“Keep Willowside Safe & Quiet: No to Guy Fieri.”
November 13, 2015 9:19 AM   Subscribe

Guy's Big Gulp - Guy Fieri tackles wine "And if you’re looking for a metaphor of how the food-and-wine establishment views Guy Fieri, it’s hard to top a man who feeds dog shit to slow-moving animals and calls it foie gras." - Drew Magary heads to Flavortown's Sonoma outpost.
posted by GamblingBlues (112 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
I would like to see the wine list he pairs with this menu.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:32 AM on November 13, 2015 [25 favorites]


DirtyOldTown, that is awesome!
posted by Windopaene at 9:38 AM on November 13, 2015


"Guy takes a pan filled with blanched asparagus and drops a HUGE chunk of brie in it. The most brie. All of the brie."

Yeah, I think I would probably really enjoy going to a barbeque at Guy Fieri's.
posted by joelhunt at 9:38 AM on November 13, 2015 [10 favorites]


I would like to see the wine list he pairs with this menu.

It actually took me about a minute to realize that was a parody and not the actual menu from his Times Square restaurant, since it's not all that far off the real one.
posted by holborne at 9:40 AM on November 13, 2015 [14 favorites]


...or the wine-soaked meetup that it inspires, following in this tradition.

From the article:

But his innate Fieri-ness, which he swears is not a deliberately maintained brand image, can get in the way of all that hifalutin talk. And it’s not just the frosted tips. It goes a little deeper than that, deep into the culture wars that have somehow managed to invade your dinner plate.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:40 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


That menu was previously on MeFi.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:41 AM on November 13, 2015


"Gettin' donkey sauced tonight!"
posted by ardgedee at 9:41 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


God bless Guy Fieri for existing, if only for the fact that I can read sentences like this one:

"When I arrive, Guy is in his standard uniform: camo shorts, loud shirt, flip-flops, jewel-encrusted skull necklace. He looks like every Sublime fan rolled into one."
posted by redsparkler at 9:46 AM on November 13, 2015 [47 favorites]


no

No

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by Kitteh at 9:49 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't know, the wine industry and the surrounding culture is often so ridiculously snobby and pretentious I'm not sure they have a leg to stand on making fun of this guy. Wine has its own brand of absurd bullshit.

It's a pot mocking the kettle's dull, pedestrian black as opposed to its sleek, elegant ebony.
posted by Sangermaine at 9:52 AM on November 13, 2015 [45 favorites]


I would like to see the wine list he pairs with this menu.

It actually took me about a minute to realize that was a parody

Challenge accepted.

Honky-Tonky Double Barrel Meat Loaded Blast - Shiraz
Football: The Meal - Merlot
Captain Beefheart - Cabernet sauvignon
Guy's Big Balls - Gewürztraminer
Prufrocktoberfest - Regret...so much regret.
posted by Fizz at 9:53 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


Here's a reason to make fun of him, his resteraunts are fucking terrible.

My Manhattan was fireball whiskey and ice.

Don't take my word for it! Ask these mefites!
posted by The Whelk at 9:55 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Three bulbous wine glasses sit before me in a tasting room: a Zin, a Cab blend (which is called TROPHY, with the O on the label replaced by a gun sight), and a Pinot Noir.

That's a terribly pedestrian name for a Fieri-branded wine.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:57 AM on November 13, 2015


My Manhattan was fireball whiskey and ice.

It's not all bad, you've got a promising start for a nice poem here
posted by clockzero at 9:57 AM on November 13, 2015 [30 favorites]


i don't understand the hate for Guy. Unless he's a jerk.

I mean, I probably wouldn't eat at his restaurant, because it's not my cup of tea, but plenty of people enjoy it so there you go.

cuisine is like any kind of art - everyone likes something different, and its OK to be critical of it, but all the snark for Guy just sounds like snobbery.

But of course, if he's a jerk in some way, shape or form, then hate away. I hate jerks.
Unless you're a soda jerk. Or a jerk sauce.
posted by bitteroldman at 9:58 AM on November 13, 2015 [11 favorites]


The noise very nearly seriously injured one of my show horses.

These people deserve each other.
posted by Space Coyote at 10:00 AM on November 13, 2015 [47 favorites]


I mean, I probably wouldn't eat at his restaurant, because it's not my cup of tea, but plenty of people enjoy it so there you go.

