Oh, Pun for Business

September 30, 2015 7:14 AM

Atlas Obscura (previously) has crowdsourced the ultimate map of punny businesses in America.
posted by zamboni (46 comments total)

It's missing Laredo's disturbingly named daycare chain "The Best Little Schoolhouse in Texas."
posted by Pater Aletheias at 7:20 AM on September 30, 2015 [7 favorites]

Submissions are closed, otherwise I'd tell them about Karmakanix German Auto repair in Berkeley, CA.
posted by notyou at 7:23 AM on September 30, 2015 [3 favorites]

Not a pun business name but we used to have a towing company in town that used various slogans like "the best hookers in town!" or "We always get it up." I don't think they're around anymore.
posted by bondcliff at 7:25 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Seems odd to close submissions. Is this supposed to be just a snapshot in time?

I've sort of been collecting hair salon puns here in the UK. That list is just for America. There is work to be done...
posted by vacapinta at 7:25 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]

It's pretty common (8 according to the link, probably more), but Best Little Hairhouse is the one that gets me. Imagine it: a house just filled to overflowing with hair. Hair bursting out of the windows, the door, the chimney. Probably sentient, malevolent hair. It's a nightmare.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:28 AM on September 30, 2015 [3 favorites]

Punny business? More like, "phở-nny business." Heh.
posted by flechsig at 7:34 AM on September 30, 2015

There's a sporting goods store on the bike path to work that's not on the map.

It's called "Hit and Run".
posted by backseatpilot at 7:34 AM on September 30, 2015

I went to school in London, Ontario, which back in the late-'90s seemed to be big on punny store names. The ones I remember...

Casual Tees (clothing)
Kiln Time (DIY pottery)
Of Courts (tennis)

It's fictional, but this one will always be my favourite.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:35 AM on September 30, 2015

Crowd sourcing works if you've got a critical mass to attract people, but how do you elicit the initial contributions? I guess that's just a punny-ante problem.
posted by roystgnr at 7:36 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

A lot of these sound less like puns and more like the voice in your head that won't let you sleep at night for reminding you that all is for naught and man was born to sorrow.

Also, "Pho-nomenon" is a missed opportunity. Clearly it should be "Pho-Nom-Nom."
posted by logicpunk at 7:37 AM on September 30, 2015 [3 favorites]

My brother lives near a little restaurant in Ottawa called iPhở, and we keep joking that someone should open a Thai place next door called iPad Thai.

But my favourite restaurant pun ever is the wonderfully named "Naan of the Above" in Arcata, CA.
posted by oulipian at 7:37 AM on September 30, 2015 [3 favorites]

Julius Scissors in Philadelphia is present and accounted for, but they missed Hairaphernalia in Dover VT.
posted by maniabug at 7:41 AM on September 30, 2015

> "Naan of the Above"

Please tell me that place is on the second floor.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:44 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Los Angeles eyewear shop Society of the Spectacle has one of the more erudite punny names I've come across.
posted by thomas j wise at 7:46 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]

It didn't make the list, but my wife volunteers for Wear Woof, a consignment shop that donates all of its proceeds to animal charities.
posted by tonycpsu at 7:46 AM on September 30, 2015 [2 favorites]

It's unfortunate this map was made after the demise of Oberlin, OH's Vietnamese Soup shop, Phở Shizzle.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:46 AM on September 30, 2015

A Pho Shizzle in Renton WA is one of their editor's picks.

A while back, a friend and I were trying to guess the most common non-chain restaurant name in the US. I thought it might be something like Mario's, but he guessed that it would be a terrible pun and settled on Wok and Roll. There are a few Wok and Rolls on this map.
posted by painquale at 7:52 AM on September 30, 2015

> Not a pun business name but we used to have a towing company in town that used various slogans like "the best hookers in town!" or "We always get it up."

