a big week for the jets, if you like total disasters
August 12, 2015 2:22 PM Subscribe
On Tuesday, it emerged that New York Jets' starting quarterback Geno Smith would be out for 6-10 weeks after having his jaw broken by a locker room punch from now-former teammate IK Enemkpali over a $600 airline ticket, leading to possible assault charges. With Smith out, the Jets will start backup QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. In what some are calling a curse, this is the sixth team for which Fizpatrick will be subbing in for an injured starter. Meanwhile, Enemkpali has been picked up by the division rival Buffalo Bills. And since we're talking AFC East, here's a fantastic courtroom sketch of Tom Brady.
"posted by everybody had matching towels"
EponySecretSteelersFan
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [10 favorites]
EponySecretSteelersFan
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [10 favorites]
Also, the AFC East has:
-The Patriots, with Tom Brady deflate-ghazi
-The Bills, rotating three quarterbacks of dismal talent and skill
-The Jets, with this here Geno Smith thing
So now we just wait to see what QB mess descends upon the Dolphins, right?
posted by everybody had matching towels at 2:34 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
-The Patriots, with Tom Brady deflate-ghazi
-The Bills, rotating three quarterbacks of dismal talent and skill
-The Jets, with this here Geno Smith thing
So now we just wait to see what QB mess descends upon the Dolphins, right?
posted by everybody had matching towels at 2:34 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
Metafilter: The bluecheer report.
posted by Chuffy at 2:34 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 2:34 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
AFC East = the Storage Wars of the NFL
& I say this as a Bills fan
posted by activitystory at 2:37 PM on August 12, 2015 [11 favorites]
& I say this as a Bills fan
posted by activitystory at 2:37 PM on August 12, 2015 [11 favorites]
The Jets are going wire to wired shut in the AFC East this season!
posted by AJaffe at 2:38 PM on August 12, 2015
posted by AJaffe at 2:38 PM on August 12, 2015
Sadly the Jets will not be reuniting with Michael Vick as an alternative to Fitzpatrick.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:55 PM on August 12, 2015
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:55 PM on August 12, 2015
THE FITZPATRICK CURSE IS REAL.
Look at the man's career and tell me he's not a mystical being who destroys other quarterbacks.
He's drafted in the seventh round, an emergency QB for the Rams.
In his first season on the Rams, the starter and backup are injured by week 11. Fitzpatrick starts 3 games as the third-string emergency QB. Sucks less than anticipated.
Three years later, when Fitzpatrick was a backup on the Bengals, the starter Palmer was injured most the season. Fitzpatrick starts three-quarters of the season.
The next season, he's on the Bills as a backup. AND AGAIN THE STARTER GETS HURT. Fitzpatrick starts over half of the season. He becomes the Bills' starter for the next two. But alas, just as birds gotta fly, the Bills gotta be stupid, and they sign him to a contract that overpays him scandalously. So they have to cut him after 2012.
In 2013, Fitzpatrick is brought to the Titans as a backup. AND THEN THE STARTER GETS HURT. Fitzpatrick starts over half of the season.
In 2014, the Texans sign him as a starter. The cycle is broken! Then in cosmic irony, he loses the job, benched for Ryan Mallett. BUT NO, THE MONSTER FITZ MUST BE APPEASED. The backup who took over gets injured and FITZ RISES AGAIN.
In 2015, he's a backup on the Jets. AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.
He's been on six teams as a backup. And he has become the starter on ALL SIX. This is not football. This is witchcraft.
Ryan Fitzpatrick is not a man. He is the Wrath of Backup Quarterbacks made flesh. HE IS A MONSTER. FEAR HIM.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 2:59 PM on August 12, 2015 [67 favorites]
Look at the man's career and tell me he's not a mystical being who destroys other quarterbacks.
He's drafted in the seventh round, an emergency QB for the Rams.
In his first season on the Rams, the starter and backup are injured by week 11. Fitzpatrick starts 3 games as the third-string emergency QB. Sucks less than anticipated.
Three years later, when Fitzpatrick was a backup on the Bengals, the starter Palmer was injured most the season. Fitzpatrick starts three-quarters of the season.
The next season, he's on the Bills as a backup. AND AGAIN THE STARTER GETS HURT. Fitzpatrick starts over half of the season. He becomes the Bills' starter for the next two. But alas, just as birds gotta fly, the Bills gotta be stupid, and they sign him to a contract that overpays him scandalously. So they have to cut him after 2012.
