Breakfast at Noon is still Breakfast

May 11, 2015 10:40 AM

We talked to registered dietitians, personal trainers, health editors, book authors, nutritionists, and healthy food writers and asked them -- what do you eat for breakfast? (buzzfeed)
posted by The Whelk (163 comments total)

my dream breakfast is two queen-sized-bed-sized slices of french toast upon which i awaken and there is a machine on the wall that dispenses both sour cream and maple syrup.

the reality of this dream is that i chew on my pillows sometimes by accident.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:42 AM on May 11, 2015 [25 favorites]

I'm skeptical that most people have time to create these breathtaking repasts every morning. I barely have the energy to grab a Gatorade between the bus and the subway. That said, that baked egg avocado contraption looked delicious.
posted by jonmc at 10:44 AM on May 11, 2015 [7 favorites]

"and my sheets (which are crepes) are heck of greasy"
posted by boo_radley at 10:44 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

My Belgian boyfriend blew my mind a while ago by telling me that waffles are considered a dinner food in Belgium, or as a snack food. There are waffle stands in every Belgian city I've been in, and on a warm spring morning, the small city we've been living in smells like waffles a lot.
posted by colfax at 10:45 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I think we need to discuss the fact that one of the Nutrition Twins is named Tammy Lakatos Shames.
posted by St. Hubbins at 10:47 AM on May 11, 2015

Either all these people live in California, or I need to seriously up my weekly avocado budget to compete.
posted by Think_Long at 10:48 AM on May 11, 2015 [10 favorites]

There are waffle stands in every Belgian city I've been in, and on a warm spring morning, the small city we've been living in smells like waffles a lot.

There's a pretty popular chain of Belgian waffle stands here in NYC so now any major public gathering place has a 50/50 chance of smelling like waffles and chocolate
posted by The Whelk at 10:48 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

(For the record I had an everything bagel bacon and egg sandwich today and for the foreseeable future.)
posted by The Whelk at 10:49 AM on May 11, 2015

Yeah, the sbux in the lobby of my building means that I will never again in the foreseeable future need to make any kind of breakfast ever again, since a bacon/eggwhite/cheese sandwich or two is obtainable in 5 minutes whilst still pajama'd.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:52 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I keep seeing similar articles, and I sort of think some of these people may be lying. I mean, I make those muffin-tin egg thingies in advance and heat them up in the morning, so I'm not sure why I think that, but my hunch is that a nutrition professional is not going to say that they skip breakfast or smear some peanut butter on a toaster waffle, even if it's true.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:52 AM on May 11, 2015 [9 favorites]

Jesus, after 5 or 6 of these Pinterest images I had to laugh. How about a picture of some coffee and a half-eaten yogurt? Breakfast has achieved mythic status as far as 'things you ignore at your peril' that far exceeds water consumption and monitoring your child's life for stranger contact. Many people could well do with eliminating the calorie burden of their morning gorge in favor of extending their fast a few more hours.
posted by docpops at 10:56 AM on May 11, 2015 [16 favorites]

Best breakfast I ever had was the little steak pies they used to bake fresh every morning at Waites in Hebden Bridge. Can't beat a steak pie on the top deck of a bus on a frosty morning.
posted by pipeski at 10:57 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

poffin boffin, you are living my dream.
posted by desjardins at 10:57 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I don't understand breakfast. Eating that soon after I wake just makes me feel ill. Hell even the smell of food before noon makes me nauseous.
posted by Ferreous at 10:57 AM on May 11, 2015 [18 favorites]

We actually solved the breakfast conundrum recently, Ferreous! Apparently it has to do with whether you're a morning person or a night person. Morning people wake up hungry, and night people can't stand the thought of eating when they wake up. I wake up as soon as the sun comes up, and I want to eat right away. Apparently night owls often find the thought of eating first thing in the morning vaguely nauseating.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 11:00 AM on May 11, 2015 [32 favorites]

Usually I have a coffee at home, then grab a granola bar from my stash at work before lunch if I get hungry.

Yesterday I was off, so I made a Caesar salad at noon, with a side of chocolate donut.

I'm an adult, Ill eat what I want damnit.
posted by T.D. Strange at 11:01 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I used to be totally anti-breakfast but then a thing happened, maybe getting older? maybe the fact that this godawful arthritis consumes a fuckton of rage calories? idk but now i am a RAVENOUS CHOMPY FOOD DRAGON in the morning and i feel pretty good about it. also i get hella migraines when i go without.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:02 AM on May 11, 2015 [7 favorites]

Apparently night owls often find the thought of eating first thing in the morning vaguely nauseating.

Night owl, can confirm. All I want is coffee and NO TALKING.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:02 AM on May 11, 2015 [35 favorites]

Oh yeah I'm definitely a night person, as in literally diagnosed with delayed phase sleep disorder. I think one of the criteria is consuming X% of your calories at night.
posted by Ferreous at 11:03 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I love breakfast food and feel it is appropriate at all times. We go to trivia at our local movie theater and they serve pancakes and bacon AT ALL TIMES for $4.50 and so I get beer and pancakes and bacon and play trivia and win free movie tickets. It is GLORIOUS.
posted by ChuraChura at 11:03 AM on May 11, 2015 [17 favorites]

For me it's a Clif bar and a big cup of coffee every weekday. I eat that while still sitting in bed.

But today at lunch I ate an everything bagel bacon and egg sandwich

/high-fives Whelk
posted by freecellwizard at 11:04 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I am the most night person possible so perhaps this is not universal. I wake up furiously and with extreme reluctance 10 minutes before I have to be at work.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:05 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I don't understand breakfast. Eating that soon after I wake just makes me feel ill.

To the converse, I don't know how other people can wait even an hour after waking up to eat since by that point I'm practically ravenous enough to consider snacking on the nearest person.

Either all these people live in California, or I need to seriously up my weekly avocado budget to compete.

Heh, I just moved back to CA last fall and completely coincidentally! my avocado consumption is up something like 400%. They are really good in smoothies - adding protein bulk, but subtle in flavor.
posted by psoas at 11:05 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Black coffee, a Clif Bar and a naproxen sodium is my standard breakfast.
posted by octothorpe at 11:06 AM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Apparently night owls often find the thought of eating first thing in the morning vaguely nauseating.

I always did until I started to hit the gym immediately after waking up and when I was done I felt like I could've easily torn off someone's arm and eaten it whole and still be hungry.

I mean I didn't, I had a nut bar and vegetable shake instead, but the feeling was there.

