“I wanted to run this movie over with my car, repeatedly.”
July 28, 2015 8:12 AM   Subscribe

 
Why in the hell do I not post stuff like this?? I saw this days ago.
posted by Samizdata at 8:18 AM on July 28, 2015 [7 favorites]




MetaFilter: Why in the hell do I not post stuff like this?? I saw this days ago.
posted by Fizz at 8:21 AM on July 28, 2015 [43 favorites]


It seems like this movie was written under the Big Bang Theory Doctrine: If you mention a nerdy thing, nerds will think that it is funny.

Which annoys the pants off of me because I was really excited about this movie from the moment that I saw this picture of Dinklage on set, and was even more excited when I realized that it was based on this adorable little short.

How do you ruin this?
posted by sparklemotion at 8:21 AM on July 28, 2015 [19 favorites]


Adam Sandler.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:22 AM on July 28, 2015 [74 favorites]


There's a nice big pit in the desert they dug the ET cartridges out of, needs filling with something.
posted by Artw at 8:24 AM on July 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


I've said it before, I'll say it again:

How is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?
posted by JenThePro at 8:24 AM on July 28, 2015 [11 favorites]


Like the Red Letter Media reviews, this would be vastly improved by making it more accessible (eg: drop the swearing).
posted by blue_beetle at 8:26 AM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


The effects look cool.
posted by Trochanter at 8:27 AM on July 28, 2015


There's a nice big pit in the desert they dug the ET cartridges out of, needs filling with something.

Adam Sandler's Hadean punishment for Pixels is just falling into that pit over and over again like ET in the Atari game.
posted by griphus at 8:27 AM on July 28, 2015 [17 favorites]


I never had any intention of watching this film because SANDLER! This review is just saying what the producers should have said when they were approached with the script.

No.
posted by Fizz at 8:28 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Not being familiar with Movie Bob I like to pretend this isn't probably his usual schtick, and actually most of the time it's a quiet, thoughtful NPR style presentation, and Pixels is just the movie that broke him.
posted by Artw at 8:29 AM on July 28, 2015 [45 favorites]


Also this is the singular best review of Pixels I've read yet.
posted by griphus at 8:29 AM on July 28, 2015 [33 favorites]


Adam Sandler's Hadean punishment for Pixels is just falling into that pit over and over again like ET in the Atari game.

50 First Hates?!
posted by Fizz at 8:29 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Kickstarter to develop science to trap Adam Sandler in a Groundhog Day.
posted by Artw at 8:32 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Like the Red Letter Media reviews, this would be vastly improved by making it more accessible (eg: drop the swearing).

I guess, if you don't understand swears or something? (The RLM review actually doesn't have many. You could maybe stop it once they've finished talking about the movie, though, because...)
posted by Sys Rq at 8:33 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


griphus: Also this is the singular best review of Pixels I've read yet.

I almost had to go put on a sweater because of how cold THAT SHADE was
posted by Ashen at 8:34 AM on July 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


well, apparently spielberg is making ready player one. perhaps they'll like that.

(personally, i didn't - but i would guess it will be a better film than this).
posted by andrewcooke at 8:36 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


If you mention a nerdy thing, nerds will think that it is funny.

I think we just had that thread... unfortunately.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:37 AM on July 28, 2015


This bad idea of a movie is an attempt to steal a march on READY PLAYER ONE, isn't it?
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 8:37 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


The thing is, I think the marketing department for this film was aware that Sandler may be a box office dud, because a lot of the advertising doesn't even feature his name in the movie posters.
posted by FJT at 8:39 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


As the AV Club review points out, this idea was done first in Futurama's “Anthology Of Interest II”.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:42 AM on July 28, 2015 [12 favorites]


The thing is, I think the marketing department for this film was aware that Sandler may be a box office dud, because a lot of the advertising doesn't even feature his name in the movie posters.

