Activia, Monterey Jill, & Special K Down the Hatch
June 25, 2015 2:59 PM   Subscribe

Here's what happens when a man eats nothing but food made for women. When I began my exploration of gendered food items, I was hoping for a dramatic payoff.... Instead, I got a pile of cardboard packaging and confirmation of my thesis: marketing something as “for women” -- the pinks and purples, the low-calorie labels, the suggestions that life is just sooooo crazy and women need to take a break with a thumbnail-sized brownie -- is the dumbest gimmick in food marketing.
posted by katie (115 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
 
My name for Lean Cuisines is Woman Lunch Units. It's not that they're bad, they're just designed to not be an entire meal. You're not supposed to be full. In a sense, they are supposed to infuriate you.

The longer I think about these things, the angrier I get and the more likely I am to eat a big god damned bowl of cheese and carbs. I literally used to believe that candy was a feminist act. This isn't true, of course, but our decisions can be.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:08 PM on June 25, 2015 [31 favorites]


Nah, the dumbest gimmick in food marketing is putting "gluten free" stickers on apples.
posted by aaronetc at 3:15 PM on June 25, 2015 [52 favorites]


Up next, what happens when a woman eats nothing but food made for men: My Diet of Beer, Beef Jerky, and Prostate Health Gummy Vitamins
posted by picklenickle at 3:16 PM on June 25, 2015 [23 favorites]


...and Hungry Man frozen dinners.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:21 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


The irony is that for all those calories, HUNGRY MAN frozen dinners leave me nearly as hungry as I started. They're fiber-free.

Luna Bars are definitely the oddest ones. They're no more terrible than any other "meal" bar but they're just such a transparent marketing gimmick. Unless you're eating literally nothing else, I'm pretty sure women can eat CHOCO MAX PROTEIN bars just like dudes do.
posted by GuyZero at 3:28 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


It did not, however, succeed as “the perfect snack for the girl-on-the-go,” because I’m a guy. It was “the perfect snack for the guy-on-the-go,” though. Kinda makes you think it would be “the perfect snack for anyone-on-the-go.”
Brilliant.
posted by erratic meatsack at 3:29 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


I buy whichever energy bars are on sale and eat them between classes when I don't have time for meals, and I have to say that Lunas are among the tastiest (Lara bars are the best, but they don't go on sale as often). The best Luna flavors are Nuts Over Chocolate and Lemon Zest.
posted by hydropsyche at 3:32 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


But, does he laugh uncontrollably when handed a bite of cheese or a small salad?
posted by Thorzdad at 3:35 PM on June 25, 2015 [75 favorites]


Many men now eat diets that are about half powder because muscular hypertrophy.
posted by srboisvert at 3:36 PM on June 25, 2015 [8 favorites]


Luna Bars are definitely the oddest ones.

Back at my last job I was in charge of the weekly Peapod order. One week I guess Peapod either ran out of our regular kind of protein bars or just made a mistake because instead of the regular delivery, we got a couple boxes of Luna Bars. For an office full of men.

At the end of the week all of the other snacks were picked dry, but the Luna Bars were all still sitting there untouched. Like if a dude deigned to eat one of them he would instantly grow a pair of tits and his penis would fall off.
posted by phunniemee at 3:37 PM on June 25, 2015 [79 favorites]


I could happily have gone the rest of my days without being reminded of that time I actually tried to do the "Special K Challenge." [shudder]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:37 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


After reading this, I realized that I eat like a dude, possibly because I've arranged my life to minimize my contact with advertising that tells me I should be eating decadent 100-calorie mini brownie squares made of fake sugar that won't break my all-important diet.
posted by immlass at 3:39 PM on June 25, 2015 [11 favorites]


FWIW though I buy the Organic Girl greens sometimes; their marketing spiel is literally the stupidest crap I've ever read, but they stay good a lot longer than the store brand.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:41 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


It never ever occurred to me that Organic Girl greens were gendered in any way.
posted by vunder at 3:42 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


aaronetc: "Nah, the dumbest gimmick in food marketing is putting "gluten free" stickers on apples."

