low-tech mind control
July 3, 2015 3:59 PM Subscribe
George Orwell, human resources and the English language | "Had he been alive today, George Orwell – the great opponent and satirist of totalitarianism – would have deplored the bureaucratic repression of HR. He would have hated their blind loyalty to power, their unquestioning faithfulness to process, their abhorrence of anything or anyone deviating from the mean. In particular, Orwell would have utterly despised the language that HR people use..."
Just to get it out of my system:
Orwell's Politics and the English Language is a beautifully written language crime, though it pretends to lay down the law. Furthermore I just noticed that its final law is rather curious. We'll get to that shortly.
Just to get it out of my system:
Orwell's Politics and the English Language is a beautifully written language crime, though it pretends to lay down the law. Furthermore I just noticed that its final law is rather curious. We'll get to that shortly.
My experience in small companies mirrors Brocktoons. Having said that, the taste of my experience with HR while working for a medium-sized municipality still fouls my palate.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 4:24 PM on July 3, 2015
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 4:24 PM on July 3, 2015
George Orwell, human resources
I'd read this webcomic.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:28 PM on July 3, 2015 [12 favorites]
I'd read this webcomic.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:28 PM on July 3, 2015 [12 favorites]
I'm working in HR now, for a nonprofit. It couldn't be any more unlike what the article describes - they actually have a 4-week vacation policy for entry level people, they have a ton of educational benefits and offers, they have a hotline for people who need legal, mental, and emotional counseling, and if you work for a year and then quit, but then get rehired two years later, they count that earlier year in your employment history when calculating benefits.
That said, I used to be an admin in the financial industry and I would TOTALLY see this being the case there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:44 PM on July 3, 2015
That said, I used to be an admin in the financial industry and I would TOTALLY see this being the case there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:44 PM on July 3, 2015
I put anti-HR articles like this in the Sand class add those that complain about how oppressive democracy is, and wouldn't it be better if we had a monarchy?
posted by happyroach at 5:03 PM on July 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by happyroach at 5:03 PM on July 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Next up: Why Tom Parsons Is The Most Contemptible Character In Nineteen Eighty-Four.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:09 PM on July 3, 2015
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:09 PM on July 3, 2015
This article seems to miss the mark and blame HR for things that are not HR's domain.
posted by humanfont at 5:17 PM on July 3, 2015
posted by humanfont at 5:17 PM on July 3, 2015
Human resources is the entire bureaucracy. Human resources has always been the entire bureaucracy. We have always been at war with human resources.
posted by langtonsant at 5:20 PM on July 3, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by langtonsant at 5:20 PM on July 3, 2015 [17 favorites]
It's an English article, so maybe HR in England is more "twenty-seven-b-stroke-six" and less "we're making sure your state's overtime laws are followed"?
posted by vogon_poet at 5:50 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by vogon_poet at 5:50 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
HR aside, I must come to the defense of Orwell's "Politics and the English Language". Orwell's essay gives several great examples of what he is talking about. I love the translation of Ecclesiastes into "Objective consideration of contemporary phenomena compels the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities is not commensurate with innate capacity but rather that a certain amount of the unpredictable must be taken into account." Or on using metaphors without thinking, he provides: "The fascist octopus has sung its swan song." The rebuttal to Orwell here goes through his "rules", objecting that there are exceptions, and then, when in the end Orwell admits that there are exceptions, quibbles over whether this presents a Liar's Paradox. Maybe overuse of computer metaphor is a modern failing Orwell hadn't anticipated: this essay reads him as establishing "defaults" and a "meta-rule" instead of rules that were meant to be followed by human beings to write more clearly and not code for a grammar engine.
posted by Schmucko at 6:10 PM on July 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Schmucko at 6:10 PM on July 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
I always thought media depictions of HR as heartless bureaucratic killjoys and the accompanying articles like these were part of the endless campaign by owners to convince workers to fuck themselves by crippling their protections.
Like how there's endless popular demonization of unions, regulations, and litigation.
