We're seein' some sh*t we ain't never seen before, kid!
September 23, 2015 9:53 AM   Subscribe

Boston area guy on a boat spots a sea monstah. [NSFW - audio is full of cursing.]

This spawns a parody ad for the New England Aquarium. The original ad is a little more family friendly.
Not a baby whale, the creature was an ocean sunfish.
posted by ants (72 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite


 
Eagerly awaiting the Survive! Mola mola! tie-in content, swipe furiously to park the car at Harvard Yard.
posted by majuju at 10:01 AM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Well BBC, worry no more about David Attenborough's replacement.

Can we get Attenborough to read the transcript over the video? Can Twitter do that? Surely we can get Twitter to do that.
posted by jimmythefish at 10:01 AM on September 23, 2015 [13 favorites]


Flagged as Wicked Pissah.
posted by bondcliff at 10:02 AM on September 23, 2015 [23 favorites]


Boston area guy on a boat spots a sea monstah.

Malden, specifically, for those of you playing along at home.

His concern for it being injured and suggestion that they call the aquarium made me smile - Mass townies get all kinds of condescension and ridicule, but he seems like a good guy.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:02 AM on September 23, 2015 [25 favorites]


Look at this fuckin' thing!

I mean, this is basically how Bostonians greet each other and react to, well, everything.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:03 AM on September 23, 2015 [56 favorites]


His concern for it being injured and suggestion that they call the aquarium made me smile

Yeah, but a minute later he's like "dude we gotta get it in the boat, bro. We can make some serious money, Jay!"
posted by bondcliff at 10:04 AM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


Good guy, except for the fact he thinks it's a whale & so gaffes it.
posted by kanewai at 10:05 AM on September 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


Yeah, but a minute later he's like "dude we gotta get it in the boat, bro. We can make some serious money, Jay!"

Having lived in the vicinity, I guess I was overly impressed that he didn't try to drunkenly stab it with an oar.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:07 AM on September 23, 2015 [12 favorites]


And then a minute later "There's meat on that, bro.". Probably still a good guy regardless.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:07 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have the feeling he makes Jay turn around the boat a lot. And the car. And the carriage in Tahget.
posted by xingcat at 10:07 AM on September 23, 2015 [19 favorites]


I am so fuckin' sad my Bostonian co-worker is currently in Boston right now.

I am so making him do an impression of this guy reacting to the Republican debate when he gets back.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:08 AM on September 23, 2015


i think I sat next to these guys at a Sox game two weeks back

pretty sure he flipped off a 10 year old
posted by dismas at 10:10 AM on September 23, 2015 [7 favorites]


Entropone- it was an ocean sunfish.
posted by Adridne at 10:11 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Cool fish, Mike. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more Massholes like you to like fucking huge baby whales. It's what makes America great. -- @POTUS
posted by bondcliff at 10:12 AM on September 23, 2015 [53 favorites]


I've only seen sun fish in aquariums. I don't think that's usual for them to be on their sides and so near the surface, is it? I think he's right that the thing is sick/injured.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:12 AM on September 23, 2015


I swear to fuckin' Christ the fuckin' people in this fuckin' area curse more than any other fuckers in any other goddamn fuckin' city.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:13 AM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


pretty sure he flipped off a 10 year old

so what you're saying is that he's living his best possible life
posted by poffin boffin at 10:14 AM on September 23, 2015 [25 favorites]


I don't think that's usual for them to be on their sides and so near the surface

According to Wikipedia, that's normal basking behavior. Ten minutes ago I didn't know there was such a thing as an ocean sunfish, now I know what they do when they bask.

Speaking of (fresh water) sunfish, any other Massholes grow up calling the Kivahs (kiver), or was that a very local thing?
posted by bondcliff at 10:16 AM on September 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


I don't think that's usual for them to be on their sides and so near the surface, is it?

It absolutely fucking is. It's fucking basking, basically fucking enjoying a nice sunny fucking day. Then, it fucking got a fucking gaff in its fucking head. It likely never fucking saw that shit before, bro.
posted by jimmythefish at 10:17 AM on September 23, 2015 [31 favorites]


so what you're saying is that he's living his best possible life

Oh, no doubt. He and I high fived every time the Sox hit the ball
posted by dismas at 10:17 AM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


In fairness, 10 year olds at Fenway are as likely to be cursing and heckling as anyone else.
posted by maryr at 10:18 AM on September 23, 2015 [23 favorites]


It's Peter Griffin.
posted by AwkwardPause at 10:22 AM on September 23, 2015


The only question I have about this video is how did Mr. Jay Foster fail to come up with the only acceptable answer when Mr. Michael Bergin asks "Who you gonna call?" at about 1:45 into the clip.
posted by lord_wolf at 10:22 AM on September 23, 2015 [9 favorites]


Listening to these two guys, all I could think of was this classic exchange:

Tommy: We hit the deer and his paw... What do you call it? The paw.

