Twelve Dollars

July 10, 2015 11:51 AM

Whether it’s a barbecue or a bonfire, there’s nothing quite like a cold one when it’s hot outside. Here are 11 delicious craft brews to check out this season.
posted by griphus (161 comments total)

Listen, if the sriracha beer is anywhere near as good as New Glarus' Strawberry Jam, I'm in.

IT TASTES LIKE A STICKY, FRESHLY BAKED PIE WITH LIKE $18 OF FARMER'S MARKET BERRIES IN IT, OK
posted by Juliet Banana at 11:55 AM on July 10, 2015

Semi-related: Craft Brewing Has a Sexism Problem [Slate]
posted by Fizz at 11:56 AM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

I can confirm that some of these are sincere ideas I've heard raised by people who should know better.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:02 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

This list could really use brewery names. Not entirely clear on what to do with some of these except a blind search.

That said, I'm looking forward to Odell's "Oops! All Berries" and might pick some up on the way home if I can find it. Should suit my air-conditioning-free lifestyle well.
posted by asperity at 12:03 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Took me until #7 to be prodded into looking up to see where this was posted. God damnit.
posted by conorh at 12:04 PM on July 10, 2015 [16 favorites]

Here's a more serious list of beers that one might drink on a hot day. Personally I tend to reach for a tasty pilsner, but I can acknowledge that hops are king these days.

I can confirm that Notch Left of the Dial, 21st Down to Earth and Lagunitas Day Time are really tasty. I wasn't quite as wild about Founder's All Day or Stone Go To for whatever reason.
posted by selfnoise at 12:06 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

I made it to Deeply Unpleasant Extra Hoppy before realizing it was on Clickhole. Still, I'd pop a cold Zoboomafoo.
posted by kikaider01 at 12:07 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

"Twelve Dollars" is my favorite fake beer name of all time. Of all time!

That sexism link Fizz posted was obnoxious and irritating until it got to the part about Sierra Nevada's "Nooner," then it was just depressing. Depressing because "Nooner" is such a perfectly corny yet semi-naughty thing to call a beer, and every time people decry feminists for hating fun and sex I just think, "maybe we would be more down with sexy things if the sex was portrayed as fun and consensual instead of objectifying, cruel, and manipulative?" Like "Nooner" I can get down with, "Panty Dropper" I cannot. Sex can be fun, you guys.
posted by easter queen at 12:09 PM on July 10, 2015 [12 favorites]

A Sriracha beer, you say?
posted by KGMoney at 12:10 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oops! All Berries Summer Shandy

I was trying to reference Cap'n Crunch Oops! All Berries to mrs ozzy a few weeks ago. I assumed she had heard of it. She had not. It turned into me yelling OOPS! ALL! BERRIES! across the house. It didn't help.

Also my summer jam right now is the otherwise-problematic Flying Dog's Dead Rise. It's Old Bay flavored. It's so refreshing.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:15 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

Had Rogue's sriracha stout at their Newport brewery before the bottles were released. Maybe they changed the recipe since then but… a misstep. I don't trust sriracha in beer.
posted by conorh at 12:15 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm confused, easter queen. The piece says

Sex and sexism aren’t the same thing, which is why there’s nothing wrong with Sierra Nevada calling its new pilsner Nooner. Go ahead and evoke consensual, mutually beneficial daytime screwin’ all you like.

What was depressing about that?
posted by Slothrup at 12:18 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Semi-related: Craft Brewing Has a Sexism Problem [Slate]

To be more equal they should use beer names that make everyone unhappy, like "Tripping in Public", "Being Unappreciated at Work", or "Long Uncomfortable Dinner with Relatives".
posted by Sangermaine at 12:24 PM on July 10, 2015 [18 favorites]

What was supposed to be a relaxing 2 day work week turned into fairly hectic week for me, I got back from work today and am more than pleased to find my SO* had left the following for me: A Shepherd Neame Double Stout, a Bay's Devon Dumpling, a Bath Ales Golden Hare and a decent Porter. They all sound better than most of what's on this list. It sounds like what you would get if you let kids have free reign with everything in the kitchen. Shandy doesn't have berries in for god's sake.

