Mac or PC? Coke or Pepsi? Peanut butter first, or jelly first?
June 10, 2015 8:26 PM   Subscribe

There are two kinds of people. (Those who like minimalist design and those who don't.) There are two types of people in the world. (Those who like Buzzfeed and those who don't.) There are two kinds of people in the world. (Those who like movie supercuts and... well, who doesn't?)
posted by desjardins (153 comments total) 26 users marked this as a favorite
 
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
posted by NoxAeternum at 8:31 PM on June 10, 2015 [27 favorites]


umm... how does that first link know my birthday?
posted by saul wright at 8:38 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


There are two kinds of people: those who divide humanity into two categories and those who don't.
posted by key_of_z at 8:40 PM on June 10, 2015 [14 favorites]


Peanut butter first, or jelly first?

What madness is this? Obviously jelly first. It wipes off the knife cleaner so you only have to dirty one knife and have limited cross-contamination. Peanut butter first and you've got a whole obstinate lipids scenario on your hands.

And while we're on the subject, what kind of sociopath cuts their sandwich horizontally like that?! If you're going to do straight down the middle, you do a vertical cut. Obviously. I swear, that needs to be added to the list with bedwetting and setting fires.
posted by phunniemee at 8:40 PM on June 10, 2015 [23 favorites]


...those who dive into the post first, and those who head straight to the comments.
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 8:41 PM on June 10, 2015 [43 favorites]


"Obstinate lipids scenario" is totally gonna be my next username.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:46 PM on June 10, 2015 [12 favorites]


"Obstinate lipids scenario" is totally gonna be my next username.

Paging Bob Pollard. Bob Pollard to the white courtesy telephone, please.
posted by Xavier Xavier at 8:52 PM on June 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


Came here to post exactly what key_of_z said, and I'm glad someone beat me to it. Question: does the "two kinds of people" proposition qualify as a thought terminating cliche?
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 8:53 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Some observations, if I may:

a) Headphones over ear buds, all the way and forever. I don't trust people who wear ear buds because it means they either don't get wax in their ears, which means they are aliens; or they actually like getting earwax all over their property, which is revolting. Earbuds are uncomfortable to the point that they actually hurt, never fit properly (who are these freaks with perfectly circular earholes?), don't stay in place, are penetrative, and they don't make you look like a doctor (which is why you wear them). Good quality headphones, however, are like a hug for your earmeats, or are like scissoring or something, and they are up-front about their purpose: "I am busy and listening to music and don't disturb me." Ear buds are like...is she on a call? Listening to something? Forgot to remove them? I'll just pop one out and ask her about the thing!

b) Those chips in the fourth Buzzfeed image are dangerously undercooked and I suspect they are actually cold. Gross.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:56 PM on June 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


The earbud versus headphones division is invalid. Something about the shape of the inside of my ears preclude earbuds staying in. As such I am one of the people that thinks that is crap.
posted by Samizdata at 8:56 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in this world: People who can count, people who can't count, and people who get confused and lose track of their count.
posted by Bugbread at 8:56 PM on June 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


turbid dahlia: "Earbuds are uncomfortable to the point that they actually hurt, never fit properly (who are these freaks with perfectly circular earholes?)"

Hello!
posted by Bugbread at 8:57 PM on June 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Peanut butter first, or jelly first?

Peanut butter on one slice of bread, and jam on the second slice. OBVIOUSLY.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:57 PM on June 10, 2015 [12 favorites]


Hello!

*points to headphones, mouths "I'm working"*
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:58 PM on June 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


turbid dahlia: "Hello!

*points to headphones, mouths "I'm working"*
"

I'm not. I'm eating ice cream! Loser!
posted by Samizdata at 9:01 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


(Worker versus non-worker)
posted by Samizdata at 9:01 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


My wifi networks are named Adventurekateers... and Buffalo-G-99FA.

Actually, looking at a lot of these, I guess I'm a Gemini for a reason, because I'm routinely either "both" or "neither".
posted by Sequence at 9:09 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand ternary, those that don't, and those that thought this was going to be a binary joke.
posted by kmz at 9:09 PM on June 10, 2015 [32 favorites]


No, my wifi is not named the default. [points below his post] One guess...
posted by Samizdata at 9:12 PM on June 10, 2015


10:15 PM | 22:15
posted by ODiV at 9:15 PM on June 10, 2015 [9 favorites]


"My kind of people and assholes." I have a new Life Slogan.

