5 Harmful Myths the Ethically Non-Monogamous Community Needs to Address
November 13, 2015 11:15 AM   Subscribe

Awesome gender-queer Michon Neal address intersectionality and poly relationships. "There are some deeply ingrained myths about non-monogamy that actually exclude many people with varied experiences – especially those of us who have intersecting marginalized identities (minorities of minorities, as I like to call myself)."
posted by Anonymous (7 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- frimble



 
"Creating and sharing books and other resources based on intersectional analysis by those not in positions of power will go a long way towards opening up the community’s eyes to the damaging power dynamics they’ve brought with them from the dominant culture.

How about the leaders step back let and let us marginalized people create our own content and speak for ourselves?"

How much of a position of power is too much to speak to the trials of a group you don't belong to? I know that here in this context she intends the inherent power in privilege, but being a well known author of intersectional polyamory books is a position of power, and there are surely even more marginalized people than the author...

Nonetheless, I'm very glad that she mentions several examples of positive books/accounts in the next paragraph including her own writing.
posted by shenkerism at 2:17 PM on November 13, 2015


Not directly related, but immediately came to mind: Revolution Starts at Home - Confronting Partner Abuse in Activist Communities (pdf).

It covers some of the same points--basically, that communities with a focus on breaking free of mainstream beliefs and power structures are still prone to being dominated by white, cis people; ignoring people of color and people with disabilities; marginalizing anyone whose experience doesn't match "the norm;" and telling anyone who vocally disagrees with the the most common tropes that they're hurting the movement itself.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 2:24 PM on November 13, 2015 [1 favorite]


The emphasis on needing safety and tangible support more than empathy really hits me hard. Yes, we need ways to ensure safety, to identify predators and remove them. Yes, we need ways to move support around so that people have more resources and choices.
posted by Deoridhe at 3:09 PM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


I’m still exoticized, fetishized, marginalized, and silenced within the community.

I've seen this first hand. A guy I was dating wanted to attend a polyamory gathering, and so we went with his two house mates. We were: 1 black guy, gay; 1 white guy, gay (me); 1 Asian woman, bi; 1 white guy, straight.

They met at a Unitarian Church, so at least I knew it wouldn't be a sex party. We were met outside by some reps from the gathering, all Caucasian men. And they were on us like flies on shit. Or rather, they were on the black guy and the Asian woman, fauning obsequiously over them. I was totally invisible. It got creepy fast, and luckily the targets of their affection wanted to leave without going inside.

I don't know how representative this incident was of organized polyamory, but it was enough to turn me off in a major way.
posted by kanewai at 3:21 PM on November 13, 2015 [2 favorites]


This article needs a proofreader, stat.
posted by tummy_rub at 3:51 PM on November 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


It needs a proof reader because why?
posted by taff at 3:01 PM on November 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


They met at a Unitarian Church, so at least I knew it wouldn't be a sex party.

My experience at Unitarian youth conferences in the 1980s suggests that you may have made an unwarranted assumption.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:21 PM on November 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


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