It's Me or the Dog
May 4, 2015 4:28 AM Subscribe
On the pros and cons of letting your dog sleep in your bed (NYT).
They're a damn sight better to sleep with than kids, that's for sure.
posted by taff at 5:32 AM on May 4, 2015
posted by taff at 5:32 AM on May 4, 2015
The biggest factor is how flatulent that dog is. Some dogs do not belong in the house, much less on the bed.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:42 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Dip Flash at 5:42 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Some dogs do not belong in the house, much less on the bed.
Some dogs generate significant ΔV.
posted by eriko at 5:45 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Some dogs generate significant ΔV.
posted by eriko at 5:45 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Happiness is a warm pup. Of course the dog sleeps in the bed.
posted by mochapickle at 5:56 AM on May 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 5:56 AM on May 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
My kids are pretty bloody flatulent. I tell ya, dogs are better to sleep with every single time.
posted by taff at 6:00 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by taff at 6:00 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
I was initially disappointed when we got a new, much taller, bed a few years ago and found that our aging doggie could no longer reliably jump into the bed (or safely down!) on his own. But I gotta say, the bed is noticeably more pleasant without his daily influence.
I've always been a "dog in the bed" kind of person (I once moved to the couch because my dog was sleeping so adorably and immovably in the middle of my own bed), but if a partner had an issue with that, I wouldn't hesitate to accommodate their wishes.
posted by obfuscation at 6:01 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've always been a "dog in the bed" kind of person (I once moved to the couch because my dog was sleeping so adorably and immovably in the middle of my own bed), but if a partner had an issue with that, I wouldn't hesitate to accommodate their wishes.
posted by obfuscation at 6:01 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
When my ex-wife and I got together, she had a pug who was never more than a few feet from her. Naturally, that included the bed. Over the years we added a cat to the mix, then a second and third.
If you've ever spent any time around pugs, you know they are rarely, if ever, silent. They snort, lick, sniffle, sneeze and snore louder than a clinic full of sleep-apnea patients. I barely slept for years, despite ear plugs or anything else I tried. Not only did the dog snore, it had like restless leg syndrome and moved constantly throughout the night. It was terrible.
After a few years, we moved far from the city and I was working early in the morning and/or late at night. I finally decided to take a stand that the cats and dog in the bed were killing me. It was not a nice fight to have, but I eventually got my way.
After not very long, she started sleeping out on the couch with the dog. It wasn't the only issue or even the biggest issue, but it was definitely huge. What a fucking mess.
Now? If I started seeing someone and discovered they sleep with pets in the bed I'd really have to give it some thought. I respect one's desire to keep their clan together, but damn if it isn't really hard on people who already have sleep issues. If the dog or cat's sleep, both creatures who do it nearly constantly, is more important to someone than that of their partner, chances are they will not respect your other needs as well.
/personalhistory
posted by nevercalm at 6:02 AM on May 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
If you've ever spent any time around pugs, you know they are rarely, if ever, silent. They snort, lick, sniffle, sneeze and snore louder than a clinic full of sleep-apnea patients. I barely slept for years, despite ear plugs or anything else I tried. Not only did the dog snore, it had like restless leg syndrome and moved constantly throughout the night. It was terrible.
After a few years, we moved far from the city and I was working early in the morning and/or late at night. I finally decided to take a stand that the cats and dog in the bed were killing me. It was not a nice fight to have, but I eventually got my way.
After not very long, she started sleeping out on the couch with the dog. It wasn't the only issue or even the biggest issue, but it was definitely huge. What a fucking mess.
Now? If I started seeing someone and discovered they sleep with pets in the bed I'd really have to give it some thought. I respect one's desire to keep their clan together, but damn if it isn't really hard on people who already have sleep issues. If the dog or cat's sleep, both creatures who do it nearly constantly, is more important to someone than that of their partner, chances are they will not respect your other needs as well.
/personalhistory
posted by nevercalm at 6:02 AM on May 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
Dog-in-my-bed is pretty clearly out of line in my world. I've been a big fan of setting clear, not to be compromised boundaries to the canine's place in my pack. And the human's bed is one of those clear boundaries. Dogs slumber in their own beds.
posted by 2N2222 at 6:11 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by 2N2222 at 6:11 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Our 22-pound frenchie is allowed in bed in the winter, as he earns his keep by being a canine hot water bottle. Once it warms up, though, nope. Sorry, Ziggy.
posted by Windigo at 6:14 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Windigo at 6:14 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I read this article to my boyfriend yesterday and we were just floored at the "logic" behind not wanting one's partner to keep sleeping with the dog they had and slept with while single:
“All the affection that the person is not giving to you, the dog is getting,” Ms. Pall said. That becomes, in a way, the more intense emotional relationship. That’s bad, and it’s very easy for that to happen.”
Because I've got 100 Love Points to dole out every day and whoops! Already spent them while cuddling the dog in bed.
dogs can become an impediment to, and a substitution for, intimacy, and frequently incite jealousy among couples
Sounds like a dog is a fantastic litmus test. I would not want to date someone who didn't want me to love other living things.
Now, I'm fine with the dog in the bed. I understand why some people might not be. But "it makes me feel like you love the dog more than me" is not a valid reason in my book, unless the dog is always there and gets in the way of your sex life or something. Which is not what the article implies.
When you're a single guy and you have your dog in the bed, the message is: ‘This is my primary relationship.’ ”
Like I said: great litmus test.
posted by sockermom at 6:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
“All the affection that the person is not giving to you, the dog is getting,” Ms. Pall said. That becomes, in a way, the more intense emotional relationship. That’s bad, and it’s very easy for that to happen.”
