"the biggest clue yet about the future of the Disney metaverse"
August 17, 2015 1:20 PM   Subscribe

 
Is Chris Pratt in an Indiana Jones reboot an actual thing that might be happening?

I would like to buy my advanced tickets now, please.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:33 PM on August 17, 2015


It's 2020, the oceans are rising and everyone is slated to be in a Disney movie this summer.

Everyone.
posted by The Whelk at 1:34 PM on August 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


Everyone?
posted by entropicamericana at 1:36 PM on August 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


I love how they run with it , just keep going.
posted by signal at 1:39 PM on August 17, 2015


I did not enjoy the article, but I did like the meta humor of a technology site giving in to click bait pop culture coverage having this in an article:

Your appetite for Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, and Frozen 2 news has allowed me to expand at a rate I couldn't have imagined. While I'm proud of our five-person team — two reporters, two video producers, and myself — we have plans to expand even further.

With an eye to the future, we're currently looking to fill the following roles:

Junior Disney Animation Reporter
Senior Marvel Reporter
Star Wars Intern
Senior Disney GIF Maker
Senior Disney Snapchat Strategist


At least they know themselves.
posted by zabuni at 1:47 PM on August 17, 2015


The Guardians of the Galaxy post-post-post-credits scene will blow your fanboy mind
When you see Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 be sure to stay in the theater at least 10 minutes after the staff politely asks you to leave.


I LOL'ed.
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:55 PM on August 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


I would totally see X-Men in X-Wings.
posted by Johnny Assay at 1:57 PM on August 17, 2015 [4 favorites]


X-Men in X-Wings.

Coming this X-Mas!
posted by Jeanne at 2:09 PM on August 17, 2015 [20 favorites]


Seems far fetched now, but what Disney is doing today would have seemed improbable a decade ago.
posted by ZeusHumms at 2:10 PM on August 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


You keep using those words, "Disney Metaverse". I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

posted by RonButNotStupid at 2:10 PM on August 17, 2015


At the very least, they could have mentioned the upcoming Darkwing Duck versus Gizmoduck movie that's due in 2018
posted by RonButNotStupid at 2:12 PM on August 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ahem—SPOILER ALERT!
posted by adamrice at 2:19 PM on August 17, 2015


I can't tell if the sicker burns are on Disney or on online entertainment news outlets.
posted by chrchr at 2:24 PM on August 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Everyone?

Also, I have to be amused by this, which could have come from any number of sites:

August 10th, 2019
Opinion: Why we should be terrified about the fine print in Disney's Soul Rights contract

August 11th, 2019
32 awesome ways Disney might use Robert Downey Jr.'s soul rights

posted by Halloween Jack at 2:28 PM on August 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


Ultimately I was kind of surprised how toothless the satire of Disney really was in this article. Martian theme parks and genetically modified chimeras are obviously unlikely to happen any time soon, while in real life Disney is constantly hard at work manufacturing actually dystopian intellectual property law. Forget about getting fed to a mouse man, I'm much more worried about living in a world where the public domain no longer exists.
posted by One Second Before Awakening at 2:30 PM on August 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


On an unrelated note, if you got a kick out of the Soul Rights Contract stuff, you'd probably enjoy the recent part-live-action-part-animated sci-fi film The Congress, which is all about that exact concept.
posted by One Second Before Awakening at 2:32 PM on August 17, 2015 [7 favorites]


Apparently there's a scene in Jon Favreau's forthcoming Jungle Book reboot where a modified yellow Grumman Goose can be clearly seen flying in the background, CONFIRMING that there's a Tale Spin movie in the works.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 2:35 PM on August 17, 2015


Glad to see Plante's keeping busy after killing the Besties by leaving Polygon.
posted by Caduceus at 2:38 PM on August 17, 2015


One Second Before Awakening: "you'd probably enjoy the recent part-live-action-part-animated sci-fi film The Congress, which is all about that exact concept"

Plus present day Robin Wright as future day Robin Wright. Which is soooo PKD, even though it's based on a Stanislaw Lem novel.
posted by signal at 2:38 PM on August 17, 2015




Glad to see Plante's keeping busy after killing the Besties by leaving Polygon.

