“Let’s be frank, the House is broken,”
October 29, 2015 8:53 AM   Subscribe

Paul Ryan Is Elected House Speaker [The New York Times]
Representative Paul D. Ryan [wiki] of Wisconsin was elected the 62nd speaker of the House on Thursday, taking the gavel that he never sought to wield from John A. Boehner, who relinquished it under fire. [...] Mr. Ryan received 236 votes, a comfortable margin that included several of the hardline conservatives who had worked to oust Mr. Boehner. In his address to Congress after the vote, he implored members who have been fighting so bitterly to find a way to work together. “Let’s be frank, the House is broken,” Mr. Ryan said. “We are not settling scores,” he added, “we are wiping the slate clean.”
posted by Fizz (127 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite
 
Welp, this should go well.
posted by Kitteh at 8:54 AM on October 29, 2015 [16 favorites]


...because you and the Tea Party broke it?
posted by reiichiroh at 8:56 AM on October 29, 2015 [73 favorites]


Did they agree not to criticize him or say mean things about him on the playground? I remember reading that was one of his conditions.
posted by Carillon at 8:59 AM on October 29, 2015 [14 favorites]


Good luck being an asshole in asshole club.
posted by Artw at 8:59 AM on October 29, 2015 [16 favorites]


He has an unvarnished record of legislative success! He's sponsored 70 bills or amendements!

And two passed! One of which renamed a post office!
posted by maxsparber at 9:00 AM on October 29, 2015 [68 favorites]


Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...
posted by RakDaddy at 9:00 AM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees the market. And oil companies.

BUY THNEEDS!
posted by GuyZero at 9:00 AM on October 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


"The politics of failure have failed; we need to make them work again."
posted by Floydd at 9:01 AM on October 29, 2015 [55 favorites]


I see that the House met his condition of allowing him ample time to spend with his family.

So now he is able to serve as Speaker, and continue to fight against Family Leave.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:01 AM on October 29, 2015 [95 favorites]


Welcome, my friends, to the Ryan administration.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:02 AM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


“We are not settling scores,” he added, “we are wiping the slate clean, with fire, the Biblical cleanser."
posted by Capt. Renault at 9:02 AM on October 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


I feel like this is some kind of karmic payback for the days of joyful crowing that ensued when it was announced that *other* weasel-faced, mendacious, poor-people-hating Wisconsin Republican would finally, blessedly drop out of the 24-hour news cycle. Ugh.

Sorry in advance, everyone. I swear the residents of our state aren't as backwards and cold-hearted as the existence of this craven Randian nutjob would have you believe.
posted by divined by radio at 9:03 AM on October 29, 2015 [19 favorites]


I wish Mr. Ryan the same level of respect, courtesy, and cooperation he has shown to others.
posted by mochapickle at 9:04 AM on October 29, 2015 [163 favorites]


taking the gavel that he never sought to wield

Well, that's a very convenient narrative, isn't it?

What's the over/under that he uses the exact same tactic to swoop into the presidential primary in a month or two?
posted by schmod at 9:05 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


What's the over/under that he uses the exact same tactic to swoop into the presidential primary in a month or two?

We can hope. He'll get annihilated in the general.
posted by Etrigan at 9:06 AM on October 29, 2015


I think one of his specific conditions was that Mark Meadows would stop asking him "when leg day was."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:07 AM on October 29, 2015 [26 favorites]


Did he run the Marine Corps Marathon last weekend? Anyone know if he set a world record?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:08 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Fresh Meat for the End Times BBQ

Beefcake model Paul Ryan has been elected to the least powerful position in the US Congress, the Speaker of the House, a job that no one else even pretends to want any more. I wish him well. I have never met the man, but I have campaigned, hard, against him, because he stands for nothing beyond greed and rage. He is Patrick Bateman in a cheaper suit and with fewer scruples and less empathy, but somehow here I almost feel sorry for him.

His Speaker gig will last less than a year, and he'll retire from politics to sell Christian Protein Shakes for a Multilevel Marketing Ponzi Scheme. Both "Freedom Caucus" Conservatives and traditional, pork-barrel Republicans will sheild the eyes and cover the ears of their children when he appears on TV, and the children will thank them for protecting them from the "ghost man."

Look what those people did to Boenher, who cries himself to sleep every night and will continue to do so for years after he slouches away from the Capitol. John Boenher started off a tough bastard, but the Southern Strategy and Tea Party chickens finally began coming home to roost during his reign. By the end, he's become a wilted shadow of his former self, one of the strongest negotiators in Congress reduced to voting scores of times against Obamacare, a program that is wildly popular with the American people.