Yeah I had no idea this was an Adam Sandler Joint until the reviews started coming out. I'm conflicted as to whether they thought the problem was Sandler or whether they thought the problem was the movie reflecting poorly on Sandler. People fucking love Adam Sandler movies: Jack and Jill made $150M on $80M and Grown Ups 2 made $240M on $80M.
posted by griphus at 8:42 AM on July 28, 2015




I liked this piece (spoilers):

I’m not letting my son see ‘Pixels.’ Here’s why.
It has zero occurrences of what my son now calls “the S-word that means poop,” but its language is so much more harmful.

I don’t know how to explain what a “slut-seeking missile” is, or why the phrase appears twice in the first 20 minutes. I am happy that he thinks “the B-word” is “butt,” not the B-word I can’t print here, which pops up multiple times. I am not prepared to examine with him why, when Gad’s character gives a drill-instructor-style dressing-down to a bunch of Navy SEALS, he feels compelled to switch from calling them “maggots” to calling them “girl maggots.”

Beyond the language, I am in no mood for a conversation about why every woman in the first 18 minutes of the movie (I checked) is either sexualized or ridiculed, a trope that, by the end of the film, extends to Serena Williams and Martha Stewart. Or why Josh Gad ends up married to Lady Lisa, a Kitana-like video game character who is apparently mute and is literally a trophy. Oh, and don’t worry — there’s a good dose of homophobia and a sprinkling of racial fetishization, in case the misogyny doesn’t bother you.

The S-word that means poop is inappropriate for children, even though it won’t really harm them (or anyone else, for that matter). The overarching attitude of “Pixels,” though, will, because it teaches that the gaming world has no space for women unless they are generated by a computer called something like the Boobinator 10000.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:44 AM on July 28, 2015 [57 favorites]


It's been said before but it can't be said enough: those aren't pixels, they're voxels.
posted by Hogshead at 8:44 AM on July 28, 2015 [34 favorites]


My -12 year-old son has been talking about this movie for months and months and months, and he saw it on the weekend with his friend. They liked it.

"Dad, why don't you come and see it with us?"

"I'm not an Adam Sandler fan."

"Who's Adam Sandler? Isn't he funny?"

"Ah, he's just not my cup of tea, that's all."

I had to really restrain myself from being a dick and avoid destroying whatever enjoyment he might get out of what is just a summer movie.

The women-as-trophies thing is weird. Hopefully by modeling respectful behaviour at home I can inoculate my sons against those sorts of anachronistic attitudes.

But it reminds me of why we have never subscribed to cable television.
posted by Nevin at 8:44 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


MovieBob has a potty mouth.
posted by gwint at 8:46 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


And apparently Pixels (budgeted at ~$110M) has made $50M in its opening weekend so it seems this is another one of those movies that The Internet hates and everyone else thought well enough of to at least spend the $400 it costs to see a movie.
posted by griphus at 8:47 AM on July 28, 2015


I assume someone is hard at work with a Star Wars prequel-esque fan edit where Adam Sandler is removed digitally à la Jar Jar Binks.

Let me be clear, I am not simply advocating his removal from this film, but maybe from all past/future films.
posted by Fizz at 8:48 AM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


A testament to how bad Pixels must be: people haven't even gotten around to mentioning how hideously terrible this movie review is yet.
posted by koeselitz at 8:50 AM on July 28, 2015 [12 favorites]


(I mean, good lord. If you're going to rant obscenely for ten minutes, at least make it entertaining.)
posted by koeselitz at 8:52 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


I watched the Red Letter Media review earlier and was expected an epic rant or something on the lines of the time, with I think, Jack and Jill - where they called Sandler out for very creative accounting (allegedly), but no. They took the film apart comprehensively but they seem more disappointed than angry with Sandler at this point... pointing out just how bored and genuinely depressed he looks the whole time.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:53 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Half of Metafilter: "d'ya have to use so many cuss words?

Other half of Metafilter: "The fuck you talkin' about?"
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:53 AM on July 28, 2015 [27 favorites]


And apparently Pixels (budgeted at ~$110M) has made $50M in its opening weekend so it seems this is another one of those movies that The Internet hates and everyone else thought well enough of to at least spend the $400 it costs to see a movie.

