“If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive.”
December 20, 2015 5:50 AM Subscribe
A Darth Vader waffle maker? You really shouldn’t have…by David Mitchell [The Guardian]
“Star Wars, it turns out, is the most ambitious, enterprising and impressive exercise in the marketing of crap ever conceived by man. Crap, that is, apart from the toys. I have to make an exception for the toys because, as a child, I was an enthusiastic collector of Star Wars figures and spaceships. [...] But, toys aside, it really is crap. Anyone who enjoys their Stormtrooper single duvet cover set more than watching The Empire Strikes Back is a very odd person indeed – and unlikely ever to be in the market for a Stormtrooper double duvet cover set. These are all things that you either don’t need at all or you’d be slightly better off with a non-Star Wars version. And I say that as someone whose wife once gave him an R2-D2 eggcup as a present. Because if you love eggs, and you love Star Wars… you’ll still, in general, find yourself using a normal egg cup.”
Probably the most succinct damnation of capitalism I've ever read in an otherwise nonsensical article. I'm not sure if he is serious:
"Our civilisation cannot be sustained solely from the buying and selling of sturdy items that people genuinely need. We all need people to purchase things they don’t need; to buy things that, while not necessary, are fun – like chocolate, toys, booze, DVDs – and then, to keep the economy growing, also to buy things that vaguely seem like they might be fun if you don’t think that hard about it, like Darth Vader showerheads and lightsaber chopsticks. The market for hilariously apt dust-gatherers is vast and growing – it makes up a significant proportion of the Christmas shopping spike and we probably can’t do without it."
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:09 AM on December 20, 2015 [22 favorites]
"Our civilisation cannot be sustained solely from the buying and selling of sturdy items that people genuinely need. We all need people to purchase things they don’t need; to buy things that, while not necessary, are fun – like chocolate, toys, booze, DVDs – and then, to keep the economy growing, also to buy things that vaguely seem like they might be fun if you don’t think that hard about it, like Darth Vader showerheads and lightsaber chopsticks. The market for hilariously apt dust-gatherers is vast and growing – it makes up a significant proportion of the Christmas shopping spike and we probably can’t do without it."
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:09 AM on December 20, 2015 [22 favorites]
Somewhere, there's a retired 20th Century Fox executive still kicking themself over giving Lucas the toy rights.
Thanks to the success of American Graffiti, Lucas was entitled to a salary of $500,000 for directing what was now being called simply "Star Wars". Instead of accepting the nearly 300% pay raise, George went to Fox with a proposition. He offered to keep his salary at $150,000 in exchange for two seemingly insignificant requests: 1) That he retain all merchandising rights, and 2) that he would retain the rights to any sequels.
posted by octothorpe at 6:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [46 favorites]
Thanks to the success of American Graffiti, Lucas was entitled to a salary of $500,000 for directing what was now being called simply "Star Wars". Instead of accepting the nearly 300% pay raise, George went to Fox with a proposition. He offered to keep his salary at $150,000 in exchange for two seemingly insignificant requests: 1) That he retain all merchandising rights, and 2) that he would retain the rights to any sequels.
posted by octothorpe at 6:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [46 favorites]
I'm not sure if he is serious
David Mitchell (the comedian one) is, like all good satirists, deadly serious but on a different subject than the one he appears to be talking about.
posted by thetortoise at 6:25 AM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
David Mitchell (the comedian one) is, like all good satirists, deadly serious but on a different subject than the one he appears to be talking about.
I have to make an exception for the toys because, as a child, I was an enthusiastic collector of Star Wars figures and spaceships.Naw, you, David? You don't say!
posted by thetortoise at 6:25 AM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
JAR JAR BINKS CANDY (TONGUE SUCKER)!!
Damnit, Fizz! I had just started to forget that it existed!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:26 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Damnit, Fizz! I had just started to forget that it existed!
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:26 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
JAR JAR BINKS CANDY (TONGUE SUCKER)!!
That belongs in the DIY set toys FPP down the page.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:36 AM on December 20, 2015
That belongs in the DIY set toys FPP down the page.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:36 AM on December 20, 2015
@heyitsgogi, do you mean i didn't haven't to spend all that time reading the China Mieville essay yesterday?
posted by lownote at 6:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by lownote at 6:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Fizz, why did you offer up my precious David Mitchell to the MeFi wolves???
posted by Kitteh at 6:50 AM on December 20, 2015 [16 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 6:50 AM on December 20, 2015 [16 favorites]
Chris Klimek talked about the tongue sucker sucker on Pop-Culture Happy Hour this week, and the true horror of it is hard to imagine. The pic makes it, well, it makes that horror real.
posted by jferngler at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by jferngler at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Fizz, why did you offer up my precious David Mitchell to the MeFi wolves???