Paul Ryan is no tough bastard, and he has no idea what he is getting himself into. He thinks the Congressional Republican Caucus is looking for a leader, and they are not, because they hate leaders and the very concept of leadership. What they are looking for is a sacrificial goat, and Paul Ryan has flopped belly-up onto the altar, bleating about how he wants to spend weekends with the wife and kiddies. Sure thing, Paulie. Just close your eyes and think happy thoughts, and it will all be over soon.
posted by Cookiebastard at 9:08 AM on October 29, 2015 [114 favorites]


What's the over/under that he uses the exact same tactic to swoop into the presidential primary in a month or two?

The tea partiers hate him and think he's a RINO. He'd have less chance of winning the nomination than Kasich does.
posted by longdaysjourney at 9:09 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't care what's been promised the speaker of the house is not a job any sane person would want. Over the next year or so we'll get to see Paul Ryan's career die and it will be because Mr. Ryan couldn't choose common sense over ambition.
posted by rdr at 9:10 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


So long Oompa Loompa, hello Eddie Munster.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:10 AM on October 29, 2015 [15 favorites]


One hopes that the Democrats can use the Republican Caucus electing the author of the "Let Grandma eat cat food" budget plan as yet another indication of the GOP's feelings towards spending on social services.
posted by Bromius at 9:11 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't think we need to go there.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:11 AM on October 29, 2015


According to Wikipedia, Colin Powell has received a single vote for Speaker in the last three elections, apparently from Jim Cooper (D-Tennessee), who himself has received a single vote in the last four elections.
posted by Etrigan at 9:12 AM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Etrigan: "We can hope. He'll get annihilated in the general."

Really? Compared to the other contenders I can see how Ryan comes across as intelligent and reasonably moderate (while still appealing to his base).

I'm not sure that either of those things are true, but he's certainly more charismatic than anybody else in the running. I can see how he would be appealing to self-described "moderates."
posted by schmod at 9:13 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I feel like this is some kind of karmic payback for the days of joyful crowing that ensued when it was announced that *other* weasel-faced, mendacious, poor-people-hating Wisconsin Republican would finally, blessedly drop out of the 24-hour news cycle. Ugh.

If it's any consolation, Speaker of the House is like the Congressional equivalent of mayor of NYC: good at getting your name in the press, likely to piss off everyone, and a political career dead-end. The timing of the end of the recent budget deal may well be the expiration date on his term as Speaker, if not his Congressional career. As a bonus, he's going to be miserable as hell for the entire time, so you get to eat a lot of schadenfreude pie.
posted by zombieflanders at 9:13 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


Well, with the Bohner budget deal set to pass, Ryan will be little more than a figurehead for the next 18months. The government is funded, the debt ceiling is raised, all the crisis points are more or less settled through the election, and it's not like gridlock was going to subside and a ton of new legislation was going to get passed between now and next November either way. Ryan won't have much to do at all until we know who is the next President.

At that point if it's Hilary, Ryan will be just the same as anyone else who could fill the seat, and will presumably just replay the obstructionism deployed against Obama (same as any other Republican Speaker would do). And if it's Rubio, well, the end times are here and who better to end the welfare state than the Zombie Eyed Granny Starver who grew up on Social Security Survivor benefits?
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:16 AM on October 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


In this special issue of TEEN FRANKENSTEIN. He gets elected speaker of the house! But it's only a What If? Story.
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


One hopes that the Democrats can use the Republican Caucus electing the author of the "Let Grandma eat cat food" budget plan as yet another indication of the GOP's feelings towards spending on social services.

If people gave a shit it would have happened during one of the many logs that should have broken the camel's back.

The American people have stood up and said in one voice, "fuck them".
posted by Talez at 9:22 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


Third in line to the Presidency to a guy who didn't want the job is closer than Mrs. Clinton - a most desperate job seeker - will ever come. Politics is strange.
posted by three blind mice at 9:22 AM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Paul Ryan is the bro-iest bro to have ever bro'd in politics. It's unbro-lievable.
posted by Kitteh at 9:25 AM on October 29, 2015 [17 favorites]


Hillary Clinton will most likely wake up as President on January 21, 2016.
posted by Automocar at 9:26 AM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


We can hope. He'll get annihilated in the general.

Really? Compared to the other contenders I can see how Ryan comes across as intelligent and reasonably moderate (while still appealing to his base).


He couldn't drag his home state red in 2012 (Obama lost about 50K votes from 2008 and still won Wisconsin by 210K). The base doesn't want moderate, even moderate-appearing. They don't even want anyone who's been in office ever. If Ryan barnstorms into the nomination, the Tea Partiers will stay at home like you've never seen before.

