"...and I was licking the baby's face."

October 7, 2015 11:54 AM

Earlier this year, legendary actor Brian Blessed withdrew from the Guildford Shakespeare Company's production of King Lear due to complications with an existing heart condition. And so to see his name trending on Twitter this morning was a cause of some alarm to his fans - until it was revealed that not only was he not dead, he was on BBC Radio 4 talking about a 1963 incident in which he helped a woman deliver her baby in a public park. [Warning: some birth details]
posted by angeline (60 comments total)

FRESH HORSES!
posted by tzikeh at 11:57 AM on October 7, 2015 [10 favorites]

I presume this radio appearance was related to his memoirs, coming out tomorrow, available in book and kindle formats, but more importantly, as an audiobook as read by the author?
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:00 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

I know home births were common back then, so it would seem feasible that he knew what to do. Upon reading the part where he bit off the umbilical cord and licked the baby, the home birth he attended was probably the dog or cat.
posted by dr_dank at 12:01 PM on October 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

I think you meant to refer to "legendary actor BRIAN BLESSED"
posted by zombieflanders at 12:01 PM on October 7, 2015 [14 favorites]

Good to hear that we won't be kicking off a Station Eleven superflu after all.
posted by Kwine at 12:01 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

Delivered, cord-bitten and licked clean by BRIAN BLESSED!? This is literally the most awesome way any human being has ever come into this world and I am hella jealous
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:04 PM on October 7, 2015 [26 favorites]

I can't wait to DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE into this story.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:05 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

And then he shouted out, "GORDON'S ALIVE!"
posted by Zonker at 12:08 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Blessed is a quite extraordinary person in a multitude of ways, as Stephen Fry does his best to explain.
posted by howfar at 12:09 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Okay, so that baby had to become someone famous, right? Because you don't get born like that and never achieve greatness. I'm betting on Seal.
posted by Etrigan at 12:09 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

In another bizarre anecdote, Blessed insisted he could remember his own birth. “It sounds ridiculous but I remember being born,” he said. “I was in ice and boulders and burst through it, felt this tremendous pressure and then suddenly found myself being born and immediately saw my mother and father.”

I 100% believe this
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:10 PM on October 7, 2015 [23 favorites]

BRIAN BLESSED REMEMBERS THE BIRTH OF THE UUUUUUUUUUNIVERSE

mortals ye shall weep if you doubt me

(large rumbling sound as continents vibrate)
posted by lalochezia at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

In another bizarre anecdote, Blessed insisted he could remember his own birth.

BRIAN BLESSED was not born, he was hewn from coal and thunder and cheap beer.
posted by Etrigan at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2015 [12 favorites]

SHOUTING
posted by Artw at 12:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [9 favorites]

Just when you think BRIAN BLESSED can't get any cooler...
posted by davros42 at 12:14 PM on October 7, 2015

Here he is in an episode of Stephen Fry's series on English, saying"bollocks" a lot.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:17 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

cheap beer

When I was a carefree young binge drinker in Wales, I had a penchant for the cheap and tasty Dutch lager Oranjeboom, known universally in Cardiff as "Boom". I had a number of ideas for advertising this wonder-liquor, but my favourite of all was the simple scene of Brian Blessed and his wife Hildegarde dining at their home in Bagshot, with Brian reaching out an enormous fist for the familiar blue, white and gold can, cracking it open and taking a hearty swig, before turning his foam-flecked countenance to camera and enunciating, clear and loud, a single syllable: "BOOM!".
posted by howfar at 12:19 PM on October 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

BRIAN BLESSED has got to be approaching some sort of cosmic asymptotic limit on awesomeness. How much more awesome can one person get? The answer is none. None more awesome.

(His last anecdote, though, does set off my tall-tale detector.)
posted by The Nutmeg of Consolation at 12:21 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

“I was in ice and boulders and burst through it, felt this tremendous pressure and then suddenly found myself being born and immediately saw my mother and father.”

BRIAN BLESSED literally being the progeny of Gaia would explain quite a lot.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:22 PM on October 7, 2015 [12 favorites]

Blessed's extraordinary story unfolded because among Purves' guests on the show was male midwife Mark Harris, founder of the birth education programme Birthing for Blokes.

Mr Harris said after the show: “I have never in twenty years of experience noticed anyone doing that.”

Casting doubt on the veracity of Blessed’s anecdote, he said: “I thorough enjoyed how engaging the story was, but just got a sense that maybe he was having a theatrical memory."

Mr Harris said that biting a newborn baby's umbilical chord and licking its face are “not necessary or recommended”.

“I can’t imagine it would harm the baby or its mother, but it is not something would recommend,” he said.