Because I've got 100 Love Points to dole out every day and whoops! Already spent them while cuddling the dog in bed.
dogs can become an impediment to, and a substitution for, intimacy, and frequently incite jealousy among couples
Sounds like a dog is a fantastic litmus test. I would not want to date someone who didn't want me to love other living things.
Now, I'm fine with the dog in the bed. I understand why some people might not be. But "it makes me feel like you love the dog more than me" is not a valid reason in my book, unless the dog is always there and gets in the way of your sex life or something. Which is not what the article implies.
When you're a single guy and you have your dog in the bed, the message is: ‘This is my primary relationship.’ ”
Like I said: great litmus test.
posted by sockermom at 6:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Dog *in* the bed is a no, as far as I'm concerned. Dog *under* the bed, on the other hand, is fine. When I was a little kid, the dog always slept under my bed, thereby scaring away any monsters who might have been tempted to camp out there. I wonder how my parents convinced her to do that!
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:46 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 6:46 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
If the dog is not in the bed, then how do your feet stay warm ?
And really, the best trick I ever taught my dogs was how to crawl under the covers. When camping, and it's at or below freezing, being the hot dog (heh!) between two doggie buns is luxuriously warm. Plus, they help with the dishes.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 6:50 AM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
And really, the best trick I ever taught my dogs was how to crawl under the covers. When camping, and it's at or below freezing, being the hot dog (heh!) between two doggie buns is luxuriously warm. Plus, they help with the dishes.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 6:50 AM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
No mention of cats, I see. The mere notion of effectively banning a cat from the bed is risible...
posted by jim in austin at 7:00 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by jim in austin at 7:00 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
No mention of cats, I see. The mere notion of effectively banning a cat from the bed is risible...
I'm not saying everyone who has ever tried to keep a cat off the bed is dead, I'm just saying you've never met anyone who successfully kept a cat off the bed.
posted by Twain Device at 7:02 AM on May 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
Oh hi, are we talking about sharing our bed with a dog?
I let my dog sleep in bed with me. Wouldn't you?
Truman is a very good sleeper. He's pretty good about staying in his own area (a dog-dedicated pillow) and only snuggles under the covers when it's very cold, which keeps me warm, too. He's a champion sleeper and I nearly always wake up before he does. Sometimes I wake up and he's quietly waiting for me to wake up. Sometimes I wake up and he's dead asleep but still making sure I'm close.
He doesn't have to sleep with me. I made him a tiny living room in my living room where he's happy to sleep if I don't pull him into bed with me. But I like sharing my bed with him. He's my best little dog friend. His little life is so short and I want to love him as much as I can while he's here.
That is my story. The end.
posted by phunniemee at 7:03 AM on May 4, 2015 [53 favorites]
I let my dog sleep in bed with me. Wouldn't you?
Truman is a very good sleeper. He's pretty good about staying in his own area (a dog-dedicated pillow) and only snuggles under the covers when it's very cold, which keeps me warm, too. He's a champion sleeper and I nearly always wake up before he does. Sometimes I wake up and he's quietly waiting for me to wake up. Sometimes I wake up and he's dead asleep but still making sure I'm close.
He doesn't have to sleep with me. I made him a tiny living room in my living room where he's happy to sleep if I don't pull him into bed with me. But I like sharing my bed with him. He's my best little dog friend. His little life is so short and I want to love him as much as I can while he's here.
That is my story. The end.
posted by phunniemee at 7:03 AM on May 4, 2015 [53 favorites]
My kids are pretty bloody flatulent. I tell ya, dogs are better to sleep with every single time.
I take it you're not familiar with the phenomenon of the canine "silent but deadly."
posted by jonp72 at 7:04 AM on May 4, 2015
I take it you're not familiar with the phenomenon of the canine "silent but deadly."
posted by jonp72 at 7:04 AM on May 4, 2015
One must set clear boundaries. The dog is not allowed on the bed, period.
That's why he slept in it only when I was at work. Then - when I was asleep in said bed.
And one day, when he gathered the courage to crawl towards the pillows in the morning... and his head popped from under the covers... and his eyes met mine... something cracked in me. I inhaled deeply, and said: You lousy, stinky, filthy furball, you. Who's the biggest bloody no-good mongrel?
Now we have a fur-covered bed.
posted by hat_eater at 7:07 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
That's why he slept in it only when I was at work. Then - when I was asleep in said bed.
And one day, when he gathered the courage to crawl towards the pillows in the morning... and his head popped from under the covers... and his eyes met mine... something cracked in me. I inhaled deeply, and said: You lousy, stinky, filthy furball, you. Who's the biggest bloody no-good mongrel?
Now we have a fur-covered bed.
posted by hat_eater at 7:07 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
We kicked the puggle off the bed after about five years of my wife not getting any sleep because said puggle preferred to sleep under her and the dog, thank god, caught on quickly.
Of course, every morning when we're in the kitchen and turn to each other and say "where's the dog" she is, invariably, on the bed.
I have to say I'm a little bit proud of the dog managing to follow the letter of the law ("you sleep in your own bed") and not the spirit ("stay off the damn bed".)
posted by griphus at 7:11 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Of course, every morning when we're in the kitchen and turn to each other and say "where's the dog" she is, invariably, on the bed.
I have to say I'm a little bit proud of the dog managing to follow the letter of the law ("you sleep in your own bed") and not the spirit ("stay off the damn bed".)
posted by griphus at 7:11 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Qui cum canibus concumbunt cum pulicibus surgent.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:17 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 7:17 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is the face of a dog that has already won the war for the bed yet insists on making a play for the only sacred territory left to the human.
posted by skrozidile at 7:31 AM on May 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by skrozidile at 7:31 AM on May 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
I'm not saying everyone who has ever tried to keep a cat off the bed is dead, I'm just saying you've never met anyone who successfully kept a cat off the bed.