*(Hurray for my SO!)
posted by biffa at 12:27 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

As a roundup this is okay, but I'm surprised they left out Sex Word With A Letter Changed and the new Rogue seasonal, Literally Just A Soggy Donut Inside A Bottle.
posted by cortex at 12:30 PM on July 10, 2015 [39 favorites]

What was depressing about that?

Well, I did explain it literally in my very next sentence... but my point was that "Nooner" was so good natured and fun that I wish all/most "edgy," sexual humor could be that way, instead of most of it being exploitative, misogynist and gross (and straight male-centric).
posted by easter queen at 12:31 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

The give away for me was that the names and styles didn't match up with the breweries they picked. It's like if you had a list making fun of a Classic Rock station and had songs like: Cheap Cars and Fast Women by the Beatles; Have you ever looked at your hand? by Led Zeppelin; and When Thor Fought Gollum by ACDC.
posted by Gygesringtone at 12:31 PM on July 10, 2015 [12 favorites]

12 dollars is what they call a Bud Lite in Downtown DC.

_{no, a Rogue beer that's a gimmicky mess where they spent more time on the branding and label than making it drinkable? get out of town, I can't believe that Rogue would make a terrible beer for assholes. please stop pulling my leg.}
posted by codacorolla at 12:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

and the new Rogue seasonal, Literally Just A Soggy Donut Inside A Bottle

Ahahahahahahahah.

Hoo, boy. And let's not forget Oskar Blues' latest, Totally Pretty Sessionable, for a Solution of Blended Hops in Everclear.
posted by brennen at 12:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [13 favorites]

Gygesringtone, I noted the same.

It's also missing "Unassailable Fucktard" the imperial and "Drink It and Move On", the session ale.
posted by a halcyon day at 12:37 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

I prefer Dogfish Head's Empty Bottle Filled with Hops.
posted by blahblahblah at 12:37 PM on July 10, 2015 [11 favorites]

... I would totally still drink a Crunch Berries beer. And now to get started on brewing a "Missing the Joke Entirely" sour...
posted by asperity at 12:40 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Highbrow Literary Allusion by Someone Who Clearly Never Read the Book American IPA
posted by RogerB at 12:40 PM on July 10, 2015 [19 favorites]

Fat Tire presents their pairing menu for franchised themed 5K running events:
posted by codacorolla at 12:41 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Tallboy full of mud and caltrops.
posted by griphus at 12:42 PM on July 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

No, It's Totally Not Copyright Infringement Because We Slightly Misspelled the Pop-Culture Brand or Character Red Ale
posted by RogerB at 12:43 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

I've eaten Crunch Berries while drinking beer. The two pair well, in that you're getting to be drunk and also have Crunch Berries.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:43 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Color Run - Color Me Blonde! - A delicious hoppy mix, that accentuates the hops and doesn't go easy on the flavor.

Tough Mudder - Tougher Than Mud Porter - A delicious hoppy mix, that accentuates the hops and doesn't go easy on the flavor.

Santa Run - Christmas in July Spiced Ale - A delicious hoppy mix, that accentuates the hops and doesn't go easy on the flavor.

Bad Prom Run - New Wave Small Pilsner - A delicious hoppy mix, that accentuates the hops and doesn't go easy on the flavor.
posted by codacorolla at 12:45 PM on July 10, 2015 [20 favorites]

I'll have a One, as long as it's cold.
posted by moonmilk at 12:45 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

I particularly enjoy You Suck Pale Ale, from the maker's of You're Weak and Will Hate This Stout, and the ever-popular Our Marketing Guy Took a Psychology Class Once and Thinks This is Outside-the-Box-Thinking Amber.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:46 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

PSA: do not try Well's Sticky Toffee Pudding Ale.

The horror... the horror...
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:47 PM on July 10, 2015

But Deeply Unpleasant Extra Hoppy is totally a real beer, right?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:47 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

I particularly enjoy You Suck Pale Ale, from the maker's of You're Weak and Will Hate This Stout, and the ever-popular Our Marketing Guy Took a Psychology Class Once and Thinks This is Outside-the-Box-Thinking Amber.