I am an earbud wearer. Yes, I do occasionally need to clean wax out of them (or replace the little rubber thingies), and yes, they make my breathing sound irregularly and distractingly loud. But I can't wear the over-the-ear style headphones. Any kind of pressure on my ears (particularly the left one) and they get very red and sore.
posted by stennieville at 9:18 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


"There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand ternary, those that don't, and those that thought this was going to be a binary joke."

There are three kinds of people in the world: those in disjoint sets, barbers who shave those who don't shave themselves, and me.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:18 PM on June 10, 2015 [14 favorites]


ODiV: "10:15 PM | 22:15"

22:15

Peanut butter first, then jelly on the other slice of bread, never ontop of the PB. Then put together and cut into two rectangles.
posted by AugustWest at 9:19 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


6/10/2015

10/6/2015

posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:21 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


Riders who've crashed, and riders who are gonna crash.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:23 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I never expected this.
posted by srboisvert at 9:23 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


You guys, if you mix the pb with the j on the bread then you don't get any spillage. Just mush em all around on the bread together.
posted by phunniemee at 9:24 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Man, if you don't deliberately put a pool of jelly in your PB&J so that, on the first bite, it ejaculates into your mouth in a jellygasm, I'm not sure I even wanna know you.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:30 PM on June 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in the world, those who think round apple style earbuds are good, and those who know that they are some anti-ergonomic form-before-function pieces of shit.

I have weird shaped ear canals, and could not tolerate standard earbuds. Then I tried a pair of etymotics in ear monitors and everything changed. They go deeeep in the ear canal, but it is easy to get a good seal, the sound isolation is amazing and the sound quality is orders of magnitude better than the ones that come with your phone. They are tiny, and don't draw unwanted attention when riding the bus. The downside is that the deep insertion is uncomfortable for some people, and wearing them for too long make my ear canal itch.

The next step up is custom molded IEMs. I love the 1964 pair I have. Getting the molds made was a really interesting experience. Not quite sexual, but very pleasurable. Like peeing after holding it in during a long car trip.

These draw attention and are not easy to insert and remove, but if you get good impressions for the molds the fit is so good you forget you are wearing them. The sound quality is amazing, and the isolation is otherworldy. I feel like a poser wearing them out in public, but they keep me sane in my crowded open plan office. An added advantage is that no one can borrow them.

Before you put me in the ear bud zealot camp, I will confess that at both my desks I keep two pairs of full size over-ear heaphones, one open backed and one closed. In my backpack I keep a pair of closed on-ears for the bus, and a pair of open on-ears for walking when I have to pay attention.

I am embarrassed by the amount of time and money I have spent in heaphones over the last 10 years, but along with bicycles and dining out with loved ones, they are at the top of my joy/money list.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 9:36 PM on June 10, 2015 [7 favorites]


And then there are those who add the milk after pouring the tea, and there are barbarians.
posted by Wordshore at 9:39 PM on June 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


All these systems omit the people who, from a distance, resemble flies.
posted by stebulus at 9:47 PM on June 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


I know some people have issues with earbuds, but when the alternative is having the earpieces of my glasses painfully jammed into the side of my head by the clamshells of over-ear headphones for as long as I want to listen to something, the choice is pretty clear. Even more so with the earbuds that you stick down into your ear canal a little bit, since those don't fall out every 10 minutes and generally provide a superior experience, at least for me.
posted by Copronymus at 9:47 PM on June 10, 2015 [5 favorites]


Scones: Jam first, then cream? Or cream first, then jam?

Warning - selecting one of these answers will reveal you to be a dangerous idiot. You know in your heart which one that is.
posted by misfish at 9:48 PM on June 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


The problem with headphones is that no matter how big and cushy they are, after about 2 hours I want to die because the pressure on my ears is unbearable.

The Apple earbuds are even worse, after 20 minutes I feel like someone is flicking the insides of my ears and it's extremely painful.

Then I found the amazingly expensive Bose noise-canceling earbuds. I balked at the price at first, but they are the only earbuds I've found that:

1. Are very comfortable
2. Block out plane noise so effectively that I don't even realize I'm on a 14 hour fight

So me: team earbud for life...but apparently you get exactly what you pay for
posted by Doleful Creature at 9:50 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


Scones: pronounced sk-owns, or s-cons. Pick your side and stay there...
posted by Wordshore at 9:51 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


1) ___🍕___

2) |__🍕___|
posted by Room 641-A at 9:53 PM on June 10, 2015


Sailors who've run aground and liars.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:56 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


6/10/2015

10/6/2015


Sadly neither is ISO standard.

