Onward, intrepid hero.
September 21, 2015 12:36 PM   Subscribe

New York rat drags a slice of pizza down subway steps. Insert joke about inferiority of your preferred regional pizza here.
posted by phunniemee (106 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
 
Lets just be clear: if the pizza was actually any good, the cameraman would have stolen it from the rat and eaten it anyway.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:39 PM on September 21, 2015 [10 favorites]


Except for the part where he abandons it. Must not have been that good.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:40 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Other rats: "Yeah, we get it, you live in New York."
posted by codacorolla at 12:41 PM on September 21, 2015 [76 favorites]


This noble creature is an example to us all
posted by poffin boffin at 12:42 PM on September 21, 2015 [10 favorites]


Maybe the rat smelled a competing slice of deep dish, the pizza of rats.
posted by oceanjesse at 12:42 PM on September 21, 2015 [8 favorites]


Don't be silly, what rat could get a slice of deep dish down the stairs on its own
posted by poffin boffin at 12:43 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Wait, deep dish pizza is rats??!?

Deep dish pizza is made out of rats. They're making our food out of rats. Next thing they'll be breeding them like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!
posted by Naberius at 12:45 PM on September 21, 2015 [7 favorites]


I once spent several minutes watching a rat on the tracks try to jump onto a platform about 6 inches above the tracks with half a bagel. He would back up . . . run run run . . . and JUMP, and slide down the wall. I was rooting so hard for the little guy I actually let out a little cheer when he finally made it.
posted by Mavri at 12:46 PM on September 21, 2015 [34 favorites]


Don't be silly, what rat could get a slice of deep dish down the stairs on its own

Years ago, sadly before I had a phone with a camera, I saw the fattest squirrel I have ever seen in my life perched on a Giordano's box sticking out of a trash bin. If you're a rodent eating deep dish, dining out is pretty much your only option.
posted by phunniemee at 12:46 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


Obviously a tourist rat. He doesn't even fold it in half.
posted by Ufez Jones at 12:48 PM on September 21, 2015 [42 favorites]


He didn't fold it. He's not a real New York rat.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:48 PM on September 21, 2015 [9 favorites]


In recent memory and on two separate occasions, I have seen the most gleeful squirrels ever seen. One who found a near full jar of peanut butter near a dep down the street from me, and another who found a leftover takeout box of poutine two blocks away. Their expressions I can only categorize as HOLY SHIT I WON THE LOTTERY.
posted by Kitteh at 12:48 PM on September 21, 2015 [18 favorites]


[DAMMIT, Ufez!]
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:49 PM on September 21, 2015 [10 favorites]


I'm kinda sad about that poor guy. He was so close to getting that thing all the way down the stairs.
posted by Twain Device at 12:51 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


takeout box of poutine

Truly Canada is the greater nation.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:52 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Seriously, the squirrels and other assorted urban wildlife must love when the students flock back to town around here. My morning bike ride to the radio station on Saturdays is handily a Guide to Public Drunk Food I Didn't Want After All.
posted by Kitteh at 12:53 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


Seriously, no Ratatouille jokes yet?
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:57 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


You would never catch Remy eating trash pizza.
posted by phunniemee at 12:58 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


Sure, I ♥ NY and all. But the last time I was there in the summer, I saw a rat the size of a large rabbit, broad daylight in a small park in lower Manhattan (probably East Village, can't quite remember where). In fact, I thought it WAS a rabbit, but specifically followed it along the path, only to see the long rat tail, and lack of rabbit legs. The thing gave virtually zero fucks. My wife saw it too... we were gobsmacked. I've seen big rats here in Chicago, but this guy was the king of rats.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [8 favorites]


Squirrels are just respectable suburban rats.
posted by boo_radley at 1:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [13 favorites]


wheres his metrocard
call nypd
posted by lalochezia at 1:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [22 favorites]


That's just Splinter bringing down lunch for the Turtles.
posted by tonycpsu at 1:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [37 favorites]


This video is just the opening to Louie.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [8 favorites]


Poor guy. That last 10% of the project is always a killer.
posted by ignignokt at 1:01 PM on September 21, 2015 [22 favorites]


Most pizza delivery guys are like that- dropping your pie halfway down the stairs. But they still expect a tip!
posted by Gungho at 1:06 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


God, I love rats. When I was in college, I worked briefly with rats on a project that involved a maze shaped like the letter T. We'd put one randomly selected toys in each arm of the T, and then we would place a rat in the stem of the T, so that the rat would go down a long corridor and then could turn left or right at the end. Rats like novelty, so we were basically trying to figure out whether the rats could learn to remember where the newer toy was depending on when we ran the trial. Initially we'd planned to score the rats' toy preferences based on which arm of the T they sat in.