Only $24 million domestic, which is apparently quite disappointing to the studio.
posted by kmz at 8:53 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


The review itself is quite Sandleresque. Potty mouthed man child ranting with no real point or insight.
posted by benzenedream at 8:57 AM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


And apparently Pixels (budgeted at ~$110M) has made $50M in its opening weekend so it seems this is another one of those movies that The Internet hates and everyone else thought well enough of to at least spend the $400 it costs to see a movie.

It'll make back its budget (plus marketing, which isn't part of that $110M), but the studio wasn't looking to just make back its money. It's definitely not going to have any legs -- MI:RN and Vacation are going to crush it into oblivion next week, and by the time it comes out for home video, it will have lost any lingering goodwill from the press of people slagging it off.
posted by Etrigan at 8:59 AM on July 28, 2015


The thing I can't get over is how Nintendo allowed themselves to be involved in this. Namco and Atari will pretty much sell their IP to anybody, but Nintendo? Come on.
posted by kmz at 8:59 AM on July 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


(The epic RedLetterMedia review of Jack & Jill is indeed pretty much everything that needs to be said on the subject of Adam Sandler movies. The real meat starts here.)
posted by Sys Rq at 9:01 AM on July 28, 2015 [7 favorites]


GBEast actually did a pretty subdued deep dive into the movie.

(Austin Walker is the best thing that's happened to Giant Bomb probably ever.)
posted by kmz at 9:04 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


How is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?

Teenage boys exist. That's how.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:10 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


And apparently Pixels (budgeted at ~$110M) has made $50M in its opening weekend so it seems this is another one of those movies that The Internet hates and everyone else thought well enough of to at least spend the $400 it costs to see a movie.

That's $50m worldwide.

In order for a major studio release such as Pixels to break even on theatrical release revenue (as opposed to DVD/Blu-Ray/streaming/etc.), the general rule of thumb is that it needs to make 1/3 of its budget from the opening weekend domestic gross. That $110m for Pixels, after all, is just its production cost. Marketing will add another ten or twenty million in the USA alone, and those box office grosses aren't direct profit for the studios in the first place: the theatres take about half for the first few weeks and then their share gradually increases. Which is why studios front-load their pictures and try to get as many people to see the movie up-front as possible, incidentally.

Pixels made $24 million domestic in its opening weekend. At $110m production expense, it realistically needed to make $36 million domestic on its opening weekend to break even.

In comparison, Ant-Man, with a production budget of $130 million, made just over $57 million in its opening weekend - decently ahead of its projected $43 million break-even opening weekend point (by about thirty percent). Fanboys are acting like the fact that this is only a solid double is somehow a failure for Marvel, who at this point has a track record of obliterating those break-even points (Guardians of the Galaxy and Winter Soldier both opened with $94 million against a $63 million break-even point, or 45 percent ahead; Age of Ultron did $191 million against an $84 million break even point, or 127 percent ahead), but it puts Pixels' failure in much more stark relief.

Pixels will, in the long run, be profitable for the studio; it's almost impossible for a major release not to eventually be profitable when you have so many secondary revenue sources. But studio heads don't want long-term revenue; they're paid for immediate success, and Pixels isn't that. Which, for us as moviegoers, is good.
posted by mightygodking at 9:11 AM on July 28, 2015 [24 favorites]


Once Little Nicky came out and didn't torpedo Sandler's career, then what could?
posted by emjaybee at 9:11 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


That $110m for Pixels, after all, is just its production cost.

Just as a correction/clarification that was $90M production plus $20M marketing (Wikipedia for once actually broke it up but I added it for simplicity's sake.)
posted by griphus at 9:13 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Ready Player One is pretty much 200 tons of fanservice and "hey d'ya remember" stuffed into one book / movie. One of the worst things I've read that wasn't written by Cory Doctorow.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:14 AM on July 28, 2015 [12 favorites]


I feel like this Variety article is a few years too late but it's a good round up of why there is so much hate for him and his style of acting: Adam Sandler: 5 Reasons He’s No Longer a Movie Star.