In 2013, Fitzpatrick is brought to the Titans as a backup. AND THEN THE STARTER GETS HURT. Fitzpatrick starts over half of the season.
In 2014, the Texans sign him as a starter. The cycle is broken! Then in cosmic irony, he loses the job, benched for Ryan Mallett. BUT NO, THE MONSTER FITZ MUST BE APPEASED. The backup who took over gets injured and FITZ RISES AGAIN.
In 2015, he's a backup on the Jets. AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.
He's been on six teams as a backup. And he has become the starter on ALL SIX. This is not football. This is witchcraft.
Ryan Fitzpatrick is not a man. He is the Wrath of Backup Quarterbacks made flesh. HE IS A MONSTER. FEAR HIM.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 2:59 PM on August 12, 2015 [67 favorites]
My favorite part of the story is the hidden social rules of an NFL team. Spurrier when asked if he ever had a player punched a QB said "I've never had a player punch a quarterback but I've also never had a quarterback who owed a player money". This is because the QB is the star and often the wealthiest player on the team and is utterly dependent on the other players to keep him alive. Owing money and weaseling out on debts is a good way to end up blindsided by a 250lb linebacker.
posted by srboisvert at 2:59 PM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 2:59 PM on August 12, 2015 [9 favorites]
Oh man, I've been following this with such glee. And just when I thought the Jets couldn't top their trolling of the Pats practice (fans hired a plane to fly a "cheaters!" banner).
Best Twitter burn on the incident: "You know Geno threw some punches too, but they were all 5-10 yards off target."
posted by TwoStride at 3:05 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
Best Twitter burn on the incident: "You know Geno threw some punches too, but they were all 5-10 yards off target."
posted by TwoStride at 3:05 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
Why Your Team Sucks 2015: New York Jets
Part of a series that will cover all the teams.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:12 PM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]
Part of a series that will cover all the teams.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:12 PM on August 12, 2015 [3 favorites]
This is not football. This is witchcraft.
Personally, if I were a backup quarterback, I'd prefer the starter never get injured and live the life of (Matt) Flynn.
posted by drezdn at 3:14 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
Personally, if I were a backup quarterback, I'd prefer the starter never get injured and live the life of (Matt) Flynn.
posted by drezdn at 3:14 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
Ryan Tannehill has the opportunity to be the best starting QB in the AFC East on week 1 for the first and only time in his life. This is seriously the most Jetsiest thing that the Jets ever Jetted.
posted by feloniousmonk at 3:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by feloniousmonk at 3:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
& I say this as a Bills fan
I am also a Bills fan (username notwithstanding) and I have to ask, how are you approaching this season? I find myself deeply conflicted by some of these pickups (but not Rex's actual pickup, that is a great vehicle).
posted by everybody had matching towels at 3:33 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am also a Bills fan (username notwithstanding) and I have to ask, how are you approaching this season? I find myself deeply conflicted by some of these pickups (but not Rex's actual pickup, that is a great vehicle).
posted by everybody had matching towels at 3:33 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is the most Jets story that has ever Jetted.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:45 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:45 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Patriots should fly a banner over Jets practice that simply says, "And you're still the Jets."
posted by COD at 3:46 PM on August 12, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by COD at 3:46 PM on August 12, 2015 [5 favorites]
Important Safety Tip: When your paychecks are like $50,000 more than the other guy's, and you owe him $600, be a man and just pay him. Taunting him by pointing a finger into his face and saying, "You're not going to do anything about it," is a bad look.
posted by ob1quixote at 3:53 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by ob1quixote at 3:53 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
Harvey Jerkwater: "Look at the man's career and tell me he's not a mystical being who destroys other quarterbacks."
Damn. That is a crazy sequence of events. But, I have a different interpretation. Maybe Fitzpatrick isn't some kind of QB soul-reaping demon. Maybe he's a guy who got a genie wish. And he's like "Ok. I'll wish to be a quarterback. No, wait. I should specify NFL so he doesn't try to trick me and send me to the Saskatchewan Roughriders or something. Oh, and I should specify starting QB so I don't spend my whole time on the bench. Yeah. That should do it. All right, Genie. I wish to be a starting quarterback in the NFL." And poof. Wish granted.
