Make Way for Brosé
June 17, 2015 8:49 AM   Subscribe

Why More Men Are Drinking Pink "You go to a table where people are sitting outside and they're like, 'I'll take a magnum of Bedell,' and maybe it's seven dudes and you're a little surprised. You thought you were going to be talking to them about scotch, but they want some Provence rosé, and that's totally cool."
posted by Shmuel510 (260 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
Rosé is something you drink before running out into the abrivado to wrestle a charging bull to the pavement with a dozen of your equally-drunk buddies.
posted by gimonca at 8:52 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Make way: More marketers are writing trend pieces
posted by destro at 8:52 AM on June 17, 2015 [105 favorites]


[Barfs]
posted by ryanshepard at 8:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Brosé? Go to hell.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [135 favorites]


"Brosé" is stupid as hell.
Drink what you like, try different things. I won't judge people for trying new beverages, but I will judge them for giving them stupid names.
posted by demiurge at 8:57 AM on June 17, 2015 [18 favorites]


I passed (and was briefly confused by) a sign advertising a "Broga" class at the local YCMA this morning, so I think I'm going to spend the rest of the day being ashamed for my gender.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:58 AM on June 17, 2015 [49 favorites]


DUDE STICK
posted by almostmanda at 8:59 AM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Friends don't let friends drink white zinfandel.
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:59 AM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Don't Bro at me, yo.

Rosè is for picnics where people will wander off to have sex against a tree with their half cousin from Switzerland . Sometimes there are peacocks.
posted by The Whelk at 9:01 AM on June 17, 2015 [135 favorites]


Can we talk about the pathetic Ray Liotta tequila ads while we're here? Fuck off Ray. I'll drink what I like and maybe I won't end up looking like a bear-mauled suitcase.
posted by selfnoise at 9:01 AM on June 17, 2015 [30 favorites]


New rule: if you're going to portmanteau man- or bro- into something to preserve the fragilest of masculinities, you also have to put a big ole' dick on it. Manpurse? Embroidered dick. Manbun? Scrunchie with a dick on it. Brosé? Dick on the label.
posted by griphus at 9:01 AM on June 17, 2015 [78 favorites]


Friends let friends drink whatever they hell they want.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 9:02 AM on June 17, 2015 [12 favorites]


DUDE STICK

Risky click.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:04 AM on June 17, 2015 [20 favorites]


Rose wine is Jeremy Clarkson's drink of choice.
posted by colie at 9:05 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Bros should not be allowed to have literally everything, you wanna drink pink sparkly sweet fizzy water? You deal with the slight cultural danger to your preciusly delicate masculinity soufflé and maybe have A Thought about it or anything else for once in your MBA riddled excuse of a life.
posted by The Whelk at 9:06 AM on June 17, 2015 [53 favorites]


Rose wine is Jeremy Clarkson's drink of choice.

As a reminder, Jeremy Clarkson once punched Piers Morgan in the face, so he may be on to something.
posted by selfnoise at 9:06 AM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


Real men drink whatever broverage they want! Brocause they're dudefinitely spermcure in their mansculinity! How dare anyone himply otherguyse?
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:06 AM on June 17, 2015 [123 favorites]




DUDE STICK

Risky click.


Worth if only for the "Great for EDC" line which is indistinguishable from pitch perfect parody.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [13 favorites]


Connor has been so bropressed since his dudevorce with Kevin. He's been chugging brosé day and night, his manbun askew, his skin unbrosturized. I'm worried he's gonna get guy-fired from his brob!
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [74 favorites]


Jeremy Clarkson once punched Piers Morgan in the face

Well he was also apparently loaded on two lunchtime bottles of Rose when he threw the punch at a BBC producer that led to his sacking...
posted by colie at 9:08 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Real men drink whatever broverage they want! Brocause they're dudefinitely spermcure in their mansculinity! How dare anyone himply otherguyse?

oh god am i having a stroke
posted by griphus at 9:08 AM on June 17, 2015 [42 favorites]


Jeremy Clarkson once punched Piers Morgan in the face

Well he was also apparently loaded on two lunchtime bottles of Rose when he threw the punch at a BBC producer that led to his sacking...


Hmm you have a point there. So we need to figure out what he drank before he punched Piers Morgan. England is covered in cameras, right?
posted by selfnoise at 9:09 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


27 Gendered Products that prove masculinity is incredible fragile. (Buzzfeed)

To be fair on Yogi Tea, that 'man tea' is some kinda ayurvedic medicine tea for men. They also have a bunch of ones for women that are specific to your 'moon cycle' or whatever. I don't think it's on the same level as Dude Stick.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:09 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


27 Gendered Products that prove masculinity is incredible fragile. (Buzzfeed)

That's all nonsense, but that catalog of clothes on dogs is genius. I would buy all those doggies. They are all good doggies, especially the one in the hat, but really all of them.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 9:10 AM on June 17, 2015 [10 favorites]


Real men drink whatever broverage they want! Brocause they're dudefinitely spermcure in their mansculinity! How dare anyone himply otherguyse?

We need to get Little Britain-era Tom Baker to narrate this.
posted by selfnoise at 9:10 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]




Dude stick is mostly infuriating because the pre-existing major brand is already CHAP STICK. CHAP. As in FELLOW, DUDE, BRO.

IT WAS ALREADY DUDE STICK YOU ASSHOLES.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:12 AM on June 17, 2015 [144 favorites]


Bandol rosé is good. Not a fan of the rest.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:12 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


We need to get Little Britain-era Tom Baker to narrate this.

I am imagining it being intoned dramatically by Professor Snape.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:13 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


that catalog of clothes on dogs is genius.

Yeah, I've seen those pics before somewhere (tumblr maybe?) but never had the impression it was intended as "men don't want to look at clothes on other men," only that it was a really clever photography idea.
posted by dnash at 9:13 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]




Dude stick is mostly infuriating because the pre-existing major brand is already CHAP STICK. CHAP. As in FELLOW, DUDE, BRO.

Yeah, but it's awfully close to "chaps," as in assless chaps, and thus, super gay.
posted by dnash at 9:14 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Trying to adjust gender/class preconceptions of beverages can be a tricky path to tread.
posted by Devonian at 9:16 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


To be fair on Yogi Tea, that 'man tea' is some kinda ayurvedic medicine tea for men.

When we lived near the Russian pharmacy, my wife once asked the woman at the counter what that box with Rasputin on it was and the reply was a stern "it is for men" and a knowing look.
posted by griphus at 9:16 AM on June 17, 2015 [19 favorites]


"Brose." "Broga." Ooh, ooh, I can play too!

"Brogurt" is almost certainly taken by now. How about "Cooking with Cilant-bro?" No, no, too forced. "The memorial at Ground Zer-bro?" Yikes.

Great. Now I'm going to be doing this all day.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 9:17 AM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


I enjoy rosé in the summertime. Folks who eschew it because it's pink are foolish.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 9:17 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Dude stick is mostly infuriating because the pre-existing major brand is already CHAP STICK. CHAP. As in FELLOW, DUDE, BRO.

IT WAS ALREADY DUDE STICK YOU ASSHOLES.


Eh, "chaps" aren't manly, we all know that. Jolly good show? No one says that when watching MMA and chugging a magnum of brosé. A fooking magnum, how macho is that? Super macho, that's how. Macho Man Randy Savage level of macho.

Oh shit, bro - gotta call the CGI Ghost of Randy Savage's agent and get him on this, STAT.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:17 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


my review of POWERFUL YOGURT was having a screaming hilarity fit in front of a parked POWERFUL YOGURT truck on 7th avenue, which included screaming MAN YOGURT FOR PENISES and roaring like a lion.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:18 AM on June 17, 2015 [34 favorites]


To be honest, I had thought "Dude Stick" was an intentional play on "Chap Stick."
posted by Shmuel510 at 9:18 AM on June 17, 2015


Mandle, the candle for men.
posted by griphus at 9:18 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Rose wine is Jeremy Clarkson's drink of choice.

