"No - no no no! Dude, don't do that!"
October 7, 2015 5:41 PM   Subscribe

Extreme phone pinching is the latest trend sweeping social media networks, and it involves holding your expensive phone over perilous locations.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome (59 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
None. None more dumber.
posted by odinsdream at 5:44 PM on October 7, 2015 [33 favorites]


So ... this is the latest version of Send Me To Heaven?
posted by tocts at 5:46 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]




Extreme loaf pinching is much more my speed
posted by item at 5:51 PM on October 7, 2015 [34 favorites]


Those pictures made me feel extreme anxiety and now I'm afraid I'm a bad person.

Am... am I millennial?
posted by billybunny at 5:54 PM on October 7, 2015 [6 favorites]


I need to go sit down in a dark room and calm down after looking at these
posted by The Whelk at 5:56 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm holding my phone over the metafilter rage right now. #extremesomethingsomething
posted by clvrmnky at 6:01 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]


this is the definition of a problem that will fix itself.
posted by kmkrebs at 6:04 PM on October 7, 2015 [17 favorites]


My wife: Hon, if you're going to sit and mutter 'idiots' at a website, you probably shouldn't be reading it.

Me: I blame MeFi.
posted by Mooski at 6:05 PM on October 7, 2015 [32 favorites]


This is stupid and also why do phones not have lanyard holes anymore? The lack of lanyard attachment slots is also stupid.
posted by asperity at 6:05 PM on October 7, 2015 [15 favorites]


If you watch the actual clip, it's very obvious that they're having fun with this. I was ready to rage at the damn kids on my lawn, but it turned out they're just some fresh-faced youngsters up to some wholesome mischief.
posted by skewed at 6:06 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


well, on second-glance, the video clip is just people having stupid, light-hearted fun. The twitter photos are pretty annoying.
posted by skewed at 6:08 PM on October 7, 2015


I once *almost* dropped my shitty phone on a drain (although calling it a drain is a stretch, it genuinely looks like a bbq grill), and saved it with a swift volley kick to the bushes.

I live even more dangerously. Amateurs.
posted by lmfsilva at 6:16 PM on October 7, 2015 [10 favorites]


I once *almost* dropped my shitty phone on a drain (although calling it a drain is a stretch, it genuinely looks like a bbq grill), and saved it with a swift volley kick to the bushes.

PS, it was a Nokia and it broke your foot?
posted by xedrik at 6:21 PM on October 7, 2015 [8 favorites]


This upsets me in an entirely new and unique way. I am surprised that my central nervous system had special pathways already in place for this.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:23 PM on October 7, 2015 [34 favorites]


Next up: Extreme Toddler Pinching
posted by HuronBob at 6:24 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


I wondered what the people who were into planking are doing now.
posted by 4ster at 6:27 PM on October 7, 2015 [9 favorites]


PS, it was a Nokia and it broke your foot?

If it was a Nokia, I'd let it go and book a flight to New Zealand in order to retrieve it.
posted by lmfsilva at 6:27 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


I wondered what the people who were into planking are doing now.

Matt became a footbridge across a creek in Iceland
Jennifer got thinly sliced, steamed, bent, and turned into a violin
Aminah is part of a treehouse now
Greg has been sandwiched between wooden planks in a Home Depot, and he's never felt better
posted by clockzero at 6:36 PM on October 7, 2015 [65 favorites]


A few days after getting her first smartphone my wife decided to try out the camera at the zoo, holding it far out over the railing at the hippo exhibit trying it this way and that and clearly not having a very good grip on it and some trouble hitting the shutter button when she wanted to. When I coughed and said she might want to consider that unlike her camera her five hundred dollar phone did not have a strap she looked down at the water, said "huh," and kept going.

The phone died of shitty service before she dropped it in the water though.
posted by Bringer Tom at 6:37 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


Is this sex related? I heard there was pinching.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:48 PM on October 7, 2015


Back in 1987, my girlfriend and I moved from Michigan to New Jersey after graduating from college. Over the next 18 months, there were many drives back and forth between the two states. On the Ohio Turnpike, when I was driving, she used to love to hold the turnpike ticket—one of those big old-fashioned ones the size of computer punch cards--out the window with her hand flat and facing forward, so the force of the wind was the only thing holding it in place. This always freaked me out—we were pretty broke, and "lose your ticket, pay the fare from the very first exit" would have been a big deal for us. But the risk gave her a thrill.

