Speaking of religion causing nightmares,

March 16, 2002 12:06 PM

Speaking of religion causing nightmares, these just don't feel 'right'. Maybe it's the idea of 'reinforcing' the idea that Jesus is your friend, in all activities. Last i checked, forced friendships don't work well. And sandals aren't conductive to track and field.
posted by jcterminal (17 comments total)

I love the basketball one, reminds me of a t-shirt I saw once. It said "Air Jesus."

Don't want your Jesus idol playing sports? Try a standard Jesus Action Figure, in light or dark skinned varieties. You can even mix and match various biblical characters, such as a black adam, a white eve, or any other number of fun combinations.
posted by insomnyuk at 12:29 PM on March 16, 2002

jesus sucks. let the double post rants begin.
posted by Satapher at 12:30 PM on March 16, 2002

I think Jesus only loves white, athletic children.
posted by geoff. at 12:30 PM on March 16, 2002

"Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. He shoots... He SCORES!" -- old .sig

While we're on the subject, I think that coloring books of Jesus on the cross are a little morbid.
posted by waxpancake at 12:30 PM on March 16, 2002

Do those statues mean that if you suck as sports, Jesus must hate you?
posted by fleener at 12:35 PM on March 16, 2002

"Also available in Ballet, Gymnastics, Skiing, Martial Arts, Golf, & Biking/Rollerblading."

Black Belt Jesus is an action figure I'd buy, I just wish that they had a picture of the Martial Arts Figure.
posted by RubiX^3 at 12:38 PM on March 16, 2002

yes, perhaps the statues are a bit much, but I still really really want a pair of these.

i really don't know why i want them either. spooky.
posted by fishfucker at 1:47 PM on March 16, 2002

I just wish that they had a picture of the Martial Arts Figure.

This seems like a conflict of interest. Aren't most martial arts directly or indirectly derived from eastern religious beliefs?
posted by plaino at 2:50 PM on March 16, 2002

This seems like a conflict of interest. Aren't most martial arts directly or indirectly derived from eastern religious beliefs?

Yes, but some Christians have attempted to put together a kind of revisionist martial arts movement, seeking to translate the various mental disciplines into their own terms.
posted by thomas j wise at 4:17 PM on March 16, 2002

Good lord, its Dogma's buddy Christ, but in sports figures..
posted by Mossy at 4:55 PM on March 16, 2002

Did you notice that the football Jesus is being tackled? Hahaha... Jesus drops back...tries the handoff...and eats turf!...Gee, Bob, Jesus is has been on the ground all day.

P.S. This is a re-post from about a year and half ago
posted by Bag Man at 5:06 PM on March 16, 2002

I looked. I blinked. Eeeek.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:39 PM on March 16, 2002

I can't be the only person who saw these on Conan O'brien's a few weeks ago. He did a funny bit about Jesus being tackled in the football one, teasing the kids by holding the basketball out of their reach, and being in second place in the track one.
posted by oddovid at 10:14 PM on March 16, 2002

You can even mix and match various biblical characters, such as a black adam, [...]

I'm confused. That doesn't look at all like Black Adam.
posted by webmutant at 12:19 AM on March 17, 2002

Actually, any combat form with disciplined study is a martial art. I studied claidh mor (claymore) in a martial arts setting. Fencing is also a martial art. Both are secular, though. Maybe that's why people don't think of them the same way.

None-the-less, I am worried of a statue of Jesus holding aloft a claidh mor, ala Braveheart. Not exactly the compassionate saviour I learned of in school
posted by dwivian at 12:56 PM on March 18, 2002

Although, Jesus playing keepaway with the basketball in the second one is just as unnerving....
posted by dwivian at 1:08 PM on March 18, 2002

Both are secular, though. Maybe that's why people don't think of them the same way.

I don't know what "claymore" is, but I think the reason fencing is considered separately from martial arts is that it only addresses one weapon, and as far as I know doesn't have "forms". Some people consider Judo a martial art but others say "it's really a sport" because there are no forms or a philosophy behind it etc. Martial arts usually have open hand and weapons forms, and usually address the use of many weapons, including sword, dagger, staff, cane, fan, and rope-stick. I've never seen a "gun" form, but have seen gun defense techniques. Maybe the quickness of the west to use technology over skill in war led to the martial arts of europe dying out.

Though I do point out the existence of fencing and boxing when people wonder why there are no european martial arts. Ours are just not as good, that's all :)

Anyhoo. weird statues. wish I'd caught that conan, sounds funny.
posted by mdn at 1:10 PM on March 18, 2002