“Daniel-san, you look revenge. That way you start by digging two grave!”
August 24, 2015 11:36 AM   Subscribe

 


You know, I forgot about that ground fighting incident on the soccer field. Daniel did pretty well. He probably would have had an easier time pursuing that tact!
posted by ignignokt at 11:42 AM on August 24, 2015


You know, I forgot about that ground fighting incident on the soccer field. Daniel did pretty well. He probably would have had an easier time pursuing that tact!

Yeah but The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Kid wouldn't have had the same ring to it back then. (But if someone decides to make that movie, I would like to nominate this totally awesome kid for the lead. Because he is my son.)
posted by The Bellman at 12:02 PM on August 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I love how this is at a complete 90 degree angle to truth. If Bush and Cheney are ever in front of a judge for war crimes, they should hire the narrator as their lawyer.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 12:04 PM on August 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


That's hysterical. I had completely forgotten that Johnny had, you know, dialog, and that Ali had initially rebuffed Daniel.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:10 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


this is incredible.
posted by nadawi at 12:11 PM on August 24, 2015


I love how this is at a complete 90 degree angle to truth. If Bush and Cheney are ever in front of a judge for war crimes, they should hire the narrator as their lawyer.

"After receiving a vicious beating from Mr. LaRusso, my client was forced to sweep Mr. LaRusso's leg in fear of his life. Mr. LaRusso then employed an advanced, possibly lethal technique directed at my client's head, which my client was lucky to survive.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you cannot allow this savage, bloodthirsty thug to walk free on the streets where he can use the dangerous skills taught to him by this irresponsible 'Miyagi-sensei' to harm others."
posted by Sangermaine at 12:18 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Proof-that-you're-old-filter: Ralph Macchio is older today than Pat Morita was when filming the Karate Kid.
posted by namewithoutwords at 12:28 PM on August 24, 2015 [32 favorites]




That Crane kick was a completely illegal move. Daniel-san should have been disqualified.
posted by leotrotsky at 12:29 PM on August 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


Proof-that-you're-old-filter

THERE IS NO NAMEWITHOUTWORDS IN THIS DOJO, IS THERE?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:30 PM on August 24, 2015


What rule set lets you kick to the face that hard? How did he even win?
posted by Carillon at 12:32 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I remember seeing some kind of write-up about how He-Man and his friends are actually the villains in their story, invading Eternia and trying to force out its indigenous people, who rally around Skeletor as a leader of their resistance. I thought I encountered that here, but I can't place it....
posted by gurple at 12:33 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Isn't there one (maybe Karate Kid III) where he wins the karate tournament with a throw?
posted by ignignokt at 12:34 PM on August 24, 2015


I love how this is at a complete 90 degree angle to truth. If Bush and Cheney are ever in front of a judge for war crimes, they should hire the narrator as their lawyer.

Actually, as much as I laughed at the video (and that comment) , I can't argue with the facts presented:

1. Ralph inserts himself into altercation
2. Johnny tries to de-escalate 2x
3. Ralph attacks again, Johnny retaliates, then attempts to end the conflict, when he is assaulted again.
4. Johnny uses a non-lethal disabling technique, and then leaves the scene

Seems legit!
posted by das_2099 at 12:38 PM on August 24, 2015


Proof-that-you're-old-filter: Ralph Macchio is older today than Pat Morita was when filming the Karate Kid.

Well, proof that Ralph Macchio is old. ;)
posted by Celsius1414 at 12:38 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I remember seeing some kind of write-up about how He-Man and his friends are actually the villains in their story, invading Eternia and trying to force out its indigenous people, who rally around Skeletor as a leader of their resistance. I thought I encountered that here, but I can't place it....

I have a perhaps similar theory about how Rainbow Brite is a manual for oppression of the working class.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:52 PM on August 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ralph Maccio is also older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon.
posted by maxsparber at 12:58 PM on August 24, 2015 [17 favorites]


Actually, as much as I laughed at the video (and that comment) , I can't argue with the facts presented

If you watch the actual scene with the dialogue it comes off a little differently.

1. Johnny violently breaks Ali's radio, and things seem to be getting heated.
2. Danny steps in - not his business, but tries to verbally deescalate. "Hey man, what's going on? Just give it back..."
3. Johnny shoves him down and rolls up his sleeves, preparing for a fight.
4. Danny comes at him, gets tripped down. x2
5. Johnny escalates by mockingly saying "toro" at Danny. Danny runs at him. Johnny then kicks him in the gut.
6. "Look, you started this! All I wanted to do is talk" Johnny says to Ali. She tells him to leave Danny alone, and they'll go talk. "Yeah, where did I hear that before?" Turns back to continue fighting Danny.
7. "What about you, hero? You have enough?" He asks while standing over Danny, who pops up and hits him in the face.
8. Danny, backing away: "Okay, okay. Come on, now we're even. We're even." Holds out his hand to shake while defending his face.
9. Johnny KO's him with a few kicks and punches.

