A lesson in value
September 29, 2015 10:19 AM   Subscribe

 
Perfect.
posted by rhizome at 10:21 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


And yet, somehow, that video got uploaded.
posted by adamrice at 10:23 AM on September 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


He's *way* too keyed up for a man selling bongs. I mean, Jesus - SLOW DOWN.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:26 AM on September 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


Dishwasher safe! Does a bong go in the upper rack or lower rack? Mom?
posted by bondcliff at 10:28 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


This link from account "ViralHog" seems to be a re-uploaded version of someone else's video from August.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:31 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I was thinking drain pipe.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:32 AM on September 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


Mod note: Swapped the link, carry on.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody. Here's another video where he tries to bounce a glass bong off of the ground. It goes as well as you would expect.
posted by joedan at 10:33 AM on September 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


wouldn't putting a torch to it be a better test of how it handles heat? I'm not sure that surrounding a thing with quickly burning lighter fluid soaked wrapping paper is really the most effective way to heat it....
posted by thelonius at 10:34 AM on September 29, 2015


In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody

right! because everyone on Youtube has their shit together so well
posted by thelonius at 10:35 AM on September 29, 2015


In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody

It was unclear to me.
posted by josher71 at 10:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


parody to some

commerce to others
posted by boo_radley at 10:36 AM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


Does that mean this post needs a fiction tag now?
posted by valkane at 10:41 AM on September 29, 2015 [27 favorites]


Reminds me of attending a friend's birthday party in college.

He led us ceremonially to a backroom to show off his best birthday present -- a four-foot Graffix bong.

All night long, as people arrived at the party, they'd walk in going, "Hey! All right! Dude, it's great to be here! Thanks for having us over! Hey, Mark! I heard you scored a Graffix, man..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:50 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I had such a sigh of relief when he was like "let's go outside to set this on fire." I really thought he was just going to light his store on fire.

Then he places it right next to the building...
posted by mayonnaises at 10:58 AM on September 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


MetaFilter: "You know what? Shut that shit off."
posted by The Bellman at 10:59 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody.

Or just a video of what to do if you find a spider in your bong.
posted by The Bellman at 11:01 AM on September 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


Dishwasher safe! Does a bong go in the upper rack or lower rack? Mom?

FYI never do this because Mom will think it's a hummingbird feeder and hang it in the front yard and the whole neighborhood will laugh at you because you're too afraid to tell mom the truth and too polite to rip it down and hide it in the trash.

Not that this has ever happened to anyone I know.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:01 AM on September 29, 2015 [66 favorites]


I guess...
*Puts on sunglasses*
that's why the call it blazin'
Yeeeeaaaaahhhh
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:06 AM on September 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I was thinking drain pipe.

Your wish is granted.
posted by ShooBoo at 11:24 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


ryanshepard: "I mean, Jesus - SLOW DOWN."
He's not talking too fast, you're listening too slowly.
posted by brokkr at 11:24 AM on September 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Dishwasher safe! Does a bong go in the upper rack or lower rack? Mom?

Obviously, it goes in the lower rack. The top rack is for the...um...toys.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:37 AM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


>In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody

>It was unclear to me.


poe's law applies.
posted by entropone at 11:41 AM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: what to do if you find a spider in your bong.
posted by Fizz at 11:43 AM on September 29, 2015


FYI never do this because Mom will think it's a hummingbird feeder and hang it in the front yard and the whole neighborhood will laugh at you because you're too afraid to tell mom the truth and too polite to rip it down and hide it in the trash.

Or she SAID she thought it was a hummingbird feeder, and knew the whole neighborhood would laugh at you.
posted by el io at 12:05 PM on September 29, 2015 [11 favorites]


In case it was unclear to anyone, this is a parody. Here's another video where he tries to bounce a glass bong off of the ground. It goes as well as you would expect.

I don't know if that's ironclad proof of "parody" (a parody of what, exactly?) so much as further evidence that the guy has his glass and acrylic facts mixed up.

The rest of their videos are straight "check out this water pipe" and "buy your water pipes from us" type stuff.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:39 PM on September 29, 2015


So ... actually curious ... is the anti-acrylic pieces thing legit, or is it just an extension of the organic-hemp-wick-won't-inhale-butane crowd?
posted by uncleozzy at 12:44 PM on September 29, 2015


He's not talking too fast, you're listening too slowly.