So I managed to get the cats out of the way, but it was a process.
1-Place vacuum outside bedroom door.
2-Plug in vacuum to power strip on night table.
3-Close bedroom door.
4-At first scratch, turn on vacuum via power strip.
5-There is no step 5, because cats learn right quick when there's a vacuum involved.
posted by nevercalm at 7:33 AM on May 4, 2015 [20 favorites]
So I managed to get the cats out of the way, but it was a process.
1-Place vacuum outside bedroom door.
2-Plug in vacuum to power strip on night table.
3-Close bedroom door.
4-At first scratch, turn on vacuum via power strip.
5-There is no step 5, because cats learn right quick when there's a vacuum involved.
posted by nevercalm at 7:33 AM on May 4, 2015 [20 favorites]
When we're dogsitting my partner's daughter's dog he sleeps in the bed. My partner was not fully accepting of this idea but he was outnumbered and we live in a democracy, so sucks to be him. There's something primal about feeling fur against your skin and feeling a little living thing curled up behind your knees in the dark of night. He's quiet, doesn't fart and wakes up at a reasonable hour. When I can say the same of my partner his opinion might carry more weight.
posted by billiebee at 7:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 7:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [12 favorites]
On the pros and cons of letting your dog sleep in your bed.
There are cons?
posted by dogmom at 7:48 AM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
There are cons?
posted by dogmom at 7:48 AM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
kicky, sandpapery little feets
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
My parents never really let our dogs sleep on their bed, but I do remember one time when the electricity (and therefore heat) went out in our house in winter (in Michigan). The whole family - two parents, me, my younger sister, and our dog Rocky (a wonderful Brittany) - huddled under the covers for warmth. It's still a great memory.
posted by dhens at 8:09 AM on May 4, 2015
posted by dhens at 8:09 AM on May 4, 2015
There are cons?
explosively leaky anal glands
posted by poffin boffin at 8:23 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
explosively leaky anal glands
posted by poffin boffin at 8:23 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
We only let our 2 pups sleep with us every now and then, too much tossing and turning otherwise. They have nice, comfy crates right next to the bed for most nighttime sleeping. Naps, however, are always co-sleeping, and one of my very favorite moments of every day is waking up first and letting our younger pup out of her crate and into bed to snuggle with me (the other pup values his sleep too much, stays in his crate until the moment it's time for the morning walk). She's always ready to snuggle and it's a simply wonderful way to start each day.
posted by LooseFilter at 8:30 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by LooseFilter at 8:30 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Do y'alls dogs not have a tendency to get as dirty as possible the minute they're let outside? My dogs aren't officially allowed on the bed, but when they sneak up there while I'm gone it's fairly easy to tell based on the gritty layer of sand and fur.
posted by bracems at 8:54 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by bracems at 8:54 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Do y'alls dogs not have a tendency to get as dirty as possible the minute they're let outside?
I have outdoor allergies, so I wipe my dog down with a damp cloth when we come in from outside and wash his feet. And he gets a weekly shower. And he's just a liiiiittle too dumb to figure out how to jump up on my bed without a spotter.
posted by phunniemee at 9:02 AM on May 4, 2015
I have outdoor allergies, so I wipe my dog down with a damp cloth when we come in from outside and wash his feet. And he gets a weekly shower. And he's just a liiiiittle too dumb to figure out how to jump up on my bed without a spotter.
posted by phunniemee at 9:02 AM on May 4, 2015
Everything in my house has dog hair on it: the undercoat of a German Shepherd is unparalleled in its stickiness.
Except my sheets. I refuse to get dog hair all over my sheets. As it is, doing the laundry serves merely to move dog hair from one piece of clothing to another...
posted by suelac at 9:03 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Except my sheets. I refuse to get dog hair all over my sheets. As it is, doing the laundry serves merely to move dog hair from one piece of clothing to another...
posted by suelac at 9:03 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I let[*] my cats on the bed. They all claim different areas (Til: at my legs, assuming the other cats aren't touching her, otherwise near my head; Conrad: near my chest, or sometimes at my legs; Spherical Cat: as close as possible to the other cats while being as far as possible away from me. This has no stable solution, which means that every last part of my bed is covered in cat fur.)
[*] I couldn't stop them if I wanted to, but of course I don't want to at all. Why would you want a cat you couldn't snuggle in bed?
posted by jeather at 9:19 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
[*] I couldn't stop them if I wanted to, but of course I don't want to at all. Why would you want a cat you couldn't snuggle in bed?
posted by jeather at 9:19 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Last time I went to an ENT, I had some built-up wax in my ear canals that a technician had to clean out. While doing so, he casually remarked, “Lot of small black hairs in your ear canal. Do you have a dog or cat that sleeps in your bed?” So, yeah, that development didn’t occur to me.
Our dog Morgan uses our bed for naps during the day, and has grown quite fond of a pre-slumber bed interlude of at least 20 minutes or so. Meaning that if I’m late to bed, this is what I discover occupying my side.
Once it hits about 10pm, though, she wants to be in her crate. Girlfriend wants to wait until later than 10pm because, like clockwork, Morgan will scratch at her crate door exactly eight hours after going in, and it’s girlfriend’s job to let her out in the morning. So it becomes a tedious game where whenever we shift in the bed or make a noise, Morgan’s like, “is it TIME?” and starts to shuffle off the foot of the bed.