I quickly learned that rats are much more inventive than that. My all time favorite was the rat who realized that we hadn't tethered the toys in place or secured them in any way, and who therefore decided that the best way to play this game was to first collect one toy, than the next, and then sit on them both in the stem of the T and chitter to himself. I still remember him carefully hauling a plastic pizza cutter that was longer than he was through the maze and banging it angrily against the corners when it wouldn't fit as quickly as he wanted it to.

Scoring his videos was always something of a challenge.
posted by sciatrix at 1:06 PM on September 21, 2015 [62 favorites]


This video would be better with a soundtrack of "High Hopes."
posted by Miko at 1:07 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


Insert joke about inferiority of your preferred regional pizza here.

Being from DC, I think I'm also obligated to insist our rats are just as good.
posted by ryanshepard at 1:08 PM on September 21, 2015 [21 favorites]


I've probably done the same thing crawling home drunk after a night of drunk partying.
posted by SansPoint at 1:09 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I still remember him carefully hauling a plastic pizza cutter that was longer than he was through the maze

Well at least we know where he was going now.
posted by phunniemee at 1:10 PM on September 21, 2015 [24 favorites]


I saw a rat the size of a large rabbit, broad daylight in a small park in lower Manhattan (probably East Village, can't quite remember where). In fact, I thought it WAS a rabbit, but specifically followed it along the path, only to see the long rat tail, and lack of rabbit legs.

Are you sure it wasn't a possum because I saw a dead dog-sized possum in my neighborhood in Brooklyn a while back and they turn up on the train now and again.

There's even a rumor the Health Department released them for some reason.
posted by griphus at 1:14 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


That's just Splinter bringing down lunch for the Turtles.

That Jonathan Brisby bringing it back for Justin and Nicodemus.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 1:16 PM on September 21, 2015 [12 favorites]


I've certainly seen at least one actual (non-possum) rat the size of a rabbit in Manhattan. Absolutely. Rabbits aren't that big and some of the rats get shockingly long and fat.
posted by Miko at 1:17 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Dog-sized zombie possum turns to the camera, "MRREH IT'S A LIVING" it says, tongue lolling out of rotting lips. "DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?" it adds.

You have three stops to go.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:17 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


It wasn't an opossum... I've seen plenty of those, and again, this was well lit and really easy to see. It walked/half-ran along the path in the park giving nearly zero fucks. Stuff like that doesn't freak me out, so I got a pretty close look at it.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:18 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Biggest rat I've ever seen was on a rainy night in Philly, coming home from my part-time job in the evening. It sat in the entryway of the subway passage on 8th Street, and I swear, I thought it was a stray cat at first. Once I realized what it was, I nodded, crossed the street, and went into the subway by another entrance. No rats I've seen in NYC come close.
posted by SansPoint at 1:19 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


"I saw a dead dog-sized possum in my neighborhood in Brooklyn a while back and they turn up on the train now and again."

ON THE TRAIN?!?!
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:20 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


We need a new flag, windmills and wampum don't symbolize the city but I think we found a suitable replacement
posted by The Whelk at 1:21 PM on September 21, 2015 [9 favorites]


> Being from DC, I think I'm also obligated to insist our rats are just as good.

No less an authority than the DC metro itself concedes that their rats are in fact smaller, fewer, and probably somewhat peckish compared to their colleagues in the NYC subway.
posted by postcommunism at 1:22 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


> My all time favorite was the rat who realized that we hadn't tethered the toys in place or secured them in any way, and who therefore decided that the best way to play this game was to first collect one toy, than the next, and then sit on them both in the stem of the T and chitter to himself. I still remember him carefully hauling a plastic pizza cutter that was longer than he was through the maze and banging it angrily against the corners when it wouldn't fit as quickly as he wanted it to.

That rat has just gotten half a billion in venture capital for his startup.

> ON THE TRAIN?!?!