I'm sorry but even with his tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, I do understand where he's coming from. Disney has me feeling overwhelmed with their product placement.
posted by Fizz at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm sorry but even with his tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, I do understand where he's coming from. Disney has me feeling overwhelmed with their product placement.
posted by Fizz at 6:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
You have to admit, though, that the Tauntaun sleeping bag that Thinkgeek thought up is AWESOME.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:57 AM on December 20, 2015 [36 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:57 AM on December 20, 2015 [36 favorites]
And then there's the unusual confluence of Peak Strong Female Character and the Covergirl Star Wars Collection.
posted by fairmettle at 6:59 AM on December 20, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 6:59 AM on December 20, 2015 [6 favorites]
I'm still holding out for a Sarlacc Pit Slow Cooker.
posted by nubs at 7:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [34 favorites]
posted by nubs at 7:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [34 favorites]
“MERCHANDISING MERCHANDISING MERCHANDISING!!!”
posted by Fizz at 7:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Fizz at 7:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
I have more mugs than I can use, but damn well done Disney.
posted by sukeban at 7:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by sukeban at 7:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
As we re-watched IV, V, and IV with our daughters ( 9 and 11 ), I kept going "That's the Rancor playset MY MOM DIDN'T GET ME THIRTY FIVE YEARS AGO..." for pretty much everything that showed up on screen.
posted by mikelieman at 7:37 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by mikelieman at 7:37 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
"That's the Rancor playset MY MOM DIDN'T GET ME THIRTY FIVE YEARS AGO..."
DON'T. GET. ME. STARTED. ON. THAT. GODDAMN. RANCOR. SET!!
My aunt had gifted me with that set when I was young and it for some reason remain unopened. This set also included a Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker. At some point in my adolescence I just decided to leave it unopened and around the time the prequels came out, I recognized it for the investment it might some day be. Before we moved from the United States to Canada, my mother gave that unopened original Star Wars set to a charity.
It is still a contentious issue in the house today. My mother has never talked about or mentioned Star Wars with me willingly, as she knows it will lead to my mentioning this betrayal. It is a taboo subject between the two of us, we pretend it did not happen but deep down we both know. I don't even want to think about what its value today might be. Don't even want to look it up. I know it would enrage me further.
posted by Fizz at 7:45 AM on December 20, 2015 [45 favorites]
DON'T. GET. ME. STARTED. ON. THAT. GODDAMN. RANCOR. SET!!
My aunt had gifted me with that set when I was young and it for some reason remain unopened. This set also included a Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker. At some point in my adolescence I just decided to leave it unopened and around the time the prequels came out, I recognized it for the investment it might some day be. Before we moved from the United States to Canada, my mother gave that unopened original Star Wars set to a charity.
It is still a contentious issue in the house today. My mother has never talked about or mentioned Star Wars with me willingly, as she knows it will lead to my mentioning this betrayal. It is a taboo subject between the two of us, we pretend it did not happen but deep down we both know. I don't even want to think about what its value today might be. Don't even want to look it up. I know it would enrage me further.
posted by Fizz at 7:45 AM on December 20, 2015 [45 favorites]
My father had grabbed burgers from Carl's Jr. for years, until at some point in the 90s when they came out with their "if it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face" ad campaign. It made him angry that they were advertising that their burgers would make a mess on your clothes. So angry, in fact, that he didn't eat there again for the remainder of his life.
At the time, I thought that it was silly that he'd give up something that he'd enjoyed for years over a stupid ad campaign.
I was excited when I saw the trailer for The Force Awakens. Then, over the course of a single television show, I got ads in which Star Wars tried to sell me a Dodge Ram, Duracell batteries, and Verizon internet service. I haven't seen The Force Awakens and I no longer plan to, but I would like to thank the Star Wars licensing team for giving me some insight into my father.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 7:46 AM on December 20, 2015 [60 favorites]
At the time, I thought that it was silly that he'd give up something that he'd enjoyed for years over a stupid ad campaign.
