People Are Scaring Their Cats with Cucumbers. They Shouldn’t.
November 18, 2015 1:19 PM   Subscribe

A new viral trend reveals a surprising cat behavior, but pet owners should beware. By Brian Clark Howard. SLNatGeo.
posted by valkane (212 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
Ha. Yeah, this was making the rounds on my fb feed and I laughed my ass off and went to buy a cucumber.

Which my cats are completely unfrightened of or by. They define "meh" when they see the cucumber.
posted by rtha at 1:21 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


“If you do it for laughs it makes me question your humanity.”

Where's that satire checker...

Seriously though, lighten up.
posted by nzero at 1:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [15 favorites]


I.... But....

I have no idea how to participate in this thread.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [26 favorites]


see, humans have been chuckling at being cruel to things since the very beginning. you can't just expect us to give up our free speech rights just because it induces a tiny bit of trauma in others

personally, I advocate for running vacuums after cats for hours a day and regularly throwing them into toilets. that'll get them ready for the real world
posted by runt at 1:25 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


I think doing it one time for a laugh is fine. More than that then yeah you have problems and should not own pets. Cats are ridiculous and that's fine but you should not be getting off on an animal's fear response.
posted by bleep at 1:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


I have no idea how people are getting cats wedged near these cucumbers, or why.
posted by tau_ceti at 1:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [42 favorites]


I mean, I feel like we've just reached the end of the internet -- that point in the future in which we as a species have spent enough time on the internet to learn how it changes our evolution and rewires our brains and causes disease and early death and stuff. Because that's pretty much the only situation in which sounding the alarm of "PEOPLE ARE SCARING THEIR CATS WITH CUCUMBERS" makes any sense.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [54 favorites]


Yeah? I put a cucumber in a scanner. Howdya like THEM apples,National Geographic?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


Goldman explains that the cucumbers are triggering the cats’ natural startle responses, since they “would not normally see cucumbers on the floor.”

Oh ffs, these are the same people who don't let their kids watch PG13 movies or eat lucky charms, aren't they.
posted by phunniemee at 1:27 PM on November 18, 2015 [45 favorites]


Surprisingly, eggplants do not evoke the desired response.
posted by valkane at 1:28 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


There's much irony to be made about how this piece from the new Murdoch-owned NatGeo is being a moralistic scold against the MeFi position, but is doing so from a pro-animal rights stance.
posted by Apocryphon at 1:28 PM on November 18, 2015 [27 favorites]


Yesterday I found out that my cousin’s five year old son has decided he is going to be a cucumber when he grows up. Perhaps I should tell him that this will limit his cat-proximity options.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 1:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [44 favorites]


I bet he's the sort of guy who thinks the cats should be able to sue.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


My cat just wanted to eat the cucumber.
posted by Daily Alice at 1:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Clearly, if cats are offended by cucumbers, they need to be exposed to more cucumbers.

Mine just eats them (if I let him, which I don't).
posted by tempestuoso at 1:29 PM on November 18, 2015


I think this person would really hate my total commitment to fucking with my dog's head.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:30 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


when our cat was a kitten he would straight mug us for cucumbers. if i sliced into one he was suddenly whining while crawling up the cabinet doors to try to get it.
posted by nadawi at 1:31 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


If you really want to scare the absolute bejesus out of a cat, in my experience, go fly a kite. Far more terrifying than even the vacuum cleaner.
posted by bonehead at 1:31 PM on November 18, 2015


Oh, and a separate note: I have been extremely displeased to see that many people are using zucchini in place of the requisite cucumber. THEY MIGHT LOOK THE SAME ON CAMERA TO MOST PEOPLE BUT I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. HOW DARE YOU ENGAGE IN THIS STUPID VIRAL TREND WITHOUT THE CORRECT HORTICULTURAL PROP.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 1:32 PM on November 18, 2015 [36 favorites]


What's next, the PC police telling me I shouldn't tie my bear up and unleash hounds on it?
posted by odinsdream at 1:32 PM on November 18, 2015 [20 favorites]


Ok, so not much harm came to the cats in the video, but they do seem to legitimately be in full terror mode.

On a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 is "unexpected mystery attacker in your bedroom standing there with a bowie knife", those cats look like they're hitting a solid 9+, at least for a second. Poor little guys.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:32 PM on November 18, 2015 [42 favorites]


but how do they feel about zucchini?


because fuck zucchini.
posted by logicpunk at 1:34 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


I've done this to Bergamot* by accident, except instead of me sneaking up behind them placing a cucumber there, I just put a pair of socks down on top of a piece of furniture while she wasn't even nearby. Eventually she decided to jump up onto the furniture and suddenly, in mid-jump, there's a clear "OH SHIT I DIDN'T EXPECT SOCKS WHAT THE FUCK GET ME OUT OF HERE" panic.

I'm not sure what I could even do to avoid this, if I thought it were a problem. Don't put anything anywhere ever, I guess.

* Bergamot is a cat
posted by aubilenon at 1:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [114 favorites]


Goldman explains that the cucumbers are triggering the cats’ natural startle responses, since they “would not normally see cucumbers on the floor.”

Oh ffs, these are the same people who don't let their kids watch PG13 movies or eat lucky charms, aren't they.
posted by phunniemee at 1:27 PM on November 18


Not to mention, when my cats do see a cucumber on the floor, it's pretty much always because they've batted it off the edge of the kitchen table.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [20 favorites]


Seriously, be nice to your cats. Jerkfaces.
posted by agregoli at 1:36 PM on November 18, 2015 [24 favorites]


Results to date: 0/2
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 1:36 PM on November 18, 2015


yeah we had a whole thread about NOW IT LIVES ON THE FLOOR. It's like the internet is full of ephemeral and transitory cultural memes.
posted by sweetkid at 1:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Isn't causing terror in your cat just nursing its natural hunting instincts? Not the killing part, but the defensive part?

Aah, who gives a shit? I LOLed.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:37 PM on November 18, 2015


But how does the cucumber feel about this? Has anybody thought about that?
posted by mazola at 1:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [20 favorites]


Hahaa, a creature that is totally in my care that I am responsible for its well being, well, I made it REALLY SCARED for my own amusement! Once I can forgive. If anyone does this repeatedly, I repeat: jerkfaces. Poor kitties.
posted by agregoli at 1:39 PM on November 18, 2015 [24 favorites]


My cat doesn't care about the vacuum cleaner anymore. I thought it was because he's 19 and just can't be bothered, but then I showed him the clip of birds and squirrels from the videos for cats post the other day, and he went completely apeshit.

He kept looking behind the ipad, and then at the screen, and then behind the ipad, and then at me, like "Where is the bird? What wizardry is this, human?" I suppose that was cruel, too, as I did get much enjoyment at his expense.
posted by tempestuoso at 1:40 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


Fool me once with a cucumber, shame on you. Fool me twice with a cucumber, shame on me.
posted by tempestuoso at 1:40 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


HORTICULTURAL PROP

Incidentally, "Horticultural Prop" is the name of my new band. We do all-natural, vegan Steely Dan covers.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [51 favorites]


Waiting for the inevitable memetic mutation to "humans afraid of cucumbers"
posted by JohnFromGR at 1:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


> On a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 is "unexpected mystery attacker in your bedroom standing there with a bowie knife", those cats look like they're hitting a solid 9+, at least for a second

Yeahbut it's not like cats have anything other than 0 and 10, with nothing in between.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:41 PM on November 18, 2015 [31 favorites]


Trust me, the cats deserve it. I bet they share their "humans react to dead squirrel under the dinner table" videos on whatever social media they spend all their time on. And they don't stop at just once!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 1:42 PM on November 18, 2015 [67 favorites]


We do all-natural, vegan Steely Dan covers.


Peely Dan
posted by ian1977 at 1:43 PM on November 18, 2015 [53 favorites]


There's much irony to be made about how this piece from the new Murdoch-owned NatGeo is being a moralistic scold against the MeFi position, but is doing so from a pro-animal rights stance.

Thanks to rorgy for his comment on smarm. Otherwise, this would have flew under my radar. Well, not really, but now I understand it better.
posted by valkane at 1:43 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Incidentally, "Horticultural Prop" is the name of my new band. We do all-natural, vegan Steely Dan covers.

...and are also named after an obscure, fictional dildo?
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:44 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Surprisingly, eggplants do not evoke the desired response.

