I'm like 90% sure this horse is an unholy abomination.
May 30, 2015 10:42 PM Subscribe
AC Stuart illustrates your D&D stories. The artist AKA Noob the Loser (previously) is doing a series of comics based on YOUR ridiculous tabletop RPG stories. Warning: distinct lack of tastefulness. (I mean, it's really nothing compared to an actual gaming session, in my experience, but ... )
Ah yes, the legendary gazebo! I think he's really only illustrating people's stories they've submitted, not classic stories. It did put me in mind of something that happened to my group playing a homebrew cyberpunk story, back in the day (approx. 1 million years ago). Reconstructed from very distant memories, mind you--except the dumpster. I remember that dumpster.
GM (me): OK, you escaped to the alley.
Player 1: I'm going to use my weapon to burn a message into the wall!
Player 2: Me too!
GM: Uh, OK. Roll for accuracy.
Player 1: ...Critical failure.
Player 2: ...Uh...me too...
GM: *checks homebrew tables* *tables say SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS*
GM: You both managed to hit the dumpster instead.
Players: Ha ha, d'oh.
GM: The dumpster fires back.
Players: WHAAAAAT
GM: ROLL INITIATIVE!
They eventually managed to defeat the dumpster, for the record. It took much longer than it should have.
Good times.
posted by wintersweet at 11:14 PM on May 30, 2015 [20 favorites]
GM (me): OK, you escaped to the alley.
Player 1: I'm going to use my weapon to burn a message into the wall!
Player 2: Me too!
GM: Uh, OK. Roll for accuracy.
Player 1: ...Critical failure.
Player 2: ...Uh...me too...
GM: *checks homebrew tables* *tables say SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS*
GM: You both managed to hit the dumpster instead.
Players: Ha ha, d'oh.
GM: The dumpster fires back.
Players: WHAAAAAT
GM: ROLL INITIATIVE!
They eventually managed to defeat the dumpster, for the record. It took much longer than it should have.
Good times.
posted by wintersweet at 11:14 PM on May 30, 2015 [20 favorites]
I liked several of these a lot--thanks for posting them. I'm also reminded of this FPP and this FPP, as well as the story of Garg and Moonslicer insofar as it's an 'illustration' of an absurd sort of Sage Advice question and an inspiration for many, many works of fan art and whatnot on Reddit.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 11:14 PM on May 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Monsieur Caution at 11:14 PM on May 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
My henchmen ditched me for an 18 out of 20d.
My character is a 27th lvl burglar with Spell Jammer contacts.
I want an 8x10 glossy.
posted by clavdivs at 11:42 PM on May 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
My character is a 27th lvl burglar with Spell Jammer contacts.
I want an 8x10 glossy.
posted by clavdivs at 11:42 PM on May 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
A few of these resemble what a Mel Brooks' D&D would look like
That's agood great thing.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:24 AM on May 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
That's a
posted by lmfsilva at 3:24 AM on May 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
YEAAAHH!!
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:26 AM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:26 AM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
That gazebo story keeps coming up but I swear it's in a popular module like Temple of Elemental Evil or Castle Greyhawk or something because it also happened to me. It was my brother, Steve, Julian and me. I'm 3-4 years older than these guys so when we run into the gazebo 12 year old Steve says, "I shoot it." And I think to myself, "hell no, this is actually happening".
Afterwards I ask "do you even know what a gazebo is" and he says "no." But he's like, 12, so what can I say.
posted by fiercekitten at 9:23 AM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Afterwards I ask "do you even know what a gazebo is" and he says "no." But he's like, 12, so what can I say.
posted by fiercekitten at 9:23 AM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
Damn that is awesome. I've followed the site for a while, but just the comics, I didn't know they had branched out.
posted by Canageek at 1:35 PM on May 31, 2015
posted by Canageek at 1:35 PM on May 31, 2015
My story is actually from a Champions game i
was in.
Player: "I"m going to pump my strength to max, and do a full speed move-through on the building exit door."
GM: "You DO realize that it's a regular door?"
Player: "I'm going for it!" *rolls dice* "Oh pits."
GM: "You miss the door. Roll to do damage to the wall."
*rollrollroll*
GM: *calculates* "Give me a minute...the hole radius is forty meters. You took out the entire side of the skyscraper."
Player: "Oops."
GM: "The door however, is still standing!"
It was that sort of superhero game. The one which also featured Norweigan coffee demons.
posted by happyroach at 2:25 PM on May 31, 2015 [5 favorites]
was in.
Player: "I"m going to pump my strength to max, and do a full speed move-through on the building exit door."
GM: "You DO realize that it's a regular door?"
Player: "I'm going for it!" *rolls dice* "Oh pits."
GM: "You miss the door. Roll to do damage to the wall."
*rollrollroll*
GM: *calculates* "Give me a minute...the hole radius is forty meters. You took out the entire side of the skyscraper."
Player: "Oops."
GM: "The door however, is still standing!"
It was that sort of superhero game. The one which also featured Norweigan coffee demons.
posted by happyroach at 2:25 PM on May 31, 2015 [5 favorites]
I don't understand how D&D works. I keep reading all these stories that sound like it has a very loose structure and the GM basically makes up the rules and story as they go. But then there are all these computer games which are supposedly an exact implementation of the D&D rules, and they're extremely rigid and boring, e.g. Neverwinter Nights.
posted by pravit at 3:29 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by pravit at 3:29 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't understand how D&D works. I keep reading all these stories that sound like it has a very loose structure ...