1. He aged out of his material
2. He’s not edgy
3. He needs new friends
4. He hates the press
5. Is he even trying?
posted by Fizz at 9:14 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


What I don't understand is how he ropes in these fantastic actors (Peter Dinklage for this piece of crap? Harvey Keitel for Little Nicky?) into these shitpiles. I mean, there's gotta be other paydays to be had that aren't Adam Sandler movies.
posted by Existential Dread at 9:14 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Fwiw for folks who've never seen a Movie Bob review, this review was jaw dropping hilarious to us since we've been watching his reviews for years. He reviews a lot of movies aimed at geeks and "genre" fans. He almost always tries to find the praiseworthy parts of even a bad movie, including trying to understand how badness comes to be. This is the most absurdly hypercritical review of his I've seen which kind of emphasizes just how disappointed he was with it. For further context, this is a man who wrote a memoir/walk through book about Super Mario Bros 3. To say he has affection for many of the franchises used in Pixels would understate it a lot.
posted by R343L at 9:17 AM on July 28, 2015 [11 favorites]


Thank you for posting this. I just had a rotten class where I had to return a bunch of papers where some students had plagiarized in the stupidest way possible. I had no intention of seeing this movie, but the knowledge that somebody else has been driven into a frenzy by stupidity is amazingly cathartic.
posted by angrycat at 9:20 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


reminder that Adam Sandler is worth many tens of millions of dollars and doesn't have to do this anymore so it's clearly a determined choice
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Are people still pretending Punch Drunk Love wasn't garbage? Anyway, I guess that was his escape attempt.
posted by Artw at 9:25 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


So... uh... does it pass the Bechdel test?
posted by clawsoon at 9:32 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Maybe he's really great to work with? Maybe he has friends who love him? Maybe a lot of people back in the small southern town where I grew up think he is hilarious and real?
posted by amtho at 9:32 AM on July 28, 2015


This list is depressing.
Going Overboard 1989
Shakes the Clown 1992
Coneheads 1993
Airheads 1994
Mixed Nuts 1994
Billy Madison 1995
Happy Gilmore 1996
Bulletproof 1996
The Wedding Singer 1998
Dirty Work 1998
The Waterboy 1998
Big Daddy 1999
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo 1999
Little Nicky 2000
Joe Dirt 2001
The Animal 2001
Mr. Deeds 2002
The Master of Disguise 2002
Punch-Drunk Love 2002
Eight Crazy Nights 2002
The Hot Chick 2002
Anger Management 2003
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star 2003
Pauly Shore Is Dead 2003
50 First Dates 2004
Spanglish 2004
The Longest Yard 2005
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo 2005
Grandma's Boy 2006
The Benchwarmers 2006
Click 2006
Reign Over Me 2007
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry 2007
Strange Wilderness 2008
You Don't Mess with the Zohan 2008
The House Bunny 2008
Bedtime Stories 2008
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2009
Funny People 2009
Grown Ups 2010
Just Go with It 2011
Zookeeper 2011
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star 2011
Jack and Jill 2011
That's My Boy 2012
Hotel Transylvania 2012
Here Comes the Boom 2012
Grown Ups 2 2013
Blended 2014
Men, Women & Children 2014
The Cobbler 2014
Top Five 2014
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 2015
Pixels 2015
Hotel Transylvania 2 2015
I Am Chris Farley 2015
The Ridiculous Six 2015
The Do Over 2016
posted by Fizz at 9:33 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Airheads was pretty good.
posted by griphus at 9:38 AM on July 28, 2015 [8 favorites]


I feel like this Variety article is a few years too late but it's a good round up of why there is so much hate for him and his style of acting: Adam Sandler: 5 Reasons He’s No Longer a Movie Star.

1. He aged out of his material
2. He’s not edgy
3. He needs new friends
4. He hates the press
5. Is he even trying?


I think it's also gotten harder to ignore that when he tries to be "edgy" he comes off as "awful". There was a piece linked here about how the movie he was making featuring some Native actors was so offensive that a bunch of them walked off the set. At some point I read the Wikipedia plot description for That's My Boy and it just seemed appallingly, offensively terrible. As (hopefully) more of society has moved on from smiling benevolently at his crude antics and recognized that this shit actually hurts people, I think Adam Sandler has had to try harder and harder to recapture his glory and he's done it by getting worse and worse.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:41 AM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


Are people still pretending Punch Drunk Love wasn't garbage?

