When loved ones came for goodbyes, Carey wore sparkly Tom Ford eyeshadow

November 14, 2015 4:05 PM

She wasn’t vain, shallow or in denial. She was just unembarrassed that beauty – along with literature, music and a hundred other things – was part of who she was, and determined that cancer would not erode both her character and her body. In her weekly beauty column for The Guardian today, Sali Hughes writes about her friend, keyboardist for indie band Camera Obscura, and occasional beauty blogger Carey Lander, and the importance of make-up.

Carey died of osteosarcoma on 11th October, as covered on MeFI.

posted by ambrosen (6 comments total)

Greatgrandmother M died not so long ago. She was well into her 90s and had been brought down by Alzheimer's, but even at the end, having her hair done, her nails manicured, and her makeup on, was a thing which she never stopped doing. Part of that is being Southern, part of that was being a military officers wife for most of her life, but the biggest part was that it was a thing which she could control. She had an image of herself, and her beauty regime was very much a thing which gave her solace and made the end easier.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 6:08 PM on November 14, 2015 [5 favorites]

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Thank you for posting this.
posted by delight at 9:15 PM on November 14, 2015 [1 favorite]

This made me cry because it's such a beautiful testament to her dear friend and to the importance of your own image.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 10:02 PM on November 14, 2015 [2 favorites]

"grooming is a form of self-care that allows us to feel like ourselves when our worlds become unrecognisable." And I think, generally, the sentiment in that column is a lovely thumbnail of how beauty rituals can be linked to a notion of self which ultimately can become divorced from cultural expectations and patriarchal bullshit.

On the other hand, you'd think that her editors would have let her drop the product placements for what was an obituary. That sort of undermines the idea that it's a private ritual of self, not a measure of shame at what illness and treatment and the long process of dying are doing to you.
posted by crush-onastick at 7:59 AM on November 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

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Yes, the product placements seemed crass.

I've noted before that on the days I feel the worst, I'll wear the most makeup. It wasn't until my life was unmoored by chronic illness that I felt I could wear red lipstick as a daily thing to work, not just for a special night out.

So if you see me during the day with eyeliner and red lippie, you know I'm having a bad pain day. But I still look FABULOUS.
posted by fiercecupcake at 9:29 AM on November 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

So if you see me during the day with eyeliner and red lippie, you know I'm having a bad pain day. But I still look FABULOUS.

I don't wear red lippie but I do put more effort into my makeup and clothes on the bad days. I've messed up my knee something awful and on date night Friday, I put more thought into my outfit than I usually do and paid more attention to my makeup and scent. It's the one thing we can control.
posted by immlass at 9:39 AM on November 16, 2015 [1 favorite]