Johnny's totally a bully, but it seems like Danny could benefit from Doc Brown showing up and teaching him that you don't have to respond when people call you a chicken.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 1:02 PM on August 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Ralph Maccio is also older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon.

I have been pointing out to people recently that Tom Cruise (who hangs off the side of a flying plane in the most recent MI movie) is older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon. Once upon a time my take away would have been "man that guy is way too old to be parading around as an action hero." Strangely, though, it has recently shifted to "man, that guy was way too young to have been stuck in a retirement home."
posted by The Bellman at 1:10 PM on August 24, 2015 [25 favorites]


Yeah yeah yeah and the Rebels are the real enemy in Star Wars. I heard something about that at the Quick Stop.
posted by alex_skazat at 1:19 PM on August 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


Hiring twenty-somethings to play teenagers and just-turned-fifties to play old geezers is a long-held Hollywood tradition. It avoids sudden growth spurts or sudden onsets of Alzheimer's from occurring to actors between seasons of TV series (or before the movie's sequel). That said, I found the rapid aging Pat Morita experienced between his last season as Arnold the Drive-In Owner on "Happy Days" (1983) and Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" (1984) to be rather jarring. But if you could accept that, then EVERY other illogical thing in that movie was an easy leap of logic.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:23 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


The most illegal thing I've ever seen in Karate.
posted by Artw at 1:42 PM on August 24, 2015 [8 favorites]


Ralph Maccio is also older than Wilford Brimley was in Cocoon.

Those are really the two best actors to go to when doing that YOU ARE OLD thing, since Macchio played ten years his junior in The Karate Kid while, at the same time, Brimley was playing twenty years his senior in Cocoon; it seems like a much greater gulf than it really is. They're really only 25 years apart.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:42 PM on August 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is a full-on lawyering of the Karate Kid. Amusing but no.

Isn't there one (maybe Karate Kid III) where he wins the karate tournament with a throw?

He won with a chop to the center mass after he flipped the dude.
posted by echocollate at 1:47 PM on August 24, 2015


Sweep the Leg, Johnny
posted by joecacti at 1:55 PM on August 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have a perhaps similar theory about how Rainbow Brite is a manual for oppression of the working class.

Mine is that Fraggle Rock is just a Muppetized version of Metropolis.
posted by Gygesringtone at 2:01 PM on August 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


Brimley derailment! Dude was only 49 at the time he filmed Cocoon.
posted by Chuffy at 3:25 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have a perhaps similar theory about how Rainbow Brite is a manual for oppression of the working class.

Mine is that Fraggle Rock is just a Muppetized version of Metropolis


Mine has to do with a (secretly nefarious) plate of beans.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:28 PM on August 24, 2015


Mine was the recently realized revelation (with the help of annathea's comment) that the protagonists of Bring It On, Rancho Carne Toros, are the bad guys. Let's run down the list:
  1. The Toros are rich and privileged in every way, yet still resort to cheating to win.
  2. Not only do they cheat, they cheat in the most despicable way -- by stealing routines from the East Compton Clovers, a superior team that never goes to the regional tournaments because they haven't been able to afford it.
  3. When their cheating is first exposed by the Clovers who bravely show them up at their own football game, their first instinct is to... cheat some more by hiring Sparky Polastri, the ringer choreographer. (Also, how did Aaron, Torrance's boyfriend, already have Sparky's number?)
  4. In fact, their big fundraising bikini car wash wasn't so that they could afford to go to regionals (that was never in question); it was to fund their hiring of Sparky.
  5. In the end, they're lose to the East Compton Clovers, the actual good guys.
On a plot structure note, the "all is lost" moment doesn't even happen to the Toros. It actually happens (mostly off-screen) to the Clovers when they lose the funding they need to go to nationals.
posted by mhum at 7:16 PM on August 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


On a plot structure note, the "all is lost" moment doesn't even happen to the Toros.

Even when they are caught cheating, they're still allowed to go to the Nationals. Now that's privilege.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:39 PM on August 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Before the storyline completely falls apart, it's pretty clear that Cigarette Smoking Man & Associates are the good guys in The X-Files, with Mulder's misguided crusade threatening their desperate clandestine attempts to prevent colonization.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 7:46 PM on August 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I thought they were trying to manage a colonization that they saw as inevitable, so they would retain a measure of control for themselves.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:44 PM on August 24, 2015


Fight the future!
posted by Artw at 8:49 PM on August 24, 2015


That's what they wanted you to think.
posted by wabbittwax at 8:53 PM on August 24, 2015


Stopped watching when the narrator used the word "sportball".
posted by enjoymoreradio at 9:27 PM on August 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


seriously, everyone knows it's 'sportsball.'
posted by snuffleupagus at 10:01 PM on August 24, 2015


I didn't realize hiring a choreographer who shopped the same routine around was cheating. I thought it just made them look stupid and unoriginal. Are there actual rules against that? Purposely copying another routine is clearly unethical plagiarism, but I'm not even sure if that's considered cheating either. Is it cheating to watch another football team and use their plays? Bad behavior isn't always against the rules and I don't know the rules of cheer leading so I'd be interested in what's actually disallowed in competitive cheer.
posted by Green With You at 9:46 AM on August 25, 2015


Yeah yeah yeah and the Rebels are the real enemy in Star Wars. I heard something about that at the Quick Stop.

