Bathe in Sith Lord Remorse
October 16, 2015 8:50 AM Subscribe
Star Wars Showerheads Will Let You Bathe In Vader’s Tears
Also from Bed Bath & Beyond: Darth Vader Toaster
Also from Bed Bath & Beyond: Darth Vader Toaster
Visionaries.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:54 AM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 8:54 AM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
My wife will not be on board for this.
posted by mazola at 8:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mazola at 8:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
who thinks "man, you know what people will pay for? Having R2-D2 piss on them"
Rule 34, man. Rule 34 and Rule 41 in this case.
posted by nubs at 8:58 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Rule 34, man. Rule 34 and Rule 41 in this case.
posted by nubs at 8:58 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
My world is not complete until I can also sit on a toilet shaped like Darth Vader, while reading the net with my phone, snuggled lovingly into a case shaped like Darth Vader. While of course wearing a Darth Vader bathrobe.
Furthermore, once I have performed my morning ablutions in my entirely black-and-chrome bathroom, I will have breakfast prepared entirely by Darth Vader-shaped appliances and eaten off of Darth Vader themed plates. I will put them into my dishwasher (shaped like the head of Darth Maul, because you need a little variety) and then get into my VW bug, which is of course shaped like the head of Darth Vader. I will drive to my workplace where I will sit in a cubicle in which every conceivable element is shaped like Darth Vader, from my pencil sharpener to my chair to my computer.
When I die, I will be dressed in a formal Darth Vader suit and enclosed into a coffin shaped like Darth Vader's head, which will be entombed beneath a gravestone carved with Darth Vader's head and nothing else.
Then, only then, will I be fulfilled.
posted by egypturnash at 9:00 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
Furthermore, once I have performed my morning ablutions in my entirely black-and-chrome bathroom, I will have breakfast prepared entirely by Darth Vader-shaped appliances and eaten off of Darth Vader themed plates. I will put them into my dishwasher (shaped like the head of Darth Maul, because you need a little variety) and then get into my VW bug, which is of course shaped like the head of Darth Vader. I will drive to my workplace where I will sit in a cubicle in which every conceivable element is shaped like Darth Vader, from my pencil sharpener to my chair to my computer.
When I die, I will be dressed in a formal Darth Vader suit and enclosed into a coffin shaped like Darth Vader's head, which will be entombed beneath a gravestone carved with Darth Vader's head and nothing else.
Then, only then, will I be fulfilled.
posted by egypturnash at 9:00 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
I thought the first versions of these were better.
posted by Chuffy at 9:03 AM on October 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 9:03 AM on October 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
Vader soap to go with your Vader shower head.
(Should have been called New Hope Soap on a Rope)
posted by Kabanos at 9:04 AM on October 16, 2015 [8 favorites]
(Should have been called New Hope Soap on a Rope)
posted by Kabanos at 9:04 AM on October 16, 2015 [8 favorites]
Also, I hope the Vader showerhead provides sufficient water pressure. Because you have to be able to say "The Force is strong with this one" or the point is lost, no?
posted by nubs at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by nubs at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
Does George Lucas' shower head rain cash? Answer: yes.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Someone at some point is going to look at the shape of Vader's helmet and realize it was born to be a vibrator. That is, if someone hasn't already.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by the phlegmatic king at 9:08 AM on October 16, 2015
When I see things like this, I think of how confusing this will be for anthropologists in 2,000 years. They're going to assume we worshiped these characters (and who's to say that lots don't?).
We look back at ancient Romans and say, "Wow, look at this crazy convoluted mythology with all these crazy characters. They even had the Minotaur on serving plates and stuff! They believed this?" I like to think that all of the Roman mythology was just the product of a series of cheesy plays that, like Lucas, had an amazing marketing department behind them.
posted by cmoj at 9:09 AM on October 16, 2015 [24 favorites]
We look back at ancient Romans and say, "Wow, look at this crazy convoluted mythology with all these crazy characters. They even had the Minotaur on serving plates and stuff! They believed this?" I like to think that all of the Roman mythology was just the product of a series of cheesy plays that, like Lucas, had an amazing marketing department behind them.
posted by cmoj at 9:09 AM on October 16, 2015 [24 favorites]
look at the shape of Vader's helmet
Someone told me it was inspired by this 3D slide projector.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:16 AM on October 16, 2015
Someone told me it was inspired by this 3D slide projector.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:16 AM on October 16, 2015
Is there a C3PO golden showerhead?
posted by lagomorphius at 9:16 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by lagomorphius at 9:16 AM on October 16, 2015 [17 favorites]
How about a Chewbacca showerhead that leaves the drain full of hair every shower?
posted by lagomorphius at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by lagomorphius at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
I just don't see who would need this. (I say this as a person who totally and completely needs these).
posted by Mchelly at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by Mchelly at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2015
Helluva strain on the ol' moisture farm.