You know who else drank rosé wine? That's right: Saddam Hussein. (Also Sir Cliff Richards and Jimi Hendrix.)
posted by chavenet at 9:18 AM on June 17, 2015


This statement right here, "It's kind of like the beer of wine," makes no sense. Even in context.
posted by Gygesringtone at 9:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


the woman at the counter what that box with Rasputin on it

why isn't this a link to boney m, you are on notice.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


I have to admit that the bar soap with a grip from dnash's link is kinda cool.
posted by jonmc at 9:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


"Oooh, Snap in to a Dude Stick!" This shit writes itself. *Wipes pink bubbles from mouth*
posted by filthy light thief at 9:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


And don't forget brosecco!
posted by chavenet at 9:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [22 favorites]


the bar soap with a grip

a TACTICAL grip, because it is your greatest tool in the war against swamp ass.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:21 AM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


I will go on record as saying I loved those Dr. Pepper 10 Is Not For Women commercials for being an intentional parody of this concept.
posted by almostmanda at 9:22 AM on June 17, 2015


Can we talk about the pathetic Ray Liotta tequila ads while we're here?

Sure, if I can throw the pathetic Kiefer Sutherland Jose Cuervo ads in there while we're at it.
posted by blucevalo at 9:24 AM on June 17, 2015


Gendered liquids (ffs) is why we can't have nice things
posted by billiebee at 9:25 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]




I passed (and was briefly confused by) a sign advertising a "Broga" class at the local YCMA this morning,

If the class was affiliated with these guys, I admit the name is a little eye-rolly, but their concept is a mix of traditional yoga with some extra cardio and strength exercises, and it's not exclusively for men.
posted by dnash at 9:26 AM on June 17, 2015


That video shows as private for me, Fizz.
posted by almostmanda at 9:27 AM on June 17, 2015


oh god am i having a stroke broke

Come on, man...get with the brogram.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:28 AM on June 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


When my daughter wanted to see what wine was like, I let her try some rosé.

Not because she's a girl, but because she's a child and rosé is basically wine-flavored Capri Sun.

Anyway this is relevant
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:28 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Brocial justice? Bromestic service? Brosmetics?
posted by halifix at 9:31 AM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


And anyway, we wouldn't need "brogurt" or "Power yogurt" if yogurt companies would stop aiming all their ads solely at women in the first place.
posted by dnash at 9:33 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but it's awfully close to "chaps," as in assless chaps, and thus, super gay.


All chaps are assless and that's what chaps are, they don't have a rear, there are no assfull chaps - we really should say pantsless chaps cause that's what's going on.

Why does this bug me so much?
posted by The Whelk at 9:33 AM on June 17, 2015 [60 favorites]


Good grief; it should be obvious that one's manliness is determined not by what he drinks, but by how much.

You think this strawberry-kiwi wine cooler isn't manly? WHEN I SLAM THIRTY-FOUR BOTTLES FUCK YEAH IT IS
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


New rule: if you're going to portmanteau man- or bro- into something to preserve the fragilest of masculinities,

I believe the word you are searching for is portmanbro.
posted by Shepherd at 9:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [115 favorites]


Gender Neutrogurt
posted by griphus at 9:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [19 favorites]


This statement right here, "It's kind of like the beer of wine," makes no sense.

I think it means: We hope you drink pints and pints of it!
posted by puddledork at 9:36 AM on June 17, 2015


Calm down, you guys, bRosé is pretty good.
posted by maryr at 9:37 AM on June 17, 2015


Mandle, the candle for men.

I will never not link to Man Town.
posted by maryr at 9:40 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Strawbro-y Daiquiri
posted by Kabanos at 9:41 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Man Town should smell like poppers and pineapple flavoured lube.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:42 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


Sex on the Broch
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:43 AM on June 17, 2015


I will never not link to Man Town.

I was really hoping this would be a man-themed version of Cat Town.

IT IS A TOWN WHERE EVERYBODY IS A MAN

HURR HURR HURR i mean HIM HIM HIM
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


Cat Town is the worst air freshener I have ever used.

Actually, if we're talking diffusers, it's probably Feliway. Which makes the idea of Man Town as a way to being down tensions between dudes pretty hilarious.
posted by maryr at 9:47 AM on June 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


While I'm not proud of this, I am kind of enjoying that (insecure) men no longer get everything as a default for them, they have to seek out "for men" products and possibly pay more because the world is so tainted with womanliness. It makes me feel oddly powerful. Just by drinking a type of wine or using a regular pencil, I can force some men to desperately seek out another, man-branded version of same rather than come in contact with my overwhelming femaleness. It's like marking territory.

Though given that there are still "for women" products out there does that mean that eventually every product will need its users' gender specified? We appear to be getting there fast.
posted by emjaybee at 9:48 AM on June 17, 2015 [28 favorites]


Where's The Onion when we need them?
posted by songdogtech at 9:48 AM on June 17, 2015


As a real man I only drink meths or the 'purple' as I like to call it
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:48 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


They're introducing new gendered currency, Brobucks and Ladythalers. Brobucks come in tactical black nylon and are full of pure beef protein while Ladythalers give off a soothing vanilla jasmine coconut mint perfume and have 25% less purchasing power.
posted by The Whelk at 9:48 AM on June 17, 2015 [56 favorites]


Maybe this is a trend up in NY, but down here in DC, it's not. I sell a lot of rose, but nearly none of it to men. And men really don't go for the "brut rose," which imo is really what should be called pink champagne (except that pink champagne sounds too tacky, so it isn't).

We sell much more "brut rose" than we sell any other sparkling wine, ime, save the sparkling white wine that we sell as the "champagne" part of liqueur/champagne mixed drinks (which men order at about the same rate as women do ime. If you give those drinks macho-sounding names like "Hemmingway's Death in the Afternoon," more men then women are actually liable to order them, tbh).

Anyway, I love selling roses because it's usually to people who otherwise wouldn't be drinking at all, and because people almost always end up getting two glasses of them. Well, there's a sweeter rose (Spanish) that I have occasionally been unable to sell someone a second glass of, but the drier roses, especially this one dry French rose (that I personally don't even like), people always get two.

Dunno that I've ever sold a bottle of rose, though. It's always by the glass, and you often have to kind of sweet-talk people into that first glass, too (I give out lots of little tastes of it to get people started). But then once they get going, they usually aren't satisfied with just the one. Since roses are so light, they're usually done with that first glass way before they're done with their food (often they're done with that first glass even before the food arrives at all), so then of course they need to get at least one more glass of it.

What I don't sell a lot of, surprisingly, is riesling. I don't think I've even sold one glass of it in weeks, and there was a moment there when it was at least as popular as a staple like sauvignon blanc (and with this same population of customers). Also, we don't even have prosecco in stock anymore, and that was an ENORMOUS seller a couple years ago -- but I guess the issue with prosecco is that upcoming shortage/price hike rather than a change in people's tastes?

Anyway, so yeah, rose and even pink champagne is very popular at the moment, ime! But not really with men. Except when it comes to beer, in my experience men are usually a step or two behind in terms of drinking, though, and especially behind in terms of wines. So maybe when women are moving on to sparkling, sweet reds or some other weird thing, men will finally be asking for the "brut rose" and other stuff that's big with the women now *shrug.*
posted by rue72 at 9:49 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


Actually, if we're talking diffusers, it's probably Feliway. Which makes the idea of Man Town as a way to being down tensions between dudes pretty hilarious.

In my experience getting a bunch of angry dudes to all sniff something together leads to more tension not less
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Maybe this is a trend up in NY, but down here in DC, it's not.

As a point of reference, last weekend I was out in Park Slope and walked by literally three bars in a row with chalkboard signs reading ROSE SEASON or some variation thereof.
posted by griphus at 9:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Mandle, the candle for men.