2015-06-10T13:26:17+00:00

Seriously, YYYY-MM-DD rulez.
posted by GuyZero at 9:59 PM on June 10, 2015 [10 favorites]


10 VI 2015, just to piss everyone off equally.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:03 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]




There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
posted by komara at 10:04 PM on June 10, 2015 [23 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in the world and we ain't one of them.
posted by islander at 10:14 PM on June 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


And then there are those who add the milk after pouring the tea, and there y are barbarians.

FTFY :P
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:34 PM on June 10, 2015


I prefer speakers over earbuds or headphones. However, I'll use either if my pref is unavailable.
posted by evilDoug at 10:35 PM on June 10, 2015


There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say, "There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say there are two kinds of people in the world, and the other kind," and there's who don't say. Well, then there's me.

--Bob Dobbs
posted by sourwookie at 10:35 PM on June 10, 2015 [6 favorites]


There is only one kind of people those who have humanity and those who doesn't have humanity they have no right to be called as people....
posted by shilimukh at 11:24 PM on June 10, 2015


The proper sandwich cut is 22.5° from the vertical.
posted by rifflesby at 11:25 PM on June 10, 2015


There are those who like to sit alone on a beach, and there are those who like to sit next to them.
posted by Mister Bijou at 11:39 PM on June 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


A. My love and me
B. Other.


(the great thing about these kinds of threads/lists is going from "oh my god who even has time to care" to "WHAT KIND OF MONSTER BITES INTO THE CHOCOLATE" in nothing flat.

also cherry starbursts are the best ones, sorry.)
posted by kagredon at 11:52 PM on June 10, 2015 [4 favorites]


Considering the universe as a whole, statistically there are no types of people in any given world.
posted by infinitewindow at 11:57 PM on June 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


Hey I like Mac and PC. It's just I don't spend crazy money on machines I can't run business software or games on.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 11:59 PM on June 10, 2015


> umm... how does that first link know my birthday?

They probably picked it at random. January 1, 1900 is the most commonly-picked random birthday.
posted by Phssthpok at 2:07 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


And then there are those who add the milk after pouring the tea, and there y are barbarians.

What if you just drink it plain with no milk or sugar?
posted by octothorpe at 3:13 AM on June 11, 2015


There are two kinds of people in the world. We've replaced one with Folger's Crystals. Let's see if he can tell the difference.
posted by solarion at 3:32 AM on June 11, 2015 [17 favorites]


I cut sandwiches horizontally and I am proud of it.
posted by jeather at 3:39 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I always seem to be the only one that prefers the loopy headphones that wrap around the ear, mostly for runners but I just like them because ear buds always fall out and over the ear head phones eventually presses my upper ear into my glasses frame just a bit too hard.
posted by numaner at 3:46 AM on June 11, 2015


Who the hell needs to cut a sandwich?
posted by Literaryhero at 3:46 AM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


There are two types of people. Those who demand closure and
posted by Aznable at 3:50 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Headphones make my ears ring within minutes even at the lowest setting but ear buds never do that.
posted by octothorpe at 3:52 AM on June 11, 2015


My sister always said, there are two kinds of people in the world: those who pee in the shower, and those who lie and say they don't.

She also had the perfect big-sister rejoinder to anyone who said, Well, I don't pee in the shower: "I guess we know which of the two you are, then."
posted by duffell at 4:00 AM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


My job required me to wear headphones all day, for years, in an office consistently kept at too high a temperature. Sweaty ears are the reason I will forever go earbud or speaker only. The worst.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love hot environments and those who would cheerfully kill them to turn down the thermostat.
posted by kinnakeet at 4:04 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Apple earbuds fall out of my ears instantly, so I just give them away every time I get a new phone. They look convenient and people seem to like them, but for whatever ergonomic reason they absolutely don't work for me.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:21 AM on June 11, 2015


I'm ear buds at work. I have some really good ones that sound awesome.

With ear buds and the position my desk is in, I only have to remove one when my really annoying Boss walks in. He usually just jabbers about something inconsequential or something I've already done or a monologues about the new inventory system I'm putting in and how great it's going to be and how it's going to do this and do that and make everything easier, a monologue I've heard dozens of times.

So I remove one, because it's polite and he is my boss and I need to at least look like I'm super paying attention and he can't see the other side of my head. In reality I continue to hear the sweet sounds of music or even better a podcast and it makes it all better.
posted by Jalliah at 4:42 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Headphones over ear buds, all the way and forever.

Some earbuds are comfortable, some are not. I haven't tried Apple's and am not likely to, but Sennheiser CX 200 and CX 300 are both good, and I've fallen in love with the QCY QY7 Bluetooth earbuds. It's glorious not having a cable tethering me to my computer at work, or to the phone in my pocket when I'm doing chores.