That's why I thought the culture-wars-on-your-dinner-plate line in the article was spot-on.

But I mean, the guy is packaging food as entertainment. I would have to imagine that at some level he's aware that part of the way people experience it is snarkily or ironically - I guess as long as they're paying when the bill hits the table, he comes out the winner in the equation, snark or no.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:05 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


In the original draft, a Fieri staffer was seen scraping the construction helmet girlfriend of the shit-fed tortoise into a bucket marked "Donkey Sauce".
posted by dr_dank at 10:05 AM on November 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


His TV persona seems designed for kicking around by snobs, but he comes off as a nice enough guy in the piece. *shrug*

Maybe it's the contrast with the show horse lady, but I say give the dude his shot. Just as I am not forced to eat at his restaurants, so I am also not forced to buy his wine. And that's fine, it's what the market does.

(Mind you, I really won't be eating at his restaurants or drinking his wine, but cut it out with all the classist shaming, wine people.)
posted by wenestvedt at 10:05 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


One trick I overheard when buying a couple boxes of grapes in a South Street warehouse in Philadelphia, was to serve cheese with wine you're trying to sell, when the wine isn't any good. Any kind of cheese will cover up problems with bad wine. If you want to sell wine on its own merits, you don't mask the taste with cheese.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:09 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


Windopaene: "DirtyOldTown, that is awesome!"

A Goon did that. They jumped in and grabbed the domain when Fieri started yakking about the upcoming restaurant, but his people weren't doing their jobs.
posted by Samizdata at 10:11 AM on November 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


(According to, ahem, my, uhhhhh, Goon friend.)
posted by Samizdata at 10:11 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


The GQ article is lovely, thank you for sharing it. Sort of a sweet and nuanced portrait, while not overlooking the ridiculousness that is Fieri. What I love in all the press he does is he seems sort of innocently sincere about his whole shtick. I mean he knows it's a bit crazy and that he's been kind of lucky, but he's also just gonna go with who he is. I respect that.

I even like the goofy over-the-top Americana food his restaurants serve. I'm on board for something that's basically a Chili's or Applebee's menu only done better. But I didn't much care for the terrible service at the Johnny Garlic's in Roseville, nor getting sick after one meal there.

There is a reason for disdain, though, which is that Fieri is carving out this new niche of cuisine that should not exist. I fear his fans think his restaurants represent some sort of great cooking, what "real" chefs do. No. He makes glorified bar snacks. And bar snacks are good! But there's a long rich tradition of that kind of low cuisine with more integrity than most of what he makes. Oddly Fieri himself understands that history and his Driver's Drive-ins and Dives show demonstrates that, particularly the early seasons. But he's turned it into an overpriced theme park approach to dining and it needs pushback.

Also $75 for a brand new California red wine is a lot of money. I wonder if it's really someone figuring out you can sell more $20 wine if you mark it up to $75 and brand it cleverly.
posted by Nelson at 10:11 AM on November 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


I surmise that while the restaurant is terrible, the underlying issue is social class. If he served terrible - for instance - French food while being from an UMC, WASPy background and correctly dressed and coiffed, married to an appropriate woman, he would attract no notice. There are terrible yet very sub fusc restaurants out there. He'd make less money, sure, but he'd be able to make a perfectly good living.

It's because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's rich, and because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's held in contempt. People pay attention to him either because he represents some elements of their own backgrounds (elements that are usually only visible in pop culture on people who are held in total contempt - lots of people may hold Fieri in contempt, it's true, but he's blatantly successful and that means that he can't be totally dismissed) or because they want to show that they are not lower middle class trashy people into flamez/skulls/soul patches/Xtreme dining/etc.
posted by Frowner at 10:16 AM on November 13, 2015 [14 favorites]


So at this point he's like Bizarro Thomas Keller, only they both exist in our same universe.

Also I swear I read something, maybe here, about how Fieri's a raging homophobe and has behaved really poorly to people on his show that he thought were gay.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:17 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


cool, another wine label nobody needs

fuckin booze farmers stealing our groundwater
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:21 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


And he rides off into the sunset, in a Camaro, laughing all the fucking way to the fucking bank.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:25 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]




If anyone mentions Guy Fieri, I send them this unaired SNL skit because it gives me so much joy.
posted by Drab_Parts at 10:26 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]




So I've not tried any of Guy's own restaurants. But when I'm in an unfamiliar town and want some decent unpretentious food I have been known to fire up the flavortown app for a recommendation.

