DANGER MASTER ROBINSON
October 24, 2015 9:58 PM   Subscribe

 
WHY DID I CLICK THAT
posted by trunk muffins at 9:59 PM on October 24, 2015 [18 favorites]


In my opinion, the bigger the better. Less chance they can get into your clothes or climb into your belongings.
posted by tofu_crouton at 10:01 PM on October 24, 2015 [15 favorites]


Oh, it gets into your clothes, but then it wears them around and goes to the movies.
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 10:06 PM on October 24, 2015 [174 favorites]


Gah! trunk muffins hold my hand!
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 10:10 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I am so glad I got over my arachnophobia before clicking that link.
posted by saulgoodman at 10:15 PM on October 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Oh, it gets into your clothes, but then it wears them around and goes to the movies.

The most painful thing is its scathing comments about your fashion sense. Also puncturing your skull if you're a mouse.
posted by XMLicious at 10:16 PM on October 24, 2015 [19 favorites]


NO
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:25 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


I don't mind looking at photographs of something like that, but if I saw one in real life I'd probably run screaming. (Or grab my gun.)
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:29 PM on October 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Great. Now the back of my neck itches.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:31 PM on October 24, 2015


The size of a puppy. Or a pussycat! And covered with the most adorable coat of urticating hairs, which it flings into your eyeballs.
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:31 PM on October 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


"The spider would start rubbing its hind legs against the hairy abdomen. 'Oh, how cute!', I thought when I first saw this adorable behavior, until a cloud of urticating hair hit my eyeballs, and made me itch and cry for several days." The entomologist goes into further detail saying the spider was "capable of puncturing a mouse's skull, and would try to jab me with the pointy implements," and that it produced a large hissing sound.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:33 PM on October 24, 2015 [10 favorites]


"The spider would start rubbing its hind legs against the hairy abdomen. 'Oh, how cute!', I thought when I first saw this adorable behavior, until a cloud of urticating hair hit my eyeballs, and made me itch and cry for several days."

Entomologists are truly a...unique breed of scientist. What is he, a scientist from Night Vale?
posted by yasaman at 10:33 PM on October 24, 2015 [41 favorites]


Well, puppies are cute so...
posted by Artw at 10:43 PM on October 24, 2015


i'm gon pet it
posted by Greg Nog at 10:47 PM on October 24, 2015 [36 favorites]


I love spiders. The bigger the better. I would totally love to see one of these.

I was looking at this and I said to my girlfriend "I really like spiders." She just sighed and said "I know."
posted by teponaztli at 10:50 PM on October 24, 2015 [38 favorites]


Scientist discovers perspective distortion. Gets name in local news. Returns tarantula to pet store.
posted by klanawa at 10:51 PM on October 24, 2015 [14 favorites]


Yeah, that first shot looks downright forced-perspectacious. Can we get one with a banana for reference?
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:52 PM on October 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


I was actually hoping this was a totally new kind of spider, not just some guy's encounter with a Goliath and a forced-perspective photo.
posted by teponaztli at 10:53 PM on October 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


Besides, we've known about building-sized spiders for at least the last 50 years.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:55 PM on October 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Wait, not in Australia?

"pretty much harmless to humans"

Oh, it makes sense, then.
posted by lmfsilva at 10:58 PM on October 24, 2015 [17 favorites]


if I saw one in real life I'd probably run screaming

They used to have one of them in the insect zoo in the NMNH in DC. It was disturbingly large, but the most disturbing thing there in the early 90s was this terrarium full of walking-stick insects all crawling all over each other.

On google, they seem to still have one.

"As large as a puppy" seems more truthy than truthful. Link says they get up to 170g, so at their biggest they're about as big as minutes-old vallhund puppies. Which are a smallish breed.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:59 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


It has hardened toes and makes clicking noises when it walks like tiny little hooves! Little spidey hooves. That is just adorable! Its main diet is earthworms - also adorable though slurpy.

I wish I had urticating hairs. I would use that power with street harassers and in business meetings. Pew pew pew!
posted by barchan at 11:00 PM on October 24, 2015 [42 favorites]


See also the scientist's blog post. Same pics but better info.
posted by zompist at 11:01 PM on October 24, 2015 [15 favorites]


Such a cute puppy. I wanna touch his paw pads.
posted by kafziel at 11:02 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


The size of a puppy. Or a pussycat! And covered with the most adorable coat of urticating hairs, which it flings into your eyeballs.