I was excited when I saw the trailer for The Force Awakens. Then, over the course of a single television show, I got ads in which Star Wars tried to sell me a Dodge Ram, Duracell batteries, and Verizon internet service. I haven't seen The Force Awakens and I no longer plan to, but I would like to thank the Star Wars licensing team for giving me some insight into my father.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 7:46 AM on December 20, 2015 [60 favorites]
Star Wars, it turns out, is the most ambitious, enterprising and impressive exercise in the marketing of crap ever conceived by man
surely this honor belongs to sanrio.
posted by nadawi at 7:53 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
surely this honor belongs to sanrio.
posted by nadawi at 7:53 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
surely this honor belongs to sanrio.
So nadawi's link took me from this to this.
*sighs*
posted by Fizz at 7:56 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
So nadawi's link took me from this to this.
*sighs*
posted by Fizz at 7:56 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
You see, the stuff I spend my money on is edifying, satisfying, amusing, and culturally relevant. The stuff other people buy is stupid, unnecessary, tacky, and so worthless it should never have been made.
posted by straight at 7:59 AM on December 20, 2015 [30 favorites]
posted by straight at 7:59 AM on December 20, 2015 [30 favorites]
DON'T. GET. ME. STARTED. ON. THAT. GODDAMN. RANCOR. SET!! ... I know it would enrage me further.
Never was a set more aptly named.
posted by rory at 8:02 AM on December 20, 2015 [41 favorites]
Never was a set more aptly named.
posted by rory at 8:02 AM on December 20, 2015 [41 favorites]
House of Commons MP blasts shoe company when she doesn't get a pair of R2D2 pumps
(Full disclosure: I own these shoes. I wore them to synagogue yesterday. I regret nothing.)
posted by Mchelly at 8:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
(Full disclosure: I own these shoes. I wore them to synagogue yesterday. I regret nothing.)
posted by Mchelly at 8:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
Augh, the "light side" Cover Girl mascara screwed up their Yoda quote!
screenshot.
I am irrationally annoyed by this
Does anyone have the actual mascara (I bought the Dark Side version)? Hopefully the actual mascara packaging doesn't use a nonsensical bastardization of Master Yoda's most famous quote.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:06 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
screenshot.
I am irrationally annoyed by this
Does anyone have the actual mascara (I bought the Dark Side version)? Hopefully the actual mascara packaging doesn't use a nonsensical bastardization of Master Yoda's most famous quote.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 8:06 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Never was a set more aptly named.
UNOPENED AND MINT CONDITION!?!!
posted by Fizz at 8:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
UNOPENED AND MINT CONDITION!?!!
posted by Fizz at 8:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
'They're in the nightstand, I'll be right back!' she said. So I'm rummaging around looking for a responsibility balloon, and there's her darth vader toy.
posted by adept256 at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [12 favorites]
All I want from Star Wars merchandise are two pairs of socks (not athletic socks, please): one pair to look like Artoo's body and another that looks like Vader's chest plate (without the stupid cape). Get on it, Disney.
posted by entropicamericana at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by entropicamericana at 8:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
one pair to look like Artoo's body and another that looks like Vader's chest plate (without the stupid cape)
Hmm, not sure if those are the kind you want, but there are lots of sock designs, just have to find the one you have in your brain. Good-luck! May the fabric be with you!
posted by Fizz at 8:19 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hmm, not sure if those are the kind you want, but there are lots of sock designs, just have to find the one you have in your brain. Good-luck! May the fabric be with you!
posted by Fizz at 8:19 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
posted by nubs at 8:29 AM on December 20, 2015
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
posted by nubs at 8:29 AM on December 20, 2015
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
posted by Fizz at 8:30 AM on December 20, 2015
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
posted by Fizz at 8:30 AM on December 20, 2015
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
posted by nubs at 8:33 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
posted by nubs at 8:33 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
from the Disney Star Wars Oranges link comments:
"They have an electric cigarette in a Darth Vader edition now."
.... Hey kiddies ....
posted by hank at 8:39 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
"They have an electric cigarette in a Darth Vader edition now."
.... Hey kiddies ....
posted by hank at 8:39 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you'veconstructed purchased.
posted by Fizz at 8:41 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've
posted by Fizz at 8:41 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Someone gave me a gift certificate to ThinkGeek. I am completely unable to use it because I can't decide which completely useless item I most want.
posted by acrasis at 8:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 8:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you'veconstructed purchased.
She's not on any mercy mission this time.
posted by nubs at 8:49 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've
She's not on any mercy mission this time.
posted by nubs at 8:49 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Fortunately, sometimes marketing crap gets mashed together with other marketing crap in a way that was never intended but results in something strangely beautiful, like Cokebacca
posted by oulipian at 8:50 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 8:50 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
You see, the stuff I spend my money on is edifying, satisfying, amusing, and culturally relevant. The stuff other people buy is stupid, unnecessary, tacky, and so worthless it should never have been made.