The wine thing is all sort of "meh" Guy's not growing the grapes, he's got vintner making the wine. Basically he's just bankrolling it. So basically it's any other Sonoma/Napa rich guy "I've got a winery" boondoggle. That pricing is pretty high end for a new wine thats "not" using Guy's name to sell it.
posted by bitdamaged at 10:26 AM on November 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


One more point: his food is kind of brassy and middlebrow, so I was surprised to see him asking for $75 a bottle.

With plastic corks replacing cork corks, and boxes or TetraPaks more common and accepted than they used to be, I expected Fieri to be championing a line of a few solid, simple wines in 2 liter boxes for a reasonable price. *shrug* It's coming out of a giant, steel tank anyway, man, may as well be up front about it and gain some points with your customers for honesty.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:28 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm not sure I would be a big fan of his restaurants (the Times Square one in particular sounds pretty bad) but I really like Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. The restaurants he showcases seem like small, family owned places that variously serve their take on traditional or ethnic specialties or interesting combinations of local ingredients. Not always healthy food, but definitely places I would try. And certainly no less healthy than most options for eating out, and a lot better than some. He also seems like a fun guy to hang out with. Although I can't argue with making fun of his hair. So I'm glad to see some commenters here sticking up for him. This article was kind of disappointing in terms of being about his wine; they didn't get around to tasting it until nearly the end, and I'm not sure someone who has never spent more than 20 dollars on a bottle of wine is the best person to taste it. Although I rarely spend more than that myself, I might give his wines a try if I get the chance.
posted by TedW at 10:29 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Food aside, that's a great piece. Is Magary starting to mellow?
posted by gottabefunky at 10:31 AM on November 13, 2015


"One trick I overheard when buying a couple boxes of grapes in a South Street warehouse in Philadelphia, was to serve cheese with wine you're trying to sell, when the wine isn't any good. Any kind of cheese will cover up problems with bad wine. If you want to sell wine on its own merits, you don't mask the taste with cheese."

Inside the industry we say, "If you're selling wine, serve cheese. If you're buying wine, eat bread."
posted by komara at 10:33 AM on November 13, 2015 [20 favorites]


It's because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's rich, and because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's held in contempt

Well, I don't like Bobby Flay, and he is literally is some kind of Wall Street finance jerkbag. And I don't like Alton Brown either and whatever his nerdy bowtie-wearing schtick represents. Maybe it's just Food Network personalities.
posted by FJT at 10:33 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


With plastic corks replacing cork corks, and boxes or TetraPaks more common and accepted than they used to be, I expected Fieri to be championing a line of a few solid, simple wines in 2 liter boxes for a reasonable price. *shrug* It's coming out of a giant, steel tank anyway, man, may as well be up front about it and gain some points with your customers for honesty.

That's the thing, eh? You'd think he'd be championing that - but as the article notes, he seems to want the best of both worlds (i.e., wants to be loved by some wine snobs, too), so I guess the pricing is part of that?

Up around these here parts, this is what we have on the celebrity wine front: Dan Ackroyd.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:34 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Is Magary starting to mellow?

Let's uncork him and find out.
posted by dr_dank at 10:36 AM on November 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


Then on Saturday he’ll go to a horse race with Papa John. And Jimmy John. Both of the Johns.

Everything I need to know about Fieri is right there. Fucking awful people.
posted by NoMich at 10:38 AM on November 13, 2015 [9 favorites]


$75 a bottle wine from Guy Fieri? Meanwhile, Jerry Casale of DEVO, who actually knows his shit, is selling his wine at $50 a bottle.

(I've had it. It's good if you like Pinot.)
posted by SansPoint at 10:39 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


I wish they had sent a wine person (not like a sommelier necessarily but someone who is a wine nerd at least) along with this author to taste the wines. I am actually curious how they taste and all I got was "I guess they were okay, I guess? Then I got wasted."