I suppose it's really only a question of how many labs around the world are trying to develop a synthetic version for sale to state security forces.
posted by jamjam at 11:02 PM on October 24, 2015


I have urticating hairs, but they only affect me, and they only grow on my face and neck when I forget to charge my electric razor.
posted by teponaztli at 11:03 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Yeah, that first shot looks downright forced-perspectacious. Can we get one with a banana for reference?

Actually, people wrap the little spider-puppies with banana leaves before cooking them.

For a more positive banana-spider connection, there's the Brazilian wandering spider, or banana spider, so-called because of how they regularly come over among bunches of bananas.

On the minus side, their bite can can cause priapism and/or death.
On the plus side, with a name like that they're pretty much guaranteed free of urticating hairs.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:07 PM on October 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Who's a good boy
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 11:16 PM on October 24, 2015 [7 favorites]


"WHY DID I CLICK THAT"

To find out where it lives so you can avoid it.
posted by irisclara at 11:17 PM on October 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


no sir i don't like it
posted by poffin boffin at 11:26 PM on October 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


On eating tasty tasty spiders:
“The white muscle ‘meat’ tastes like smoky prawns, while the gooey abdominal contents is hard-boiled in a rolled leaf and tastes gritty and bitter,” West says. “The three-quarter-inch [two-centimeter] fangs are used after the meal as toothpicks to remove T. blondi exocuticle from between one’s teeth.”
I'd probably try one, but the toothpick thing is downright disrespectful.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:40 PM on October 24, 2015 [15 favorites]


My rule of thumb: it's the little ones (like white-tails and redbacks) that you want to watch out for. This looks less worrying than a lot of dogs, for example.
posted by pompomtom at 11:48 PM on October 24, 2015


Scientist discovers best spider
posted by isthmus at 11:56 PM on October 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


Giant spiders as pets seems really not right to me. Animals that clack when they walk, spit hair balls, or crush the skulls of their enemies should probably get all the outdoors they can handle.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:09 AM on October 25, 2015 [8 favorites]


This brought to mind:
He mispronounced quite common words: urticate, salpinx, bordereau.
The Shadow of the Torturer, Gene Wolfe
posted by y2karl at 12:14 AM on October 25, 2015 [13 favorites]


iamkimiam, spiders have super low metabolism, so they are happy to sit perfectly still and not eat for weeks on end. I wish I could say that about my cats.
posted by isthmus at 12:17 AM on October 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


From the scientist's blog post:

“Hey, where is the spider post?”, you may be asking if you arrived at this page by following one of the thousands of links that sprung up overnight in the online media and social circuits. In the fine tradition of online publishing I took the liberty of pulling a “bait-and-click” switcheroo, and turning the hysteria surrounding the Goliath birdeater’s story into a teaching opportunity. And thus, please bear with me, and read this post to the end (where you will find the original post about the spider) before banging out an angry comment in ALL CAPS.
posted by Pendragon at 1:55 AM on October 25, 2015 [16 favorites]


This is looking less like a case of awesome spider (although that's still an awesome spider), and more like a curious case of viral internet. Why did this blog post become so huge? These are really common spiders, and they're not bad photos, but there are thousands and thousands of photos like these out there.

Anyway, I liked what he wrote about specimen collecting. Apparently my university has a really huge specimen collection that's worth seeing, and I've been meaning to check it out.
posted by teponaztli at 2:08 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


*clicks on link*

NOPE. ABANDON THREAD.
posted by Justinian at 2:13 AM on October 25, 2015


Gah! trunk muffins hold my hand!

That's not trunk muffins' hand...

...it's ANOTHER SPIDER AAAHHH AAAHHH
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:21 AM on October 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


What's that you say? Someone needs their fun ruined with facts?

The Puppy Spider Is Not As Big As You Think.
(from Alex Wild, my go-to bug guy in the internet).

Bonus: please do not kill it with fire
posted by deadbilly at 2:28 AM on October 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


That's definitely less scary than the small skittish ones.
I think anything bigger than your hand would be easy to keep an eye on and it's the elusiveness which is a big part of the fear.
posted by fullerine at 2:32 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


"... puppy-" awww "-sized spider" AAAARGHHH!
posted by carter at 3:06 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Years ago a jumping spider landed on me and I didn't know what it was, so I trapped it and released it outside. Then I kept hearing about how charming and playful they are, and I've honestly always regretted that I kicked a potential lil' spider friend out.