I know you're joking, but like it says in the article, Cucumber Surprise might trigger some kind of dormant fear of snakes in the kitty. That is, it's not just the unexpected thing, but the unexpected long green thing that scares them.
posted by Kevin Street at 1:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


So people who have actually studied the matter say you shouldn't scare your cat, that it's cruel and might be actually harmful, and you people basically say "awww, spoilsport, PC, I'll-do-whadda-I-wanna-to-my-cat!!!1!!!"?

Stellar.
posted by signal at 1:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [29 favorites]


Triceratops spent a significant portion of "decorative gourd season" cuddling up with her favorite decorative gourd (it's one of those green squash that look a little like a goose) and then batting it around the house like mad. I haven't attacked her with a cucumber because they are too tasty to waste on a terrible feline, but I'm sure if I did, she'd show that cucumber who was boss, and then probably try to groom it and sleep with it.
posted by ChuraChura at 1:47 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


My cat has this reaction to any clothes that she sees on the floor, and I've spent 30+ years leaving my clothes on the floor higgledypiggledy and I'm not going to stop now.
posted by tofu_crouton at 1:47 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


The problem with this is cats don't have long attention spans, but they do have long memories, so when they see a cucumber, they only get to the "cu-" part, and then, because they do think about themselves a lot, instead of going on to "-cumber," they go "-cat," and this immediately reminds the of the :CueCat, and then they are mortified.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:48 PM on November 18, 2015 [16 favorites]


seriously, 40 comments in and no Confuse a Cat? Meta, you're slipping.
posted by valkane at 1:48 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


People have dared me to do this to my cat but he's 14 and I'd worry I'd give the poor guy a heart attack. It's funny to watch, I guess, but I could never live with myself.
posted by desjardins at 1:49 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Incidentally, "Horticultural Prop" is the name of my new band. We do all-natural, vegan Steely Dan covers.

Jethro Tull, surely?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:50 PM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


This is all an episode of Maury gone horribly wrong. Even worse than usual.

Having experienced the delight that is sitting on the couch, chilling, watching TV, completely relaxed, then looking over slightly and seeing a spider or other bug and going BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and nearly rupturing something in my instant WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AAAAAA GET AWAY GET AWAY reflex, I empathize with these cats. If they can handle the bugs, I'll cover the cucumbers for them.
posted by delfin at 1:51 PM on November 18, 2015 [14 favorites]


I made my wife's cat chase a laser pointer once. I say 'made' because it seemed more like a brainstem response than anything he actually wanted to do. Then I felt bad, so I didn't do it again. Fin.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 1:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I advocate for running vacuums after cats for hours a day

My current kittens are unafraid of the vacuum cleaner and love running water (up to and including hurling themselves at the blasted shower door to get in while the shower is going).

They are, however, afraid of cell phone noises.

Cats are weird.
posted by thomas j wise at 1:53 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I don't think it's cucumbers, I think it's sliding them up into the cat's personal space while the cat is eating. Every really satisfying video of cat vs. cucumber that I've seen has started with the cat eating, so I'm pretty confident that putting something unexpected in the cat's bubble while they're eating is the key, not any sort of weird, cucumber-based fear.
posted by sleeping bear at 1:54 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


No doubt that's part of it. They're relaxed and feel safe at the food dish, which makes the surprise way more effective.
posted by Kevin Street at 1:56 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


What if you put a second bowl of food behind the cat when it's not looking
posted by Apocryphon at 1:56 PM on November 18, 2015 [26 favorites]


My neighbor's cat sneaks into my house, hides under the couch, and attacks my toes when I'm not expecting it.

I am off to the store to buy a cucumber. Payback is hell.
posted by kanewai at 1:56 PM on November 18, 2015 [21 favorites]


Incidentally, "Horticultural Prop" is the name of my new band. We do all-natural, vegan Steely Dan covers.

Jethro Tull, surely?


Depends on whether you're dirt-minded or dirty-minded, I guess.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:56 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


logicpunk: but how do they feel about zucchini?

Mine are somewhere between "whatevs" and vaguely curious. Your mileage may vary.

because fuck zucchini

You've been hanging around my daughter, apparently.
posted by MrGuilt at 1:57 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


I don't think it's cucumbers, I think it's sliding them up into the cat's personal space while the cat is eating.

I agree. In the article, it says that the feeding area is supposed to be a safe place, and so seeing a "snake-ish" object while in your safe place to eat can be quite disconcerting.
posted by jillithd at 1:57 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


yeah that's pretty crappy.
posted by sweetkid at 1:58 PM on November 18, 2015


Power Salad, "My Cat is Afraid of the Vacuum Cleaner"
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:59 PM on November 18, 2015


The oft-repeated phrase "Don't be a dick" shouldn't just guide your interactions with humans.
posted by entropicamericana at 2:01 PM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


In the article, it says that the feeding area is supposed to be a safe place, and so seeing a "snake-ish" object while in your safe place to eat can be quite disconcerting.

I wonder what the author's stance is in re: dick pics.
posted by phunniemee at 2:01 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Dunno about cucumbers, but where I grew up, there was a season every fall when people locked their doors because if they didn't someone would drop off surplus zucchini. Similar reactions ensued.
posted by hank at 2:02 PM on November 18, 2015 [13 favorites]


My cat is petrified of playing cards (mostly the sound of them shuffling) and of the click of a socket wrench as it goes around.

I often forget about the playing card thing and proceed to rudely play cribbage and the like around her, while she goes cautiously around swatting things. Cats are weird.

(she recovered shortly after being exposed to and vanquishing the playing card in the video and is otherwise extremely spoiled and happy, I swear)
posted by urbanlenny at 2:03 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


On a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 is "unexpected mystery attacker in your bedroom standing there with a bowie knife", those cats look like they're hitting a solid 9+, at least for a second

IME cats hit 9+ randomly for no fucking reason at all on the regular. They have these freakouts in the middle of the night spurred on by nothing. This seems pretty normal behaviour for any cat I've lived with.

“You wouldn’t want to meet someone new by having them shoved right in your face,” she says. “You’d want to meet them from a safe distance, such as a few arm lengths.

Apparently this person is unfamiliar with the practice of shaking hands with someone new?
posted by Hoopo at 2:03 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


cucumbers are triggering the cats’ natural startle responses, since they “would not normally see cucumbers on the floor.”

You know who else would not normally see cucumbers on the floor?
posted by Foosnark at 2:08 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else watch the squatty potty ad on that youtube video?

rolling on the floor right now over it...
posted by Annika Cicada at 2:09 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


My experience in the Ssscat thread leads me to believe that MetaFilter in general is not especially sensitive to feline stress.
posted by Miko at 2:11 PM on November 18, 2015


Goddammit. I saw this a few months ago and I swear to God I laughed harder than I had at anything in ages. Now it turns out it's a thing and it's cruel? FFS. FINE. I'll never laugh at it again.

*accidentally watches clip three times while copying link. wets self*
posted by billiebee at 2:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


I made my wife's cat chase a laser pointer once. I say 'made' because it seemed more like a brainstem response than anything he actually wanted to do. Then I felt bad, so I didn't do it again. Fin.

FWIW, our cats will sit in front of the shelf we keep the pointer on and mew at us until we pick it up and start waving it around. I really need to get new batteries for the thing.
posted by thecaddy at 2:15 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


A laser pointer is just a remote control for cats.
posted by aubilenon at 2:18 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


The thing is, my cats display this exact fear response (which by the way is totally snake-related; watch how the game is to try and get all four limbs as far away as possible) several times a day at stuff that isn't there. So I'd feel not at all bad at inducing it again, were it not for the fact I'm a bit bored of the reaction. Bang! Scrabble scrabble scrabble. I actually woke up a few years ago to a Richter 2 earthquake a few years ago and attributes it to the cats having this reaction on the wooden floor outside the bedroom.
posted by cromagnon at 2:19 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I don't scare my cats on purpose (unless they're trying to do something they know they're not supposed to, like get into the trash can), but they seem to manage it fine on their own. One of them jumped a foot in the air the other night, from lying down, because he suddenly noticed a book. That he had been lying on. For a full half-hour.
posted by jaguar at 2:22 PM on November 18, 2015 [98 favorites]


my partner has a green handbag that's got a (sort of realistic? but not really?) drawing of a snake on it. On several occasions people have seen that bag out of the corner of their eye and momentarily freaked the fuck out — startle reactions at least momentarily on par with the ones these cats display.

The "oh shit a snake!!!" reaction is apparently hard-wired deep in mammalian brains, at a level where even our fancy human neocortex with its fancy capacities for reasoning and language can't entirely suppress it.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:25 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


A laser pointer is just a remote control for cats.