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:18 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:18 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sometimes I am amazed at the stuff Star Wars fans go ape-poopy for, but I shouldn't be.
posted by Kitteh at 9:19 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by Kitteh at 9:19 AM on October 16, 2015
If your water leaves mineral deposits and you're not diligent about cleaning, Darth is going get some snowy eyebrows and whiskers after a while.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:19 AM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:19 AM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Someone at some point is going to look at the shape of Vader's helmet and realize it was born to be a vibrator. That is, if someone hasn't already.
Someone has already. I don't think anyone's manufactured anything, though.
(For the love of christ, NSFW.)
posted by sciatrix at 9:23 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Someone has already. I don't think anyone's manufactured anything, though.
(For the love of christ, NSFW.)
posted by sciatrix at 9:23 AM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am disappointed that it does not cry out "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" when water is forced through it.
posted by kyrademon at 9:24 AM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 9:24 AM on October 16, 2015 [15 favorites]
All showerheads do that, just at a very high frequency
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:29 AM on October 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:29 AM on October 16, 2015 [6 favorites]
When I see things like this, I think of how confusing this will be for anthropologists in 2,000 years. They're going to assume we worshiped these characters (and who's to say that lots don't?).
We look back at ancient Romans and say, "Wow, look at this crazy convoluted mythology with all these crazy characters. They even had the Minotaur on serving plates and stuff! They believed this?" I like to think that all of the Roman mythology was just the product of a series of cheesy plays that, like Lucas, had an amazing marketing department behind them.
Have I got something for you.
posted by lagomorphius at 9:30 AM on October 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
who thinks "man, you know what people will pay for? Having R2-D2 piss on them"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by George Lucas at 9:40 AM on October 16, 2015 [43 favorites]
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by George Lucas at 9:40 AM on October 16, 2015 [43 favorites]
I had a great idea but then a quick Google showed I wasn't the first.
posted by gottabefunky at 9:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 9:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
who thinks "man, you know what people will pay for? Having R2-D2 piss on them"
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by George Lucas at 12:40 PM on October 16 [2 favorites +] [!]
woah
posted by MidStream at 9:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by George Lucas at 12:40 PM on October 16 [2 favorites +] [!]
woah
posted by MidStream at 9:57 AM on October 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
And don't forget this classic: the Darth Vader low flush volume toilet!
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 9:59 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 9:59 AM on October 16, 2015
There should be some kind of SFW Rule 34 that says every possible thing will at some point be sold as a Star Wars tie-in product.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:00 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by gottabefunky at 10:00 AM on October 16, 2015
There should be some kind of SFW Rule 34 that says every possible thing will at some point be sold as a Star Wars tie-in product.
It's not just Star Wars. As the amount of money a piece of media makes grows, the probability of novelty soup tie-in products approaches 1.
posted by nubs at 10:17 AM on October 16, 2015
It's not just Star Wars. As the amount of money a piece of media makes grows, the probability of novelty soup tie-in products approaches 1.
posted by nubs at 10:17 AM on October 16, 2015
Shower Vader is watching you exfoliate.
posted by nathan_teske at 10:21 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by nathan_teske at 10:21 AM on October 16, 2015
Star Wars tie-in junk? Top this. (and remember, it's #1 in a series)
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2015
I find your lack of hygiene disturbing.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2015 [10 favorites]
here I Sith / broken hearted
I don't have an ending / I kinda wish I hadn't started
posted by mintcake! at 11:05 AM on October 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
I don't have an ending / I kinda wish I hadn't started
posted by mintcake! at 11:05 AM on October 16, 2015 [7 favorites]
Han shat first.
posted by tonycpsu at 11:47 AM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by tonycpsu at 11:47 AM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
Star Wars Urinal Cakes: Stay on target
posted by nubs at 11:53 AM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by nubs at 11:53 AM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
Remember, a showerhead can feel the Force flowing thru him.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:57 AM on October 16, 2015
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:57 AM on October 16, 2015
New from Nabisco: Wookie Dookie Lookie Cookie
posted by Sys Rq at 12:01 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Sys Rq at 12:01 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Bathe. Or bathe not. There is no spa.
posted by nubs at 12:08 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by nubs at 12:08 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
who thinks "man, you know what people will pay for? Having R2-D2 piss on them"
See thee pee Oh!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:08 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
See thee pee Oh!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:08 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
This seems like a bit of a missed opportunity. Why have R2 and Vader shower heads when it would make more sense to, say, make a Boss Nass shower head? Or Emperor Palpatine, where the water shoots out of his hands like force lightning? Or a weeping Malakili?
posted by cottoncandybeard at 12:20 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by cottoncandybeard at 12:20 PM on October 16, 2015
My favorite is still the tauntaun sleeping bag, complete with lightsaber-styled zipper and internal tauntaun guts patterned lining.
posted by A dead Quaker at 12:20 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by A dead Quaker at 12:20 PM on October 16, 2015 [3 favorites]
Someone at some point is going to look at the shape of Vader's helmet and realize it was born to be a vibrator.