Baloney, contractors are well aware of the politics of their job choices.
posted by phearlez at 11:58 AM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Mike Goldberg: "That is the Karate Kid."
Joe Rogan: "It..it is! That's the crane technique...no can defend."
posted by growli at 2:52 PM on August 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Green With You: "I didn't realize hiring a choreographer who shopped the same routine around was cheating."

Ok, yes. I glossed over this to make a punchier list. They actually go over this in detail at the conclusion of regionals when the official from the cheerleading organization comes over to talk to Torrance. Technically, what they did was not against the rules of the tournament but just heavily frowned upon and apparently unprecedented (at that level). If I recall correctly, they even convened a sub-committee meeting to figure out what sanction they could issue only to find none. Yet, it was clear to everyone involved that even if what they were doing wasn't technically cheating, it was (in that world) the moral equivalent of cheating (and probably that they would amend the rules to cover this loophole in the future). Anyways, the Toros were strongly warned by the official that they better not pull that same shit at nationals -- which, the Toros were guaranteed a spot at since they were reigning champs so they had a bye all the way to nationals (huh? what is this, pre-1922 Wimbledon?). This raises the whole question of why were they even participating in the regional tournament at all if their performance there didn't even matter?
posted by mhum at 8:46 PM on August 25, 2015


OMG, I somehow forgot that actually, happened growli. I strive to remember it every day. Thanks for helping me with that!
posted by ignignokt at 8:51 AM on August 26, 2015


leotrotsky: "That Crane kick was a completely illegal move."

Late to the party, but: how so?
posted by Bugbread at 4:37 PM on August 26, 2015


'Break your opponent's nose' isn't really a valid strategy for tournament competitions.

Here's the gist of it from Overthinking It: '"Disqualify Daniel LaRusso."
posted by snuffleupagus at 11:17 PM on August 26, 2015


snuffleupagus: "Here's the gist of it from Overthinking It: '"Disqualify Daniel LaRusso.""

Ah, here's why I didn't get it:
"I have consulted the USANKF Sport Karate Rules, and they make it very clear that in a tournament, you do not have a license to strike someone as hard as you can."
and
"Terry Bryan...emailed me back...'Depending on the rules of that specific tournament but in most, yes he would have been disqualified.'"
In Kyokushin karate, which is the one I'm most familiar with, that kick would have been totally legal. Since we don't know the rules of that tournament, I just defaulted to assuming Kyokushin rules, and I guess leotrotsky defaulted to assuming USANKF Sport Karate rules.
posted by Bugbread at 3:26 PM on August 27, 2015


Do competitors actually attempt to cause that kind of injury in Kyokushin? That kick could easily cause permanent, serious injury. Are competitors allowed to trap a limb to break the bone or dislocate a joint?
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:25 PM on August 28, 2015


Kyokushin is very intense, but there are no strikes to the head in competition.

I don't know whether joint dislocation is allowed, but it isn't in most full-contact striking martial arts. In grappling arts, it's allowed, but so is submitting when you are in a lock. It's a neat way to get the best of both worlds: full resistance practice while also protecting practitioners.
posted by ignignokt at 6:18 PM on August 28, 2015


People don't attempt to cause that kind of injury, per se, but that move would have been legal. No limb trapping/grabbing/holding, and no attacks on joints, but just the act of kicking someone so hard their bone breaks is not against the rules.

I suspect it's not really something people strive to do because if you're hitting someone so hard their bone breaks, you're just as likely to get your own bone broken instead.

Some guys in class were talking about a famous match they saw where one guy's leg broke, and he kept on fighting, kicking with his broken leg. 1) That's crazy, and unusual, and the kind of thing people talk about precisely because it's not typical, but more than that 2) I have no idea if his leg got broken because someone kicked it, or if it got broken because he kicked and someone blocked it.

So, no, as far as I've seen in tournaments, people don't try to cause that kind of injury. But it's not because it's illegal, it's because it's hard to do and dangerous to the attacker as well.

ignignokt: "Kyokushin is very intense, but there are no strikes to the head in competition."

By "strike" are you referring to specifically hand attacks, or any kind of attack? Because hand attacks (or whatever they're called -- punches, elbows, etc.) to the head are illegal moves, but kicks to the head are okay.
posted by Bugbread at 6:24 PM on August 28, 2015


Then again, a white belt or low belt high school kid would be wearing a head guard thing, too. Head-guardless fighting is only for green-belts and up, aged 18 to 39 (I think).
posted by Bugbread at 8:00 AM on August 29, 2015


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