I'm Alan Greenspan, And I'll Be Here All Week.
March 7, 2002 10:02 AM   Subscribe

He is fast approaching Muppet status.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:08 AM on March 7, 2002

Take my wife... Please!
posted by internal at 10:13 AM on March 7, 2002

"Ak mak! Ak ak mak ak ak ak mak ak mak ak mak!"

This looks for all the world like a still from Mars Attacks!
posted by Skot at 10:14 AM on March 7, 2002

one more...

Next show's at 12:30. Try the veal!
posted by internal at 10:14 AM on March 7, 2002

I think his best joke right now is saying the recession is over. How anyone can take that face seriously is beyond me.
posted by ZachsMind at 10:15 AM on March 7, 2002

Hi-ho, Alan The Greenspan here... (singing) "Why are there so many... Federal rate cuts?"
posted by hincandenza at 10:15 AM on March 7, 2002


Fozzie Bear, I would venture.

"Waka waka waka..."
posted by ltracey at 10:20 AM on March 7, 2002

I think his best joke right now is saying the recession is over.

Zach, and to everyone who just listens to gossip instead of researching evidence, there WAS NO recession. A recession is two consecutive quarters of negative growth. The third quarter fell, the fourth quarter rose. Again, NO RECESSION. Here's a link:

Gross domestic product — the broadest measure of economic activity on U.S. soil — rose at a 1.4% annual pace in October, November and December, stronger than estimated by most analysts and the best showing since the fourth quarter of 2000, the Commerce Department said.

GDP fell 1.3% in the third quarter.

posted by BlueTrain at 10:21 AM on March 7, 2002

BlueTrain -- that's one definition of recession. It's not the only one. It's just the one that makes our current economic woes look less stressful. There are other definitions that happen to fit.
posted by dwivian at 10:27 AM on March 7, 2002

"What is WITH free trade? Is it free, or is is a trade?"

"So this guy walks into the Federal Reserve..."

(Help me out, I'm dyin' here.)
posted by Fofer at 10:28 AM on March 7, 2002

dwivian, care to point to other definitions?
posted by BlueTrain at 10:29 AM on March 7, 2002

BlueTrain -- "definition" be damned, if we ain't in a recession, I'd hate to see what a "real" recession is like.

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck when you step on it...
posted by Fofer at 10:32 AM on March 7, 2002

Here's a Reuters article that probes the popular definition of "recession."

Others argue that "two consecutive quarters of negative growth" is merely a symptom of a recession, and not a valid definition.
posted by Fofer at 10:37 AM on March 7, 2002

Okay dwivian, so why don't you tell us the other definitions? My sources tell me:

(These are the only ones applicable to this discussion)

Pronunciation Key (r-sshn)
n. An extended decline in general business activity, typically three consecutive quarters of falling real gross national product.
n. the state of the economy declines; a widespread decline in the GDP and employment and trade lasting from six months to a year

Amazing how people that offer opinions with no proof are lauded at while those with information to back up their claims are treated like morons.
posted by stormy at 10:37 AM on March 7, 2002

I was thinking more of a "Def Comedy Jam" kind of set:

"My baby's mama all like 'Alan, where my check? It's already fourth of the month. Cain't the chairman of the fed even count?'

And I was all like 'Countin' these rocks, beeyotch!'"
posted by ColdChef at 10:40 AM on March 7, 2002

Now don't you twist my lighthearted threat about a funny picture of Alan Greenspan into a deadweight argument about what a recession really is!

posted by solistrato at 10:46 AM on March 7, 2002

sjc, I'm sorry. I did laugh when I saw the picture.
posted by BlueTrain at 10:54 AM on March 7, 2002


HOOOOOOO BOY is that funny. That sure is one hysterical picture. Man. Not only is he old, but he's SMILING!