What's all this then

Gunpowder
Enjoy the scent of spent shotgun shells? Then this is for you. Perfect for those who love shootin skeet, trap, black powder, or any other firearm weapon.

Stogie
No, Monica Lewinsky has nothing to do with this one. This candle has the scent of a smooth unburnt cigar straight from the humidor!


Please tell me this is a parbrody
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


"mister mantown bring me a dream

make him more manly than i've ever seen"

and then a hot shirtless slightly sweaty facially well-groomed lumberjack appears, he's holding a yogurt
posted by poffin boffin at 9:52 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


In my experience getting a bunch of angry dudes to all sniff something together leads to more tension not less

so much angry thrusting synchronized to sylvester's "do you wanna funk"
posted by poffin boffin at 9:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


carefullyneutralpost - nice!
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 9:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've been wondering when orange wines would have their time in the sun, they're neat, white grapes treated like red, great for pork.
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Man Town should smell like poppers and pineapple flavoured lube.

Oh, the stories I could tell...
posted by The Zeroth Law at 9:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oddly enough, the most effeminate guy I know drinks Jameson with a beer back. Fwiw.
posted by jonmc at 9:59 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Rose is to wine what spicy tuna rolls are to sushi or screwdrivers are to cocktails - inoffensive to the palate and familiar enough from a taste perspective to ease the transition.
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:00 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I just learned about the term 'brocialist' yesterday.
posted by charred husk at 10:05 AM on June 17, 2015


As a point of reference, last weekend I was out in Park Slope and walked by literally three bars in a row with chalkboard signs reading ROSE SEASON or some variation thereof.

*Rose* is definitely popular right now, but ime not really with men. But like I said, drinking trends and especially wine trends are usually driven by women anyway, ime, so I think it's normal that the "fashionable" wines/drinks would be whatever is popular with women. Men eventually get on the bandwagon, too, but they're usually a couple years behind. Like now, it's normal to see men ordering even sparkling whites, which was totally a woman thing back when sparkling whites were actually trendy (maybe 2013 or so). (The only exception to that is beer. With beer, it seems like it's always the men who are the drinking ~vanguard~). But anyway, DC is probably usually behind NY in trends, so maybe rose is old hat to women up there and it's finally the men's turn. (I wonder what women are drinking up in NY then?). Women/men, NY/DC -- there are just a bunch of dichotomous timelines when it comes to what's in fashion, I guess!
posted by rue72 at 10:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


That article describes drinking rosé as "pounding pink" ಠ_ಠ
posted by vogon_poet at 10:10 AM on June 17, 2015 [23 favorites]


So what was broccoli called before?

Anyway, this entire thread should be accompanied by this track. Here now, the facts. Presented by reporters in macho slacks.
posted by Devonian at 10:11 AM on June 17, 2015


I'm worried he's gonna get guy-fired from his brob

"Brojob", surely.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 10:12 AM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Huh, weird. I don't think I hardly know any men who would object to ordering a fine rosé with dinner in the summer. And that includes my circle of decidedly-stereotypically-masculine punk rock/rockabilly types. (I'm in Philly, FWIW.)
posted by desuetude at 10:12 AM on June 17, 2015


Next month, I'm launching a kickstarter for Brooches, which are, um ... brooches, but for bros.

Note: not actually launching a kickstarter.
posted by gauche at 10:15 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I love the stuff with ice all day on holiday in the south of France, where it's not very pink at all. It's as cheap as beer there too.
posted by colie at 10:18 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Maybe the world could use some more Bro-motional Labor.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:19 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's likely because of the places I frequent but I've never seen a man drink rosé. Champagne or a nice red at dinner, yes, but other than that mostly beer and whiskey. I swear I am not a dudebro.
posted by tommasz at 10:20 AM on June 17, 2015


maryr: "Actually, if we're talking diffusers, it's probably Feliway. Which makes the idea of Man Town as a way to being down tensions between dudes pretty hilarious."

Once a pair of male friends of mine were roughhousing on my couch and didn't cut it out when I shouted "Cut it out!" so (without really thinking about it) I sprayed them with my disciplining-the-cat spray bottle that was handy to prevent pretty much the same behavior in felines.

They didn't think it was NEARLY as funny as everyone else did.

But they didn't wrestle on my couch anymore.

MAN TOWN COULD WORK.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:21 AM on June 17, 2015 [40 favorites]


So I bought a bottle of rose a couple weeks back for my wife because they were out of her fave viognier and it was the same vineyard, and as per usual if I don't get beer, I probably have more than half the bottle. because she only ever has 2 or so glasses before she falls asleep on the couch in front of the Kardashians or TMZ or something. So yeah. Straight dude in his 30s drinkin a bunch of rose and playing minecraft. That happened.

I feel like no one sends me the memo on bro cues sometimes. I guess I can see it--it's wine and it's pink therefore O NOES. I mean it's way down the list of drinks I would choose if no one else was involved in the decision, but if my wife is not feeling like crushing a bunch of tall boys with me I'm OK with it from time to time.
posted by Hoopo at 10:22 AM on June 17, 2015


By the seventies, rosé was seen by serious wine drinkers as cloying, mass-produced swill, an object of revulsion and gendered disdain.

Oh, I see, now that one can get all geeky and technical about pink wine (it is no longer perceived as "mass-produced" and "cloying"), then the dude-bros can get on board with it.

What else can be geekified to make it acceptable to blokes whose every consumption decision must reinforce their masculinity? Tofu [brofu]? Kefir (Kef-him)? Strawberry daiquiris[dickeries]?
posted by Halo in reverse at 10:22 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


MentaFilter: Brommunity Manblog - now with tactical black and carbon fiber themes! Five bucks a month and you can brost bromments all day long and enjoy our fine brommunity! Buy a he-shirt and support our fine broderators, such as brotex, breastless_broman and BrobsterWorkGloves!
posted by jason_steakums at 10:24 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


Tofu?

If hiyayakko somehow got popular with bros and it led to some decent soft tofu becoming available where I live, I would be OK with that. I miss hiyayakko.
posted by Hoopo at 10:30 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


1 In the broginning Brod created the broheavens and the berth
posted by The Whelk at 10:32 AM on June 17, 2015


Do we really have to Bro up everything? Or make it geeky or sporty or something? Are we that insecure as a gender?

Maybe it's my advancing age, maybe it's just my deepening disgust with my own gender's social identity, but with most pop culture/consumption things, just like what you like. You don't need to put Bro on it.
posted by nubs at 10:32 AM on June 17, 2015


That clearly isn't rosé that Schwarzenegger is posing with, it's brandy. A drink that will never need to be broed.
posted by Flashman at 10:33 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Well you say that, but have you tried Brondy?
posted by jason_steakums at 10:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]




MentaFilter: Brommunity Manblog

Isn't this pretty much The Chive's deal?
posted by invitapriore at 10:36 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


There's a reason there's a whole tag on my tumblr called "masculinity is SO FUCKING FRAGILE." This was the post that led to my first use of the tag. MASCULINE GET WELL CARDS. Come the fuck on. There's just such a whole poisonous stew of toxic masculinity and sexism and misogyny in marketing choices like this.
posted by yasaman at 10:38 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


As an aside I couldn't remember the name of that site, so I hope I've made the day of whoever's watching my Google searches with "green website for bros coriander"
posted by invitapriore at 10:38 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Manberry tallcake
posted by oceanjesse at 10:40 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


I find it somewhat hilarious how seriously people take it when you add "bro" to something. I wish I could brovarite...favbro...every single comment.