A good worker should shut up and take what they get, and mistrust anyone trying to look out for them or anything that could give them leverage. HR sucks, we don't need them watching for labor and other violations, right? And those regulations are evil anyway. And lawsuits to enforce your rights are for losers. And unions are basically thugs, ignore them.
posted by Sangermaine at 6:15 PM on July 3, 2015 [14 favorites]
Like how there's endless popular demonization of unions, regulations, and litigation.
A good worker should shut up and take what they get, and mistrust anyone trying to look out for them or anything that could give them leverage. HR sucks, we don't need them watching for labor and other violations, right? And those regulations are evil anyway. And lawsuits to enforce your rights are for losers. And unions are basically thugs, ignore them.
posted by Sangermaine at 6:15 PM on July 3, 2015 [14 favorites]
Orwell would have despised the passive constructions that are the HR department’s default setting. [...] Try to question whether an ill-judged commitment could be reversed? HR apologises meekly that the decision has been made.
The only time I've even considered this kind of language is when the guy who drank whiskey at lunch every day and feel asleep while operating a forklift was begging me to keep his job.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:22 PM on July 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
The only time I've even considered this kind of language is when the guy who drank whiskey at lunch every day and feel asleep while operating a forklift was begging me to keep his job.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:22 PM on July 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
...the guy who drank whiskey at lunch every day...
I remember being advised at my last job that if I ever thought my job was in jeopardy... To start bringing a bottle of booze to work, keep it in my desk, and drink from it all day long. As long as I acknowledged I had a problem and needed counseling, they couldn't fire me - because I had a medical condition.
It did get to the point where I knew I was about to be let go (a massive firing spree in the company as they downsized) and I couldn't bring myself to using this technique - partly because it was some bullshit, but also I hated the job and was happy to leave.
But now that I give the matter some thought, having worked in companies tiny and massive and in-between...
The quality of HR is inversely proportional to the size of the organization.
posted by el io at 6:50 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
I remember being advised at my last job that if I ever thought my job was in jeopardy... To start bringing a bottle of booze to work, keep it in my desk, and drink from it all day long. As long as I acknowledged I had a problem and needed counseling, they couldn't fire me - because I had a medical condition.
It did get to the point where I knew I was about to be let go (a massive firing spree in the company as they downsized) and I couldn't bring myself to using this technique - partly because it was some bullshit, but also I hated the job and was happy to leave.
But now that I give the matter some thought, having worked in companies tiny and massive and in-between...
The quality of HR is inversely proportional to the size of the organization.
posted by el io at 6:50 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
...part of the endless campaign by owners to convince workers to fuck themselves by crippling their protections.
HR works for the owners.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 7:15 PM on July 3, 2015 [11 favorites]
HR works for the owners.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 7:15 PM on July 3, 2015 [11 favorites]
In any large organization, HR is for management what the front line call center is for the rest of the employees. They're the one way interface that policy flows out through, and that is there to screen the shit that flows back as a result.
The problem occurs once the organization grows large enough that hiring and firing can't be left up to the local team leads. Then HR policies have to be put in place, and HR transforms from "Administrators who handle the interface between the company and the insurance companies/relevant government agencies", and are working largely for the employees to "People who administrate the HR policies set by management" and therefore have a completely different set of priorities.
It doesn't help that HR, like accountants, and lawyers are usually in a role of a) not being directly involved in or skilled at the company's core business and b) telling people no, you can't do that because $reason that person had not considered.
posted by Grimgrin at 7:25 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
The problem occurs once the organization grows large enough that hiring and firing can't be left up to the local team leads. Then HR policies have to be put in place, and HR transforms from "Administrators who handle the interface between the company and the insurance companies/relevant government agencies", and are working largely for the employees to "People who administrate the HR policies set by management" and therefore have a completely different set of priorities.
