You Get One Minute. Use It Well.

July 8, 2015 1:44 AM

The Most Exclusive Website only gives full access to one person at a time for one minute. You take a 'ticket' at the 'lobby' and wait your turn. It's like a virtual deli counter, but with much higher numbers. Of course, it's on a current list of "10 Completely Useless Websites" (which is, itself, a rather useless list).

SPOILER: I got ticket #500010 (I got there when it was at 499,8xx and joined a group pre-waiting for the 500,000 to turn over) and waited less time than I expected. (You can leave it in an open browser window and check back occasionally.) I noticed that the gap between the current ticket number when I checked in and my number was several times the constantly updated 'people in line' count, showing that most of the visitors just quit waiting. When I did get my minute inside the inner sanctum... well, the payoff was rather appropriate for The Internet, so consider yourself warned and don't tell ME you're disappointed.

posted by oneswellfoop (29 comments total)

This is nothing, my website often has only one visitor.
posted by Segundus at 1:47 AM on July 8, 2015 [8 favorites]

Bury me with my money
posted by hellojed at 1:51 AM on July 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

Have they managed not to push the red button yet?
posted by hippybear at 1:51 AM on July 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

This button?
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:03 AM on July 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

So voat.co, basically, except for hipsters instead of ex-redditors?
posted by effbot at 2:21 AM on July 8, 2015

Any list of useless websites not including ZOMBO.COM is inadequate.
posted by LtRegBarclay at 3:48 AM on July 8, 2015 [7 favorites]

This would be a great way to do A/B testing to see the differences in queueing behaviour based on how much information people are given -- i.e. are people less likely to drop out if they're shown an estimated wait time or how many people are in front of them.

For the record, all I'm seeing is my ticket number, the current ticket number, and the total number of people in line.
posted by penguinicity at 3:57 AM on July 8, 2015 [3 favorites]

Any list of useless websites not including ZOMBO.COM is inadequate.

Now in HTML5!
posted by flabdablet at 6:46 AM on July 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, you all have to wait to get in? I just go right in but of course I've got VIP access, you have to know the right people and pay the monthly fee of course, it's totally worth it
posted by dubitable at 6:52 AM on July 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Might I suggest The Useless Web?
posted by lagomorphius at 6:55 AM on July 8, 2015

I came in for the Zombo joke. How much do you think the Zombo proprietors have paid over the years in bandwidth to keep the joke alive?
posted by Mid at 7:07 AM on July 8, 2015

LtRegBarclay: "Any list of useless websites not including ZOMBO.COM is inadequate."

That's because it's not useless. You can do anything at ZOMBO.COM. Anything at all.
posted by RobotHero at 8:08 AM on July 8, 2015 [7 favorites]

So is the number of people in line the number of people that currently have the website open and waiting? I think I'm ahead of some of those people, but I dunno if firefox will crash because of memory leaks before I get in there...

This is going to take a while

Oh wait, the FPP does answer my question. Also, my solution is to get a new ticket in a Chrome window and leave that up...
posted by numaner at 8:58 AM on July 8, 2015

This button?

Do you have to keep tapping like that, you bloated sack of protoplasm?!
posted by slkinsey at 9:01 AM on July 8, 2015

I assume I'm currently waiting as many as 8000 minutes to get Rick Rolled.

Also, I just saw the first person using the 'name' field to induce people to follow them on Twitter for a VIP shortcut entry into the most exclusive website. I never thought of using it as an advertising opportunity.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:19 AM on July 8, 2015

I opened this up earlier in the morning, left the tab open, forgot about it, went back and realized I missed it... So I got in line again.
posted by mayonnaises at 9:34 AM on July 8, 2015

There was a server outage or something just now, the number of people in line jumped down to ~970, I'm getting closer!
posted by numaner at 9:40 AM on July 8, 2015

Crap, i just realized I'd have to come back to my computer at work at around 4 AM...
posted by numaner at 9:41 AM on July 8, 2015

That list needs more poop dot bike.
posted by the dief at 10:55 AM on July 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also Giant Bat Farts.

lagomorphius, your uselessness portal is a wonderful resource, but Eel Slap clearly doesn't belong on it.
posted by flabdablet at 12:07 PM on July 8, 2015

I took a ticket this morning and left the window open. When I came back, it had broken, so I hit reload and lost my place in line. I guess the most exclusive website doesn't have cookies.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:55 PM on July 8, 2015

That best dinosaur website is wrong. The best dinosaur is Parasaurolophus. It looked cool and sounded cool.

Also, once when I had the procrastinations really bad I watched all the versions of Dan Telfer's best dinosaur routine to see if he ever addressed the Parasaurolophus. And, as my will to procrastinate was flagging, I found it! He had made fun of the Parasaurolophus and it was a weak-ass burn because clearly, you cannot burn something as awesome as the Parasaurolophus.

Anyway, that's, I guess, the long way to say that I'm exactly the kind of person who'll waste my time on something like the Most Exclusive Website.
posted by Kattullus at 2:26 PM on July 8, 2015

Dammit, I'm only about 750 tickets away (which judging by how quickly it's gone so far means roughly an hour's extra wait) but it's 2 am and sleep is more compelling than finding out what's on the other side.

Oh well, I guess I'll just reload and sign up for another ticket.
posted by Kattullus at 4:00 PM on July 8, 2015

I'd rather blindly comment on metafilter.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:51 PM on July 8, 2015

I actually got in earlier this afternoon, and it was so disappointing, I'm gonna go ahead and spoil the surprise.

There was a line of text that said "Do you want to shut down the NY Stock Exchange? Click Yes." So I clicked it and not a goddamn thing happened. The site is bullshit.
posted by neroli at 6:36 PM on July 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also Giant Bat Farts.

Our cat LOVES Giant Bat Farts. It is her favorite site. When she hears it, she runs from the other side of the room to watch it and bat at the screen.
posted by chainsofreedom at 6:22 AM on July 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

23527113 minutes were spent waiting to be exclusive...that's 44.73 years

what
posted by tehloki at 1:45 PM on July 10, 2015

If you go now, the wait is only about an hour.

It is definitely not worth it.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:55 AM on August 6, 2015

I was there over the weekend and only had to wait for like 1 person, like 30 seconds! I enjoyed my time there.
posted by numaner at 11:31 AM on August 6, 2015