I am not exaggerating when I say this is how 95% of video games were advertised between 1992 and 1999.
posted by griphus at 12:48 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

Oh man and they also totally ignored Say "Hop" Again, Motherfucker. This list is starting to seem kind of suspect.
posted by cortex at 12:48 PM on July 10, 2015 [18 favorites]

Rabbit, Run--Magipeeler Citrus Blonde--A delicious hoppy mix, that accentuates the hops and doesn't go easy on the flavor.
posted by kagredon at 12:49 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, I did explain it literally in my very next sentence... but my point was that "Nooner" was so good natured and fun that I wish all/most "edgy," sexual humor could be that way, instead of most of it being exploitative, misogynist and gross (and straight male-centric).

But the author of the article seems to agree with you. That's why people are confused.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:49 PM on July 10, 2015

You guys, I think the only beer in my house right now is three warm Miller Lites that somebody left there last week. I would willingly drink any of these.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2015

My favorite all-time beer pun:

CitraAss Down

Followed closely by:

Hopsauce (not a pun, but fun to say)
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2015

I am not exaggerating when I say this is how 95% of video games were advertised between 1992 and 1999.

John Romero's Going to Make You His Bock
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2015 [20 favorites]

Am sort of glad they didn't pander with the seemingly-obligatory mention of Sit, IBU, Sit though.
posted by cortex at 12:50 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

why are you keeping three bottles of pee warm
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:51 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Let's Just Cuddle Lager
Enthusiastic Consent Hefeweizen
The Agency Respektor Pale Ale
Strap-On Revenge Double IPA
Dawn Of The Matriarchy Belgian Stout
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:51 PM on July 10, 2015 [20 favorites]

I recently tried a peanut butter beer on the recommendation of the guy at the store, and I want to never stop punching him.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:52 PM on July 10, 2015 [9 favorites]

Luck Be A Lager Tonight
posted by griphus at 12:53 PM on July 10, 2015 [15 favorites]

Wait, what about the new beers from Hipster Signifiers from 2008 Brewery? Mustache Ride Hefeweizen has that weird banana-flavored-candy taste, but Wayfarer APA and the Penny Farthing Doppelbock are ok.
posted by Juliet Banana at 12:57 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Warm Your Inn DIPA
posted by tempestuoso at 12:57 PM on July 10, 2015

It's also hard not to look askance at the ironic-or-is-it classism of Foam Owner's Association considering the state of the PDX housing market.
posted by cortex at 12:58 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

It's a shame Zoboomafoo Stout didn't come out until 2015. Pouring one out for Jovian would've been very appropriate.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:00 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

My Go-To Craft Beer Guide
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:00 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

But Deeply Unpleasant Extra Hoppy is totally a real beer, right?

I would say it's more of an industry, at this point.
posted by brennen at 1:01 PM on July 10, 2015 [23 favorites]

(Putting in a good word for Nelson's Alpine here - very hoppy and spectacular.)
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 1:04 PM on July 10, 2015

I recently tried a peanut butter beer on the recommendation of the guy at the store, and I want to never stop punching him.

I'm not advocating for the whole genre, but one of my local breweries has a Peanut Butter Chocolate Milk Stout that is fucking delicious.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:12 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

I will be attending the Michigan Summer Beer Fest in a couple weeks. I expect to see at least three variations on each of these.
posted by palindromic at 1:16 PM on July 10, 2015

Ha! Agree with Gygesringtone that they messed up the brewery associations. "Undrinkable Apricot Monstrosity" is obviously from Dogfish Head. I mean... obviously.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 1:19 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Pils, Pils, Pils
posted by griphus at 1:20 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Requisite shaggy-dog sentence that exists only to set up deadpanned invocation of made up beer named Pilsnerd.
posted by cortex at 1:20 PM on July 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

Oh shit, my commenting bot is on the blink again.
posted by cortex at 1:21 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

Pils, Pils, Pils


Surely, we want to go with Do You Pay my Automo'Pils?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:23 PM on July 10, 2015 [11 favorites]

Like, we just took some funny beer names we found on the internet and made a listicle*. But that is ClickHole's entire business model, isn't it.

* at least it was all on a single page
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 1:24 PM on July 10, 2015

lambic pentameter
posted by griphus at 1:25 PM on July 10, 2015 [26 favorites]

I had intended to ask if it was too late to derail this thread by saying how terrible most craft beer is, and then I read the link, you won't believe what I did next.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 1:25 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

I Want You To Tripel Like I Do
posted by cortex at 1:27 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

*(Hurray for my SO!)