There's a used tire place back where I used to live whose slogan was "The best place in town to take a leak."
posted by Gev at 7:52 AM on September 30, 2015

We used to have the Wok of Fame in Burbank, CA (of blessed memory)
posted by Sophie1 at 7:52 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Awesome, they got Superior Erection Company in Richfield, OH. I rode my bike past there the other day.

My local favorite, not on the map: Diane's Hair 'Em.
posted by slogger at 7:53 AM on September 30, 2015

Without looking, I assume Maine has the highest proportion of these. MAINELY CLOTHING, MAINELY TOYS . . . ad infinitum.
posted by waitingtoderail at 7:53 AM on September 30, 2015

This thread and this FPP is my worst nightmare. It's like Dad Jokes run rampant!
posted by Kitteh at 7:58 AM on September 30, 2015 [4 favorites]

—38 variations on grind/grounds

In one town? Because I personally have been to no less than 1 billion coffee shops with a name like this?
posted by munchingzombie at 8:00 AM on September 30, 2015

Our "Friends and Pho" made the map, nice. (But "Tanfastic" and "The Hair Loom" - urk.)
posted by RedOrGreen at 8:00 AM on September 30, 2015

An accompanying map of Asian restaurants with punny names would be a great Thai-in.
posted by duffell at 8:00 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Locally, but not listed here:

Hair Force
The Flower Petaler
Doggie Style (pet grooming)
Big Boy's Steel Erection (construction)
posted by Foosnark at 8:04 AM on September 30, 2015

We used to have the Wok of Fame in Burbank, CA (of blessed memory)

I miss that place so much. I ate so much lemon chicken there.
posted by davros42 at 8:07 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

My parents' chimney sweep company is named "Ash Wipes." (I see the list has a similarly-named "Ash Wipers" but somehow that's not as funny.)

There's a local around here that has a slogan something like "Local #603: Union Steelworkers have bigger erections" but I can't find the picture I took of the logo (which is also vulgar).
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:12 AM on September 30, 2015

I knew The Best L'il Hairhouse in Fountain Valley, CA was going to be on there. It's been there since I was a kid, and I remember thinking it was funny at a really young age... it couldn't have been that young, though, I guess.

And Pho King Way is there, too! It burned down a few years ago, but I guess they got it open again.
posted by Huck500 at 8:13 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

The Barber Sharp in Minneapolis
Nothing Bundt Cake in Blaine
posted by soelo at 8:19 AM on September 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yang Kee Noodle is not far from where I work, and occasionally I'll grab lunch there. I highly recommend their Fire Cracker Chicken!

We've got plenty of hair salons in the area with pun-ny names (Shear Artistry, Kutting Edge, Split Endz, Mane Attraction, Medusa's, etc.) but personally I'm eager to try Scissors Rock Paper, a hair salon that also offers spa services.
posted by magstheaxe at 8:27 AM on September 30, 2015

I love crap business name puns (and crap puns in general). Best one I've seen recently, on the side of a van for a kitchen flooring specialist in Arbroath: Lino Richie.
posted by Len at 9:18 AM on September 30, 2015

A porta-potty company in Chicago: Oui Oui Enterprises.
(Not to mention The Drop Zone and Leprecan.)
posted by lagomorphius at 9:35 AM on September 30, 2015

Is "Thai restaurants with not particularly upbeat pun names" a thing outside D.C.? Because I have a Thaitanic and a Thaiphoon within a mile of each other. Are Thais more goth than I'd imagined? (opening soon: Morthaility...)
posted by the sobsister at 9:58 AM on September 30, 2015

I have oft wondered over the years about the Porn Chiropractic Clinic of Marquette, Michigan.