Keep the person who wrote this. Just send a play-by-play person for the wine and the color commentator for the NIMBY neighbor disputes and Sublime fan analogies.
posted by misskaz at 10:40 AM on November 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


With plastic corks replacing cork corks...

Nowadays the real connoisseur prefers a Stelvin Closure.
posted by TedW at 10:43 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


mandolin conspiracy, The Dan Akroyd wine is pretty good in my opinion. So too his Crystal Head Vodka. I've actually been thinking about trying some other Canadian celebrity inspired alcohol drinks: Wayne Gretsky and Mike Weir both have vineyards. There are quite a few celebs who own wineries/vineyards.
posted by Fizz at 10:44 AM on November 13, 2015


“Pull your pants up,” Guy tells his son. “What’s goin’ on with your pants?”

“Hey, the belt sucks,” Hunter says.

“Looks like you got a big old milker in there.”


What.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 10:46 AM on November 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


TedW: Nowadays the real connoisseur prefers a Stelvin Closure.

Hah! This is as roundabout a way of hiding a plain thing as the old "We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram."

(Also, thank you for that reminder -- it even supports my point. :7)
posted by wenestvedt at 10:48 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


i don't get why hard right people accuse diversity of being "Cultural Marxism", but are okay with this extreme consumerist leveling of a noble art
posted by Apocryphon at 10:49 AM on November 13, 2015


Sam Neil has a nice winery. Wouldn't you like some inexpensive and very nice wine from notable character actor Sam Neil?
posted by The Whelk at 10:49 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


“Pull your pants up,” Guy tells his son. “What’s goin’ on with your pants?”

“Hey, the belt sucks,” Hunter says.

“Looks like you got a big old milker in there.”

What.


In my head this is an exchange between Ray and Lil Nephew
posted by Existential Dread at 10:49 AM on November 13, 2015 [26 favorites]


is this how we remember occupy flavortown

it used to mean something
posted by boo_radley at 10:49 AM on November 13, 2015 [7 favorites]


It's because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's rich, and because he's a lower middle class stereotype that he's held in contempt.

Incidentally, this also partially explains both the appeal, and the aghast, towards Trump.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:50 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


okay with this extreme consumerist leveling of a noble art

People have been selling mediocre wine for high prices long before Flavortown was a twinkle in Fieri's eye.
posted by murphy slaw at 10:50 AM on November 13, 2015


sevenyearlurk, I believe "milker" refers to a milk cow, or more specifically to its udder -- as though the child's baggy trousers concealed an udder.

(Less likely, it may have something to do with trouser full of diarrhea due to lactose intolerance. Anyone who ate at Flavortown want to comment on their experience? Greg, do you want to share anything?)
posted by wenestvedt at 10:51 AM on November 13, 2015


What evs. His thing is enjoying stuff as a sort of modern American bon vivant. I had to examine my own snobbery vis à vis the usual food network faces, and I could not tell you why I gave Nigella's brand of positivism a pass, but reserved my ire for Fieri.

Both ooh and aah and generally provide feel good comfort shows about feel good comfort food.

Fieri seems to a genuinely OK person who loved his lesbian sister unconditionally and just wants everyone to enjoy a meal.

I'm OK with this.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:52 AM on November 13, 2015 [10 favorites]


I went into this piece expecting to hate it, figuring it was just going to be yet another hatchet job. Taking jabs at Guy Fieri has reached Nickelback levels in that, yeah, maybe the criticism is well deserved, but at this point it inevitably makes the person doing the criticizing look bad, since it isn't exactly brave, original, or insightful to poke fun at an easy target. I enjoyed the more nuanced approach of this article.

Also I swear I read something, maybe here, about how Fieri's a raging homophobe and has behaved really poorly to people on his show that he thought were gay.

Addressed in the article.
posted by The Gooch at 10:57 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


What evs. His thing is enjoying stuff as a sort of modern American bon vivant. I had to examine my own snobbery vis à vis the usual food network faces, and I could not tell you why I gave Nigella's brand of positivism a pass, but reserved my ire for Fieri.

My husband has a rabid hatred of Nigella. Like, it's irrationally intense, and for no particular reason. He honestly can't articulate why he hates her so much.