Did you know they make gluten-free water now?
posted by double block and bleed at 3:46 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


Luna Bars are definitely the oddest ones.

But how else am I supposed to get my molybdenum?
posted by odinsdream at 3:47 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


For the last five years I've had gall stones and have to limit my fat intake (no more than 6g per meal no more than 40g per day) and Lean Cuisine has been great for that. I have a freezer full of them for the times when I'm too worn out to cook. They actually taste pretty good, they're cheapish (usually 5 for $10) and won't make me writhe on the couch for hours feeling like I've been stabbed in the belly.
posted by Tenuki at 3:47 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


But how else am I supposed to get my molybdenum?

Well, molly pills, maybe? And not a mention about the trace nutrient selenium, which derives its name from the goddess Selene...

And while Special K is gendered, I have to admit that as a guy, I just like the flavor Special K Red Berries and the scent of Dove soap bars. Maybe that's why I like dudes instead of being a manly man or whatever.

...then again, I also love the flavor of Raisin Bran and Wheaties, so I dunno. Marketing to women's insecurities is stupid and offensive. That's what I'm trying to say.
posted by qcubed at 3:52 PM on June 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Those Key Lime Pie Luna bars are delicious. Even for my insanely manly tastebuds.
posted by lumpenprole at 3:57 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


But how else am I supposed to get my molybdenum?

From immersing your bare hands in a chrome-plating bath like a real man.
posted by GuyZero at 4:06 PM on June 25, 2015 [39 favorites]


I used to work with a man who ate Luna bars regularly. He noted that they were similarly priced to Cif bars but tastier and with fewer calories.
posted by Missense Mutation at 4:08 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


I had a moment of confusion reading the title as I attempted to figure out what drugs went by the street name of Activia and Monterey Jill.
posted by combinatorial explosion at 4:08 PM on June 25, 2015 [43 favorites]


What's good for the goose is good for the gander, apparently.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:09 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Tenuki: " won't make me writhe on the couch for hours feeling like I've been stabbed in the belly."

There's your new tagline, Lean Cuisine.
posted by boo_radley at 4:17 PM on June 25, 2015 [16 favorites]


oh, also: who was it that pointed out that Chapstick is inherently gendered? I thought that was a nice point.
posted by boo_radley at 4:18 PM on June 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


As a guy who often buys the "low cal portion" snack stuff, I hadn't even considered that it was supposedly gendered (not that I care either way).

I mean, technically I could open a non-low-calorie-portion food and put half of it in tupperware or something, I guess. But realistically for me its a lot easier to not open another one than to actually stop eating it and put half of it away. One of those incredibly minor barriers that somehow still manages to actually reduce how much I eat.
posted by thefoxgod at 4:19 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


My gastroenterologist told me that Activia does NOT have the right yogurt cultures to help digestion. Mountain High is better.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 4:26 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Gene Weingarten freaks out because he ate one of his wife's Luna bars

(Disclaimer: I find Gene's humor dated and tedious)
posted by bad grammar at 4:27 PM on June 25, 2015


It did not, however, succeed as “the perfect snack for the girl-on-the-go,” because I’m a guy. It was “the perfect snack for the guy-on-the-go,” though. Kinda makes you think it would be “the perfect snack for anyone-on-the-go.”

But then nobody will feel compelled to buy the snack as a way of supporting their identity! We need marketers to design separate beef jerky for men, for women, for gamers, for hikers, for Brooklynites, for people who don't like jerky...
posted by Rangi at 4:27 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ooh I'm opening a bag of SkinnyPop to watch this thread.
posted by resurrexit at 4:28 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