I don't see a pun there, and like Potter Stewart, I like to think that I would "know it when I see it".
 
posted by Herodios at 10:18 AM on September 30, 2015

Big Boy's Steel Erection (construction)

There's one around here with a similar name, I want to say it's IRONHARD ERECTIONS or something like that and every time I see any of the construction guys wearing the shirt i'm like, why are you the way that you are. when will this reign of terror end.

also if i see one more hair salon named the Mane Event i'm gonna have an outburst
posted by poffin boffin at 10:45 AM on September 30, 2015

maybe it is STEELMAN ERECTIONS idk, lord knows i'm not going to go ask
posted by poffin boffin at 10:46 AM on September 30, 2015

Not really a pun, but I occasionally see dump trucks that say "CHRISTIAN DISPOSAL" on them and always wonder if they have lions for rent or something.
posted by Foosnark at 11:55 AM on September 30, 2015

Hardly an ultimate map. Perhaps good as a marketing term. They missed Clean Getaway Laundry near here, an allusion to the laundromat's whispered mob ties.
posted by Therapeutic Amputations at 1:08 PM on September 30, 2015

Not really a pun, but I occasionally see dump trucks that say "CHRISTIAN DISPOSAL" on them and always wonder if they have lions for rent or something.

I used to pass a place called "[Bulgaroktonos's first name] Wholesale Body Parts" on a regular basis. Initially it was creepy, but then I realized I could just pick up a new arm if I messed up my current one, so it's pretty helpful.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:14 PM on September 30, 2015

Seems odd to close submissions. Is this supposed to be just a snapshot in time?

Given the number of omissions we've discovered, It would seem they're using the word ultimate to mean not followed by another.

If they did make some final changes, I guess that would make this iteration the pun-ultimate map
posted by zamboni at 1:31 PM on September 30, 2015

Not really a pun, but I occasionally see dump trucks that say "CHRISTIAN DISPOSAL" on them and always wonder if they have lions for rent or something.

I once found myself on an Irish highway riding behind a truck with plain black lettering reading PANDA WASTE. It had not occurred to me that this was a problem in Ireland. The truth is of course boring, but I was in hysterics.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:04 PM on September 30, 2015

There are a lot more punny businesses in San Luis Obispo than they showed here, if only from using the initials S.L.O. as a substitute for "Slow"...
SLO Brew (pub with house microbrews)
SLO Cyclery
SLO Dance
even the official bus service is SLO Transit
SLO Down and BreatheSLO (both massage therapy)
SLO Good Gifts (SLO for 'so'? subtle, maybe unintentional)
and for a change of pace, we have the San Luis ObiSpa

in addition, the legendary Mee Heng Low Noodle House (which has been a local double-entendre for over 90 years!)
Haute Skillet (it's a food truck and a popular one)
Frank's Hot Dogs
Witch Wich (sandwiches, duh)
hair salons The Bladerunner, Jamaica You, Head Rush and The Chop Shop (last one more basic barber-style)
pet services from Mutt Couture, Happy Tails and Creature Cumfortz
seafood restaurant Ciopinot (why not? don't know, they DO serve ciopino)
Thai-riffic
My Thai (I'm sure there's one of these in a hundred towns)
Change of A Dress (thrift store)
Couch Potato (furniture, not fries)
Just Looking Gallery
Univer-Cell
Upper Crust Trattoria

White House Black Market (not so much punny as something that makes you go 'huh'?)
I'm giving the Breaking Bread Bakery a pass because it predates the TV show (and its logo is in Papyrus... we also have a stationery store named Papyrus, but its logo is NOT)
And I just like Mitch's Stitches Furniture Upholstery and Motorcycle Repair, just BECAUSE
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:46 PM on September 30, 2015

Why is it that hair salons always get a pass on these sorts of names? In the northeast, I've seen more hair salons with punny names than all other businesses combined. Maybe we're all just willing to humor people who work on our heads with very sharp objects.
posted by mollweide at 3:22 PM on September 30, 2015

Hang on, how is The 21st Amendment Brewery a pun?
posted by aubilenon at 6:10 PM on September 30, 2015

I've seen more hair salons with punny names than all other businesses combined.
I was going to say coffee shops as well, then thought I'd RTFA and realized all three of the local cafes I was going to mention are on the map.
posted by JenMarie at 9:29 PM on September 30, 2015