More recently, there was a tiny spider (some kind of funnel weaver) that spun a web in the window next to my shower, and I thought I'd let the little guy stay put. He kept molting and getting bigger, and I think he got to be about the size of a quarter. I got really used to seeing him every day (I also figured out he was a he). I had to finally boot him out when we moved away, because I mean, I like spiders, but I also like security deposits. He scurried away and I actually felt sad.

Anyway, I never get the opportunity to tell my spider stories to a new audience. This is why my girlfriend sighs when I tell her I like spiders. She knows. Everyone knows.
posted by teponaztli at 3:06 AM on October 25, 2015 [35 favorites]


I read this off Twitter last night, and then the original blog post, and then got super-irritated by the clickbaity title. The spider was "discovered" only in the sense that a scientist stumbled (multiple times, the most recent over a year ago) onto a pretty large but not record-breaking example of a well-known species, which is only "puppy-sized" in that, yes, there are puppies that size in existence, but saying "puppy-sized spider" is meant to evoke images of a spider the size of your forearm.

The broader conversation about specimen collection was pretty interesting, though.
posted by Peevish at 3:44 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


If they could discover a spider-sized puppy, though, that would be something.

The size comparisons are always a bit odd though. I remember hearing a news report many years ago talking about a new strain of rats "the size of a small dog". Well, a chihuahua is a small dog and it's about the size of a largish rat, so why are people getting so excited.
posted by Grangousier at 3:45 AM on October 25, 2015


Cool, but what brings out the flavor? Grilling? Baking? Boiling?
posted by subliminable at 4:26 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


If they're going to compare it to a puppy, I want a picture of a puppy and that spider together in one shot, and none of that bullshit where the puppy is ten feet behind the spider.
posted by pracowity at 4:57 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


but what if spider eat puppy
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:03 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Scho CUTE puppy spider! Rawr! Hissss!

Mind you, I'd probably poop myself if I stumbled across one, but still.
posted by Mooski at 5:05 AM on October 25, 2015


spider eat puppy with fangs
posted by Wolof at 5:05 AM on October 25, 2015


Now I want to see spider-sized puppies.
posted by chavenet at 5:15 AM on October 25, 2015 [5 favorites]


On eating tasty tasty spiders

I finally understand what "omnivore" means.
posted by mondo dentro at 5:41 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


There is a video on YouTube of a guy wearing a tuxedo who eats an entire tarantula while it's still alive. The cameraman starts shaking uncontrollably.
posted by colie at 5:42 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Brazilian wandering spider, or banana spider, so-called because of how they regularly come over among bunches of bananas.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-o....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:43 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-o....

... Spider come an' me wanna go home.
posted by mondo dentro at 5:54 AM on October 25, 2015 [12 favorites]


Food for Louis (spider eating guy mentioned above)
posted by HuronBob at 6:02 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


So the other day I was wandering around an proper old spooky medieval building doing a bit of tourisiting and walk into this room and there is suddenly this enormous three foot across spider... because, for no reason I could fathom, they had some sparse Halloween decorations up, the first knowledge of which was said spider. How I laughed at the number of people who must have shrieked at it... until I was almost spent the night with Boris because, hey why bother checking you've still got some visitors inside bother locking up?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:11 AM on October 25, 2015


Can you just imagine these things in your home, feet tap tap tapping around, sometimes misjudging a jump from the couch to the bookshelf and falling with a clatter and skittering loudly away?
posted by blnkfrnk at 6:17 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


How big actually is this thing? Like in centimetres.
posted by alby at 6:29 AM on October 25, 2015


I'm getting itchy, sweaty, and twitchy even reading the comments (because nope on clicking through to the picture). I'm currently lying in bed as the early morning sunlight dimly lights my bedroom. Without my glasses on, my field of vision beyond the cell phone on which I'm reading this is terribly blurry. I caught the ceiling fan out of the corner of my out-of-focus eyes and nearly had a heart attack.
posted by _Mona_ at 6:32 AM on October 25, 2015 [4 favorites]



Harvard Entomologist Piotr Naskrecki recently posted on his blog.... "The spider would start rubbing its hind legs against the hairy abdomen. 'Oh, how cute!', I thought when I first saw this adorable behavior, until a cloud of urticating hair hit my eyeballs, and made me itch and cry for several days."