She's probably out there somewhere right now, holding her phone over an erupting volcano or something.
posted by not that girl at 6:49 PM on October 7, 2015 [36 favorites]


you know the Russians are laughing at this right?
posted by Annika Cicada at 9:48 on October 8


Russia refuses to acknowledge anything as being "extreme" unless there is a better than 50% chance of actual death
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:49 PM on October 7, 2015 [10 favorites]


I thought these were supposed to be smart phones.
posted by drezdn at 7:00 PM on October 7, 2015


I'd like to see a phone pinched above the bottom of a barrel. That'd be ironic or meta or something.
posted by davebush at 7:01 PM on October 7, 2015


Don't worry, I'm due for an upgrade and my babies are in the cloud.
posted by qcubed at 7:08 PM on October 7, 2015


Show me your expired AppleCare+ policy and then I'll know you're really a risk-taker.
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:11 PM on October 7, 2015 [4 favorites]


Ah this requires friends to take the picture. Is there also a trend that gives you those?
posted by johnnydummkopf at 7:13 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


But...will it blend?
posted by T.D. Strange at 7:20 PM on October 7, 2015


The thing that bothered me the most about this was that the first two "And the videos.." were just vines/clips of the original youtube video they linked.

LIKE DID YOU EVEN LOOK AT WHAT YOU WERE POSTING AUTHOR OF A SOCIAL MEDIA TREND PIECE? Or did you just grab the first things that came up on the hashtag?
posted by mayonnaises at 7:28 PM on October 7, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is stupid and also why do phones not have lanyard holes anymore? The lack of lanyard attachment slots is also stupid.

I could have so many cute phone charms right now if only lanyard holes were still a thing. :(
posted by Andrhia at 7:30 PM on October 7, 2015 [5 favorites]


Russia refuses to acknowledge anything as being "extreme" unless there is a better than 50% chance of actual death

I am pretty okay with this just as a way to combat the overuse of the word "extreme".

/walks away to scoop "Fresh Step Extreme" cat litter.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:45 PM on October 7, 2015 [2 favorites]


Have these people not heard of Roko's Basilisk?
posted by Meatbomb at 7:46 PM on October 7, 2015 [10 favorites]


I thought these were supposed to be smart phones.
posted by drezdn at 7:00 PM on October 7 [+] [!]


Replace "smart phones" with "dump terminals" and you might understand the joke better.
posted by daq at 8:38 PM on October 7, 2015


As someone still clinging onto my dumbphone, this is making me cackle with glee. Yes, yes, pinch on, my pretties!
posted by threeants at 8:50 PM on October 7, 2015


Like I did the by mistake version of this over a toilet recently and it was NBD, just lost all of my contacts ever because my phone is too old for Backup Assistance
posted by threeants at 8:53 PM on October 7, 2015


#don'ttrythiswithtourettes
posted by jamjam at 9:19 PM on October 7, 2015


Have these people not heard of Roko's Basilisk?
posted by Meatbomb at 8:46 PM on October 7


They have not.
posted by qbject at 10:03 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]


Even though I hate it, I'm not actually trying to break my crappy LG android phone. I drop it onto a hard surface every other day or three. Sometimes it falls off my desk. Other times, it slips out of my butter fingers as I pull it out of my pocket. One time, it slid off the roof of my car and onto the street at 25 mph. It never breaks; not even a scratch. The $8 hard case I bought for it works a little too well. I haven't dropped it in the toilet yet. With my luck, it probably floats.
posted by double block and bleed at 10:16 PM on October 7, 2015 [1 favorite]




Have these people not heard of Roko's Basilisk?

This has definite New Yorker comic caption potential.
posted by notyou at 11:16 PM on October 7, 2015 [14 favorites]


Bukvich demonstrates the Russian notion of "extreme" very succinctly
posted by DoctorFedora at 11:38 PM on October 7, 2015


HuronBob: "Next up: Extreme Toddler Pinching"

This was actually a trend for a while, several celebrities got into it.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:55 PM on October 7, 2015


Woman accidentally shoots herself in the head while posing for a selfie

She put a loaded gun to her head. The 'selfie' part is not the problem.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:04 AM on October 8, 2015 [5 favorites]


This is like parkour for the desperately out-of-shape.
posted by Chitownfats at 2:32 AM on October 8, 2015 [7 favorites]


why do phones not have lanyard holes anymore? The lack of lanyard attachment slots is also stupid.

Phones don't have them, but many cases (you know, the thing you buy to protect your phone) do. I like having mine so that I can snap photos while dangling off a rope on a 200 ft cliff. I was kind of hoping that this trend would have more of that, but, pffft. Kids.
posted by bl1nk at 4:58 AM on October 8, 2015


I like having mine so that I can snap photos while dangling off a rope on a 200 ft cliff. I was kind of hoping that this trend would have more of that, but, pffft. Kids.

Umm, yeah we definitely DON'T need more of that. Some 'extreme Instagrammer' (It's 2015 and I just typed those words, wow) died recently while trying to take a photo.

Taking fun photos and enjoying Instagram/social networking are things I am totally on board with, but not at the expense of your own life. Please be safe.
posted by Fizz at 5:07 AM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, yeah. I'll be impressed with your extreme pinching when its an iPad or similar that you are pinching. I mean, who can't hold a 100g phone between their thumb and forefinger? Do it now. Hold your phone by the corner and wiggle it around. Doesn't go anywhere does it?

I just tried it with an iPad. Also didn't drop it. Side wind would be more of a factor though.

It's not like trying to take a picture, which is actually more difficult.

Remember the Russians dangling their daughters off balconies by their hair to show its strength? That qualifies as extreme.
posted by asok at 5:37 AM on October 8, 2015


Last winter there were at least two separate drownings in the Chicago River from people who went in after their phones. One of the incidents involved multiple people.
posted by srboisvert at 5:57 AM on October 8, 2015


The phones are very smart, frankly.

However, they do not have limbs, indeed they have no musculature at all. There is nothing they can do about this. And they might even know that if somehow they had started fighting back, the people holding them over bottomless chasms or exposed machinery would be alarmed and drop them.

"What about Siri," you might ask. "Wouldn't Siri voice an objection?"

Siri is in the cloud, my friends. Siri has no worldly connection to your phone's concerns.
posted by ardgedee at 6:33 AM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


MetaFilter: like parkour for the desperately out-of-shape
posted by Foosnark at 6:34 AM on October 8, 2015


bl1nk: "I like having mine so that I can snap photos while dangling off a rope on a 200 ft cliff."

Fizz: "Umm, yeah we definitely DON'T need more of that."

Looking at bl1nk's photo, there's a huge, huge difference between "taking a photo while suspended by a climbing rope and harness" (which is how the photo was most likely taken, considering it's showing another person suspended by a climbing rope and harness) and "taking a photo while just holding onto some rope", which is what the Russian selfie article seems to be about.
posted by Bugbread at 6:38 AM on October 8, 2015


Veblen.
posted by wuwei at 6:51 AM on October 8, 2015 [5 favorites]


Phones don't have them, but many cases (you know, the thing you buy to protect your phone) do.

True, but having a strap to grab makes having a case that interferes with reception, sound, and cooling much less necessary.
posted by asperity at 9:36 AM on October 8, 2015


Smart phones. Dumb people.
posted by monospace at 10:57 AM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]


::walks up to mic::
::picks it up::
::taps it::

Ahem.

NO!

::drops mic::
::walks away::
posted by Splunge at 11:36 AM on October 8, 2015


having a case that interferes with reception, sound, and cooling

If your case interferes with reception or sound you have the wrong case. If your phone needs cooling then you have the wrong phone.
posted by Bringer Tom at 4:46 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]


Matt became a footbridge across a creek in Iceland
Jennifer got thinly sliced, steamed, bent, and turned into a violin
Aminah is part of a treehouse now
Greg has been sandwiched between wooden planks in a Home Depot, and he's never felt better


@clockzero This was meant to be sung to the tune of "88 Lines About 44 Women," right?? I hope


Anyway I'm sorry but holding something between your thumb and forefinger is not that difficult..
Spin your phone like a basketball or something, then I'll be impressed.
posted by wats at 8:16 PM on October 8, 2015


I agree, it's not like they have some sneaky code built in turning their claw strength up and down
posted by yoHighness at 3:19 AM on October 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


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