It's like when marketers paint a product pink to signal it's "for women" but without having to turn the wine blue.
posted by Drinky Die at 10:42 AM on June 17, 2015


The Google office in NYC has (had?) a projector pointing at the floor with current searches scrolling by. It was pretty interesting. I asked the person I was with and they said it was quite complicated to filter out all the porn searches so it wasn't too tasteless. So maybe you did make somebodies day.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:43 AM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


I enjoyed the part where they waxed rhapsodic about rosé having its moment (because Brangelina?), while stolidly ignoring the actual cause of the renaissance--American winemakers who have begun harvesting grapes a few weeks earlier and modifying their fermentation processes to produce more acidic, less cloyingly-sweet pink wines. There's some pretty cool viticulture happening, especially in Sonoma, but I'm glad we got to hear about brosé culture, instead of any of the actual details of why American rosé (which is what most Americans are buying, since the good French stuff is generally >$20 a bottle and there's some sort of psychological barrier around that number) today looks nothing like the white zinfandels of the late 70's.
posted by Mayor West at 10:44 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


Do you even LIFT a glass of rosé?
posted by jeff-o-matic at 10:44 AM on June 17, 2015 [32 favorites]


Marshfellow Peeps
posted by chococat at 10:45 AM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


Cocktails
wait
posted by billiebee at 10:50 AM on June 17, 2015 [30 favorites]


After finishing his water, my four year old complained that he was still thirsty while we were out on a walk. I only had my Gatorade on hand, which he refused to drink because it was orange.

"What if I told you it wasn't Gatorade, but was actually Muscle Juice? Would you try it then?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.

So I handed him the bottle which he promptly opened and dumped over his head while yelling "MUSCLE JUICE POWER!!" He then took off down the path and ran into a bush.

I imagine that's what drinking brosé is like.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [174 favorites]


This thread has reminded me that I am way behind on my rosé quota for the summer and that it is my day off.

See you bros in a bit when it's Harpy Hour.
posted by Kitteh at 10:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Don't tease me,bro!
posted by dr_dank at 10:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Where's The Onion when we need them?

bro
posted by thedaniel at 10:53 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


OT

Actually...
#12 on the gendered stuff list (avoiding the lacy things section) is just fear of being accused of abusing the merchandise (or themselves by means of the merchandise). Which manly men in their ever-creepy manliness cannot help doing.

PS Having to mark my use of actually as humor is literally worse than Stalinism.
posted by Octaviuz at 10:53 AM on June 17, 2015


i have dated dudes who, while generally on board with laughing at toxic masculinity and not being controlled by it, would absolutely refuse to order any pink drink. they'd drink it at home, but in public - no how, no way. for one of my exes his favorite drink would be pink 50% of the time, so if he wanted it, he had to gamble that it'd be pink. he'd go so far as to ask how they made it to keep from getting a pink drink.

dudes are funny.
posted by nadawi at 10:54 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Broasted chicken is about to have a huge comeback.
posted by Fig at 10:56 AM on June 17, 2015 [7 favorites]




Tofu [brofu]?

DEEP, GROWLY VOICEOVER: You're a man. You work hard. And when you come home at the end of the day, you don't want some wimpy soft tofu. You want a thick slab of rich, meaty soy protein. You want Brofu: Tofu for Men.

Available in Cheddar Bacon, Ghost Pepper Ranch, Smoked Brisket, Cordite, Black Pepper, Ford F-150, BBQ Bourbon, and Leather Sofa flavors.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:57 AM on June 17, 2015 [64 favorites]


As a point of reference, last weekend I was out in Park Slope and walked by literally three bars in a row with chalkboard signs reading ROSE SEASON or some variation thereof.

Pretty sure this is some kind of promotion being done by a brand or distributor - I'm in DC and have noticed multiple bars in different neighborhoods pushing the same spirit (presumably the same brand, too) a number of times in the last few years. This article is probably astroturfing related to a national campaign.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:59 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


dudes are funny

Bailey's is considered a "girl's" drink here (can't stand it myself) but my brother-in-law likes it. So when he orders it at a bar he orders "A Bailey's for the wife" (because god forbid the bartender would think him less than manly). So that's what it's called in our house now, as in "BIL, do you want a Baileysforthewife?"
posted by billiebee at 11:00 AM on June 17, 2015 [16 favorites]


astrobrofing
posted by griphus at 11:00 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


as-bro-turfing

it's even better when you say it out loud a few times
posted by Mayor West at 11:03 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Don't Totally Break Out Some Krav Maga On The Charmin
posted by cortex at 11:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


I really like rose. But I must be the only one in my neighborhood that does because our local liquor store stopped carrying any kind of it about 5 years ago. If "brose" is a trend, that means I'll get more rose stocked at the liquor store, right? Good Thing!
posted by jillithd at 11:12 AM on June 17, 2015


*Rose* is definitely popular right now, but ime not really with men.

Not really in a trendy place, and I'm at a liquor store, so things are a little different, but I think the rose I sell is pretty well divided among all the different demographics that come in.

The one person who LOVES rose though? He's in his 60s and usually only buys French wines, but he's tried our Spanish and domestic roses.
posted by Gygesringtone at 11:15 AM on June 17, 2015


Rozay!
posted by hal_c_on at 11:15 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I just learned about the term 'brocialist' yesterday.

I just thought about how there's probably a 50/50 shot of that branding actually working to rehabilitate the image of socialism in America and then I had a sad.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:15 AM on June 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


If only we could design a machine to do this... a brobot, perhaps.

What could go wrong?

A brobot uproséing, that's what!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:17 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Men's Pocky; because some types of choco-dipped pretzel sticks just say "Man".
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:18 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Friends let friends drink whatever they hell they want.

I FUCKIN' LOVE GIRLY DRINKS!
DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK!
I FUCKIN' LOVE GIRLY DRINKS!
I FUCKIN' WANTED THAT PINK!
I FUCKIN' LOVE GIRLY DRINKS!
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:21 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Huh - just the other night the bff's husband, who is a consultant in NYC and lives downtown, told me that he doesn't care for Wolffer's rose this year compared to prior years. Was it two summers ago that the Wolffer rose was so delicious that it sold out at every store in the early summer and everyone was very sad about the short supply? Essentially he has been steadily been drinking rose to the extant that he can note the difference between vintages.

My whole NYC crowd of mixed genders has definitely been into rose for several years since it started to have a resurgence here. That's when I recall that we began to demand dry roses. But I don't know what the men order when I'm not there of course!

That said I'm feeling like my drink this summer is an aperol spritz.
posted by rdnnyc at 11:23 AM on June 17, 2015


Men's Pocky; because some types of choco-dipped pretzel sticks just say "Man".

Look, yes, it plays into a sexist stereotype of less sweet -> MANLY and is designed explicitly to support a corrosive institutional drinking culture, but goddammit Men's Pocky is delicious and I won't hear a word against it.
posted by fifthrider at 11:26 AM on June 17, 2015


Don't forget the manliest of elements!

Bromine (Br)

Elemental bromine is a fuming red-brown liquid at room temperature, corrosive and toxic, with properties between those of chlorine and iodine.

Even it's applications are manly!
  • Drilling! Bromine compounds are still used for purposes such as in well drilling fluids.
  • Fighting fires! Brominated flame retardants represent a commodity of growing importance, and represent the largest commercial use of bromine. When the brominated material burns, the flame retardant produces hydrobromic acid which interferes in the radical chain reaction of the oxidation reaction of the fire.
  • Gasoline additive! Ethylene bromide was an additive in gasolines containing lead anti-engine knocking agents. It scavenges lead by forming volatile lead bromide, which is exhausted from the engine. This application has declined since the 1970s due to environmental regulations.
  • Killing things! Poisonous bromomethane was widely used as pesticide to fumigate soil and to fumigate housing, by the tenting method. Ethylene bromide was similarly used.[28] These volatile organobromine compounds are all now regulated as ozone depletion agents.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:30 AM on June 17, 2015 [36 favorites]


5 years early to the party.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:30 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


man pocky is my absolute favorite pocky, despite its ridiculous name
posted by nadawi at 11:31 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't know if the word "bro" has done amazing things or terrible things for our language.