I...liked that movie.
posted by Windigo at 9:41 AM on July 28, 2015 [6 favorites]


(stolen from Twitter, I think)

Adam Sandler hands movie executive a new pitch, a single sheet of paper with the words "Adam Sandler: Madam Handler."

Movie Executive: [sighs] "Fine."
posted by straight at 9:42 AM on July 28, 2015 [13 favorites]


What I don't understand is how he ropes in these fantastic actors (Peter Dinklage for this piece of crap? Harvey Keitel for Little Nicky?) into these shitpiles. I mean, there's gotta be other paydays to be had that aren't Adam Sandler movies.

The working theory is that Adam Sandler movies are essentially vehicles to transfer as much money from the studios into actors' pockets as humanly possible - they tend to have inflated production budgets and maximized product placement and the money just doesn't show up on screen; Sandler also has a reputation for doing as few takes as possible to get the shoot over with as quickly as possible. Jack and Jill had a budget of $80 million and looking at the film you realize that most of that was spent on the actors, who all walked away with enormous paydays (facilitated by the fact that Happy Madison, Sandler's production company, is the one actually spending the studio's money on a daily basis while the movie is being made).
posted by mightygodking at 9:49 AM on July 28, 2015 [22 favorites]


I've said it before, I'll say it again:

How is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?


I know the question is rhetorical, but Cracked actually answered it a few days ago:

However, the reason Sony is so willing to keep footing the bill for Sandler's glorified vacations is that they are insanely reliable moneymakers. Look at the numbers for his recent shitshows and you'll notice an oddly specific pattern: They all have a budget of $80 million, and they all make somewhere between $150 million and $250 million. What that means is Sony knows exactly how much money will go into each Adam Sandler film and what the return will be. Sandler knows it, too: In the same email where a Sony employee bitches about the movies, they admit that "this arrangement has disproportionately benefited Adam Sandler and his team." His movies are also packed with a ton of product placement (a nice, cool, shameless 51 in Just Go With It), which is another income stream to supplement ticket sales.
posted by NoxAeternum at 9:52 AM on July 28, 2015 [11 favorites]


Airheads was pretty good.

There are about six movies there that are pretty great (Shakes the Clown/Airheads/Mixed Nuts*/Wedding Singer/Punch Drunk Love/Funny People), but at best only a dozen actually rise to the level of even attempting to entertain an audience.

*would be immeasurably improved by the removal of Adam Sandler
posted by Sys Rq at 10:10 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]




re: Airheads, Punch Drunk Love being good, Adam Sandler is in them, but they are not Adam Sandler movies.
posted by ODiV at 10:22 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Some jerk ruined Pixels' perfect zero Rotten Tomatoes score.

Totally expected it to be Armond White.

(It's up to 19 jerks now, btw.)
posted by Etrigan at 10:27 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


re: Airheads, Punch Drunk Love being good, Adam Sandler is in them, but they are not Adam Sandler movies.

Airheads, yes, but Punch Drunk Love is absolutely an Adam Sandler movie. It's just not an Adam Sandler Movie™.
posted by Etrigan at 10:28 AM on July 28, 2015


Punch Drunk Love is from the alternate dimension where Adam Sandler channeled his drive into being an intresting actor instead of UltraDudeBroMan. It fell through a hole in reality and got here by accident. But then the studio said "eh" and released it anyway.
posted by emjaybee at 10:31 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also terrible.
posted by Artw at 10:32 AM on July 28, 2015


If you mention a nerdy thing, nerds will think that it is funny.

I work in an environment with 80 other nerds, no one likes BBT, the people who like that are people who think nerd stuff is neat and have no sense of humour.
posted by Cosine at 10:54 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Why can't I help but think that if every single thing was the same except that Adam Sandler was replaced by Chris Pratt, we'd be hearing a different tune?

Is it because I remember The Lego Movie?
posted by Legomancer at 11:08 AM on July 28, 2015


Why all the hate for Sandler? Don't you all know what he sacrificed for our sake? For our childrens' sake?!