I just found the chocolate torte she left me!
posted by biffa at 1:27 PM on July 10, 2015

Didn't find this all that funny until #7. Redeemed!

#8 I'm not familiar with Lagunitas, so I hope they're taking a shot at the brewery rather than apricot beer in general. St Ambroise Apricot Wheat beer was one of the first wheat beers I ever had, and remains pretty much the only one I like all this time later.

Deeply Unpleasant Extra Hoppy is totally a real beer, right?

Not sure, but Corporal Punishment is
posted by Hoopo at 1:27 PM on July 10, 2015

Like, we just took some funny beer names we found on the internet and made a listicle*. But that is ClickHole's entire business model, isn't it.

I am honestly not sure if you are getting literally-unbelievabled or if I'm getting literally-unbelievabled by your comment
posted by kagredon at 1:28 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Poe's Lagunitas.
posted by cortex at 1:29 PM on July 10, 2015

Brett Yeaston Ellis - courtesy of badbeerpuns.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:29 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

I, too, got halfway through the list before my bullshitometer was tripped and I looked up and noticed I was on clickhole.com.

Don't tell me for a moment that "Deeply Unpleasant Extra Hoppy" is an implausible name for a craft brew.
posted by edheil at 1:29 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

they forgot Twee, made from artisanal hops and reclaimed grey water, hand made in batches so small they have yet to produce a full six-pack
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:30 PM on July 10, 2015 [17 favorites]

I would totally still drink a Crunch Berries beer.

I swear to God I've had beer that tasted like this before. Sadly, I can't remember what it was.
posted by neckro23 at 1:30 PM on July 10, 2015

reclaimed grey water

I love the detergent undertones!
posted by Hoopo at 1:31 PM on July 10, 2015

oh and the new offering from br (now available on the App Store), Crwdsrc. They're disrupting the beer market by distributing production to home brewers, and when you feel like a drink you just open your phone, tap the app, and after we deduct $30 from your credit card we'll send the nearest brwr to your front door with a bottle.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:33 PM on July 10, 2015 [9 favorites]

They're disrupting the beer market

Right, see also Ubeer.
posted by cortex at 1:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [11 favorites]

goddammit
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Brewber?
posted by tonycpsu at 1:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Steve Urquell
posted by griphus at 1:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [13 favorites]

Motto: "Did I brew thaaaaat?"
posted by cortex at 1:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [19 favorites]

Very Berry Seinfeld Fruity* Wheat Beer (*Not that there's anything wrong with drinking that)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:43 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Huh. That was way funnier in my head.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:43 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Triple Chocolate Triple Marshmallow S'more Stout
posted by Hoopo at 1:51 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Weißamattayou
posted by griphus at 1:52 PM on July 10, 2015 [9 favorites]

Huh. That was way funnier in my head.

I think you're supposed to put "MeFi:" before that.
posted by The Bellman at 1:54 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Leinenkeugel Presents: Sugary Gross Alcopop A Shandy That's OK For Men to Drink Because It's Technically Beer
posted by codacorolla at 1:59 PM on July 10, 2015 [8 favorites]

I can't believe there haven't been more grating hops puns in our beer names.

Hop-poseable Thumbs IPA

Heir Hop-parent

Mephist-hop-pheles
posted by teponaztli at 2:18 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

item, I think you're thinking of Big, Black Bock.
posted by a halcyon day at 2:19 PM on July 10, 2015

Mephist-hop-pheles

I see that and raise you Mephi-ska-pils-es
posted by griphus at 2:23 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

MeFi's-Hops-and-Beans
posted by tonycpsu at 2:25 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

This was way too close to reality, particularly "Undrinkable Apricot Monstrosity."


