Respect the Bass
June 6, 2015 7:54 PM   Subscribe

 
In fact, recent studies indicate it is all about that bass.

I'll see myself out.
posted by maryr at 7:56 PM on June 6, 2015 [43 favorites]


Who the heck makes fun of bass players? Is this really a thing?
posted by Thorzdad at 8:00 PM on June 6, 2015 [21 favorites]


Speaking as a scientist whose little brother plays bass, I couldn't disagree more.
posted by 7segment at 8:01 PM on June 6, 2015 [18 favorites]




I'd always made fun of drummers. Does that mean I liked bass players before it was cool?

(Seriously, they're the grounded understated musicians that keep everyone on track. Crush on the bassist.)
posted by jaguar at 8:07 PM on June 6, 2015 [9 favorites]


They forgot one major name from their roster of 'greatest' songwriters who played the bass: Brian Wilson.
posted by grounded at 8:07 PM on June 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


So there's this guy on safari, who when travelling through the jungle hears some incredible drumming coming from a distance. The following conversation ensues with his local guide:

Guy: Wow! That's amazing -- let's see if we find it!
Guide: No! We must go now -- when drums stop, big trouble!
Guy: But the drumming sounds amazing, I really want to check it out
Guide: No -- we must go, when drums stop, big trouble!
Guy: But this is the kind of thing I came here to experience! I really want to hear it!
Guide: No! We must go before drums stop!
Guy: But why? What happens when the drums stop?
Guide: Bass solo!!
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 PM on June 6, 2015 [54 favorites]


I am ... such an old fogey. My first thought was, "I thought we made fun of tuba players." Then I segued into "Oh, bass players." When I hear "bass", I just never immediately think of guitars.
posted by worldswalker at 8:20 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


I didn't know this was controversial.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:23 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Wait, people make fun of bass players? Hello? Jaco Pastorius, people!
(And also, Victor Wooten!)
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 8:23 PM on June 6, 2015 [8 favorites]


as carol kaye said, and sting hints at, bass playing is arranging - and it's not an oversized guitar with big strings, either

musicians don't really understand the bass until they've learned to play one- - in the past 30 - 40 years i'd pick one up once in awhile and fool with it - it always felt good to do it and i seemed to get good results

about 7 years ago, i got sick of playing keyboards for bass for my recordings and got a real one - i love playing it, even though it's a lot more difficult than guitar or keyboards - every note counts and has to be played in time, wiith attitude and good tone

i really wish i'd picked it up a long time ago
posted by pyramid termite at 8:26 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


I'm in the camp of, the article is right, but we still make fun of bass players.

What is more uninspiring than a technically proficient but thoroughly mediocre bassist?

A wizard? Does wonders for the music. but they are few and far between - while every hack tries to stumble into the pocket.
posted by entropone at 8:29 PM on June 6, 2015


I played bass in a college band. At no point in my life have I ever claimed to be able to play music.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 8:32 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


But... it's funny!
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:34 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


Mike Huckabee is still fair game though, right?
posted by uosuaq at 8:35 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]



What is more uninspiring than a technically proficient but thoroughly mediocre bassist?


someone who can't play at all I guess. But I'm not sure that someone can be both technically proficient and mediocre at the same time. People who think bass is easy are either incredibly musically gifted or don't understand how to arrange bass in any context.
posted by WhitenoisE at 8:40 PM on June 6, 2015


One of my favorite pieces of movie trivia is from "That Thing You Do!". Out of the four band members, all three are called by name in the course of the film... except for the bass player portrayed by Ethan Embry. When you get to the end credits, the character's name is listed as "T. B. Player".
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 8:41 PM on June 6, 2015 [9 favorites]


Which bass players are you going to make fun of?

Les Claypool? No. Flea? I dare you. Mark Sandman? You're going to make fun of Mark Sandman. You. Someone who is actually not a god who lives on Olympus. Sure.

Kim Gordon? Yeahhhh, no.

o i no! i will mak fon uf John Paul Jones, because I am clearly an AI failing the touring test.

I mean, really... No. Not gonna let this go.

John Entwhistle, let's poke fun at him. I like being swallowed by the earth itself.

And oh my gawd, these are all white bassists... there's an entire universe of funk and blues and soul bassists that would get you smote by Thor from High Valhalla for making fun of them.