For my computer at home I use big over-the-ear headphones, for music production and gaming. But they can actually be more uncomfortable due to glasses and warmth.
posted by Foosnark at 4:45 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, and there are N+1 kinds of people in the world.
posted by Foosnark at 4:45 AM on June 11, 2015


argh it's not Rees-EES what the hell is wrong with you
posted by Foosnark at 4:49 AM on June 11, 2015 [8 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in this world. Me.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:54 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


There are 10 kinds of people. Those who know binary, and 9 others that don't give a shit.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:06 AM on June 11, 2015




There are 10 kinds of people in the world…

Those who understand base ∞, those who thought this was a base 2 joke, those who thought this was a base 3 joke, those who thought it was a base 4 joke,...
posted by spindrifter at 5:13 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Reese's" rhymes with "pieces." "Ree-sees" rhymes with "feces."

Now go, and mispronounce no more.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:26 AM on June 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


Whatever happened to Beatles v. Stones?
posted by JanetLand at 5:29 AM on June 11, 2015


"Reese's" rhymes with "pieces." "Ree-sees" rhymes with "feces."

Oh, by the gods, THIS!

I don't know when it happened, but it seems like every yokel around me by now pronounces it Ree-Sees. It's like squeaky styrofoam to my ears. I literally want to grab them by the collar and shake the living daylights out of them. I even hear many of them pronouncing the product "Ree-sees pee-sees". And then there are the ones who say "Ree-see cup" without the S on Reese's.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:45 AM on June 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


I can't believe the most epic of Metafilter threads hasn't been linked yet. There are two kinds of people in the world - those that wipe while sitting, and those who wipe while standing.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 5:57 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's infuriating as a movie cliche because it's so often such an obvious shortcut, a big red flag that says "This is the central conflict of the movie, since it's not obvious enough from the rest of this crappy script."

(Does not apply when it's Bill Murray dividing the world into Neil Diamond lovers and haters. )
posted by HeroZero at 6:03 AM on June 11, 2015


Whatever happened to Beatles v. Stones?

Oh hai there, fellow old person.
posted by aught at 6:04 AM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Also, Room 641-A -- I can't figure out your diagram. People who eat pizza on a plate vs. those who eat it out of the box?
posted by HeroZero at 6:05 AM on June 11, 2015


Mac or PC? Coke or Pepsi? Peanut butter first, or jelly first?

Democrat or Republican?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:11 AM on June 11, 2015


You know it's funny, but one of my coworkers asked me last night about what kinds of things I've missed out on or wouldn't do because of my life long mildly deadly peanut allergy, as her two year old son is also allergic to peanuts. And while you would think this would mean I get left out of the popular American pastime of debating over the correct method of peanut butter and jelly sandwich construction, I don't and have my own very strong opinions on this subject which I shall now share. Use two knives you lazy godless heathens and do your own dishes afterwords or my hands are going to be itching something fierce when I smite you.
posted by Meeks Ormand at 6:20 AM on June 11, 2015 [11 favorites]


Also, Room 641-A -- I can't figure out your diagram. People who eat pizza on a plate vs. those who eat it out of the box?

It's supposed to be NY style vs deep dish! But plate vs box is good, and that led me to NY style with and without a fork and knife.
posted by Room 641-A at 6:34 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yeah, as someone with a kid who has a peanut allergy I haven't had a PB&J sandwich in about 12 years. This thread is making me sad. FWIW, you apply a nice layer of peanut butter on each slice of bread and then apply jelly to one slice. That way the jelly doesn't soak through the bread. And then you cut it diagonally so that you have the corners to easily bite off.

Whatever happened to Beatles v. Stones?

All the non-terrible people in the world agreed on The Beatles.
posted by bondcliff at 6:36 AM on June 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


My wifi networks are named after X-Men's civilian (not code-) names.
My computers and phones after Culture ships.
Is there any other way to do it?
posted by signal at 6:42 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Therre are those who take good backups, after an episode of catastrophic data loss, and those who will take good backups, after an episode of catastrophic data loss.
posted by pompomtom at 6:44 AM on June 11, 2015


Two types of people in this world: Those who think that tumblr is a joke, those who take it seriously, and those who aren't sure if it's a joke or to be taken seriously.
posted by ChuckRamone at 6:49 AM on June 11, 2015