I don't see how that can be what the article means. Not when it says this:
posted by howfar at 8:51 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
I don't see how that can be what the article means. Not when it says this:
You never really know what’s going to make money, however clever you are. Anyone successful in Hollywood would tell you that. I just wish they’d tell the universities minister, Jo Johnson. He’s asking academic bodies to justify their funding by explaining the real world application of their inquiries before they start making them. Johnson is the latest in a long line of politicians charged with the funding of academic research who thinks it needs to prove its worth in advance; that highly educated people working hard to fill the gaps in human knowledge never got us anywhere, and what those spendthrift boffins need to do is direct their research towards a readily monetisable goal.I'm pretty certain (and in fact I can't see any other way to read the article without ignoring significant chunks, including its conclusion) that the point is that our individual perceptions of what is worthless are not a good basis for deciding what activities are worthwhile. Hence we should not sit and shake our heads at other people's enthusiasms, or deride them as impractical, because we don't know what actually changes the world, apart from enthusiasm itself.
posted by howfar at 8:51 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
I hear there's an actual ThinkGeek store in a mall near me. It looks almost exactly like a Hot Topic from the pics online, which makes sense as they're part of the same company.
The whole thing loses its charm when you realize "Nerd Pride!" is just a subset of conspicuous consumption. It'd be nice if they sold stuff like Gakken kits, so at least you feel like you're doing something other than pro-bono work as a brand ambassador for The Walking Dead.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:55 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
The whole thing loses its charm when you realize "Nerd Pride!" is just a subset of conspicuous consumption. It'd be nice if they sold stuff like Gakken kits, so at least you feel like you're doing something other than pro-bono work as a brand ambassador for The Walking Dead.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:55 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
"They have an electric cigarette in a Darth Vader edition now."
I just woke up at home/rethinking my life.
posted by clavdivs at 8:55 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I just woke up at home/rethinking my life.
posted by clavdivs at 8:55 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
That said, BB8 is aggressively cute, so maybe I am a hypocrite and my opinion is probably invalid.
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:57 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mccarty.tim at 8:57 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is not an article about Star Wars. It's not even about the commercialisation of nerd-ery.
I know it's hard to read something with the phrase 'Star Wars' in it and go beyond that, but there's something else being said here - but maybe it is too UK-politics-and-society-specific to be clear?
e.g. "It’s been a great week for fans of a franchise that we currently lack the advances in medical science to reboot: Margaret Thatcher" ?
posted by AFII at 9:00 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I know it's hard to read something with the phrase 'Star Wars' in it and go beyond that, but there's something else being said here - but maybe it is too UK-politics-and-society-specific to be clear?
e.g. "It’s been a great week for fans of a franchise that we currently lack the advances in medical science to reboot: Margaret Thatcher" ?
posted by AFII at 9:00 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Not many people know that the discovery of graphene can be directly linked to blue sky research into the development of Jar Jar Binks hub caps.
posted by biffa at 9:01 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by biffa at 9:01 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
So biffa, you're arguing that Star Wars should exist for the same reason as actual NASA? It may not offer direct dividends for practical problems on Earth, but it's cool and sometimes a useful technology gets discovered on the way?
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:06 AM on December 20, 2015
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:06 AM on December 20, 2015
"Our civilisation cannot be sustained [if we fail to buy lots of stuff]"
How true is this, really? I've heard of steady-state economics. But even if one doesn't go that far, is it really true that failing to buy a bunch of non-essential non-durable cheap imported plastics will actively hurt the domestic economy in ways that matter? I confess I'm pretty economically ignorant, so the answer is not obvious to me.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
How true is this, really? I've heard of steady-state economics. But even if one doesn't go that far, is it really true that failing to buy a bunch of non-essential non-durable cheap imported plastics will actively hurt the domestic economy in ways that matter? I confess I'm pretty economically ignorant, so the answer is not obvious to me.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
there's her darth vader toy.
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed purchased.
She's not on any mercy mission this time.
I hope you told her later who her father really was.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:18 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Have you felt the power of the Dark Side?
Don't try to frighten him with her sorcerer's ways!?!
She is altering the deal. Pray she doesn't alter it any further.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed purchased.
She's not on any mercy mission this time.
