Chief Financial Bad-Asses
July 13, 2015 3:04 AM   Subscribe

For those of you suffering through Monday with an office job "bean counting", keep your courage up with the tales of "Science Fiction & Fantasy's Most Bad-Ass Accountants"
bonus content: Sing along with Monty Python's "Accountancy Shanty" (may not be advisable at some workplaces)
posted by oneswellfoop (34 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
 


Came for Cithrin bel Sarcour, was not disappointed.

But wait, if Arthur is on the list, WHERE IS BOBBY DRAKE?
posted by kyrademon at 4:05 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


This appealed to me because, honestly, when the Animated Tick series debuted on TV, I did have a job similar to Arthur's, AND I would have looked just like him in that skin-tight flying suit.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:12 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Pretty sure Kirth Gerson did some accounting investigation in one of the Demon Princes books (The Killing Machine)? I'm on vacation so can't check. That would make him the most badass accountant by far.
posted by selfnoise at 4:14 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Hooray for the Bursar! I imagine it takes a special form of para-sanity to keep UU operating as "well" as it does.
posted by traveler_ at 4:25 AM on July 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


And, of course, the hero in THX 1138 is saved at the end by (unseen) accountants, who ironically are only doing their job for the bad guys.
posted by Devonian at 4:33 AM on July 13, 2015


They left off Tara Abernathy from Max Gladstone's Three Parts Dead, who is a sorcerer, lawyer, and sort of forensic accountant. Also, his Caleb Altemoc from Two Serpents Rise who is a risk analyst for a sorcerous trading company. Since Gladstone's books use magic as a metaphor for capital, pretty much all his books have financial badasses in them.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:54 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm sending this to my mom - who is a CPA.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:04 AM on July 13, 2015


It is right that the Bursar represents the accountants of Discworld, but I might have hoped for at least an honorable mention for A.E. Pessimal.
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 5:21 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


No Krina Alizond-114? Elaine Barnaby?

Cstross, you need to talk to your publicist ;)
posted by Pinback at 5:53 AM on July 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


The Society of Actuaries ("the largest professional organization dedicated to serving 24,000 actuarial members and the public in the United States, Canada and worldwide") has held a regular contest in which its members write science fiction. I've read maybe a dozen of these stories over the years and even though the prose isn't Hugo-level I'm usually glad to see the world through the eyes of these particular thinkers. I learn a lot about various kinds of arbitrage that might be possible.

I think the next thing I need to read is from the 2015 contest: "Blockchain Insurance Company" by Gennady Stolyarov II.
posted by brainwane at 6:00 AM on July 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


None of these are a match for the stone-cold accounts receivable pimp hand of one Herbert Kornfeld (RIP).
posted by dr_dank at 6:10 AM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


I did not expect where "Blockchain Insurance Company" was going!
posted by brainwane at 6:18 AM on July 13, 2015


Actuarial Fiction is apparently awesome.

"Euclid Jefferson, however, had no nostalgia for the days of manual driving. He appreciated the time he gained to work, rest, read, and address financial obligations during his commute."
posted by rlk at 6:48 AM on July 13, 2015


I'm not even that accounting-aware, and a Level II sci-fi nerd at best, and I'm surprised that Hermes Conrad isn't on that list.
posted by Shepherd at 6:49 AM on July 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


How about Maxine from Pynchon's "Bleeding Edge"?
posted by diogenes at 6:51 AM on July 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just watched Python's " Meaning of Life" over the weekend.
The "Crimson Permanent Assurance" remains an all-time favorite of mine.

.
posted by djrock3k at 7:06 AM on July 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


Seconding Krina Alizond-114 of Neptune's Brood. She's a forensic accountant, for goodness sake, and the financial machinations are integral to the plot!!
posted by leotrotsky at 7:17 AM on July 13, 2015


Disappointed that this list did not include the late, great Robert Sheckley's "The Accountant."
posted by Mr. Justice at 8:03 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


> "I'm surprised that Hermes Conrad isn't on that list."

Hermes Conrad is a bureaucrat, not an accountant.

(This statement is technically correct -- the best kind of correct.)
posted by kyrademon at 8:09 AM on July 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


No Quark, the bartender who changed the course of two empires?
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:14 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm shocked (on preview: shocked, I say!) that we're this far into the thread with no mention of Liartown, USA (and more of similar).
posted by sourcequench at 8:26 AM on July 13, 2015


Amateurs.