You see everything on the NYC subway. Everything.
posted by languagehat at 1:22 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


ON THE TRAIN?!?!

On the train.
posted by griphus at 1:23 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]




I once watched a seagull battle three pigeons for possession of an entire hot dog bun, which eventually fell apart, giving them all a share.
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:27 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


This doesn't happen in Chicago.

Although it might start up since Del Close died.

Oh sure, I could strap an acetylene lamp to my head, put on some skates and roll through the sewers shooting at rats myself, but I don't have anything smaller than a .38 and I've not been ordained in the 1st Generic Church of Whathisname.

I say we go down and take their food. See how they like ... wait, my brain kicked back in gear, nevermind.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:29 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


One of the most quintessential "well, I guess I live in a city now" moments was when I saw a man wearing only half his pants try to pee on a rat skittering around the rails while waiting for a train to come.

It wasn't until I found myself thinking "that rat looks like a Jasper. He should be named Jasper" while watching this all go down that I realized how deep I was.
posted by phunniemee at 1:29 PM on September 21, 2015 [26 favorites]


I lived in Miami Beach for several years. There are no squirrels in that ecosystem. Instead, rats run along telephone lines and rooftops. Used to see them all the time in my friend's backyard in suburbany-wealthy Coral Gables.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:29 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I did see a guy huffing a can of toluene (which was labelled in large black-on-white letters TOLUENE so there was no mistaking it) on a subway once, but that was, shockingly, Toronto and not New York.

I'm not sure what Toronto subway rats eat.
posted by GuyZero at 1:31 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


New Yorker cartoon idea: Two rats on a subway platform. One of them has a slice of pizza. Caption: "It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno."

"Christ, what a rathole."
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:32 PM on September 21, 2015 [7 favorites]


The windows in my old apartment faced the area where they'd store the trash until trash day and one time I saw an animal scurrying around in there and I had to post to the newyorkers LiveJournal community and describe it to find out what it was.

It was a skunk.
posted by griphus at 1:33 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


My only opossum encounter was in the Boston area, walking home after a show (because the subway closes at 12:30 and the bars close at 2), and a possum was splayed across the sidewalk.

I took a step towards it.
It wouldn't back off.
I took another step.
It hissed at me.
I hissed at it.
It scrammed.

Now, I didn't see any pizza near it, and it wasn't a hissing rat. But opossums are marsupials, and marsupials have pouches, so I would not disregard the possibility that the opossum had bought one of those one-dollar single-serving Tony's frozen near-pizzas from the Star Market ("Tony's: The pizza opossums would eat!") and was carrying it around until its shift break. They're really stupid animals.
posted by ardgedee at 1:35 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


No less an authority than the DC metro itself concedes that their rats are in fact smaller, fewer, and probably somewhat peckish compared to their colleagues in the NYC subway.

Even our rats know Metro is broken-down useless heap.
posted by stevis23 at 1:35 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


It was almost 20 years ago when the subway flooded and the MBTA had these giant pumps pulling water up out of the green line. They'd spray the water out over the park area of Commonwealth Ave and you'd get used to the constant phhsssssttt of the hose.

Until one day while walking past, I heard the phhhsssstt go quiet and the water stopped spraying. Then there was a Jack Kirby level THHOOOMM noise and a giant rat corpse was shot out of the hose, landing somewhere down the street in a splat of mud and fur.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 1:42 PM on September 21, 2015 [55 favorites]


Then there was a Jack Kirby level THHOOOMM noise and a giant rat corpse was shot out of the hose, landing somewhere down the street in a splat of mud and fur.

This thread is everything I hoped it would be and more.
posted by phunniemee at 1:43 PM on September 21, 2015 [41 favorites]


Scoring his videos was always something of a challenge.

This goes with everything.
posted by zarq at 1:44 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


I've certainly seen at least one actual (non-possum) rat the size of a rabbit in Manhattan

I was so sure this would link to the inflatable union rat.
posted by poffin boffin at 1:45 PM on September 21, 2015 [6 favorites]


It turns out the seal of new york city is already almost there [self-link]
posted by moonmilk at 1:49 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm not sure what Toronto subway rats eat.

Passengers.
posted by zarq at 1:50 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


> ON THE TRAIN?!?!

You see everything on the NYC subway. Everything.