Has it gone unmentioned that (fancy French) rosé gets namechecked in rap songs pretty frequently these days? That seems relevant to what dudes think is cool.
posted by atoxyl at 11:32 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


> Buy a he-shirt and support our fine broderators, such as brotex

brotex is one of ours, bro.
posted by xbonesgt at 11:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


This all looks perfectly dignified compared to Adam Carolla having an entire line of "mangrias".
posted by a box and a stick and a string and a bear at 11:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Why does this bug me so much?
posted by The Whelk at 9:33 AM on June 17 [22 favorites +] [!]


Sounds like it's really .... chapping your ass.

[Sunglasses on ... yeeeeeeeeeagh!]
posted by chavenet at 11:34 AM on June 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


No love for roditis? Good. More for me.
posted by Splunge at 11:35 AM on June 17, 2015


Available in ... Cordite

In case anyone was wondering, comment favorited specifically for this.
posted by kiltedtaco at 11:39 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


I will bring some Brosé to the Sunday Brotluck along with my bro-ward winning brotato salad!
posted by Cookiebastard at 11:40 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Can someone please start the Tokaji Hype Train so I can get decent light sweet wine with an unusually high alcohol content for sipping in more places and so it isn't like 70 bucks a bottle?
posted by The Whelk at 11:41 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


No love for roditis?

That sounds like a bro-word for chlamydia.
posted by jedicus at 11:41 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Adam Carolla’s White Peach & Pear Cocktail

Well now I know what nightmare mockery of a beverage will be forced down my throat by the gallonful in Hell.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:42 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would also mention that there is no need to be exclusive. A proper dinner starts with rosé with the appetizers, moves to a crisp white wine with the fish plate / salad and on to a heartier red for the rest of the meal. Port wine for dessert. Madeira in a pinch. (You can substitute vinho verde ("green wine") for the rosé in step one.)
posted by chavenet at 11:43 AM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


It's like Adam Carolla is being punished for something, and rightfully so.
posted by The Whelk at 11:44 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Can someone please start the Tokaji Hype Train

Yes to this, I would also like Chinon to start becoming more widely available/showing up on restaurant wine lists, please.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 11:44 AM on June 17, 2015


Dude stick is mostly infuriating because the pre-existing major brand is already CHAP STICK. CHAP. As in FELLOW, DUDE, BRO.

Yeah, but it's awfully close to "chaps," as in assless chaps, and thus, super gay.
posted by dnash at 12:14 PM on June 17 [2 favorites +] [!]


I'm just here to point out that all chaps are assless. If they had asses, they wouldn't be chaps.

And that doesn't make me gay.
posted by Thistledown at 11:51 AM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


assed chaps are pants.

or the bartender, amirite, mrrrow hubba hubba
posted by boo_radley at 11:53 AM on June 17, 2015


Buncha girl drink drunks is all.
posted by bonehead at 11:55 AM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


is this a good time to mention that I have a bot that generates awful MAN PRODUCTS?? because i will probably comb through this thread for more words to add to its vocabulary later
posted by NoraReed at 11:56 AM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Oh god, another 'Rosé's not just white zinfandel anymore!' puff piece. Please make it stop. 2004 called, and it got it right - yeah, rosé is awesome. We've known this for a while. You can stop pretending like you just found some hidden gem.

(also Brosé makes me gag).

Heck, even glance at google trends and look for news items.
posted by redbeard at 11:57 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]




Did you know air freshener was gendered? WELL IT IS LADIES.

SO WE REAL MEN DON'T USE AIR FRESHENER, WE USE AN AIR SUPERIORITY SPRAY.

AIR! SUPERIORITY!

AND NONE OF THIS FROO-FROO LADY-LIKE DISH SOAP! MEN USE DISH WHISKEY!!!!!!!!

(I used to work with the guy who launched it. I did not care for him.)
posted by qcubed at 12:14 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Fuck off Ray. I'll drink what I like and maybe I won't end up looking like a bear-mauled suitcase.

I believe this was the question The Internet was designed to answer.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 12:15 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


AIR! SUPERIORITY!


No way, Brosé. I'm keeping my lavender scent.
posted by Drinky Die at 12:16 PM on June 17, 2015


A friend has allegedly witnessed this exchange:

Guy Driving pulls up alongside Guy Double-Parked:

GD: Hey bro?!!
GDP: Bro, don't bro me bro!
posted by preparat at 12:17 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


DISH WHISKEY

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU TRY THIS HARD PEOPLE START TO SUSPECT THINGS
posted by The Whelk at 12:17 PM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


I've been waiting for dry rosé to catch on for a couple years. It's a great summer evening wine. These guys are going to totally ruin it.
posted by kanewai at 12:18 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't eschew it because it is pink; I eschew it because it is just a really large wine cooler.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:19 PM on June 17, 2015




I can't wait for Girl Drink Drunk to be an artifact of the patriarchy.

Those fruity drinks aren't for me, personally, and I'll be glad for people to stop giving me shit for slamming down one & one like the men in my neighborhood bar.
posted by frecklefaerie at 12:28 PM on June 17, 2015


omg you guys, that is my actual last name, accent acute and all. (Well, the accent is an affectation on the part of my father, but I like it.) After decades of no one knowing how to pronounce or spell it, suddenly it's a marketing term?

Dang, should have registered that domain name after all.
posted by Soliloquy at 12:38 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


"A Bailey's for the wife"

That definitely has a ring of Al Murray to it.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 12:44 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


International conspiracy alert! My round-the-corner bottle shop in Paris now sends you out with a pink shopping bag marked "La vie en rosé." Somebody must have overproduced something.
posted by homerica at 12:49 PM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


White or rose wines are always a harder sell for me because it feels like the floor on quality tends to be much lower than on reds.

I can happily drink an 6 buck red, but whites or pinks at that range tend to be either cloying or acetone-y. I always put rose into that category of "I'd have to spend more than I would like to get a decent one"

Anyways Beaujolais lightly chilled is my fave drink of summer.
posted by Ferreous at 12:51 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


One of the nice things about living in Quebec was that rosé was a summertime wine that everyone drank, regardless of gender. Also, delicious access to cheap yet yummy French wines.
posted by Kitteh at 12:52 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


That said if anyone knows some decent entry level rosés I'd be more than happy to investigate.
posted by Ferreous at 12:58 PM on June 17, 2015


The Rosicrucian: perfect summer cocktail

5 parts chilled rosé
7 parts cold lemonade

Serve in one of those tumblers that has coolant frozen in the walls.
posted by chrchr at 1:02 PM on June 17, 2015 [11 favorites]


All chaps are assless and that's what chaps are, they don't have a rear, there are no assfull chaps - we really should say pantsless chaps cause that's what's going on.

Why does this bug me so much?


One of my oldest friends will ride this horse until he dies.

More than once he's drunkenly screamed at some party, usually in response to some tired homophobic joke, "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT THERES NO SUCH THING AS ASSLESS CHAPS. THAT'S LIKE SAYING BREADSANDWICH OR ATM MACHINE, ALL CHAPS ARE ASSLESS"

It's like, sonics-arms-arent-blue levels of anger.
posted by emptythought at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2015 [13 favorites]


Jeremy Clarkson once punched Piers Morgan in the face

Too bad he wasn't drinking brosé ... he might have finished the job!
posted by theorique at 1:05 PM on June 17, 2015


My understanding of why people emphasize the "assess" part of chaps is that they want to explain "the dude's butt was exposed".

Otherwise it's rather normal apparel (for a cowboy or rodeo hand anyway).
posted by theorique at 1:06 PM on June 17, 2015


5 parts chilled rosé
7 parts cold lemonade

Serve in one of those tumblers that has coolant frozen in the walls.


Hrm, all I have is pink lemonade. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to have one pink drink...but double pink? Can I call it "Brink" lemonade? It makes it sound exxtreme!
posted by Drinky Die at 1:07 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Man Town should smell like poppers and pineapple flavoured lube.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:42 PM on June 17


Surely you mean bromeliad-flavoured?
posted by ilana at 1:08 PM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Can we talk about the pathetic Ray Liotta tequila ads while we're here?