( fun fact, urban ancient Romans had no concept of breakfast, you where expected to wake up and instantly go to work!)
posted by The Whelk at 11:08 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, this morning it was a chocolate chip cookie, because a terrible person in my office made a lot over the weekend and brought many in. But usually it's a couple eggs scrambled with cheese. This usually happens after I've been awake for several hours, because I'm just not hungry when I first get up.
posted by rtha at 11:09 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

wait, is waking up thirsty and starving and still tired a fucking symptom of the diabeetus? im gonna set fires.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:12 AM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

I could eat breakfast foods all day. All eggs all the time, works for me. But I don't get liking sweet foods in the morning at all, find them instantly nauseating. Yes to oatmeal or waffles as a night-time snack, though.

on preview, damn, blood sugar, hmm
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:12 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I remember reading both Charlotte's Web and A Wrinkle in Time (late '70s) and being baffled about how the mothers served their children a full breakfast, with a pitcher of cream and homemade French toast, on a weekday before they headed to school. Wow. Did that actually happen? In a perfect world, I'd eat a huge breakfast like that every day, with bacon and pancakes or French toast, and that would allow me a very productive day until late lunch time.
posted by Melismata at 11:12 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Really at this point you should petition to become a sassy head in a jar.
posted by The Whelk at 11:13 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

only if the jar head is controlling a jaeger
posted by poffin boffin at 11:15 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I remember reading both Charlotte's Web and A Wrinkle in Time (late '70s) and being baffled about how the mothers served their children a full breakfast, with a pitcher of cream and homemade French toast, on a weekday before they headed to school. Wow. Did that actually happen? In a perfect world, I'd eat a huge breakfast like that every day, with bacon and pancakes or French toast, and that would allow me a very productive day until late lunch time.

Well, at least with Charlotte's Web, they were are farm family, and breakfast is pretty important when you're about to head out to heavy manual labor starting early in the day.
posted by leotrotsky at 11:17 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Morning person here. When I was young and very thin, hunger was a main reason I woke up, and if I didn't get lots of food within 30 minutes, I'd have a migraine the rest of the day. I literally grew out of that, but I still like breakfast, and I like real food for breakfast, like beans and pasta with meat sauce and bacon and and eggs and fruit and vegs and anything else that has protein (smoked fish? YES. Leftover steak? YESYES). Strangely, the rest of the day, I prefer almost vegan food.

Cereals trigger that migraine, haven't touched them since I was ten.

If you crave protein at 7 AM, you find the time to cook them.
posted by mumimor at 11:17 AM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

My life got a lot happier and easier once I finally admitted that I just want a goddamn muffin and coffee, every morning. TBH I have noticed zero negative effects and think I might actually be thinner than I was when I was preparing some bullshit oatmeal concoction in the pre-dawn hours.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:18 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

We actually solved the breakfast conundrum recently, Ferreous! Apparently it has to do with whether you're a morning person or a night person. Morning people wake up hungry, and night people can't stand the thought of eating when they wake up.

I'm a morning person and I'm seldom hungry when I get up. Coffee is my breakfast of choice. I couldn't help but notice it wasn't one of the examples in the article.
posted by tommasz at 11:18 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

HEY INTERNET WHAT UNEXPECTED SHIT ARE YOU BAKING IN YOUR MUFFIN TINS TODAY
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:19 AM on May 11, 2015 [27 favorites]

Oatmeal. (Almost) Always.

1/3 c of quick oats, some almond-coconut "milk" blend, a splash of vanilla extract and whatever add-ins I need. For a normal morning, it's frozen berries or sliced bananas. If I need my breakfast to last longer, I throw in a tbs of almond butter. I even eat oatmeal before long runs and endurance races (skipping the fruit, but definitely adding the almond butter).
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 11:19 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I want breakfast. I want all the breakfast - with its succulent french toasts and waffles and sausages and eggs and pancakes and biscuits with gravy and muffins and orange juice AND coffee and everything else.

Unfortunately I'm trying to lose weight as a very short person, and if I have a breakfast that big I've sabotaged myself for the rest of the day.


So I just have coffee.

*weeps*
posted by erratic meatsack at 11:20 AM on May 11, 2015 [9 favorites]

Here’s What Real Healthy People Actually Eat For Breakfast

Hey, I'm a Real Healthy Person who usually has nothing but coffee for breakfast and takes hours to develop an appetite. I hate the implicit assumption that morning people are somehow morally superior to night owls.
posted by Flashman at 11:22 AM on May 11, 2015 [16 favorites]

Breakfast is for dinner. The end.
posted by datawrangler at 11:24 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

HEY INTERNET WHAT UNEXPECTED SHIT ARE YOU BAKING IN YOUR MUFFIN TINS TODAY

a martini made from the tears of a child
posted by poffin boffin at 11:25 AM on May 11, 2015 [24 favorites]

99.9% of the time, I'll have either a bowl of cereal or a bowl of oatmeal (depending on the weather) and coffee. If it's a holiday when I'm with the family, Dad makes breakfast, and that is always eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast, forever and ever, amen.

Sometimes I will treat myself to a brunch at the Worlds' Best Bar That Is Also A Coffee Shop up the street from me; sometimes I'll have something novel, but most of the time, I've found that a fresh fruit platter with a side of bacon is exactly what I want.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:28 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Two toasted, buttered crumpets with honey and cinnamon. Milk. Black coffee for desert. This cannot be improved.
posted by TDavis at 11:28 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

and being baffled about how the mothers served their children a full breakfast, with a pitcher of cream and homemade French toast, on a weekday before they headed to school. Wow. Did that actually happen?

My child takes meds that have a side effect of completely suppressing his appetite for about ten hours, so I have become that mother who serves scrambled eggs and bacon or sausage and biscuts, and basically find myself cooking all sorts of insane things before 8 am because its the only food he's going to eat for the entire damn day.

Its not hard once you get used to it; however I continue to not eat breakfast at home and instead eat breakfast at my desk at work like any civilized person.
posted by anastasiav at 11:29 AM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Night person, no breakfast till I get to work and have had time to be ambulatory a bit. Instant oatmeal (low sugar) plus caffeine of some kind. Donuts seem to make me feel both sick and hungrier, so I avoid them and their kin. If I am really needing protein, I might grab a cheese stick or even peanuts. No milk or yogurts. I enjoy fruit but it's like eating air, as far as my stomach is concerned. Oatmeal sticks with ya.

Bacon is too heavy for breakfast, unless you've slept in so long that it's actually lunch.
posted by emjaybee at 11:30 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Coffee and amphetamines are my continue-fast of choice. Finally eat somewhere between 1-5 and enjoy the hell out of it.
posted by quadbonus at 11:32 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

I can be either a night or morning person. I always eat breakfast because if I don't I become excessively irritable and my balance is off for the entire day. Generally speaking I have a small bowl of oatmeal with fruit and a coffee.

If I'm hung over, I get a sausage egg and cheese roll and a Gatorade.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:33 AM on May 11, 2015

Oh, and a breakfast story - for the summer after I graduated college, I was in a short-term houseshare stint with a couple of college friends; they were vegetarians, and we lived really near the Union Square Greenmarket so for the first month or so I was all up in having nice healthy yogurt-and-fruit-and-granola type of breakfasts.

But then one morning I snapped, and made myself a full Irish breakfast (or as close as I could get), with bacon, sausage, egg, toast, porridge, fried tomato, and fried mushroom. My friends' looks of horror as I brought this steaming mass of flesh to the breakfast table were pretty funny, I tell you what.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:34 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

"Eat Avocados. Sometimes baked. Mostly with eggs."?
posted by gwint at 11:35 AM on May 11, 2015 [12 favorites]

Geez not all of us have access to amazing avocados without buying them every day. I wish I did but...
posted by agregoli at 11:35 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm visualize the people that eat these breakfasts as being neatly coiffed and professionally dressed in neutral colors while politely seated at their tables set with tidy place mats and matching cups and plates.

Unlike me, as I blearily hunch over my breakfast groats* dressed in my ratty lime green XXXX night T-shirt and old bedrooms scuffs, with uncombed hair and a snarl for anyone approaching the coffee pot with intention of depriving me of the last cupful.