You should check out a nursing home. Buddy, you're in for some laughs!
posted by Doug at 10:56 AM on March 7, 2002

posted by waxpancake at 10:56 AM on March 7, 2002

The first word that popped into my head when I looked at the picture was indeed "Muppet."

I do believe you can actually see the strings manipulating him (if you look hard enough).
posted by gohlkus at 10:58 AM on March 7, 2002

As for a real recession, talk to your grandparents (if you have the privilege). I was able to learn about negative GNP in the -5 to -12% range and unemployment in the 20% range for four years. More recently, Late Carter administration and early Regan years we saw 9-11% unemployment (though GDP was still positive through most of that). That's real recession. What we had over the last year or so was a hiccup in the economy. Long term this blip will hardly be noticed. I think that things have been so good for so long that it really is difficult to understand what "real recession" is. Similarly much of today's generation (myself included) don't know as much as we should about "real war" and what it means to "really love your country". Oh, and the picture was great nevertheless ;)
posted by stormy at 10:58 AM on March 7, 2002

BlueTrain, you must make durable goods or something, because, for your average Mefiite (big assumption here that most of us are involved in the tech field in some way), there's been a recession since last June (output for the equipment and software sectors, along with total gross private domestic investment, has declined for four straight quarters). It's clear, though, that the problems of the tech economy has, despite our best efforts, not managed to pull the rest of the economy into recession.

Oh, and that's not Alan Greenspan, it's his cousin, Shecky Greenspan. "I lost my teeth in this big knish. I swear it was this big"
posted by dchase at 11:00 AM on March 7, 2002

"Ahhh, has anyone seen my dog? It's about this long, white fur, answers to 'Poopsie'?"

"Why did Andrea Mitchell marry me? Let's just say this is the size of my 'federal reserve'"
posted by pardonyou? at 11:02 AM on March 7, 2002

*sorry sjc*

From the National Bureau of Economic Research's website:

Q: Isn’t a recession a period of diminished economic activity?

A: It’s more accurate to say that a recession—the way we use the word—is a period of diminishing activity rather than diminished activity.

Also, check out their press release from November 26, 2001, declaring that the economy was in recession.

It's long, but it basically says the economy was in recession becuase it fit the criteria of diminishing economic activity in several key areas, such as "in industrial production, employment, real income, and wholesale-retail trade."
posted by thewittyname at 11:03 AM on March 7, 2002

"Let the economy soar.... like it's never soared before..."
posted by gyc at 11:11 AM on March 7, 2002

So a minister of finance, a wall street banker and a clown walk into a bar....

(My half-assed attempt to compensate for my serious post above....apologies to all)
posted by thewittyname at 11:11 AM on March 7, 2002

alan greenspan = shecky green?
posted by mkelley at 11:12 AM on March 7, 2002

Now we have people posting wacky pictures, ripe for parody. What do you think this is, sjc, Fark?
posted by CrunchyFrog at 11:16 AM on March 7, 2002

posted by tippiedog at 11:21 AM on March 7, 2002

Recession= when your friends are out of work
Depression= when you are out of work
Inflation= when it costs more to wash your clothes at the laundromat than it does to throw them away and buy new clothes. (it's a goods/services thing)
There was a term coined back in the Ford-Carter times: STAGFLATION that seems to fit these days: Stagnate growth/inflating prices.
posted by Mack Twain at 12:23 PM on March 7, 2002

"Hmmmm. Maybe if the economy wasn't so fucked, we would be able to buy some goddamned toilet paper for the Fed's crapper."
posted by ColdChef at 12:33 PM on March 7, 2002

"It's true what they say, my darling. Here it is, an hour later, and I'm hungry again."
posted by ColdChef at 12:35 PM on March 7, 2002

"Yeah, true love is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT- mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, when the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato is ripe."
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:36 PM on March 7, 2002

"Yup, sorry to say, your penis is only this big, Alan."
posted by yarf at 12:39 PM on March 7, 2002

"Yes, the nation is doing well and she's got huge... tracts of land!"
posted by yarf at 12:44 PM on March 7, 2002

Ever get the feeling that you're witnessing the birth of something big?
posted by NortonDC at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2002

"Damn, you son'sabitches is tiny. What are you? Five one? Five two?
posted by ColdChef at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2002

Stormy -- FoFer's link to the Reuter's piece is a good summary... having studied economics years ago, right after a major recession and into the beginnings of an expansion, I remember the discussion vividly. Well, not really. I remember taking notes, and wishing it was not a required course, but still....