Of course, if a thunderstorm is present anywhere in the state of Texas, she’ll hear it, and suddenly not so much with the crate. In those instances, we’ve had to make room for her on the bed in the past, but she’s getting better at sleeping on the floor near the foot of the bed.
posted by savetheclocktower at 9:32 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Our dog Morgan uses our bed for naps during the day, and has grown quite fond of a pre-slumber bed interlude of at least 20 minutes or so. Meaning that if I’m late to bed, this is what I discover occupying my side.
Once it hits about 10pm, though, she wants to be in her crate. Girlfriend wants to wait until later than 10pm because, like clockwork, Morgan will scratch at her crate door exactly eight hours after going in, and it’s girlfriend’s job to let her out in the morning. So it becomes a tedious game where whenever we shift in the bed or make a noise, Morgan’s like, “is it TIME?” and starts to shuffle off the foot of the bed.
Of course, if a thunderstorm is present anywhere in the state of Texas, she’ll hear it, and suddenly not so much with the crate. In those instances, we’ve had to make room for her on the bed in the past, but she’s getting better at sleeping on the floor near the foot of the bed.
posted by savetheclocktower at 9:32 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
I grew up with dogs and I like them quite a bit but my bed is a sanctuary, so, no. No shoes on the bed, don't get under the covers in outside clothes, and no animals.
posted by dame at 10:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by dame at 10:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
"as they become thereby affectionately attached — pleased with the contact of the human body."
Aaaahhhhhhh. Nothing but the duvet and sheets should touch you when you are sleeping. Humans get cuddles then sent to their side. Even pjs are too much touching. Who ARE you people?
posted by dame at 10:12 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Aaaahhhhhhh. Nothing but the duvet and sheets should touch you when you are sleeping. Humans get cuddles then sent to their side. Even pjs are too much touching. Who ARE you people?
posted by dame at 10:12 AM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Of course he sleeps in the bed. Who could say no to this?
posted by Short Attention Sp at 10:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Short Attention Sp at 10:37 AM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Short Attention Sp, dropbox is showing that link as an error and OH MY GOD I NEED TO SEE YOUR DOG PLEASE FIX IT AAAAHHH
People need to post more pictures of their dogs, please. Thank you.
posted by phunniemee at 10:41 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
People need to post more pictures of their dogs, please. Thank you.
posted by phunniemee at 10:41 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
What is this "let" people are talking about?
My (seventy-pound) dog not only sleeps in the bed, but because she considers my husband the alpha, she'll scooch all the way over to my side, or even get up and lie down on top of me, when she thinks he's going to lie down. My dog is not a good feminist.
posted by bibliowench at 10:52 AM on May 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
My (seventy-pound) dog not only sleeps in the bed, but because she considers my husband the alpha, she'll scooch all the way over to my side, or even get up and lie down on top of me, when she thinks he's going to lie down. My dog is not a good feminist.
posted by bibliowench at 10:52 AM on May 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
This piece (like so many pseudo-thinky-pieces in the NYT) makes me want to tear my hair out. As with so many things involving pets and our (the generic "our") bond with them, many people don't know how to react. So they moralize. Or they pontificate. Or they give unsolicited advice. My all-time favorite unsolicited advice was from an allergist who told me that the only solution to my allergy problems from dog dander (which are admittedly quite severe if untreated) was to get rid of the dogs.
As for the question of whether dogs get to sleep in the bed, there's no question. Only one of our three regularly sleeps with us anyway. He has his favorite spot and it's at my feet. The idea of him not sleeping with us, since he's done it since he was a puppy, is unthinkable. The other two will clamber into bed with us just for the hell of it and to be around us, but they usually sleep by themselves elsewhere in the house. Which is good, because three dogs on a bed doesn't make for good sleep.
dogs can become an impediment to, and a substitution for, intimacy, and frequently incite jealousy among couples, since it’s often easier to express unambivalent love for a dog than another human.
"Often" easier? How about always easier? Is it that complicated to understand why it's easier?
That becomes, in a way, the more intense emotional relationship. That’s bad, and it’s very easy for that to happen.
See, no. No, no, no. I know that my dogs are uncomplicated and unconditional in their love and that I have to do very little work to get their affection, and that they give affection back unreservedly. That doesn't at all mean that they're the more "intense emotional relationship," or that I see them as a "substitute" for my primary relationship. In fact, the reason that human relationships are more intense is precisely because they take so much more work to sustain and ride the rough waves through. This person doesn't sound like a very wise couples counselor at all.
“It’s very attractive to me that you’re able to care for another living being. I love that. But it’s a step too far. It’s like having another person in the bed.”
"Oh, good. You're uncomfortable with dogs in the bed and you're patronizing about my comfort with them. Sayonara."
posted by blucevalo at 10:53 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
As for the question of whether dogs get to sleep in the bed, there's no question. Only one of our three regularly sleeps with us anyway. He has his favorite spot and it's at my feet. The idea of him not sleeping with us, since he's done it since he was a puppy, is unthinkable. The other two will clamber into bed with us just for the hell of it and to be around us, but they usually sleep by themselves elsewhere in the house. Which is good, because three dogs on a bed doesn't make for good sleep.
dogs can become an impediment to, and a substitution for, intimacy, and frequently incite jealousy among couples, since it’s often easier to express unambivalent love for a dog than another human.
"Often" easier? How about always easier? Is it that complicated to understand why it's easier?
That becomes, in a way, the more intense emotional relationship. That’s bad, and it’s very easy for that to happen.