Sooooo....if I happen to flip by the Food Network and she's on, I'll leave it there and hide the remote and go for a walk.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:01 AM on November 13, 2015 [8 favorites]


Then on Saturday he’ll go to a horse race with Papa John. And Jimmy John. Both of the Johns.

Everything I need to know about Fieri is right there. Fucking awful people.


I loved his mom's query to that and hope to get a chance to use it sometime soon.
posted by TedW at 11:02 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


(Fieri has many other cars, each with its own vanity plate: FOOD FYT, CADLAQ, LIVFAST, BLKTRFL, etc.) B

Of all Fieri's crimes against taste, this might be the one that is the worst.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:09 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


I thought Anthony Bourdain was the designated modern American bon vivant? He seems like a much more insufferable figure than the populist Fieri, though.
posted by Apocryphon at 11:12 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: I bet the other kids shit their Minecraft undies at the sight of it.
posted by spinturtle at 11:14 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


My Manhattan was fireball whiskey and ice.

It's not all bad, you've got a promising start for a nice poem here


My Manhattan was Fireball whiskey
and ice, a version quite risky:
Without bitters and vermouth
It's considered uncouth.
Fieri needs pummeling briskly!
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:17 AM on November 13, 2015 [9 favorites]


Bourdain can't be a vivant because he's been in the biz. He's more of a retired gentleman food anthropologist.

A vivant ought to be apart from the business it celebrates. A vivant is us, the everywoman, just writ larger.

Bourdain is more introspective and thoughtful, enquiring why and how. But he has a fixed, jaundiced eye, and is great at explaining how everything is terrible, or will be terrible once some important old European patriarch dies.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:17 AM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


Bourdin's output tastes a lot like journalism nowadays. His Iran episode and coverage of heroin users in Provincetown, Mass. are two recent examples.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:21 AM on November 13, 2015


I wonder if it's really someone figuring out you can sell more $20 wine if you mark it up to $75 and brand it cleverly.

Replace "wine" with "vodka" and that's literally how Grey Goose (and with it, the entire high-end vodka market) was invented.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:24 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


Also, since his shameless yet consistent self-cariacturing seems to mirror that of a certain real estate tycoon, I'm going to call it now: Fieri Presidential run in 2040.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:25 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Also I swear I read something, maybe here, about how Fieri's a raging homophobe and has behaved really poorly to people on his show that he thought were gay.

The article's take on that is that those were apparently unsubstantiated accusations from someone connected to the show who happened to be suing him for unrelated reasons at the time. I can't speak to the truth of that either way.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:28 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's worth noting the "Fieri is homophobic" idea comes only from this one source, as part of a civil lawsuit. The Fine Article does a good job discussing the allegation. That story keeps getting repeated but without more evidence I think it's unfairly smearing him.
posted by Nelson at 11:35 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


Fair enough, allegation retracted.

I still stand by him being the anti-Keller, though.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:45 AM on November 13, 2015


Part of me wishes Rick Sebak was America's bon vivant.
posted by pxe2000 at 11:47 AM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


My ire for Guy Fieri is that his food is bad

My lack of ire for Nigella Lawson is that i really want to kiss her

i am less enthused about kissing guy fieri

but i guess i would do it for charity maybe
posted by Greg Nog at 11:50 AM on November 13, 2015 [10 favorites]


I guess I'm Metafilter's in-house wine curmudgeon, but here we go:

People decrying the price tag on these are mostly missing the point. Most of the wine you see on supermarket shelves is less than $20, yes. That is because most of the wine on supermarket shelves is borderline-undrinkable crap, whose price tag is possible because of economies of scale and quasi-legal labor practices. If you want to grow pinot noir or cab-sauv, and you want to do it correctly/ethically, and then ferment and age it correctly, you can *maybe* get away with selling your entry-level cuvee at $20. You can do that if and only if you have a distribution model that excludes the three-tiered system--i.e., if you're selling to a mailing list. A very common model for small to midsize growers in California is to offer the mailing list the entry-level bottles, and then produce a few single-field designates that are in the $40-60 range, which are sold both to mailing lists and to distributors.