So, as usual, science has it right. Don't. Make. Fun. Of. Bassists.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:42 PM on June 6, 2015 [16 favorites]


I don't know about bassists, but you know how to make a violist play a passage pianissimo tremolando?




Mark it 'solo'!
posted by echo target at 8:42 PM on June 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Once Upon An Upright (self post, germane, more compact than cutting and pasting)
posted by tspae at 8:43 PM on June 6, 2015


But I'm not sure that someone can be both technically proficient and mediocre at the same time.

Youtube is filled with boring, show-off, slap bassists. Mediocre!
posted by thelonius at 8:43 PM on June 6, 2015 [10 favorites]


Nobody who has ever tried to find a bassist for their band thinks bassists are useless.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:45 PM on June 6, 2015 [8 favorites]


guitar center's full of those slap happy kids, too - out of all the times i've heard bassists there, they're usually doing that crap - and only once have i ever heard anyone do it with the groove and funk required
posted by pyramid termite at 8:47 PM on June 6, 2015


I'm a bassist. I don't mind the jokes.

What are the three most difficult years in a bassist's life?
Third grade.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:50 PM on June 6, 2015 [28 favorites]


Who the heck makes fun of bass players?

Other bass players.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:54 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


Argument against. And one in favor.
posted by carsonb at 8:54 PM on June 6, 2015


What's the difference between a bass player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
Put sheet music in front of him.

What do you call a bass player with a job?
"Waiter!"

What do you call a bass player in a three-piece suit?
The defendant.

How many bluegrass bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
I-V-I-V-I-V ...

No, but really, how many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the pianist does it with his left hand.

"Dad, I want to be a bass player when I grow up!"
"Son, you have to make a choice, you can't do both!"

A boy starts bass lessons. After his first lesson, his father asks him what he learned. "I learned what the E-string is!" the boy replies.
After his second lesson, his father asks again. "I learned about the A-string!" the boy says.
After his third lesson, his father asks again what he learned today.
"Oh, I didn't go," the boy replies. "I had a gig."

What do you call two bassists playing in unison?
A minor second.

Why can't bassists tell--
TIMING.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:04 PM on June 6, 2015 [76 favorites]


Who plays bass for Sleater-Kinney? Right.
posted by Cosine at 9:10 PM on June 6, 2015


What did the bass player get on his SAT?
Drool.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:10 PM on June 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


Okay here's two LONG bassist jokes which feel obligatory:

A guy is vacationing on a South Pacific island and he hears some drums beating and beating and beating in the distance. It's really annoying, he can't sleep, and he asks the locals about the drums. A local chief tells him, "When drums stop, very bad."
It goes on for days and days. The guy can't sleep. He's exhausted. He asks the chief again, and the chief says, "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad."
It keeps going. Finally, after days and days of non-stop drums, there's a sudden silence. The natives run away screaming, everyone is completely panicking. The vacationer turns to the chief and says, "This isn't so bad, why is everyone freaking out?"
"This very bad," replies the chief. "When drums stop, bass solo."

---

The Chicago Symphony was rehearsing Beethoven's Ninth, which is a great symphony but has a long, dull section about 20 minutes long where the bassists don't play a single note. The bass section is sick to death of just standing around looking stupid, but that's the gig. On the night of the concert, however, there's a Cubs game, and the bassists all agree they should head across the street to the bar and at least catch up on the game during the 20 minutes with no music.

"But won't Maestro Muti notice we're gone?" asked the most junior bassist.

"Oh, don't worry about that," the section leader told him. "I tied a little note to his score so he'll know we just ran across the street to catch the end of the Cubs game."

After securing a round, they pounded back their beers as quickly as they could, so they wouldn't be late getting back. The Cubs were down 2-1, so they hoisted another round for luck. And then another. Fifteen minutes later the bassists meant to leave the bar, but the Cubs were tied 2-2 and the bass section kept waiting for just one more pitch ... finally the second chair insisted they were about to miss their entrance, so they drained their pitchers and staggered back across the street.