Plus, the weight of history is heavily against him. Two failed VP candidates have ever become President: FDR and John Tyler.
posted by Etrigan at 9:27 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Now, now. Speaker Ryan will undoubtably succeed in repealing Obamacare root and branch, passing abortion bans, defunding Planned Parenthood and overseeing its executives' arrests, slashing all taxes, slashing all entitlements, defending Israel from Palestinian terrorism and Iranian cyclotrons, covering the northern and southern borders with three-mile-wide walls of tires, and convincing both the Senate and the President to stand by and approve of all of the above.

I mean, that's all they're asking of him. Nothing outlandish.
posted by delfin at 9:30 AM on October 29, 2015 [15 favorites]


If it's any consolation, Speaker of the House is like the Congressional equivalent of mayor of NYC: good at getting your name in the press, likely to piss off everyone, and a political career dead-end. The timing of the end of the recent budget deal may well be the expiration date on his term as Speaker, if not his Congressional career. As a bonus, he's going to be miserable as hell for the entire time, so you get to eat a lot of schadenfreude pie.

I thought for sure he'd decline because of this. He seemed to be setting himself up for a Presidential run in a cycle or two. But who knows? Serving as Speaker first worked for James K. Polk.
posted by notyou at 9:31 AM on October 29, 2015


Well, with the Bohner budget deal set to pass, Ryan will be little more than a figurehead for the next 18months.

Methinks you underestimate the denizens of the House.

For one, they are looking into impeach the head of the IRS. And, they are convening a Benghazi-style witch hunt into Planned Parenthood. Either one of those nasty messes will give Ryan ample opportunities to piss-off the TPers and have them come for his head, too. They were already talking about voting to vacate the seat until Ryan met with the Freedom Caucus and calmed them down a little. He still doesn't have the approval of all of those nutbags.

I think Ryan is going to have his work cut-out for him.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:33 AM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I can only hope that his party cannibalizes him. But that does seem to be what they have developed a taste for.
posted by maxsparber at 9:35 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm more than willing to let the Republicans enlarge the hole of "You just can't win" by throwing more legislative tantrums (Bengazi committee, Repeal Obamacare, Defund Planned Parenthood, Wiggle around military spending caps, disaprove of agreements). When I go to the polls I'll ask myself one question "Did my congress critters do the business of the government in passing legislation that helps improve my state?". I'm planning on voting out every incumbent in favor of the new person to hopefully reverse the Tea-Sanity of the last few elections.
posted by Hasteur at 9:36 AM on October 29, 2015


Speaker of the House is . . . a political career dead-end. . . .

I thought for sure he'd decline because of this. He seemed to be setting himself up for a Presidential run in a cycle or two. But who knows?

Serving as Speaker first worked for James K. Polk.


It also last worked for James K. Polk.

In 1844.
posted by Herodios at 9:39 AM on October 29, 2015 [23 favorites]


If Ryan barnstorms into the nomination, the Tea Partiers will stay at home like you've never seen before.

Looking at my family members who lean heavily red and slightly out of their minds about this issue, with all due respect, I don't think that's true. I think they've got incredibly weird ideas about who would actually make a good president and how electable that person might prove to be, but they are older people and the sorts who, to their credit, will absolutely show up at their polling place even when there's nothing but a couple local races nobody cares about on the ballot. This is one area where conservatives are going to have an advantage for quite a long time yet--their base is older and much less likely to stay home even if they're not super enthusiastic. Also much less likely to live in urban areas with big lines and such where voting is a serious inconvenience in presidential election years.
posted by Sequence at 9:39 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Paul Ryan is the bro-iest bro to have ever bro'd in politics. It's unbro-lievable.

May I direct you to our newly elected Prime Minister.
posted by saturday_morning at 9:40 AM on October 29, 2015 [10 favorites]


My son tells me that no Speaker has ever gone on to become President.
posted by COD at 9:43 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Paul Ryan was just elected speaker of the House — easily - "Despite Thursday's show of unity, there are reasons to doubt that Ryan will be able to keep House Republicans together in the long term, as Matt Yglesias laid out this week. Luckily for Ryan, though, Boehner did him a big favor on the way out — striking a deal with the Senate and White House to raise the debt ceiling and fund the government through March 2017."

The Two Worlds of Paul Ryan - "For all the talk about the tension between Ryan and the forty or so members of the Freedom Caucus, who hold the key to his accession to the Speaker's post, the real difference is that, despite having been re-elected eight times, Ryan doesn't come from a particularly secure district. (Some of the hard-liners who swept into office in 2010 aren't all that safe, either.) In fact there are two Paul Ryans. One has worked in Washington virtually without interruption since before graduating from college in 1992. The other goes home to his wife and school-age children in Janesville, Wisconsin, on weekends."