The groats are pretty good, though.
1/3 cup granola, toss in raisins, chopped walnuts, sunflower seeds, a sliced banana, and a couple tablespoons of Greek honey yogurt, and even the uncivilized can eventually face the day.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:37 AM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Flashman: "Hey, I'm a Real Healthy Person who usually has nothing but coffee for breakfast and takes hours to develop an appetite. I hate the implicit assumption that morning people are somehow morally superior to night owls."

How much avocado oil do you put in your coffee?
posted by boo_radley at 11:40 AM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

I eat when I'm hungry, then stop when I am no longer hungry. Also try to eat things that are tasty and nutritious. It's not rocket surgery.
posted by rankfreudlite at 11:47 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

The most I can stand to eat before ~noon-1pm is maybe a banana. (Maybe)

On the other hand, 11pm often sounds like prime dinner time, at which point I have to remind myself whether I really should eat then and proceed to be awake until ~2-3am.

Or, as an alternate solution which works well, eat one large meal for lunch, and then that's the food for the day.
posted by CrystalDave at 11:48 AM on May 11, 2015

I'm skeptical that most people have time to create these breathtaking repasts every morning. I barely have the energy to grab a Gatorade between the bus and the subway. That said, that baked egg avocado contraption looked delicious.

I swear there's an Onion article (or maybe it was just a MeFi comment) along the lines of Family Frantically Cooks Extravagant And Healthy Breakfast Before Journalist Arrives To Document Typical Breakfast Foods Instead Of Usual Bowl Of Cereal And Mug Of Instant Coffee.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 11:51 AM on May 11, 2015 [9 favorites]

My child takes meds that have a side effect of completely suppressing his appetite for about ten hours, so I have become that mother who serves scrambled eggs and bacon or sausage and biscuts, and basically find myself cooking all sorts of insane things before 8 am because its the only food he's going to eat for the entire damn day.

When I was younger, I was on a carousel of adhd medications that totally wrecked my appetite, so my weight dropped a lot. I hated almost all breakfast food - bacon was gross, eggs were disgusting, cereal and toast and stuff made me crash after about thirty minutes, so my parent's solution (among other things) was to let me eat apple pie for breakfast every day.

It worked?
posted by you could feel the sky at 11:52 AM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I am a person who has to eat in the morning or else I get a headache and don the crankypants until I get something in my stomach. If I'm doing cardio first thing at the gym, I usually just have a piece of fruit to spike my blood sugar and after de-sweatifying, then I'll eat something more substantial (usually oatmeal or toast with nut butter). On yoga days or days when I have more time after the gym, then I break out the blender to make green smoothies to take to work.

On the weekends, my husband makes me pancakes or waffles. It is the most glorious part of a Sunday morning.
posted by Kitteh at 11:54 AM on May 11, 2015

EndsOfInvention, the Metafilter thread was for a NYT article: What Kids Around The World Eat Breakfast
posted by dobi at 11:55 AM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

6 raw almonds
1/3 cup dried organic blueberries
dried kale flakes, 3 tablespoons
2 cups Crisco shortening
Himalayan pink salt to taste
posted by Auden at 11:55 AM on May 11, 2015 [24 favorites]

I spent most of my life as a "breakfast before 10 a.m is nauseating and horrible" person, but sometime around 30 I became a morning person and now I eat breakfast daily and I don't even recognize myself anymore. It's terrifying.

That said, while avocado-egg-cheese toast sounds amazing, I am not poaching a damn egg in the morning before work, nor do I believe in pre-poached eggs, so I guess I'm waiting until the weekend to try that. Breakfast for me is pretty strictly about cereal or oatmeal, fried eggs I can just drop in the pan and then forget about while I feed the cats, or maybe frozen waffles if I'm feeling like living on the edge a little.
posted by Stacey at 11:56 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

2 cups Crisco shortening

what
posted by poffin boffin at 11:57 AM on May 11, 2015 [6 favorites]

I eat when I'm hungry, then stop when I am no longer hungry.

You mean the hunger actually ends? How much do I have to eat for that to happen?
posted by pipeski at 11:57 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ah, yes thanks dobi, it was prize bull octorok's comment!
posted by EndsOfInvention at 11:58 AM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

It is the most glorious part of a Sunday morning.

The best Sunday morning food is a stout bitter ale cause it means you're about to eat a pile of fried food and then digest it over the next 12 hours.
posted by The Whelk at 12:00 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

A lot of these do look good to me--I'm in the "savory and eggy _realfood_ and actually cooked/hot is so inviting first thing" camp--but yeah, from as far back as I can remember I've scratched my head in bewilderment at the notion many people supposedly manage to, first thing upon waking, cook like it's dinnertime (even harder in some ways, as breakfast foods tend to be more time-sensitive and ballet/juggle-ish when it comes to cooking just right and simultaneously so everything's still hot at the same time). It would first take eating breakfast for me to be awake enough to make breakfast, you know? Which is why I never do it for actual breakfast--once in a blue moon I'll make "brunch" at home, but that's hours and hours after getting up (and usually in a, to be tmi, "let's celebrate how great that all-weekend-morning-long sex was, whee!" celebratory fashion), and sometimes when I really want to try a new waffle recipe we'll make breakfast for late night dinner (it always feels special and transgressive/liminal, as it was a once in a while treat growing up, much like the two times a year or so we'd spread out a picnic blanket in the living room and pretend to be outside while watching a perennial favorite blockbuster like, oh, Ghostbusters).

Now that winter's over and my desire to eat comforting carby stuff not in my best interests is lifting (when it heats up I go from thinking of food as a form of nostalgia and creative outlet through cooking to just fuel to make me feel good, made with as little fuss as possible), I've revamped my first meal of the day and so far (been eating it a little over a month now) I'm really digging it, feel more energetic and less moody. At the risk of sounding like a passing fad health magazine article, Sundays I make a big batch of chia pudding by pureeing whatever nut milk looks best and is on sale that week (almond, coconut, cashew, a mix, whatever) with a dab of maple syrup, a pinch of cinnamon, and whatever fruit's available (usually berries or banana), then stirring in the chia seeds and letting sit overnight. The batch lasts me the work week; around noon every day I down a D3 supplement and fish oil capsule then have a bowl of this chia pudding with half an avocado. It's not the most attractive thing, and eating the same thing nearly every day is not usually my style, but I do feel like it's good padding against being lazy sometimes about nutrient intake.

The first thing I put into my mouth upon waking, a good 3 or 4 hours earlier, is either coffee or tea (now that it's hot I've been doing cold brewed lavender choc coffee sweetened with a wee bit of syrup made of honey, sugar, water, and dried lavender, with the lavender strained out before jarring, plus almond milk and ice...but I like plain ol' black tea hot or cold steeped, manual pourover coffee made with good unflavored beans, and matcha lattes too). I never want to eat first thing upon waking, and for a few years I wasn't consuming anything until lunchtime, which worked out ok for me (I actually find constantly having to eat small meals a PITA; if it were up to me I'd eat dinner and maybe a snack beforehand around lunchtime...I have to set phone alarms to remind myself when to eat, blurgh).