All of this to say: Guy Davis, Fieri's winemaker, already has a label that sells $40-50 bottles of pinot noir and cabernet. He appears to be doing quite well for himself. I've never tried anything from him, because they don't distribute outside of California unless you're on said mailing list, and there are so many mailing lists that it's easy for someone like that to fly under the radar. My guess is that it's of comparable quality to many of the other $40-ish bottles out there, which are very definitely not being created or marketed to people who have never spent more than $20 on a bottle of wine. Adding the celebrity tie-in is kind of gimmicky, but it's certainly not unheard of... ever had a Coppola bottle? That stuff is vile beyond measure, but sells for a few bucks more than its contemporaries because of the name on the label. If Fieri is marketing to wine tourists in Sonoma, upcharging by $30 a bottle isn't going to tank his sales.

On the other end of that, Yao Ming released a premium cabernet a few years back that retailed for $300 a bottle. It's now at CostCo for $39.99. You never know. If you want to hate on Fieri for his goofy hair and absurd schtick, go for it, but let's see how bad the wine is before we start deriding it, yeah?
posted by Mayor West at 11:52 AM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


i am less enthused about kissing guy fieri

Now imagining a dating show hosted by Fieri in the style of MTV's Singled Out, only it takes place inside one of his restaurants.

Contestants who are not chosen are sent to the 'fried convertible-car of doom' where they are obligated to eat different parts of the vehicle.
posted by Fizz at 11:54 AM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


I'm glad the author was there for his audience, warning them of a potentially catastrophic signaling failure. The best part is where he gives Fieri's food this condescending little promotion to "middlebrow" to fluff their class pretensions.
posted by mph at 11:58 AM on November 13, 2015


RobotVoodooPower: "Also, since his shameless yet consistent self-cariacturing seems to mirror that of a certain real estate tycoon, I'm going to call it now: Fieri Presidential run in 2040"

I'm afraid the final election in 2024 may curtail that ambition. He only serves as High Chaplain of Interstellar War in the Insane Clown Posse presidency.
posted by team lowkey at 12:18 PM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


My Manhattan was fireball whiskey and ice.

You ordered a Manhattan in a restaurant with a muscle car bar.

That's on you, man.
posted by madajb at 12:40 PM on November 13, 2015 [6 favorites]


Adding the celebrity tie-in is kind of gimmicky, but it's certainly not unheard of... ever had a Coppola bottle?

Nicolas Cage makes wine?
posted by Sangermaine at 1:02 PM on November 13, 2015 [5 favorites]


Oh god I wish.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:36 PM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


There was a thread on celebrity wineries awhile back. I've been to Maynard's winery in the Arizona highlands. If you squint, you can almost imagine the Pacific lapping up against the hillside.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 2:02 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I ate at Fieri's restaurant in Santa Rosa one time. It was okay, I guess? I dunno, the man's fame seems all out of proportion.
posted by jcreigh at 2:06 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


A friend convinced me to give Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives a shot, and I actually kind of like it. Some of my favorite memories driving across the country are of stopping at little roadside places. I don't know, there's something really comforting and nice about them. I'd be really hypocritical to love restaurants with scrap metal dinosaur sculptures out back, and at the same time to think I was above stuff Guy Fieri likes. That's OK. I'm sure I'll never drink his wine, but I'm also sure I'd never be able to tell it apart from the good stuff.
posted by teponaztli at 2:15 PM on November 13, 2015


"it’s pronounced FEE-eddy" [...] "not a deliberately maintained brand image"

Uh-huh. The man's name is "Ferry", pronounced FERR-ee. He changed it, as part of...a deliberately maintained brand image.
posted by Fnarf at 2:29 PM on November 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


but I really like Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. The restaurants he showcases seem like small, family owned places that variously serve their take on traditional or ethnic specialties or interesting combinations of local ingredients. Not always healthy food, but definitely places I would try. And certainly no less healthy than most options for eating out, and a lot better than some. He also seems like a fun guy to hang out with.

He's got a bro demeanor which I would find really tiresome in person but I really enjoy it on DD&D. He comes across, to me, as legitimately enjoying himself and he delves just enough into how the stuff is made to be interesting to me (as opposed to some other food porn I see on tv with all these well-lit pans and I can't smell or taste it, bub, so come on give it a rest). And he's just so positive and supportive of those folks. I'm in the pollyanna stage of my middle-age, I guess.
posted by phearlez at 2:35 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


I would absolutely buy and drink Nicholas Cage brand wine. Especially if the label had a picture of his screaming face on it.
posted by emjaybee at 2:36 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


watching a man with Guy Fieri's facial hair eat messy diner meals isn't food porn, it's body horror
posted by prize bull octorok at 2:42 PM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


I had to close the tab when it got to the hard hat. Sorry.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 3:01 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


A friend convinced me to give Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives a shot, and I actually kind of like it. Some of my favorite memories driving across the country are of stopping at little roadside places.

