HPL Insurance

December 3, 2015 8:57 AM

"Ma'am, you're going to have to describe the creature. Calling it indescribable doesn't help." (SLYT)
posted by Zarkonnen (16 comments total)

"H as in H*stur"

Someone's not going to last out the week. Should have read the orientation package a bit more closely.
posted by bonehead at 9:06 AM on December 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Do they cover pre-existing conditions? "There's an unnameable, unimaginable thing in my basement."
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:24 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Related: this Burnistoun sketch.

Plus a "taken to the moon by cats" joke.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:24 AM on December 3, 2015

Rugose! IS RUGOSE DESCRIPTIVE ENOUGH! Aw, dang, there goes the dog! Can I get a supervisor please? NOW?!
posted by Samizdata at 9:24 AM on December 3, 2015 [10 favorites]

Clearly, equally-scarred minds think alike, robocop is bleeding....
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:25 AM on December 3, 2015

That led me to Elder Sign, which I think is even more awesome.
posted by Shepherd at 9:26 AM on December 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Clearly, equally-scarred minds think alike, robocop is bleeding....

Yeah, I'm wondering if I need to tone it down a bit, though. Maybe spent some time in Happy Acres or something. The carvings and projects I make are a great way to keep occupied, but they seem to be influencing my son. Just the other day when we were shopping for new pants for him, he spent the entire time hiding in the clothing racks, waiting to jump out and yell 'CTHULHU!' at passers by.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:31 AM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

For English, press 1.

Latinis, premere II.

G'ght'th xchot'h Ergfh'ar 3.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:42 AM on December 3, 2015 [11 favorites]

The number '3' is entirely too effable to be appropriate. If you want G'ght'th xchot'h Ergfh'ar, enter all the irrational digits of hyperbolic pi.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:47 AM on December 3, 2015 [5 favorites]

Shepherd, you may also like this, from the same people.
posted by JHarris at 10:16 AM on December 3, 2015

Can I still make a claim if my soul is trapped in eternal torment while my agony feeds some eldritch monster? I'd better read that policy's fine print...
posted by Sunburnt at 11:28 AM on December 3, 2015

For English, press 1.
Latinis, premere II.
G'ght'th xchot'h Ergfh'ar 3.

"Press 1"? How come I gotta sit through a whole voice menu of Eldritch? You're in a Euclidian dimension, speak Euclidian, dammit!
posted by PlusDistance at 11:31 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

"Oo- sorry. Your homeowners policy doesn't cover shoggoth damage."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:53 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

All white workforce and customers I see, HPL approves
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:15 PM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

Rugose! IS RUGOSE DESCRIPTIVE ENOUGH!

Sir, that depends: would you also describe the entity as squamous?
posted by en forme de poire at 12:29 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

What's fun is morphology has all these wonderful terms that sound Lovecraftian like "rugose" or "cyclopean" but are just latinate forms of straightforward description: "And as the gate swung wider and my sight of the illimitable garden replaced fantastical speculation with a terrible reality made most disturbing by its unexplained familiarity, I beheld the deformed shrub's leaves were both anastomotic and lanceolate!"
posted by traveler_ at 8:04 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]