posted by mhum at 4:12 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
Damn. That is a crazy sequence of events. But, I have a different interpretation. Maybe Fitzpatrick isn't some kind of QB soul-reaping demon. Maybe he's a guy who got a genie wish. And he's like "Ok. I'll wish to be a quarterback. No, wait. I should specify NFL so he doesn't try to trick me and send me to the Saskatchewan Roughriders or something. Oh, and I should specify starting QB so I don't spend my whole time on the bench. Yeah. That should do it. All right, Genie. I wish to be a starting quarterback in the NFL." And poof. Wish granted.
posted by mhum at 4:12 PM on August 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
Could be worse. Could be Jay Cutler.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:32 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:32 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
This is why we can't have nice steroids.
posted by Chitownfats at 4:51 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Chitownfats at 4:51 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Rex Ryan and the Bills picked up IK Enemkpali today. Is he trolling the Jets with that move?
OF COURSE he's trolling the Jets with that move.
IK Enemkpali will start exactly two games this season.
posted by eriko at 5:10 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
OF COURSE he's trolling the Jets with that move.
IK Enemkpali will start exactly two games this season.
posted by eriko at 5:10 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
When you a Jet
You're a Jet all the way
From you first broken jaw
To your Butt Fumble play.
posted by eriko at 5:11 PM on August 12, 2015 [28 favorites]
You're a Jet all the way
From you first broken jaw
To your Butt Fumble play.
posted by eriko at 5:11 PM on August 12, 2015 [28 favorites]
Could be worse. Could be Jay Cutler.
DON'T CARE.
posted by eriko at 5:40 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
DON'T CARE.
posted by eriko at 5:40 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
Game of Thrones made much more sense after I learned that George R.R. Martin is a Jets fan. The Starks are just lucky he doesn't root for the Browns.
posted by drezdn at 5:40 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by drezdn at 5:40 PM on August 12, 2015 [4 favorites]
This is the most Jets story that has ever Jetted.
Absolutely. Here is mefi favorite Jon Bois's pithy commentary on this incident: infinite jets.
posted by chrchr at 5:42 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
Absolutely. Here is mefi favorite Jon Bois's pithy commentary on this incident: infinite jets.
posted by chrchr at 5:42 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
God damn I wish Fitzpatrick hadn't tried to outsmart that genie. The Riders could really use a QB this season.
posted by wollaston at 5:50 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wollaston at 5:50 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Patriots should fly a banner over Jets practice that simply says, "And you're still the Jets."
/------------------------\ |~~\_____/~~\__ |
| HOW ABOUT A NICE |______________ \______====== )-+
| HAWAIIAN PUNCH? - NE | ~~~|/~~ |
\------------------------/ ()posted by eriko at 5:53 PM on August 12, 2015 [14 favorites] Jets AND Giants fan, drezdn. Tragedy and triumph.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:01 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Drinky Die at 6:01 PM on August 12, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is the one team in football where the starting QB could get his jaw broken and it's arguably a net positive for the offense.
It's not that I'm wishing ill on the Jets, as there are other teams much more worthy of my bile. (It gladdens my heart every day that the Oakland Raiders have been a silver-and-black egg fart for a decade plus.)
posted by delfin at 6:15 PM on August 12, 2015
It's not that I'm wishing ill on the Jets, as there are other teams much more worthy of my bile. (It gladdens my heart every day that the Oakland Raiders have been a silver-and-black egg fart for a decade plus.)
posted by delfin at 6:15 PM on August 12, 2015
So assault is funny to you? God forbid someone sucker punch you and break your jaw in 2 places.
This should go in the Metafilter Hall of Fame for "Most Metafilter-ish Comment Ever."
posted by saladin at 6:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [19 favorites]
This should go in the Metafilter Hall of Fame for "Most Metafilter-ish Comment Ever."
posted by saladin at 6:30 PM on August 12, 2015 [19 favorites]
So, back in 2011 we were visiting NYC, and when we went to check in at our hotel, the concierge was talking to a couple who were asking about booking tickets to either a football or baseball game.
He said the following - loudly, and in a straight-out-of-central-casting New Yawk accent:
"I strongly recommend you go to a Yankees game. You'll have a much more civilized experience there. You go to a Jets game? They're all a bunch of animals there."
I don't really follow football, so I'll just leave this here.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:31 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
He said the following - loudly, and in a straight-out-of-central-casting New Yawk accent:
"I strongly recommend you go to a Yankees game. You'll have a much more civilized experience there. You go to a Jets game? They're all a bunch of animals there."