Jimmy: [Speaking through a mouth full of pasta] The hoof.

Tommy: It got caught in the grill. I got to hack it off.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKnaRziQRms
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 10:26 AM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh that parody ad was distilled awesome.
posted by travertina at 10:38 AM on September 23, 2015


We ah seein some shit we ain't nevah seen befoah, dude!

AND NOW I'M HOMESICK, THANKS A LOT, INTERNET.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 10:39 AM on September 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


I will straight-up bring the beer if I am invited along with these guys next time.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:47 AM on September 23, 2015


It's a fuckin' baby wheel
o_O
posted by Monkeymoo at 10:49 AM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


I saw one of these off the shore of Long Island once. It was basking just like that, and even for a guy very familiar with fish, it really was a sight. The movement wasn't like I'm used to, and it was really gigantic.
Then we saw a large tuna and I realized that I knew nothing about tuna.

On a separate day, in the same water, I went on a charter fishing boat with a bunch of my cousin's friends. I'm not a charter fishing guy, and even though I grew up on the shore I've always preferred freshwater fishing. I like the precision needed for the latter, and felt like there was more strategy, although maybe I'm underselling saltwater fishermen. Anyway, the sea was angry that day my friend, and we weren't catching anything. I was the only one keeping my lunch down. Unfortunately for my cousin, his lunch consisted of basically nothing but twizzlers. Once he chummed the water with those, we couldn't keep our lines in the water for all the fish we were hauling in. I think I pulled in 6 good sized bluefish in about thirty minutes. So, pro-tip, half-digested twizzlers make for unparalleled chum.
posted by staccato signals of constant information at 10:57 AM on September 23, 2015 [23 favorites]


Happy to say that I am one degree of separation from these two clowns. It's everything I love and hate about my hometown. You can't dispute the entertainment value . . .
posted by eggman at 10:58 AM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


And yet did not reach Peak Boston because neither of these guys made a disparaging comment about the fish's sexual orientation or mental faculties.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:02 AM on September 23, 2015 [13 favorites]


"Hey lookit dis fish, it's wicked queah."
posted by bondcliff at 11:05 AM on September 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


Here's the Hawaii version of this.
posted by flod at 11:09 AM on September 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


i think I sat next to these guys at a Sox game two weeks back... pretty sure he flipped off a 10 year old

Well ya gottah fuckin' ask what the fuckin' ten-year-old to deserve gettin' the fuckin' fingah. Was it a wearin' a fuckin' Yankees shirt?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:17 AM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


[NSFW - audio is full of cursing.

Redundant, you already said he was from Boston.
posted by Miko at 11:18 AM on September 23, 2015 [9 favorites]


Sunfish, eh?

"Females of the species can produce more eggs than any other known vertebrate, up to 300,000,000 at a time."

THAT'S A LOT OF FUCKIN' EGGS BRO!
posted by symbioid at 11:20 AM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Might have to send this to my Midwest coworkers so they can understand my milieu (I'm not a Mass native but I've picked up the cursing some).

**GLOSTA**
posted by Sheydem-tants at 11:40 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


That legitimately made me homesick.

(But I hope they didn't manage to hook it and it went on living it's life peacefully).
posted by raeka at 11:54 AM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: [Every single line he said will work here]
posted by davebush at 12:01 PM on September 23, 2015 [17 favorites]


The only way this could have been more Boston was if it somehow involved the Red Sox and the MBTA.

Also the original ad was a nice shot of nostalgia for my afternoon.
posted by Gev at 12:02 PM on September 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


I feel sooo lame, but how do I watch this? I can't seem to make it work. Will someone have pity on me and explain?
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 12:20 PM on September 23, 2015


Never mind. Posted too soon. I AM lame.
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 12:21 PM on September 23, 2015


We could get some big money for that if it's a FISH buddy.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:46 PM on September 23, 2015


NEANDERTHAL: "It was so...ugly."
posted by gorgor_balabala at 1:01 PM on September 23, 2015


Hah! The parody ad was made by a friend of mine from high school (in Southern NH). I'll have to let him know the ad was wicked good.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:01 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only way this could have been more Boston was if it somehow involved the Red Sox and the MBTA.

I defer to reddit, where a user posited that Ultimate Bawstin would have been achieved if the sunfish were wearing a Free Brady T-shirt.
posted by Diablevert at 1:24 PM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Gronkfish.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 1:30 PM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh man Jay, it's dead bro, or something.
I'm pissing my pants
posted by Dee Grim at 1:43 PM on September 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


Fallout 4 looking awesome
posted by Sternmeyer at 1:51 PM on September 23, 2015 [11 favorites]


Well, that poor basking sunfish's day was ruined. :-[

E Nesbit says somewhere (speaking as a 12 year old boy about his sisters) that girls don't mind some boyish pursuits but hate fishing from beginning to end. My daughters went fishing once with their brother and his friends, they caught quite a few fish in the river, trout possibly, and couldn't bear to see the suffering fish on the bank gasping for breath. So they got their brother to cut the fish's heads off to put them out of their misery. Does anyone know how long amputated fish heads stay alive, gasping and blinking? Ages, that's how long.