I think this article must be pretty well written because I read all the way to the end, which is unusual for stunt journalism. The stunt itself is kinda pointless, but he comes across as pretty thoughtful and empathetic without irritating me with a "dear women, let me explain your oppression to you" approach. Although I'm a man so I guess my sensors might be pretty useless for that. But yes, this seemed pretty good to me despite the massive potential to be irritating. So that's an accolade of sorts.
posted by howfar at 4:29 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Women have real problems. Unless you watch TV, then their only problem is not being able to poop. Being acquainted with actual, non-TV women I'm beginning to suspect that might not be true.
posted by tommasz at 4:34 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


a few years ago its dairy brand, Lucerne, began selling Monterey Jill, a female-friendly diet version of Monterey Jack. It was “Jack’s lighter companion” and featured a sassy cartoon cow mascot with a flower in her hair

I am rage-eating my own fist right now.
posted by billiebee at 4:37 PM on June 25, 2015 [42 favorites]


I had not thought terribly hard about gendered food until my husband picked up a 12-pack of Coke Zero, which he prefers to my Diet Coke.

Throwing my "Share a Diet Coke with your SOULMATE" can into the recycling bin next to his "Share a Coke Zero with your BRO" can gave me flames up the side of my face.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:39 PM on June 25, 2015 [40 favorites]


In addition to enjoying this funny piece, I liked that the author gave links to places women have written about the terrible bullshit that is gendered food marketing and that he not only acknowledged this was stunt journalism but got a joke out of it. Well done!
posted by gingerest at 4:39 PM on June 25, 2015 [17 favorites]


I googled for the image and that cow does not look sassy.

Pearls and lavender though is a nice touch. If the flower didn't give it away then this firmly puts us into the "ladies" category.
posted by erratic meatsack at 4:43 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Protip: Low carb Bodytrim protein cookies "for women" are exactly the same as low carb Aussie Bodies Protein FX cookies "for men" (more non-gendered, actually) and are often as much as $2 cheaper for identical serving sizes and macros.

My company has developed more masculine packaging that can be purchased in lots of 100. Simply unwrap the girl-cookie, throw away the girl-packaging, and insert the cookie into one of our patented ManSacks(tm). ManSacks(tm) come in a range of sizes, configurations and designs so that you may safely ensconce your girly foods away from judgemental eyes. Want to eat a banana? We have just the ManSack(tm) for you, shaped like a Glock 22 that you can put in your mouth. Pull the trigger and the banana is mashed by special technology and oozes onto your tongue like thick chutney toothpaste.

Got a craving for sweets? Fill one of our Boxing Glove ManSacks(tm) with Allen's Snakes and punch deliciousness into your own face! Prefer girly-branded Trim light milk - basically crushed chalk in water - to thicker, more masculine full-cream milk? Just tip it into a thing that makes it look like you are 'roiding in the changing room when you inject it directly into your calamari ring. Accidentally bought a pink skipping rope off Gumtree? Wrap it up in ManSacks(tm)-branded black duct tape!

Your delicate knife-edge manliness will be beyond reproach with ManSacks(tm).
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:43 PM on June 25, 2015 [28 favorites]


Up next, what happens when a woman eats nothing but food made for men: My Diet of Beer, Beef Jerky, and Prostate Health Gummy Vitamins

This man has four basic food groups: caffeine, nicotine, grease, and sugar. For women that would be: caffeine free Celestial Seasonings tea, nicotine free Fredrick's Premium Very Berry vape juice, Olestra, and Stevia.
posted by MikeMc at 4:49 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


Female gendered dairy cows.

I.... I... there are no words beyond W T F?
posted by Deoridhe at 4:55 PM on June 25, 2015 [18 favorites]


The real WTF is cheese from bulls.
posted by GuyZero at 4:57 PM on June 25, 2015 [32 favorites]


> And Skinny Cow’s ice cream bars were legitimately delicious, even if Skinny Cow is the worst name for a food product since Argentina’s Barfy burger.