[Puts down vintage U.S. Bongs Capitol Hill model, stares blearily]

Whatever, man.
posted by ryanshepard at 12:46 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: way too keyed up for a man selling bongs.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:53 PM on September 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I am kind of tickled by all the comments that say "Sweeeet! Imma pause this now and go buy one!"

Obvious joke, but some played it straight.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:32 PM on September 29, 2015


... is the anti-acrylic pieces thing legit

Yes. Only use glass, don't be gross.
posted by LooseFilter at 1:44 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Your wish is granted.

I AM OLD AND BORING AND I WANT THAT I DON'T EVEN CARE THAT IT PROBABLY DOESN'T WORK I JUST WANT TO TURN THE CRANKY THING AND MAKE A WODGE OF POTATO PEELS GO AWAY
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:44 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Back in ~98/99 we had a beautiful 4 ft glass bong. Landlord gave no fucks we had it in the open. LOL...

Anyways, I was sleeping one day, and my roommate and a friend of ours were cleaning the living room, when I heard a very loud CRASH!

My heart sunk... "Please, no. It can't... it can't be the 4 footer" I open the door and look and see the sheepish look on Frump's face. The man had no grace, that's for sure.

How in the hell we ever smoked out of that thing I have no idea. My lungs hurt just thinking about it.
posted by symbioid at 2:16 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


[Puts down vintage U.S. Bongs Capitol Hill model, stares blearily]

Buy U.S. Bongs ( I was a Watergate man, myself... )
posted by mikelieman at 2:23 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


( Shit, I should have followed the link FIRST. )
posted by mikelieman at 2:25 PM on September 29, 2015


FYI do not put alcohol in an acrylic bong. It will cause it to shatter into a thousand pieces showering you with fetid bong water.

Or so I have been told.
posted by Splunge at 2:46 PM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


do not put alcohol in an acrylic bong. It will cause it to shatter into a thousand pieces

Cool! That's one step away from Voodoo-style prescriptions about "take a black feather from a rooster and the wax from a candle used by someone who's died, do something slightly embarrassing at a crossroads at midnight, and your dishes won't get those annoying spots anymore." Folk chemistry. There was more of it around when I was a kid, but we have bongs now, so maybe it's making a comeback.
posted by sneebler at 4:06 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I want screens.

Sent the email. Waiting by mailbox.
posted by AugustWest at 4:08 PM on September 29, 2015


What is point of origin of this thing? Where I live, Illinois, such merchandise has been illegal to sell since the early 80's. I'm always caught a bit off guard when I go out of state and see actual head shops still selling this kind of stuff.
posted by hwestiii at 4:30 PM on September 29, 2015


FYI never do this because Mom will think it's a hummingbird feeder and hang it in the front yard and the whole neighborhood will laugh at you because you're too afraid to tell mom the truth and too polite to rip it down and hide it in the trash.

Also there's a mob of hummingbirds laying on their backs and giggling.
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:33 PM on September 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


What is point of origin of this thing? Where I live, Illinois, such merchandise has been illegal to sell since the early 80's. I'm always caught a bit off guard when I go out of state and see actual head shops still selling this kind of stuff.

Lots of places, it's completely illegal to sell drug paraphernalia, except for a massive gaping loophole that makes it trivial to figleaf it as tobacciana.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:42 PM on September 29, 2015


(And, actually, it appears Illinois is no exception.)
posted by Sys Rq at 4:44 PM on September 29, 2015


Also there's a mob of hummingbirds laying on their backs and giggling.

honestly if any birds need to chill out, it's hummingbirds. those little bastards are aggressive.
posted by indubitable at 4:55 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I do not think this is parody. I think it's just someone who doesn't understand plastic.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 5:25 PM on September 29, 2015


I was thinking drain pipe.

For a while I lived in an apartment where all of the upstairs units flushed through a drain pipe that ran down the corner of my living room wall. It produced some fascinating noises, and I often wondered what I would see if the pipe was transparent.

What is point of origin of this thing? Where I live, Illinois, such merchandise has been illegal to sell since the early 80's. I'm always caught a bit off guard when I go out of state and see actual head shops still selling this kind of stuff.