On facebook today a friend shared a thing about a ouija board living room set and it occurred to me that with that rug and a laser pointer you can use your cat to send messages to your family.
posted by phunniemee at 2:27 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


They have these freakouts in the middle of the night spurred on by nothing

It's not their fault you can't see ghosts and other extra-dimensional beings, now is it?
posted by Jon Mitchell at 2:32 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


OK, the cat's afraid of the cucumber because it looks like a snake, but what's in it for the cucumber -- is it by any chance imitating a snake on purpose?

Well, probably yes:
The copperhead is the cause of many snakebites yearly but they are rarely fatal. Bites occur when people accidentally step on or touch the snake, which tends to be well camouflaged in its surroundings. When touched, the copperhead quickly strikes or remains quiet and tries to crawl away. Sometimes when touched, they emit a musk that smells like cucumbers.
posted by jamjam at 2:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [28 favorites]


"Floor cucumber" is now officially a euphemism for a new and startling element in an otherwise predictable environment which provokes an extreme response. To wit:

"I was having a great day until I found that floor cucumber in bed with my wife!"
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


A laser pointer is just a remote control for cats.

My dad has (a) two squirrely Abyssinians, (b) rocker light switches in the living room, and (c) a laser pointer. Sometimes he likes to watch TV in the evenings.

I will let everyone else put the pieces together here.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


There's a small but vocal animal rights contingent that frequently pops up in animal welfare forums who get really worked up over what they see as people humiliating or embarrassing their pets. They haaaaate Dogshaming and pets wearing costumes and even sometimes just amusingly awkward pictures of animals. This isn't quite that absurd, but it gets uncomfortably close.

Cats can be easily startled. It's really not that bad for them, especially in moderation. They're not supposed to live completely sedate lives. They're predators. They wig out all the time anyway. And most people know their pets and have their best interests at heart.

I mean, yeah, you don't want to be traumatizing your cat repeatedly and intentionally or anything, but there is no evidence that people are doing that. This is just internet chide-bait.
posted by ernielundquist at 2:44 PM on November 18, 2015 [36 favorites]


Cats try to startle people on purpose. Cats try to startle each other on purpose. A cat managing to perpetrate a visibly successful jump-scare is the domestic cat version of hitting a home run.

So I file this under "playing their own game with them."

Cats try to detect and subvert other cat's attempts to startle them. When that fails, cats try to pretend they weren't really startled and knew all along, because being startled is admitting the other cat/human bested them at the game.

Cats recognize when they got so properly played that they can't pretend their way out of it. Then they're all "Fine! I grudgingly concede that you won that round. It seems I may have underestimated your depths of cunning for such a large noisy oaf as yourself... but this battle is not over! Jerk."
posted by anonymisc at 2:49 PM on November 18, 2015 [47 favorites]


I really wonder about this idea of mammal hardwiring for snakes. It's a little strange because most snakes are harmless - a minority are poisonous - and in fact, having snakes around human populations can be a really good thing because they eat the same kinds of vermin that compete for grains and seeds. Meanwhile, there are many more dangerous animals and plants that people don't have a strong startle reflex for. I have never been afraid of snakes (more than any other thing that suddenly starts moving when you didn't know it was there) and despite having a healthy respect for rattlers and cottonmouths, don't get the willies or jump in the air when I run across one. And then, the places on the globe that the first domestic cats originated seem to have very few snakes, though they do exist. I guess I question that the idea that an evolutionary response to snakes is what's going on.
posted by Miko at 2:51 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I don't recall, but someone should test putting a cucumber behind the cat in a way that's perpendicular to it- so when they turn around they see the entire vegetable but it's not pointing at them head on. That can help validate the snake hypothesis.
posted by Apocryphon at 2:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


One of the funniest things I've ever seen is the combination of shock and affronted dignity on my cat's face as it realised it was just about to fall off the kitchen table.
posted by Paul Slade at 2:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


And then, the places on the globe that the first domestic cats originated seem to have very few snakes, though they do exist.

This statement, while not posing a question, seems to be offering an explanation for itself.
posted by Apocryphon at 2:54 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I can still pop out of closets and scare my girlfriend though, right?
posted by cmoj at 2:59 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I can't think of any snakes that look all that much like cucumbers. I'll bet they would be just as startled by a sandwich or an apple.

(I once had a cat who left me a giant pile of dead snakes outside my bedroom window, so I'm pretty sure fear of snakes is not a universal feature of cats.)
posted by ernielundquist at 3:02 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I really wonder about this idea of mammal hardwiring for snakes.

I'm deathly afraid of snakes and have a totally involuntary startle response even seeing one on TV, but it's because I grew up in an area with the big four (rattlers, water moccasins, copperheads, and even coral snakes). I loved animals and my mom was afraid I would try to befriend one of those, so she told me from a very young age that "we don't like snakes."

It was purely conditioning in my case, and it worked, and I'm afraid that this thread is going to end up making me afraid of cucumbers.
posted by mudpuppie at 3:06 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Did anyone else watch the squatty potty ad on that youtube video?

We talked about it here last month!
posted by asperity at 3:09 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I admit that I laughed when the video showed up in my Facebook feed, and I generally avoid prank videos of just about any kind.

I have two cats and considered trying this for about 5 seconds, then thought, "Nah... I'm not scare-my-cat-with-cucumbers-guy!" They are entertaining enough when left to their own devices that I don't need to throw anything else into the mix.

Plus I'm afraid my appropriately-named cat Pogo just might not come down from the ceiling after such a startle. The other night he was sleeping on his side next to me on the couch. He must have had a nightmare, because somehow he managed to suddenly jump sideways right into my lap before jumping off (leaving a few claw-pokes in thigh) and speeding through the house.

Cats.
posted by The Deej at 3:09 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


mudpuppie: It's a good practice to treat cucumbers with caution and respect, but there's no need to be irrationally afraid of all cucumbers! Remember: non-venomous cucumbers have a round head, while venomous cucumbers' heads have a more triangular shape.
posted by aubilenon at 3:11 PM on November 18, 2015 [29 favorites]


Our two are decidedly unimpressed with cucumbers or any other vegetables for that matter. However, it would seem that the natural enemy of the domesticated feline is the plastic bag of the grocery or garbage variety. Don't know if it's the sound of the crinkling plastic that gets to them, or maybe the wind blew one on them at some point and they got tangled up with it or something. But if there's a plastic bag around they go into instant ready-to-flee mode. I wonder if others have seen similar behavior in their kitties.
posted by metagnathous at 3:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


The only things our cats are really afraid of are the sounds of piles of cutlery mashing against each other and plastic bags. The dog, however, apparently had a very traumatic upbringing and is afraid of:

-rain
-wind
-most of the outdoors in general
-her leash
-towels
-brushes
-tennis balls
-treats
-the cat that hisses at her a lot

It might actually be quicker to list things she's not afraid of.
posted by backseatpilot at 3:17 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


wait I was under the impression that the entire purpose of pet cats is that they are like little crazy people that it is socially acceptable to laugh at
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:18 PM on November 18, 2015 [16 favorites]


> I can't think of any snakes that look all that much like cucumbers. I'll bet they would be just as startled by a sandwich or an apple

I actually tried this the other day, because my kids saw the cucumber thing and thought it was funny but I don't like cucumbers and we didn't have any in the house. So we put an enormous Pacific Rose apple behind the cats while they ate. The cats didn't care. They just didn't care.

Fortunately I live in Washington State and have access to many different kinds of apples, and can keep going. Jazz? Honeycrisp? Surely the Red Delicious is the most terrifying of apples -- if that doesn't get them, nothing will.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [20 favorites]


"Eventually she decided to jump up onto the furniture and suddenly, in mid-jump, there's a clear "OH SHIT I DIDN'T EXPECT SOCKS WHAT THE FUCK GET ME OUT OF HERE" panic."

My cat did this the night we came home with our first baby, he leapt up into the bassinet (that we'd been shooing him out of for a month) for a nap and realized mid-air that OH SHIT THERE'S A BABY IN HERE DO NOT WANT. Barely touched down before leaping out the other side and promptly disappearing under the couch for the next six months.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [26 favorites]


"entire purpose of pet cats is that they are like little crazy people that it is socially acceptable to laugh at"

You're thinking of toddlers.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:28 PM on November 18, 2015 [34 favorites]


My experience in the Ssscat thread leads me to believe that MetaFilter in general is not especially sensitive to feline stress.

i didn't see that thread but no, I'm not that sensitive to feline stress here. These cats all looked well cared for; so what if they get startled by a vegetable once for laughs? They'll move on with their lives, and get startled by all the regular stuff. I could be wrong but I don't think anyone is stalking their cats with the things or making a cucumber kitty house of horrors.
posted by Hoopo at 3:28 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


My cat's an asshole and I have no problem pranking him. However, he's also an inside/outside kitty, so I'd never do anything to dampen his flight response to snakes.
posted by echocollate at 3:33 PM on November 18, 2015


Guys guys guys. Did you look at the link in that story?