Sure, if I can throw the pathetic Kiefer Sutherland Jose Cuervo ads in there while we're at it.

Don't forget Michael Imperioli's awful ads for 1800 Tequila a few years back. Why all the stupid tequila ads with "tough guy" celebrity spokesmen?
posted by Edgewise at 1:09 PM on June 17, 2015


Look, if I'm going to spend $25 on something that won't get me any more drunk than the shit on the bottom shelf, it had better come vouched for by somebody I've seen performing acts of graphic fictional violence. This is basic logic.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:12 PM on June 17, 2015 [13 favorites]


I think I just realized that Ray Liotta was in some of those ads and Michael Imperioli was in others. I had conflated them into one memory of terrible tequila ads.

Anyway, Michael Imperioli, my friends are FOREVER saying "hey, let's go for a drink." Facebook didn't end drinking, idiot.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:15 PM on June 17, 2015


Everything old is new again.
posted by ominous_paws at 1:16 PM on June 17, 2015


I'm keeping my lavender scent.

Which has been a traditional scent in mens grooming products for, what, ever? Lavender is great!
posted by backseatpilot at 1:17 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


> Serve in one of those tumblers that has coolant frozen in the walls.

I keep telling you: that's an ice cream maker insert and you shouldn't be drinking that shit one quart at a time.
posted by boo_radley at 1:23 PM on June 17, 2015 [14 favorites]


Brosé? Dick on the bottle

You're gonna need a Pimm's Cup with that.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:27 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


That said if anyone knows some decent entry level rosés I'd be more than happy to investigate.

I can never remember individual wines that I've enjoyed. I find it easier to look for wines from certain well-known regions, and that have an AOC (Appellation d'Origine Contrôlée) designation. It's not a perfect system, but it increases your odds of having a nice wine.

From the Côtes du Rhône Villages, Tavel is the most well respected of the rosés, and a good place to start.

I personally prefer the rosés from Provence. I find them a little bit softer and easier to drink than the Rhône wines.

Rosés from Côtes du Roussillon in Languedoc aren't as well known in the States, so tend to be more affordable.
posted by kanewai at 1:28 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


i quite like rosé and I generally assume if somebody I don't know tells me it's good then they're essentially telling me "we're charging more for this one"
posted by solarion at 1:48 PM on June 17, 2015


The Rosicrucian: perfect summer cocktail

5 parts chilled rosé
7 parts cold lemonade


Oh my god, this is going to replace calimocho as my go-to summer drink. About time, too, seeing as I'm 31 and therefore a decade too old for calimocho.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 1:48 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


chrchr - your Rosicrucian cocktail sounds great. I think I'll try it this weekend. I tried googling it also, and found this description of Liqueur de Rosicrucian:

Liqueur de Rosicrucian (1885)

To 1/2 gallon of o.p spirit, add 2 oz. of treble distilled orange flower water; 1 oz. of rose water; 2 oz of spirit of jessamine flowers; 1 o.z of commercial ambergris; tone to a beautiful rose colour. Pour some syrup on a plate or dish, lay on it 3 leaves of silver and 4 leaves of gold leaf, break them into flakes, mix with 1 gallon of clarified syrup, and add to the liqueur. Then bottle. This is used at Masonic dinners.

Never mind the spirit of jasmine - that is a bro drink.
posted by kanewai at 1:58 PM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


I love rosé but the perfect summer cocktail is sparkling lemonade (preferably made a little under-sweet) and sweet tea vodka.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:59 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Any mixes that people like without citrus in them? I have unfortunate acid sensitivities that mean I can either get drunk or drink citrus but not do both.
posted by NoraReed at 2:01 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Easy drinking Piesporter, my sweet summer fling.

We have a simple ranking for such wines. It is theoretically unbounded, though has practical limits: how many bottles will the two of us go through before we're done? Our top rating to date is three (or maybe four, I can't recall).
posted by bonehead at 2:03 PM on June 17, 2015


I recently started acupuncture in South Philly and I am bemused by the man bun. I mean, it's not like a few guys are wearing them and referring to them as man buns. I don't know what they call their man buns. But there are so many man buns. I mean I think I could probably spot thirty or so on one trip.

I guess I am confused about man buns, and I really wanted to write man buns a bunch of times.
posted by angrycat at 2:05 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Citizen Cider in Vermont makes a delicious blueberry cider called Brosé. I'm sad that this post isn't about it :(
posted by Itaxpica at 2:10 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


I personally think that most long-haired men with straight hair look kind of unkempt and the fact that there are only 2 appropriate hairstyles ("loose" and "ponytail") for them makes them often look terrible, and so men who go for buns, braids, etc. almost always look pretty good in them, at least compared to their boring-locked brethren. "Man-bun" is ridiculous, but the make-a-ponytail-but-don't-pull-it-all-the-way-through thing is pretty good for easy/lazy days; I use it all the time. I really hope ACTUAL buns catch on more for men, as well as just more variety in hairstyles, because there are just not a lot of "socially appropriate" styles available for them that are interesting. (The exception, I think, is men with Black hair, but of course that ends up being policed for being "inappropriate" for a lot of reasons that are just white supremacist garbage.)
posted by NoraReed at 2:12 PM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Liqueur de Rosicrucian

I don't know anything about that. My vision for the rosicrucian was as sangria for lazy people, and it has rosé in it, and I am a fan of conspiracy fiction, so it was the first thing that popped into mind. The kalimotxo was definitely an inspiration too, though I didn't know it was called that.
posted by chrchr at 2:13 PM on June 17, 2015


PLEASE TELL ME IT IS SERVED OUT OF A SKULL
posted by NoraReed at 2:16 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


So relevant, from SMBC Comics: "Men were socially incapable of enjoying anything considered girly..."
posted by suedehead at 2:17 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


The Rosicrucian is your own invention? Très cool.

As for sangria for lazy people: Tinto de verano (red wine and orange or lemon-lime soda) fits the bill. It actually works better with box wine than with good wine, though it tastes better with a good European slightly-sweet orange soda than with American ones.

I've heard rumors that sangria in Spain is mostly for house parties & rarely served at bars, and that if a tourist asks for a sangria at a bar he will be served tinto but charged sangria-prices. I can't confirm this, though.
posted by kanewai at 2:21 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


From the Côtes du Rhône Villages, Tavel is the most well respected of the rosés, and a good place to start.

I personally prefer the rosés from Provence. I find them a little bit softer and easier to drink than the Rhône wines.

Rosés from Côtes du Roussillon in Languedoc aren't as well known in the States, so tend to be more affordable.


bro tip: don't limit yourself to French wine.
posted by chavenet at 2:34 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


As for sangria for lazy people: Tinto de verano (red wine and orange or lemon-lime soda) fits the bill.

Oh, yes. I learned about that last summer and gave it a try. I think I mixed the wine with San Pellegrino Limonata (which is also what I usually use for Pimm's Cups).
posted by dnash at 2:37 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've heard rumors that sangria in Spain is mostly for house parties & rarely served at bars, and that if a tourist asks for a sangria at a bar he will be served tinto but charged sangria-prices. I can't confirm this, though.

This was not my experience, though we were drinking it sitting around at cafes all afternoon and ordering it by the pitcher. However my Spaniard friends consider sangria to be primarily an overpriced tourist product and they themselves drink tintos.
posted by phearlez at 2:49 PM on June 17, 2015


The Rosicrucian: perfect summer cocktail

5 parts chilled rosé
7 parts cold lemonade


eh, 5/10

Not really sure how this competes with my summer dongtail, also served in a gelly-icy cup

5 parts chilled gordons vodka(not sweet enough? pinnacle whipped cream vodka! it tastes EXACTLY like that powdered vanilla astronaut lemonade from the 90s!)
5 parts chilled newmans own limeade

Shake internally until concussion.