“If you are ever in that situation, you just allow the baby to come out. There is no need to bite the chord or lick its face. You can leave the baby attached and keep it warm until emergency services come”.

And when they get there, you hold up the baby and scream "GORDON'S ALIVE!!!"
posted by zarq at 12:24 PM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

Very much looking forward to Brian playing Matt Berry's father on Toast Of London soon.
posted by ktoad at 12:24 PM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

Brian Blessed: I turned down Doctor Who
posted by Artw at 12:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

BRIAN BLESSED has got to be approaching some sort of cosmic asymptotic limit on awesomeness.

I have never understood the Chuck Norris joke meme, save as an illustration that some benighted souls have never heard of BRIAN BLESSED.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:27 PM on October 7, 2015 [12 favorites]

(His last anecdote, though, does set off my tall-tale detector.)

The thing is, haven't we all called bullshit on a Blessed story before, only to find it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt? I'm pretty sure there's some tall-tale telling going on sometimes, but he long ago reached the point where pretty much anything he says could be true.
posted by howfar at 12:28 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Well I have to assume the Chuck Norris meme started out as ironic, but there is nothing ironic about BRIAN BLESSED, save for the fact that HIS BONES ARE MADE OUT OF PURE METEORIC IRON
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:30 PM on October 7, 2015 [15 favorites]

Brian Blessed: I turned down Doctor Who

Oh, really?
posted by The Tensor at 12:39 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I would actually totally be down with Brian Blessed as the Doctor, though the cold-blooded pragmatist in me would insist that if a 77 year-old were to take the role, they'd need to film a regeneration scene in advance. Because, well.. you know... shit happens when you're 77.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:45 PM on October 7, 2015

FUCK CAPS LOCK DAY. IF EVER A THREAD NEEDED TO BE COMPLETELY IN CAPS, IT IS A THREAD ABOUT BRIAN BLESSED.

OH SHIT, I SAID FUCK.

OH FUCK, I SAID SHIT.
posted by dazed_one at 12:46 PM on October 7, 2015 [14 favorites]

The interview was delightful. My radio's in the kitchen, permanently set to Radio 4, because as I've mentioned a couple of times, I am a Radio 4 saddo, and I was two rooms away, heard the BOOMING Blessed voice, and am very glad I came back into range to listen to it. I choose to believe both of his birthing anecdotes are completely true.
posted by skybluepink at 12:47 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

Good to hear that we won't be kicking off a Station Eleven superflu after all.

God, I just finished this book about three hours ago. My thoughts went directly there.
posted by Windigo at 12:51 PM on October 7, 2015

Brian Blessed: The Chuck Norris It's OK to Like.
posted by Grangousier at 12:55 PM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

Mad as an elasticated badger.
posted by sobarel at 12:57 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

In case howfar's link doesn't work for you, here's a Daily Motion link to the same clip. Blessed is, well, blessed.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:01 PM on October 7, 2015

I find this story completely credible because I can never forget that BRIAN BLESSED was also JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH. "Not bad is NOT GOOD ENOUGH."
posted by lagomorphius at 1:17 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

The best part of my son's addiction to Peppa Pig is the occasional appearance by Brian Blessed.
posted by beowulf573 at 1:23 PM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

So in connection with this I've tried and failed to find a clip from a tv program I remember where, for reasons beyond all sanity, they got Brian to do some sort of travel thing about the number of Japanese woman tourists who visit Howarth (the home of the Brontes)... this mainly consisted of him 'talking'* in partial Japanese (he used to do judo) and English to some rather startled ladies about 'JAPANESE BABIES WITH BLUE BOTTOMS!'. What tales they had to tell when they got home.

Anyway you'll just have imagine how awesome it was**

*ie his hilarious stage whisper he uses when he's not bellowing. Plus some bellowing of course.

** very awesome.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I can totally believe he punched a polar bear in the face
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:30 PM on October 7, 2015

I bust out this charming Brain Blessed factoid every chance I can IRL: By then I had a baby brother, Alan. I earned him. My mother told me if I wanted a new baby I must collect milk bottle tops. I got sackloads, and on cue my brother arrived.
posted by comealongpole at 1:45 PM on October 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

It is the power of the beard.
All is explained.
posted by doctornemo at 2:02 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

BALLS TO YOUR KIND!
posted by The otter lady at 2:13 PM on October 7, 2015

Well great but WHERE ARE MY EAGLES?
posted by chaiminda at 2:24 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

If you would like Brian Blessed to give you driving directions, here's his voice purchase page for TomTom.

I can quote the entire Flash Gordon soundtrack word-for-word (and have done since I was about 9 years old, natch) and damned if his bits aren't 1000% more fun than the rest.