Personally I could never get excited about a granola bar or cold cereal or whatever, compressed boxed up cold stuff, though it is what I lived on as a teen. It makes sense, because you don't have to do anything, but it's just such a downer. Meanwhile, there have definitely been mornings where the thing that got me out of bed was my excitement knowing there was leftover Chinese takeout or cold pizza or congee that for once I bothered to make the night before waiting for me.

On Preview, it is heartwarming to learn I'm not alone in a lot of my breakfast disposition, particularly the "how on earth does anyone cook breakfast when it'd take eating breakfast to make you awake enough to do it" bit (and the "remembering to eat more than once a day is a PITA" thing too).
posted by ifjuly at 12:01 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

The best Sunday morning food is a stout bitter ale cause it means you're about to eat a pile of fried food and then digest it over the next 12 hours.

I have never ever been a "greasy food and hair of the dog will cure that hangover" person. I am married to that person but I have always been a "OH GOD JUST LET ME SLEEP AND TRY TO FORGET THAT I MAKE POOR LIFE CHOICES" person.
posted by Kitteh at 12:02 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Anyone done the ham as quiche crust thing? That is appealing to me. Especially if it will hold up to fridge and rehearing.

I want to fall into the trap of going all in with dairy and "healthy fats" for breakfasts but I'm guessing the full day menu for these nutritionists is much more lean than I would choose.
posted by sol at 12:03 PM on May 11, 2015

I think we need to discuss the fact that one of the Nutrition Twins is named Tammy Lakatos Shames.

I know, right? Why would you accept nutritional advice from someone who has the last name "locksmith"
posted by tigrrrlily at 12:04 PM on May 11, 2015

The best way I have found to defeat a hangover is to walk home 1.5 miles from brunch in 98 degree weather while drinking your way through 3 liters of water.

oddly enough i think that was the last time i had alcohol
posted by poffin boffin at 12:06 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

The best way I have found to defeat a hangover is to walk home 1.5 miles from brunch in 98 degree weather while drinking your way through 3 liters of water.

Oh god that would be my version of hell.
posted by Kitteh at 12:08 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

The best way I have found to defeat a hangover is to walk home 1.5 miles from brunch in 98 degree weather while drinking your way through 3 liters of water.

oddly enough i think that was the last time i had alcohol

Well shit, I'd never drink again either if I had to do that afterwards.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:10 PM on May 11, 2015 [8 favorites]

Pinteresty breakfast articles always make me feel combative and I guess the bottom line is, I don't trust anyone whose circumstances don't mandate a breakfast that's a little rushed and inadequate.
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:10 PM on May 11, 2015 [10 favorites]

you're both totally right. i've never discovered anything that works so 100% thoroughly on a hangover as sweating it out through physical exertion, BUT nobody ever actually does that because it's torturous. if you torture yourself and get through it though...yeah. good as new.
posted by ifjuly at 12:11 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

French toast, specifically made out of King's sweet Hawaiian bread with a generous pour of vanilla extract in the batter. Failing that, steel-cut oatmeal with all the fruit I have handy thrown into the pot, and some blueberry preserves mixed into the bowl to cool it off. Yum.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:11 PM on May 11, 2015

Apparently night owls often find the thought of eating first thing in the morning vaguely nauseating.

I'm generally an owl. Most mornings I wake up feeling terrible and possessed of the imperative of going back to sleep as quickly as possible and spending as much further time unconscious as possible.

Sometimes perhaps after a quick bite to eat, though, because breakfast still sounds good to me in the morning.
posted by weston at 12:12 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

As a 30 year vegetarian (living in the U.S.), I will admit that I'd really like to try an authentic traditional full English breakfast someday.
posted by Auden at 12:12 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

The best way to defeat a hangover is an Egg McMuffin and full-sugar Coke. I'm pretty sure that's science.

(On the other hand, I am now so old and boring I can't remember when I last had a hangover. It may have been years. Maybe hangover science has changed.)
posted by Stacey at 12:12 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I am pretty much the nightiest of night people. I'm just getting up now, at 3pm, and won't be eating breakfast until 7ish, probably. unless water counts? anyway, I don't know if I can trust these breakfast suggestions from people who go dropping food all over their damn tables. slobs.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:12 PM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

A large amount of the full English is meat less (mushrooms, beans, eggs, toast, tomato) although it is all cooked in bacon grease, but I never eat the sausage
posted by The Whelk at 12:13 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

In a lot of places you can get a really good full vegetarian English (there's a place in Brixton Market I remember as being super yum for that) in London.

I really try my hardest to not be hungover anymore because at 38, it is a terrible look on me and kind of embarrassing.
posted by Kitteh at 12:14 PM on May 11, 2015

This article reminded me that I have not actually prepared a breakfast food in some time, unless you count microwaving instant oatmeal. Well, I made good biscuits for Mother's Day, but I'm not touching those again for a while. Usually it's Greek yogurt or a nutrition bar of some kind. I often lie awake craving food at 11 or 12 am, but by the morning I'm no longer hungry. I don't get it.

The three-ingredient pancakes may in fact be delicious, but when I clicked over, I found writing like this:

Our clients especially love these on weekends –they feel like they can have a guilt-free delicious brunch even when they are trying to get bikini ready. . .

Wanna eat all three delish pancakes? Be our slim, satiated guest!

shmorky.gif

posted by Countess Elena at 12:17 PM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Lots of traditional breakfast foods are tasty and delightful. My breakfast often includes any kind of eggs or oatmeal centred stuff.

But any other food that you like to eat at any other time of day is just fine, too. Reheated curry or stew. Pasta. Good frozen pizza takes just 13 minutes in the oven once it's heated. Leftover pizza (cold or reheated in a skillet as God intended.) Cold baked potatoes with dollops of thick yogurt, dill and a drizzle of olive oil. A handful of nuts and some fruit. Frozen dumplings cooked to perfection in a skillet, maybe with some greens or peppers thrown over them to steam perfectly.

YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT SPECIAL BREAKFAST FOODS. YOU WILL NOT WITHER. YOU WILL NOT DIE.
posted by maudlin at 12:17 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I can't eat for the first 30 minutes of being awake (due to medication), and I still don't really dig breakfast. On a good day I can force myself to eat a bowl of cereal, because I know I will feel better if I do.

I'm definitely more of a lunch person - it's my favorite meal of the day. I finally feel hungry and it can be literally anything including leftovers from the night before, meaning I don't feel like I have to eat a snack just to get through making it (although I gotta admit my dinner game has been much sharper once I realized that I could eat a bit *before* I started cooking so that I wasn't hungry-angry).
posted by muddgirl at 12:17 PM on May 11, 2015

I feel like the "night owls are vaguely nauseated by food" thing only applies when said night owls have to get up at some ungodly hour. I didn't eat breakfast for my entire childhood and adolescence because at 4:30 in the motherfucking morning, my body rejected literally everything that wasn't sleep.

Now that I've built a much more night-owl-friendly life for myself, I want breakfast every single morning, almost immediately upon awakening--I often wake up with a growling stomach, even.

I really try my hardest to not be hungover anymore because at 38, it is a terrible look on me and kind of embarrassing.