Sooo...nothing about the Skinny Cow logo? That is one sexxxy cow!
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:06 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


I clicked The Card Cheat's link, and now I'm so confused... Are we supposed to be hungry or aroused?
posted by Kevin Street at 5:16 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]




I would make love to that cow until the other cows come home

If I were a bull I mean

/taurus
posted by aydeejones at 5:23 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


YoBro: yogurt for bro's on the bro. Packed with snips, snails, and motherfucking puppy dog god damn tails
posted by aydeejones at 5:24 PM on June 25, 2015 [10 favorites]


Brogurt comes in jerky, sriracha and Natty Light flavours.
posted by GuyZero at 5:26 PM on June 25, 2015 [24 favorites]


No, the Marketing Gods decided long ago that yogurt was for women only. If it was for men it would come in half liter squeeze bottles and have barbecue, cheese and booze flavors. Very small serving sizes and fruit flavors mean it's for women.
posted by Kevin Street at 5:27 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


"And then there's YoPlus -- the funnest. yogurt. ever."

omg the dry cleaning lady is the secret Russian spy handler from The Americans...she's really playing the long game!
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:28 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


@sophie_gadd on Twitter:
Women's deodorant scents: rose, cotton, spring, meadow
Men's: WINTER ICE, SHARKNADO, GLACIER PUNCH, ANTIFREEZE, GUN
posted by valrus at 5:29 PM on June 25, 2015 [40 favorites]


Canadian Liberté yogurt isn't aimed at women, at least not women who count calories.

Liberté Méditerranée yogurt is 9% fat and comes in flavours like caramel and white chocolate. It's also amazing.

Fuck you health food.
posted by GuyZero at 5:30 PM on June 25, 2015 [9 favorites]


Brogurt comes in jerky, sriracha and Natty Light flavours.

Speaking of sriracha, I saw yesterday that Rogue has a sriracha beer. It was $30 a bottle. Can anybody provide me with a review? Because as a man I enjoy both the things (sriracha, and beer) that are in this sriracha beer.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:33 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Female gendered dairy cows.

I.... I... there are no words beyond W T F?


It's pretty progressive. Both packages have obviously female cows on them (I mean besides knowing that dairy cows are female, their secondary sex characteristics are prominent), but one is performing gender, specifically for those who want to follow suit.
posted by deathmaven at 5:52 PM on June 25, 2015 [12 favorites]


You know, implying that performing gender is optional.
posted by deathmaven at 5:55 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


Speaking of sriracha, I saw yesterday that Rogue has a sriracha beer. It was $30 a bottle. Can anybody provide me with a review?

My partner has had the Rogue sriracha beer! He reports that it's a good stout with a lot of heat, and that it's really delicious. He cautions that it's pretty spicy and best enjoyed with some sort of heat-quenching foodstuff, like the sort of thing you'd have with hot wings. It's still a pretty accessible beer though - he's not one of those Hot Sauce Guys or someone who puts sriracha on everything. He recommends it, but it only cost us $13 here so ymmv!
posted by dialetheia at 5:55 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


So you're saying the Monterey Jack cows are butch?
posted by Deoridhe at 5:59 PM on June 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Thanks dialetheia!
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:08 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Canadian Liberté yogurt

looks like the ice cream it's okay to eat for dinner. I bet I can't find it in Louisiana, can I?
posted by Night_owl at 6:22 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm a manly fit dude and I love Luna Bars.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:44 PM on June 25, 2015


I don't eat yogurt and I poop just fine. And.....I am a woman. WHAT WITCHERY IS THIS.

Seriously, though, Jamie Lee Curtis is like the patron saint of women dying to poop (or pooping badly? just being gassy? I can't tell). I would think were I an actress that this is not how I would want to be remembered, but I guess she shrugs all the way to the bank.
posted by emjaybee at 6:48 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


Night_owl - I think they have Liberté in Winn Dixie sometimes. I've only ever seen coconut or strawberry.
posted by artychoke at 6:59 PM on June 25, 2015


Jamie Lee Curtis is like the patron saint of women dying to poop (or pooping badly? just being gassy? I can't tell)

Our Lady of the Immaculate Flatus, Patron of Bowel Comfort, Protector of Regularity, Praise be Her Name.
posted by a halcyon day at 7:07 PM on June 25, 2015 [10 favorites]


Seriously, though, Jamie Lee Curtis is like the patron saint of women dying to poop

99% of daytime TV commercials are about women who can't poop.

