Part Florida Man, Part Florida Monkey

September 28, 2015 10:26 AM

Having a bad day? At least a monkey isn't eating your mail. On second thought, maybe you'd better check your mailbox.
posted by Etrigan (18 comments total)

If I had a nickel for every Monkey who monkey'd with my mail.
posted by clavdivs at 10:30 AM on September 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

baby monkey baby monkey eating all your bills baby monkey
posted by poffin boffin at 10:34 AM on September 28, 2015 [8 favorites]

Wait, you can legally have a pet monkey in Florida?
posted by GuyZero at 10:36 AM on September 28, 2015

This just may be my favorite mailbox story, second only to the dog poo post box debacle.
posted by dr_dank at 10:37 AM on September 28, 2015

Isn't this how rise of the planet of the apes started?
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on September 28, 2015

So it's some sort of ... mail ... kimp?

(yes, yes, wrong primate)
posted by tocts at 10:44 AM on September 28, 2015 [6 favorites]

But Monday morning, a 911 caller reported something that even the Sanford Police Department called a little "out of the ordinary": a mail-eating monkey sitting on top of a neighbor's mailbox.

"Our officers are ready for anything -- literally," Public Information Officer Shannon Cordingly told CBS News.

Suddenly, in thirty homes across Florida, someone sits back from the computer screen and thinks about what is in that cage in the garage.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:52 AM on September 28, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is this typical behaviour for your you average mail monkey?
posted by I-baLL at 11:04 AM on September 28, 2015

Let a monkey get in the habit of eating your mail, and sooner or later you'll find yourself mysteriously impaled on a Samurai sword in a locked room.
posted by Wolfdog at 11:07 AM on September 28, 2015

Suddenly, in thirty homes across Florida, someone sits back from the computer screen and thinks about what is in that cage in the garage.

do not challenge Florida Man
posted by indubitable at 11:07 AM on September 28, 2015 [3 favorites]

Captive wildlife license requirements in Florida.

Insert my obligatory "You are an asshole if you think having a monkey as a pet is a good idea, even if it is officially legal in your state" boilerplate here.
posted by ChuraChura at 11:09 AM on September 28, 2015

See?
THIS is why John Boehner can't retire here.
We already have enough lesser primates involving themselves in the Federal workforce, running rampant and causing a ruckus.

Makes me miss the Mystery Monkey that was running around in my neck of the woods.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 11:10 AM on September 28, 2015

Isn't this how rise of the planet of the apes started?

You are thinking of Rate Rise on the Postage of the Apes, a lesser sequel.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:17 AM on September 28, 2015 [5 favorites]

When the Sanford Police Dept found a monkey eating mail, they knew what they had to do.

So they gave the monkey a bottle of water, to wash down the mail.

Seriously.

I'm not kidding.
posted by Splunge at 11:31 AM on September 28, 2015 [2 favorites]

They caught him eating a NetFlix DVD and one of the officers asked him how he liked the movie. He replied that he liked the book much better.
posted by mr.ersatz at 1:07 PM on September 28, 2015 [5 favorites]

Monkeyfishing II: Monkeyboxing
It's not just real this time...it's at your address!
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:20 PM on September 28, 2015

Zip code monkey
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 2:37 PM on September 28, 2015

They left out the part where a responding officer pulled out a Taser but was restrained by her partner who shouted "Don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey?!"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:35 PM on September 28, 2015 [2 favorites]