I hope you told her later who her father really was.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:18 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
There must be a staggering amount of waste as so much of this crap fails to sell. Literal tons of petroleum-derived, child labour-produced crap, sent to the landfill as if it had no value, complete disrespect for the people enslaved and environment destroyed.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by five fresh fish at 9:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [17 favorites]
Literal tons of petroleum-derived, child labour-produced crap, sent to the landfill as if because it had no value
posted by Dysk at 9:25 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Dysk at 9:25 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Star Wars, it turns out, is the most ambitious, enterprising and impressive exercise in the marketing of crap ever conceived by man.
Someone has never seen a church, I am guessing.
(To be fair to Christianity, other religions pretty much keep up with it in marketing and the creation of unnecessary things (often later called "art") when they are in growth phases, too.)
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:26 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
Someone has never seen a church, I am guessing.
(To be fair to Christianity, other religions pretty much keep up with it in marketing and the creation of unnecessary things (often later called "art") when they are in growth phases, too.)
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:26 AM on December 20, 2015 [10 favorites]
Fizz, I had the 1st Barbie Dream House, early Barbies, clothes, stuff. My Mom gave it to a church rummage sale without asking me. I feel your rage.
posted by theora55 at 9:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 9:48 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm finding the sheer amount of things branded "Star Wars" pretty hilarious but I'm actually enjoying what appears to be the general trend I've been seeing of not just Star Wars but 'geek' things in objects that are practical. By practical I mean things that I would use all the time anyway. I wouldn't buy a new toaster just because it brands Star Wars on the toast, but if my current toaster dies and I need a new one then I would be tempted to buy a 'geek' toaster because it's silly and would give me a little shot of kid joy with my toast and it relates to something in my life I enjoy. Would I pay a premium for it? No but if it's within the price zone of a regular generic toaster then I might.
Maybe now that I'm older and more cynical. I get all the issues with consumption and branding but I've realized that most everything I buy and use to do my life things is branded in some way. It relates to some sort of style even if that style is just generic everyday something that does something. Why not have every day things that relate to something I find fun.
In the case of Star Wars this particular part of culture has been a big part of my life since it first came out. It's more then just a brand. I spent hours of kid hood playing Star Wars with my sisters and other kids in the neighbor hood. Star Wars got me interested in space and astronomy. It fostered my life long love for Sci-fi and fantasy. It got me into playing games.
Why not bring that into the every day if I feel like it? I'd much rather have 'geek' dish towels then the ones I currently have which are 'branded' in their own way, in this case part of some 'country style' strawberry and vegetable pattern. I'd much rather have Dr Who or BSG dish towels then one with roosters or cows on them.
With this in mind the people in my life that I know love it and have a history with the story are getting practical Star Wars gifts this Christmas because they will enjoy them.
My sister is getting a Star Wars lunch box. It's fun and useful and she can use it when going back to work after her maternity leave. My brothers in law are getting Death Star ice cube trays because they regularly use ice in drinks. Why not make fun ice cubes instead of just rectangles? My other sister is getting a pair of light saber chop sticks. She uses chopsticks all the time. Instead of getting my nephew a set of toddler cutlery with whatever cutesy style and colours that are typical these days he's getting Darth Vader ones. My first set of cutlery and bowls were Beatrix Potter which was branding as well.
With one exception I won't be going out of my way just to buy things Star Wars just because Star Wars though. A lot of what I'm seeing is really useless crap. And you will never see me buying Star Wars oranges unless they happen to be the cheapest oranges for sale at the time. You might see me buy a Star Wars toothbrush in the near future because I need a new toothbrush. If it's the same as other toothbrushes and around the same price sure why not? It wouldn't be the first time I've bought a silly toothbrush because it's silly and makes me smile.
(My exception is those Funko Pop figures. They my one pop culture useless crap thing I allow myself to buy but that goes beyond just Star Wars. I love them and I geekily create mash-up scenes and stories with the figures on my shelves. Brienne of Tarth and Darth Vader have had some funny adventures together..."
posted by Jalliah at 9:52 AM on December 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
Maybe now that I'm older and more cynical. I get all the issues with consumption and branding but I've realized that most everything I buy and use to do my life things is branded in some way. It relates to some sort of style even if that style is just generic everyday something that does something. Why not have every day things that relate to something I find fun.
In the case of Star Wars this particular part of culture has been a big part of my life since it first came out. It's more then just a brand. I spent hours of kid hood playing Star Wars with my sisters and other kids in the neighbor hood. Star Wars got me interested in space and astronomy. It fostered my life long love for Sci-fi and fantasy. It got me into playing games.