I wonder if it's because of all the weird food women are told to eat?
posted by phunniemee at 7:11 PM on June 25, 2015 [17 favorites]


You know, it's funny, I swear I never noticed this sort of gendered product pushing until maybe the last time it was brought up here on Mefi. And then I went to Target to buy soap and other household items and noticed (and I guess I realized this before but never really internalized it) that they have the shelves of women's toiletries very separate from the men's stuff. I found myself running back and forth across the store because we only buy one kind of soap and that was in the women's section but my deodorant was in the men's section and then the shampoo was back over with the women's stuff and...

And then I also started noticing it at the grocery store. We don't buy a ton of packaged foods, but we do get the occasional box of granola bars and boxed mac and cheese. And the Lara bars and the Luna bars were on one side of the aisle, and all the others were on the other side of the aisle. And a lot of the other boxed stuff we buy definitely had a "You know, for kids gals!" vibe to them. It was really weird, not in a "eww I'm eating girl stuff" kind of way, but in a "why is this gendered in the first place?" kind of way.

I can't wait until they start gendering the produce. Dainty lettuce for the ladies, maybe artichokes that the leaves can gently be parted to reach the sensitive meaty center. Big, throbbing zucchini and carrots for the men to stroke. You can make salads together!
posted by backseatpilot at 7:17 PM on June 25, 2015 [11 favorites]


Wow, I had no idea I've been eating the wrong cheese all this time. Although it might explain why I prefer work boots to heels and almost never wear dresses....
posted by Beti at 7:24 PM on June 25, 2015


The fun ones are when you look at the few items (particularly the deodorants and soaps) placed calculatingly in between the men's and women's sections that are kind of gender neutral. I recall a few years ago, I was grocery shopping with a guy friend and he worryingly pointed at a thing of Tom's Deodorant wondering if it was for men or women, because if it was for women then nooooo way would he buy it!

Also I've watched those brands start swaying in one direction or the other, but in the case of soaps and deodorants it seems like they always default to being a women's product (I guess by nature of it relating to skin care or something? idk) and there will be a new men's version of it with dark colors and bold fonts and a scent like "MOUNTAIN RUSH" or "SPORT" because, as we all know, men are supposed to smell like mountains and sports.
posted by picklenickle at 7:36 PM on June 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


I didn't realize that Lara bars were suppose to be for women, I've almost always exclusively bought those because they're good. Idk if I buy a lot of gendered products because I quit using deodorant and only used one kind anyway that my girlfriend at the time also used.
posted by gucci mane at 7:36 PM on June 25, 2015


I don't eat yogurt and I poop just fine. And.....I am a woman.

LIAR! Everyone knows women don't poop. Although...that could be a Helen Reddyesque song..."I am woman hear me poop...I am strong, I am regular, I am woman!" If anyone hears that as a woman's yogurt jingle lemme know so I can call my lawyer.
posted by MikeMc at 7:42 PM on June 25, 2015


I remember that Secret deodorant was marketed to women and "pH balanced so it won't change your body chemistry". Nobody has ever elaborated on this.

For that matter, it was never explained what happens if you wore a Playtex 18 hour bra for longer than 18 hours. I thought undergarments didn't usually self destruct.
posted by dr_dank at 7:43 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


and a scent like "MOUNTAIN RUSH" or "SPORT" because, as we all know, men are supposed to smell like mountains and sports.

BEARGLOVE.
posted by phunniemee at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


US Liberte yogurt is different and a lot less awesome. Sorry Americans.
posted by GuyZero at 7:44 PM on June 25, 2015


Special K is marketed at women? What about Grape Nuts? Those are my two go to cereals, because they are delicious.
posted by bswinburn at 7:45 PM on June 25, 2015


Special K is marketed at women? What about Grape Nuts? Those are my two go to cereals, because they are delicious.

Grape Nuts commercials have footage of Edmund Hillary climbing Everest. Grape Nuts boxes have stats about fiber.

Special K commercials have women scowling at donuts and sticking their thumbs in the waistband of their jeans. Special K boxes have tape measures curled up in the shape of hearts.
posted by phunniemee at 7:52 PM on June 25, 2015 [28 favorites]


Is this the thread where I wax nostalgic for Odwalla's discontinued Femme Vitale juice? I still miss that stuff.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 7:55 PM on June 25, 2015


I don't think my breakfast food is processed enough to have a gender.
posted by ryanrs at 8:01 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


BroGurt exists! "Powerful Yogurt" promises that you will "find your inner abs"*. The ad states that it is yogurt "for men, by men" and that it is high in zinc, which "can help a man's fertility".


*: I assume this is not the man page for the C library function abs(3), for which google has some eye catching results.

posted by autopilot at 8:16 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


This makes me miss Sarah Haskins / Target Women
posted by shepard at 8:20 PM on June 25, 2015 [22 favorites]


I remember that Secret deodorant was marketed to women and "pH balanced so it won't change your body chemistry".

Wow, what the hell is that? "Now with less mutagens so you don't turn into a god-damned X-person".
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:37 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


phunniemee: "BEARGLOVE."

I used Old Spice Swagger for a while. I like the way it smells, but they seem to use 10X more fragrance than is required, so it's a little overpowering. It's not as bad as Axe. That stuff reeks.

Old Spice Swagger didn't have any effect on my gait at all.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:38 PM on June 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


One weekend the ex and I were both sick, so we wound up in bed watching a Doctor Who marathon. An Activia commercial played at every single commercial break. After a few hours of this, when it would come on, I'd say to her, "Poop yogurt, Honey." It got to be a thing for us, like the slug bug game, where when either of us saw a commercial or a billboard or just saw the stuff on the shelf in the store or whatever we'd say, "Poop yogurt, Honey," to the other.

Neither one of us has ever actually bought or eaten it.
posted by ob1quixote at 8:43 PM on June 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


My wife uses deodorant that's called secret lavender and it smells like...lavender. It's really hard to tell in the store wtf POWER RUSH is supposed to smell like.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:45 PM on June 25, 2015


(Lara bars are the best, but they don't go on sale as often).

I used to keep stocked on Lara bars, until I found KIND bars. We call them Birdseed bars around the house. They are delicious and gender neutral!
posted by MissySedai at 8:50 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


Anyone else enjoying the comments here as much as the article?
posted by harrietthespy at 9:00 PM on June 25, 2015 [9 favorites]


Shopping at Trader Joe's recently, I couldn't help but notice that the Aria Protein Powder, already pretty damn gendered, suddenly looks like this.
posted by biddeford at 9:02 PM on June 25, 2015


Our Lady of the Immaculate Flatus, Patron of Bowel Comfort, Protector of Regularity, Praise be Her Name.

Hey, is the thread for t-shirt ideas still open?
posted by wenestvedt at 9:19 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also, I'm a manly dude who wears ladies Dove deodorant (cool cucumber breeze or some shit) because it has the same active ingredient, smells less than many shower soaps, and chiefly it doesn't smell like minty scrotum like the crap branded for men.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:31 PM on June 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


Grape Nuts commercials have footage of Edmund Hillary climbing Everest. Grape Nuts boxes have stats about fiber.

They remind me of wild hickory nuts, and what could be more manly than that?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:32 PM on June 25, 2015


I'm still mad my voice didn't drop an octave when I ignored the warning on a mid-2000s Yorkie bar.
posted by town of cats at 9:36 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Luna Bars are definitely the oddest ones. They're no more terrible than any other "meal" bar but they're just such a transparent marketing gimmick. Unless you're eating literally nothing else, I'm pretty sure women can eat CHOCO MAX PROTEIN bars just like dudes do.
Luna bars actually do contain far less sugar than Clif bars (and therefore significantly fewer calories). This maps onto the medical recommendation that women, on average, eat significantly less sugar and fewer calories than men.
posted by kickingtheground at 10:18 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Liberté Méditerranée yogurt is 9% fat and comes in flavours like caramel and white chocolate. It's also amazing.