The oil in peanut butter keeps the jelly from seeping into the bread which makes the PB&J a soggy, sticky, mess of a sandwich. Why would anyone put the jelly on first?
posted by sopwath at 6:50 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


argh it's not Rees-EES what the hell is wrong with you

true story, this is why I'm divorced
posted by desjardins at 6:53 AM on June 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


true story, this is why I'm divorced

where would the second long e sound come from? that doesn't make sense. if it's the regular, non-possessive form, it's just "rEEse". so possessive is "rEE-sus".
posted by ChuckRamone at 6:57 AM on June 11, 2015


Hell if I know. I never said anything about it in the ten years we were together so I should win a medal.
posted by desjardins at 6:59 AM on June 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in this world: those that are pro-skub and those that are anti-skub.
posted by sopwath at 7:09 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


a) Headphones over ear buds, all the way and forever. I don't trust people who wear ear buds because it means they either don't get wax in their ears, which means they are aliens; or they actually like getting earwax all over their property, which is revolting. Earbuds are uncomfortable to the point that they actually hurt, never fit properly (who are these freaks with perfectly circular earholes?), don't stay in place, are penetrative, and they don't make you look like a doctor (which is why you wear them).

That's why I use Urbanears. They are fantastic.
posted by Windigo at 7:13 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


but Sennheiser CX 200 and CX 300 are both good

Yes indeed. I've been using CX215s almost daily for close to a year and they are possibly the best I've ever had. In ear design, so cuts down external noise (great for commuting on packed trains) and you can listen to things at a reasonable volume without having to turn the volume up to permanent hearing loss levels. They sound great as well, I've got no idea how they get so much relatively clear clean bass out of such tiny speakers.

Oh, and they only cot me about $AU38, so I can smugly scoff at all the people on the train with their several hundred dollars of Beats awfulness, or even worse default iPhone ear buds.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 7:17 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


There are 17 kinds of people in the world, those will tell you their Myers-Briggs type and those who won't.
posted by eschatfische at 7:17 AM on June 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


Headphones over ear buds, all the way and forever. I don't trust people who wear ear buds because it means they either don't get wax in their ears, which means they are aliens; or they actually like getting earwax all over their property, which is revolting. Earbuds are uncomfortable to the point that they actually hurt, never fit properly (who are these freaks with perfectly circular earholes?), don't stay in place, are penetrative, and they don't make you look like a doctor (which is why you wear them).


The reason one has earbuds is because one goes from the elliptical to weights at the gym, and earbuds can be wound up and put in the pocket of one's tee shirt along with one's mp3 player after the elliptical. One has no desire to deal with headphones while performing barbell squats, and one is not motivated to go all the way down to the locker room and stick one's headphones in one's locker and then go back upstairs to do barbell.

I mean, I see some kids doing weights with their headphones around their necks, but I worry about getting them [the headphones, not the kids - the kids can look out for themselves] caught on things and I think they'd feel weird around my neck during the overhead press.

Earbuds shouldn't hurt - they just sort of rest in your ear, you're not jamming them into the ear canal (where, incidentally, the earwax resides). Or maybe I just have weird ears.
posted by Frowner at 7:26 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in the world--people who foresaw this becoming a headphone thread and people who are, like, 'whaa?'

I totally have, and regularly use, Bluetooth earbuds, regular earbuds, on-ear headphones and over-ear headphones. I like things to sound good, and I have varying levels of activity and need-for-isolation and whatnot.
posted by box at 7:55 AM on June 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


There are two kinds of people in the world - people who think about Venn diagrams and people who don't?

There are two kinds of people in the world, splitters and lumpers. All the rest are lizard aliens in human disguise, especially the ones who sometimes split and sometimes lump.
posted by Frowner at 8:13 AM on June 11, 2015


apple-style earbuds are awful torturous devices of horror and i throw them out with great satisfaction. i much prefer the ones that come with adjustable-sized earnipples.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:39 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


ANTI SKUB
posted by komara at 8:45 AM on June 11, 2015


I am completely willing to believe that other people find the Apple earbuds painful, but how? What are you doing with them? They just sort of...sit there on the top/exterior of the ear canal. (And now I realize that I've forgotten mine and will either have to elliptical today in a haze of angry boredom or just do weights. I think I'll just do weights. Elliptical is the worst.)
posted by Frowner at 8:45 AM on June 11, 2015