As they stumbled back into place and tried to pick up their instruments in time to make their entrance, they saw Maestro Muti sweating bullets, his face dark as a thundercloud; the pages of the score of Beethoven's Ninth had become irrevocably tangled in the string of the note the section leader had left, and his baton was flailing wildly as he tried to keep the orchestra in order, because

It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied ...
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:19 PM on June 6, 2015 [44 favorites]


s l o w c l a p
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:28 PM on June 6, 2015 [3 favorites]


"John Paul Jones piano"

-Robert Plant, circa 1975.
posted by clavdivs at 9:31 PM on June 6, 2015



Really, take a break guys, give those base players the respect they deserve.... anyway there's always... take a beat... on the down beat...nuck nuck....

Violists!


How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?
Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?
Mark it "solo."
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
What do you do with a dead violist?
Move him back a desk.
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viola.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two violists playing in unison.
What's the definiton of "perfect pitch?"
Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.
What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.
What's the difference between a washing machine and a violist?
Vibrato.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to the viola?
It saves time.
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
How was the canon invented?
Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.
posted by sammyo at 9:37 PM on June 6, 2015 [13 favorites]


What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
Viola holds more beer.
posted by maryr at 9:49 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


"The conductor came to my house!?"
posted by maryr at 9:50 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]


At this point in the history of instrument jokes, we should probably be playing "supply the question" instead of supplying the full joke.

For example, supply the question: "nobody cries when you chop up a guitar."
posted by uosuaq at 9:53 PM on June 6, 2015 [2 favorites]




entropone: "...What is more uninspiring than a technically proficient but thoroughly mediocre bassist?"

Lars Ulrich.
posted by symbioid at 9:56 PM on June 6, 2015 [11 favorites]


Slap*Happy: "And oh my gawd, these are all white bassists... there's an entire universe of funk and blues and soul bassists that would get you smote by Thor from High Valhalla stomped on by the funky feet of the one and only Bootzilla, yaba daba dooo baby... for making fun of them."
posted by symbioid at 9:59 PM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Even though the thread started with a reference to her song, nobody was suspicious that some of this research was done by a scientist who shares the surname Trainor with Meghan of "All About That Bass" fame? Shenanigans I say! (I don't, really.)
posted by gingerest at 10:20 PM on June 6, 2015 [4 favorites]


(I mean, all it takes to prove bass is important is Bootsy Collins.)
posted by gingerest at 10:22 PM on June 6, 2015 [5 favorites]


A band is playing in some little club, and we've been privileged to look inside their brains to read their thoughts:

The lead guitarist is thinking “wow, check out the hotties here tonight! Totally gonna score later, this is a great night!”

The drummer is thinking “wow, a packed house! We might finally be able to make some scratch tonight, this is a great night!”

The keyboardist is thinking “for crying out loud, I have more talent in one hand than the rest of these bozos put together. But do I get any appreciation? Of course not! Why just the other day…”

And the bassist is thinking “G, E♭, G, B, …"
posted by traveler_ at 10:22 PM on June 6, 2015 [9 favorites]


Someone above cited the omission of songwriters who were also bass-players, such as Brian Wilson. Let us not forget the great Marcus Miller, who's had a prolific sideman and solo career, did the house band gig at SNL for a bit, and is also as a film composer and producer (his work on a number of the later Miles Davis recordings for example).
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:28 PM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


In between sets, the rest of the band found the bass player slapping one of the roadies around while screaming invective at him. With some effort they wrenched the two men apart and asked their bandmate what the hell his problem was. Panted the enraged bassist, pointing a furious finger at the roadie, "The little bastard turned one of my tuning pegs, and he won't tell me which one!"
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:30 PM on June 6, 2015 [6 favorites]


The article says "Science Suggests Bassists Are Far More Important Than Most People Realize."

Well, sure, just ask any bassist...


Must credit underpetticoatrule with that one, though he didn't realize he was joking when he said it...
posted by rednikki at 10:35 PM on June 6, 2015


Who plays bass for Sleater-Kinney? Right.

Did you ever notice that their vocals sound kind of like Geddy Lee?
posted by thelonius at 10:56 PM on June 6, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nobody ever takes pictures of the drummer.