He's been to a few of the restaurants in my town.
Some of them are what you'd expect - "Xtreme Burgers!" "5 lbs of Fries!".
But he also visited and apparently enjoyed the all-vegan diner, so there's that.

Also, I've never met the man, but the restaurant owners I've talked to about his visits all said he was personable and attentive, despite visiting something like 6 places in two days.

Which kinda gives the show a different spin, when you realize he might actually be eating (and being super-enthusiastic about) that cheesey, 5 layer, 4 meat mondo sandwich at 9 in the morning.
posted by madajb at 4:42 PM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'll agree with jcreigh. My wife and I went to Jonny Garlics in Santa Rosa. Not bad, though I'm no foodie. We live in the area. I wouldn't not go back, but it's not at the top of my list.
posted by ericales at 4:49 PM on November 13, 2015


That is because most of the wine on supermarket shelves is borderline-undrinkable crap, whose price tag is possible because of economies of scale and quasi-legal labor practices.

I can't speak to ethics but I'll tell you I don't particularly have any trouble drinking it.
posted by atoxyl at 7:07 PM on November 13, 2015 [4 favorites]


>>"it’s pronounced FEE-eddy" [...] "not a deliberately maintained brand image"

>Uh-huh. The man's name is "Ferry", pronounced FERR-ee. He changed it, as part of...a deliberately maintained brand image.


Did he really? The "It's pronounced with a pseudo-Italian-American accent" (vs. how current actual Italians would say it) thing annoyed me, but it's particularly annoying if it's just an affectation.
posted by jaguar at 7:12 PM on November 13, 2015


His fansite (and Wikipedia) make the claim that he changed it to reflect the original spelling of his grandfather's last name that morphed into "Ferry", and the site linked below claims he did it well before he became famous.

Your authenticity anger may vary; this certainly isn't an outright negation of the claim that he did it to help his career or for cynical reasons.

oh my dog, I'm defending Guy Fieri? This evening has taken an unexpected turn.
posted by Earthtopus at 7:26 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


He started with the frosted tips before he was famous too. Just sayin'.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:41 PM on November 13, 2015


You ordered a Manhattan in a restaurant with a muscle car bar.

He ordered a Manhattan in Manhattan
posted by Greg Nog at 8:57 PM on November 13, 2015


I"m curious about this but living in the UK I have no idea who this guy is whatsoever. What does he cook? Over-the-top "recombinant" style USA "classics"?
posted by mary8nne at 5:23 AM on November 14, 2015


Let's put the homophobe thing to rest, shall we? For all we know he's as covertly homophobic as many of us straight folk, committing transgressions and micro aggressions both knowingly and not.

But his sister was openly gay, and her death hit him hard enough that he celebrated her life by becoming a marriage commissioner; he spent a weekend marrying couples when the US finally gained marriage equality.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:39 AM on November 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


I don't see how him changing the pronunciation of his name is any more outrageous than what Colbert did. Celebrities do it all the time, it's part of their business.
posted by Think_Long at 7:08 AM on November 14, 2015


mary8nne, his show is on for about six hours of every day on the freeview Food Network.
posted by goo at 7:53 AM on November 14, 2015


To amplify a bit, he doesn't do much cooking himself. The thing he's best known for is his show Diners Drive-ins and Dives, in which he travels around and goes to un-fancy little places that serve peasant food. In the US this means Greek diners, delis, burger shacks, pizza joints, barbecue places, and various ethnic places. But cheap places in strip malls with paper napkins, not fancypants places with nine kinds of spoon.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:25 AM on November 14, 2015


I used to watch his less famous cooking show, Guy's Big Bite, before I gave up on the Food Network and it's not bad. Lots of "rockin'" this and, as my brother puts it, "extreme chipotle," but more likely to feature the kinds of food people might actually make instead of fancy dishes that are more aspirational than instructional.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:28 AM on November 14, 2015


Can we stop conflating bad taste with being lower middle class?
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 4:28 PM on November 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Can we stop conflating bad taste with being lower middle class?