Yours does sound like a really good way to ruin one of those $10 dollar store fake camelbacks though, walking around on a 90f day with a backpack full of ice cubes to keep it super cold.(Hey, even if you do ruin the thing, it's still cheaper than bar drinks)
posted by emptythought at 2:59 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Tinto de verano (red wine and orange or lemon-lime soda) fits the bill. It actually works better with box wine than with good wine, though it tastes better with a good European slightly-sweet orange soda than with American ones.

Here's one my buddy brought back with him from Hungary: 1 part cheap red, 1 part coke. The VBK. Tastes a little like Dr Pepper and makes you stupid, which is a great way to be on a hot summer day.
posted by Hoopo at 3:07 PM on June 17, 2015


I believe the word you are searching for is portmanbro.

Oh honey (and I can say this because I am married to Shepherd), I believe you meant bromanteau.
posted by Kitteh at 3:09 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


(also we just opened our second bottle of rosé and are listening to Bowie on vinyl so wheeeeeeeeeee)
posted by Kitteh at 3:10 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oh honey (and I can say this because I am married to Shepherd), I believe you meant bromanteau.

Bromanbro

The manliest man-word
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:18 PM on June 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Here's one my buddy brought back with him from Hungary: 1 part cheap red, 1 part coke.

That's also called kalimotxo.
posted by chrchr at 3:19 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Bro Manbro, hero of the broland wastes!
posted by The Whelk at 3:21 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Sangria for lazy people

Equal parts cheap red wine and Orangina. I had a band mate who swore by it.
posted by monospace at 3:37 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Who are all these blokes with no bum? That kind of lad wouldn’t be my mate.

I'm worried he's gonna get guy-fired from his brob

"Brojob", surely.


No, it’s bröb. Just forgot the broumlaut.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:50 PM on June 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


Oh my god, this is going to replace calimocho as my go-to summer drink.

GOD i read this and got so ANGRILY NAUSEATED WITH MEMORIES and the rage remained for so long that i finally realized it was actually a migraine but wow. i need to go back to pretending it doesn't exist.
posted by poffin boffin at 4:13 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Please make it stop. 2004 called, and it got it right - yeah, rosé is awesome. We've known this for a while. You can stop pretending like you just found some hidden gem.

The problem is, it's not 2004 everywhere yet. My local wine store has a beautiful selection of roses, but I don't see it much at local restaurants, and the grocery stores still only carry that white zin stuff. And Hawaii is, surprisingly, near the top for per capita wine consumption.

bro tip: don't limit yourself to French wine.

Ya go with what's available. Given the state of the euro, and the skills of our local distributors, good European wines are currently cheaper here than good American wines. French works for me, and who am I to argue with capitalist market forces?
posted by kanewai at 4:24 PM on June 17, 2015


Equal parts cheap red wine and Orangina. I had a band mate who swore by it.

Oh god, i'm going to get a horrible hangover from this before the summer is over. Maybe more than one.
posted by emptythought at 4:38 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


NoraReed, are you similarly bothered by either hibiscus tea or hibiscus powdered drink mix (Jamaica in Spanish, and normally found in the Latin food section)? I find it makes an excellent replacement for applications where you might use either lemony drink or pomegranate.

Also, any kind of white wine, still or fizzy, with a splash of Tamarind soda or powdered drink mix. (Now that I think about it, sweet tea vodka would also be good with either Jamaica or Tamarindo.)

I am drinking cheap box cab and Crystal Light lemonade right now. Not even embarrassed. It's too hot out for plain red wine.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:16 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Maybe i'm biased because i'm on a major rosé bender for the summer, but I didn't realize that taste in wine could be gendered in this way. Although i'm american, this must be an american thing because of the color. Because surely no one anywhere else in the world would misconstrue wine so completely. If someone, somehow thinks that Rosé is always sweet or insipid or unstructured then that person must have continually just had bad rosé. And i'm basing that on the fact that there's tons of kick ass, complex, dry, flavorful rosé in California alone, not to mention Spain (or even Italy or France, maybe even Oregon). Is Chardonnay considered feminine, or Riesling, or Viognier? I mean, we're not talking Chenin Blanc here.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 5:28 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Bro! Brah! Broseph! Pass me some of that brosé dawg. Wicked brohawk by the way. Hey, don't let me forget to pick up some brogurt before heading to that new broga studio tomorrow. Bikram, brah. I mean, no bromo, but what do you think of my brotally wicked six pack?

What's that brah? You don't like portmanbreaus? BROVERRULED.
posted by duffell at 5:32 PM on June 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


riesling is absolutely considered feminine. i mean, really, wine is considered feminine, but there are certain class barriers above which there are acceptable wines for men to drink - but never pink, rarely bubbly. for men who care about that sort of judgement.
posted by nadawi at 5:33 PM on June 17, 2015


Poorly Drawn Lines has the definitive strip.
posted by duffell at 5:36 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


You don't like portmanbreaus? BROVERRULED.

You can't broverule a portmanbreau. That violates every rule of brotocol.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:14 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


MEDIBROCRE
posted by invitapriore at 6:15 PM on June 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


i never want this beautiful thread to end.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:33 PM on June 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


BROVERCOMPENSATING
posted by box at 7:35 PM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


You can substitute vinho verde ("green wine") for the rosé in step one.

Hey, yeah! Do the rest of you people know about this vinho verde? It's delightfully lightly effervescent, not way fizzy like a champagne, and Mrs. Bastard and I will guzzle gallons of it this summer.

Um, Bronho verde or something...
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:56 PM on June 17, 2015


Brosé is pink
Cisco's in blue
Mix them together
Baby, you've got a stew going.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:59 PM on June 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


Do the rest of you people know about this vinho verde?

Yup. One of my friends turned me on to it a few years ago. I usually get Casal Garcia cuz it's really affordable (store I use has it for $7).
posted by dnash at 8:03 PM on June 17, 2015


I was in Lisbon recently and someone recommended vinho verde, and it was perfect. I haven't had any since we got back, but because I'm lazy, morally I should have had a bunch.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:13 PM on June 17, 2015


27 Gendered Products that prove masculinity is incredible fragile

I don't feel more manly, but I do feel about ten times more awesome.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:15 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]



Liqueur de Rosicrucian (1885)

To 1/2 gallon of o.p spirit, add 2 oz. of treble distilled orange flower water; 1 oz. of rose water; 2 oz of spirit of jessamine flowers; 1 o.z of commercial ambergris; tone to a beautiful rose colour. Pour some syrup on a plate or dish, lay on it 3 leaves of silver and 4 leaves of gold leaf, break them into flakes, mix with 1 gallon of clarified syrup, and add to the liqueur. Then bottle. This is used at Masonic dinners.


Whale barf?!?!?!
posted by daq at 8:28 PM on June 17, 2015


Vinho Verde is the best! Refreshing and delicious and usually can be found cheaply. I like the Casal Garcia brand and the one with the lobster on the bottle. Santola maybe?
posted by aka burlap at 8:39 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is a wonderful thread.
posted by rtha at 8:54 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


has someone figured out yet how to use the wordnik API to create bromonteaus? like portmanteau_bot but only for the word "bro"
posted by NoraReed at 9:00 PM on June 17, 2015


Whale barf?!?!?!

Butch up, homeboy. It's actually ejected from the other end.
posted by kanewai at 9:26 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


wait, really? why did i think it came out of their blowhole like boogers do from people noses?

if the answer is "because you are an idiot" i will accept that as my due
posted by poffin boffin at 9:45 PM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just a very recent change in science. The new consensus is that it's defecated out.

Also: blow it your bro-hole would make an awesome retort to the marketers of brosé.
posted by kanewai at 10:19 PM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]


Lyn Never, please tell me more about this sweet tea vodka to which you keep referring!
posted by blessedlyndie at 10:25 PM on June 17, 2015


manbrogris
posted by threeants at 10:32 PM on June 17, 2015


I work at a supermarket in an area which is largely populated by recent immigrants and I am constantly approached by (mostly) guys asking me if a product is for men or for women. Everything from umbrellas, to yoghurt, to probably goddamn band-aids or something (I don't keep a list, but now I feel like maybe I should start a tumblr or something).