Also, come on y'all, Red Hot Chili Peppers? Totally famous because of their bassist.
posted by oceanjesse at 11:02 PM on June 6, 2015


Where would Third Uncle be without that bass intro? Well the whole song for that matter.
posted by boilermonster at 11:14 PM on June 6, 2015 [3 favorites]




And who played bass in the band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline? Donald "Duck" Dunn, of course.
posted by Spatch at 11:30 PM on June 6, 2015 [11 favorites]


All About That Bass, with bass

OMG. SEE? Crush on the bass player!!!
posted by jaguar at 11:48 PM on June 6, 2015


Decades ago I bought a bass instructional book (it must have been decades, because it came with cassettes) called Standing in the Shadows of Motown, about James Jamerson, the bassist on 97% of the Motown hits of the sixties. (The other 3% was Bob Babbitt.) The guy who put it together had sought out a lot of great bassists and asked them to play their favourite Jamerson part, then taken the tracks back, added drums, guitars and keyboards and built the rest of the song around that, save for the vocals -- what he wound up with was instrumental recreations of dozens of iconic songs. Because it was an instructional thing, the audio cassettes had the bass panned hard left and everything else hard right, so you could listen to the bass part in isolation if you wished, or play bass to the rest of the track. And here is the thing: these songs with fantastic grooves, once you subtract the bass, became unmemorable assemblages of drum slaps and keyboard stabs. Jamerson absolutely made every track, as we have discussed here before. Bonus factoid: SitSoM is so far as I know the only book of music instruction to have become a feature film (it touches on the rest of the Funk Brothers, but the absent Jamerson is the god among them).

tl;dr -- if you mock James Jamerson, I will cut you.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:31 AM on June 7, 2015 [27 favorites]


As someone who works as a session player on keys, guitar, and bass about equally, I get hate from all angles. At least drummers and singers fuckin' blow, right? So there's that.

Bass is definitely the most fun though. Especially when the slapping begins, that's when you know shit just got real
posted by jake at 1:34 AM on June 7, 2015


Music scientists say we should take bassists seriously; ridicule scientists say it's fine to mock them. They also raise the secondary issue of why the music scientists don't marry the bassists if they love them so much.
posted by Segundus at 2:15 AM on June 7, 2015 [11 favorites]


[Kids in the Hall bass sketch linked earlier]
Narrator: "But everyone hates the bass player. No one invites the bass player to the party after the show."
Bassist: "Hey what're you guys doin' after the show? ... Oh nothin'? Okay."

oh shit, that's what that was (says the former bari saxophonist)
posted by fraula at 2:22 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Jah Wobble. That is all.
posted by Paul Slade at 2:26 AM on June 7, 2015 [5 favorites]


He can change a light bulb.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 2:33 AM on June 7, 2015


guitar center's full of those slap happy kids, too - out of all the times i've heard bassists there, they're usually doing that crap - and only once have i ever heard anyone do it with the groove and funk required

These dinguses are hanging out at guitar center going "bleelta bleelta" Because they're not in a band, for good reasons.

Let me reveal the secret of the bass: Aston "Famly Man" Barrett. I obviously have a lot of favorites, but that's the man who distilled it down to its most pure essence.

For bonus points, Paul McCartney' best bass track (by inches over Something, mind you) is Hey Bulldog.

Marking Gaye's Let's Get it On is the sexiest song ever written, partly because of Jamerson's groove.

And then, there's Colin Moulding, who was utterly perfect for like, what, 25 XTC albums? Melt The Guns changed my life in that's when I decided to go fretless.

Anecdote: a friend was hanging out at a rehearsal & asked me what the difference was between my fretted & fretless basses. Before I could open my mouth, Dennis the smartass drummer said "This one shows him where to put his fingers. That one he plays out of tune." Touché, my stage-leveler. God, I love a good drummer.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:45 AM on June 7, 2015 [9 favorites]


The Story of the Bass - worth a watch if you haven't seen it.

I've played guitar for about 20 years. I finally got myself a bass about 18 months ago. I love it so much. Playing lead just feels so lame now. I can sit there just playing a five note riff on the bass for an hour, just hearing it, making it sound tight. Fantastic instrument.
posted by Jimbob at 2:47 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'd always made fun of drummers.

What do you call a guy who hangs out with the band?

A drummer.

Everyone has respect for the lead guitarist for a reason: the hand that rocks the chords rules the band.
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 2:59 AM on June 7, 2015


> Who plays bass for Sleater-Kinney? Right.

>Did you ever notice that their vocals sound kind of like Geddy Lee?