In my mid-30s and I'm discovering that I will be exactly the same amount of hungover after:
-A single drink
-3-4 drinks
-No drinks at all, just a general fuck-you from my body to me

So I stopped trying and just apply poffin boffin's death-march-and-hydration method as much as possible.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:18 PM on May 11, 2015 [12 favorites]

I find I can combat or offset any potential horrible effects entirely if I drink a large glass of water between drinks (as well having had eaten beforehand any alcohol is ingested, of course).
posted by Kitteh at 12:22 PM on May 11, 2015

... grilled cheese sandwiches. Pita with chunks of leftover chicken and some veggies, or a schmear of hummus or thick yogurt plus veggies. Popcorn and an orange because, hey -- fiber! Three large cups of tea with milk. ...

Oh my God. I didn't have breakfast yet today, did I? Because I think I only had three large cups of tea. BRB.
posted by maudlin at 12:22 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Any breakfast involving avocado, kale or spinach is an abomination against God and man. Not the cute inoffensive kind of abomination, but the big, world-ripping, this-is-against-the-Pentateuch kind of abomination.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 12:36 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

My favourite breakfast place will do a half-and-half breakfast, so you get both a savoury AND a sweet breakfast (poached egg on a cheese scone with bacon and some kind of beer sauce, plus slice of challah french toast with strawberries and cream) and it is ideal.
posted by jeather at 12:37 PM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

Important: Mike Phirman's What Makes the Breakfast covers all the bases. And gets heavy play on the Sirius kid station.
posted by emjaybee at 12:45 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Any breakfast involving avocado, kale or spinach is an abomination against God and man. Not the cute inoffensive kind of abomination, but the big, world-ripping, this-is-against-the-Pentateuch kind of abomination.

That is harsh.
I like me a serving of Eggs Florentine now and then. Also, I feel that a sandwich with avocado, lettuce, bacon and tomato is a worthy upgrade of the classic LBT.
I'm with you on kale, though. Why should humans ever eat kale?
posted by mumimor at 12:46 PM on May 11, 2015

I stumbled on a nutritious, tasty, quick-to-make breakfast in Bon Appetit magazine recently.

Sliced avocado, Trader joes organic pea shoots, crumbled feta, and a fried egg all on top of a warm tortilla (usually whole wheat). Squeeze a wedge of lime over the top and liberally apply hot sauce to serve.

It took a couple days to get the order of operations for prep down, but now I can bang this out in 5-7 minutes. It's become my go to-I eat it for breakfast for a couple weeks in a row, then do a week of something else, then I go right back to it.
posted by HighTechUnderpants at 12:54 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

HEY INTERNET WHAT UNEXPECTED SHIT ARE YOU BAKING IN YOUR MUFFIN TINS TODAY

HEY MAN BUZZFEED HAS YOU COVERED
posted by specialagentwebb at 1:00 PM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Breakfast is the meal that makes me feel the most foreign in France, I can't stand sweet foods for breakfast like a croissant or brioche, and I'm a night person so I eat when I get to work. This is crazypants to the French who treat each meal like an event, but at least I've developed a thick skin after daily questions on what I'm doing!
posted by ellieBOA at 1:04 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I stayed two weeks at the Lovell Lodge on Milton Rd. in Cambridge, UK, I always ate the full English. It was good, but having beans and fried tomatoes included with breakfast always seemed irrational.
posted by rankfreudlite at 1:07 PM on May 11, 2015

Especially now that my immune system has apparently decided almonds and raw fruit are INTRUDERS, I'm firmly Team Savory Breakfast. But the idea of scrambling a fukken egg on a work morning makes my cortisol levels spike, so instead, inspired by that previous thread, I have whole-wheat toast with hummus and/or tapenade, plain kefir, and coffee. Falls more into the category of "assembly" than "actual cooking" and a week's worth can easily be bought on a single g-d Trader Joe's run. Thanks MeFi!
posted by en forme de poire at 1:16 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, and I used to be able to skip breakfast like a champ (very night person here), but as I got older I lost the ability to go more than a few hours between meals without developing headaches and god-awful acid reflux. (Tbqh I also realized that being recently fed made me a lot more laid-back about biking in traffic...)
posted by en forme de poire at 1:24 PM on May 11, 2015

One thing we sometimes discuss at the Mumi residence is, how it seems to be a social convention that dinner must vary while breakfast is always the same. We feel that it might be possible to alternate between lasagna, fried chicken, fried fish and meatballs for dinner forever. Breakfast, however, should vary over the seasons. Maybe in July, a breakfast of tea and fresh fruit is all one needs, while in December, eggs and sausage are necessary for basic survival.
posted by mumimor at 1:26 PM on May 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

I think they must be using the term "healthy people" very loosely. "People who'd love for you to think of them as healthy", maybe.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:26 PM on May 11, 2015 [6 favorites]

I feel like weekend breakfast and weekday breakfast are so different as to be two different meal types entirely.

Weekend breakfast is glorious: bacon (always bacon) and eggs cooked any number of ways. Probably my favorite is thinly sliced potatoes cooked until brown on both sides and then layered across the bottom of the pan and eggs/toppings/cheese poured over them, cooked over the stovetop and in the oven as needed until done. Or french toast, which i love but never have bread on hand so that's a tough one. Or waffles, or pancakes.

Weekday breakfast is a sad little Fage yogurt cup, the one with the sidecar of fruit, plus grapenuts, which unlike granola aren't too sweet and don't get soggy in the yogurt. Consumed at one's desk while avoiding starting the actual work day.
posted by misskaz at 1:26 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I have the same delicious smoothie every morning for breakfast

• Flax, hemp and chia seeds, 1T each
• 1 cup apple cider, with 1T of raw apple cider vinegar
• 1/2 t ground cinnamon
• 1 Starcrimson pear, near rotting
• Half a bunch of raw kale
• 6 large ice cubes

After a nice long spin in the Vitamix, it is a quart of liquid breakfast gold.
posted by slogger at 1:28 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I am also team smoothie - I started making them out of spite (long story) but now I kinda like them. But I have a crummy blender, so I am limited in plausible ingredients that can actually smoothie.
posted by pemberkins at 1:37 PM on May 11, 2015

I am so envious of those of you who can go without food/are sustained by a smoothie or a granola bar until lunch. I get hypoglycemic if I don't eat anything substantial, and I'm often extremely hungry two hours after a toast/cereal/smoothie breakfast. I get incredibly shaky and weak, and if I try to hold out until lunch, my stomach cramps up when I finally eat. I've switched to an egg + avocado breakfast and things have improved significantly.
posted by peripathetic at 1:47 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Has anybody here actually tried those "Whey Protein Pops" things? They look like they would taste like puffed rice, but I fear that is overly optimistic.
posted by ostro at 1:47 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I'm a lifelong incorrigible night owl and I literally don't get hungry at all until around 5-6 pm most days, even when that means I've worked a full day by the time I finally eat. Until then, food just makes me feel vaguely ill. I'm sure this messed-up eating schedule is horrible for me in any number of ways.

Everyone thinks I'm some kind of alien for eating this way and I never know how to explain it, so I'll have to try ascribing my weird habits to simple night-owliness next time - everybody already knows I'm horrible with mornings. I've never bothered getting a diagnosis for delayed sleep phase syndrome just because I doubt the diagnosis would make much real difference, but if that's a key symptom, my case is pretty airtight.