What kind of Harvard entomologist doesn't know about urticating hairs? I've seen them described on PBS documentaries.
posted by cardboard at 6:34 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


i feel like that one time i boiled a bunch of blue crabs (who clung to the tongs when we tried to toss them in and with one, you could see his eyeballs watching the hand of the person with the tongs) and then tore them apart to get to their meat, i a) lost my fear of spiders as large as some kind of puppy because, mm, meat and b) conversely, i no longer want to boil crabs alive to get to their meaty bits

it like it all canceled out so that i am no longer a threat to either crabs or spiders
posted by angrycat at 6:36 AM on October 25, 2015 [8 favorites]


This looks less worrying than a lot of dogs, for example.

The video at the bottom of the article of the spider-weinerdog gets at exactly this question.

I came face to face once with an almost dinner plate-sized spider, which was a lot closer than I had ever wanted to be. It had a small body but very long and vividly striped legs, and had constructed its web at head height on the path.

I do like spiders though, and when I find them in the house I always capture them to release outdoors.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:43 AM on October 25, 2015


I'm not really interesting in being near anything that hisses.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:49 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Awwwww!
posted by SansPoint at 7:17 AM on October 25, 2015


There's a place in Lewes Delaware where you can get a serving of fresh backfin lump crabmeat the size of a baby's head, swimming in butter. I think it's called the Crab Bomb and it costs a bajillion dollars. I like spiders and crabs and their lil' watchful eyes and all, but I want this now. Badly.

I am sorry if that makes me a bad person
posted by kinnakeet at 7:21 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Looked around to see if these things are as big as they appear in this photo, and found this, and this.
posted by eye of newt at 7:35 AM on October 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


On the minus side, their bite can can cause priapism and/or death.

That's a hard way to go out.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:42 AM on October 25, 2015 [15 favorites]


I'm not really interesting in being near anything that hisses.

cats, teapots, snek frands, me
posted by poffin boffin at 7:55 AM on October 25, 2015 [8 favorites]


I was looking at this and I said to my girlfriend "I really like spiders." She just sighed and said "I know."

this is me and my boyfriend's relationship except he's like... super scared of them. I love spiders so much. there's a little one (I have no idea what kind) who lives in the gap between the plastic thing on my shower and where it's kind of bowed out from the wall. I always wonder what he survives on.

and just yesterday I found a lil jumping spider in the tub, I guess he fell in but he was having trouble getting out. I couldn't get him up to the shower curtain where it might be grippier without him jumping all over the place so eventually I had to wrap him up very gingerly in some toilet paper and put him on the counter where he skittered off.

the bf usually calls for my assistance to remove them rather than killing them now.

these kinds of encounters happen a decent amount to me but he usually doesn't have the misfortune. every time I find one and shoo it to scuttle off, especially when I find one in the bedroom, I spend the whole time thinking about how I can never tell him
posted by nogoodverybad at 7:57 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Awwww! Your tiny shower spider is probably living on water; I read that spiders can sometimes go a long time without catching any prey, and many subsist on a water diet out of necessity. This is why bathrooms are such popular hangouts for them. I saw a little spider once drinking out of a dime-sized droplet of water on my bathroom floor. So adorable! I love spiders, but once they get bigger than, say, the average human hand, I would rather love them from behind glass.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:11 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


My opposition to the death penalty does not extend to any creature convicted of the crime of being a spider in my house.
posted by double block and bleed at 8:31 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Giant spiders as pets seems really not right to me. Animals that clack when they walk, spit hair balls, or crush the skulls of their enemies should probably get all the outdoors they can handle.

So you're in favor of outdoor cats, then?
posted by maryr at 8:38 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think I saw a daddy-long-legs drinking from a drop in our shower once; it had to kneel down all the legs like a giraffe, and it was super cute if I was interpreting what was going on correctly.
posted by blnkfrnk at 8:39 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Puppy spider is not a 3 week old Labrador. It’s the weight, at birth, of a Chihuahua. Big, sure, but you’re not going to saddle this thing up and ride it to work.

