You will need: sugar, corn syrup, dentures...
October 21, 2015 10:29 AM Subscribe
For the sensation of eating teeth, Jordan almonds really do the trick.
posted by sonascope at 10:50 AM on October 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by sonascope at 10:50 AM on October 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have that dream all the time. Turns out, I grind. When I wear a mouthguard I dream of eating these.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:52 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:52 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Have you ever had that wonderful dream where all your teeth become loose and fall out? Have you woken up and wished that you could eat your teeth in real life? Now you can! Follow these simple instructions to relive your favorite nightmare over and over and over...
*shudders*
posted by Kitteh at 10:53 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
*shudders*
posted by Kitteh at 10:53 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm just happy to learn that I can apparently buy denture teeth on ebay, for this or any other tooth-related project.
posted by mittens at 10:58 AM on October 21, 2015
posted by mittens at 10:58 AM on October 21, 2015
noooooooooooooooooope
posted by Rock Steady at 11:07 AM on October 21, 2015
posted by Rock Steady at 11:07 AM on October 21, 2015
Now where is the candy of me being late for my final examine and discovering I am naked?
posted by maxsparber at 11:16 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 11:16 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
The first thing I thought of was that scene in the Sopranos where Tony bashes the one guy's teeth out and then later is sitting there next to Carmela as they meet with the school principal (I think?) and he glances down and sees a tooth lodged in his pant cuff.
So, thanks, The Whelk.
posted by HotToddy at 11:17 AM on October 21, 2015
So, thanks, The Whelk.
posted by HotToddy at 11:17 AM on October 21, 2015
I've never had that dream. It sounds weird.
Weirdo.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:18 AM on October 21, 2015
Weirdo.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:18 AM on October 21, 2015
Yeah so, for what legitimate reasons would a person just buy their own sets of replica teeth on ebay? Because I can think of a whole mess of illegitimate reasons why I'm about to (I'm going to fill up a lamp with them like they're seashells, e.g.), but I can't imagine why a normal person would.
posted by penduluum at 11:28 AM on October 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by penduluum at 11:28 AM on October 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
If you haven't had the dream, or need animation to get a safe distance from tooth terror, trust Futurama.
posted by stirred for a bird at 11:33 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by stirred for a bird at 11:33 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm just happy to learn that I can apparently buy denture teeth on ebay, for this or any other tooth-related project.
Yeah so, for what legitimate reasons would a person just buy their own sets of replica teeth on ebay? Because I can think of a whole mess of illegitimate reasons why I'm about to (I'm going to fill up a lamp with them like they're seashells, e.g.), but I can't imagine why a normal person would.
My mom had her dentures knocked out when she was surprised and bowled over by a wave in Saint Martin on holiday. An emergency trip to the local orthodontist and and expedited manufacturing and within two days she had new teeth that she says are better than any of the other dentures she has had in her life. They also cost way less.
People don't shop around for false teeth but maybe they should.
posted by srboisvert at 11:34 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yeah so, for what legitimate reasons would a person just buy their own sets of replica teeth on ebay? Because I can think of a whole mess of illegitimate reasons why I'm about to (I'm going to fill up a lamp with them like they're seashells, e.g.), but I can't imagine why a normal person would.
My mom had her dentures knocked out when she was surprised and bowled over by a wave in Saint Martin on holiday. An emergency trip to the local orthodontist and and expedited manufacturing and within two days she had new teeth that she says are better than any of the other dentures she has had in her life. They also cost way less.
People don't shop around for false teeth but maybe they should.
posted by srboisvert at 11:34 AM on October 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Take the denture teeth out and save them for other uses.
Shudder.
posted by Mchelly at 11:40 AM on October 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
Shudder.
posted by Mchelly at 11:40 AM on October 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
DID WE NOT JUST HAVE A THREAD ABOUT DIABETES?
posted by symbioid at 11:53 AM on October 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by symbioid at 11:53 AM on October 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
If it was that thread from the nurse that writes apalling stories about physical deterioration, it literally made me give up sugar.
But for special occasions, like Halloween, and when I can eat teeth.
posted by maxsparber at 11:56 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
But for special occasions, like Halloween, and when I can eat teeth.
posted by maxsparber at 11:56 AM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Haven't you always wanted to eat your own teeth?