All its flaws aside, the old Threefold Model of role-playing styles addresses this particular point pretty well. Basically, it can work a number of different ways, depending on the play style of the group, how often they decide to play out an encounter in combat rounds, which set of rules they're using, and whether they use all the rules. Other game systems will tend to support different play styles in different ways, but in practice, they're all played with some variation at the tabletop.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 3:47 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
All its flaws aside, the old Threefold Model of role-playing styles addresses this particular point pretty well. Basically, it can work a number of different ways, depending on the play style of the group, how often they decide to play out an encounter in combat rounds, which set of rules they're using, and whether they use all the rules. Other game systems will tend to support different play styles in different ways, but in practice, they're all played with some variation at the tabletop.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 3:47 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
pravit, yes, they're very different. The creative, human, spontaneous, interactive storytelling element is why I like tabletop RPGs. Sure, you can take the mathematical bones and nomenclature of the system and put it into a computer game, but it's completely different. (I mean, there ARE people who try to play tabletop in a way that's as rules-focused and objective as possible, but those people are no fun at all.) I can't think of a good analogy (a jam session vs. an mp3? a loose, jokey soccer session with your friends vs. EA's FIFA?). Though I wouldn't say that the video game versions are pale imitations of tabletop gaming; I'd say they're just completely different experiences that have similar decorating schemes.
posted by wintersweet at 3:51 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wintersweet at 3:51 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am tempted to submit an "Over the Edge" campaign that I was in where two characters burst through the door off an office complex in what was supposed to be the dramatic climax. Then one of the other players says, "I look around and no idea what my character is doing here. So I leave." This left my character with a couple of clubs going "A-ha!" before being captured and thrown out of the country.
The end! No moral.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:06 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
The end! No moral.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 4:06 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
dammit, I need a moral! GIVE ME A MORAL!
posted by hippybear at 4:43 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by hippybear at 4:43 PM on May 31, 2015 [1 favorite]
It was that sort of superhero game. The one which also featured Norweigan coffee demons.
"Norwegian coffee demons" gets you a favorite, happyroach. Please elaborate.
posted by Songdog at 5:17 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
"Norwegian coffee demons" gets you a favorite, happyroach. Please elaborate.
posted by Songdog at 5:17 PM on May 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
I will never forget the story I read somewhere on the Internet (I'm thinking Usenet) about a random encounter a sadistic DM (as if there were any other kind) set up with a Kender Necromancer, who had a massive number of zombies doing a conga line. I need to see this.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:16 PM on May 31, 2015
posted by entropicamericana at 9:16 PM on May 31, 2015
"It was that sort of superhero game. The one which also featured Norweigan coffee demons."
"Norwegian coffee demons" gets you a favorite, happyroach. Please elaborate.
There wasn't THAT much to it. It was three players: Demonstone, a half-demon, paranoid to the point of berserk rage about demons. Tiny, a Norwegian brick in the form of a skinny, red-headed girl, and the third, guest player, who for some reason decided to play Acroyear of the Micronauts. Don't ask me, I was just the GM.
Again for reasons incomprehensible, the player of Acroyear decided that instead of cooperating, he would infiltrate the base of the rest of the PCs. When he heard people approaching the kitchen, he decided to hide in the coffee pot. As you do. When Demonstone heard noises coming from the coffee pot his eyes went wide, which is when Tiny leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially:
"Demonstone. It's Norwegian Coffee Demons!"
*CRUNCH!*
Granted, it was the sort of game where, after the interdimensional raccoon, where coffee demons might be a reasonable opponent.
posted by happyroach at 12:05 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Norwegian coffee demons" gets you a favorite, happyroach. Please elaborate.
There wasn't THAT much to it. It was three players: Demonstone, a half-demon, paranoid to the point of berserk rage about demons. Tiny, a Norwegian brick in the form of a skinny, red-headed girl, and the third, guest player, who for some reason decided to play Acroyear of the Micronauts. Don't ask me, I was just the GM.
Again for reasons incomprehensible, the player of Acroyear decided that instead of cooperating, he would infiltrate the base of the rest of the PCs. When he heard people approaching the kitchen, he decided to hide in the coffee pot. As you do. When Demonstone heard noises coming from the coffee pot his eyes went wide, which is when Tiny leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially:
"Demonstone. It's Norwegian Coffee Demons!"
*CRUNCH!*
Granted, it was the sort of game where, after the interdimensional raccoon, where coffee demons might be a reasonable opponent.
posted by happyroach at 12:05 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
That gazebo story keeps coming up but I swear it's in a popular module like Temple of Elemental Evil or Castle Greyhawk or something
It's in Munchkin.
posted by Gelatin at 6:56 AM on June 1, 2015
It's in Munchkin.
posted by Gelatin at 6:56 AM on June 1, 2015
It's in Munchkin.
The gazebo in Munchkin is a reference to all the stories, not the source of them--it only dates to 2000. I think fiercekitten is speculating that mention of a gazebo is included, as simple descriptive text, in an old/classic D&D module, because otherwise it seems odd that there are so many stories. (I think this is possible, but it's also very urban legend-y, so who knows.)
posted by wintersweet at 9:44 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
The gazebo in Munchkin is a reference to all the stories, not the source of them--it only dates to 2000. I think fiercekitten is speculating that mention of a gazebo is included, as simple descriptive text, in an old/classic D&D module, because otherwise it seems odd that there are so many stories. (I think this is possible, but it's also very urban legend-y, so who knows.)
posted by wintersweet at 9:44 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
See also Eric and the (Dread) Gazebo, which dates to 1985 or so.
posted by wintersweet at 9:46 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wintersweet at 9:46 AM on June 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
« Older Beau Biden | Fatal police shootings in 2015 approaching 400... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by hippybear at 11:07 PM on May 30, 2015 [3 favorites]