There are two kinds of people in the world: those hardy and enlightened souls who with an optimism borne of years of good upbringing by caring parents who always put their child's needs above their own even in those moments when the selfishness inherent in us all would have them abandon that child at a dusty bus stop with a bindle and with a natural inclination to always assume the best of people will persevere with a possibly futile task such as continuing to read a novel or other work of literature that so far they have not enjoyed at all because they rely on the goodness of human nature to have infected the author with a charitable desire to provide a payoff or reward of some kind for that reader who so believes in the value of hard work and those who don't.
posted by sylvanshine at 8:46 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


I am completely willing to believe that other people find the Apple earbuds painful, but how?

idk if I have weird shaped ears or too-little ears or what, but they only stay in my ears if I am 100% motionless including not breathing very hard, or if I just jam them in like really uncomfortably.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:54 AM on June 11, 2015


box: "There are two kinds of people in the world--people who foresaw this becoming a headphone thread and people who are, like, 'whaa?'
"

I thought for *sure* it would be vi versus emacs.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:57 AM on June 11, 2015 [6 favorites]


~I am completely willing to believe that other people find the Apple earbuds painful, but how?

~idk if I have weird shaped ears or too-little ears or what, but they only stay in my ears if I am 100% motionless including not breathing very hard, or if I just jam them in like really uncomfortably.


Same here. Apple earbuds (and, really, any sort of in-ear device) won't simply sit in my ears, unless pushed somewhat into the canal. The thin foam covers that came with the old Apple earbuds helped them stay put. Other brands of earbuds, with the rubbery tips, also work best if I force them into the canal a bit. Otherwise, they are constantly falling off my ear.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:58 AM on June 11, 2015


My Wi-Fi network is named Access Failure, which isn't terribly clever, but to change it I'd have to update two computers, two tablets, three phones, a printer, two Rokus and and an Apple TV, and probably two more things I'm forgetting. I just don't have that kind of energy. It's going to be Access Failure until my own heart failure.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:00 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


My ears are that same model that permit earbuds to fall out without warning. I modified my Apple EarPods with Sugru to give them a non-slick non-plastic surface and that helped for a while. Unfortunately even though I cleaned the earbuds beforehand I did not clean them meticulously with soap and rubbing alcohol before attaching the Sugru so whatever oil was remaining on the earbuds kept there from being a perfect bond, and one or two of the strips of Sugru have disappeared off to greener pastures. Still work better than default though.
posted by komara at 9:04 AM on June 11, 2015


It is just Me against The World, baby.
posted by briank at 9:05 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


That clip from Pink Flamingoes works for every situation.

There are two types of people in this world: those who ______, and assholes.
posted by cazoo at 9:12 AM on June 11, 2015


I am completely willing to believe that other people find the Apple earbuds painful, but how?

I found the old, round Apple earbuds to be impossibly painful, and my ears would feel bruised for a full day after trying to use them. But I recently discovered that the updated earbuds sold with the iphone have been newly contoured, and those fit like a marvel. The cord is also less tangly.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 9:13 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


They just sort of...sit there on the top/exterior of the ear canal.

Haha, funny joke! I get what you're saying, but earbuds simply do not sit on my ear canal. I wish we had like a 3D rendering of ear shapes so we could see exactly what the problem is, but I assure you, my ears instantly expel any object that is not wedged in there with great force and determination. You might as well ask me to place an earbud on my upper lip or on the edge of my bellybutton and expect it to stay.
posted by gueneverey at 10:01 AM on June 11, 2015


Peanut butter on one slice of bread, then a thin layer of peanut butter on the other slice before adding the jelly. This keeps the bread from soaking up all the jelly.
posted by dances with hamsters at 10:03 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


on the edge of my bellybutton

There are two types of people in the world...
posted by dances with hamsters at 10:05 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]



Haha, funny joke! I get what you're saying, but earbuds simply do not sit on my ear canal.


This is so interesting. Every once in a while the earbuds will fall out if I am...ahem...exercising so vigorously that my very ears are full of sweat, but in general they stay put very well as long as I'm doing an activity at a steady pace with my head relatively level. I had hitherto viewed this occasional falling-out as a failure of either the design or my ears, but now I see that I must have virtually the perfect ears for earbuds and I begin to surmise that this is rare. Wow, all along I was complaining [to myself, in my head, once every couple of weeks] when I really had it so good, I guess. I need one of those gratitude lists, maybe.

Anyway, sorry about the earbud situation, everyone else in the world!
posted by Frowner at 10:16 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


adjustable-sized earnipples

I will never look at my ear buds the same way. Excuse me while I gently caress my earnipples.
posted by selenized at 10:41 AM on June 11, 2015


There are two kinds of people in the world, splitters and lumpers.