Here. That cat. That cat face. THAT CAPTION.
posted by eriko at 3:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


So, what if you taped a laser pointer to the cucumber?
posted by eriko at 3:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Nat Geo is owned by Rupert Murdoch. I question the humanity of this article.
posted by Chuffy at 3:43 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


If you really want to scare the absolute bejesus out of a cat, in my experience, go fly a kite.

but make sure the cat is very well tied up, otherwise he'll tear the shit out of the kite and plummet to his death
posted by pyramid termite at 3:49 PM on November 18, 2015 [9 favorites]


If you really want to scare the absolute bejesus out of a cat, in my experience, go fly a kite.

Two words: Dust Buster
posted by Chuffy at 3:56 PM on November 18, 2015


Catfish love cucumbers
posted by bad grammar at 4:04 PM on November 18, 2015


> Nat Geo is owned by Rupert Murdoch. I question the humanity of this article

More like Cat Geo is owned by Rupet Purrdoch, right? Totally not impartial.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:07 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


metagnathous:
"But if there's a plastic bag around they go into instant ready-to-flee mode. I wonder if others have seen similar behavior in their kitties."
Not exactly. I once had a cat that, if there was a plastic bag around, you could be 90% certain that she'd be inside of it.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:11 PM on November 18, 2015


> Two words: Dust Buster

Unless you have a deaf cat. Telephone (the cat, not the baby) loved being Dust Busted.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:12 PM on November 18, 2015


It’s also possible they may associate the green invader with snakes, which can be deadly predators, Goldman adds.

HOW. really, someone pls tell me how. how is a cat born in a cardboard box in a bensonhurst garage and that has lived indoors all its life and has never had a legitimate threat from nature or god or man other than "i have not been fed in the past 13 seconds" going to be mystically triggered into snakefear by a cucumber.

cats aren't even afraid of fire

FIRE
posted by poffin boffin at 4:19 PM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


So I file this under "playing their own game with them."

Yeah and not even games as far as they take them. Last night Cat1 suddenly leaned over and smacked Cat2 in the face. Cat1 thought it was a fun game. Cat2, not so much. A cucumber on the floor seems like nothing compared to being smacked in the face.

Goldman explains that the cucumbers are triggering the cats’ natural startle responses, since they “would not normally see cucumbers on the floor.”


I am always leaving bags of groceries on the floor (putting away, meh, can't be bothered). My cats would be more startled if there was nothing on the floor except furniture and rugs.
posted by kitten magic at 4:27 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


The "oh shit a snake!!!" reaction is apparently hard-wired deep in mammalian brains, at a level where even our fancy human neocortex with its fancy capacities for reasoning and language can't entirely suppress it.

I read once that captive-bred monkeys will show a fear response to a snake, even if they've never seen one. So yeah.

Oh, and rabbits are scared of bacon. Absolutely true. So I kinda sympathise with the cats.
posted by Leon at 4:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


My cat likes to bring mice into the house, deposit them, live, into her water dish, and watch them drown. I free the mice of course, but some mornings a corpse is floating there, cat standing nearby. If I scare Poncho Camera with a cucumber, I am doing it for the mice.
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 4:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [11 favorites]


Cats aren't even afraid of fire.
posted by valkane at 4:35 PM on November 18, 2015


mudpuppie: It's a good practice to treat cucumbers with caution and respect, but there's no need to be irrationally afraid of all cucumbers! Remember: non-venomous cucumbers have a round head, while venomous cucumbers' heads have a more triangular shape.

I have a cucumber with red and yellow stripes. Should I eat it?
posted by sebastienbailard at 4:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [18 favorites]


Are we sure they're scared and that it's not just someone walking across the control panel?

(PS. If your cat reacts to badly plastic bags, you may wanna double-check that it isn't a horse.)
posted by effbot at 4:45 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


I advocate for running vacuums after cats for hours a day

Ivor Cutler: "Nothing gets wasted 'round here!"
posted by ovvl at 4:57 PM on November 18, 2015


So, what if you taped a laser pointer to the cucumber?

That is the question, isn't it?

I would surmise that you (not, one is quick to assure, you qua you, that is, you the individual that is actually asking this question, but, rather, you the hypothetical you, idly wondering to him or her self (much as one might wonder what would, say, something called "Sardine L'Orange" actually taste like, without ever having any intention whatsoever of ever actually tasting something so labeled) this question) would find yourself painfully straddling that almost-imperceptible-but-absolutely-crucial line that separates madness from genius.
posted by Chitownfats at 5:07 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I've been reading this thread and Metafilter while lying on my bed.

One of my cats was curled up at the end of the bed.

I moved my foot to a different position.

Cat freaked, bounced up and off the bed. He then glared at me as saying 'WTF you do that for, you moved your foot!"

Maybe my foot looks like a cucumber...
posted by Jalliah at 5:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Stonestock Relentless:
"My cat likes to bring mice into the house, deposit them, live, into her water dish, and watch them drown."
Maybe it's just trying to make spa water?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:13 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Guys, don't scare your cats with cucumbers, please.

There are so many more creative options.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:16 PM on November 18, 2015 [13 favorites]


The best thing that can happen when I meet a new person is that they immediately say "I like pranks" and then we can happily go our separate ways and never meet again.

I love my cats. I try not to be a schmuck to them and I have no idea if scaring the shit out of them is harmful or not but, in the absence of giant stone tablets that say "PLEASE PRANK US, WE ARE OBLIGATE PRANKIVORES", I'm going to take the path of least prankfulness. This appears to result in three cats who are sweet, relatively well-behaved and their 'attack me' moments are few and far-between. They play well with each other and have their moments but we also have a lot of quiet cat-human moments that are truly precious.

They trust me. They trust me when we have to go that awful place they hate where people inject them and fill their noses with strange smells. They trust me when I have to grab them quickly because they're about to run into danger and I'm sprinting because I can see something they can't. They trust me when they're grumbling at each other and I pick one (or the other or both) up to relocate them and settle their grumble without them destroying anything in the process. I can surprise my cats to bring them into my arms and hold them without them trying to tear out my guts because I have never pulled a stunt like this or done anything intentionally to make them try and work out whether I'm their friend or I'm channeling the God of Stupid Videos.

The rest of you, feel free to exercise your hard-won 125th amendment right to prank your cat. I'll be over here with my cats. And you are not welcome near them.
posted by nfalkner at 5:28 PM on November 18, 2015 [23 favorites]


The best thing that can happen when I meet a new person is that they immediately say "I like pranks" and then we can happily go our separate ways and never meet again.

And they're all like "Yes! Hahaha! nfalkner totally fell for it!"
posted by aubilenon at 5:42 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Last night Cat1 suddenly leaned over and smacked Cat2 in the face. Cat1 thought it was a fun game. Cat2, not so much.

Sometimes my Cat1 will do that while Cat2 is in the middle of taking a dump. I'm pretty sure it's the rudest thing I've ever seen. On a scale from 0 to that, even microwaving fish at work is only like a 7.
posted by segfaultxr7 at 5:44 PM on November 18, 2015 [25 favorites]


It's all well and good to respect the power of the cucumber and be wary of its ability to frighten domestic cats for our simple amusement, but what about the potential for commercial applications of this plant-based motivational tool? For example, I am putting the finishing touches on a modest proposal to build a large buttered cat array as a climate-friendly form of city-to-city transportation. Strategically deploying cucumbers along these tracks could offer significant short and medium term improvements in speed, and has the potential to reduce intra-city transport times considerably. I sure don't want a bunch of nanny-staters telling me things like, "Oh, don't use cucumbers in your buttered cat array, mosk -- think of how much they will scare the animals!" when scaring the shit out of cats to make them go faster is exactly my intent. These are working beasts after all, not house pets, and you saw how efficiently those static cucumbers motivated otherwise typical cats to suddenly jump up and haul ass. I am counting on my cats' abilities to routinely move large, heavy cars filled with weary commuters on a schedules basis, just as working cats have always done. Any mechanical advantage I can extract along the way will only go towards providing better service to my (eventual) paying customers. If I can achieve an almost-free 15%-to-50% boost in output power just through the selective application of a widely available vegetable, well, I'd be a fool not to do so. Not only that, but my investors would have my head if I didn't use cucumbers as a means to improve feline propulsion. How do you think Elon Musk's Hyperloop works? You think linear induction motors and air compressors are doing all the heavy lifting on it? Oh, hells no! Trust me: the ONLY way that technology works is its core dynamo made up of of cats, buttered toast, and cucumbers. The future is cats, buttered toast, and cucumbers all the way down, people!
posted by mosk at 5:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


Cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cu- cuCUMBER GAMES!
posted by quinndexter at 5:50 PM on November 18, 2015


> red and yellow stripes
Side by side, or separated by green?
posted by hank at 5:51 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Maybe my foot looks like a cucumber...