Whit Whitney, created by David Dodge; four novels, the first (1941) entitled Death and Taxes (!)
San Francisco tax accountant James “Whit” Whitney, who becomes a reluctant detective when his business partner is murdered.
Steve Bentley, created by Robert Dietrich -- pseudonym of convicted Watergate co-conspirator E. Howard Hunt; ten novels, the first in 1957, Dietrich / Hunt won a Guggenheim Fellowship in 1946.
Washington-based Bentley is actually a CPA. . . . A Korean war vet, he's done time in CID and the treasury department. But now he has his own shingle out. . . There just aren't enough hard-drinkin', two-fisted, pistol-packin' playboy accountants who make like P.I.s, if you ask me.
posted by Herodios at 9:28 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


The "Crimson Permanent Assurance" remains an all-time favorite of mine.

Previously!
posted by Room 641-A at 9:54 AM on July 13, 2015


But wait, if Arthur is on the list, WHERE IS BOBBY DRAKE?

My memory of the X-men books is a little spotty, but in what way is Iceman an accountant?
posted by shmegegge at 10:43 AM on July 13, 2015


This is such perfect timing, as I just spent way too long trying to beat the CA Economic Development Department's website into submission. I needed to be reminded that I am part of a long and storied history of numerical violence.
posted by padraigin at 10:49 AM on July 13, 2015


Came for Cithrin and Tehol. Pleasently surprised to see The Number Man.

Though, "the story of Taylor Herbert."

*twitch*
posted by Drinky Die at 11:13 AM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


ten novels, the first in 1957, Dietrich / Hunt won a Guggenheim Fellowship in 1946.

Is the Sci-Fi part where he's a time-traveller?
posted by FatherDagon at 1:15 PM on July 13, 2015


> "My memory of the X-men books is a little spotty, but in what way is Iceman an accountant?"

In that he was, well, an accountant.

From the Wikipedia entry for "Iceman (comics)":

"[After quitting the X-Men], Iceman moves to the American west coast to attend UCLA and becomes a founding member of The Champions of Los Angeles. However, the Champions soon dissolve ... Drake retires from life as a superhero to earn a college degree in accounting ... Iceman is [later] reunited with Beast, encounters Cloud, and then returns as a full-time superhero in an incarnation of the Defenders ... After the Defenders disband, Drake embarks on his career as an accountant."
posted by kyrademon at 2:51 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Music
posted by Wolfdog at 2:53 PM on July 13, 2015


One of my accounting jobs was with a Life Insurance company where there was a virtual firewall between the ACTUARIES and the Mere Accountants. It was almost comical, since the Actuarial Department was enabling some bad financial policy that contributed to the company's failure.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:14 PM on July 13, 2015


I didn't ever bother taking the exams, but I worked in a department of pension actuaries for a few years, doing pension actuarial stuff and convincing the comically recalcitrant DOS-based pension software to work properly. The senior actuaries included a guy who would, when faced with a single bean, work out a definite integral on paper in order to count it properly.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:24 PM on July 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm sad I don't have a picture of it but my dad use to ride a scooter while wearing a satin jacket that was embroidered with Hell's Accountant across the back.
posted by Mick at 4:07 PM on July 13, 2015



How could we have forgotten Howard the Duck's arch-nemesis, Pro-Rata, The Financial Wizard.

You want a bad-ass accountant?

His ambition is to be Chief Accountant to the Universe.
Pro-Rata has a variety of mystical abilities, which all have some connection to accounting. His primary goal was to achieve sufficient power at the moment the stellar balance sheet comes into alignment, when the astral audit would be taken, so that he alone would collect the cosmic dividend. He can fire blasts of force, open portals to other dimensions, animate inanimate objects, open dimensional portals, and manipulate the perceptions of others.

Pro-Rata's greatest source of power was the Cosmic Calculator. However, he could only access a small portion of its power on his own. To access its full power, he would require the Jeweled Key to the Calculator, the greatest fiscal force in the universe. He could borrow power from other sources, but if he could not pay it back, the magic would be repossessed and he would be thrown into debtor's prison. He used a flying cash register to travel.
Asses just don't get any worse.
 
posted by Herodios at 7:51 PM on July 13, 2015


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