I guess the other type of person just ignored this and moved on, but I'll admit I was confused enough to look it up and wow, that's super interesting. Although this
"observers of the philosophical scene" can be broadly, if over-simplistically, divided into splitters and lumpers, roughly corresponding to materialists, who imagine the world as divided into atoms, and Platonists, who regard the world as made up of ideas
...I don't even know what to say. "Made up of ideas"?

Also, earbuds FTW.
posted by psoas at 10:50 AM on June 11, 2015


Has anyone said this yet:
Don't matter which you put on the bread first, you have to rinse the knife off before you apply the other spreadable anyway.

You know, rinse, like run it under some water and wipe off anything sticking to the knife. No soap needed, just get any sticky stuff off. Very little, if any, contamination of the two substances. Works great for peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwiches too (or even better, cashew butter, honey, and banana. yum.)
posted by daq at 10:53 AM on June 11, 2015


Peanut butter gets spread with a knife, as it is sticky. Jelly gets the spoon, as it ain't so sticky.
posted by komara at 11:05 AM on June 11, 2015


Also re: knife + spoon for PB&J: jelly is basically sugar, which is why you gotta keep it in the fridge so it doesn't start growing weird shit. Peanut butter is pretty stable, so it gets to live in the pantry. Why would you want to stick a knife (or spoon, whatever) coated with mold growth medium into something you're going to put back into a warm dark space? You nasty.
posted by komara at 11:07 AM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


I conclude with the following words of advice from Dexter Holland, head sage of the wizards known as The Offspring: "You gotta keep 'em separated."
posted by komara at 11:09 AM on June 11, 2015


the ideal scenario is a plain pb sandwich cut into soldiers and dunked into jelly.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:34 AM on June 11, 2015


Spread the peanut butter on one slice, clean off the knife by wiping the residual PB off with the other slice. Then apply the jelly to the first slice with the same knife and again wipe off on the second slice. That way you don't get PB in the jelly jar and you don't waste any precious PB and/or J.
posted by octothorpe at 11:52 AM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


...I don't even know what to say. "Made up of ideas"?

...made up of ideas, most of them bad. I think that's the premise of metafilter.
posted by Frowner at 11:55 AM on June 11, 2015


ALSO, and very importantly, the pb&j that comes all together in a jar is gross and weird.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:04 PM on June 11, 2015 [5 favorites]


What I don't understand is why the concern about the jelly soaking through the bread. How long after you make a pb&j are you eating it? Any length of time longer than a few minutes is beyond my will power.
posted by AugustWest at 12:06 PM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


it's a lunchbox concern.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:07 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sarah Schulman talked about testing her college students' critical thinking skills by asking them "which is the best drink in the world, Coke or Pepsi?"
posted by larrybob at 12:07 PM on June 11, 2015


There are two types of people in the world: people who wear earbuds because they are too lazy to go out and buy actual headphones, and actually I don't know what the other type is
posted by likeatoaster at 12:45 PM on June 11, 2015


PB first, because it sticks to the bread. Jelly is slippery.

Also because it's "peanut butter and jelly," not "jelly and peanut butter."
posted by Foosnark at 12:54 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


But what kind of peanut butter? Crunchy or smooth?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:57 PM on June 11, 2015


Just FYI to any peanut allergy sufferers who weren't already aware. Sun butter is the PB substitute you've been waiting for.
posted by that's candlepin at 1:01 PM on June 11, 2015


poffin boffin: "it's a lunchbox concern."

If your kid is anything like me and my kids, that sammie is eaten on the bus about one stop after pickup.

Smooth. I respect those who are willing to eat crunchy or any food that is going along smoothly and then suddenly a crunch, but not me. Consistency in texture is part of my eating freak.
posted by AugustWest at 4:57 PM on June 11, 2015


Whatever happened to Beatles v. Stones?

All the non-terrible people in the world agreed on The Beatles.


Carrie Brownstein taught me that the answer is The Kinks.
posted by Ragged Richard at 4:57 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sun butter is the PB substitute you've been waiting for.

That, or Wow Butter. I was at a food convention recently, walked past the booth, guy invited me to try it. (Protip: wear a chef coat at food conventions. You get ALL THE THINGS.) I said I was allergic to nuts, he told me it was soy... one dab and I was hooked. I love peanut butter, can't eat it anymore, and this stuff scratches that itch. It's not perfect--maybe 8/10. Still, it works.

Also, smooth only. Crunchy peanut butter is for damaged people.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:16 PM on June 11, 2015


I haven't eaten crunchy peanut butter since I was 7 and while eating a PBJ, bit down on something I thought was peanut but did not yield. It was actually a loose tooth that had finally fallen out completely while chewing. The association sort of put me off the stuff for good.