Why not bring that into the every day if I feel like it? I'd much rather have 'geek' dish towels then the ones I currently have which are 'branded' in their own way, in this case part of some 'country style' strawberry and vegetable pattern. I'd much rather have Dr Who or BSG dish towels then one with roosters or cows on them.
With this in mind the people in my life that I know love it and have a history with the story are getting practical Star Wars gifts this Christmas because they will enjoy them.
My sister is getting a Star Wars lunch box. It's fun and useful and she can use it when going back to work after her maternity leave. My brothers in law are getting Death Star ice cube trays because they regularly use ice in drinks. Why not make fun ice cubes instead of just rectangles? My other sister is getting a pair of light saber chop sticks. She uses chopsticks all the time. Instead of getting my nephew a set of toddler cutlery with whatever cutesy style and colours that are typical these days he's getting Darth Vader ones. My first set of cutlery and bowls were Beatrix Potter which was branding as well.
With one exception I won't be going out of my way just to buy things Star Wars just because Star Wars though. A lot of what I'm seeing is really useless crap. And you will never see me buying Star Wars oranges unless they happen to be the cheapest oranges for sale at the time. You might see me buy a Star Wars toothbrush in the near future because I need a new toothbrush. If it's the same as other toothbrushes and around the same price sure why not? It wouldn't be the first time I've bought a silly toothbrush because it's silly and makes me smile.
(My exception is those Funko Pop figures. They my one pop culture useless crap thing I allow myself to buy but that goes beyond just Star Wars. I love them and I geekily create mash-up scenes and stories with the figures on my shelves. Brienne of Tarth and Darth Vader have had some funny adventures together..."
posted by Jalliah at 9:52 AM on December 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
"I found a fun game: Go to Google images, type "Star Wars (random product name)" and see if it exists!"
Condoms? Check.
Tampons? Check.
Adult diapers? Check.
[A competing product in that last category is themed for "Pooh and friends".]
posted by Paul Slade at 9:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [8 favorites]
Condoms? Check.
Tampons? Check.
Adult diapers? Check.
[A competing product in that last category is themed for "Pooh and friends".]
posted by Paul Slade at 9:54 AM on December 20, 2015 [8 favorites]
Would I pay a premium for it? No but if it's within the price zone of a regular generic toaster then I might.
Thing is, with the costs associated with securing the rights to use the Star Wars brand on your product, they almost certainly will be in a different price bracket altogether.
posted by Dysk at 9:56 AM on December 20, 2015
Thing is, with the costs associated with securing the rights to use the Star Wars brand on your product, they almost certainly will be in a different price bracket altogether.
posted by Dysk at 9:56 AM on December 20, 2015
Someone has never seen a church, I am guessing.
Jedi is a bit of a religion here. We like to have a laugh, but many people will actually record their religion as Jedi.
posted by adept256 at 9:58 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Jedi is a bit of a religion here. We like to have a laugh, but many people will actually record their religion as Jedi.
posted by adept256 at 9:58 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Star Wars, it turns out, is the most ambitious, enterprising and impressive exercise in the marketing of crap ever conceived by man.
- Someone has never seen a church, I am guessing.
And what if you could see a church AND Star Wars combine, collide and produce something that has never before been imagined?
Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves, I give you this news story from the capital of the European empire:
German church holds 'Star Wars' service
- Someone has never seen a church, I am guessing.
And what if you could see a church AND Star Wars combine, collide and produce something that has never before been imagined?
Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves, I give you this news story from the capital of the European empire:
German church holds 'Star Wars' service
A Berlin church on Sunday celebrated a service with a “Star Wars” theme, with lightsaber-wielding pastors preaching parallels between Christianity and the blockbuster movie series to costumed parishioners.posted by bitteschoen at 10:01 AM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
The Zion Church in the Mitte district seized on last week’s world premiere of “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” which is breaking box office records, as a universal parable of good and evil.
A few hundred people turned out for the event at the Protestant house of worship just days before Christmas, at a time when many German churches are struggling to keep up attendance, membership and receive donations.
A photographer captured images of churchgoers decked out as popular characters from the space epic perched on wooden pews including a few Darth Vaders and a Chewbacca.
Pastors-in-training Ulrike Garve, 29, and Lucas Ludewig, 30, brandished red toy lightsabers as they delivered their sermon from the altar. ...
Form should follow function. Manufacturers of branded merchandise understand that the true function of a branded item is to signify something to other people - your role in an inside group, your available income, your sense of humor - rather than to carry out a task.