A recession is sustained economic decline. The two-consecutive-quarter thing is a common test, but isn't the only valid one. One mentioned in the Reuter's article would be depressed first and third quarters with a minor rise in second -- a recession, but not meeting the same test as before.

The best way to know if you are in a recession is not to be in it, but be after it looking back.
posted by dwivian at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2002

ColdChef, alternate caption for this one:

Very kind offer, Mr. Shiokawa! Let me just help you with that zipper.
posted by pardonyou? at 12:52 PM on March 7, 2002

"Listen, Dick. If you don't smack 'em around a little bit, then how your bitches gonna know who daddy is? By the way, love the J. Crew look you got going on."
posted by ColdChef at 12:54 PM on March 7, 2002

ColdChef - An airplane loveseat, how shagadelic.
posted by NortonDC at 12:56 PM on March 7, 2002

How I love you,
How I love you,
My dear old Mammy!
posted by mrhappy at 12:57 PM on March 7, 2002

"The U.S. economy needs a cash infusion of ... one meeelllion dollars!"
posted by pardonyou? at 12:57 PM on March 7, 2002

I heart all of you except for Doug.
posted by solistrato at 12:57 PM on March 7, 2002

T8?http://www.repubblica.it/online/economia/walldieciaprile/sale/internetap001f3de8cxw200h303c00cxw190h289c00.jpg">"I hold in my hands a list of every single American who will be able to turn a profit this year. Choke on it, bitches."
posted by ColdChef at 1:15 PM on March 7, 2002

I have no idea what happened there.
posted by ColdChef at 1:16 PM on March 7, 2002

This is exactly what I needed today. Greatest thread ever. And, I am even more impressed with the fact that people reubutting each other open up with the word "sorry," and actually seem to mean it.
posted by adampsyche at 1:27 PM on March 7, 2002

Alan "Zoolander" Greenspan
posted by jonah at 1:35 PM on March 7, 2002

I think the greatest dead thread might be the Pulp Fiction/Star Wars collision that got deleted yesterday.

Why, yes, yes I do have the whole thing archived.
posted by NortonDC at 1:37 PM on March 7, 2002

"Have you seen Andrea's ass, man? I can fill up both hands with room to spare. Yeah, there's some junk in that trunk, but my baby's gotta have back, youknowwhati'msayin'? Umm, that's fiiine."
posted by pardonyou? at 1:41 PM on March 7, 2002

BlueTrain -- "definition" be damned, if we ain't in a recession, I'd hate to see what a "real" recession is like.
Uh, refer to text books for for the "real" recession in the 40's...or ask one's grandparents...
posted by jmd82 at 1:46 PM on March 7, 2002

NortonDC, that thread deserved to remain not for what it started out to be, but for what it became. I at least hoped for some sort of, I don't know, "warning" or "notice" before it got deleted. But like ColdChef said, the mysterious hand of Matt moves fast, or something like that. (By the way, CC saved most of it, too).
posted by pardonyou? at 1:49 PM on March 7, 2002

ColdChef, you're my hero for the next 15 minutes.
posted by solistrato at 1:52 PM on March 7, 2002

uh, uh, uh excuse me? please could i have a... uh, uh, excuse me?"
posted by kliuless at 1:58 PM on March 7, 2002

CC, that last pic/comment of yours...beautiful! I'm still trying to clean my monitor off.
posted by BlueTrain at 1:59 PM on March 7, 2002