No. But speaking of the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy!
posted by Beware of the leopard at 3:12 AM on June 7, 2015 [7 favorites]


'Thundercat, an extraordinarily influential hip-hop bassist and a vital contributor to Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp a Butterfly, said it best: "I decided to take it as far as it could go and to use my skill as a tool. You don't have to just hit nails with hammers, you know; you can use a hammer to beat somebody's brains in, to make armor or break a car window,"'

I like that picture of Paul Simonon on this cover of London Calling as much as the next person, but maybe Thundercat could have discussed uses of his tool less focused on damage to people and property. Still I reckon he's guaranteed he doesn't get asked to help with any DIY for the next few years, so fair play to him on that.
posted by howfar at 3:16 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


That one he plays out of tune

If it makes you feel any better, Christian McBride says it is harder to play fretless electric in tune than it is to play upright in tune
posted by thelonius at 3:31 AM on June 7, 2015


A lot of the music I listen leans heavily towards the bass. I play the guitar more or less like a bass.

The bassist is irrelevant in a lot of bands because they either put a friend and tell him to put the finger in one of the frets and keep strumming that string like some sort of humanoid metronome until the song ends, or some very basic, unremarkable progressions.
New Order turned to crap once they decided to turn into a shitty pop-rock band after their 1998 reunion (the decline might have started with Republic back in 1993, but it was still a decent record). I've seen Peter Hook playing Joy Division a few years back,even if it was son doing most of the playing. I wouldn't see New Order now even it was free on an empty lot across the corner.
posted by lmfsilva at 4:23 AM on June 7, 2015


the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy!

I know him and he does.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:36 AM on June 7, 2015 [12 favorites]


My favorite bass player is Jack Whites octave pedal.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:37 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


What's the easiest way to tell if the stage is level?

The $DISFAVORED_INSTRUMENT player is drooling out both sides of his/her mouth.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:58 AM on June 7, 2015 [10 favorites]


Paul McCartney' best bass track

I Saw Her Standing There. The outrageous, sustained, whole-bar long, song-making high 'C' he plays on the D string to support the falsetto 'Ooh' in the refrain was probably the single most hair-raising thing in their early act.
posted by colie at 5:14 AM on June 7, 2015 [3 favorites]




Thank you, ROU_Xenophobe, for supplying the variable.

What do you call a $DISFAVORED_INSTRUMENT player whose girlfriend breaks up with him?

Homeless.
posted by HeroZero at 6:11 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


My favorite bass player is Jack Whites octave pedal.

That's odd, my favorite guitar player is Amy Humphrey's Rickenbacker
posted by thelonius at 6:28 AM on June 7, 2015


Band manager comes into the dressing room, sees the bass player and guitarist rolling around on the floor, fighting with each other.

Band manager breaks it up, and says "What's going on here?"

Bass player says, "He detuned one of my strings, and he won't tell me which one!"
posted by Brachinus at 6:57 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Bass is great

* You don't have to be as in tune as the guitarist
* You don't have to be as in time as the drummer
* Your instrument has the biggest neck, and isn't a keytar
* You can have a huge amp and still plug in direct if you want
* "Night Court"
* "Welcome Back Kotter"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:16 AM on June 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


Flight of the Bumblebee played on a bass.

Good lord. Hence the bass solo joke.

But Stanley Clarke y'all.
posted by Trochanter at 7:19 AM on June 7, 2015


RobotVoodooPower, you forgot Barney Miller.
posted by soundguy99 at 7:21 AM on June 7, 2015 [10 favorites]


I never make fun of bass players. I saw them. A bad bass player can ruin a good set, but a good one can make it an experience worth coming to again and again.
posted by bjgeiger at 7:21 AM on June 7, 2015


Jaco....Victor Wooten....Stanley Clarke

You know who never gets any respect? Steve Swallow.
posted by thelonius at 7:29 AM on June 7, 2015


Also buttressing the bass solo joke, Michael Anthony's were really something. Will you laugh your head off? Will you throw up?
posted by Trochanter at 7:31 AM on June 7, 2015


Seriously (because: see exhaustive collection of bass jokes upthread), here is one thing I've noticed (as a piano player) after playing with many different bassists: The bass player is often the one with the most knowledge of music theory. That may be because she must think very carefully about which note to play, because she only gets to play one note at a time (usually). It doesn't have to be the root note, as the article implies, and as my current bassist seems to believe. As Sting says in the article, if the bassist plays an A under a C chord, it is a game changer. It changes the listener's perception of the chord; it is now an A minor. However, playing an E, the major third, does not change the perceived chord. The E just serves a different purpose, often as a passing note hinting at the F chord to come.