When I get home from work, the first thing I do is change my clothes. This involves removing my cell phone from my pocket and tossing it on the bed, or the nightstand, or into the chair, or atop of a pile of laundry. My cats are the kind of cats who run to me instead of ignoring me, because they are awesome and they love me, so 99% of the time they are present for the changing of the clothes because, hey, we haven't seen each other for 10 hours and it's time to catch up.

Probably three days out of five, my skittish cat will jump onto the bed to greet me during the clothes-changing, see my phone (either on the bed, or the nightstand, or the chair, or the pile of laundry), and do the freaked-out backwards leap. It's the same phone, every night, but there you go.

Conclusion: Cell phones remind cats of snakes and they are therefore hardwired to be terrified of them.

(n=1)
posted by mudpuppie at 5:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


Right now I've got Cat 1, Cat 2 and Cat 3 on various parts of the bed. Cat 4 is on the window sill. Big Dog 1 is on the end of the bed. I'm reading and watching Netflix.

At some point, one of them is going to do something. I know it from experience when they bunch up like this. Do I do anything to stop it? Nope, it's too entertaining not to, even though I sometime get got in the crossfire.

(They aren't all mine. I like animals but would never have this many on purpose. There is also Cat 5, Big Dog 2 and Big Dog 3 around somewhere.)
posted by Jalliah at 5:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


I do everything I can to keep my cats happy but sometimes they just have to deal with a bit of fear. Otherwise I'd never vacuum ever and they would get crumbs stuck in their paws. It's not like I vacuum for fun. As I was frequently reminded growing up "life isn't meant to be easy" but it sure isn't bad for my darling furballs who have a house to themselves while I work and commute to keep a roof over our heads and an assortment of cat food in the cupboard.

Maybe it's not so much fear of the vacuum cleaner but guilt at not taking my 'hey kitties, here's the vacuum monster, maybe you could tidy up when I'm at work?' seriously? Could the cucumbers be a 'hey kitties, maybe you could make dinner' hint?
posted by kitten magic at 5:54 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


If your cat reacts to badly plastic bags, you may wanna double-check that it isn't a horse.

Argh, it all fits! The hooves, the rumination, the vet constantly telling me it's a horse - all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place!
posted by um at 5:57 PM on November 18, 2015 [12 favorites]


> I love my cats.

My cat brings me internal organs and places them in the path between the bed and the bathroom. There's something worse than stepping on scattered children's toys in the middle of the night.

Once, I wondered what she did with the heads, because those would be hard to eat. I found out...
posted by I-Write-Essays at 6:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


After much thought, I'm combining my previous hypotheses, and concluding that cats actually arent' scared of cucumbers, it's just that all cucumbers are haunted. Which explains a lot about cucumbers, limp vile tasteless things that they are. Pickling removes the ghosts, rendering them crunchy and delicious.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 6:15 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


I never used to care much for cats. My wife's cat got fat one time and I even asked metafilter how to help skinny her up (and earned myself a terrible internet tongue-lashing from the cat police).

Years have now passed and I have a relationship with this cat that is utterly unique in my experience as a hairless ape. I've got a dog, I've got friends, I've got the love of my life, but I don't have anyone that's precisely like Lucy. I need this cat in my life. She's the perfect balance of tyrannical codependency and non-ironic derision. She is a fusion of love and hate. Attraction and repulsion.

I need this silly old cat in my life. She's my grimalkin. She vexes my many nemeses.

And when I first saw the cucumber video I immediately thought, "Those cats are afraid because they think that's a snake behind them. That's a shitty, shitty thing to do to a cat."

So, for perhaps the first time in my adult life, I am completely on the side of the "Debby Downers" who say this is dumb, unfunny and kind of mean. It's like pointing a fake gun at somebody's head while they're eating lunch, so when the turn around they see the barrel pointed in their face.
It's not funny. I don't like it. And I guess I'm on the side of the haters.

Leave the kitties alone.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:17 PM on November 18, 2015 [14 favorites]


They may look like just cute lovable kitties, but they're really psychotic serial killers who decorate their/your rooms with the blood of their victims. Don't be fooled!
posted by I-Write-Essays at 6:21 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


I have not yet seen a plausible explanation for the cat/cucumber effect. I demand a research study involving a carrot control group.
posted by latkes at 6:23 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


Last night Cat1 suddenly leaned over and smacked Cat2 in the face.

Cats are dicks. It is a scientific fact.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:26 PM on November 18, 2015


(PS. If your cat reacts to badly plastic bags, you may wanna double-check that it isn't a horse.)

PAPER PLASTIC OR HORSE I ALWAYS PICK HORSE
posted by krinklyfig at 6:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I bet you wouldn't do that to a lion.
posted by Annika Cicada at 6:36 PM on November 18, 2015


My two cats are also terrified of crinkling plastic bags. One more than the other — and she did have a traumatic incident where she got her tail tied up in the ribbon attached to a mylar helium balloon, which "chased" her all around the house with its awful crinkling until she managed to get free of it.

However, I wish I had a cucumber right now, because these poor indoor cats deserve all the stimulation they can get, and I feel like there ought to be some entertainment bonus for every so many cat vomits one deals with.
posted by mubba at 6:37 PM on November 18, 2015


>>"My cat likes to bring mice into the house, deposit them, live, into her water dish, and watch them drown."

> Maybe it's just trying to make spa water?


At Cat Whole Foods, I bet they'd try to sell artisan mousewater (which is of course just ordinary tap water with a few mice floating in it) for six bucks a bottle.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 6:52 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


My cat eats plastic bags, in a creepy compulsive way, and much to her gastrointestinal detriment. ):
posted by latkes at 6:54 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


(also though I have to admit that one reason why I tend to believe the hypothesis that mammals are wired to loathe snakes is because the authors of Genesis thought that fear of snakes was such an important part of the human experience that they had to put a long and detailed explanation for it into one of their creation myths - I'm thinking especially of the bit where the creator god responds to the perfidy of the serpent by saying that the descendants of Eve would forever be bruising their heels against the heads of snakes while stomping them flat.)

Is "and here's an explanation of why we hate snakes so much" something that tends to show up in creation myths on the whole, or is it just something in this particular creation myth?
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 6:57 PM on November 18, 2015


I'm not going to vouch for its content, but the Wikipedia article on Snake Worship says, "The worship of serpent deities is present in several old cultures, particularly in religion and mythology, where snakes were seen as entities of strength and renewal." And that fits with my understanding, that many other religions revere rather than fear snakes.
posted by jaguar at 7:03 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


*Pulls up “A Labracadbrador” by Ned G from a few weeks ago.*

*Ctrl+F 'Jerkface'*
0 results found

Hmmmmmm.
posted by ob1quixote at 7:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


A fairly lazy degree of Googling convinces me that human fear of snakes is conditioned, not innate. Making me think it more likely that cucumber = cellphone, not cucumber=snake.
posted by Miko at 7:16 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


That article very much reminded me of one of those tv news segments featuring scantily clad women all the while decrying the appearance of said women and the decline of public morals. They made certain to supply us with a highlight reel of said badly behaving humans hilariously scaring the shit out of their cats.
posted by Bovine Love at 7:29 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I thought the Christian anti-snake thing was all about crushing sexuality and earth-based spiritual practices.
posted by latkes at 7:33 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


You know who else would not normally see cucumbers on the floor?

Hitler?
posted by maxsparber at 8:01 PM on November 18, 2015 [7 favorites]


It can't have been that lazy Miko, because the first link on Google for "fear of snakes" links to a wikipedia page that says scientists suggest the fear is evolutionary and links a paper that claims that fear of snakes and spiders is evolutionary.
posted by Bobicus at 8:17 PM on November 18, 2015


She's the perfect balance of tyrannical codependency and non-ironic derision. She is a fusion of love and hate. Attraction and repulsion.

Saving this for future wedding vows
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:26 PM on November 18, 2015 [17 favorites]


I tried to start a trend of putting cucumbers into the cribs of sleeping babies and filming their reactions when they wake up and there's a cucumber there but it was a waste of time, they were all just waking up and being bleating useless flailing sacks of powdered meat same as always.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


MetaFilter: it seemed more like a brainstem response than anything he actually wanted to do.
posted by straight at 8:54 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


I like to occasionally make sure our feline is at peak readiness in case we have to fight zombies together, but more through chasing. I'm the Cato to her Clousau.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:58 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


I believe it was Valentine Michael Smoochikins who taught us that what we call humor is just another kitty's pain.
posted by rokusan at 9:12 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Me and my buddies have conducted this experiment on my roomate's cat several times this week: 5 times with a cucumber, and 3 times with a very realistic plastic snake (my roomate is way overprotective of her cat, so we have to wait until she goes to work).

Interestingly, the faux snake elicits absolutely no response at all from Mr. Fluffkins, but the cucumber hilariously sends the animal SPROINGING in abject terror six feet straight into the air every single time.

So I don't think that cats are mistaking cucumbers for snakes or whatever, cats are just stupid and afraid of everything which is probably where the term "scaredy cat" comes from. YHBT.
posted by johnnyace at 9:15 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


I say we test the snake theory with rubber snakes.

Or a succession of varyingly snakelike objects:
Socks
Crowbars
Twisting-balloons
Carrots
Sausages
Dildos
Baguettes
Prank peanut-can spring-snakes (uncompressed)
Prank peanut-can spring-snakes (compressed)
Draft dogs
Puppets
Lengths of garden hose
Snakes
Pepperoni
Breadsticks

You get the idea.

Another series of tests could be performed on a succession of smooth, green objects.
That list is left as an exercise for the reader.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:19 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


On preview, serendipitously ill-timed.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:20 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: the perfect balance of tyrannical codependency and non-ironic derision.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:37 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


This is Just to Say

I have frightened
The cat
That was scared
of cucumbers

And which
You were probably
Watching
On YouTube

Forgive me
It was hilarious
So cute
But so cruel
posted by ilana at 9:50 PM on November 18, 2015 [6 favorites]


I had a stuffed toy cat in my bed that my real cat used to snuggle with until I somehow kicked it down to the foot of the bed. It remained there for a couple of weeks marinating in my foot sweat, which apparently has the magical power to bring stuffed animals to life and make them very antagonistic toward real cats. Once I finally got around to rescuing the toy cat from its blanket prison, my real cat became completely fucking terrified of it and would hiss and run if he so much as glanced it.

The upside was that I was finally able to stop him from waking me up scratching at the door by putting the toy cat in front on guard duty. He wouldn't voluntarily go within 10 feet of it.

I eventually felt badly about it and put the toy away permanently, but yeah, cats are weird.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:57 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


Or a succession of varyingly snakelike objects:
Socks


The socks that scared Bergamot were folded up and weren't shaped like a cucumber or like a snake. More like a smallish eggplant or perhaps a potato than to a cucumber. Definitely something in the nightshade family.
posted by aubilenon at 10:02 PM on November 18, 2015 [3 favorites]


Guys guys guys. Did you look at the link in that story?

Here. That cat. That cat face. THAT CAPTION.


Judging by its expression, that cat understands people at least as well as I do.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:04 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


We may well have reached Peak MetaFilter with this thread.
posted by yhbc at 10:34 PM on November 18, 2015 [10 favorites]


And I typed that before I even noticed the plum poem has now been added to the mix.
posted by yhbc at 10:35 PM on November 18, 2015 [8 favorites]


> We may well have reached Peak MetaFilter with this thread.

Nope, not until we begin arguing about circumcising declawed cucumbers in West Bank settlements.
posted by mosk at 10:48 PM on November 18, 2015 [4 favorites]


If you look at the video that's embedded in the story (at least), only some of the cats are scared of the cucumber. Some seem curious and one or two wants to eat it. A few can't bothered at all.

It's like someone read this thread *then* made the video.
posted by alex_skazat at 11:36 PM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]


Interestingly, the faux snake elicits absolutely no response at all from Mr. Fluffkins, but the cucumber hilariously sends the animal SPROINGING in abject terror six feet straight into the air every single time.

Oh but don't you see this just means that the cucumber is obviously a supernormal stimulus for snakes-- to a cat a cucumber is more "snakey" than an actual snake.
posted by Pyry at 11:40 PM on November 18, 2015 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: bleating useless flailing sacks of powdered meat
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:46 PM on November 18, 2015 [5 favorites]


The socks that scared Bergamot were folded up

Poised to strike
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:48 AM on November 19, 2015 [8 favorites]


every like once a semester, my old kitty will decide that it's time to start eating student papers. there's no fear, but there's almost an anger, the way she'll grab onto a corner and start tearing out hunks with the toss of her head.

my SO's theory is that the cat is jealous, because i'm one of those instructors who will grade in bed and then fall asleep on the papers.

i think really the cat (may she live until the end of days) is picking up thoughts in my head like WHY ARE THERE MISSPELLED WORDS IN THIS COLLEGE PAPER I MEAN SPELL CHECK FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU

and as far as fear, this cat just survived an impacted colon, which resulted in the vet manually pulling rock-hard poops out of her colon, and i think, given that, she has no need of fear of cucumber/snake death
posted by angrycat at 1:15 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]


i think really the cat (may she live until the end of days) is picking up thoughts in my head like WHY ARE THERE MISSPELLED WORDS IN THIS COLLEGE PAPER I MEAN SPELL CHECK FUCK YOU AND YOU AND YOU

Well done! Nicely spellchecked, you get a gold star!

And ... coming to the next student's paper. Corners slightly foxed catted. Not spellchecked. You do not get a gold star. What you get, is, in fact, rock-hard.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:31 AM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]


You guys are all missing the sequels to those videos, where the tormentors of those cats wake up from a sound sleep to find a dead mouse placed on the pillow right next to their heads.

Then it twitches, and they jump three feet in the air screaming. OK, so maybe not completely dead, then.

Now that's some quality entertainment. Thanks, Internet!
posted by panglos at 3:13 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


My cat tried to eat the cucumber.

That's all.
posted by Captain Fetid at 3:52 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Well, if cucumber pranking the cat is so upsetting to some, I'd best never admit to hiding behind a door to "Boo" my wife. And those peek-a-boo games with babies, surely those are akin to a crime against humanity!
posted by five fresh fish at 4:04 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


“If you cause stress to an animal that's probably not a good thing,” says Jill Goldman, a certified animal behaviorist in southern California. “If you do it for laughs it makes me question your humanity.”

Not sure on where the video falls on the moral spectrum but loving that video is undoubtedly not the only thing that would make her doubt my humanity.

That said, once you've gotten the gist from the video I don't really think anyone needs to recreate it. You pretty much have established what you're going to get.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:40 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Pretty sure cats are color blind, so the "greenness" of the cucumber shouldn't make much of a difference.

Interesting though, that one of the "cat behavior experts" specifically mentioned that cats might be responding to similarities to a green snake.

Now I'm just curious if a yellow squash would do the trick.
posted by forkisbetter at 4:45 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


I tried to start a trend of putting cucumbers into the cribs of sleeping babies and filming their reactions when they wake up and there's a cucumber there but it was a waste of time, they were all just waking up and being bleating useless flailing sacks of powdered meat same as always.

I picture this text on the inside of a 'congratulations on your new baby' greeting card; preferably on with a fuzzy picture of a beautiful sleeping baby and gold script 'Congratulations on your new miracle...' on the cover.

And furthermore, for the hell of it:
Metafilter: bleating useless flailing sacks of powdered meat same as always
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:46 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]


Cats don't see colors the way we do, but they can distinguish between many of them.
posted by tofu_crouton at 4:56 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


As a dog person, I don't really have much experience with cats. But, one of the things that I love about dogs is how you can play pranks like this on them and they think it's fun!

“If you do it for laughs it makes me question your humanity.”
I don't think that harmless pranks on your pets are an issue and I think that's what makes that statement seem so extreme. But it sounds like this prank, in particular, works on some instincts that push this prank into out of "harmless prank" zone. You know your cat better than a cat behaviorist on the internet so you'd know better than anyone if playing this prank on your cat is a bad idea or not.

Like, in general it would be a bad idea to start launching fireworks to get dogs to go crazy but my dog has never reacted to fireworks going off. But any men she doesn't know who are carrying bags are for some reason* an imminent threat.

*That reason is a weird gap in our socializing of her as a puppy
posted by VTX at 5:53 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


For the first two or three weeks after I get back from fieldwork in the rainforest - where there is a panoply of snakes, from big obvious forest cobras to small vaguely camouflaged green mambas to giant, impeccably camouflaged Gaboon and rhinoceros vipers - it takes me a while to recalibrate my Snake! search pattern and response for life in Ohio. Things I have jumped out of my skin at include:

Branches on the ground
Waving branches in trees
Electrical cords and wires
My cats' tails
Empty soda bottles on the ground
A sweatshirt being tossed across the room

Fortunately, nobody's sprung a cucumber on me, unsuspecting. Who could say how I'd react??
posted by ChuraChura at 6:01 AM on November 19, 2015 [6 favorites]


Slate's got their "editorial assistant" on this trend, so it's all good!
posted by blucevalo at 6:10 AM on November 19, 2015


So this is what National Geographic looks like after the Murdoch buyout.
posted by slogger at 6:13 AM on November 19, 2015


I was once at a friend's house, stood in her garden chatting, and one of her cats silently came up behind me and sat right behind my feet. When I stepped back, I narrowly avoided both tripping over and stepping on the cat. She looked at my friend with a did you see what the mean lady just did to me, your precious baby and at me like i will end you.

Anyway, I never recovered from the trauma, and cats deserve all the frightening they get*.


*only kidding, I love the little blighters and if I wasn't so damned allergic would have seven of them
posted by greenish at 6:15 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Also works with courgettes.
posted by chrismear at 6:22 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


I'm just glad that there at least seems to be a vaguely plausible explanation (cucumber invokes a fear response targeted at snakes) because the last time cats jumping at cucumbers came up on the Blue, I was very, very mystified.

(I know that it's only a plausible explanation and possibly impossible to test using anything approaching the scientific method, for one thing how would you get the funding to pay your graduate student handling the cucumbers and the cats, but I have as much right to believe any plausible-sounding explanation as the true cause behind a phenomenon and go on with my life.

...that sounded better in my head.)
posted by seyirci at 7:42 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm not going to vouch for its content, but the Wikipedia article on Snake Worship says, "The worship of serpent deities is present in several old cultures, particularly in religion and mythology, where snakes were seen as entities of strength and renewal." And that fits with my understanding, that many other religions revere rather than fear snakes.

Not claiming expertise or, well, anything else, but especially in 'dem days, I'm pretty sure "fear" and "reverence" were more synonyms than antonyms.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:54 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Being able to recognize things as snakes is really important for primates (I can't speak for cats).

There are a lot of predators that my monkeys interact with maybe a few times a week - eagles and big cats - and some predators that my monkeys interact with more rarely, like chimpanzees and humans - but we see snakes just about once a day when I'm in the forest, and the monkeys will alarm call in response to the big, well camouflaged snakes about three or four times a week. When that happens, everyone mobs the snake - they come and stare at it and shriek until it slithers off somewhere else. Being good at spotting snakes is important regardless of where you're traveling and foraging - even in the trees there are a lot of excellently camouflaged snakes (I have a friend who got bitten when he tried to snap a branch in half, except it was actually a snake) and they will bite you or your offspring if you startle them (and eat you, if they're one of the bigger snakes and you're one of the smaller monkeys).

There's a lot of really interesting research on the cognitive stuff going on behind alarm calls that primates are making - when visual cues are important, when you're just responding to someone else's alarm calls, and at what stage in development you become a reliable alarm caller. Baby mangabeys are notorious for alarm calling because of branches, and people don't pay nearly as much attention to their calls.

Anyway, it's quite likely that our snake aversion is related to ancestral monkeys who had similar snake aversions, though it likely manifested in less sophisticated ways 30 million years ago when our ancestors split off from the ancestors of Old World Monkeys.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:28 AM on November 19, 2015 [10 favorites]


Well, if cucumber pranking the cat is so upsetting to some, I'd best never admit to hiding behind a door to "Boo" my wife. And those peek-a-boo games with babies, surely those are akin to a crime against humanity

Nothing like good ol' hyperbole to deflect criticism.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:49 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


i just did it the other way

i put the cucumber down first and then sprinkled kibble on it

so all three cats came running to the cucumber and batted it around to eat the food

in this way i am training them to be better killers
posted by Greg Nog at 8:55 AM on November 19, 2015 [9 favorites]


Next comes the super funny video of a cucumber-wielding human's startled reaction when they lie down in bed later in a semi-dried spot of cat revenge-piss. HAHA!!! Lookit that guy leap out of bed! The look on his face! Priceless.
posted by aught at 8:57 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Philosopher John Morreall theorizes that human laughter may have its biological origins as a kind of shared expression of relief at the passing of danger.

So, early human guy sees a sabertooth tiger hiding behind a bush that is about eat him, realizes that it is, in fact, just a rock shaped like a sabertooth tiger, and laughs in relief. Sometimes a group of people will laugh after a near miss from something really dangerous.

This kind of practical joke could then have derived from people purposefully putting a rock shaped like a sabertooth tiger so that they can both laugh together when their victim sees it.

So cats are probably a bad pet to play this kind of trick on unless they have the right personality. A dog, on the other hand, probably gets startled putting them in an excited state. Then their human starts laughing at them so the dog will think, "I am very excited, my human is very excited, happy, and paying attention to me. Therefore I am also excited and happy and will now show some affection towards my human. My human is the best!"
posted by VTX at 9:16 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


According to this, cats are basically red/green color blind, that is to say they see color but have trouble distinguishing red and green from one another. So a cat sees something that might be a red snakey shape, or a green snakey shape that unexpectedly appeared silently behind them.

When you consider that cats were likely first domesticated in Egypt, Cyprus, or other Mediterranean regions where there are lots of poisonous snakes, it makes sense that some amount of instinctive alarm would be a good survival trait. Sort of like humans are instinctively wary whenever a plane or large bird flies overhead and casts a shadow, possibly because human ancestors were prey for eagles at some point (Radiolab recently talked about this; see this episode at about the 12:45 mark).
posted by tempestuoso at 9:40 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Fortunately, nobody's sprung a cucumber on me, unsuspecting. Who could say how I'd react??

I'd be willing to watch it on Youtube
posted by Hoopo at 9:53 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


Cats would do the same to us given the chance.
posted by bgal81 at 10:47 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


Sort of like humans are instinctively wary whenever a plane or large bird flies overhead and casts a shadow, possibly because human ancestors were prey for eagles at some point

last winter, maybe the one before, there was a construction site near my office that had a substantial part of its exposed window bits covered with a huge tarp that began rattling and snapping in a really ominously overhead swooping sort of way 20 stories above the ground and everyone walking by was really visibly nervous and cringey about it and my conclusion was that dragons were definitely real at some point and we all know it deep down inside.
posted by poffin boffin at 11:04 AM on November 19, 2015 [12 favorites]


my conclusion was that dragons were definitely real at some point and we all know it deep down inside

You should have mounted a remote-controlled flame jet on the site for extra verisimilitude and gained some extremely valuable data toward your thesis!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:20 AM on November 19, 2015


> Don't try this at home: It's probably not a good idea to surprise your cat, experts warn.

Possibly my favorite caption I've ever seen - It needs a reverse caption contest, where we put photos to it. That being said, I'd think that "surprising vicious predators with sharp claws and unpredictable personalities" falls into the realm of ideas that are generally not accepted as good.

Having lived with cats forever of all demeanors, and presently living with three cats and one dog - I do not think it is possible to avoid surprising cats from time to time, no matter what your intentions may be. Just the other day, my youngest cat suddenly freaked out at my beard while I had been holding him for a few minutes, sproinging away and across the house, leaving nice red gouges in me, only to face-plant into a window. He seems to do this with pretty much anything - The other cats (who may or may not be asleep,) spare change, shoes, doorknobs, his food bowl, his own tail - You name it, it's scared him just by suddenly existing. His reaction is either the vertical leap, some crazy backflip, or simply running face first into a wall or another object, careening around bouncing off of things until he is either dizzy or exhausted. This is the same cat that will jump on my desk or in my lap, and suddenly look straight into my eyes, wide eyed, ears back, and trembling as if to say "Oh shit, It's you!" and start flailing uncontrollably until friction makes him go somewhere other than where he is. No need to test the cucumber thing -- it would play out precisely like anything else.

Our next youngest investigates the world around it primarily by whapping it. It's her first reaction. Where most cats would sniff around, or peer around trying to get a better view, she performs a few "whap tests," no matter what the object may be. It's something I can't help but find amusing, so if I get a new object in the house that doesn't have a sharp edge on it, I always let her check it out first. 100% of the time you will get at least three whaps. New clothes? Whap. Any food item? Whap. I've had to make sure to put all pocket knifes into a drawer immediately upon being done using them, or else she will whap them all around the house.

Cats are strange, strange critters. It's an unusual adaptation, to say the least, to have a creature with predatory instincts, and one that apparently hallucinates based on every cat ever, that we willingly take on as a pet. I think the craziness is why we like them - They bring an element of chaos and unpredictability to our lives.

I will own up to the fact that I like to see how the cats react to things, because it's so unbelievably unpredictable and across the board.... but I do this by either leaving something for them to discover in the wide open, or presenting it to them with full awareness on their part. I don't really care to intentionally surprise them (it's easy enough to do by accident) - especially when they are eating, or in a similar "sacred" scenario. Messing with ANY animal when it's eating is just an assholish thing to do -- even if they are the type that would try to whap your food away from you while you are eating, just to see how it reacts.

Leaving random cucumbers on the ground when they aren't eating, for them to discover on their own? Totally fair game. Presenting the cucumber? Not just a great phrase when devoid of context, also totally acceptable. Sneaking it behind them? I'd argue that it's a total failure at being a cat if you can actually get away with sneaking anything behind it, but also a very shitty thing to do... and outside of just being shitty, the last thing you want to do is to create or exacerbate any food issues with a pet.
posted by MysticMCJ at 12:56 PM on November 19, 2015 [8 favorites]


Sort of like humans are instinctively wary whenever a plane or large bird flies overhead and casts a shadow, possibly because human ancestors were prey for eagles at some point

explanations like this always seem like they ignored Occam's Razor. If I'm feeling uneasy at a strange shadow from above, would it not be an easier explanation to say I'm uneasy because it's a cue something large from above might be about to fall on me? Why's it gotta be a predator? wouldn't a rock or tree branch be just as much of a threat? I'm feeling the same way about the "cats might think it's a snake!" claim. Is there anything to support this theory? I've been around cats most of my life and never knew one to be afraid of snakes. In fact my money is on any cat I've lived with stalking and attacking a snake given the opportunity, just like they did with birds, mice, dogs large and small, insects, frogs, and other cats.
posted by Hoopo at 3:56 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]


I don't think that harmless pranks on your pets are an issue and I think that's what makes that statement seem so extreme. But it sounds like this prank, in particular, works on some instincts that push this prank into out of "harmless prank" zone. You know your cat better than a cat behaviorist on the internet so you'd know better than anyone if playing this prank on your cat is a bad idea or not.

Yep! I have two cats. Cat One is scared of everything, and seems to be actually upset when he gets startled - which is several times a day, since walking in his general direction when he was not expecting you to is apparently terrifying. He'll also hide for a couple hours if he gets a bad scare (like a loud noise caused by the Cat Two, or sometimes when he accidentally rolls off of the bed). I would not try to startle him, it would be mean.

Cat Two isn't scared of anything. She didn't exactly like it when a visiting toddler screamed "kitty" at maximum volume and sprinted right at her, but she also didn't hide. She enjoys knocking objects off of tables, and seems to be especially pleased when it causes a loud crash. I would totally try to startle her - it would be entertaining and not mean at all.

Note to self: buy cucumber on the way home today.
posted by insectosaurus at 4:55 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Are we still allowed to give our dogs lemons?
posted by gucci mane at 5:12 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Sort of like humans are instinctively wary whenever a plane or large bird flies overhead and casts a shadow, possibly because human ancestors were prey for eagles at some point


While several smaller raptorial birds will attack humans if they come too close to the nesting site, usually these have minor consequences for the human victim. Mother crowned eagles, in the post-fledging stage, readily attack any human who comes close to the nest; adult males may also attack humans before fledging but only do so rarely.[21] Despite the size and power of the eagle, attacks by the eagles may have minor consequences as well since the attacks are meant only to displace and not kill or seriously maim the intruding animal. However, nest-defense attacks may nonetheless possibly result in deep, painful, open wounds, which can lead to risk of infection or the need for stitches. Reportedly, injury such an attack can be prevented by jabbing the eagle gently with a large stick.[21] The crowned eagle is perhaps the only extant raptorial bird which has been believed to attack human children as prey. In one case, a 7-year-old boy, of a weight of approximately 20 kg (44 lb), was ambushed by a crowned eagle, who gouged its talons through the boy’s throat and chest. The attack was ended by a woman who came upon them and rescued the child by bludgeoning the eagle to death with a hoe.[34] In another case, the skull of a human child was found in the nest of a crowned eagle pair.[34] In yet another instance, when assisting in the investigation of the disappearance of a four-year-old girl, Simon Thomsett came to believe she was the victim of a crowned eagle after the severed arm of a child was found in a tall tree that was inaccessible to leopards and known to be used as a crowned eagle cache.[17] One other living eagle, the white-tailed eagle (Haliaeetus albicilla), has been confirmed to take a human child in an isolated, possible predation attempt, a four-year-old girl in Sweden. Unlike in crowned eagle attacks, the white-tailed eagle actually carried off the little girl in flight to its eyrie but the child escaped unharmed after having been dropped by the eagle to a ledge 16 m (52 ft) below the nest.[80] In the famed Taung deposit in South Africa, a skull from a child Australopithecus africanus, a possible ancestors of human beings, led to considerable speculation. Ultimately referred to as the Taung Child and estimated to weigh 9 to 11 kg (20 to 24 lb), the child became the type specimen for its species. The child appeared to have died from a clean row of piercing to its skull. Scholarly examination of the piercings has led scientists to believe that the specimen was seemingly killed by an eagle, of which the crowned eagle is the most likely candidate.[81][82] This predatory relationship has led to much hypothesizing as to whether Stephanoaetus eagles may have partially shaped human evolution, due to small early primate ancestors having evolved towards larger body sizes and larger brains to reduce the probability of eagle predation.[17][50][81]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowned_eagle


Nice photo of skull, showing talon holes
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:06 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]


I think what needs to happen next is some experimentation. First thing: oranges. Because I'm pretty sure we'd discover the snake hypothesis is a wash. Then bananas, just because 'nanas are silly. And then... um, a handful of frozen peas. Or a slice of toast, buttered.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:02 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]


Yes! A lot of those comparative crowned hawk eagle studies were done at my field site - we collect any primate skeletons we find in the forest, and a few years back we got tree climbers to go raid the nests while the eagles were off hunting and bring down any skeletal material left in the there, plus they cleaned up the area under the nest's tree. You can analyze the bones to look at damage, and once they had a good enough body of eagle damage to compare with the Taung Child, they were able to show that it is very similar and so probably on the savannas of South Africa, there were eagles swooping around picking off toddler australopithecines! And that's only about 3ish million years ago! When I'm not on my phone, I'll pay a picture of a monkey skull I picked up which has been eaten by an eagle!
posted by ChuraChura at 5:53 AM on November 20, 2015 [10 favorites]


Most places on the internet start off talking about something serious that devolves into cat videos. Only here do we start with cats and end with archaeology.

I love you, Metafilter.
posted by VTX at 6:16 AM on November 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


Eagle damage!
posted by ChuraChura at 7:21 AM on November 20, 2015 [8 favorites]


Now I'm gonna be side-eyeing all the hawks around here...
posted by jaguar at 7:22 AM on November 20, 2015


Finnish cats, however, are cool (as cucumbers?) with cucumbers.
posted by sively at 8:19 AM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Neuroscientists with cucumbers?
posted by RedOrGreen at 10:05 AM on November 20, 2015 [6 favorites]


Never mind me, I'm not doing anything here, pay no attention I am harmless

/whistles casually
posted by rtha at 10:22 AM on November 20, 2015 [3 favorites]


Interesting counter result, sively! Those Finnish cats don't give a fig about cucumbers.
posted by Kevin Street at 2:00 PM on November 20, 2015


Neuroscientists with cucumbers?

That freezer climb at around 0:30 was pretty impressive. Is she afraid of mice, maybe? Or actually a cat?
posted by effbot at 4:04 PM on November 21, 2015 [2 favorites]




The intrepid reporters at Breaking Cat News are following the story.
posted by jeather at 5:57 AM on November 30, 2015 [3 favorites]


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