Alan Greenspan belongs on the balcony
posted by dogmatic at 2:02 PM on March 7, 2002

oh man - anyone willing to share their archive of the Star Wars/Pulp Fiction thread? that thread had me crying, and when i told a friend to check it out it was already dead.
posted by modge at 2:05 PM on March 7, 2002

"Huh, huh, huh. Thanks Alan, that was a lovely, lovely poem. Brought back some memories, that's for sure. And just so you don't feel left out, here's one for you:

Alan was Chariman of the Fed
One day he stopped using his head.
He made fun of his boss,
and the boss's love sauce,
Now Alan's gonna wash dishes instead."

posted by pardonyou? at 2:11 PM on March 7, 2002

Anyone that wants the the Star Wars/Pulp Fiction thread, email me and I'll send it (it's not ginormous).
posted by NortonDC at 2:12 PM on March 7, 2002

for all the greenspan haters out there, know there is at least one lover.
posted by disaster at 2:22 PM on March 7, 2002

I like PG rated ColdChef
posted by goneill at 2:22 PM on March 7, 2002

Bring him back.
posted by goneill at 2:22 PM on March 7, 2002

and lest we not forget, his better half :)

btw, coldchef has single-handedly defined internet stand-up!
posted by kliuless at 2:27 PM on March 7, 2002

Uh, refer to text books for for the "real" recession in the 40's...or ask one's grandparents...

Uh, jmd82, I think you're talking about the "Depression." As in "The Great." Yeah, different word.
posted by Fofer at 2:48 PM on March 7, 2002

dogmatic, you took the next post out of my mouth. fucker.
posted by adampsyche at 3:45 PM on March 7, 2002

Uggg. I hate to self-link, but you see my entire web presence-- my site uber-logo-- my blog-branding-- (and any other 3rd quarter '99 fast company terminology there is for a (duh!) picture on a home page) is based upon nothing other than the conjunction of (a) Alan G. is funny and funny lookin' too and (b) he's even funnier if he's in drag and likes to bake.
posted by limitedpie at 3:55 PM on March 7, 2002

limitedpie, if you hate to self-link, and it's specifically against MeFi policy, I have some advice: DON'T DO IT!!!
posted by BlueTrain at 3:57 PM on March 7, 2002

You can self-link in comments.

Especially if they involve the dreamtastic Alan Greenspan. *swoon*
posted by solistrato at 3:58 PM on March 7, 2002

A perfectly appropriate time for a self-link limitedpie.
posted by goneill at 4:05 PM on March 7, 2002

bluetrain, it's all in the guidelines. If pertinent to a discussion feel free to link to your own stuff.

(but not a pitch to your product/software and don't act like you found it via some site when it is your site.)
posted by mathowie at 4:44 PM on March 7, 2002

Guys...isn't it obvious? Alan Greenspan = Beaker
posted by mosspink at 5:19 PM on March 7, 2002

"To dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam the imPOSSible dreeeeeeeeeeeeeam ..."
posted by diddlegnome at 5:20 PM on March 7, 2002

::runs in late::

posted by lotsofno at 6:59 PM on March 7, 2002

said somewhere up above - this is the best thread in a long while

youse people are too damn funny.

cheers to all
posted by lampshade at 7:44 PM on March 7, 2002

In a picture I a saw of him last week, he looks like Mr. Slate. Or in other words, FED Flintstone
posted by ParisParamus at 8:01 PM on March 7, 2002

Not beaker.. More a cross of woody allen and beaker I reckon..
posted by Mossy at 3:48 AM on March 8, 2002

mossy: Actually, I will correct myself and concede the possibility exists that Greenspan could be the product of a gene-splicing experiment--utilizing the DNA of Professor Honeydew, Beaker and Woody Allen--gone seriously awry.
posted by mosspink at 3:10 PM on March 8, 2002

« Older   |   Why wait for Malcolm, when you can get a sneak... Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments