Mitt Romney
May 16, 2015 7:45 PM   Subscribe

Strong Like Bull (slideshow)
posted by maggieb (32 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 


Wait, actually?
posted by saturday_morning at 8:02 PM on May 16, 2015 [4 favorites]


Even in real life Mitt's head looks like it's been Photoshopped in...
posted by jim in austin at 8:03 PM on May 16, 2015 [31 favorites]


The jokes are too easy, even for me, and it's for a good cause, so...well done.
posted by uosuaq at 8:23 PM on May 16, 2015 [3 favorites]


He looks good for 68. And this is the first time I've seen Romney do anything that made him appear as an actual organic human. Candidate Romney came off as someone who would never lift a finger for a charity.

Genuinely happy to have seen this.
posted by riruro at 8:29 PM on May 16, 2015 [5 favorites]


I still don't believe he's not going to run. I'm figuring the narrative is going to be "blah blah they begged me to run blah."

And funny that you should say this makes him appear as an actual organic human. It seems very, very calculated to me. Sure, there's money going to charity for this... and unless people are paying a million dollars a seat, Romney could rummage around under the sofa cushions and come up with more money to give.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:35 PM on May 16, 2015 [1 favorite]


Any story of last night is incomplete without this.

Ann Romney on Twitter: "Loved being part of Mitt's posse tonight. #CVfightnight
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:49 PM on May 16, 2015 [3 favorites]


As a near-60-year-old white guy, color me impressed.
posted by rmmcclay at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2015


This is such a bizarre thing to do for charity. I mean, I know Holyfield is famous for being a boxer, but it's just sort of a weird thing to do to raise money...

"So, we've decided to very halfheartedly simulate a blood sport using a retired fighter and a guy famous for losing a presidential election, who knows jack shit about boxing, for 2 minutes before calling it quits. This will be a total sham, let me be clear: No one will actually attempt very hard to throw a punch, and any punches that land will be so incredibly weak as to not even be able to break a wet tissue."

I'd rather have watched them play a real game of chess. I mean, hooray for charity and all, but why did you pick this?
posted by axiom at 8:56 PM on May 16, 2015 [8 favorites]


Couldn't we at least get Balboa vs. Thunderlips on the card?
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 9:05 PM on May 16, 2015 [2 favorites]


Mitt's correct, I would have given A LOT of money for him to be curbstomped in that fight.

Don't mind me, I will never forgive nor forget Mitt's smirking as he walked off the podium after talking about 4 dead Americans.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:42 PM on May 16, 2015 [7 favorites]


Can't wait to see the best pics from his tiger photoshoot.
posted by Nerd of the North at 10:12 PM on May 16, 2015


I think the thing about him being an "organic human" is accurate; but not "organic" in the sense of "sincere", I think it's like "organic" in the sense of "is a male human, look!" What other excuse could they have engineered to get his shirt off in the national media.
posted by bleep at 10:20 PM on May 16, 2015


"organic" as opposed to "conventional" human
posted by NoraReed at 10:30 PM on May 16, 2015


Well, why discriminate.
posted by bleep at 10:43 PM on May 16, 2015


He's organic because his pod was raised without pesticides.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:04 PM on May 16, 2015 [13 favorites]


Winner goes on to fight the winner of the Butterbean v Vladimir Putin match.
posted by not_on_display at 11:16 PM on May 16, 2015 [4 favorites]


Holyfield's torso looks better than my torso will look at 50 and Romney's torso looks better than my torso will look at 70.

Clearly this wasn't about boxing, so I'm just appreciating what this event is truly intended to highlight: above average geriatric male torsos.
posted by dgaicun at 12:08 AM on May 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


What if they got into a ring and played Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots instead
posted by Apocryphon at 12:45 AM on May 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is about as compelling as watching that thing that happens when a little kid wants to keep playing Go Fish or whatever despite having played like twenty hands and the parent is too tired to give much of a fuck about anything because this is your life now and you just want to drool in front of the television and sip whiskey in silence but you can't because this kid won't shut the fuck up and so they half-ass the game out of the corner of their eye while staring off into nothing and the kid is over the moon practically wetting themselves because they figured out that they can cheat and win every hand and daddy won't notice and holy shit this is amazing I must be a wizard but of course daddy knows because who wouldn't but daddy will take any opportunity to just sit for a while and let it all wash over him because he's a parent now and that's how it goes and this is definitely what he wanted and expected out of life and hey look you won another hand you're really good at this.
posted by Rhomboid at 12:49 AM on May 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