Everything.
posted by zarq at 1:53 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


I see rats often enough in my neighborhood that I don't really notice them anymore, but a few weeks ago I passed an alley late at night and saw two tiny fluffy bunnies hopping around in the grime, bathed in the harsh light of a sodium lamp
posted by theodolite at 1:55 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


if anything surely that would improve st louis pizza

also where is the video of the sadfaces griphus and blisterlips made when you forced them to eat the dread pizza
posted by poffin boffin at 1:56 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Previously
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:58 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Previously

That video was prefaced by an ad for "Stop Hunger Start Peace" which I think is particularly apt.
posted by phunniemee at 2:01 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Until one day while walking past, I heard the phhhsssstt go quiet and the water stopped spraying. Then there was a Jack Kirby level THHOOOMM noise and a giant rat corpse was shot out of the hose, landing somewhere down the street in a splat of mud and fur.

Holy cow!
posted by groda at 2:06 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


My guy and I used to have two pet rats, and we would let them spend time running free around our apartment (they were surprisingly disciplined about pooping in one corner of their cage). One night, we'd ordered a pizza and were watching a movie. I took a bite out of a slice, set it down on the table, and reached for it again a minute later. It was gone.

I looked up, startled, to see Gumshoe running away from me, dragging an almost-whole slice of pizza behind him. I took the slice away, but I gave him a little piece as a reward for his impressive display of gumption. Our rats were always stealing shit, escaping from their cage, finding new hiding places...they were so awesome.
posted by bookish at 2:12 PM on September 21, 2015 [21 favorites]


That's a pretty small rat by NYC standards ... Are they sure it wasn't a large mouse?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:30 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've mentioned it on the blue; I once watched a Montreal squirrel carry a slice of pizza about 30' up a tree. I have to assume it was local pizza.
posted by bonobothegreat at 2:33 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Pfft. Toronto’s raccoons are clearly better urban animals.
posted by clvrmnky at 2:35 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think this might be the Voxsplainiest Voxsplanation ever Voxsplained. It's like, how much Voxsplainier could it be? And the answer is none. None more Voxsplainy.
posted by tonycpsu at 2:36 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


I like pizza.
posted by mazola at 3:04 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


Then there was a Jack Kirby level THHOOOMM noise

At least it wasn't a Don Martin level FURSHGLURK noise.

I feel for rats. They get a bad rap because they're not adorable.

The squirrels by me have been emboldened by the peanut butter covered Oreo cookies I use to fish for them and hoist them in the air. I toss them peanuts too.

The screens on my windows are all torn up. But they're so damn cute. Like a cute mafia. Give us more legumes or we'll cock our heads to the side quizzically. You can't fight that.

Fortunately my cat can...
posted by Smedleyman at 3:11 PM on September 21, 2015 [7 favorites]


I saw a dead dog-sized possum

That's actually known as a "St Louis style" Pizza Rat

...

if anything surely that would improve st louis pizza

also where is the video of the sadfaces griphus and blisterlips made when you forced them to eat the dread pizza


I think all the St. Louis–style pizza rats are actually squirrels. People leaving dumpsters open and/or destroying the lids of dumpsters means my neighborhood is full of squirrels climbing fire escapes with pizza, corn cobs, chicken, etc. One time a squirrel left a piece of cornbread on the sill of the window closest to our fire escape, I guess for safekeeping.

🍕🐀
posted by limeonaire at 3:15 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I feel for rats. They get a bad rap because they're not adorable.

Nah, rats are plenty cute. They get a bad rap because they're disgusting trash critters and literal bringers of plague too smart and crafty to be bested by mere men.
posted by phunniemee at 3:17 PM on September 21, 2015 [10 favorites]


Which is all the more reason to VENERATE THEN AS THE BEST OF OUR MANY COMMENSAL SPECIES PHUNNIEMEE

CUTES AND SMARTS WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE
posted by sciatrix at 3:35 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Nicodemus is disappointed.
posted by Kabanos at 3:44 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


literal bringers of plague

Nope. Gerbils!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:57 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


It's a video of a rat carrying a slice of pizza down the subway stairs.

This has got to be the most New York City thing I've ever seen in my life
posted by surazal at 4:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


Wow, poor Chuck E. Cheese has hit rock bottom.

Sadly, his pizza is still two stairs up from rock bottom.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:00 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


So the only reason the rat abandoned his prize was the cameraperson startled him. Rats startle fairly easily.