What's the over/under that he uses the exact same tactic to swoop into the presidential primary in a month or two?

End of Days for Republican establishment - "Recent polls show Mr Carson taking first place among Republicans nationwide and consolidating a growing lead in Iowa... The two outsiders continue to take roughly half of the Republican field between them, leaving the other 14 candidates to fight over the scraps."

IEM 2016 US Presidential Election Winner Takes All Market
posted by kliuless at 9:45 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm psyched by this news! "Paul Ryan" is very easy to spell and pronounce and the students in my Citizenship Test class will have an easy time memorizing it. Then, most of them will go on to vote Democrat.
posted by chaiminda at 9:49 AM on October 29, 2015 [67 favorites]


If Ryan barnstorms into the nomination, the Tea Partiers will stay at home like you've never seen before.

...they are older people and the sorts who, to their credit, will absolutely show up at their polling place even when there's nothing but a couple local races nobody cares about on the ballot.


Right, but those people are always going to vote, and vote for the Republican. The Tea Partiers who will stay at home are the ones who didn't bother voting for Romney and Ryan last time.
posted by Etrigan at 9:53 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Welcome, my friends, to the Ryan administration.

sit DOWN, paul, you douchey mother$%#&*@!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:53 AM on October 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


I think Ryan is going to have his work cut-out for him.

Well sure, in terms of staying in the Conservative good graces, which appears to be impossible for any rational actor even nominally trying to govern the country as opposed to further their right wing consulting career. But the country at large shouldn't give two shits about how Ryan stands with the NoTrueFreedomBaggers or whatever they calling themselves this week, except to the extent his bowing to them endangers the social programs that we've come to rely on and take for granted. To that effect, his ability to actively harm the rest of us outside the Koch News closed loop will be limited, at least unless and until there's a Republican in the White House, or the current budget truce ends and Ryan is forced to choose between the right wing demands to burn down the government in his first real negotiations with Hilary, just like Bohner with Obama.
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:54 AM on October 29, 2015


Paul Ryan Mad About Budget Bill His Staff Helped Write
WASHINGTON -- Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said Tuesday morning that he hadn't seen the new bipartisan budget deal and that the secretive process used to craft it "stinks," but there's stuff in the bill that should smell good and familiar to him.

One of its most important provisions makes changes to the Social Security Disability Insurance program, and some of those changes came from the House Ways and Means Committee, which oversees Social Security and which Ryan chairs.
Here are four (and a half) takeaways from the new budget deal

Can Paul Ryan Disarm The Freedom Caucus? Or will the Republican Rebellion put him boots-up in the OK Corral like Eric Cantor and Kevin McCarthy?

Paul Krugman: Paul Ryan is a con man.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:01 AM on October 29, 2015 [12 favorites]


"... 'reduced to voting scores of times against Obamacare, a program that is wildly popular with the American people.'" (citation needed).

Apparently, this is "wildly popular".

Whenever I hear this sort of thing I think - typical partisan shill. No offense, but the left loves to rant about how "the public loves our policies! they just don't know it!" Perhaps they love certain specifics, but clearly, Obamacare qua Obamacare is not particularly enthused about by the masses.

On to shitmug Ryan. I can't stand the guy. I don't even know what I feel about this, though, really. Any candidate that has a chance of winning the nod from the Repubs these days is going to be a jackhole, so I guess I expect neither worse nor better. It just is what it is.

As for the people of my state continuing to fuck up the nation. The one hope we have is that Feingold is polling over Johnson right now, so maybe we can start to make up for it, right, America? At least in some small way.
posted by symbioid at 10:02 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


"Let's be frank, Mom. The cookie jar is broken."
posted by stevis23 at 10:07 AM on October 29, 2015 [23 favorites]


It's one thing to lie down with dogs, but yet another to have to scratch one's own fleas.
posted by mule98J at 10:13 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


notyou: "He seemed to be setting himself up for a Presidential run in a cycle or two. "

He cannot possibly be. He's got to know taking this job has tanked his political future. He's hoping that taking one for the team gets him a big-bucks job in private industry, or that someone appoints him to a judgeship, or ambassador to the Court of St. James, or some shit like that, in a few years.

Either that or the mainstream big-money GOP actually has some sort of plan to annihilate the Tea Party wing of the party and bring them back into line.

