The Opossum Banana Eating Choir
August 7, 2015 4:57 PM   Subscribe

 
TRASH CAT PARTY
posted by poffin boffin at 4:57 PM on August 7, 2015 [34 favorites]


I want this as my Active Desktop background.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 5:03 PM on August 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


I adore possums, but even for me that clip was kind of disturbing (even the cutest animal becomes disturbing if you get a big enough pile of 'em!). Also, in the sidebar there's a video of a dead possum mama with live babies, and F that. I don't even want to know that clip exists!

So as an alternative Friday evening clip for opossum lovers of a similarly squeamish disposition: Shmooky the opossum eats apples. Just one Shmooky happily munching apples, nobody dead. Yay!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:05 PM on August 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


It's like something out of Lovecraft.
posted by betweenthebars at 5:07 PM on August 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


Bleyuch, opossums are not cute, even when they're being cute.
posted by carsonb at 5:08 PM on August 7, 2015 [7 favorites]






One night when I was in high school, my sister went to our basement and yelled "oh my God, there's an enormous rat!" My mom and I went down and discovered that a baby opossum had somehow gotten in, with no parent in sight. There was a stack of boxes at the back of the room, and the lil' gal/guy could run and hide behind them. We got a trap, but Reuben/Ruby (by this point we had named it, but never knew its gender) was too small and lightweight to trigger it.

In retrospect, I don't know why we ended up harboring Reuben/Ruby for as long as we did, but that's what happened. We moved the cats' litter boxes into another part of the house, started leaving out food and water, and occasionally left cherries as little treats (it was cherry season). It was always fun to leave the food - you'd walk into the room and see the little critter, and since possums are kind of slow s/he'd kind of look around, then suddenly see you and look surprised, then sort of half-scamper away.

None of it makes sense looking back - I remember my mom calling a possum rescue, but I don't know why they couldn't take our friend. I do remember animal control wanting to kill it. The whole time it was there, we were always trying to trap it or lure it somewhere, but it never worked. So Reuben/Ruby stayed.

Well, eventually Reuben/Ruby got big enough to trigger the trap, and we took him/her out to be released in the woods. I've always wondered what happened after that - was the animal, having grown up in a basement, not capable of finding its own food? Did it just get eaten by a predator?

I hope a wildlife expert doesn't read this and be furious with us for how we handled this. I mean, we tried to do the right thing. We certainly didn't want our possum friend to die. It's not like there was a whole lot of information out there that would tell us what to do in that situation.

Anyway, for a little while, we unintentionally had a pet opossum, and ever since then I've thought opossums were really cute.
posted by teponaztli at 5:19 PM on August 7, 2015 [29 favorites]


Pookie the brushtail possum eats a banana (that's an Australian possum, folks, much cuter)
posted by nonspecialist at 5:22 PM on August 7, 2015


Man, God fucked up when he created the possum. It looks like some leftover parts that accidentally absorbed a stray spark of life. Or maybe a sockpuppet so filthy it became animated by its own bacteria.
posted by selfnoise at 5:24 PM on August 7, 2015 [13 favorites]


sockpuppet so filthy it became animated by its own bacteria

in case anyone was wondering this is too long a phrase to be the name of your new sockpuppet

alas
posted by poffin boffin at 5:28 PM on August 7, 2015 [23 favorites]


Ursula Hitler I need to thank you deeply for your comment. Just thank you.
posted by bleep at 5:35 PM on August 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


They seem like stangely inefficient chewers. Cool clip though.
posted by bonobothegreat at 5:53 PM on August 7, 2015 [5 favorites]






That is some nightmare fuel right there.
posted by OHenryPacey at 6:02 PM on August 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is the most adorable thing ever!! Whose a good weensie vermin creature? YOU ARE! *nosh nosh nosh*
posted by missmary6 at 6:07 PM on August 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Some years ago, my Best Dog Howie (apologies to all my other dogs, and my current dogs, but Howie was the best) was barking so ferociously at something outside while I was in the shower that I opened the window, and saw a opossum on top of the fence right outside the bathroom window. I knew something was up, because it was about 10am, and I was afraid she was sick or rabid so I got dressed and went out to make Howie come inside.

After some nosing around - she hissed at me but she was standing her ground - I figured out that her babies had fallen off, down into the yard of the vacant house next door. There were five of them, squirming around and feeling for her.

I put on my biggest work gloves and went around to where I could let myself into the yard and Mama Possum stood there, hissing and terrified but refusing to leave and not attempting to chew my face off at all, until I picked up each baby and put them on her back. I went back inside and checked out the window until she was gone, and then happened to go in the front yard, where I found her laying underneath a big photinia hedge, nursing. About 45 minutes later she was gone.

I am a Friend To Opossumkind now.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:17 PM on August 7, 2015 [66 favorites]


SWEETIES

I LOVE THAT SPECIES
posted by Greg Nog at 6:22 PM on August 7, 2015 [6 favorites]


If you close your eyes while watching the video, it sounds like a rainstorm. FOLEY ARTISTS TAKE NOTE.
posted by theatro at 6:23 PM on August 7, 2015 [16 favorites]


Also, in the sidebar there's a video of a dead possum mama with live babies, and F that. I don't even want to know that clip exists!

When I was volunteering at the Wildlife Rescue Center, that was actually a common enough occurrence that they suggested we always give a quick once-over to possum corpses; apparently a lot of mamas will get hit by cars or something, and the babies will still be clinging on. If someone finds them and brings them to a rehab center, they can be saved, and grow up to be wonderful hissing trash-lurking cutie-pies!
posted by Greg Nog at 6:25 PM on August 7, 2015 [8 favorites]


If you close your eyes while watching the video, it sounds like a rainstorm. FOLEY ARTISTS TAKE NOTE.

"How the hell are we supposed to record the sound of falling water?"
"Jesus, man, you got me... Say, wait a second, do you still have that nest of possums and bunch of bananas in your desk drawer?"
posted by Greg Nog at 6:26 PM on August 7, 2015 [51 favorites]


from the related videos : HORRIBLE GUTTURAL NOISES
posted by boo_radley at 6:39 PM on August 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Opossum shall inherit the earth.
posted by Poldo at 6:40 PM on August 7, 2015


This is some sort of GOP debate metaphor?
posted by davebush at 6:46 PM on August 7, 2015 [15 favorites]


"Eight Opossums, how do you respond to Mr. Trump's plan for immigration control?"
"SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK"
"Please just answer the question."
"SMACK SMACK SMUCK SMACK SMACK"
"Very good."
posted by codacorolla at 6:52 PM on August 7, 2015 [27 favorites]


Now I keeping singing "possum babies" to the tune of the Muppet Babies theme song.
posted by dayintoday at 7:03 PM on August 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


A guy I knew found an abandoned baby possum and raised it as a pet (it may have imprinted on him). These are the strangest fucking animals. It was like he had a really, really, REALLY calm cat.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:09 PM on August 7, 2015


Possums are heroes!
(Dramatization. Supernatural abilities depicted for dramatic effect.)
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:12 PM on August 7, 2015


The poor little guy 2nd to the left didn't get one! :-(
posted by tunewell at 7:15 PM on August 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Opossum! sounds like a Howard Keel musical that should have been made.
posted by arcticseal at 7:42 PM on August 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


THERE. ARE. 9. OPOSSUMS!
posted by dsword at 7:46 PM on August 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


GROSS
POSSUMS
GROSS

can't... stop... watching
posted by duffell at 7:48 PM on August 7, 2015


THERE. ARE. 9. OPOSSUMS!

Ah shit, I missed the back possum.
posted by codacorolla at 7:49 PM on August 7, 2015


Now I keeping singing "possum babies" to the tune of the Muppet Babies theme song.

Singing "possum babies" to the tune of "Santa Baby" also works.

THANKS A FUCKING LOT.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:13 PM on August 7, 2015 [7 favorites]


Ursula Hitler: Clara the educational opossum

That was great, thanks. Well worth the watch for possum info.

One minor quibbble - by the 6:00 minute mark I was wondering aloud, "Oh, come on, can't someone put a slipcover or towel on that chair? Geez."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:13 PM on August 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


POSSUM BABY LEAVE SOME GARBAGE UNDER THE TREE FOR ME
posted by poffin boffin at 8:31 PM on August 7, 2015 [21 favorites]






Spoiler: the psychic video also has possum banana eating action.
posted by codacorolla at 8:45 PM on August 7, 2015


... I was afraid she was sick or rabid ...