That said, when I have to eat in the morning for whatever reason, I go for rice or whole-wheat toast with a couple of soft-boiled eggs. Soft-boiled eggs are among the world's most perfect foods. They're hot, gooey, savory, comforting, and super-satisfying. I felt like a total lazy idiot but I bought a hard/soft-boiled egg cooker like a lot of folks apparently have in e.g. Germany, and I absolutely adore it. It makes preparing soft-boiled eggs almost as easy as throwing some bread in the toaster.
posted by dialetheia at 1:59 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

I haven't had breakfast since that 2011 December thread about Intermittent Fasting and glucose intolerance.

It's been 1245 days or so since I last ate before noon... Sometimes I get a denver omlette sandwich for lunch. I do miss biscuits and gravy.

Eating lunch at noon and dinner b/t 6 and 7 has helped me manage my weight pretty well, so there's that. Grazing never worked for me...
posted by mikelieman at 2:01 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

pemberkins, I bought a Nutri Bullet when I saw one on sale and it is much easier than the blender, I love it - really quick to use and easy to clean. That's pretty much all it does is smoothies, but it does them well. I've been doing a lot of smoothies lately --more for nutrition than for any other reason, but I've lost 5 pounds so there's that. But some of these breakfasts look fabulous for weekends when it's get-thee-behind-me smoothie time. Love the sound of The Whelks' everything bagel bacon & egg sandwich with some of the parmesan hash brown cups from specialagentwebb's link.
posted by madamjujujive at 2:11 PM on May 11, 2015

I've been trying to lose weight since, well, forever. I also HATE figuring out what to have for a lunch and making it (and I work from home!). So for a while, I drank an Ensure shake for lunch. It's mostly nutritionally complete, tastes okay, takes no time at all to prepare or consume, and solves the "what should I have for lunch" dilemma.

There were a couple of days when I worked right through lunch without noticing it and I've been skipping breakfast for years without any consequences that I've noticed so I start cutting out lunch most days too. Now it's usually a little snack around 5 and then a decent dinner and that's it. So far it's been about the only thing that's really worked for me with any consistency so I'm going to stick with it. YMMV

However, we've been making these shakes with cottage cheese and strawberries or frozen mango chunks that I often have as a snack and I think it would make an excellent option for breakfast.
posted by VTX at 2:18 PM on May 11, 2015

Pinteresty articles of any kind make me feel combative, prizebullotorock.
posted by harrietthespy at 2:23 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

What is the deal with those baked avocado-egg things? I keep seeing them, and they look great at first glance, but a) that's either a much bigger avocado than I've ever seen, or a quail egg, and b) cooked avocado is gross.

I have long suspected they were invented as Pinterest bait.
posted by ernielundquist at 2:23 PM on May 11, 2015 [12 favorites]

I would be so down for a smoothie breakfast instead of solid food, mostly because I could sneak in a day's worth of veggies and not really notice, but it sadly does not provide enough digestive stimulation for a good morning poop, which is really my sole life goal at this point.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:44 PM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

1/2 cup oatmeal, 1 cup water, microwave for 2:22. Whey protein and water all shook up in a shaker cup to drink. Down the hatch. I eat breakfast like I live in a sci fi dystopia. It's all about the nutrient profile and rebooting the brain; it's too goddamn early for things like pleasure or indeed thought. It's just about ingesting complex carbohydrates and protein so my meat-self can successfully complete its reboot process.
posted by erlking at 2:57 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I do not eat kedgeree every day for breakfast but I plan to correct this in the next life, where I will have a full staff including a specialist kedgeree chef.
posted by Devonian at 3:17 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

Once my CSA starts up for the summer I may go on a smoothie hiatus and just gorge on infinite fruit.
posted by pemberkins at 3:26 PM on May 11, 2015

dialetheia,
OMG thank you for linking to that egg cooker. I am not a breakfast person, but I have found lately that my coffee shop around the corner from my office has hard boiled eggs for a $1 (yeah, kinda spendy), and they are great for my non-breakfast eating self. I can have one at noon and not worry about crashing for the rest of my work day, then eat an actual meal at 5 or 6PM. If I could bring one from home, all ready to go, I'd be even more set. Or I could make egg salad. Or poached eggs. Or eggs, eggs, eggy, egg egg. Egg.
posted by daq at 3:31 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I was extremely scornful of that egg cooker until I realized it could poach eggs and then I decided I must own one because poaching is impossible.
posted by quadbonus at 3:42 PM on May 11, 2015

I've always thought of myself as a badass breakfast muthafucker.
posted by PHINC at 3:46 PM on May 11, 2015

> What is the deal with those baked avocado-egg things? I keep seeing them, and they look great at first glance, but a) that's either a much bigger avocado than I've ever seen, or a quail egg, and b) cooked avocado is gross.

thank you for saying this, as i have silently thought it every time they come up. cooked avocado is indeed nasty and the dimensions never seem right.
posted by ifjuly at 3:48 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

then I decided I must own one because poaching is impossible.

Whaaa? Shallow small pan, boiling water, salt, crack egg into cup, pour egg into pan, cover slightly and wait - remove with slotted spoon.
posted by The Whelk at 3:52 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

My saddest recent Google search: "make-ahead breakfasts you can eat in the car"
posted by Ian A.T. at 3:54 PM on May 11, 2015 [7 favorites]

I feel like weekend breakfast and weekday breakfast are so different as to be two different meal types entirely.

On weekdays I do a smoothie that consists of milk, uncooked oats, TJ's hemp powder, a banana, and some form of frozen berry. I have black coffee with it.

But on a weekend day (sometimes both!) I always cash in my healthy mornings with something fried, full of carbs, and unhealthy. Sometimes it's a Chinese "Oil Stick" & hot soy milk, or dim sum, or chilaquiles, or a breakfast burrito the size of a neck pillow, or bacon, eggs, & pancakes.
posted by FJT at 4:05 PM on May 11, 2015

.What is the deal with those baked avocado-egg things?

I tried making them once. They are fucking lies, thats what the deal is.To not make baked-eggs-all-over-the-oven by accident, you have to scoop out most of the avocado flesh, put in the yolk and then just enough egg white to fill your scooped out hole. Its bullshit.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 4:11 PM on May 11, 2015 [6 favorites]

Sit down for this one, folks:

1. cook an egg however the hell you like your eggs
2. serve with sliced avocado
3. aw yeah
4. breakfast = HACKED
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:16 PM on May 11, 2015 [11 favorites]

I eat the generic pop tarts because the name brand has real fruit in it
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:18 PM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

Shallow small pan

step one and you've already lost me. i have a fancy electric kettle and a single bright orange rachel ray frying pan that i got for free from our office supply company.

oh and a 19th century fancy silver teapot
posted by poffin boffin at 4:26 PM on May 11, 2015

I can hack this too

Whaaa? Shallow small pan, boiling water, salt, crack egg into cup, pour egg into pan, cover slightly and wait - remove with slotted spoon.