I am also hopeful that being in a leadership position and attacked from the right and the left will show just how empty Ryan's suit is, but for some reason the media acted like he had serious budget plans while he was running for vice president, so maybe not.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:15 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


Paul Ryan is the bro-iest bro to have ever bro'd in politics. It's unbro-lievable.

What about Senator Aqua Buddha?
posted by TedW at 10:16 AM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


symbioid:
"Apparently, this is "wildly popular"."
Yes, if you ask people about "Obamacare" that's what you get.

But if you ask them about the things the law actually does for them you get 60-75% approval ratings.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:25 AM on October 29, 2015 [58 favorites]


I'm psyched by this news! "Paul Ryan" is very easy to spell and pronounce and the students in my Citizenship Test class will have an easy time memorizing it. Then, most of them will go on to vote Democrat.

Paul Ryan is just his personal name, like Karol Wojtyla or Betty Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. He hasn't formally chosen his regnal name yet but the expectation is that he will be Speaker Mxyzptlk von Skaneatles I.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:25 AM on October 29, 2015 [24 favorites]


When it comes to trying to lead a broken House made up of a majority of craven assholes, I can think of no one more deserving of this position than Paul Ryan.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:28 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Paul Ryan, fuck that guy.
posted by rocketman at 10:30 AM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


He's got to know taking this job has tanked his political future. He's hoping that taking one for the team gets him a big-bucks job in private industry, or . . .

Either that or the mainstream big-money GOP actually has some sort of plan to annihilate the Tea Party wing of the party . . .


Mein President! I haf a plan!

Och! I can walk!
 
posted by Herodios at 10:31 AM on October 29, 2015


You know, a month ago it would not have occurred to me to wish for the angry ghost of Alexander Hamilton to rise from the grave and challenge the entire legislative branch to a rap battle. But here we are, and I super, super wish for that.
posted by nonasuch at 10:32 AM on October 29, 2015 [33 favorites]


Hillary Clinton will most likely wake up as President on January 21, 2016.

I suspect you mean 2017. Unless there will be some sort of Freaky Friday body-swap? Because the election isn't until November 2016.
posted by fings at 10:33 AM on October 29, 2015 [18 favorites]


the election isn't until November 2016.

well fuck...
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 10:36 AM on October 29, 2015 [6 favorites]


Christ, what an asshole.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:36 AM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Unless there will be some sort of Freaky Friday body-swap

shut up and take my money
posted by murphy slaw at 10:37 AM on October 29, 2015 [23 favorites]


is just his personal name, like Karol Wojtyla or Betty Saxe-Coburg-Gotha

Ok, I got Pope John Paul II, but I don't recognize the other name unless you're implying Queen Elizabeth II.
posted by Hasteur at 10:40 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


You broke it, you pay for it.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:46 AM on October 29, 2015




is just his personal name, like Karol Wojtyla or Betty Saxe-Coburg-Gotha

Ok, I got Pope John Paul II, but I don't recognize the other name unless you're implying Queen Elizabeth II.


To abet the derail: when the descendants of Elizabeth (whose family name was changed to Windsor nine years before she was born) need a surname, it is Mountbatten-Windsor; however, when William and Harry served in the military, their "surname" in official records was Wales.
posted by Etrigan at 10:53 AM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Speaker Mxyzptlk von Skaneatles*

*Citizens should be aware that standard indirect referral protocols apply with the names of those from Carcosa. Speak only under responsible theological or metaphysical guidance. Improper use can result in delusions, raving visions, speaking in tongues, spontaneous combustion.
posted by bonehead at 10:55 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


<michaelCaine>Some men just want to watch the world burn...</michaelCaine>
posted by blue_beetle at 11:00 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


You know, a month ago it would not have occurred to me to wish for the angry ghost of Alexander Hamilton to rise from the grave and challenge the entire legislative branch to a rap battle. But here we are, and I super, super wish for that.

I picture actual specter Hamilton being like, uhhhh, happy to defend federalism, but can someone teach me what this 'rap' thing is? and Lin-Manuel all, I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:01 AM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


Citizens should be aware that standard indirect referral protocols apply with the names of those from Carcosa

Denny HASTURt my god why didn't i see it before
posted by murphy slaw at 11:02 AM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


I picture actual specter Hamilton being like, uhhhh, happy to defend federalism, but can someone teach me what this 'rap' thing is?