Just in case that's a response to my comment upthread, I should clarify: what I was trying to say was that people have a stereotype in which "bad taste" is lower middle class, and to my mind people who are class snobs are snobs about Fieri because they want to distance themselves from what is, to their perception, a lower class person. (Albeit an inexplicably wealthy one.) If someone advocated for mediocre food and took up a lot of cultural space in a WASPY manner, they would not be treated the same way.

I'd say that there's also a question of what's tasteful, and things are often held to be in bad taste because they're taken up by the proletariat, not because there's anything intrinsically wrong with them. Flames and skulls and so on are quite respectable when it's Balmain or Alexander McQueen and a little nostalgie de la boue, but they're tacky on Fieri. They'd be dryly amusing if he went to Cambridge.
posted by Frowner at 5:34 PM on November 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


He's also just annoying, though. I mean, I'm sure there are class issues tied up in my dislike of him, and I'll own that, but I just think his schtick is overdone and tired. Though part of that may just be that Food Network seems to run hours and hours of "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" in a row, and it's just a saturation issue.

I wonder a bit if there's a Northern California/Southern California thing going on, too. As someone who lives in Northern California, I see him as embodying a lot of Southern California stereotypes (the line in the article about expecting his house to be a model of Sammy Hagar's head is about right) that seem out of place up here. Which probably gets into New Money vs. Old Money (but not Real Old Money, which is East Coast) class issues, too.
posted by jaguar at 7:15 PM on November 14, 2015 [3 favorites]


Sorry, I meant the NorCal/SoCal thing going on to explain some of his issues with his neighbors, not to explain why Food Network viewers (or ex-viewers) may be sick of him.
posted by jaguar at 7:16 PM on November 14, 2015


I actually kinda like Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. He's a goob and not great at discussing food, but his team finds good places and he has a certain enthusiasm that makes it breezy. I've never liked anything he has put together himself for food though, in terms of recipes, products, etc.

So I guess I find him an okay food tourist but have pretty much zero faith in him as a chef.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:00 AM on November 15, 2015


The noise very nearly seriously injured one of my show horses.

My friend said that the problem is he's a Pawnee in the middle of Eagleton.
posted by tofu_crouton at 10:31 AM on November 15, 2015 [3 favorites]


They don't like Crazy Ira and The Douche in Pawnee either though.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:19 PM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


Fieri is fighting Bourdain! Called it.
posted by Apocryphon at 5:00 PM on November 17, 2015


Apocryphon: My money's on Tony. He's an ex-line chef who worked on the LES in the 70s. He's scrappy, lean, and clearly not afraid to fight dirty. Guy will tap out as soon as his hair gets mussed.
posted by SansPoint at 6:24 PM on November 17, 2015


Fieri is fighting Bourdain! Called it.

Until I saw those pictures I didn't realize they have the same hair style. Guy needs to put Waffle House on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives if he really wants to get Bourdain's goat.
posted by TedW at 12:24 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


When we arrive at his house after the dropoff, his wife, Lori, is there to greet us. They’ve been married for more than twenty years. He met Lori after firing a friend of hers, and she went to angrily confront Guy about it. They got married. The friend stayed fired.

This is amazing. I don't know how this happens.

"You fired my friend, you fucking piece of shit!"

"Whoa, hey, easy there. Let's talk about it over dinner and sex."
posted by Errant at 10:03 AM on November 18, 2015


Until I saw those pictures I didn't realize they have the same hair style.

Maybe there's a Looper thing going on between the two.
posted by Apocryphon at 1:11 PM on November 18, 2015


Fieri is fighting Bourdain!

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 4:39 PM on November 23, 2015


I say this as someone who likes Bourdain's work: who's the pig here?
posted by phearlez at 8:57 AM on November 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


I may prefer usually Bourdain's cooking but I'd rather have dinner with Fieri every time. Plus Bourdain's recipe for steak tartare uses ketchup. That irritates my sensibilities way more than Donkey Sauce.
posted by Room 641-A at 1:16 PM on November 25, 2015


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