The only hard part of poaching eggs is nailing the timing; commit yourself to ruining half a carton of eggs as you learn and once you're over that hurdle it's smooth sailing ahead.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:32 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

As an overweight person all my life I did not eat any breakfast whatsoever once I could make that decision for myself. Then in my late twenties I heard that this was the very worst thing a heavy person could do. Eating breakfast "stokes the fire" of metabolism and if a person does not do t, the metabolism is retarded thru the day. I thus began to eat something every morning...50% of the time TERRIBLE things....but I ate. The rest of they day I did not feel so hungry and after a while started a pattern. This alone...not running or gym or anything else..allowed me to steadly drop the weight. I went from 215lbs to 150 lns in a year and have kept... it off for 15 years. Going from 150 lbs DOWN to 138 lbs or so but maintaining a steady 145 to 155... Never hungry and I eat any and all I please. True story and one of the only very successful things I have ever done,
posted by shockingbluamp at 4:42 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Oh my god yogurt plus protein bits and a blood orange and chocolate chips Botha sounds totally awesome, great for waking up, and simple enough that I can make it in while still waking up.

Current default breakfast: yogurt + some raspberries. Though I miss the occasional scrambled eggs or bacon. I need to start keeping those in the house again.
posted by egypturnash at 4:43 PM on May 11, 2015

Whaaa?

I've tried creating a vortex, adding vinegar, even nuking them - they just get globby and sad. (Or explosive, which is entertaining, but not really the point.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:47 PM on May 11, 2015

It's this kind of pan.

Use an egg timer? Check frequently? Don't care if they're overdone? Drop into really furiously boiling water? All my internal cooking times are to classic rock and doo-wop songs so for soft poaching the egg should be in the water for about as long as it takes you to sing And Then He Kissed Me. ( put the bread in the toaster right before and it'll pop out and give you a half second to put on some butter before you plop the egg on top, -or, be very industrious and start the water boiling, put in some lemon juice and asparagus tips, leave it for a minute, plop in egg, serve asparagus and egg over toast bam done.)
posted by The Whelk at 4:51 PM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

(Maybe I need to make a series of breakfast tutorials where all the timing instructions are given in show tunes.)
posted by The Whelk at 4:53 PM on May 11, 2015 [17 favorites]

I have the same delicious smoothie every morning for breakfast

Oh, poo. Or: Oh...poo!

YMMV
posted by datawrangler at 4:54 PM on May 11, 2015

My breakfast usually consists of a banana, some organic fibrous cereal with raspberries, sometimes oatmeal, and of course utter despair.
posted by juiceCake at 5:00 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

you really should start your day off with dread and save the despair for lunch or dinner.
posted by prize bull octorok at 5:02 PM on May 11, 2015 [10 favorites]

these breaksfast all contain significantly less cheese than I am accustomed to stuffing my face with.
posted by ghostbikes at 5:05 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

The beauty of the machine is that I don't need to keep track of time or watch them at all - I can go finish getting ready while they're cooking unsupervised. It dings when they're finished, and I can always cook them exactly how I want I want if I use the same amount of water. I know I'm horribly lazy, especially in the morning, but it's often enough to make the difference between eating an egg vs eating a clif bar or some other sugary/carby monstrosity.
posted by dialetheia at 5:14 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

i'm just gonna carry on paying other ppl to do things for me i think
posted by poffin boffin at 5:22 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm skeptical that most people have time to create these breathtaking repasts every morning.

I dunno. It take about two minutes to scramble some eggs and dump some arugula on top. Same for smoothies, if you have ingredients on hand and know the recipe by heart. And "X on toast" is pretty quick and easy, too—it takes seconds to slice up an avocado, or smear some almond butter on something. Find something you don't mind eating every morning, and it'll become as routine as brushing your teeth.

(Of course, my morning commute is about three minutes on foot, so I suppose I'm spoiled.)

Lately, I've been trying to lose weight (and succeeding!). My current breakfast habit is a cup of Fage yogurt, some fresh mixed berries (the grocery store sells them pre-mixed and pre-sliced), and a serving of Kind granola. Only about 300 calories, but 25 grams of protein—which keeps me satisfied until lunchtime.

If I get bored with that, the wild blueberry ginger smoothie bowl sounds good. And this has reminded me that I love soup for breakfast.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 5:26 PM on May 11, 2015

I've found Alton Brown's method of egg poaching to be near foolproof.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 5:45 PM on May 11, 2015

The point is, its not just the time making the breakfast, but the time involved in keeping those fresh ingredients at hand. I live in an urban area and I still can't make sure I have avocados or argula every day unless I BUY them most days. Big time investment.
posted by agregoli at 5:53 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Oh yeah I'm definitely a night person, as in literally diagnosed with delayed phase sleep disorder. I think one of the criteria is consuming X% of your calories at night.

For a while I lived in the vain hope that the causality worked the other way around, and I started stuffing myself with food immediately upon waking in order to make myself a morning person.

It didn't work. I just ended up tired, grumpy AND nauseated. (And eating about twice as much as usual, since I was still getting hungry in the evenings.)
posted by lollusc at 5:54 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm firmly Team Savory Breakfast. But the idea of scrambling a fukken egg on a work morning makes my cortisol levels spike

I have a programmable rice cooker now, which is great because I can set it the previous night, stumble out of bed, put the rice in a bowl, add an egg, mix, maybe microwave for 15 seconds if the rice:egg ratio isn't quite right and it's runny, add soy sauce/sesame oil/ground chile and scarf it down. Works well with canned or smoked fish, instead of the egg (or I guess you could do both, but that's too heavy for me at breakfast.) Or just rice with a little fat (butter usually, sometimes bacon drippings or schmaltz if I have them left over from other meals) or broth and salt and pepper if I'm really feeling the "not a breakfast person" nausea.

That or ice cream.
posted by kagredon at 6:11 PM on May 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

Amy's non-dairy burrito. Frozen--I take one to work and heat it up. For the low, low price of $2.49/each and my co-workers' undying scorn, Amy's frozen burritos work for me.
posted by librarylis at 6:32 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

I dunno. It take about two minutes to scramble some eggs and dump some arugula on top.

It's probably for the best that I don't mess with open flames before my second cup of coffee in the morning. Or sharp objects. Or trying to figure out if that's arugula or spinach. Or pretty much anything but drinking my coffee quietly while staring off into space and not talking to anyone.
posted by octothorpe at 6:41 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Most of the breakfasts pictured in the article would be hard for me to eat -- just thinking about the texture of an avocado smoothie makes me feel queasy. The savory ones, like the ham-crust-egg-things, look good, but they also look like a lot of fuss early in the morning.

In my perfect world, I would have a personal chef who would cook me an endless series of savory breakfasts. Bacon and eggs and hashbrowns one day, and then the next some spicy fish and rice dish or a chicken and peanut stew, maybe.

I eat a lot of leftover dinner food for breakfast, because it is savory and a lot less work than cooking from scratch first thing. I aspire to cooking more breakfasts, but it's hard to muster the energy and creativity when my blood sugar is low.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:58 PM on May 11, 2015

For a while I lived in the vain hope that the causality worked the other way around, and I started stuffing myself with food immediately upon waking in order to make myself a morning person.

I read somewhere that a carby breakfast, specifically, can act as a zeitgeber, but I think it has to go along with another 50 rigidly enforced zeitgebers, also it might be that it would help to be a rodent.
posted by cotton dress sock at 7:04 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Why scorn? Do the burritos smell really bad?