Sorry, Timothy Dalton, you might eventually become James Bond but you weren't nearly as charismatic as Voltan when I was growing up.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:15 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

I can't find any evidence of this, but I swear that when I was a small child I went to see a production of Cats in which BRIAN BLESSED played Old Deuteronomy, and I got him to sign my programme at the interval after being shooed up to do so by whichever adult had accompanied me, assuring me he was important in some way. He had a silver pen.

I wish I could find that programme.
posted by corvine at 3:54 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

I can't help you with the autograph, but you're not imagining things. BRIAN BLESSED was apparently in the 1981 London production, and there's video evidence!
posted by zombieflanders at 3:59 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

EDNA!
posted by bakerina at 4:05 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I think he originated the role, and that of Bustopher Jones. Because of course.
posted by notquitemaryann at 4:17 PM on October 7, 2015

Yesss

Bonus
posted by notquitemaryann at 4:25 PM on October 7, 2015

In the best possible universe there is a travel documentary starring BRIAN BLESSED and Werner Herzog.
posted by jason_steakums at 4:41 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

There's a Warhammer 40K videogame voice acting by Blessed AND Tom Baker, sadly it isn't very much good.
posted by Artw at 4:46 PM on October 7, 2015

My greatest regret upon getting an Android device is finding out that the official Brian Blessed Alarm Clock app is no longer available.
posted by delfin at 4:51 PM on October 7, 2015

Brian Blessed should do all the snooker commentary.

I never did finish my spec script where Blessed and John Rhys-Davies are crime-solving brothers.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 5:26 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

I wasn't even aware of Brian Blessed until he was caricatured in Monkey Dust of all places and now I just think he's incredible in every way.

I'M BRIAN BLESSED. HELLO.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:32 PM on October 7, 2015

my god the poor mother stuck unexpectedly giving birth under a tree then having to watch a booming bearded madman licking her baby and being too exhausted to do anything about it. All the biting and licking she must have thought he was going to eat it
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 8:02 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

None more awesome than BRIAN BLESSED. I mean that. Even if he did nearly kill Peter Capaldi with a punch. And I'm hoping there is a way I can see this new Channel 4 series. Matt Berry and BRIAN BLESSED? Oh, my goodness. I won't be able to watch them all in a row, though. I am constitutionally unable to take that much awesome at once.

I just re-watched my DVDs recently of I, Claudius after having seen the 1968 version of Granada Television's The Caesars online. André Morell's Tiberius was a revelation. Amazing, amazing performance that cut right though the awful b/w image quality. And he had a voice that was simply compelling to listen to. Now I want to know if André Morrell and BRIAN BLESSED had ever worked together. I'm awed by what BLESSED does in I, Claudius, where he simply lays in bed and dies while Siân Phillips gives her revenge speech off camera. Close-up on his face for 3 minutes, he's absolutely silent, and his character is stone dead for 2 of those minutes. Chills.
posted by droplet at 8:28 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Dear Jim,

Please paint me a picture of Brian Blessed riding a Henry hoover alongside D'n'B DJ Goldie on a Dyson. They are racing on the Mario kart level rainbow road and are both drunk on white ace cider.

Thanks,
Tommy

posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 1:17 AM on October 8, 2015 [8 favorites]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Brian Fucking Blessed.

Chuck Norris wishes he was as remarkable as Brian Blessed.
posted by rmd1023 at 4:02 AM on October 8, 2015

BRIAN BLESSED opines on THE BIRTH OF HANDHELD COMPUTING
posted by Devonian at 8:25 AM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm awed by what BLESSED does in I, Claudius, where he simply lays in bed and dies while Siân Phillips gives her revenge speech off camera.

That is good. I also quite enjoyed the part where BRIAN BLESSED, who, being cleanshaven as Augustus is unrecognizable as being BRIAN BLESSED, is questioning all his bro Senators as to who boinked his daughter Messalina as part of her sexathon, and he's walking around quite calmly but with seething rage just below the surface, questioning one after the other, and you know the volcano's gonna blow, it's gonna come, it's gonna come, and then it finally does, and it's a HUGE GODDAMN BRIAN BLESSED VOLCANO, and then you're all like, yup, that's BRIAN BLESSED allright.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:28 AM on October 8, 2015 [5 favorites]

I'M BRIAN BLESSED. HELLO.

This makes me badly want to see an SNL sketch bringing back Tracy Morgan and guest starring Brian Blessed.

Brian Fellowes meets Brian Blessed. Get on it.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 1:40 PM on October 9, 2015

Brian Blessed: I turned down Doctor Who

Brian Blessed as the Corsair. Make it happen, Moffat.
posted by homunculus at 9:34 AM on October 10, 2015