Honestly I figure that either Ghost Hamilton would have kept up with popular culture-- dude loved to read-- or he's a quick enough study that it wouldn't take him long to master the form.
posted by nonasuch at 11:07 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Ryan really didn't want this as far as I could tell. Understandably since it pretty much ends his political career and I'm sure he still had presidential aspirations. I have to guess the GOP leaders told him to accept the gig or lose all future support. It was "Accept or You're Toast".
posted by downtohisturtles at 11:11 AM on October 29, 2015


I AM DROWNING IN POPCORN.
posted by srboisvert at 11:17 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


I suspect you mean 2017. Unless there will be some sort of Freaky Friday body-swap? Because the election isn't until November 2016.

Whoops! Yes, that is what I meant. I shouldn't post while on conference calls.
posted by Automocar at 11:18 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't recognize the other name unless you're implying Queen Elizabeth II.

That was indeed my implimication. I understand that they changed their name to "Windsor" and that her legal name is not actually "Betty" or "Lizzie-Poo."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:20 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


You know, a month ago it would not have occurred to me to wish for the angry ghost of Alexander Hamilton to rise from the grave and challenge the entire legislative branch to a rap battle. But here we are, and I super, super wish for that.

Funny you should mention that. A-Ham has gone missing. ( He is getting some shine on for said duel - hopefully he will steer clear of guns though - that didn't go so well last time).
posted by srboisvert at 11:23 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Good luck being an asshole in asshole club.

well the other bullies did just elect him biggest asshole...
posted by Calloused_Foot at 11:23 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I swear the residents of our state aren't as backwards and cold-hearted as the existence of this craven Randian nutjob would have you believe.

Please prove it at the polls!
posted by stargell at 11:29 AM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


You know, a month ago it would not have occurred to me to wish for the angry ghost of Alexander Hamilton to rise from the grave and challenge the entire legislative branch to a rap battle.

File photo
posted by Mayor West at 11:30 AM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Welcome, my friends, to the Ryan administration.

With sincere apologies to Lin-Manuel:

[PELOSI]
How does Ryan the Wisconsin
Bro-ean brown-noser
Biggest budget geek'er
Work his way to be speaker
Destroy the safety net?
Welcome, folks, to

[US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES]
The Ryan Administration!

[BOEHNER]
Ryan doesn't want the job, which makes him the only choice

[REPUBLICAN CAUCUS]
We finally have a speaker, now let us rejoice

[PELOSI]
The right wing disses Ryan
Publicly calls him a liberal in their taunts

[DEMOCRATIC CAUCUS]
Say what?!

[PELOSI]
Ryan makes demands in response

[RYAN]
Get behind me, you fat mother—[BLEEP]s

[PELOSI]
Congress is out of control

[OBAMA]
This is great! He's in office, but he has no power. And he just took a job no one else in his entire party wanted.

[PELOSI]
Ryan still leads an unholy alliance. As long as he's in that chair, he's a threat. But with any luck
He’s never gon’ be President now

[OBAMA]
Never gon’ be President now
posted by zachlipton at 11:31 AM on October 29, 2015 [22 favorites]


> Welp, this should go well.

Not sure if you mean Ryan's terms as Speaker, or this comments thread.
posted by Sunburnt at 11:34 AM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


stands, applauds

Bravo, zachlipton!
posted by nonasuch at 11:35 AM on October 29, 2015


I just need to vent. They had CNN on at my doctor's office this a.m. during his speech/swearing in. And I'm thinking, "I gotta listen to this right before I get my BP checked?" I only dealt with it by thinking probably every snark in this thread.
posted by NorthernLite at 11:40 AM on October 29, 2015


May I direct you to our newly elected Prime Minister.

The he(b)ro we need.
posted by Poldo at 11:54 AM on October 29, 2015


Wait, you guys don't know that comment was referring to the Hamilton hip hop musical?

Because I assumed that's what it was about.

But the angry ghost of Hamilton would be an improvement in Congress, rapping or no.
posted by emjaybee at 11:55 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh wait, you did know, missed the references to Lin-Manuel. Ugh, so sleep deprived.
posted by emjaybee at 11:56 AM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Speaker of the House is like the Congressional equivalent of mayor of NYC: good at getting your name in the press, likely to piss off everyone, and a political career dead-end.
zombieflanders

I was thinking Mayor of NYC can't be that bad, but:
Although being Mayor of New York City has been described as the "second toughest job in America" after the Presidency, and although several mayors – most recently John Lindsay and Rudolph Giuliani – have sought the Presidency, no one person has yet held both positions. Indeed no sitting or former mayor has been elected to another public office since Ardolph Loges Kline (acting mayor in late 1913) was re-elected Alderman in 1913 and later elected in 1920 to his only term in Congress.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:15 PM on October 29, 2015


Sangermaine: "I was thinking Mayor of NYC can't be that bad, but: "

There was a whole sub-plot on "Spin City" about how every time someone suggested the mayor run for higher public office, he'd freeze up with fear and be unable to speak, and then his staff would reassure him by reminding him how mayors of New York City fail at all attempts to continue in public office after being mayor and he'd be like "Oh, phew, cool."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:34 PM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]


.
posted by drezdn at 1:11 PM on October 29, 2015


That's why I've never been mayor of NY.
posted by mazola at 1:20 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


Indeed no sitting or former mayor has been elected to another public office since Ardolph Loges Kline (acting mayor in late 1913) was re-elected Alderman in 1913 and later elected in 1920 to his only term in Congress.