I was a devotee of the Liberté lemon until Olympic came out with their Krema 11% MF version. Like eating a tub of cheesecake. Now make it in the 1.75 kilo brick.
posted by Lorin at 10:40 PM on June 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


boo_radley: "oh, also: who was it that pointed out that Chapstick is inherently gendered? I thought that was a nice point"

Only in British English, though. The female equivalent is of course a Birdstick, or, in the north, a Lassiestick.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:55 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm in the UK, so have been sampling candy bars (for purely academic reasons). It was therefore with great trepidation that I ate a Yorkie bar, as the label informed me in no certain terms that it was "Man Fuel for Man Stuff." Would I undergo some sort of spontaneous combustion if I ate one prior to doing the vacuuming? Would my user name provide sufficient cover for my gender transgression? Alas, the candy bar was rather less substantial than a Snickers, which suggests over-compensation on the Yorkie's part.
posted by thomas j wise at 11:14 PM on June 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


Nah, the dumbest gimmick in food marketing is putting "gluten free" stickers on apples.

I've also always liked the label banners about how low fat Three Musketeers and York Peppermint Patties are. "Just tons and tons of sugar!"
posted by salvia at 11:14 PM on June 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


If you're looking for dumbness re: gluten free look no further than Blue Ice Vodka.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:25 PM on June 25, 2015


Olympic Krema. OMG.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:25 PM on June 25, 2015


"oh, also: who was it that pointed out that Chapstick is inherently gendered? I thought that was a nice point."

Are chapped lips inherently gendered?
posted by I-baLL at 11:56 PM on June 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah wait why does all modern male deodorant smell either like Aquaman going through puberty or a cake made of taints now? (Sorry I'm a little drunk and starting to get belligerent)
posted by en forme de poire at 1:01 AM on June 26, 2015 [17 favorites]


(but i also really want to know)
posted by en forme de poire at 1:02 AM on June 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


When we have lady-fied cows on our dairy products, then we end up with people who think that cows and bulls are different animals and that cows only have calves with other cows.

Which was what a coworker of mine believed.

STOP THIS ABOMINATION! REMOVE THE NECKLACES AND EYELINER FROM THE COWS!
posted by Katemonkey at 1:15 AM on June 26, 2015 [11 favorites]


town of cats & thomas j wise—Yorkie has been marketed at manly men since the ’70s.
posted by misteraitch at 2:21 AM on June 26, 2015




Yorkie bars used to be enormous. There was no way you could have compared them to snickers bars 15 years ago. It saddens me that they made them smaller. Was never too fond of the "not for girls" nonsense though.

Now it's Kinder Bueno that gets the gender treatment in the chocolate bar aisle over here.
posted by trif at 4:01 AM on June 26, 2015


Bearglove, Foxcrest, Wolfthorn etc... are amusing because they are obvious GoT tie ins. However the Fox one smells amazing.
posted by Phalene at 4:22 AM on June 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


I admit to buying the more "rugged" FiberOne Plus Protien Chilli and Chocolate bars, but that's mainly so I can quietly protest our souless capitalist world by ruining the staff toilet every day at 1:30.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:26 AM on June 26, 2015 [5 favorites]


My wife made me stop using my ladies shampoo products (I like pleasant smells like apricot, rather than the eau d'motor oil of most musky men's scents).
posted by Octaviuz at 4:27 AM on June 26, 2015


This is why we only buy store-brand products. Nothing says unisex like a plain white box with as little graphic design as possible.
posted by lollymccatburglar at 5:30 AM on June 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


....what in the hell would a cake made of taints smell like?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:12 AM on June 26, 2015


There was some milkshake brand in the UK recently that decided to go for the whole let's-pretend-to-mock-sexism-by-actually-being sexist thing, i.e. there was a mustached pilot on the front, helping manly men to "man up against hunger, countering the insight that they feel less manly when they're hungry". So they figured the best way to market this was by big posters declaring their product to be "MAN MILK".