See, no. No, no, no. I know that my dogs are uncomplicated and unconditional in their love and that I have to do very little work to get their affection, and that they give affection back unreservedly. That doesn't at all mean that they're the more "intense emotional relationship," or that I see them as a "substitute" for my primary relationship. In fact, the reason that human relationships are more intense is precisely because they take so much more work to sustain and ride the rough waves through. This person doesn't sound like a very wise couples counselor at all.
“It’s very attractive to me that you’re able to care for another living being. I love that. But it’s a step too far. It’s like having another person in the bed.”
"Oh, good. You're uncomfortable with dogs in the bed and you're patronizing about my comfort with them. Sayonara."
posted by blucevalo at 10:53 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Oh, good. You're uncomfortable with dogs in the bed and you're patronizing about my comfort with them. Sayonara."
No kidding. Someone with an "it's me or the dog" mentality would facilitate easiest relationship choice I'd ever make.
posted by phunniemee at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
No kidding. Someone with an "it's me or the dog" mentality would facilitate easiest relationship choice I'd ever make.
posted by phunniemee at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Oh, sorry. I'll try again. Behold Mercury, the best little ratty rescue and bed companion evar!
posted by Short Attention Sp at 11:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Short Attention Sp at 11:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
phunniemee: People need to post more pictures of their dogs, please. Thank you.
So here is mine doing her best impression of the RCA puppy. She is perfectly welcome on the bed and sometimes she'll even share the pillow. We have an understanding. She doesn't mind my late hours, or my early mornings, or whatever I'm watching on TV. I live alone and find it quite comforting to feel the warm weight of a snoring dog against my feet.
posted by mochapickle at 11:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
So here is mine doing her best impression of the RCA puppy. She is perfectly welcome on the bed and sometimes she'll even share the pillow. We have an understanding. She doesn't mind my late hours, or my early mornings, or whatever I'm watching on TV. I live alone and find it quite comforting to feel the warm weight of a snoring dog against my feet.
posted by mochapickle at 11:09 AM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
OK, like I can ever hold back from an excuse to post a picture of my dog. Like I'm gonna say no to that face.
posted by Windigo at 11:19 AM on May 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Windigo at 11:19 AM on May 4, 2015 [10 favorites]
Today, above all other days, I am sad that work has blocked imgur.
posted by Twain Device at 11:23 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Twain Device at 11:23 AM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
Neither of my animals have any concept of personal space.
posted by bibliowench at 11:39 AM on May 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by bibliowench at 11:39 AM on May 4, 2015 [9 favorites]
He's only my step-grand-dog but I love him to bits. The only time I'm not grumpy being woken up at 8.30am on a Sunday is when it's him nuzzling my face to tell me it's morning.
posted by billiebee at 11:59 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 11:59 AM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
We had a lab who was an expert in the very finest legal points of not being allowed on the bed. Her (correct, as it turned out) understanding was that as long as one or more limbs remained in contact with the ground, she wasn't truly on the bed. Hence we'd find her curled up with my brother most mornings, one hind leg sorta-kinda touching the floor.
posted by vanar sena at 12:04 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by vanar sena at 12:04 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Our dog doesn't sleep in the bed but I don't think she would even if we let her. She is on the small side for her breed (Akita) at 85 Lbs so we don't really have room for her in our queen size bed. We've tried all manner of doggie beds, including a cot that is supposed to be cooler than other beds but she seems to prefer the hardwood floor.
Actually, her favorite place to lay are in the middle of the kitchen because there is only a crawlspace rather than the full basement under it like the rest of the house so there aren't any heating ducts under it and the crawlspace doesn't have any airflow between it at the rest of the basement so the floor there is always a few degrees cooler than the floors in other parts of the house. Her 2nd favorite spot is on top of the one air vent that is comes out of the floor instead of a wall.
But both of those places are too far away from her people so she prefers to sleep on the hardwood floor right next to the bed. If she is laying in any other position, she is only dozing. Sometimes she has dreams and we'll see her little paws twitch and an occasional little yelp. Last week we even saw her lips curl back and her jaw twitch open and closed in a way that suggested that she caught whatever she was chasing in her dream (almost certainly a rabbit since she figured out that squirrels will just climb a tree and birds will fly away). It's adorable.
If, someday, we got a king sized bed I think I would be okay with her sleeping in the bed with us to keep our feet warm at night but I think it would be too warm for the dog.
posted by VTX at 12:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Actually, her favorite place to lay are in the middle of the kitchen because there is only a crawlspace rather than the full basement under it like the rest of the house so there aren't any heating ducts under it and the crawlspace doesn't have any airflow between it at the rest of the basement so the floor there is always a few degrees cooler than the floors in other parts of the house. Her 2nd favorite spot is on top of the one air vent that is comes out of the floor instead of a wall.
But both of those places are too far away from her people so she prefers to sleep on the hardwood floor right next to the bed. If she is laying in any other position, she is only dozing. Sometimes she has dreams and we'll see her little paws twitch and an occasional little yelp. Last week we even saw her lips curl back and her jaw twitch open and closed in a way that suggested that she caught whatever she was chasing in her dream (almost certainly a rabbit since she figured out that squirrels will just climb a tree and birds will fly away). It's adorable.
If, someday, we got a king sized bed I think I would be okay with her sleeping in the bed with us to keep our feet warm at night but I think it would be too warm for the dog.
posted by VTX at 12:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
part of the reason I got a dog was to sleep with said dog every night.