"Come" to the Dark Side!
posted by nubs at 12:27 PM on October 16, 2015
"Come" to the Dark Side!
posted by nubs at 12:27 PM on October 16, 2015
"Luke, I am your toaster" is just bad copy. It should be "Darth Vadar finds your lack of toast ... disturbing"
posted by AndrewStephens at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by AndrewStephens at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
Mos Eisley toilet brush: You will never clean a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:30 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:30 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm probably being unnecessarily pedantic, but the water pattern is not where tears come from. It's more like "bathe in the spray from Vader's exploding eye sockets".
....Which somehow suddenly sounds AWESOME.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:49 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
....Which somehow suddenly sounds AWESOME.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:49 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
I want my Rutger Hauer Tears-in-Rain Rejuvenating Skin Cream: All those... moments... will be lost... in five minutes' time. Look years younger! Now just $29.99 at Rite Aid.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:01 PM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:01 PM on October 16, 2015 [4 favorites]
This is still the worst SW tie-in product. (Jar Jar's tongue is made of Sour Head candy; yes, you're supposed to french-kiss him.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:06 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:06 PM on October 16, 2015 [1 favorite]
Close. Star Wars I was the worst SW tie-in product.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:09 PM on October 16, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:09 PM on October 16, 2015 [10 favorites]
Showerhead Vader looks surprised and deeply unnerved about what's happening to him. which I suppose is how a Sith Lord pressed into service as a showerhead really would look, so points for that.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:26 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 1:26 PM on October 16, 2015
I am waiting for the Kit Fisto themed...
No, I just can't finish the sentence.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:54 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
No, I just can't finish the sentence.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:54 PM on October 16, 2015 [2 favorites]
These aren't the tie-ins you're looking for.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:05 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:05 PM on October 16, 2015
Peeple: He doesn't like you. I don't like you, either.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:08 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:08 PM on October 16, 2015
There should be some kind of SFW Rule 34 that says every possible thing will at some point be sold as a Star Wars tie-in product.
Call it Rule 1138.
posted by Uncle Ira at 2:35 PM on October 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
Call it Rule 1138.
posted by Uncle Ira at 2:35 PM on October 16, 2015 [5 favorites]
Darth Vader "Equality Now" Toaster, now available at BB&B!
posted by Chuffy at 3:31 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by Chuffy at 3:31 PM on October 16, 2015
> "Star Wars I was the worst SW tie-in product."
The Holiday Special was even worse.
No, I mean it. Even worse than that.
posted by kyrademon at 6:33 PM on October 16, 2015
The Holiday Special was even worse.
No, I mean it. Even worse than that.
posted by kyrademon at 6:33 PM on October 16, 2015
The showerheads are ok, but the toilet art is great.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:04 PM on October 16, 2015
posted by Dip Flash at 7:04 PM on October 16, 2015
I just right now realized that the Darth Vader toaster literally brings your bread over to the dark side.
posted by chavenet at 1:02 AM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 1:02 AM on October 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
who thinks "man, you know what people will pay for? Having R2-D2 piss on them"
50 strips of gold-pressed latinum, same as in town.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:35 AM on October 17, 2015
50 strips of gold-pressed latinum, same as in town.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:35 AM on October 17, 2015
cmoj: "When I see things like this, I think of how confusing this will be for anthropologists in 2,000 years. They're going to assume we worshiped these characters"
"While the late 20th and early 21st century saw major religions vary by geographical region, with Judaism and its offshoots prominent in the West, Hinduism in South Asia, and Buddhism in East Asia, archaeological digs also show evidence of a globe-spanning folk religion. For example, small figures of a god named Darthvader have been found around the world. These figures have normally been found in children's rooms, so it is believed that Darthvader was a protector of children, and his fearsome visage was perhaps intended to scare away evil spirits."posted by Bugbread at 6:25 PM on October 18, 2015 [2 favorites]
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posted by mightygodking at 8:54 AM on October 16, 2015 [12 favorites]