On the J part: strawberry or grape? (Team strawberry here)
posted by kagredon at 5:53 PM on June 11, 2015


blood orange marmalade sry
posted by poffin boffin at 6:01 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


All jams and jellies are candidates for a PB&J. It is known.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:02 PM on June 11, 2015


Fuck Myers Briggs. Maybe everyone is their pb&j config.

I'm holding a diagonal / toasted / whole wheat / crunchy / strawberry / jam (DTWwCSJa) meet up.
posted by condour75 at 6:23 PM on June 11, 2015 [4 favorites]


Uncut/untoasted/whole wheat/crunchy/grape/jelly. That sounds like it should go in the craigslist casual encounters section.
posted by desjardins at 6:59 PM on June 11, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yes, but on a napkin or plate?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:17 PM on June 11, 2015


Strawberry, strawberry-rhubarb, blackberry, blackcurrant, huckleberry, lemon curd... anything but grape.

(Lemon curd is really great with peanut butter y'all. It reminds me of Thai food somehow.)
posted by Foosnark at 8:27 PM on June 11, 2015


feckless fecal fear mongering: "All jams and jellies are candidates for a PB&J. It is known."

I held off saying it, but wrf...I eat peanut butter and mustard sandwiches. There, it is now an open secret. Try it. Seriously. I prefer Dijon, but spicy brown works too.
posted by AugustWest at 8:34 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


"I eat peanut butter and mustard sandwiches."

Someone will be by shortly to pick you up and take you to a safe place where we can help you.
posted by komara at 8:45 PM on June 11, 2015 [3 favorites]


Ugh, PB&J. Haven't eaten that since 5th grade.

Grilled cheese for me, thanks. Diagonal cut.

And I'm the apps-in-folders type.

I wear earbuds, but buy the type that have multiple size buds, and wear the tiniest ones (I have tiny ears).

I like clever WiFi network names. Mine is of a Kraftwerk tune.
posted by droplet at 9:06 PM on June 11, 2015


Jam or preserves, not jelly. Any berry.

Alternately, no jam, but instead crushed red pepper flakes.
posted by rifflesby at 10:55 PM on June 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Standard shift YES! Not many of us left in the US. I recently had a 20-something who was helping unload my car ask me, "what's with the extra brake pedal?"
posted by kinnakeet at 6:26 AM on June 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


I drove stick shift until converting to Prius 6 months ago. I still miss it somedays, but the novelty of driving around in stealth mode has its charms too. (What I really wanted was a Tesla :P)
posted by Foosnark at 6:46 AM on June 12, 2015


.... people who laugh at the Santa Claus story in 'Gremlins' and people who don't (the plastic bag video in 'American Beauty' is another example).
posted by h00py at 7:16 AM on June 12, 2015


Shoes on or off inside the house.

Shower Order of Operations: hair first or body first.

Cuddle-sleeper or not.

Post-sex cuddling or dive for the towel.

Steak cooked properly or medium-to-well.

Cilantro.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:30 AM on June 12, 2015


uncut / untoasted / honey whole wheat / smooth / blackberry / preserves / wrapped in a paper towel
posted by decathecting at 12:51 PM on June 12, 2015


Are we trying to start MetaFilter's equivalent of the Geek Code block or something?
posted by komara at 2:48 PM on June 12, 2015


When I could still eat them, my peanut butter sandwiches were thus:

Whole wheat bread, toasted
Sliced on the diagonal because I am not a heathen
Smooth peanut butter because I am not a heathen
Dipped in a glass of ice cold orange juice

Yeah, weird. Also delicious.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:22 PM on June 12, 2015


Standard shift YES! Not many of us left in the US. I recently had a 20-something who was helping unload my car ask me, "what's with the extra brake pedal?"

I jokingly refer to my stick shift as a cheap anti-theft device because almost no one younger than me can drive stick anymore.
posted by Dip Flash at 9:53 PM on June 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


In-ear, earbud, earbud with clip, on-ear, over-the-ear. So, people who think there are only two kinds of headphones, and those who know otherwise?

Earbuds fall out of my ears, on-ear phones are uncomfortable, and I developed an intolerance for in-ear phones. So, over-the ear it is!
posted by fedward at 4:18 PM on June 14, 2015


People who are huggers vs. people who are decidedly not
posted by desjardins at 6:33 PM on June 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Scrolled through the whole thread and no one said Ginger or Mary Ann. I am old.
posted by JanetLand at 12:11 PM on June 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


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