It's her bed, really, she just lets us sleep there. 1, 2. 3, 4, 5
she snores like she has sleep apnea (sleep pupnea?) and she can somehow hog the entire bed even though she weighs only 7lbs. oh well, we are prisoners to the cute.
posted by hotelechozulu at 12:38 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
It's her bed, really, she just lets us sleep there. 1, 2. 3, 4, 5
she snores like she has sleep apnea (sleep pupnea?) and she can somehow hog the entire bed even though she weighs only 7lbs. oh well, we are prisoners to the cute.
posted by hotelechozulu at 12:38 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
No shoes on the bed, don't get under the covers in outside clothes, and no animals.
this whole sentence is like a horror movie to me. protag laying in bed comfortably when suddenly a grimy hookman appears! what's this? he's STEPPING ON THE BED WITH HIS FILTHY SHOES! oh no now he's GETTING UNDER THE COVERS IN HIS STREET CLOTHES WHERE WILL THIS GRUESOME HORROR END
posted by poffin boffin at 12:58 PM on May 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
this whole sentence is like a horror movie to me. protag laying in bed comfortably when suddenly a grimy hookman appears! what's this? he's STEPPING ON THE BED WITH HIS FILTHY SHOES! oh no now he's GETTING UNDER THE COVERS IN HIS STREET CLOTHES WHERE WILL THIS GRUESOME HORROR END
posted by poffin boffin at 12:58 PM on May 4, 2015 [6 favorites]
Our dog sleeps on the bedroom floor unless she's invited up. Usually it's when my wife is working late or I have to head into work in the morning. However, you can pretty much blame the polar ice cap melt and the rise in sea temperature to the 5 quadrillion BTU's we're able to generate on a lazy Saturday morning when the dog wedges herself between us in bed.
posted by cmfletcher at 1:00 PM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cmfletcher at 1:00 PM on May 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
I spent 18 years with a very beloved cat ruining my sleep every night, so after the cat died and we adopted Shaggy, the chance to finally sleep through a night was very, very tempting.
Getting some sleep as well as the fact that the queen-size bed with already felt full with me at 5'8" and my husband at 6'4", led to a "no dogs on the bed" rule. Especially large, very long dogs who love to sleep at full extension and kick people in the face all night (discovered that while camping.)
Now both dogs stay off the bed and sofa all the time except 1) when Pilar is on a wild tear and jumping on all the forbidden furniture being saucy, and 2) when I explicitly invite Shaggy up on the bed or couch to hang out for a while.
posted by Squeak Attack at 1:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
Getting some sleep as well as the fact that the queen-size bed with already felt full with me at 5'8" and my husband at 6'4", led to a "no dogs on the bed" rule. Especially large, very long dogs who love to sleep at full extension and kick people in the face all night (discovered that while camping.)
Now both dogs stay off the bed and sofa all the time except 1) when Pilar is on a wild tear and jumping on all the forbidden furniture being saucy, and 2) when I explicitly invite Shaggy up on the bed or couch to hang out for a while.
posted by Squeak Attack at 1:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm not saying everyone who has ever tried to keep a cat off the bed is dead, I'm just saying you've never met anyone who successfully kept a cat off the bed.
My father has reached a détente with the cat.
The cat is not allowed on the bed, period.
My father believes this rather strongly and has enforced it since the cat was a kitten.
So, now, some years later, when my father walks down the hall, their cat will casually saunter out of the bedroom, pretending not to have been on the bed.
And my father will pretend not to notice the cat shaped divot in the comforter.
posted by madajb at 1:29 PM on May 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
My father has reached a détente with the cat.
The cat is not allowed on the bed, period.
My father believes this rather strongly and has enforced it since the cat was a kitten.
So, now, some years later, when my father walks down the hall, their cat will casually saunter out of the bedroom, pretending not to have been on the bed.
And my father will pretend not to notice the cat shaped divot in the comforter.
posted by madajb at 1:29 PM on May 4, 2015 [11 favorites]
We had a lab who was an expert in the very finest legal points of not being allowed on the bed.
My brother's dogs are absolutely not allowed on his bed.
This is their obvious solution.
posted by phunniemee at 1:39 PM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
My brother's dogs are absolutely not allowed on his bed.
This is their obvious solution.
posted by phunniemee at 1:39 PM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Well, I have to join the doggie pic sharing! Our two awesome rescue pups, terrier mixes, joyful creatures.
posted by LooseFilter at 1:49 PM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by LooseFilter at 1:49 PM on May 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
isn't there a tiny little bit of awkwardness when there is a dog in the bed and the couple want to have sex ... What do they do? kick the dog out of the bed? Wait till the dog is asleep and keep it quiet? or just let the dog watch the humans doing the doggie style and try to push it away when it gets too inquisitive?
I would be uncomfortable with a dog in the bedroom when I am with a partner in the bed.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 4:20 PM on May 4, 2015
I would be uncomfortable with a dog in the bedroom when I am with a partner in the bed.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 4:20 PM on May 4, 2015
isn't there a tiny little bit of awkwardness when there is a dog in the bed and the couple want to have sex ...
Well, OK, first, yes, you kick the dog out of the bed (for some dogs this is verbal, for some physical, like closing out of the room and/or crating). Second, while they may be curious (the smells alone are probably a whole encyclopedia of information to them, and the humans are making some distressingly weird noises), in my experience after a couple of look-sees followed by decisive shooing, especially after they see that everything is OK and no one is being hurt, they learn to mind their own business, because whatever grunty, smelly weirdness the humans are doing does not involve them.
I would be uncomfortable with a dog in the bedroom when I am with a partner in the bed.