The Besties was so damn dumb but so damn fun too.
posted by kmz at 2:57 PM on August 17, 2015


2017: Cars 3
2019: Cars 4
2020: Cars 5
2022: Cars 6
2024: Cars 7
2026: Cars 8
2028: Cars 9
2030: Cars 10
2032: Cars 11
2034: Cars 12
2036: Cars 13
2038: Cars 14
2040: Cars 15
2042: Miramax Presents "Cars 16: The Fault In Our Cars"
posted by schmod at 3:13 PM on August 17, 2015 [9 favorites]


Also, to put aside my 90s kid nostalgia for a moment, if you're going to map out a fictional list of upcoming Disney films, you had damn well better include Gravity Falls somewhere in it.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:19 PM on August 17, 2015 [2 favorites]


Uh, to bring my 90s kid nostalgia back, I want a Gargoyles movie somewhere in there.
posted by maryr at 3:28 PM on August 17, 2015 [5 favorites]


I like this future prediction cause it contains the mere glimmer of hope that Ms. Marvel will make it to the screen at some point in the far future.
posted by The Whelk at 3:30 PM on August 17, 2015


nerds stop trying to make unified continuity happen

bad nerds
posted by boo_radley at 3:40 PM on August 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


nominated for an adaptation of Richard III set inside the offices of a Silicon Valley social media app

please make that
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 3:57 PM on August 17, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ultimately I was kind of surprised how toothless the satire of Disney really was in this article.

Watch this. The end is the best bit.
posted by Pendragon at 4:13 PM on August 17, 2015 [6 favorites]


The story follows Star-Lord and his comrades Groot, Rocket, Howard the Duck, Drax, and Gamora, who — following a cosmic time rip triggered by Howard the Duck's five-alarm bean burrito farts — are now infants training to become jedis.

I am 100% sure I've read this fanfic on tumblr.
posted by FritoKAL at 4:26 PM on August 17, 2015 [3 favorites]


Pendragon, THAT is more like it!
posted by One Second Before Awakening at 4:29 PM on August 17, 2015


nominated for an adaptation of Richard III set inside the offices of a Silicon Valley social media app

"The Wintr of Our Discontent"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 4:49 PM on August 17, 2015 [18 favorites]


Ultimately I was kind of surprised how toothless the satire of Disney really was in this article. Martian theme parks and genetically modified chimeras are obviously unlikely to happen any time soon, while in real life Disney is constantly hard at work manufacturing actually dystopian intellectual property law.

You claim this article is dystopian, but it describes a world in which DC gives up and just makes LEGO versions of all their superhero movies.
posted by straight at 5:55 PM on August 17, 2015


I would take all of this, including Disney optioning everyone's soul rights, to get a Ms. Marvel movie only 5 years from now.

+1 for Newsies reference: "Now is the time to seize the day," said Bale. "Stare down the odds, and seize the day."
posted by Catenation at 8:58 PM on August 17, 2015


One Second Before Awakening,
I believe Disney Corp. acquired Epic Rap Battles of History last year when they bought Maker Studios. "Walt Disney" alludes to this in his section of the rap.

It's anthropomorphic mice all the way down.
posted by bstreep at 12:16 AM on August 18, 2015


That's... pretty unnerving.
posted by One Second Before Awakening at 7:38 AM on August 18, 2015


If you'd like to hear the song, it is available exclusively to subscribers of the Tidal channel in Apple Music and on the limited vinyl release of the Mulan 2: Make a Woman Out of You Official Soundtrack.

And it was going so well until they brought up Tidal. That really broke the suspension of disbelief thing there.
posted by RedOrGreen at 12:07 PM on August 18, 2015


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