Not that it's reasonable to expect fishermen to feel sorry for fish. I know this. Fish are delicious.
posted by glasseyes at 1:55 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Look at this fuckin' thing!

New universal New Yorker cartoon caption?
posted by vorpal bunny at 2:14 PM on September 23, 2015 [10 favorites]


This could only have been more Boston if they had tried to bait the hook with some Dunkies.
posted by TwoStride at 2:43 PM on September 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


People who grew up in Boston in the 1970s (or maybe the 1980s) will remember the original New England Aquarium ad into which the two kheds are mashed, because the girl going "I can walk like a penguin!" is mahked on their neural circuits with indelible ink.
posted by adamg at 2:49 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Literally tons of these guys (the fish, not the fuckahs) down Great Barrier Reef way, if you happen to be down there with a snorkel.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:37 PM on September 23, 2015


You know he knows Jay pretty well because he's "bro" and not "guy."
posted by ifandonlyif at 4:03 PM on September 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


I wonder if this is the voice that Melville meant for us to read Moby Dick in.
posted by kanewai at 4:13 PM on September 23, 2015 [15 favorites]


Call me Ishmael and I'll fucking kick your ass, kid.
posted by ifandonlyif at 4:30 PM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


AAARGH parody ad is DMCAed. Can you hook us up ChuraChura?

Watching the original ad again was like an out-of-body experience. Made me hanker for a hunka Fudgie the Whale.
posted by XMLicious at 5:17 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is a mirror of the parody ad.
posted by ants at 5:35 PM on September 23, 2015 [11 favorites]


glasseyes: You never met my grandmother. She could bang a pike's head against the edge of a boat like nobody's business.

She also taught me how to gut and clean fish.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:46 PM on September 23, 2015


But I hope they didn't manage to hook it and it went on living it's life peacefully).

I like flod's Hawaii guys. They're awestruck and let the shark do its thing.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:59 PM on September 23, 2015


OF COURSE HIS FRIEND'S LAST NAME IS FOSTAH. OF COURSE IT IS.

Haven't lived there in 20 years. Wouldn't want to move back. So homesick. People swear some in Seattle but it's just not the same.
posted by Errant at 8:12 PM on September 23, 2015


I needed this, and it got SO MUCH BETTER w/ the New England "Iquarium" parody commercial.

* Referring to his friend as "kid" - check
* Saying his friend's name repeatedly - check
* Swearing up a storm - check
* Pronunciations like "wheel", "iquarium" and "tuner" - check
* Thinking the fish was a floundah - check

I'm so homesick right now. :(
posted by Constant Reader at 7:26 AM on September 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I have never been more proud to be from Boston.
posted by dfan at 8:17 AM on September 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Is this Jay and silent Bob, and Bob finally speaks?
posted by waving at 10:02 AM on September 24, 2015


Ick, they are from Jersey, don't you dare blame Boston for that.
posted by maryr at 12:01 PM on September 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm from New Jersey and want it on record that we had nothing to do with this. I can barely stand having to hear this continuous foul-mouthed prattle on the T, let alone people mixing my home state up with it.
posted by Miko at 3:07 PM on September 24, 2015


This was just like my brother's friend, no lie. Down to the Kid and other stuff. I feel sorry for this guy because it's how he really talks. But in my day it wasn't Bro, what a waste! It was Brother. It was Kid and Brother, none of this Bro stuff.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:25 PM on September 25, 2015


love this quote from another globe article
Bergin said he was trending like the “Pope right now, dude.”

“If you look on Facebook, it says, ‘The Pope,’ and then it says ‘Michael Bergin.’” the 41-year-old said in a telephone interview. “It’s overwhelming. I would have never thought this would happen, bro.”
posted by ghostbikes at 11:55 PM on September 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


The article ghostbikes links to mentions this Jaws parody.
posted by ants at 8:08 AM on September 26, 2015


I was out and about today and on the radio came across what I think was some NPR quiz show, and they announced that Michael Bergin was going to be one of the contestants... and it was some different Michael Bergin! I felt so robbed!
posted by XMLicious at 5:23 PM on September 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


Moby-Bergin: "Ridgway’s creation brilliantly alerts us to the resonance of Bergin’s speech with Stubb’s exhortations to his whaleboat crew in “The First Lowering” in Moby-Dick. Melville describes the mate’s speech as full of “fun and fury”; like Bergin, Stubb “broadly gaped” at his companions in his excitement during the chase. "
posted by Miko at 7:51 PM on September 27, 2015 [4 favorites]


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