I mean, but for him distracting the Dark Lord Satan we would be dealing with Chris Kattan, World's Biggest Movie Star right now. I've been to the Darkest Timeline. I've seen the madness Corky Romano III: Italy You Love Me wrought upon 2007.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:09 AM on July 28, 2015 [13 favorites]


Maybe Chris Kattan was sacrificed, literally.
posted by The Whelk at 11:21 AM on July 28, 2015




Here's a terrible thought that I have to share. In his 2002 review of Punch-Drunk Love, Roger Ebert praised Sandler's acting and closed by saying,
Paul Thomas Anderson has referred to "Punch-Drunk Love" as "an art house Adam Sandler film." It may be the key to all of the Adam Sandler films, and may liberate Sandler for a new direction in his work. He can't go on making those moronic comedies forever, can he?
Thirteen years later, Sandler's run of moronic comedies has outlasted Ebert and will continue for at least four more Netflix-funded movies.
posted by sgranade at 11:30 AM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


robocop is bleeding: "Why all the hate for Sandler? Don't you all know what he sacrificed for our sake? For our childrens' sake?!

I mean, but for him distracting the Dark Lord Satan we would be dealing with Chris Kattan, World's Biggest Movie Star right now. I've been to the Darkest Timeline. I've seen the madness Corky Romano III: Italy You Love Me wrought upon 2007.
"

You know, he gets killed, along with Fran Dreischer and James Caan, in an amusingly bad little movie...
posted by Samizdata at 11:42 AM on July 28, 2015


Movie Executive: [sighs] "Fine."

The current state of Hollywood summed up in a single quote.
posted by Fizz at 11:46 AM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


griphus: Also this is the singular best review of Pixels I've read yet.

[old man mode]
But it's a photo of a screen! It's like some kid heard the word "screencap" and didn't understand what someone meant.
[/old man mode]

Anyway, here's the rest of the review, which actually addresses the movie in question. Sadly, by calling it 'a low-grade "Ghostbusters" knock-off," I'm actually more interested in seeing it now.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:49 AM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sadly, by calling it 'a low-grade "Ghostbusters" knock-off," I'm actually more interested in seeing it now.

So when it eventually ends up on TBS* in 3 years, and I am too drunk/lazy to find the remote to change the channel, I might fall asleep to it.

J/K. Is TBS still a thing? I unbundled a long time ago and watch everything through download/Netflix.
posted by Fizz at 11:56 AM on July 28, 2015


Why can't I help but think that if every single thing was the same except that Adam Sandler was replaced by Chris Pratt, we'd be hearing a different tune?

Given that Chris Pratt does not have a history of making lazy, uninspired cash grabs that he admits are just excuses to go to exotic places on someone else's dime, I question your premise that every single thing would have been the same if Pratt had signed on to Pixels.
posted by Etrigan at 12:00 PM on July 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


Etrigan: “Airheads, yes, but Punch Drunk Love is absolutely an Adam Sandler movie. It's just not an Adam Sandler Movie™.”

I think in the critical sense that matters Punch Drunk Love is not an Adam Sandler movie. It's a P. T. Anderson movie. What I mean is this: the rumor I've heard about Adam Sandler is that since some time in the mid 90s Adam Sandler has had the power to walk into a movie and demand (a) that he have a lot of "creative control" – that is, I think, he gets to pick where they shoot, as you've noted, and I'm not sure he cares about much else production-wise; and (b) that he gets to work with the people he likes to work with, largely his friends. This means that a movie with Adam Sandler is likely to be written by or include input from Adam Sandler's friends, will star Adam Sandler's friends and people he has met and liked, and therefore just generally will have the same tone as other Adam Sandler movies, no matter how those movies might have had their genesis.

