a goat who wears pants
August 12, 2015 6:18 AM   Subscribe

"Thomas Thwaites is currently investigating what it might be like to live as a goat. He commissioned prosthetics for his arms and legs so that he could walk, as comfortably as possible, on all fours. He considered constructing an artificial rumen that would digest grass for him to consume, using actual gut bacteria found in goats. He consulted with a behavioural expert on goats, and even watched as a goat was dissected, to learn more about the animal he wanted to be. But the best part is that Thwaites also arranged to live as a goat for a few days on a goat farm in the Swiss Alps amongst actual grazing goats."
posted by moonmilk (62 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
 
Rather a capriciously chosen ambition.
posted by ocschwar at 6:20 AM on August 12, 2015 [56 favorites]


It's certainly butting up against the limits of credibility.
posted by ColdOfTheIsleOfMan at 6:25 AM on August 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


Some might say that this was a baaaad idea.
posted by I-baLL at 6:25 AM on August 12, 2015 [13 favorites]


He's kidding right?
posted by wilful at 6:27 AM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]


He's a goat, see?
posted by Kabanos at 6:27 AM on August 12, 2015 [7 favorites]


So not this guy?
posted by Artw at 6:28 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Previously.
posted by Cash4Lead at 6:28 AM on August 12, 2015




Switzerland is a nanny state
posted by moonmilk at 6:32 AM on August 12, 2015 [14 favorites]


This is some creepy-ass self-inflicted ruminant Tusk shit he's edging in on.
posted by Windigo at 6:32 AM on August 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


It was much too cold and rainy to sleep with the goats outside, so Thwaites and his team set up camp each night.

I was about to ridicule him for this, but on the other hand, he still got closer to being a goat than i ever have, so i suppose it's not my place to cast stones. I'm glad he got to eat some grass with those nice dudes
posted by Greg Nog at 6:36 AM on August 12, 2015 [23 favorites]


This looks like a realization of one of the notes that were posted on the toddler room at our daycare. They each had a kid's name and what they wanted to be when they grew up. There was the typical fireman and doctor stuff, but one kid wanted to be a dog, and two aspired to be airplanes.
posted by ignignokt at 6:37 AM on August 12, 2015 [53 favorites]


When I grow up, I want to be the new Itchy and Scratchy game!
posted by Naberius at 6:40 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


Um, welcome to 2015, we have Goat Simulator now.
posted by grobstein at 6:42 AM on August 12, 2015 [24 favorites]


I've read just the first paragraph and I'm already guessing it's odds-on he's totally had sex with a goat.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:43 AM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]


Also billy goats famously stink... did he go there to?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:47 AM on August 12, 2015


I have never seen pictures of goats looking sympathetically embarrassed before. Goats have unexpected depths of empathy.

Otherwise, the safety helmet seems like a good idea.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:47 AM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]


I want to know if this actually helps with existential fears. Can't believe the article neglected to report on the important outcomes of the experiment!
posted by congen at 6:47 AM on August 12, 2015 [6 favorites]


I wonder why he chose goats, surely an experimental life as a housecat would be more pleasant.
posted by arcticwoman at 6:52 AM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]


My uncle had a small goat farm, and I had fun hanging out with them, but mostly I learned that goats are assholes, will ruin a good truck, and like to drink urine straight from the tap, as it were. (Another goat's tap, just to be clear.)
posted by Huck500 at 6:55 AM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]


I wonder why he chose goats, surely an experimental life as a housecat would be more pleasant.

Weekends are most relaxing when you do your best housecat impression, though you might want to leave out the genital licking if you have roommates.
posted by ColdOfTheIsleOfMan at 6:56 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


Also billy goats famously stink... did he go there to?

I don't think there's any need to troll the guy just yet, he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it.
posted by LionIndex at 6:57 AM on August 12, 2015 [41 favorites]


Why he is wearing a time trial helmet?
posted by entropone at 7:01 AM on August 12, 2015


Nothing slows down a goat!
posted by moonmilk at 7:04 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is like the best Christmas (Island) gift ever!
posted by maxwelton at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2015


MetaFilter: (Another goat's tap, just to be clear.)
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:07 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


WHY INTERNET? WHY?
posted by Nanukthedog at 7:14 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yet another situation where the best response is "interesting," said slower than usual and with air quotes.
posted by cubby at 7:14 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Founder pass us.
posted by busted_crayons at 7:18 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is hilarious and delightful, and I am glad he gets to do his thing.
posted by Ragini at 7:18 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]



What a tragedy.
 
posted by Herodios at 7:21 AM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]


I keep my desires to become a goat strictly confined to playing "Goat Simulator". It's not only more socially acceptable, but it's significantly less of a financial burden than what this guy is trying to do.
posted by surazal at 7:23 AM on August 12, 2015


Some days, the jokes just write themselves.
posted by Mooski at 7:29 AM on August 12, 2015


Why he is wearing a time trial helmet?

This, at a guess.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:30 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Boy, one of those days when I am really glad to live in the age of the internet; those pictures are priceless. It's like a bad short story come to life and being absurdly great.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:35 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


This, at a guess.

A helmet, yes, but why a time trial helmet?!
posted by entropone at 7:37 AM on August 12, 2015


Or this guy?
posted by aeshnid at 7:39 AM on August 12, 2015


I've read just the first paragraph and I'm already guessing it's odds-on he's totally had sex with a goat.

How would he get those pants off? Other typical goat behaviors would also be difficult in pants, so this is a serious problem with this simulated goat experience!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:41 AM on August 12, 2015


I'm kinda disappointed he didn't call the project Capricorn One
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:46 AM on August 12, 2015 [12 favorites]


"But living as a goat—let alone navigating the region’s rocky, sloping terrain, Thwaites would soon discover—was far from easy. There was little time to get used to the prosthetics, which placed a painful amount of weight on his arms when travelling downhill. It was much too cold and rainy to sleep with the goats outside, so Thwaites and his team set up camp each night.
If thou hast run with the footmen, and they have wearied thee, then how canst thou contend with horses goats?
posted by octobersurprise at 7:54 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


♫♪ High on a hill was a lonely goatherd... ♩♬
posted by jcreigh at 7:55 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Tom Waits is GOAT.



Ohhh, "Thwaites".
posted by Herodios at 8:18 AM on August 12, 2015


I've read just the first paragraph and I'm already guessing it's odds-on he's totally had sex with a goat.

"Goat? Oh, I thought you said ghost."
posted by fuse theorem at 8:27 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


So he's the sheep guy from Wild Sheep Chase?
posted by OverlappingElvis at 8:29 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


What an odd man.
posted by mrgoat at 8:33 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


Picture him explaining himself to the Swiss farmers. 🐑
posted by Omnomnom at 8:41 AM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


This guy is awesome. In a previous project, he attempted to make a toaster out of raw materials he had gathered himself. Final price tag: £1187.54. Only book in recent memory that I devoured in a single day. I look forward to reading about life as a goat!
posted by mantecol at 8:43 AM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


good for you, mr high tech furry man. live your dreams!
posted by poffin boffin at 9:07 AM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]


Once he gets the prehensile penis attachment to keep his beard and legs sprayed down with urine, that will be the signal that he's gone full-goatfucker
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:23 AM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm kinda disappointed he didn't call the project Capricorn One

To be fair, that didn't end particularly well.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:17 AM on August 12, 2015


Couldn't he just doppel into a goat?
posted by stevis23 at 10:26 AM on August 12, 2015


Meh.
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:52 AM on August 12, 2015


Naaaaaaah.
posted by ocschwar at 12:14 PM on August 12, 2015


Anyone else feel like the elephant (or, uh, goat) in the room was not addressed?

HOW DID HE MAKE POOPIES?
posted by Mooseli at 1:21 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]


mmmmmm...Curried Thwaites.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:41 PM on August 12, 2015


and I thought the butt lips post was horrifying...
posted by Schlani at 9:02 PM on August 12, 2015


Violence & herd order
No matter how sweet and loving you goat may be with you, they will on occasion get violent with their herdmates. This is the natural ways of things, and no matter how you want them to always get along, there will be occasions where your goats fight and take "pot shots" at each other. A goat herd has a "pecking order"; every goat has there place in the herd. When you add new goats to a herd, they may get beat up by members of the established herd until the new goat's place in the herd is established. There is no way to stop the fighting, separating them won't help, because when you let them back together again, they will start the fighting again. Just let it run it's course
If this dude gets too accepted by the herd, he might end up beat up every day by the runtiest little kid on the hillside.

Because if The human body isn't designed to walk like a goat, it's REALLY not designed to win a headbutting contest with a goat
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:21 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


We're not living in Neuromancer, we're living in Transmetropolitan.
posted by el io at 9:26 PM on August 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


Wait, I don't care about goats, I want to know how to turn grass into food!
posted by charismatic megafauna at 11:26 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]


Okay, so I think I'd rather pick a cat than a goat, but I kinda agree with this:

"To be a nonhuman animal? So much calmer and simpler!" Thwaites wrote to me in another email. He wanted to explore what it would be like to live as a creature immune to the worries and frustrations—the "existential terror"—of everyday life, and to do so as authentically as possible with the technology that exists today.

Fuck yeah, I think I'd rather be a dumb animal than a human with all of our shitty human problems. I wanna head back DOWN the ladder too.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:48 PM on August 12, 2015


Oh no not this dude. He FAILED to make a toaster. I was so annoyed at the end of that book.
posted by jcruelty at 2:00 PM on August 13, 2015


Oh no not this dude. He FAILED to make a toaster. I was so annoyed at the end of that book.

I loved his toaster book. I mean, the whole point was that he failed, our modern globalized industrial blah blah you can't make stuff yourself anymore. (But I'll admit I was disappointed that he didn't have the guts to even plug in the toast warmer properly.) This goat thing, I'm waiting for the existential reveal on it.
posted by epanalepsis at 11:34 AM on August 14, 2015


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