I don't really follow football, so I'll just leave this here.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:31 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Wait why is he still playing in the NFL after breaking his team mates jaw in an argument over money? Also why isn't he in jail?
posted by humanfont at 9:03 PM on August 12, 2015
posted by humanfont at 9:03 PM on August 12, 2015
He's still playing in the NFL because Rex Ryan picked him up off waivers. Rex Ryan used to be the Jets coach but moved on to become the Bills coach. I'm not a football fan but from the gist of the podcasts that I've been listening to seems to be that Geno Smith wasn't winning and that he should have paid the man his money.
posted by rdr at 9:32 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rdr at 9:32 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
Rex Ryan, for people who don't know him, comes from a family of coaches who really enjoy trolling their rivals. That's the main reason for the move. The NFL might want to consider at least suspending him though, if this had been a higher profile QB it could have been a disaster for the league.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:37 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Drinky Die at 9:37 PM on August 12, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Could be worse. Could be Jay Cutler."
If Jay owed a teammate 600 bucks, he woulda paid it -- only, to an opposing team member.
posted by Chitownfats at 10:51 PM on August 12, 2015 [6 favorites]
If Jay owed a teammate 600 bucks, he woulda paid it -- only, to an opposing team member.
posted by Chitownfats at 10:51 PM on August 12, 2015 [6 favorites]
As a Bills fan, I'm approaching this season as I have approached most recent seasons - with minimal expectations and general amusement. It's a game. It should be fun. Anytime I get my hopes up too much, I get hurt so let's all just have fun. Go Bills!
posted by kat518 at 6:17 AM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by kat518 at 6:17 AM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Could be worse. Could be Jay Cutler.
Jay Cutler could only get better with a broken jaw.
posted by srboisvert at 8:16 AM on August 13, 2015
Jay Cutler could only get better with a broken jaw.
posted by srboisvert at 8:16 AM on August 13, 2015
Rex Ryan, for people who don't know him, comes from a family of coaches who really enjoy trolling their rivals.
And, as best I remember from a longform article in Sports Illustrated when I was a kid, a family that believes in fist fights. Buddy said he didn't feel like he was a man until he finally beat up his dad. Which was a contest they regularly had with one arm tied to a tree so no one could run away. So that might color Rex's perception of the incident.
Plus Rex's vision is focused a little lower down the body most times anyway.
posted by yerfatma at 8:37 AM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
And, as best I remember from a longform article in Sports Illustrated when I was a kid, a family that believes in fist fights. Buddy said he didn't feel like he was a man until he finally beat up his dad. Which was a contest they regularly had with one arm tied to a tree so no one could run away. So that might color Rex's perception of the incident.
Plus Rex's vision is focused a little lower down the body most times anyway.
posted by yerfatma at 8:37 AM on August 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
everybody_had_matching_towels: At first I was furious they went with Rex. Like walk-away-and-take-a-minute furious. But then to see how the city reacted, the tattoo and truck business, and the way the players seem to be responding, I'm optimistic. I'm not sure I know how to deal with a coach with charisma, but I think it's a big step up morale-wise, even if it's a charisma I find pretty gross. But willing to believe that intangibles count along way in this division.
posted by activitystory at 9:46 AM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by activitystory at 9:46 AM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
Jets AND Giants fan, drezdn. Tragedy and triumph.
IIRC GRRM said something like:
Giants = Starks
Jets = Tyrells
This doesn't bode well for my Flowers. :(
posted by ZeroAmbition at 12:50 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
IIRC GRRM said something like:
Giants = Starks
Jets = Tyrells
This doesn't bode well for my Flowers. :(
posted by ZeroAmbition at 12:50 PM on August 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
And, as best I remember from a longform article in Sports Illustrated when I was a kid, a family that believes in fist fights.
True.
Buddy Ryan delivers the goods … and finally a punch
posted by Drinky Die at 1:29 PM on August 13, 2015
True.
Buddy Ryan delivers the goods … and finally a punch
posted by Drinky Die at 1:29 PM on August 13, 2015
If someone owes you $600 and you decide to smash their face as a means of collecting, then you should spend some time away from society in jail.
Also given the problems the NFL has with player violence off the field the NFL ought to ban him.
posted by humanfont at 1:54 PM on August 13, 2015
Also given the problems the NFL has with player violence off the field the NFL ought to ban him.
posted by humanfont at 1:54 PM on August 13, 2015
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