Yeah, the thought of it is uncomfortable, because a dog is a someone, even if non-human, and I don't want any someones watching my partner and me do our thing. Buuuuuut, after a while, when they've wandered in and hung out with you while you've pooped a few dozen times, and a million other small intimacies like that, it's not such a big deal if they just curl up in their crate and mind their own business while you tend to yours. (I mean, my dogs don't actually sit there and watch, like we're their show. Most of the time they just wander in, see what's going on, and wander right back out because that shit is weird and I'm going to go gnaw on an antler for a while.)
posted by LooseFilter at 4:41 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Well, OK, first, yes, you kick the dog out of the bed (for some dogs this is verbal, for some physical, like closing out of the room and/or crating). Second, while they may be curious (the smells alone are probably a whole encyclopedia of information to them, and the humans are making some distressingly weird noises), in my experience after a couple of look-sees followed by decisive shooing, especially after they see that everything is OK and no one is being hurt, they learn to mind their own business, because whatever grunty, smelly weirdness the humans are doing does not involve them.
I would be uncomfortable with a dog in the bedroom when I am with a partner in the bed.
Yeah, the thought of it is uncomfortable, because a dog is a someone, even if non-human, and I don't want any someones watching my partner and me do our thing. Buuuuuut, after a while, when they've wandered in and hung out with you while you've pooped a few dozen times, and a million other small intimacies like that, it's not such a big deal if they just curl up in their crate and mind their own business while you tend to yours. (I mean, my dogs don't actually sit there and watch, like we're their show. Most of the time they just wander in, see what's going on, and wander right back out because that shit is weird and I'm going to go gnaw on an antler for a while.)
posted by LooseFilter at 4:41 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
I mean, my dogs don't actually sit there and watch, like we're their show.
Yeah, it's not like they're cats.
posted by mochapickle at 5:11 PM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Yeah, it's not like they're cats.
posted by mochapickle at 5:11 PM on May 4, 2015 [7 favorites]
Dogs are pretty good at reading people and I think that's why ours has always just got up and left the room. Though I suppose it's possible that we kicked her out the first few times after she started sleeping in the same room and inadvertently trained her to get out when she senses us getting ready to have some sexy times.
Since dogs are often better at reading people's moods than the people themselves that begs the question: if I notice the dog get up and leave the room, does that mean that sexy times are imminent?
posted by VTX at 5:13 PM on May 4, 2015
Since dogs are often better at reading people's moods than the people themselves that begs the question: if I notice the dog get up and leave the room, does that mean that sexy times are imminent?
posted by VTX at 5:13 PM on May 4, 2015
One way to keep the dog off the bed is to let her use the cat's bed.
posted by dogmom at 5:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by dogmom at 5:16 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
So, when my ex and I first 'got' the dog (he wandered up into the yard and never left), he was crated at night (we had 3 cats who had a finely toned sense of territory - upstairs was theirs).
Well, when I moved out, my ex suggested I keep the dog (despite keeping the dog in the first place being his idea.) The dog hated the move. He responded by yowling at 3am in a townhouse. The only way to get him to settle down was to let him up into the bed and spoon him.
I now sometimes think that this was a calculated move on his part. :)
So the dog sleeps in the bed. When my wife and I first got together, she was a little skeptical, but okay with him sleeping with us ("I'm not going to roll over and kill him, am I?") We mostly ignored him when we were fooling around (I lived with 3 cats forever, so...) but he got angry when we got to the more athletic bits ("Why is one of my mommys attacking the other mommy why?!") So now he gets crated or put in the bathroom or the living room while we're at it, and then he gets let back in after, and we're all happy. Well, except for when my wife wakes up pinned at 3 a.m. because he's sleeping on her again and she doesn't want to move him.
(At her house in Texas, we started out with no dog on the bed - and he even put himself to bed on the couch on his own for the first week or so. Then one night, it's tap-tap-tap-woof - and that was that.)
posted by joycehealy at 5:29 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Well, when I moved out, my ex suggested I keep the dog (despite keeping the dog in the first place being his idea.) The dog hated the move. He responded by yowling at 3am in a townhouse. The only way to get him to settle down was to let him up into the bed and spoon him.
I now sometimes think that this was a calculated move on his part. :)
So the dog sleeps in the bed. When my wife and I first got together, she was a little skeptical, but okay with him sleeping with us ("I'm not going to roll over and kill him, am I?") We mostly ignored him when we were fooling around (I lived with 3 cats forever, so...) but he got angry when we got to the more athletic bits ("Why is one of my mommys attacking the other mommy why?!") So now he gets crated or put in the bathroom or the living room while we're at it, and then he gets let back in after, and we're all happy. Well, except for when my wife wakes up pinned at 3 a.m. because he's sleeping on her again and she doesn't want to move him.
(At her house in Texas, we started out with no dog on the bed - and he even put himself to bed on the couch on his own for the first week or so. Then one night, it's tap-tap-tap-woof - and that was that.)
posted by joycehealy at 5:29 PM on May 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Our lab is not allowed on the bed because our lab is not allowed upstairs because going up and down stairs will potentially screw up a young lab's hips and we are neither idiots nor cruel.
posted by Hogshead at 5:45 PM on May 4, 2015
posted by Hogshead at 5:45 PM on May 4, 2015
This was taken after I got out of bed to go to work, I was previously smooshed in between them
New Years Day hangover selfie. . Dogs/cats are the best sick companions - they are more than happy to stay in bed with you all day long.
This is one of my favorite pics ever. The matching positions and the look on Lindy's face slays me every time.
posted by Fig at 5:52 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
New Years Day hangover selfie. . Dogs/cats are the best sick companions - they are more than happy to stay in bed with you all day long.
This is one of my favorite pics ever. The matching positions and the look on Lindy's face slays me every time.
posted by Fig at 5:52 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
The only part about nookie puppies that there' s just no getting used to is when one of them hops back up on the bad in the middle of the act and decides to put her cold wet nose right up your bum. Thankfully this is rare.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:23 PM on May 4, 2015
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:23 PM on May 4, 2015
Of course our dogs sleep in our bed. I wouldn't have it any other way, though Maeby has the most active dream life of any creature I've ever know. Here's a short sound clip of one of her dreams.