Oh sorry, no. The judging is because these are the sorts of people who wake up at 5am and immediately scramble eggs or something. I, on the other hand, roll in at 9am and heat up my frozen breakfast in the work microwave. Morning people scorn.
posted by librarylis at 7:04 PM on May 11, 2015

Most of my life, I ate no breakfast, other than coffee. These days I eat one boiled egg along with my coffee, and it sounds like I'm joking, but it has made all the difference.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:05 PM on May 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

Right, so I recently got slim, mostly by cutting a major amount of processed carbs from my life. My nutritionist, darling that she is told me that I could still have cereal for breakfast, HOWEVER, only as much as it say is a serving on the box. Right away any kind of decadent cereal went away. The more decadent, the smaller the serving size. So about an hour after my morning coffee, I have a cup of Raisin Bran, with a banana (biggest organic banana I can find) with some kind of milk like substance. I continue to get slimmer, I've gone from size 34 pants to currently 28. However breakfast always waits for coffee. We're civilized here.
posted by evilDoug at 7:18 PM on May 11, 2015

Considering that a healthy lifestyle isn't just a matter of body movement and food chemistry, but also behavior, most of these are awful suggestions as I can't see making a habit of any of them if you're used to dumping milk on cereal each morning and being done with breakfast in five minutes.

People really need to consider psychology more when making fitness recommendations, as the best fitness plan is the one somebody follows. Telling somebody they need to dirty up three pans and keep a variety of fresh produce on hand when they're used to waking up 30 minutes before starting their commute is not realistic.

Personally, I've found making hard boiled eggs ahead of time is a good trick. Eat a small portion of cereal and an egg, and suddenly you have a much more balanced and satisfying meal than if you just ate a big bowl of cereal.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:24 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

After dinner, so late to the party, but here goes:
3:25 Turn off first alarm, set oven to 325, sausage in pan, pan in oven (The local Russian market is a Glorious Wonderland of smoky cured flesh). Back to sleep.
4:15 Do I have to wake up? Oh yeah - stumble to cupboard for fork and plate, spear meat onto plate, oven off, grab a handful of fruit (Cherries in season, yay!), and good morning! Anything more is way too complicated for me most days.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 8:03 PM on May 11, 2015

I'm amazed. Morning's for me is just oolong tea.
posted by rmmcclay at 8:30 PM on May 11, 2015

So looks like all I need to do is make myself a stack of pancakes and top them with almond butter, flax seed, goji berries, yogurt, kale, arugula, avocado, blueberries, egg whites, oats, hummus, salmon, spinach, coconut milk, chia seeds, kefir, hemp seeds, and ginger and I'm good to go.
posted by sourwookie at 8:39 PM on May 11, 2015 [8 favorites]

a sad little Fage yogurt cup, the one with the sidecar of fruit

Shot of watery raspberry preserves with a yogurt back, please, barkeep.
posted by katya.lysander at 8:42 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've had nachos and bloody Mary's for breakfast three times in the past two weeks.
posted by gucci mane at 10:12 PM on May 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

I miss weekends with my last boyfriend.

It would go like such:

7am or so: the dog needs to be let out. Snoring Lump would grumble and mutter, I'd get up, let her out, and have a cigarette.

7:15: I'm back in bed. Grumbling about how cold I am from the other side of the bed. Cuddling anyway.

7:30: sex yay

8:00 Candy crush for me. Snoring from the other side of the bed.

9:00 More sex. Then "babe I want breakfastzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

10:00 See above

11ish. "I'll make you breakfast but you have to get up."
"Grump grump mmmpf shglfwgfilegufgeiuh okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

11:30ish: Provide him with French toast, pancakes, or a riff on eggs Benny while he's watching some godawful reality show on his laptop at the kitchen table.

Bliss, I tell you, bliss. I love big solid breakfasts that leave you in a coma for the day... but not until I've been awake for at least three hours. I remember, vividly, when I worked at an afterhours bar. I'd leave around 7am, grab a bagel and smoked salmon and OJ (turned into a mimosa after I got to know the serving staff yay) on my way home, then sleep until 3ish. At the civilized hour of 5 or 6, a grilled chicken Caesar salad for breakfast, with a pint. LIVING THE DREAM.

This whole eating-upon-waking thing, no. Just no.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:44 PM on May 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm up anywhere from 4:30a to 6:00a (insert coffee here) and eat breakfast at 8:00a. I require a cooked breakfast, because if breakfast involved cereal or fruit I would kill myself.

I try to keep it light. Poached egg on buttered toast, one strip of bacon, OJ. Toasted English muffin sandwich of sausage patty, folded egg and thin slice of cheddar. No more than once a week, corned-beef hash, poached egg on top, sprinkled with chopped green onion, OJ.

Afterward, a four-mile march with the dogs.
posted by Short Attention Sp at 3:08 AM on May 12, 2015

I was with you until the four-mile masochism
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:07 AM on May 12, 2015

I just want to know who these people who can afford avocados--and arugula, fresh fruit, hemp powder(?!)--every morning are.

Eh, actually, no, I don't want to know that.

I eat eggs and oatmeal. Those things are cheap. I like them well enough.
posted by epanalepsis at 9:06 AM on May 12, 2015 [2 favorites]

There's a market up the street from us that has avocados 2/$1, sometimes 4/$1 (the teeny ones). This is in California, in a pretty Latino neighborhood.
posted by rtha at 10:11 AM on May 12, 2015 [1 favorite]

aw yiss savory oatmeal

the weekend recipe:

1. fry shallots and/or garlic in oil (I can't recommend doing this in advance because there are food safety issues, but...well, I've done it. Technically, if you make sure to thoroughly reheat the oil to >140F for several minutes before reuse, that should destroy any botulinum toxin that might've developed in the interim, but at that point you might as well make a fresh batch.)
2. make oatmeal.
2a. fry an egg. Sunny-side up will finish about when the oatmeal does.
3. drizzle the oil + shallots, season with salt and pepper
4. eat.

the weekday recipe:

1. pretty much the same as the gohan tamago-style thing with rice in my other comment, but with oatmeal.
posted by kagredon at 10:14 AM on May 12, 2015 [1 favorite]

Today I had smoked salmon cause you just eat ir, no cooking
posted by The Whelk at 11:43 AM on May 12, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm a night owl, eating anything before I've been up for an hour or two makes me pretty queasy and grossed out. I can sometimes manage a few sips of tea, but that's about it. Generally, I loathe breakfast with the fire of a thousand suns, mostly because I really hate eggs. The texture is gross and they smell weird.

So savory breakfasts are right out. But sweet breakfasts aren't very filling at all. I've been eating one of the following: a granola bar/Greek yogurt/peanut butter and crackers/handful of the few nuts I can tolerate, but meh. I'm always hungry again after like 2 hours.

Maybe overnight oats will work. I'd love to feel more full in the mornings so I stop inhaling my lunch too early and them wind up feeling starving around 3.
posted by PearlRose at 12:56 PM on May 12, 2015

PearlRose: I have a solution to this. You give in, start eating your lunch at 11am or whatever, and rename it breakfast. Then you have lunch (the second one) at 3pm. You don't even need to make two different meals. Just make twice as much of whatever you'd normally have, and eat half of it at 11 and half at three. The only problem is if your employer is uncool with you having your lunchbreak at abnormal times, but unless you are in a job like retail, you can probably eat at least one of those meals at your desk.
posted by lollusc at 8:43 PM on May 12, 2015 [1 favorite]