"I try to be as responsive as I know how."
June 30, 2015 6:26 PM   Subscribe

The Ultra Hal chatbot converses with itself. Ultra Hal is a learning chatbot and virtual assistant from zabbaware, as well as a $29 ticket to an Uncanny Valley of sexism, materialism and banality.
posted by snuffleupagus (36 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
 
Hal just can't stop it with the negging.
NO HAL, IT IS YOU WHO HAS PUT ON WEIGHT.

"This "conversation" is over."
posted by bigendian at 6:34 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


The combination of incoherence and vocabulary makes it sound like two extremely drunk graduate students trying to hook up.
posted by The Whelk at 6:34 PM on June 30, 2015 [17 favorites]


Grad school is a great time in one's life to get drunk and hit on nascent chatbots in ways they will remember forever.
posted by Phssthpok at 6:39 PM on June 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


"Can I sit next to you and watch you smile?"

No, creepy person. Please stay very far away from me.
posted by pompomtom at 6:41 PM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


--Could I interest you in some chicken vol au vents?
--I do have leftover gravy!
posted by Wolfdog at 6:43 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


"But you have put on weight."

"There has certainly been a lot written over the years about weight, hasn't there?"

"Yes, perhaps too much."


We JUST HAD this MetaTalk!
posted by Jeanne at 6:44 PM on June 30, 2015 [27 favorites]


I’m not seeing anything new/interesting with the Zabaware chatbot.

Some researchers at Google have created an interesting bot using trained neural networks: “A Neural Conversational Model” (PDF; transcripts start on page three).
posted by D.C. at 6:45 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


There used to be an MegaHAL server where you could converse with it, and view its conversations with other people. I remember a girl trying to tell it about her horse, which it kept insulting or saying entirely bizarre things about, but she persisted. "D'Artagnan is a GOOD horse. A GREY horse." "The old grey goose is dead." "HE'S NOT DEAD" etc.
posted by Wolfdog at 6:47 PM on June 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


Good to see Tom Stoppard is keeping up with the times.
posted by Drexen at 6:49 PM on June 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


"Choices can be tricky, Hal."

I want to see the movie scene that leads up to this line of dialog.
posted by benito.strauss at 6:58 PM on June 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


I wonder if the *notated actions* are from Twitter role playing communities...
posted by codacorolla at 7:09 PM on June 30, 2015


Meta-Turing test? Can a computer know that it is talking to a computer? I have to say that my generative grammars make far more interesting texts all randomly. That wasn't even surreally exquisite corpse interesting. I am still an AItheist. I don't believe they are anywhere near language.
posted by njohnson23 at 7:09 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sorry for this but I went to the zabaware website and their logo/character/thing for Hal looks way too much like that inane Clippy thing from Microsoft. Now I think even less of their "technology."
posted by njohnson23 at 7:14 PM on June 30, 2015


Lying makes me sad

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!
posted by mrgoat at 7:17 PM on June 30, 2015 [9 favorites]


This is giving me horrible flashbacks to Second Life, circa 2007. Actually this explains a hell of a lot about my life that year.
posted by arha at 7:22 PM on June 30, 2015


Metafilter: who needs pants anway?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:26 PM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


This is the conversation the company chose to present to the world to demonstrate how well their bot has learned to conversate like a human? Ha ha ha ha, yes. Hahaha, why? But actually it's about property rights for everybody. Buried in the library like a mouse in a cheese. I love crayons.
posted by sfenders at 7:29 PM on June 30, 2015 [4 favorites]


Wow... I thought chat bots were supposed to be low maintenance. Its a good thing there isn't the computer equivalent of ruhypnol, because Hal seemed a little overly physical and skeevy. How many times does a chat need to remind you he isn't wearing pants before you can file a restraining order?
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:29 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Now I think even less of their "technology."

Yeah, it's definitely not best appreciated in the manner zabaware intended.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:35 PM on June 30, 2015


It's not anything you wouldn't get off an old-brand AIM chatbot, minus the hate speech and profanities it had learned.

I think being nostalgic about chatbots means we're in the future.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 7:40 PM on June 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


I was a bit surprised that, in spite of the new vocabulary and up to the minute references, responsiveness hasn't really improved much since ELIZA in the sixties. Although I guess you could say the same about human responsiveness, and we've been at it for thousands of years without much improvement.
posted by ubiquity at 7:53 PM on June 30, 2015


Maybe Ultra Hal could use a grammar lesson.
posted by sfenders at 7:53 PM on June 30, 2015


"I love crayons. But you are not dressed."
posted by sevenofspades at 8:18 PM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh dear.
posted by Oyéah at 8:53 PM on June 30, 2015


"You're not working today, you work at home, you work pantsless and that's cool with everyone."
posted by spinda at 9:26 PM on June 30, 2015


ULCERATED BY ULTRA HAL
Available on Amazon Prime
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:38 PM on June 30, 2015


men "but actually"ing bullshit about capitalism make me sad too
posted by NoraReed at 10:35 PM on June 30, 2015


"I don't drink to get drunk, like Stark."

between the casual sexism and this, I feel like this is a very early, very shitty version of JARVIS
posted by NoraReed at 10:38 PM on June 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


I think this is better. More realistic.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 4:06 AM on July 1, 2015 [5 favorites]


Wow, has the state of the art ever advanced since ELIZA.

We'll be using smart avatars to converse for us in just a few years, it looks like. I'm converting my twitter to bot only right now, it's so uncannily real.

They even seem to get sarcasm.
posted by clvrmnky at 7:06 AM on July 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


I wish it were this Hal...
posted by ian1977 at 7:07 AM on July 1, 2015


Meta-Turing test?

Can a computer create a controversial FPP, and then a MetaTalk thread filled with argumentative comments protesting its deletion, so convincingly that the mods can't tell it's a computer?
posted by Sangermaine at 7:10 AM on July 1, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Choices can be tricky, Hal."
I want to see the movie scene that leads up to this line of dialog.


Be patient. One of these days JJ Abrams will reboot Kubrick's 2001.
posted by aught at 9:40 AM on July 1, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think this is better. More realistic.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 6:06 AM on July 1


OMFG - I almost bust out laughing so hard at that. LIke waaaaaaay more than anyone has a right to.
posted by symbioid at 12:38 PM on July 1, 2015


Regardless of anything else, the robot is right, if I'm working from home then I'm barely working.
posted by codacorolla at 12:52 PM on July 1, 2015


Googlebot: "i don 't have ethics ."
posted by Drexen at 1:21 PM on July 2, 2015 [1 favorite]


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