You should travel to a state with legal weed. Now that recreational weed is legal I am half expecting to see bongs for sale in the housewares section of the supermarket.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:02 PM on September 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


This has to be brilliant guerilla/viral marketing.

Keyed up? Maybe he's on kratom, as per the blinking sign behind him. (I don't know anything about the effects of kratom, but now I want some.)
posted by Verg at 8:17 PM on September 29, 2015


Kratom? Meh. Fairly innocuous. Really makes me sad that they outlawed Pump It. Though, there is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a Pump It binge.
posted by valkane at 8:37 PM on September 29, 2015


So ... actually curious ... is the anti-acrylic pieces thing legit, or is it just an extension of the organic-hemp-wick-won't-inhale-butane crowd?

We really probably shouldn't inhale butane combustion products or the metals and plastics involved with the flint will and all of that, and I'm saying that as an ex tobacco smoker and current nicotine vaporizer user, and occasional lighter user.

There's nothing wrong with hempwick, either. I don't really care if it's healthier or not, it's going to be insignificantly so compared to burning a plant and inhaling it. But it sure does make a really nice plant taste less like butane.

That said, acrylic is not a terrible plastic. That's why you can lasercut it, machine it and hot-knife it indoors without major fume extraction hardware and not die.

The main reasons not to use acrylic for a bong is it always eventually tastes/smells funky and you can't ever completely clean it. It's also crazy brittle and just generally looks ugly. I don't think I've ever seen a classy looking acrylic bong. They only really look at home in some burnout's parent's basement or something.

The grommets and adhesives used in those things along with the usually metal bits tend to not be so great to heat up, either.

If you smoke/burn your cannabis you should just smoke out of glass devices from very small to very large.

Also, who even uses metal screens anymore? Come to think of it I haven't even seen one of those janky screw-together metal pipes in someones hands in like 5-10 years.
posted by loquacious at 11:04 PM on September 29, 2015


Loquacious I have a janky screw-together metal pipe right here. You should come over. And see it in my hands.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 1:26 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


Mom will think it's a hummingbird feeder

Only in the Americas! Also the Caribbean.
posted by asok at 2:07 AM on September 30, 2015


Anyone know where that shop is located? I'm asking for a friend.
posted by james33 at 2:34 AM on September 30, 2015


Someone ought to do a High Science reply video explaining how most accellerants are not combustible as liquids, but need to be turned into a gas first.

While super high.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:34 AM on September 30, 2015


Now that recreational weed is legal I am half expecting to see bongs for sale in the housewares section of the supermarket.

Not quite. But gas stations? Yes.
posted by aydeejones at 6:41 AM on September 30, 2015


I don't think I've ever seen a classy looking acrylic bong.

I love the implication that there are glass bongs out there that can be described as "classy"

I'm picturing a commercial featuring a couple of well-coiffed sunlit soccer moms in a spacious kitchen, eating yogurt and complimenting each other on how classy their bongs look

"What a classy bong! What's your secret?"
"No secret... unless you count Windex!"
VO: "Windex... a streak-free shine, for your classiest bongs"
posted by Greg Nog at 6:47 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


We really probably shouldn't inhale butane combustion products

I don't know. In theory the combustion products of butane are CO2, not very much CO, and H2O, which are things we don't worry about breathing while we're sitting in traffic. Meanwhile, we're filling our lungs with smoke containing thousands of unidentified chemicals, carbon particles, gases, and vaporized god-knows-what.

I just wanted to put that in context.

Goes back to getting a nice shine on this... bong.
posted by sneebler at 7:03 AM on September 30, 2015


I love the implication that there are glass bongs out there that can be described as "classy"

Someone I know had a beautiful, handmade, Vaseline-glass-yellow bong with hobnail dots. Gorgeous piece and very classy.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:13 AM on September 30, 2015


Where I live, Illinois, such merchandise has been illegal to sell since the early 80's.

I think you must be mistaken -- Chicago is full of head shops with all manner of glass pipes and bongs in the front window.
posted by Turd Ferguson at 9:09 AM on September 30, 2015


I love the implication that there are glass bongs out there that can be described as "classy"

This one is kinda classy.
posted by gregor-e at 4:24 PM on October 1, 2015


Kids probably can't make pipes in wood shop anymore, huh?
posted by Room 641-A at 1:01 AM on October 2, 2015


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