I think Artw is right at least as far as Punch Drunk Love was an "escape attempt," because it really wasn't like the standard Adam Sandler movie. it was P. T. Anderson's movie, and he is not the type to allow that kind of mucking about. It was Sandler's try at an "hey look I'm acting" movie. If the goal was to change the paradigm, it pretty clearly failed, as we've been back to the old Adam Sandler machine model for more than a decade now.
posted by koeselitz at 12:10 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


(At the same time, I think P. T. Anderson was probably having fun with the idea of directing an "Adam Sandler movie," and as such it is kind of a movie about Adam Sandler movies. I'm not sure.)
posted by koeselitz at 12:11 PM on July 28, 2015


Why can't I help but think that if every single thing was the same except that Adam Sandler was replaced by Chris Pratt, we'd be hearing a different tune?

No, everything about Pixels is bad. Sandler's just the best hook to hang the hate.
posted by vibrotronica at 1:09 PM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


koeselitz: A testament to how bad Pixels must be: people haven't even gotten around to mentioning how hideously terrible this movie review is yet.

Yea, it radiates the worst type of nerdy dude that basically ruined PAX for me. Like to the point that i have to wonder what this dudes opinions on ethics in gaming journalism are. He comes off like a classic 4chan shitposter, with his various jabs at idiocracy and lulz-fat-americans with the wall-e screenshot. Not to mention the whole classic-video-games-are-sacred-culture protestations.

I don't know this guy, but if i was introduced to him after watching this i'd be fairly hesitant. I've just known too many nerdy guys who would rant about game related stuff like this, in this way, who were actually terrible fedorababies.

Like he doesn't even dump on the Martha Stewart/Serena Williams thing at all? That's a pretty huge blind spot there bro.

kmz: The thing I can't get over is how Nintendo allowed themselves to be involved in this. Namco and Atari will pretty much sell their IP to anybody, but Nintendo? Come on.

Well their IP was, after being basically off limits for ages, recently a cameo in Wreck-it Ralph which i have to say is possible the most respectful and decent video game movie ever. It felt like a pixar movie, and i completely understood why nintendo would be cool with it.

I'm assuming they were basically sold a bill of goods or signed a blank contract here so to speak, and what they received was not what they had agreed to.

The sad thing is, i could see them saying "wow FUCK this" when it comes to licensing their stuff out in the future. Or at least, to anyone but disney.

Legomancer: Why can't I help but think that if every single thing was the same except that Adam Sandler was replaced by Chris Pratt, we'd be hearing a different tune?

And you know, if he wasn't involved at all, not just as the main character, i think this could have been a good movie!

It's basically that futurama episode turned into a movie. That was funny and cute. This could have potentially been a live action feelgood type thing like wreck it ralph, or just a good silly movie/stupid explosion movie that probably would have become a cheesy classic like super mario bros or the last starfighter or something.

Conceptually this movie was fine, even good. Without adam sandler and paul blart mall cop and shit i think this could have been a good movie.

I think we'll get an answer on whether it's a salvageable concept by how ready player one does, though.
posted by emptythought at 2:04 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Given that Chris Pratt does not have a history of making lazy, uninspired cash grabs

Wait, then who was that in Jurassic World?
posted by Hoopo at 2:11 PM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Not being familiar with Movie Bob I like to pretend this isn't probably his usual schtick, and actually most of the time it's a quiet, thoughtful NPR style presentation, and Pixels is just the movie that broke him.

That's actually pretty accurate. His reviews (which used to be on The Escapist, before he left/was fired/I never really figured that out) tended to be positive to mildly critical, and fairly thoughtful. He also had a series of videos (The Big Picture) which were about geek culture generally, several of which touched on gender issues. You can tell when he gets really excited or enthusiastic about something because he forgets himself and starts talking in his native strong Bostonian accent.

This and his Amazing Spider-Man review (I'm not putting in links here because I can't figure out how to do it on my phone) are the two I've seen where he just sort of goes total foam-at-the-mouth. So yeah, this is not his usual schtick, it's something he saves up for the occasional film that he genuinely hates.
posted by AdamCSnider at 2:13 PM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Yea, it radiates the worst type of nerdy dude that basically ruined PAX for me. Like to the point that i have to wonder what this dudes opinions on ethics in gaming journalism are.