I'm never sure whether they're expecting the product to be overtly gendered and just asking me to read the label for them, or whether they're essentially asking me a more complicated question about local social norms and whether the products fit into a typical masculine (or feminine) lifestyle in Australia. But they are often frustrated and dissatisfied with my answer, which for the vast majority of products is "this is for everyone".
posted by lwb at 10:47 PM on June 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Lyn Never, please tell me more about this sweet tea vodka to which you keep referring!

Well there's this stuff, which is actually good. Then there's uh... this stuff, which is just a bottle of regret that tastes like it has no alcohol in it.

Burnett's also makes this, which is a summery smooth... crime against common decency.
posted by emptythought at 3:32 AM on June 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


In France rosé is not seen as girly by anyone, it's seen as the cheap wine you get drunk on while eating crappy food in the summer because no one wants to cook.
It is served cold because it's not very good...
And the untold rule is that rosé should always be cheap.

It's a seasonal thing, it does not taste great but it's part of what you do in summer.
Now the french wine industry is trying to sell it internationnaly as a sophisticated drink, they're pushing that also in france by making highend rosé.
Do not let that fool you, the spirit of that wine is that it's cheap, it's cold and it gets you dizzy during summer. As a principle you should never pay more than 10 bucks for a bottle, a 10$ bottle is the best of the best rosé you're allowed to get, but the truth is that most of the time the 5$ bottle is the one you want.
You're going to drink it while eating a merguez so any other drink would be a waste...
posted by SageLeVoid at 5:55 AM on June 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


As a principle you should never pay more than 10 bucks for a bottle, a 10$ bottle is the best of the best rosé you're allowed to get, but the truth is that most of the time the 5$ bottle is the one you want.

I get the spirit of what you're saying, but thanks to local and state taxes (and to a lesser extent business costs), liquor prices all over the US can vary a lot.

Any mixes that people like without citrus in them?

Pureed fruit cut with apple juice (or whatever), and then mixed with some sort of non-coke\sprite\etc. soda and vodka is fantastic.

We just did mixed berries and lavender soda.
posted by Gygesringtone at 6:24 AM on June 18, 2015


I have trouble getting the Firefly sweet tea vodka in my usual stores, but I can get Seagram's version just about anywhere. They also make a peach tea vodka I haven't tried yet, but I'll bet is also good.

They're very, very sweet, so you may need to cut your mixer with water, sparkling water, club soda, etc.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:27 AM on June 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've tried the Firefly vodka at some bar. It was OK. A friend of mine told me about an alcoholic root beer called (no shit) Not Your Father's Root Beer that sounds great, but I've been unable to find.
posted by jonmc at 11:07 AM on June 18, 2015


I've had the Not Your Father's Root Beer. It's good. A little on the sweet side maybe, but I liked it.
posted by dnash at 11:35 AM on June 18, 2015


I haven't drank it, but I have eaten a sandwich with bbq sauce made with NYF Root Beer and it was fantastic.
posted by everybody had matching towels at 11:49 AM on June 18, 2015


I've had the Not Your Father's Root Beer. It's good. A little on the sweet side maybe

I liked the one I had, but much like a regular root beer, I didn't want a second. Imagine it would be good to cook with tho.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:44 PM on June 18, 2015


club soda broda

NEVER FORGET
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:57 PM on June 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


Just a very recent change in science. The new consensus is that it's[ambergris] defecated out.

I started to ask "how recent?" since, like poffin, I thought it was puked, based on when I first heard about it about 30 years ago. Then I decided to be marginally less lazy and look on Wikipedia. (I said marginally) The citation there indicates that they still think some of it comes from barf.
Ambergris is usually passed in the fecal matter. It is speculated that an ambergris mass too large to be passed through the intestines is expelled via the mouth, leading to the reputation of ambergris as primarily coming from whale vomit.[5]
[5] William F. Perrin, Bernd Wursig, J. G.M. Thewissen (2009). Encyclopedia of Marine Mammals. Academic Press. p. 28. ISBN 0080919936.
The publication in an encyclopedia type of book would lead me to think this is recent in the decade-back sense, since I'd presume some other sorts of publication and peer review before it made it there.
posted by phearlez at 1:09 PM on June 18, 2015


I'm going to be marginally even more lazy (race to the bottom?) and say: your research sounds great.

The bigger issue for me is that it is illegal to buy sell or trade whale vomit and feces under CISPES, and one day you might stumble on a block of ambergris on the beach that could make you fabulously wealthy but first you'd have to make contact with the shady world of ambergris smuggling (it's a thing) & hopefully make it to France alive where you can legally sell it auction.

Also, I wanted to try a Rosicrucian (chrchr-style) last night, but the grocery store only had pink moscato, which not even bro-positive marketing can make me drink. So I tried an experiment with a California red blend and lilikoi soda. For the record: this was a cocktail fail, it will never be a thing, and does not even deserve a name.
posted by kanewai at 1:37 PM on June 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Rose goes with fruit like strawberries as an appetizer like someone mentioned. Yes hip hop is triggering the resurgence just like it was with 40's and Cristal. Fucking whitey. /is white
posted by aydeejones at 3:01 PM on June 18, 2015


Tofu?

If hiyayakko somehow got popular with bros and it led to some decent soft tofu becoming available where I live, I would be OK with that. I miss hiyayakko.


Hiyayakko could be said to literally mean "chill dude" in Japanese, actually. Link to MetaFilter's own No-sword.
posted by misozaki at 4:56 PM on June 18, 2015


Just to brontinue the vinho verde brorail, it pairs well with bacon, spinach, tomato and avocado sandwiches, Mrs. Bastard and I discovered this evening.

Or, um, bacon, sp-him-mach, bro-mato and guy-vocado, um, manwiches?

Fuck it, my heart isn't in it anymore.

The sandwiches were delicious.
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:56 PM on June 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Can we go the other way with this and start drinking womanhattans?
posted by Gygesringtone at 1:03 PM on June 19, 2015


They already make flirtinis.
posted by maryr at 3:01 PM on June 19, 2015


Oh, I didn't mean as like a weird psuedo-manhattan, but just a straight up manhattan, but we all agree to amend wo to the beginning, as a delicious antidote to all the "bromance" crap.
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:16 PM on June 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


boo_radley: " I keep telling you: that's an ice cream maker insert and you shouldn't be drinking that shit one quart at a time."

turns out I was wrong to doubt you, I'm sorry.
posted by boo_radley at 10:23 PM on June 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Here's one my buddy brought back with him from Hungary: 1 part cheap red, 1 part coke. The VBK. Tastes a little like Dr Pepper and makes you stupid, which is a great way to be on a hot summer day.

Sooooo . . . . . several years ago I was working in a freshly opened rock club, and the owners were a little worried about the reception they were gonna get from their close residential neighbors - concerned that they'd be too loud too late, y'know? This place had previously been a meeting hall for [redacted Eastern European Nationality], and come Christmas time, the younger generations decided to hold their party in the rock club while their parents & grandparents used the new meeting hall.

They were all drinking red wine & coke - which no-one had ever heard of before, and so the bar quickly ran out of red wine and had to send people out to buy bottle upon bottle of red wine from wherever they could. I think they cleared out the red wine reserves of every gas station and convenience store in a half-mile radius.

By 10 pm it was utter chaos. There was a constant stream of top-of-the-lungs arguments and fistfights in the parking lot, people puking everywhere (inside and outside), people having sex in the nearest available semi-private space (inside and outside), people wandering up and down the street singing at the top of their lungs while waving their drinks around. This continued until 3 am, when we were finally able to hunt down the last of the stragglers hiding in the nooks and crannies of the space and throw them out.

We all collectively decided that if the neighbors had had to deal with that on a regular basis, a rock club was gonna seem like a retirement home.
posted by soundguy99 at 8:18 AM on June 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


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