I promise that Darth Vader toast tastes worse than toast made in a proper toaster. It's unevenly toasted bread.
posted by sockermom at 10:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
I promise that Darth Vader toast tastes worse than toast made in a proper toaster. It's unevenly toasted bread.
posted by sockermom at 10:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
"I found a fun game: Go to Google images, type "Star Wars (random product name)" and see if it exists!"
Tried this. Couch, table, refrigerator, pool cue; check, check, check, check.
The only fail was searching for a branded working flamethrower.
I think we should dub this rule 35 (some of the items were fan made).
posted by el io at 10:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Tried this. Couch, table, refrigerator, pool cue; check, check, check, check.
The only fail was searching for a branded working flamethrower.
I think we should dub this rule 35 (some of the items were fan made).
posted by el io at 10:05 AM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
I promise that Darth Vader toast tastes worse than toast made in a proper toaster. It's unevenly toasted bread.
Cannot blame them for false advertising. It's just like Darth Vader, your toast is perfectly fine on the outside, but burnt to a crisp on the inside.
posted by Fizz at 10:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [14 favorites]
Cannot blame them for false advertising. It's just like Darth Vader, your toast is perfectly fine on the outside, but burnt to a crisp on the inside.
posted by Fizz at 10:07 AM on December 20, 2015 [14 favorites]
A new pope.
If that's too far just yank it. Sometimes I don't know where the line is.
posted by adept256 at 10:08 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
If that's too far just yank it. Sometimes I don't know where the line is.
posted by adept256 at 10:08 AM on December 20, 2015 [9 favorites]
So biffa, you're arguing that Star Wars should exist for the same reason as actual NASA?
So very obviously not.
posted by biffa at 10:10 AM on December 20, 2015
So very obviously not.
posted by biffa at 10:10 AM on December 20, 2015
my parents bought Star Wars toys for my brothers and not for me, because they regarded them as boy toys. That would be a tragic story but for the fact that I totally took those toys and played with them myself.
posted by angrycat at 10:11 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by angrycat at 10:11 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
If I wasn't going to get sued within an inch of my life, I would repackage blood sugar measuring kits as home midicholorian tests and make a fortune.
posted by dr_dank at 10:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 10:16 AM on December 20, 2015 [11 favorites]
Bumped into a storm trooper on his way to the theatre on opening night and instead of thinking - "Oh yeah, the new Star Wars opens tonight." - the only thing that ran through my head was - "That's some goddamn smart product placement."
posted by hoodrich at 10:22 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by hoodrich at 10:22 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
My brothers and I collected all the cards when we were kids. Hockey Cards, Baseball Cards, Wacky Packages (stickers technically), and on and on....
We were extremely competitive about it and were cut-throat wheelers and dealers. There were even card heists which meant we had to secure our cards the only way kids without resources can. By hiding them.
About 8 years after I had completed the original Star Wars card set my mom took my aside and showed me my Dad's leather driving jacket which had been hanging in the closet. It was completely lopsided on one side. The leather had been horribly stretched from the weight of something heavy and rectangular about the size of half a brick. My Mom handed me the half brick and it was my complete set of Star Wars cards wrapped up with a couple of elastics.
"Never tell anyone about this. Ever" she said.
I never did. Until today. Hi Dad!
( I sold the cards for about $10 right after the discovery and I am quite relieved to see they didn't appreciate in value too outrageously over the years - they are about $200 now)
posted by srboisvert at 10:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
We were extremely competitive about it and were cut-throat wheelers and dealers. There were even card heists which meant we had to secure our cards the only way kids without resources can. By hiding them.
About 8 years after I had completed the original Star Wars card set my mom took my aside and showed me my Dad's leather driving jacket which had been hanging in the closet. It was completely lopsided on one side. The leather had been horribly stretched from the weight of something heavy and rectangular about the size of half a brick. My Mom handed me the half brick and it was my complete set of Star Wars cards wrapped up with a couple of elastics.
"Never tell anyone about this. Ever" she said.
I never did. Until today. Hi Dad!
