Til Death Do Us Blart
November 26, 2015 7:52 AM Subscribe
From the Brothers McElroy and The Worst Idea of All Time comes a new holiday tradition: Til Death Do Us Blart. Every American Thanksgiving, from now until the end of linear time, the five hosts (and their cursed successors) will watch and review Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. An eternal pocast, released annually. The first episode is now available.
That gives a new meaning to 'not spoiling.'
posted by y2karl at 8:46 AM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by y2karl at 8:46 AM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
I won't spoil it for you.
I believe the whole enterprise was spoiled from the beginning, but your consideration is appreciated nonetheless.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:51 AM on November 26, 2015 [5 favorites]
I believe the whole enterprise was spoiled from the beginning, but your consideration is appreciated nonetheless.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:51 AM on November 26, 2015 [5 favorites]
I'm 18 minutes in and they've already mentioned Chekhov twice. Who knows what the next 70 minutes hold!
posted by neushoorn at 9:29 AM on November 26, 2015
posted by neushoorn at 9:29 AM on November 26, 2015
What if you don't believe in linear time? In the multiverse we don't watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop, at all.
posted by Splunge at 9:33 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Splunge at 9:33 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
In the multiverse we don't watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop, at all.
You lucky, lucky bastards.
posted by briank at 9:36 AM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
You lucky, lucky bastards.
posted by briank at 9:36 AM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
Okay fine I'll spoil it. Paul gets kicked by a horse. Possibly a horse who was mad for renting Mall Cop 1
posted by ian1977 at 9:37 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ian1977 at 9:37 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'll watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on Thanksgiving when you pry the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon from my cold, dead, greasy hands.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 9:52 AM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 9:52 AM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'd love to see a RiffTrax made of MST3K: The Movie.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:04 AM on November 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:04 AM on November 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
I like to get 2-4 episodes of a podcast cued before I watch it. Maybe i can get cortex or pb to reopen this in 2020 so I can comment.
In the multiverse we don't watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop, at all.
In the Singularity, we are watching everything all the time. Yes, this means every frame of PB:MC II in every instance of time. Fortunately, there are other things to watch, too.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:14 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
In the multiverse we don't watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop, at all.
In the Singularity, we are watching everything all the time. Yes, this means every frame of PB:MC II in every instance of time. Fortunately, there are other things to watch, too.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:14 AM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was in an elevator recently with two darling older women from the midwest, one of whom was relating the plot of Paul Blart 2 in her thick accent: "He thinks he's hot crap, but he's a mall cop!" I wish I could watch Paul Blart 2 with them.
posted by duffell at 10:59 AM on November 26, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by duffell at 10:59 AM on November 26, 2015 [9 favorites]
The only Blockbuster left in the world is in Night Vale, and all it contains are thousands of copies of this movie.
posted by mhoye at 11:54 AM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 11:54 AM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
I didn't watch the movie but listened to this podcast. It was very entertaining.
Also makes me realise the insanity of our systems of human organisation.
I'm sure I've seen improv done by a small group of people above a pub with a few years training which was funnier and more human than Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. But think how many people and dollars were put into making that movie. And how much money they made.
posted by Erberus at 1:32 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also makes me realise the insanity of our systems of human organisation.
I'm sure I've seen improv done by a small group of people above a pub with a few years training which was funnier and more human than Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. But think how many people and dollars were put into making that movie. And how much money they made.
posted by Erberus at 1:32 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
PB:MC II
I believe "B2" is the preferred nomenclature.
posted by rhizome at 1:36 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I believe "B2" is the preferred nomenclature.
posted by rhizome at 1:36 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I will listen to anything any McElroy has ever done, ever, and this was pretty funny and charming (as their stuff usually is), but hands-down my favorite part is still the sheer INSANITY of making a blood pact to watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 once a year for the rest of their lives. That's going to be the funniest part of the show no matter how to good it is.
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:09 PM on November 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:09 PM on November 26, 2015 [6 favorites]
Erberus> I didn't watch the movie bu
I stopped reading after the part where you shamefully admit to not having watched the movie.
I assume that the rest of your comment was an apology for not having watched the movie and a promise that you would immediately buy the movie in some format and watch it before listening to the podcast.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 5:00 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I stopped reading after the part where you shamefully admit to not having watched the movie.
I assume that the rest of your comment was an apology for not having watched the movie and a promise that you would immediately buy the movie in some format and watch it before listening to the podcast.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 5:00 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
There has been talk of remaking Jean Luc-Godard's Alphaville. Internet commenters suggest the idea of having the protagonist be a thinly-veiled James Bond.
These internet commenters are idiots. The obvious choice would be to have Kevin James play the lead as a thinly-veiled Paul Blart. If he can take on art thieves with the panache on display in Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, then a villainous supercomputer is the obvious next antagonist.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 5:08 PM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
These internet commenters are idiots. The obvious choice would be to have Kevin James play the lead as a thinly-veiled Paul Blart. If he can take on art thieves with the panache on display in Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, then a villainous supercomputer is the obvious next antagonist.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 5:08 PM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]
Is the podcast funny even if I haven't watched the movie? Because, I really, really don't want to see that movie.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:40 PM on November 26, 2015
posted by double block and bleed at 6:40 PM on November 26, 2015
yes, this podcast is hilarious whether or not you have seen PBT. a delight on this otherwise dreary thanksgiving.
i look forward to the fifth or six episode, where they inevitably drift away from the film and begin riffing and expanding on inside jokes they didn't even know they were setting up this episode.
posted by JimBennett at 7:12 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
i look forward to the fifth or six episode, where they inevitably drift away from the film and begin riffing and expanding on inside jokes they didn't even know they were setting up this episode.
posted by JimBennett at 7:12 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah. My husband and I recorded the movie a few days ago because we're a McElroy Brothers household and knew this podcast was coming, and we couldn't make it more than about 12 minutes. I listened to their Flophouse episode review of Leprechaun: Origins, though, which of course I didn't bother to watch (and based upon their review I hope nobody else ever has, either), and the podcast was still absolutely worth listening to. I will listen to basically anything these dudes put out. The most exciting thing to me about this idea is that it means they're all intending to keep podcasting for the rest of their lives.
posted by something something at 7:15 PM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by something something at 7:15 PM on November 26, 2015 [4 favorites]
After this movie came out, Jimmy Pardo on Never Not Funny went to see it with his son, and he expressed the apparently heretical view that the movie was not bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't Pixels. It was fine. It wasn't boring, and there were enough dumb jokes to make him and his son laugh out loud multiple times. Pardo would ask guests over the next few weeks if they had seen it, and they'd often sheepishly admit that they liked it well enough. And so he wondered why critics and the internet had turned on this movie as savagely as they had.
Bandwagon hate definitely happens on the internet, and it's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't seen the movie and I don't plan to. But it doesn't sound nearly as execrable as Pixels or Leprechaun Origins. It seems like this movie somehow became the scapegoat for all Kevin James movies, or all silly movies following the Ace Ventura model. My prediction is that after repeated yearly viewings, the MBMBAM and WIOAT guys will genuinely come to like this movie.
posted by painquale at 8:07 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
Bandwagon hate definitely happens on the internet, and it's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't seen the movie and I don't plan to. But it doesn't sound nearly as execrable as Pixels or Leprechaun Origins. It seems like this movie somehow became the scapegoat for all Kevin James movies, or all silly movies following the Ace Ventura model. My prediction is that after repeated yearly viewings, the MBMBAM and WIOAT guys will genuinely come to like this movie.
posted by painquale at 8:07 PM on November 26, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am afraid to listen to this. I listened to TWIOAT until I found myself needing to watch Grownups 2, and after watching Grownups 2 I was so enraged that I couldn't listen to the podcast any more. Yes, I know they warned me repeatedly not to watch the movie, but they way they talked about it made it seem like there would be a redeeming dumb humor to the thing. Nope.
posted by queensissy at 9:39 AM on November 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by queensissy at 9:39 AM on November 27, 2015 [1 favorite]
they've already mentioned Chekhov twice
That gives them too much credit, I think. They just mentioned Chekhov's gun, which doesn't imply actual knowledge of Chekhov any more than mentioning Ockham's razor would imply familiarity with William of Ockham.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:08 AM on November 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
That gives them too much credit, I think. They just mentioned Chekhov's gun, which doesn't imply actual knowledge of Chekhov any more than mentioning Ockham's razor would imply familiarity with William of Ockham.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 10:08 AM on November 27, 2015 [2 favorites]
the first mention was of the playwright Anton Chekhov, the second mention was the phrase Chekhov's Gun.
posted by JimBennett at 5:13 PM on November 27, 2015
posted by JimBennett at 5:13 PM on November 27, 2015
My family of four listened to this last night. We were in a cabin, 20 miles from cellular or wifi but I'd queued it up before we left home. We made two family commitments. First, to listen to this every Thanksgiving until the end of time, and second, to never watch even a minute of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.
posted by putzface_dickman at 9:55 AM on November 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by putzface_dickman at 9:55 AM on November 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
The podcast has one fantastic joke in it and a number of funny exchanges. Good stuff.
posted by putzface_dickman at 9:57 AM on November 29, 2015
posted by putzface_dickman at 9:57 AM on November 29, 2015
> I am afraid to listen to this. I listened to TWIOAT until I found myself needing to watch Grownups 2 ...
This thread lead me to start listening to TWIOAT and I really like it. (Kiwi accents are an automatic +20 funny.) But it really is insidious, isn't it? The first couple of episodes I thought "Of course I'm never going to go watch it", but now, 20 episodes in, it's a mild itch "I kinda want to see what they're referring to. And how bad could it actually be?". I think the itch is going to keep getting worse, and I've got 32 more episodes to go, and I know I'm going to break down and it's going to end with me in a pool of shame, regret, and anger.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:17 AM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread lead me to start listening to TWIOAT and I really like it. (Kiwi accents are an automatic +20 funny.) But it really is insidious, isn't it? The first couple of episodes I thought "Of course I'm never going to go watch it", but now, 20 episodes in, it's a mild itch "I kinda want to see what they're referring to. And how bad could it actually be?". I think the itch is going to keep getting worse, and I've got 32 more episodes to go, and I know I'm going to break down and it's going to end with me in a pool of shame, regret, and anger.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:17 AM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's exactly it. These guys are so very gifted at pulling the humor out of everything, and the part where they had to find something each week to praise was a brilliant touch. I think the latter is what finally dragged me in to watching GU2... I needed to see the posters in the History classroom! I needed to see Paddy Schwarz! But just don't do it. DO NOT WATCH THE MOVIE.
posted by queensissy at 8:35 PM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by queensissy at 8:35 PM on November 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
i look forward to the fifth or six episode, where they inevitably drift away from the film and begin riffing and expanding on inside jokes they didn't even know they were setting up this episode.
I hope I am around for the 40th or 50th episode, when they just do a dramatic reading of the film from memory.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:30 AM on November 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
I hope I am around for the 40th or 50th episode, when they just do a dramatic reading of the film from memory.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:30 AM on November 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
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posted by ian1977 at 8:20 AM on November 26, 2015 [2 favorites]