Some types of music do this kind of thing a lot, like Black gospel, or Stevie Wonder's music. Or some of Becks's songs, etc. Such songs are harder to figure out by ear, since many of us listen to the bass to figure out what the chord is.

The article itself was hardly news. It is yet another case of what is obvious to many musicians and listeners being made Official by means of a Scientific Study.

There is one other thing about playing bass in a band, even more true about drummers: since they are in charge of the song's rhythm (and key, mostly), they have to start a tune off correctly right away. That is a responsibility which I, as the pianist, do not have. I can just fake-comp a close-enough chord until I can figure out what the hell is going on!
posted by kozad at 7:32 AM on June 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


Swallow
posted by mule98J at 7:32 AM on June 7, 2015


There is one other thing about playing bass in a band, even more true about drummers: since they are in charge of the song's rhythm (and key, mostly), they have to start a tune off correctly right away. That is a responsibility which I, as the pianist, do not have. I can just fake-comp a close-enough chord until I can figure out what the hell is going on!

We used to get guest people up and it was a nightmare for me.

Disagree about drummers a bit, on this. They can just thud-whack keep time.
posted by Trochanter at 7:38 AM on June 7, 2015


Remembered another Bass Player joke:

A dad buys his son a bass and arranges a lesson. Son leaves for first lesson. Comes back six months later.

Dad: Where've you been, son?

Son: Gigging.
posted by Trochanter at 8:05 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]



If it makes you feel any better, Christian McBride says it is harder to play fretless electric in tune than it is to play upright in tune


It was said with brightest Twinkle in his eye. Dennis & I are like 4 arms of the same body when we play together. And yeah, since the scale is shorter, you've got less room for error as far as hitting the notes.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:18 AM on June 7, 2015


RobotVoodooPower, you forgot Barney Miller.

Back in the old days before I could afford cable, Barney Miller would play in re-runs at 10 pm every weeknight. I would sit with my bass on my lap in anticipation of the opening credits and try to catch a few more notes every time. Best TV theme song bass line of all time.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:26 AM on June 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


And yeah, since the scale is shorter, you've got less room for error as far as hitting the notes.

That, and also the concept of positions isn't as helpful (maybe because the neck is oriented horizontally to the player, not vertically?)
posted by thelonius at 8:30 AM on June 7, 2015


OK, I recall where I saw that: here
posted by thelonius at 8:32 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Victor Wooten shows you how it's done. Check out his Amazing Grace.
posted by BWA at 8:49 AM on June 7, 2015


I just came in here to say Dave Allen.
posted by Legomancer at 9:09 AM on June 7, 2015


Might want to check out Graham Central Station's "Pow".

There was blood on the pick-ups when I was trying to learn that one, I'll tell you. Literally.
posted by Trochanter at 9:35 AM on June 7, 2015


Scientists say we should stop making fun of bass players.

Actually, according to that article, scientists just say that bassists are far more important than most people realize.
I don't see anything in there that suggests we shouldn't make fun of them.
posted by sour cream at 9:38 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Love me some bass (horizontal and upright). That is all.
posted by Samizdata at 9:39 AM on June 7, 2015


There's all sorts of terrific bass players out there but the most powerful basstastic music is definitely Dub Reggae. Go to an old-fashioned Reggae Sound System if you have the chance. Even if you don't like reggae music I'm sure the experience will be worthwhile. The amount of BASS a good soundsystem can provide is just silly. Being totally overwhelmed by it is like a deep sea dive on acid without the dangers.
posted by Kosmob0t at 9:44 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


My high school jazz ensemble's bass player would often space out and then realize 1/3 of the way through a song that hey, everyone else is playing and maybe he should too. And then spend the next third of the song trying to figure out where we were and just sort of winging it more than usual. For that reason, I will forever continue to mock bass players even though I've become one (of sorts) myself.
posted by Foosnark at 10:23 AM on June 7, 2015


The bass player is often the one with the most knowledge of music theory.

This doesn't always work out the way you might hope, though - there was the bass guy I played with in a small jazz combo back in college who could give you half an hour on why him playing just Bb in 7/4 time through an entire tune made perfect sense in theory.