I strongly feel that Obama should run for Senate or Illinois governor or something. We have to get back to the days where Presidents stayed in politics after the White House. JQ Adams served nine terms in the House!
posted by Chrysostom at 1:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Oh no, Obama should be saved for the ultimate troll should the Democrats regain the Senate: Hillary appoints him to the Supreme Court. There's precedent with Taft.

Heads would literally explode.
posted by Sangermaine at 1:39 PM on October 29, 2015 [71 favorites]


What about Supreme Court nominee, Chrysostom?
posted by wintermind at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2015


...and Sangermaine beat me to it by about a second. D'oh!
posted by wintermind at 1:40 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yeah, that's the ideal situation! Although it would be a lot funnier if he ran for town council in East Peoria or something.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Paul Ryan is the bro-iest bro to have ever bro'd in politics. It's unbro-lievable.

Forget Justin Trudeau. Forget Rand Paul. Clearly you have not met one of Wisconsin's OTHER congressmen, Sean Duffy.
posted by St. Hubbins at 1:43 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Although it would be a lot funnier if he ran for town council in East Peoria or something.

January 21, 2017: Making his final exit of the White House, Obama tells Michelle he needs some time to "clear his head". He dons a leather jacket with a giant Presidential seal on the back, mounts a bad-ass giant Harley, and spends the next 15 years riding around America.

Whenever he comes to a town with any office up for election he runs, and if he wins he serves his term before riding on to the next town, guided only by the road and the wind...
posted by Sangermaine at 1:54 PM on October 29, 2015 [47 favorites]


That belongs in the NaNoWriMo thread on MetaTalk.
posted by wintermind at 2:03 PM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


spends the next 15 years riding around America

...shotgun in a bitchin' white Trans-Am? or is it a red Corvette?
posted by bonehead at 2:39 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Post-Presidency Obama is after bigger game. Nothing short of the World Wrestling Entertainment Heavyweight Championship will satisfy him.

...MAYBE the Intercontinental Title but he will be looking higher.
posted by delfin at 2:48 PM on October 29, 2015


Politics aside, the fact that the Speaker of the House is ONLY THREE YEARS OLDER THAN I AM makes me feel very old.
posted by SisterHavana at 2:48 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Chrysostom: "Although it would be a lot funnier if he ran for town council in East Peoria or something."

Everyone knows the Peoria school board is where all the cool kids go.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:52 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have no idea how this thread how gotten this far without the phrase zombie-eyed granny-starver.
posted by hydropsyche at 3:01 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]


Crap. "zombie-eyed granny-starver" even scans better in the original Hamilton lyric's theme.
posted by zachlipton at 3:08 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


I have no idea how this thread how gotten this far without the phrase zombie-eyed granny-starver.

*ahem*
posted by delicious-luncheon at 3:20 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


oh shit, I totally missed that. Well, I think it's important to link to Charlie Pierce and give him credit for the single best political nickname of all time.
posted by hydropsyche at 3:29 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


So speaking of republicans, did everyone miss the debate last night? I admit I forgot, and have had no luck finding a thread about it. Are we already tired of that clown car circus?
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 4:43 PM on October 29, 2015


It rolled under the Democratic debate thread.

I think people are getting debate fatigue.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:59 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Not yet!

Jeb! (or as LGM has it -- Jeb¯\_(ツ)_/¯)* is soon to take his clown car off the circuit after last night, leaving the field to Rubio and Cruz, the actual clowns Carson and Trump, Fiorina, and those other two or three guys nobody remembers.

---------------------------
*Heh. It's even in the URL.
posted by notyou at 5:00 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Politics aside, the fact that the Speaker of the House is ONLY THREE YEARS OLDER THAN I AM makes me feel very old.

President Obama would've been a junior in high school when I was a freshman. That was odd since every president before him was an old white dude and the ones I remember were all around my grandfather's age (except Clinton, who was younger than my dad).