It doesn't help that HR, like accountants, and lawyers are usually in a role of a) not being directly involved in or skilled at the company's core business and b) telling people no, you can't do that because $reason that person had not considered.
posted by Grimgrin at 7:25 PM on July 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Leave accrual". One of my favourite phrases. "We've pro-rated your leave." Bastards!
posted by sneebler at 9:27 PM on July 3, 2015
posted by sneebler at 9:27 PM on July 3, 2015
A while ago, the small company I worked for was acquired by a mid-sized bay area company. I went there for a 3 day intensive managerial training. The keynote speaker was the VP of HR. His message was: "HR is there to protect the company; You are the only one who looks after your interests; Act accordingly". He left the company soon afterwards.
posted by nightwood at 9:35 PM on July 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by nightwood at 9:35 PM on July 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
I remember being advised at my last job that if I ever thought my job was in jeopardy... To start bringing a bottle of booze to work, keep it in my desk, and drink from it all day long. As long as I acknowledged I had a problem and needed counseling, they couldn't fire me - because I had a medical condition.
Hadn't heard that one before. I know the common wisdom around here is that if someone catches you sleeping in your chair, the first thing you say when you open your eyes is "Amen."
It's been tried, though, and doesn't work.
posted by ctmf at 9:54 PM on July 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
Hadn't heard that one before. I know the common wisdom around here is that if someone catches you sleeping in your chair, the first thing you say when you open your eyes is "Amen."
It's been tried, though, and doesn't work.
posted by ctmf at 9:54 PM on July 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
At the evil multinational I used to work for, the single most egregious edict from HR was the ban on plants in the office based on a single manager's bizarre objection to them. But they couldn't just say that. Instead it was a matter of health and safety, because a plant on a desk might trigger hayfever. There was a memo.
I wish I was making this up.
posted by xchmp at 10:03 PM on July 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
I wish I was making this up.
posted by xchmp at 10:03 PM on July 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have never had a problem with an HR department as an employee, but the byzantine/labyrinthine hiring processes I've gone through when applying to government jobs or other positions with many layers of bureaucracy? Yikes. (Not the HR departments' fault, I'm sure, but it's still deeply alienating and discouraging and sometimes antagonistic.)
posted by mirepoix at 12:35 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mirepoix at 12:35 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here are excerpts from emails on similar subjects from the HR departments at my current job at a small IT company and my last job at a multinational pharmaceutical company. Can you tell which one is which?
Parking areas are provided for the use of employees while working and conducting company business. Parking passes are provided and must be displayed on the employee's vehicle at all times. Employees may only park in areas designated by the authorization level of their parking pass...
vs.
Does anyone know who owns the white Oldsmobile in the parking lot with the flat tire? It hasn't moved in two weeks. If you do know, please tell them to move it. We'll have to tow it if it isn't gone by noon tomorrow.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
Parking areas are provided for the use of employees while working and conducting company business. Parking passes are provided and must be displayed on the employee's vehicle at all times. Employees may only park in areas designated by the authorization level of their parking pass...
vs.
Does anyone know who owns the white Oldsmobile in the parking lot with the flat tire? It hasn't moved in two weeks. If you do know, please tell them to move it. We'll have to tow it if it isn't gone by noon tomorrow.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:48 AM on July 4, 2015 [2 favorites]
At my last job, we had a good local HR department - heavy-drinkin', hard-workin' foul-mouthed women who knew the score - but the ones in HQ an ocean and a continent away were bizarrely incompetent, and one tried to simply avoid having them have anything to do with you. I remember being hauled over the coals for not only being cynical but encouraging cynicism among the troops: I tried to explain that no, that wasn't cynicism but scepticism and that the company really wanted its journalists to be sceptical. "But cynicism and scepticism are the same thing, aren't they?" said HR.
I suppose it is hard to maintain the façade that Thou Shalt Eat It All Up when you're the front-line dispensers of the usual corporate internal bullshit, but you're HRing a bunch of people whose actual job is calling bullshit on exactly this. Certainly, the local HRs long ago decided to be complicit with the rest of the local company and collude in ignoring the higher grades of stupidity that came down from on high. We knew not to scare the straights at head office.
In fact, the longer I live the more I suspect the natural state of any effective department within a large organisation is to conspire with fellow travellers to delude and defraud the body politic, in order to get some bloody work done.
posted by Devonian at 5:00 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
I suppose it is hard to maintain the façade that Thou Shalt Eat It All Up when you're the front-line dispensers of the usual corporate internal bullshit, but you're HRing a bunch of people whose actual job is calling bullshit on exactly this. Certainly, the local HRs long ago decided to be complicit with the rest of the local company and collude in ignoring the higher grades of stupidity that came down from on high. We knew not to scare the straights at head office.