Also, they make great pets (get two, they're social animals). If you have patience (I don't) you can train them to do tricks. If you're considering getting a rodent as a pet for your children (it's about a 2 year commitment, which is pretty manageable), get some rats!*

*this comment sponsored by the Rat Owners Association of North America
posted by el io at 4:01 PM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]


He waits, nefariously, at the bottom of the stairs...is he using that slice as bait?
posted by Chuffy at 4:06 PM on September 21, 2015


That rat is not stealing pizza. He is greasing the subway steps so his entire family can feast on commuter corpses at Head Smashed In Subway Stop.
posted by srboisvert at 4:08 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


Was hoping zarq's SLYT would go here: Link
posted by pxe2000 at 4:37 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


... this guy was the king of rats.

No, this guy is the king of rats.
posted by gottabefunky at 5:39 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


In Boston, we commemorate pizza-eating rodents on traffic-control boxes.
posted by adamg at 5:47 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]




I was maybe eight in a supermarket in Napier in 1970s New Zealand on holiday and I was just toodling along being an eight year old sebmojito when I see the biggest fucking rat you can possibly imagine, like seriously the thing was a couple of feet long, run out from behind a fridge (I remember it winking at me, but given the passage of time I cannot in good conscience confirm it actually did) and behind a cabinet. I screamed IT'S A RAT IT'S A RAT IT'S A RAT and then I remember four men with supermarket badges just kind of coalescing around us with reassuring hands outstretched saying NOOOOOO THERE IS NO RAT, LITTLE BOY
posted by Sebmojo at 6:15 PM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]


Pssh, that's nothing. I once saw a raccoon in Central Park that balanced itself on a trash can, pulled out a slice of pizza on a plate, put them both on the ground, and then proceeded to eat the pizza off the plate. Apparently racoons have manners.
posted by Caesar Moore at 6:44 PM on September 21, 2015


Inspiring.

*sheds single tear*

*tear rolls down cheek*

*puts Jim Croce's I Got A Name on the stereo.*
posted by jason's_planet at 6:56 PM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]


#inspiring #soblessed #pizza #rat #triumph #beautiful #tears #amazing #touching #subway
posted by threeants at 7:03 PM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]


I've recently developed a sure-fire way to eliminate rats from the urban milieu, environmentally sound and humanely fatal to all rats. Simple and effective, it ... wait. They can read, can't they? MY GOD, tell me they can't read!!!
posted by Chitownfats at 8:43 PM on September 21, 2015


I understand this deeply as having been a Chucky Cheese employee in the eighties where I had to wear a rat suit and have my tail yanked by children.
Back then Chucky was more edgy, he wore a Derby and had a Brooklyn accent, now I understand what inspired the restaurant chain.
posted by boilermonster at 9:11 PM on September 21, 2015


Well, this is rattus norvegicus, so he probably abandoned the pizza slice because he spotted some akevitt and a nice piece of cod.
posted by um at 10:22 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]


Of course there are possums on the subway; the bus takes fucking forever.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:20 AM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: a Jack Kirby level THHOOOMM noise
posted by Gelatin at 7:51 AM on September 22, 2015


Mouse taunts UES shop cat

I for one welcome our new rodent overlords
posted by The Whelk at 9:11 AM on September 22, 2015 [1 favorite]


You guys see a rat...

(from reddit untimely ripped, ofc)
posted by bonehead at 9:39 AM on September 22, 2015


Pizza Rat: The Game
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:41 PM on September 22, 2015




I can't wait for Wild Turkey Wild Turkey! SO AUTUMNAL.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:24 PM on September 23, 2015




If you're not all ratted-out, see him win (FB video).
posted by Jack Karaoke at 9:09 AM on September 24, 2015


Jon Bois is here to help us out with a Pizza Rat Explainer
posted by burgerrr at 12:22 PM on September 25, 2015


It was only a matter of time before the imitators.
posted by moonmilk at 11:09 AM on September 28, 2015


Pizza Rat plush doll
posted by growabrain at 8:15 AM on September 30, 2015






the inevitable terrible halloween costume

One of my coworkers announced at the lunch table the other day that she was planning to go as Sexy Pizza Rat this year.
posted by phunniemee at 9:07 AM on October 9, 2015


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