Nnnnnnno, I can't say this is a thing I've ever thought....
Yeah so, for what legitimate reasons would a person just buy their own sets of replica teeth on ebay? Because I can think of a whole mess of illegitimate reasons why I'm about to (I'm going to fill up a lamp with them like they're seashells, e.g.), but I can't imagine why a normal person would.
Have told this story before, will tell it again -
So back in the late 90's, I very briefly dated a guy I met online. On our first real-life meeting, though, I noticed that he was wearing a bracelet that, from what I could tell by subtle glancing, appeared to be a set of plastic human teeth. He hadn't mentioned this in any of our emails, and he seemed....okay, so I just kind of went with it for about a half hour before finally giving in and asking "I'm sorry, but i have to know - what's up with the teeth?"
And he told me: he was one of those "work for a couple years and make a big pile of money, then sublet your apartment and backpack around the world until the money runs out, then come back and start over" guys, and a couple years prior he'd been backpacking through India and Pakistan. And he was at some small town at their marketplace, and was initially stunned to see that amid all the other stalls there were a couple of guys doing dentist work, pulling teeth and such, off card tables in the middle of the street. Which was weird enough. But then after watching for a while, he noticed that the dentist guys kept periodically running over to a stall in the way back, buying something and running back.
So he got curious and went over to the stall in the way back to see what THEY had. Turns out the stall in the way back is where all the dentists were getting their fake teeth from; the guy had racks of them, full sets hanging on loops. My date said he asked the guy how much a full set was; it was some profoundly cheap amount, so my date shrugged and bought two sets, just for the hell of it. And that's what his bracelet was, because why not.
I've since lost touch with him, but he was a really cool dude. And that wasn't the other weird random tooth-related thing he got from the trip (I also remember some kind of dental chart from a market in India).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:32 PM on October 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
Nnnnnnno, I can't say this is a thing I've ever thought....
Yeah so, for what legitimate reasons would a person just buy their own sets of replica teeth on ebay? Because I can think of a whole mess of illegitimate reasons why I'm about to (I'm going to fill up a lamp with them like they're seashells, e.g.), but I can't imagine why a normal person would.
Have told this story before, will tell it again -
So back in the late 90's, I very briefly dated a guy I met online. On our first real-life meeting, though, I noticed that he was wearing a bracelet that, from what I could tell by subtle glancing, appeared to be a set of plastic human teeth. He hadn't mentioned this in any of our emails, and he seemed....okay, so I just kind of went with it for about a half hour before finally giving in and asking "I'm sorry, but i have to know - what's up with the teeth?"
And he told me: he was one of those "work for a couple years and make a big pile of money, then sublet your apartment and backpack around the world until the money runs out, then come back and start over" guys, and a couple years prior he'd been backpacking through India and Pakistan. And he was at some small town at their marketplace, and was initially stunned to see that amid all the other stalls there were a couple of guys doing dentist work, pulling teeth and such, off card tables in the middle of the street. Which was weird enough. But then after watching for a while, he noticed that the dentist guys kept periodically running over to a stall in the way back, buying something and running back.
So he got curious and went over to the stall in the way back to see what THEY had. Turns out the stall in the way back is where all the dentists were getting their fake teeth from; the guy had racks of them, full sets hanging on loops. My date said he asked the guy how much a full set was; it was some profoundly cheap amount, so my date shrugged and bought two sets, just for the hell of it. And that's what his bracelet was, because why not.
I've since lost touch with him, but he was a really cool dude. And that wasn't the other weird random tooth-related thing he got from the trip (I also remember some kind of dental chart from a market in India).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:32 PM on October 21, 2015 [4 favorites]
Yeah, I have that dream all the time. That scene in last week's American Horror Story really got to me.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:31 PM on October 21, 2015
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:31 PM on October 21, 2015
Why even worry about dentures from eBay? Order up some dental alginate and literally make candy replicas of your own teeth.