You may rest assured that, if you go hunting, you'll find that Movie Bob is very strongly against GamerGate, and GGers are very strongly against him.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:15 PM on July 28, 2015 [5 favorites]


Some dude fucks QBert in this movie - I'm not sure even raptor wrangling skills can save it.
posted by Artw at 2:35 PM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


Heh, I was pretty interested in the movie while watching the trailer until Sandler appeared. Then, even my interest of seeing the movie being demolished disappear.

It's not like the idea is original (usual Royksopp link), but at least also isn't a reheat or another fucking superhero movie, and has the upside of being a movie with videogames as characters as opposed to adapt a story. So, they decide to tank the whole thing with Sandler.


Now, if we could only wait and see if a McPixel movie could be as bad as MacGruber and Pixels combined. Probably wouldn't.
(also, fuck me, why is it so hard to find to find gameplay videos without some wannabee youtube celebrity squeking over it?)
posted by lmfsilva at 3:02 PM on July 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's funny how the process of adapting a short film into a feature can work, or not work, depending upon the circumstances. With the right director and approach, La Jetée can become 12 Monkeys. With the wrong approach, an amusing little short like Pixels becomes... this.
posted by Kevin Street at 3:44 PM on July 28, 2015 [3 favorites]


Kevin James plays POTUS.

Let that sink in.
posted by M Edward at 4:52 PM on July 28, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have a soft spot for Bulletproof
posted by rosswald at 5:25 PM on July 28, 2015


Reign Over Me is the outlier for me. It's still not a great movie, being at turns exploitative, maudlin and tone-deaf, and like Airheads it benefits enormously from the inclusion of better actors to be as good as it is — but even so it's a different take on Sadler's typical stunted maladjusted man-child thing. Probably because it wasn't intended to be an Adam Sandler movie.

As for Pixels, I'm just going to pretend it never happened. Maybe this coupled with the blowback from the Sony leak will be enough to get people to stop throwing money at Sandler for a while.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:03 PM on July 28, 2015


Given that Chris Pratt does not have a history of making lazy, uninspired cash grabs

Wait, then who was that in Jurassic World?


The name is Macklin. Burt Macklin.
posted by Etrigan at 6:41 PM on July 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


How is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?

As wonderful as the great stuff that is produced in the States is, there is an awful lot of awful terrible horrendous stuff that is produced, loved, believed, adored, and worshiped. Look at the state of the social system and the political system, chock full of hateful insane assholes who make Adam Sandler look almost entirely harmless, and in the case of the Tea Party wingnuts, a total intellect. It's sad.
posted by juiceCake at 10:29 PM on July 28, 2015


How is Adam Sandler still allowed to make movies?

From the Netflix deal announcement:

According to Netflix, he’s among the few actors whose movies consistently rank among the most-viewed by subscribers in the U.S. and in its other regions, ranging from Brazil to the U.K.
posted by mediareport at 5:50 AM on July 29, 2015


sparklemotion: You ruin things like that just like your comment says: by having no real appreciation and even a bit of contempt for your subject material, only seeing it as something you can make money off of rather than something that people appreciate for reasons (that you have no idea about) and which constitute a culture (which you wouldn't recognize if it hit you). That was you think that if you string together enough of the words and images, the fans will blindly pay you.

We won't.

(Naturally, I don't mean you-you.)

(Also, I'm rather late to this thread, but the existence of this movie irritates me more than a little so I had to say something.)
posted by seyirci at 7:33 AM on July 29, 2015


I mean, but for him distracting the Dark Lord Satan we would be dealing with Chris Kattan, World's Biggest Movie Star right now.

Coming soon to a darkest timeline theatre near you: Mango & Mr. Peepers 4: The Quest for Kerri Strug

I would probably pay to see a "Goth Talk" movie though.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:51 PM on July 29, 2015


Orlando is much more sinister than Tampa.
posted by gingerest at 10:48 PM on July 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Etrigan: "Given that Chris Pratt does not have a history of making lazy, uninspired cash grabs

Wait, then who was that in Jurassic World?


The name is Macklin. Burt Macklin.
"

Burt Macklin, FBI.
posted by Samizdata at 12:45 AM on July 30, 2015




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