In fact, the longer I live the more I suspect the natural state of any effective department within a large organisation is to conspire with fellow travellers to delude and defraud the body politic, in order to get some bloody work done.
posted by Devonian at 5:00 AM on July 4, 2015 [3 favorites]
The problem occurs once the organization grows large enough that hiring and firing can't be left up to the local team leads.--Grimgrin
I think the problem occurs when a company thinks it is too large to allow hiring and firing to be left up to the local team leads. Any organization wants to grow and be powerful. When companies get large sometimes upper management gets overwhelmed and starts managing the bureaucracy rather than the business itself. HR, accounting, and lawyers see this as an opportunity to grab power.
I've learned the heard way to stay far away from companies where these three functions are groups that separate the employees from upper management when they shouldn't be anything more than sideline services that support management and employees and can be quickly dropped and replaced when they start to get in the way of doing business.
posted by eye of newt at 7:46 AM on July 4, 2015
I think the problem occurs when a company thinks it is too large to allow hiring and firing to be left up to the local team leads. Any organization wants to grow and be powerful. When companies get large sometimes upper management gets overwhelmed and starts managing the bureaucracy rather than the business itself. HR, accounting, and lawyers see this as an opportunity to grab power.
I've learned the heard way to stay far away from companies where these three functions are groups that separate the employees from upper management when they shouldn't be anything more than sideline services that support management and employees and can be quickly dropped and replaced when they start to get in the way of doing business.
posted by eye of newt at 7:46 AM on July 4, 2015
Orwell would have despised the passive constructions that are the HR department’s default setting. Want some flexibility in your contract? HR says company policy is unable to support that. Forgotten to accede to some arbitrary and impractical office rule? HR says we are minded to ask everyone to remember that it is essential to comply by rule X. Try to question whether an ill-judged commitment could be reversed? HR apologises meekly that the decision has been made.
Not giving subjects to any of these responses is a deliberate ploy. Subjects give ownership. They imbue accountability. Not giving sentences subjects means that HR is passing the buck, but to no one in particular. And with no subject, no one can be blamed, or protested against.
This is just bullshit. The first example has a subject: "company policy." So does the second. In the final example, you could supply the accountability without any change in the passive construction: "the decision has been made by our CEO, Charles Passivevoice."
posted by layceepee at 8:02 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not giving subjects to any of these responses is a deliberate ploy. Subjects give ownership. They imbue accountability. Not giving sentences subjects means that HR is passing the buck, but to no one in particular. And with no subject, no one can be blamed, or protested against.
This is just bullshit. The first example has a subject: "company policy." So does the second. In the final example, you could supply the accountability without any change in the passive construction: "the decision has been made by our CEO, Charles Passivevoice."
posted by layceepee at 8:02 AM on July 4, 2015 [1 favorite]
Just curious... how many people commenting in this thread have ever been laid off before? Not fired, but made redundant?
posted by Nevin at 9:08 AM on July 4, 2015
posted by Nevin at 9:08 AM on July 4, 2015
Nevin: "Just curious... how many people commenting in this thread have ever been laid off before? Not fired, but made redundant?"
I've been laid off. I'm not so sure what you mean about the redundant part.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:11 PM on July 4, 2015
I've been laid off. I'm not so sure what you mean about the redundant part.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:11 PM on July 4, 2015
I'm not so sure what you mean about the redundant part.
Made redundant = British for laid off.
posted by immlass at 4:13 PM on July 4, 2015
Made redundant = British for laid off.
posted by immlass at 4:13 PM on July 4, 2015
Every white collar worker in the U.S. of A gets laid off more than once in their career.
posted by monotreme at 11:26 PM on July 4, 2015
posted by monotreme at 11:26 PM on July 4, 2015
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posted by Brocktoon at 4:11 PM on July 3, 2015 [27 favorites]