Kenda is much quieter, and given the chance will curl up under the covers behind my knees. And a bonus picture of both my dogs 'helping' me change the sheets at a house I was watching for some friends.
posted by workerant at 7:27 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Kenda is much quieter, and given the chance will curl up under the covers behind my knees. And a bonus picture of both my dogs 'helping' me change the sheets at a house I was watching for some friends.
posted by workerant at 7:27 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
Sometimes my parents' dog lets me sleep on his spot.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:21 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 8:21 PM on May 4, 2015 [5 favorites]
There is no more comforting sound in all the world than the contented little sigh-snort our chihuahua mix makes when she settles down in the bed for a nap.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:38 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 9:38 PM on May 4, 2015 [4 favorites]
My 60 pounds of Agnes thankfully understands the command, "go nite- nite" and curls up at the end of the bed. Such a good doggie dog.
posted by puddinghead at 10:22 PM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by puddinghead at 10:22 PM on May 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'd happily let ours sleep in our bed but they are kickers and I value my kidneys.
posted by harriet vane at 7:02 AM on May 5, 2015
posted by harriet vane at 7:02 AM on May 5, 2015
The 90lb dog requires to sleep between us. He'd like to use my body pillow as his pillow but I don't like it, so he has his own pillow at the foot of the bed, or he sleeps on his dad.
There's not room on the bed for any more dog than that. So we have a twin bed at the foot of our bed.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:18 AM on May 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
There's not room on the bed for any more dog than that. So we have a twin bed at the foot of our bed.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:18 AM on May 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
My ex and I used to always let our huge flaily 42kg dog sleep in our bed when we were working split shifts, so there was plenty of bed-room for everyone. But when we were back on the same schedule it became this hilarrible ordeal with lots of low grumpy growling and wet-nose poking and occasional ear-biting (me, admittedly) and what I am certain were deliberate vengeance farts, which would eventually lead to the two of us barely clinging to opposite edges of the bed while the dog sprawled about in the center like a smug and fuzzy sultan, tail-whacking anyone within reach. (this doesn't sound like that big a deal until you realize that his tail was the same length and breadth as my entire arm from shoulder to wrist, with significantly greater strength)
i miss that dog so fucking much
cry
posted by poffin boffin at 10:01 AM on May 5, 2015 [9 favorites]
i miss that dog so fucking much
cry
posted by poffin boffin at 10:01 AM on May 5, 2015 [9 favorites]
I'm just trying to imagine the same thread if the article had been about not having children sleeping in the same bed as their adult parents/couples, and I think that would be getting far less pushback.
(Which I think is also frequently fine btw, but most of the arguments about bedsharing with pets would also apply to having kids in the bed, and you can love people or animals without wanting them in bed with you, all the time...)
often easier to express unambivalent love for a dog than another human.
"Often" easier? How about always easier?
Because it's... not? For all people?
People do not find dogs universally easier to express love to, than all humans. There are complicated dogs, and pretty uncomplicated people.
posted by Elysum at 11:56 AM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
(Which I think is also frequently fine btw, but most of the arguments about bedsharing with pets would also apply to having kids in the bed, and you can love people or animals without wanting them in bed with you, all the time...)
often easier to express unambivalent love for a dog than another human.
"Often" easier? How about always easier?
Because it's... not? For all people?
People do not find dogs universally easier to express love to, than all humans. There are complicated dogs, and pretty uncomplicated people.
posted by Elysum at 11:56 AM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well, you can't really shoosh a toddler off the bed and lock him outside the bedroom door with a Kong when you want some privacy, the way you could with a dog.
I mean, maybe you could. I'm not so good with the kid specifics.
posted by mochapickle at 12:11 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I mean, maybe you could. I'm not so good with the kid specifics.
posted by mochapickle at 12:11 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Of course Otto sleeps in the bed. In fact, when he is ready to retire for the evening, he stands in the hall and fusses until we say, "OK, big bed." At that point he'll enter the bedroom, we pull back the covers, he hops in, and we cover him up. Tell me you can look at that picture and not go, "Awwwww."
posted by ReginaHart at 1:05 PM on May 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by ReginaHart at 1:05 PM on May 7, 2015 [4 favorites]
Well, you can't really shoosh a toddler off the bed and lock him outside the bedroom door with a Kong when you want some privacy, he way you could with a dog.
Oh, you absolutely can, but you're generally trying to stop toddlers from eating the dog food... :P
For most human toddlers, you don't even need to have a treat inside a puzzle object though, getting things out of something, or putting it back in, is good.
Toddler Shapes Ball
Aside from that, umm, yes? Once you have childproofed/set up barriers, it's really common and I would say advisable to shut the door on toddlers and get some private time. Not doing that is how parents go nuts.
posted by Elysum at 7:34 AM on May 13, 2015
Oh, you absolutely can, but you're generally trying to stop toddlers from eating the dog food... :P
For most human toddlers, you don't even need to have a treat inside a puzzle object though, getting things out of something, or putting it back in, is good.
Toddler Shapes Ball
Aside from that, umm, yes? Once you have childproofed/set up barriers, it's really common and I would say advisable to shut the door on toddlers and get some private time. Not doing that is how parents go nuts.
posted by Elysum at 7:34 AM on May 13, 2015
« Older Vending machine tally: This rule can go to hell. | Why some men pretend to work 80-hour weeks Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by mfoight at 5:15 AM on May 4, 2015