That being said, if you are in Ontario, and you are able to get your hands on Sawdust City's "The Princess Wears Girl Pants vs. ODB," I highly recommend you try it. It's a pale Belgian-style tripel that has been aged in chardonnay barrels, and it is simply transcendent.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:36 PM on July 10, 2015

and don't forget

MeFi's There Is No Cabaltic Porter

and

MeFi's Professional Weisse Background
posted by tonycpsu at 2:38 PM on July 10, 2015 [8 favorites]

Also, I remain disappointed that no-one has yet brewed a gose called "There Is A Light That Never Gose Out."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:39 PM on July 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

Bock Bock would obviously need to be a doppelbock.
posted by emelenjr at 2:51 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Don't Make A Farnesene
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:53 PM on July 10, 2015

I Am Gruit
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:56 PM on July 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

MeFi's First They Came For the Hops
posted by The Bellman at 2:59 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ugh. I hate all of these. This is a pretty typical West Coast fucking list right here. Whereas everyone knows that the best summer brew for a party is the Blethsfvetternbliminon 14, which they only released to the public last year for a month before returning to their original distribution method of only selling 6 at a time on a bicycle that patrols 1 square mile of countryside surrounding their Trappist monastery. You'd have to travel there on foot to get one now, but if you're lucky you can buy the empty bottles from last year's batch for $120 on ebay.

Strong fennel notes in a shoe leather overtone, natch.
posted by shmegegge at 3:01 PM on July 10, 2015 [11 favorites]

Coal Porter
posted by griphus at 3:05 PM on July 10, 2015 [9 favorites]

But the author of the article seems to agree with you. That's why people are confused.

Yes... I agree with them. My point, which I wrote down in my comment, was that when I realized how much fun and levity good-natured sex puns could bring to the goofy craft beer scene (as opposed to gross bullshit), it was actually a bit depressing.
posted by easter queen at 3:06 PM on July 10, 2015

Hop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:12 PM on July 10, 2015 [10 favorites]

Bock Mouth Strikes Again
posted by griphus at 3:28 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

This Charming Shan(dy)
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:30 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Heaven Knows I'm Bitter Now
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:31 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Still Pils
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:32 PM on July 10, 2015

Some Pints Are Bigger Than Others
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:32 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

William It Was Really Pilsner
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:33 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Peat Is Murder*

*aged in scotch barrels
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

I Want the Stout I Can't Have
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is a really good thread. I can't favorite enough of these. You get a favorite, you get a favorite ha ha ha!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Cemetery Grains?
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:36 PM on July 10, 2015

These Things Take Time (barrel-aged Imperial IPA)
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:36 PM on July 10, 2015

Some Gruits Are Bigger Than Others

Frankly Mr. Shandy
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:37 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

First of the Grain to Die
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 3:39 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Pils, Pils, Pils Let Me Get What I Want
posted by griphus at 3:44 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

Well, it looks like we have enough terrible puns to start a Smiths-themed brewery, get sued by Morrissey, or both.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:48 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

The Pils with the Hops on its Side.
posted by ambrosen at 3:52 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Bocklifters of the World Unite
posted by griphus at 4:04 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

This thread is indistinguishable from every second half of my work day.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:11 PM on July 10, 2015 [16 favorites]

Yo Metafilter, I’m really hoppy for you…I’ll let you finish. But Yuengling has one of the best (real) summer beers of all time! One of the best of all time! Now pass the sriracha, it should go good in a michelada.
posted by Drinky Die at 5:18 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

We Hate It When Our Friends Become Malt Liquor

I would have gone with "...Become Sessionable".
posted by cortex at 5:18 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Built to S'pils

It's okay, but I was more excited about it in the mid-90s.
posted by teponaztli at 5:19 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Remember when the Uncle Tupaleale brewery shut down and then one of the guys went off and started Swillco?
posted by cortex at 5:22 PM on July 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

my bot just now came up with "DRY HOPPED SOUP | BLOODY THE TORSO"
posted by NoraReed at 5:28 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

cortex, I remember, but malt-country was never really my thing.
posted by teponaztli at 5:52 PM on July 10, 2015 [9 favorites]

I don't know how I will ever explain this joke to non mefites that will appreciate it, but god damn I'll try.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:33 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Helles Other People
posted by dr. boludo at 6:36 PM on July 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

MeFi's Whatstators Doppelbock
posted by dr. boludo at 6:38 PM on July 10, 2015

Remember when the Uncle Tupaleale brewery shut down and then one of the guys went off and started Swillco?