I'm still not entirely sure that that wasn't somehow intentional, but yes, good luck convincing the 1940s-gender-role manly man men of your target audience to go out and get some sweet, sweet creamy man milk down their throats.
posted by eykal at 6:14 AM on June 26, 2015 [5 favorites]


Bearglove, Foxcrest, Wolfthorn etc... are amusing because they are obvious GoT tie ins. However the Fox one smells amazing.
posted by Phalene at 7:22 AM on June 26


I'm a fan of most of the Old Spice deodorant smells. There's one (Amber, I think?) that I really loved the one time I've found it. I will admit that sometimes I just go in and buy the Old Spice deodorant with the dumbest name, because it amuses me. Old Spice's history of being a male gendered product also makes their adoption of absurdly over the top masculinity seem more like a joke than an attempt to segment the market for stupid reasons.

Also old sailing ships are awesome, no matter what gender you're selling to; I would buy basically any product with an old sailing ship on it.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:18 AM on June 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


(actually I can't find a picture of said poster, so I may have been imagining/confusing it with their "Lait d'homme", which is merely amusing to immature people like myself who know basic French and read it too literally)
posted by eykal at 6:21 AM on June 26, 2015 [3 favorites]


The frozen lunch calorie thing drives me NUTS.

Facts of my life: I cannot make it 6-8 hours on 200 calories; eating such a lunch is virtually guaranteeing that I will make irrational and poor food choices in the late afternoon. I am the type of person (busy, distracted, whatever) who wants a solution for lunch in one package; I'm not going to shop for, maintain supplies, assemble and then clean after a 4-component lunch, of which a frozen box is one. I want lunch in a box, simple, done. If I only wanted to eat 200 calories, I'd eat a bar and be done. And still hungry.

Facts of the grocery store: there is an entire aisle full of frozen lunches, the vast majority of which are ~200 calories. Because we're all on diets ... ?

I've been sticking with Amy's bowls and Evol bowls. But still have to watch out for the stupid "diet" lunch thing.
posted by Dashy at 8:20 AM on June 26, 2015 [4 favorites]


....what in the hell would a cake made of taints smell like?

vanilla locker room
posted by en forme de poire at 9:18 AM on June 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is one of the reasons I come to MetaFilter: every day I learn something new.
I've seen Luna bars for years now, but had no idea they were for women. Same with Liberté.
Maybe if I'd bought one and eaten it, it would have tasted somehow...wrong?
I think I've eaten Liberté. I know my wife likes it, so maybe that should have been a clue.

The thing that struck me most about that article is seeing all those empty wrappers. That's as sad as looking at all my empty Diet MtDew cans awaiting to be returned.
posted by MtDewd at 9:48 AM on June 26, 2015



Grape Nuts commercials have footage of Edmund Hillary climbing Everest. Grape Nuts boxes have stats about fiber.

Special K commercials have women scowling at donuts and sticking their thumbs in the waistband of their jeans. Special K boxes have tape measures curled up in the shape of hearts.


So, I guess my perfect cereal would be marketed by having Edmund Hillary sticking his thumb in his jeans scowling at a tape measure made out of donuts shaped like Everest.

Looking forward to it! Or I would be if everything wasn't adblocked and DVR skipped.
posted by bswinburn at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2015


I like Luna bars, but they're too sweet to eat regularly. I've switched out to keeping nuts and raisins in a ziplock bag in my office, and the occasional Mojo bar (which have sugar but at least they appear less processed than most of the bar-type-food).
posted by suelac at 3:04 PM on June 26, 2015


bswinburn: "So, I guess my perfect cereal would be marketed by having Edmund Hillary sticking his thumb in his jeans scowling at a tape measure made out of donuts shaped like Everest."

They could make a 2016 special edition called "Hillary '16"
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 8:33 PM on June 26, 2015


« Older Wesley Morris Eviscerates Seth MacFarlane's Ted 2   |   "This is free. I want the poorest children to take... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments