August Engelhardt, history's most radical cocovore

December 4, 2015 7:52 AM

"He believed that since the coconut grew high up in the tree, closest to God and closest to the sun, it was godlike. And since it had hair and looked like a human head, he thought it came closest to being a man. According to his rather crackpot theory, to be a cocovore was to be a theophage — or eater of God."
posted by Brandon Blatcher (16 comments total)

I hope he believed right up until the light went out, that even with his last breath, he was thinking, Here I come, God -- I've kept myself pure with Your holy fruit. Because the alternative -- that he realized he'd starved himself but was too far gone to do anything but lie down and die... that's horrifying.
posted by Etrigan at 8:11 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Related
posted by Dr Dracator at 9:26 AM on December 4, 2015

see if I were designing a simulated universe, or if somehow through the practice of secret lost theurgic rituals I achieved ultimate control over our own universe, I would arrange it so that anyone with sufficiently delightful eccentric beliefs about how the world works would be at the moment of their death raptured into a pocket universe wherein everything they believed was 100% true.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:40 AM on December 4, 2015 [13 favorites]

I mean seriously:

He claimed that the noblest organ of the human body was the brain, because it is nearest to the sun, and he denied that such a noble part of the body receives its strength from the deep and dirty digestive tract. He suggested instead that the brain receives its energy from the hair roots, which in turn are fed by sunlight.

I would be so screwed if this were true.
posted by Dr Dracator at 9:41 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Here I come, Constantinople
It's been a good life, Constantinople, but I'm ready
I'm ready for you so here I come
I can't wait to get there, I got to get there soon Constantinople
I'm coming with my head high, I'm not coming on my knees
I want to see you, I got to be there now so here I come
I'm runnin' one more time, Constantinople, here I come
posted by ian1977 at 9:53 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

probably the best thing about that song is the bit where they rhyme "hope I'll" and "Constantinople". also maybe that's the best rhyme in the English language.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:58 AM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...
posted by ian1977 at 10:30 AM on December 4, 2015

He really should have put a lime in his coconut...and mix them both up.
posted by ian1977 at 10:32 AM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

Sorry to derail with stupid song lyrics. That is a really interesting story. 44? Jeesh. I wonder if he had just added vitamins would he have been ok?
posted by ian1977 at 11:55 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

no song lyrics penned by the Residents can be reasonably described as "stupid." all of their lyrics are brilliant, especially the dumb ones.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:04 PM on December 4, 2015

so really you should be apologizing for derailing the thread with brilliant song lyrics.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:07 PM on December 4, 2015

You're right YCTAB, sometimes I just get exhausted from the act of being polite.
posted by ian1977 at 12:16 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also see The Coconut Monk of Vietnam, whose temple island can still be visited outside of My Tho.
posted by Etaoin Shrdlu at 2:54 PM on December 4, 2015

You Can't Tip a Buick: probably the best thing about that song is the bit where they rhyme "hope I'll" and "Constantinople". also maybe that's the best rhyme in the English language.

That would be the best rhyme in the English language, I agree, but The Residents actually sing "hope and". So the rhyme is yours to make.
posted by Kattullus at 3:02 PM on December 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

today I learned it's been too long since I've listed to Duck Stab.

"Today I learned it's been too long since I listened to Duck Stab," said You Can't Tip a Buick." — that's a line in what, an unpublished Neal Stephenson novel? Or the next book from the Ready Player One guy?
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 6:46 PM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]

>Because the alternative -- that he realized he'd starved himself but was too far gone to do anything but lie down and die... that's horrifying.<

I thought that was called "life".
posted by bongo_x at 11:13 PM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]