And another started Suds Volt?
posted by eriko at 6:55 PM on July 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Helles Other People

What Fresh Helles This
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:52 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Drinky Die's Original Bavarian Mefiweizen
posted by Drinky Die at 9:04 PM on July 10, 2015

Regarding crunch berries, my beer-appreciating friends refer to Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat as "fruity pebbles" beer. It's quite pleasant.

I recently tried Oasis's "Technicolor Motorhome" which is an American wild ale, whatever that is. Reminded me of a slightly funkier (and lower ABV) saison. It was tartly tasty, and that's gotta be one of the best weird beer names I've heard in a while.
posted by Doleful Creature at 9:32 PM on July 10, 2015

So I, uh, name beers for a living, and this thread means I get to spend the next year playing MarioKart with my feet up on the desk.

Literally Just a Soggy Donut Stout is gonna be amazing on nitro.
posted by sporkchop at 9:50 PM on July 10, 2015 [14 favorites]

I recently tried Oasis's "Technicolor Motorhome"

Gotta be better than their "Champagne Supernova"
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:06 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

🎵 Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it Bock to you 🎵
posted by kagredon at 10:16 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

So I, uh, name beers for a living, and this thread means I get to spend the next year playing MarioKart with my feet up on the desk.

Wait do you work for me?

GET BACK TO WORK
posted by shakespeherian at 10:33 PM on July 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

How do you get a job naming beers exactly? Asking for a friend.
A bot friend.
That I could build to name beers.
posted by NoraReed at 10:42 PM on July 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Bots are the macrobrewers of the craft beer naming scene. It doesn't matter how good the beer is if the name wasn't hand crafted on a genuine Model-M into a Clippy equipped word processor one name at a time.

Artw's Action Comic Amber
Delmoi's Healthcare Hefeweizen (known as Delmoi's Helpful Hefewizen in US due to FDA regulation regarding health claims)
The Homunculus Artistic Altbier
Whelks Witty Witty Witbier
Ericb's 'LongTimeComing Bourbon Barrel Aged Scalia Tear Stout

EMPATH: THE WORLD'S FIRST TRIPLE DISTILLED PREMIUM GIANT ZUCCHINI VODKA SOLD IN A MASSIVE GLASS JELLYFISH SKULL. FEEEL THE STING!

DU's "Dee-yuu It Yourself" Homebrewing and Experimental Physics Kit
Jonmc's "King of Beers"
Amberglow's Level Two Awesome American Golden Ale
"Five Fresh" Flanders Red Ale
posted by Drinky Die at 11:28 PM on July 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

(known as Delmoi's Helpful Hefewizen in US due to FDA regulation regarding health claims)

The FDA doesn't regulate beer names. That's the TTB.

/killjoy
posted by shakespeherian at 11:34 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Shakespeherian Killjoy Kölsch
posted by Drinky Die at 11:35 PM on July 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Bots are the macrobrewers of the craft beer naming scene. It doesn't matter how good the beer is if the name wasn't hand crafted on a genuine Model-M into a Clippy equipped word processor one name at a time.

don't lie, you would totally buy a beer called "Fandango Wheat Mercury", and that bot isn't even designed for making beer names
posted by NoraReed at 12:08 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I have said this on the Blue before, but I've always thought the perfect name for a quadzuple IPA would be Gibbering Hopfucker.
posted by Itaxpica at 12:30 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

The FDA doesn't regulate beer names. That's the TTB.

Surely the FDA would have an opinion about claims like "Kolsch cures cancer!" on a beer label, even if they aren't the primary regulator of beer names.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:47 AM on July 11, 2015

Saw a craft beer post with over a hundred comments, expected a lot of grar over beer snobbery, was pleasantly surprised.

But yeah, got fooled by clickhole for the first time. Barrel-Aged Extra Dark Neverending Night Porter Was too good to be true...
posted by ocular shenanigans at 3:05 AM on July 11, 2015

Surely the FDA would have an opinion about claims like "Kolsch cures cancer!" on a beer label, even if they aren't the primary regulator of beer names.