So that's what 68 years of unimaginable wealth does to a body.
posted by Yowser at 1:35 AM on May 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Remember when we laughed at the photos of a bare-chested Putin and how amateurish that propaganda was? Yeah.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:01 AM on May 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


bleep: "I think the thing about him being an "organic human" is accurate; but not "organic" in the sense of "sincere", I think it's like "organic" in the sense of "is a male human, look!""

I'll go as far as to say he's carbon-based.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 2:18 AM on May 17, 2015


I find it hard to hate Romney, and that's not something I can say of a lot of Republicans. He seems genuinely disconnected from other humans, in a way that seems to bother him a little. He's like George W (awful, entitled fratboy) crossed with Commander Data (always trying to understand the humans, naive yet calculating). It's a weird fucking mix. If his face fell off and there were a bunch of wires and blinky lights in there, it would explain so much.

It's pathetic that he is better by miles than any of the other Republican contenders. But he is. That smug, weirdo replicant is the best they got.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:52 AM on May 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


When A Fish Called Wanda came out, I was in my 20s and the sight of John Cleese naked 40 year old flesh sent me into hysterics. Now I marvel at what good shape he was in.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:43 AM on May 17, 2015


I'm still not sure this is real. I saw it, got coffee, went back to sleep anyway, and woke up, and it's still here.
posted by angrycat at 7:53 AM on May 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Mitt Romney never doubted himself for a minute for he knew that his monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat.
posted by jonp72 at 8:33 AM on May 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Get back to me when a serving senator and a sitting member of the lower house (later party leader) throw it down for reals (and charity too).
posted by hangashore at 9:24 AM on May 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Would also like to see:

Prince Charles v Benedict Cumberbatch
Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) v Pope Benedict XIV
Roger Moore v An Ostrich
Peter Jackson v Brian Blessed (match to last 12 hours)
The House Of Lords v Shambling Twenty-Foot Golem Made Of A Billion Enraged Fire-Ants
R2D2 v Stephen Hawking - On Ice
posted by Devonian at 10:51 AM on May 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Would also like to see:

Deontay Wilder v Willard "Mitt" Romney
Ruslan Chagaev v Willard "Mitt" Romney
Bermane Stiverne v Willard "Mitt" Romney
Alexander Povetkin v Willard "Mitt" Romney
"Iron Mike" Tyson v Willard "Mitt" Romney
Jackie Chan v Willard "Mitt" Romney
posted by Cookiebastard at 11:32 AM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I didn't see the video, and it took me a while before it clicked that it was just kind of a play fight and they weren't throwing serious punches. That made Romney look a little less crazy. That happy-puppy-grin during a freaking boxing match is eerie as hell.

When A Fish Called Wanda came out, I was in my 20s and the sight of John Cleese naked 40 year old flesh sent me into hysterics.

Cleese was actually closer to 50. But there's something inherently hilarious about Cleese naked. He was just never meant to be naked, it doesn't suit him.

Aging has such a weird effect on men's bodies. Years ago I saw a gallery of pictures of Iggy Pop onstage, invariably shirtless, and he had that tight, amazing Iggy Pop chest long after his face went all craggy on him. But then, boom, he had an old man body. Still in shape, but just lumpy and withered because he was old. It's like past a certain point, nothing short of steroids can keep a guy fun to look at with his shirt off. (YMMV.) Last I saw Anthony Keidis he still looked fine without a shirt, but his day is coming if it hasn't already. If time can make Iggy Pop look like your grandpa on a hot day, nobody is safe.

Romney shirtless doesn't look bad for his age, but he also doesn't look so good that it was a good idea to strip down for PR purposes.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:19 PM on May 17, 2015


I wanna see Putin v Romney. Mittens definitely has the reach and a fair bit of weight. And I see the first couple rounds being all smiles and fun. But the moment Mitt lets his guard down...
posted by wotsac at 10:12 PM on May 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


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