Fun fact! Opossums are one of the only animals that can't carry rabies - their body temperature is too low.
posted by idiopath at 9:09 PM on August 7, 2015 [20 favorites]


Wow this is the greatest thing I've ever seen
posted by growabrain at 9:23 PM on August 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Somebody ought to tell them it's rude to to chew with your mouth open
posted by joethefob at 9:39 PM on August 7, 2015 [1 favorite]




opossum kinda go so far away from cute that they double back into being adorable, it's like "Hello, welcome to my house, this is the living room, the kitchen, and our Trash Goblin, Peaches."
posted by The Whelk at 10:12 PM on August 7, 2015 [35 favorites]


This house had been vacant for a long time when I moved in. I didn't have much reason to go in the badly lit basement until my mom joined me 6 months later and sometimes one of us would use the toilet down there if the upstairs one was occupied.

Reports from both my son and mom of scrabbling noises down there were dismissed when we started seeing mice. So we set mousetraps. Something was eating the dead mice. As if a snap trap isn't gross enough. Boy was referring to it as The Basement Monster.

One night, mom went down there to rummage through boxes and shrieked. She said something big had scrabbled right up the wall and into the drop ceiling. So we set box traps and eventually caught us a possum. How it ever got in is beyond me.

It would not leave the trap when I took it outside so I left it by the barn. The alpacas all came to look and on my old phone I have pics of possum emerging and sitting up staring at the pacas.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 11:24 PM on August 7, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oh my god, where does she keep getting these possums from

She's a dead squirrel channeler, and possums have a natural affinity for dead squirrels.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:29 PM on August 7, 2015


Man, God fucked up when he created the possum.

Have you seen Shmooky? HAVE YOU SEEN SHMOOKY? The almighty made many, many mistakes, but the opossum is certainly not among them.

Seriously, possums are just about as benign as animals get. They can't become rabid and they don't burrow holes in your house. If a possum ever bites you, you have really earned it. Their chief forms of defense are hissing or passing out so they look dead. That is just pitiful, really. If you don't make an aggressive move, they'll probably just scuttle by you in no particular hurry. They're fat, fuzzy little slowpokes. They just wanna eat and chill, man. They're like the little hippies of the animal kingdom.

Thanks, bleep!
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:41 AM on August 8, 2015 [13 favorites]


A biological anthropology professor I once had said opossums resembled some of the earliest known mammals. Then again, he also believed evolution could be tied in with quantum changes in consciousness (he referred us to What the Bleep), so I'm not sure whether or not I can believe him.
posted by teponaztli at 12:49 AM on August 8, 2015


It's an orchestra of mouth noises.
posted by Solomon at 1:16 AM on August 8, 2015


"Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes."
posted by The Tensor at 1:54 AM on August 8, 2015


... and Rubio emerged the clear winner...
posted by mattoxic at 2:02 AM on August 8, 2015 [7 favorites]


Man, God fucked up when he created the possum.

I'm with you on the opossum, which always reminds me of the Dark Crystal. But can't agree with the generalisation to all possums. Exhibit A: The pygmy possum.
posted by kisch mokusch at 2:59 AM on August 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


I was so stressed out that the poor little guy on the left wasn't getting a banana.
posted by Cocodrillo at 3:24 AM on August 8, 2015


Metafilter: that nest of possums and bunch of bananas in your desk drawer.
posted by datawrangler at 4:16 AM on August 8, 2015


This video should convince you that possums are somehow simultaneously creepy little beasts and the BEST THING EVER. When she's cuddled up and licking the lady's fingers the cuteness is beyond measure by any conventional cuteness measuring system... but then she does this smile that stretches across her face like she's the Joker or something (so many teeth!) and it's just beyond freaky. Then three seconds later she's a precious little fuzz-baby again.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:17 AM on August 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