Nixon was 61 when he resigned (which is when I remember him)
Ford was 61 when he took office; I was 10
Carter was 52; I was 12; my dad was 38
Reagan was 69; I was 16; my dad was 42
Bush 1.0 was 64; I was 24; my dad was 50
Clinton was 46; I was 28; my dad was 54
Bush 2.0 was 54; I was 36
Obama was 47; I was 44
posted by kirkaracha at 5:04 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]


Jeb Bush Says His Campaign is "Not on Life Support"

Like the unfortunate Terri Shiavo, it may require the intervention of the Supreme Court for him to pull the plug.
posted by JackFlash at 5:11 PM on October 29, 2015 [5 favorites]


dude if you have to refute the claim that your campaign is on life support, your campaign is on life support
posted by murphy slaw at 5:20 PM on October 29, 2015 [15 favorites]


It's on Super PAC support.
posted by Drinky Die at 5:55 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Forget Justin Trudeau. Forget Rand Paul. Clearly you have not met one of Wisconsin's OTHER congressmen, Sean Duffy.
posted by St. Hubbins


[Sean Duffy] first entered public life as a cast member on The Real World: Boston and 2002's Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, before going on to serve as district attorney of Ashland County, Wisconsin and the U.S. Representative for Wisconsin's 7th congressional district. He is a member of the Republican Party.

Ya, I think you win. Dear god.
posted by rosswald at 6:03 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Tortilla Coast, a mediocre "Mexican" restaurant here in DC, congratulates their former server. Via /r/washingtondc (more information, jests, and links there).
posted by exogenous at 6:05 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]


Good luck being an asshole in asshole club.

He's the main asshole of the asshole club.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 6:20 PM on October 29, 2015


I think people are getting debate fatigue.

NEVER
posted by triggerfinger at 7:13 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


Would Mr. Ryan kindly resign his office and denounce Scott Walker?
posted by Juffo-Wup at 7:15 PM on October 29, 2015


Now that we have the regional systems in line!
posted by clavdivs at 7:19 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


I think people are getting debate fatigue.

NEVER


Heh, same here, I had a great time watching. Would have made a new FPP for it myself if I had been watching live.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:05 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]


The organizer of the “National Religious Liberties Conference” in Des Moines, Iowa, announced today that Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal have committed to speaking at the summit, which will take place next month. One speaker at the conference, Iowa radio host Steve Deace, has said that Ben Carson has also RSVP’d for the event, although Carson’s name was not included in today’s press release.

Kevin Swanson, the conference’s chief organizer, is a far-right pastor and host of the “Generations Radio” program, on which he has frequently claimed that the government should put gay people to death, warned that the Girl Scouts and the movie “Frozen” turn girls into lesbians and blamed natural disasters on gay people and women who wear pants.


I can't imagine why this party has a hard time finding wise, smart, reasonable leaders for the House.
posted by Drinky Die at 10:00 PM on October 29, 2015 [9 favorites]


They turned him into a Newt!
posted by Chitownfats at 6:46 AM on October 30, 2015 [5 favorites]


let's hope he gets better
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:18 AM on October 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Whenever he comes to a town with any office up for election he runs, and if he wins he serves his term before riding on to the next town, guided only by the road and the wind...

Written by early West Wing Sorkin and featuring a new cast of characters (except Obama) every season/episode as we follow the campaign or maybe the term in office.

Maybe at some point he can pick-up a side-kick. Maybe his name could be Luther and Luther could help our hero translate the angry feelings he has but can't seem to express through his consistently calm demeanor.
posted by VTX at 8:51 AM on October 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


Well, the silver lining to this cloud is that Ryan is ruled out as Trump's VP. It's good to appreciate the smaller blessings.
posted by mule98J at 12:07 PM on October 30, 2015 [1 favorite]


So my formative national-electoral-political experience was volunteering on the Howard Dean campaign way back in the day. As such, I've been downplaying reports of Bush's campaign being "on life support," because I remember back in fall of 2003 reading all sorts of stories about how John Kerry was polling at 2% nationally, was having trouble fundraising, and would soon drop out of the race. Because Kerry, with his establishment backing, was so easily able to muscle Dean out of the way when it came down to actual voting/caucusing in 2004, and, for that matter, because Romney was able to hold off a series of attacks by weirdo candidates back in 2012, part of my brain is convinced that the establishment has ways of getting their nominee in no matter what.

It'd be genuinely fascinating if this ended up being the election where establishment domination over the presidential nomination process breaks down. I suppose it sort of broke down in 2008 when Obama overtook Clinton, but as my unreliable memories have it, establishment support was more or less split between Obama and Clinton from the start that time around.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:23 PM on October 30, 2015 [2 favorites]


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