Way to dash my dreams, mister killjoy scientist guy! I'm going to go find myself a gen-splicing sort of scientist with a can-do attitude, then we'll see who's so sure of what!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:43 AM on October 25, 2015 [7 favorites]


I mostly like spiders. I was driving to work this week and suddenly one appeared on my windshield, inside the car, at eye level. I was not able to pull over so I just had to drive with it staring at me. I was perfectly calm, and when I got to work I left my windows cracked so he could get out. But there are limits - if this thing appeared in my car while I was driving, I probably wouldn't be typing this right now.
posted by desjardins at 8:50 AM on October 25, 2015


It's fascinating watching the range in this thread from AWW to AAAAA with very little in-between.
posted by brecc at 9:04 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


if this thing appeared in my car while I was driving, I probably wouldn't be typing this right now.

What if it had appeared strapped into a safety-certified child seat? That might be better for you and the spider.

Just remember, more legs mean more hugs!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:18 AM on October 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


I'm too scared to clink on any of the links in this thread but I'm guessing it's not this giant spider dog?
posted by fuse theorem at 9:30 AM on October 25, 2015


Metafilter: can cause priapism and/or death.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:37 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


I was driving to work this week and suddenly one appeared on my windshield, inside the car, at eye level.

one time a probably-about-2/3-the-size-of-a-dime spider lowered directly onto my hand on the steering wheel while i was driving

i am so glad my boyfriend wasn't in the car because we would probably be dead
posted by nogoodverybad at 9:49 AM on October 25, 2015


It's fascinating watching the range in this thread from AWW to AAAAA with very little in-between.

I keep wondering how many thermonuclear weapons it would take to eradicate multicellular life throughout the range of this abomination. One wants to be sure.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:50 AM on October 25, 2015


Complete surface sterilization to a depth of one mile using high-pulse ion cannons would be the only way to be sure. Sadly for your intent, the only force with sufficient resources would be the Protoarachnoid Cyberempire Battle Fleet, and they are unlikely to support your crusade.

Actually, it's best not to let them know we exist. Just in case.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:00 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Squeee!
posted by Going To Maine at 10:10 AM on October 25, 2015


Note: do not steal its blue crystal.
posted by Artw at 10:17 AM on October 25, 2015 [6 favorites]


Where is the start-up service already where I can send anyone a puppy-sized spider?
posted by lagomorphius at 10:18 AM on October 25, 2015 [4 favorites]


I had a big, beautiful spider who lived in a pop-up trailer with me last summer. She set up her web in the ceiling vent, and ate up all the flies and wasps that found their way in.

She was great to have around. I named her Valerie. In my mind, all spiders are named Valerie.

So, uh, I guess what I'm saying is: That's a real nice Valerie you found there, Scientist. Kudos.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 10:27 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Mom! I wanna puppy, (sized spider.) What honey?
posted by Oyéah at 10:29 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


...priapism...

8 legs of love...
posted by Segundus at 10:46 AM on October 25, 2015


That 8 legs of love comment could probably use a NSFW tag.
posted by poe at 10:50 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


Called it!
posted by Sys Rq at 11:43 AM on October 25, 2015


I love spiders, but YIKES, that thing is just one long tail away from being able to implant alien embryos in your chest cavity.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:20 PM on October 25, 2015


This summer I lived at the lake. Apparently spiders like moisture? I don't know myself, that was just the reason given by absolutely everybody about why there were so many spiders on my car every morning. The first morning, I came out and could see the dew on the webs that covered my car, so there wasn't an inch square anywhere that didn't have a spider thread crossing it. As I drove to work I saw loonie-sized hairy spiders leave the comfort of the cobwebs they built between the aide mirrors and the car, usually hiding behind the mirror itself. The second morning, I came out to see my daughter had accidentally left the passenger side window down, by mere centimetres; when she open the thread-covered door an enormous cobweb stretched from the top of the door frame into the interior of the car. The web must have been four feet by three feet when stretched by the open door. She choose to ride in the back seat that day. Months later, my son still refuses to sit in the front seat, a spot legally verboten until his recent growth spurt - so a long awaited prize. Other times, I would have spiders descend from the visitor, suddenly bring my attention from the little-travelled lake-side road to the traveller that was swaying near my glasses because of my breath. When I would through my head over my left shoulder, checking the blind spot, often there would be a spider sitting on the seatbelt holder, like a back seat driver critiquing my driving. My children would shriek when spiders suddenly appeared in the car, although their shrieks grew muted over the months, though their terror never did. I became jumpy, everything became a spider to my over-active brain, the threat was ever present and everytime I walked to my car I would see the threads covering it, no matter how many times a week I visited the carwash.