They might have an opinion about it but they don't have any oversight on alcohol names or labelling. All the regulations I'm beholden to -- including health claims, declarations of contents, appearance of governmental warnings, etc. -- come from the TTB.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:15 AM on July 11, 2015

Metafilter: Please Hop Me

Also:
Boo Radler
Tequila Bockingbird (aged in tequila barrels, natch.)
posted by emelenjr at 8:02 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

NoraReed what if your bot did the 'replace heart with butt' thing on movie titles, just replace heart with $beerstyle
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:36 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Wait do you work for me?
I wish, shakespeherian. It's certain that you'd pay me better than I do. Once NoraReed's bot makes me obsolete, I'll pledge my squeegee to your cause.

"Kolsch cures cancer!"
This is probably true? I once tried a homebrewed Kolsch that was just that miraculous. But the regulations on beer labels specify that you are not allowed to make any health-related claims, even if they are verifiably true (beer really does have lots of B vitamins, etc.)

Battle is the fellow at the TTB who personally approves or denies every alcohol label in the US. It's a subjective thing and he's an incredibly busy guy with a long memory who is in a high-pressure humorless government job and DO NOT PISS HIM OFF WITH YOUR NONSENSE is what I am saying to you from experience.
posted by sporkchop at 9:57 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've talked to Battle a couple times on the phone and while he is easily the most brusque person I've ever come across he also seemed genuinely interested in helping me out with my questions.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:21 AM on July 11, 2015 [5 favorites]

Burning Busch Light
Barstool Mitzvah
Passoutover
II Samuel Adams
posted by Dokterrock at 10:40 AM on July 11, 2015

And there's a previous thread on the article sporkchop linked to if you love reading about beer label requirements.
posted by RobotHero at 11:30 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I've gotten the same impression, shakespeherian, and that's why I feel so rotten about pissing him off with my nonsense. He's so busy and I'm so obtuse! He needs a secretary and a moat and a dragon to protect him from noobs so he can focus on the more interesting questions and take a weekend off every now and again.

Omg, you guys. Battle needs a bot.
posted by sporkchop at 11:39 AM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

I hope he runs for president.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:49 PM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Didn't he just retire? I think he did.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:28 PM on July 11, 2015

When Oops! All Berries was out, I used to buy it with Peanut Butter Crunch and mix them to make peanut butter and jelly cereal.

I wonder if that works with beer.
posted by darksasami at 1:51 PM on July 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

The beer market has become very weird. I think the problem is that there are enough people with little knowledge or experience who are willing to spend a lot on beer, that the incentive to make really good stuff and charge a fair price for it is weak. This may change as the market matures, but for now there is an incredible amount of garbage out there, and prices bear almost no relation to quality. (As an example, you can generally get 750ml of Rodenbach Grand Cru for ~$12, whereas you have to pay ~$25 for 750ml of one of Cascade's sours. I realize fruit is expensive, but this is just insane.)
posted by sudo intellectual at 2:13 PM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Didn't he just retire? I think he did.

He did! I haven't submitted new artwork since May so I haven't worked with the new guy. He unfortunately does not have a nickname of which I am aware.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:22 PM on July 11, 2015

Maybe he can be the new Battle while the old Battle lives like a king in Patagonia?
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:29 PM on July 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

sudo intellectual, sours are a fiddly thing. Two sours might cost the same to brew, but one of them could be ready in six months, and the other tie up a barrel for two years. A risky proposition for smaller breweries, with an expensive and slow learning curve. Cost of ingredients is not the only factor. There's tons of cheap beer out there that's easy to make and nice to drink. Sours are just about the pinnacle of beer difficulty, and $25 seems like the absolute limit a sensible person will pay for 750ml of beer, so it makes sense that's where the market tops out. You're right, for that price it better knock my socks off. But sock-knockers are subjective.
posted by sporkchop at 4:10 PM on July 11, 2015 [4 favorites]

Bock Bock.
Who's There?
posted by skyscraper at 7:08 PM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Dubbel.

Dubbel who?

No, W.
posted by kagredon at 7:32 PM on July 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

My favorite real name I've seen has to be Quadrotriticale, a Belgian quad made partially from triticale grain just for the Star Trek reference.
posted by traveler_ at 4:44 AM on July 12, 2015

"you can generally get 750ml of Rodenbach Grand Cru for ~$12"

Jeez don't go telling people this, or they'll catch on and it'll start costing double
posted by caution live frogs at 9:33 AM on July 12, 2015 [2 favorites]

double who?
posted by spbmp at 9:39 PM on July 12, 2015 [1 favorite]