posted by AzraelBrown at 3:01 PM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by AzraelBrown at 3:01 PM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
our first real-life meeting
A bracelet of human teeth is a bold first date move, even if fake. That particular choice of accessory had to involve some last minute agonizing. I mean, on the one hand, its a great segue to stories about traveling through South Asia, which (usually) is a first date success. On the other hand, you could have just assumed he was a serial killer, which is (usually) a first date failure.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:04 PM on October 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
A bracelet of human teeth is a bold first date move, even if fake. That particular choice of accessory had to involve some last minute agonizing. I mean, on the one hand, its a great segue to stories about traveling through South Asia, which (usually) is a first date success. On the other hand, you could have just assumed he was a serial killer, which is (usually) a first date failure.
posted by Panjandrum at 3:04 PM on October 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
I mean, on the one hand, its a great segue to stories about traveling through South Asia, which (usually) is a first date success. On the other hand, you could have just assumed he was a serial killer, which is (usually) a first date failure.
A necklace appearing to be made from human (or elf) ears would leave no such ambiguity.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:11 PM on October 21, 2015
A necklace appearing to be made from human (or elf) ears would leave no such ambiguity.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:11 PM on October 21, 2015
I wanted to turn my wisdom teeth into cuff links like the mobster in the great gatsby but it was not to be
posted by The Whelk at 3:21 PM on October 21, 2015
posted by The Whelk at 3:21 PM on October 21, 2015
A bracelet of human teeth is a bold first date move, even if fake. That particular choice of accessory had to involve some last minute agonizing.
Oh no, see, he wore it all the time.. Like, it was a permanent part of his attire, like underwear was.
Fortunately I kind of dig weird. And it had a great backstory.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:21 PM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh no, see, he wore it all the time.. Like, it was a permanent part of his attire, like underwear was.
Fortunately I kind of dig weird. And it had a great backstory.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:21 PM on October 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
can i just applaud whatever foley artist did the teeth-crunching sound in that futurama bit
also this is pretty horrifying, but it's got nothing on that time i googled hyperdontia. so i guess if you, like, came here for tooth-related body horror and the tooth candy isn't doing it for you, boy have i got a google image search for you.
posted by you're a kitty! at 10:20 PM on October 21, 2015
also this is pretty horrifying, but it's got nothing on that time i googled hyperdontia. so i guess if you, like, came here for tooth-related body horror and the tooth candy isn't doing it for you, boy have i got a google image search for you.
posted by you're a kitty! at 10:20 PM on October 21, 2015
I had no idea there was such a wonderland of DiY dentistry supplies right there on Amazon. Oh man the fun you could have if you're a denture wearer. Grind up some "vaseline glass" and embed it into some sparkly black-light-tetracycline in purple epoxy. Make every tooth a different color. Electro-statically deposit some nickel on there for a "Jaws" look. Hello kitty teeth. Shark teeth, fangs, that dude from the LoTR movie that looked a little like Marilyn Manson... This is going to be great for ensuring my own room all to myself at the old folk's home one day.
teeth-crunching sound
Perhaps OT but for the absolute best in grossing people out at a halloween party (or anywhere really) break up some dry spaghetti and shove it in your mouth when no one's looking, walk up to a group of people and twist your head with your hands like you've got a sore neck while crunching down on it. If you're good you can then shift it around and get two/three more crunches out while twisting head in opposite direction or shrugging your shoulders. Works great with already visually gross costumes like the undead.
posted by mcrandello at 2:11 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
teeth-crunching sound
Perhaps OT but for the absolute best in grossing people out at a halloween party (or anywhere really) break up some dry spaghetti and shove it in your mouth when no one's looking, walk up to a group of people and twist your head with your hands like you've got a sore neck while crunching down on it. If you're good you can then shift it around and get two/three more crunches out while twisting head in opposite direction or shrugging your shoulders. Works great with already visually gross costumes like the undead.
posted by mcrandello at 2:11 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
What the heck is white food coloring? No food coloring?
posted by kinnakeet at 3:00 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by kinnakeet at 3:00 AM on October 22, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think it's a mixture of titanium and lead powder.
posted by mittens at 7:01 AM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mittens at 7:01 AM on October 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
What the heck is white food coloring? No food coloring?
Ha! I can remember being a little tyke and thinking I could color over my mistakes with with white crayon.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:42 AM on October 23, 2015
Ha! I can remember being a little tyke and thinking I could color over my mistakes with with white crayon.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:42 AM on October 23, 2015
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