We moved, mostly because of the spiders, to an area that everyone warns me has apocalyptic levels of mosquitoes. But there are no spiders here, and I am even considering getting a tank with a spider to put in the children's section of the library I manage. One spider, I can handle; thousands of them, day after day, I can't.
posted by saucysault at 1:01 PM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


MetaFilter: it was super cute if I was interpreting what was going on correctly
posted by glhaynes at 1:21 PM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Pretty stoked that we are getting a bugarium here. It opens Friday, and apparently has a goliath!
posted by annsunny at 1:24 PM on October 25, 2015


Yep, nope.
posted by wallabear at 1:42 PM on October 25, 2015


I'm not really interesting in being near anything that hisses.

I wonder whether the hissing (which is made by its legs stroking its abdomen, apparently) is an adaptation to scare mammals who think "hisses! must be dangerus like SNEK!1!!"
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:51 PM on October 25, 2015


I keep wondering how many thermonuclear weapons it would take to eradicate multicellular life throughout the range of this abomination. One wants to be sure.

Yes but ROU_Xenophobe, that's your reaction to EVERYTHING. Including Terry Gross interviews.
posted by happyroach at 1:52 PM on October 25, 2015




I can't find it, but I once read a Tripadvisor hotel review of a hotel that was built over a lake. The review was 'Pros: great location, lovely staff, fantastic price. Cons: the spiders.'
posted by colie at 3:41 PM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


But there are limits - if this thing appeared in my car while I was driving, I probably wouldn't be typing this right now.

Yeah, when that "Passenger Airbag Off" light suddenly disappears implying that the passenger airbag is now on, hoo boy.
posted by mudpuppie at 5:16 PM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]


Noooooooo! No nono no noooooooo! no! Imma go cry now.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 6:30 PM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]


Just behind our living room couch is a little web with a tiny black spider on it. We're good. You go, little spider.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:17 PM on October 25, 2015


I keep getting bitten by what I think are wolf spiders. I never feel the bites when they happen, but the blossoming giant red halo around the bite is pretty unique. A conversation starter. Everybody likes to look at weird bug bites.

In short I like spiders and they can stay in my house even if they bite me, but if they are really poisonous I'm not going to survive probably.
posted by Bistle at 10:11 PM on October 25, 2015


blossoming giant red halo

Sounds more like a tick bite.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:22 PM on October 25, 2015


Has it migrated in from a Bajoran moon?

This is only a couple of clicks away from the page on fire extinguishers, which is really a thing of beauty.
posted by Dr Dracator at 1:45 AM on October 26, 2015


In the old place I lived I'd always see one or two Giant House Spiders (that's the official name and they are big - up to palm/hand size leg tip to leg tip). I always thought it was because of the weather that you saw more of them in the Autumn but I learned from George McGavin on The One Show that it's actually breeding season and they are out looking for a mate.

I've seen none so far in the new place and I kinda miss them (yes I know that's probably a minority view)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:39 AM on October 26, 2015 [1 favorite]


It is not a minority view as far as I am concerned.
posted by teponaztli at 3:37 PM on October 26, 2015


I clicked because I read "puppy-FACED" spider by accident.

I'm not sure why I expected the image resulting from that headline to be any less disturbing.
posted by ilana at 3:42 PM on October 26, 2015 [2 favorites]


Just what I always wanted. My own puppy-sized spider. I will name him Aragog, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him...
posted by lizbunny at 8:05 AM on October 27, 2015 [2 favorites]


What I would like for this thread and others similar in the future is that everyone who casually mentions that their location commonly has hand-sized spiders should also say WHERE THIS LOCATION IS so I don't accidentally move there and subsequently get devoured by enormous skittering terrors.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:25 AM on October 27, 2015


"(Or grab my gun.)"

True fact: I am completely uncomfortable with any bugs that are legit big enough that shooting them seems like a viable pest control option.
posted by uberchet at 9:29 AM on October 27, 2015


You're gonna need a bigger shoe...
posted by SLC Mom at 6:12 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


My own puppy-sized spider. I will name him Aragog, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him...

May I suggest "Shelob" for a female?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:18 PM on October 29, 2015


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