The possum comes to God and says:
"You forgot about me, God!"
God sez, no, you're a li'l mammal, look at your fluffy hair, your graceful long ears, your perfectly round head and tiny little mouth."
Possum sez: "But God, I only eat trash."
"Well --- okay, that's really gross, but I did make humans, so -- sorry, what's the problem here again?"
"my lovely long ears fall in the trash I eat. The trash gets all over my fur. Look, I'm after pizza crusts, and to pry that piece lovingly from the dirty diaper I need a long long snout that look like I'm a pair of those weird pliers people use for electrical work."
"That is fucking disgusting."
"Look, and trash gets all over my little hands. I can't get the smell of baby poop off them, because of that pizza/diaper thing."
*God barfs*
"And God, sometimes there's some tasty shreds of cat vomit--"
"If I just give you what you need to eat garbage, will you never talk to me about this shit again?"
"Of course God, I mean there's nothing wrong with poop, it just sometimes sticks to my ears too and then--
*God barfs some more*
*God gifts possum with trash features*
*God is like, I got to find another planet*

And thus, we have not only the possum, but the current incarnation of the GOP and a number of non-God horrors.
posted by angrycat at 4:56 AM on August 8, 2015 [9 favorites]


They're not very... good... at chewing, are they?

I mean, these are bananas. Bananas are fairly soft, pliable things. Most people, and I think most animals, could make mush of a piece of banana with maybe two moderate chomps. What kind of chewing-related genetic disability does possums have that necessitates chewing a piece of banana weakly about 300 times before making a dent? How do they even survive in the wild?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 5:18 AM on August 8, 2015 [11 favorites]


Me versus possum. There's some swearing in this, I think. And I'm wearing my MetaFilter teeshirt!
posted by ColdChef at 6:28 AM on August 8, 2015 [11 favorites]


they should use this clip for the crowd shots during the coming presidential debates.
posted by echocollate at 6:45 AM on August 8, 2015 [6 favorites]


In addition to not getting rabies, possums are also immune to many snake venoms. Clearly, evolution was like, "sorry I fucked up making you; want a couple superpowers?"
posted by Panjandrum at 6:53 AM on August 8, 2015 [4 favorites]


Me versus possum. There's some swearing in this, I think. And I'm wearing my MetaFilter teeshirt!

I love how it turns around to stare after you knock the cage over, like, "Ummm... rude."
posted by notquitemaryann at 7:08 AM on August 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


Look at those floppy ears! Adorable!
posted by zibeline_rose at 7:31 AM on August 8, 2015


I call the big one Bitey.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:58 AM on August 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


opossum kinda go so far away from cute that they double back into being adorable

Speaking of double, a possum has a bifurcated penis. Or a bifurcated vagina, of course. But not both.
posted by pracowity at 8:35 AM on August 8, 2015


Possums look like what would happen if a giant puppet based on a cartoon drawing of a rat came to life. They are bizarre weirdos and I love them.

But I tend to think marsupials are amazing anyway.
posted by darksong at 1:06 PM on August 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


They're not very... good... at chewing, are they?

Dude, they're babies. They'll probably be better at chewing once they each get the fifty teeth they're owed.

(Bonus fact: Opossums have thirteen nipples. Thirteen!)
posted by Sys Rq at 1:21 PM on August 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


Me versus possum.
"Go! Be free!"

ColdChef is now and forever called PossumMoses in my mind.
posted by arcticseal at 1:56 PM on August 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


ColdChef: LET MY POSSUMS GO.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:00 PM on August 8, 2015 [4 favorites]


"Helloooo, Possums!"

- Dame Edna Everage
posted by Artful Codger at 4:14 PM on August 8, 2015


(Bonus fact: Opossums have thirteen nipples. Thirteen!)

You left out the weirdest part of that fact: they're arranged in a ring with one in the center.
posted by Pyry at 4:16 PM on August 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


Which leads one to wonder why no one markets an opossum-themed clock.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:39 PM on August 8, 2015 [10 favorites]


When I was young and stayed out late, I came home to an animal on the porch. At first I thought it was just one of the cats. Then I noticed the pink naked tail and thought "giant rat" and screamed. On closer inspection, it was just a possum, and it ambled away and I went in the door. Another time, on Halloween, we had a possum asleep in an empty trash can and it really looked dead. I tipped the can and checked it regularly. The possum did not leave until the sun set...spooky! my brother was surprised by a possum living in his box of rags in the garage. Possums are ugly but harmless little marsupials, and I had heard they only live two years and are used to study the aging process.
posted by mermayd at 5:43 AM on August 9, 2015


this is oddly soothing and i'm going to send it to all my coworkers and i wish everyone could play it with the sound up on all their computers at once and then the office would be awash in gentle smacking noises
posted by burgerrr at 3:09 PM on August 10, 2015


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