The rest of us just wanted to learn how play the standard damn tunes in The Real Book as written.
posted by soundguy99 at 10:52 AM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


And, I mean, the guy wasn't wrong - he totally did know more than the rest of us about theory and had more playing experience and really had advanced enough to where playing the tunes straight was boring to him. It's just that that wasn't where the rest of us were coming from.
posted by soundguy99 at 11:00 AM on June 7, 2015


Mingus walks into a bar and can't change the lightbulb because he plays a lesser instrument. BOOM!
posted by Cookiebastard at 11:08 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


"The eyes in the room, they all lookin' at the star
The butts are all shakin' to the bass guitar"
posted by straight at 11:46 AM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nobody thunders like Jack Casady. But for context I like the first episode of Howard Goodall's How Music Works series.
posted by cleroy at 12:43 PM on June 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Jonty Bankes is the bass player for the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain.
As part of their act, he points out the different ukulele sizes in the group. He says that when people ask which is the best size, he tells them that when they're all sitting around the campfire singing,
they find that the bass ukulele burns a little bit longer.
posted by MtDewd at 2:17 PM on June 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Everyone has respect for the lead guitarist for a reason: the hand that rocks the chords rules the band.

That's why the rhythm guitarist is respected. The lead guitarist is a wanker.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:23 PM on June 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


Nobody thunders like Jack Casady

Casady, McCartney, and John Wetton were my first bass heroes. A long time ago now! I still love them.
posted by thelonius at 2:34 PM on June 7, 2015


Long Live Mick Karn!
posted by svenvog at 2:43 PM on June 7, 2015


I just sat down to read Metafilter after getting home from buying my very own PA system, complete with 500W sub. Damn straight it's all about the bass.
posted by Mars Saxman at 5:25 PM on June 7, 2015


The bass and drum provide the backbone for many a great tune.
posted by Renoroc at 6:31 PM on June 7, 2015


From the start of a 2012 Rolling Stone article:
This is what it sounds like when Taylor Swift totally loses it: “Oh, my God. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.”
. . .

"Oh, my God," she repeats, pausing for air. She takes another look at the car she hit. "Oh, is that my bass player?"

It totally is. "It's fine, it's my bass player!" She couldn't look more relieved if she had received a death-row pardon.
Somebody needs to send Ms Swift this research.
posted by bibliowench at 9:26 PM on June 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


The premise of this article is a little off to me. I'm a professional bass player, and the only time I've felt unappreciated was because the guy leading the band was kind of a jerk, so everybody felt unappreciated. I wanted to like the article and say "finally somebody gets it", but honestly those are all things the people I play with knew anyways. It's kind of arranging\theory 101 stuff. Although, it's nice to know that science has confirmed it. As far as the audience goes, I'm not a particularly flashy bass player, and still get compliments after shows.

If you're in an ensemble where people feel like one instrument isn't important, that's a good sign it's time to leave, because it means you're in an ensemble that doesn't respect it's members enough not to waste their time. I've been the string bass player in a double woodwind quintet where my part was basically doubling the second bassoon, and I can tell you that if they thought having that bass part wasn't important I wouldn't have been there. Same goes for every time I've been part of a basso continuo. Every time I've played in groups that don't respect all of their members, it's always been no fun, more of a pain than it's worth, and usually there's some barely concealed interpersonal drama going on.

Also, for some reason it really bugs me to see Mingus referred to as a song writer. Mingus wrote maybe 3-4 songs (you know, musical pieces with lyrics and a singer), he was a composer.

That all said, I would sell pretty much any limb or major organ to be able to play like Esperanza Spalding.
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:35 AM on June 8, 2015 [3 favorites]


Mingus wanted to be a classical composer as a matter of fact, when he was young
posted by thelonius at 9:58 AM on June 8, 2015


Aren't Area Bass players fellated? I read that in the paper once.
You'd think that'd be at least some recompense for deriding them.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:59 PM on June 8, 2015


Smedleyman just reminded me of an old Billy Connolly line complaining about his lack of sexual success when playing banjo in a folk band.

"I'll tell you one thing you'll never hear: 'She's shagging the banjo player'."
posted by Paul Slade at 12:19 PM on June 9, 2015


Aren't Area Bass players fellated?

Yes, but never on purpose.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:21 PM on June 9, 2015


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