( I sold the cards for about $10 right after the discovery and I am quite relieved to see they didn't appreciate in value too outrageously over the years - they are about $200 now)
posted by srboisvert at 10:23 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Mod note: One comment deleted. Article isn't even actually about merchandise, so definitely out of place to pick a fight accusing other people here of not caring enough about child labor.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I only have given into one piece of new Star Wars merchandising so far: the Drafthouse offered Mondo pint glasses, which are a thing I'll actually use, with tickets. So we got pint glasses, which we picked up Friday when we saw the movie. I love a lot of the Mondo art, but the glasses were kind of disappointing (color designs don't work so well on glass). This is probably a metaphor for the Star Wars merchandise experience I remember from my adolescence: paid too much money for something where I didn't even get something I was happy with. As these things go, it was a pretty cheap lesson.
posted by immlass at 10:35 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by immlass at 10:35 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Somewhere I saw an ice cube tray which turned out ice cubes that looked like Han frozen in carbonite.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:44 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 10:44 AM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I remember when Giga Pets were the big thing. I thought they were SO stupid. My sisters wanted them for Christmas so I kept telling my mom, "Don't even think about getting me one of those things." Christmas morning comes around, my sisters unwrap Giga Pets. Then I come to a present that looks suspiciously like theirs. I open it. It's a damn Giga Pet. But then I saw that it was a Rancor. You fed it Gamorrean Guards and as a snack you fed it Twi'lek dancers. My little Rancor went everywhere with me for several months.
posted by jenjenc at 10:51 AM on December 20, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by jenjenc at 10:51 AM on December 20, 2015 [8 favorites]
Form should follow function. Manufacturers of branded merchandise understand that the true function of a branded item is to signify something to other people - your role in an inside group, your available income, your sense of humor - rather than to carry out a task.
The same can be said about anything really. Your stuff, no matter what choices go into getting and using it say something who you are . Even the parameters we use to determine whether it successfully carries out it's task have subjective qualities and differ from person to person.
posted by Jalliah at 10:52 AM on December 20, 2015
The same can be said about anything really. Your stuff, no matter what choices go into getting and using it say something who you are . Even the parameters we use to determine whether it successfully carries out it's task have subjective qualities and differ from person to person.
posted by Jalliah at 10:52 AM on December 20, 2015
Haven't seen the movie, but I'm a little worried that BB-8 will turn out to be the Elmo of droids.
posted by Soliloquy at 11:29 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Soliloquy at 11:29 AM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I actually think an R2D2 eggcup would be really cute. They missed an opportunity with the sandwich press though: it should totally have been Han Solo in Carbonite. Thwuck! Hisshhhh!
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Joe in Australia at 11:31 AM on December 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
They missed an opportunity with the sandwich press though: it should totally have been Han Solo in Carbonite. Thwuck! Hisshhhh!
Nope, this would have made the perfect sandwich press: Thwuck! Hisshhhh!! Ahhhhhhahhhhhahhhh!?!
posted by Fizz at 11:34 AM on December 20, 2015
Nope, this would have made the perfect sandwich press: Thwuck! Hisshhhh!! Ahhhhhhahhhhhahhhh!?!
posted by Fizz at 11:34 AM on December 20, 2015
I have to say that considering how flattering it is to him, David Mitchell's being pretty hard on the merchandising industry.
posted by ambrosen at 11:49 AM on December 20, 2015
posted by ambrosen at 11:49 AM on December 20, 2015
Man, I still totally want the Han in carbonite mini-fridge! Also, that sleeping bag has probably continued to see some weird action.
posted by jadepearl at 11:57 AM on December 20, 2015
posted by jadepearl at 11:57 AM on December 20, 2015
I have slightly mixed feelings about how much I want the Slave Leia apron.
posted by bile and syntax at 12:09 PM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by bile and syntax at 12:09 PM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
This is timely; I was just given a set of...juice glasses, I guess?...each styled like a planet from the Star Wars universe. We are even now plotting who to re-gift them to.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:18 PM on December 20, 2015
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 12:18 PM on December 20, 2015
So nadawi's link took me from this to this
You don't want to go digging too deep into the Millenium Falcon's lower cargo holds...not even with a light-saber.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:38 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
You don't want to go digging too deep into the Millenium Falcon's lower cargo holds...not even with a light-saber.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:38 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Haven't seen the movie, but I'm a little worried that BB-8 will turn out to be the Elmo of droids.
Its saving grace is that it can't talk.
posted by C'est la D.C. at 1:21 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Its saving grace is that it can't talk.
posted by C'est la D.C. at 1:21 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Because if you love eggs, and you love Star Wars… you’ll still, in general, find yourself using a normal egg cup.
That's as may be, but you can have my Star Trek Enterprise Pizza Cutter (a Quonsmas gift!) when you pry it from my cold, dead, greasy hands.
posted by Daily Alice at 1:36 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
That's as may be, but you can have my Star Trek Enterprise Pizza Cutter (a Quonsmas gift!) when you pry it from my cold, dead, greasy hands.
posted by Daily Alice at 1:36 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Haven't seen the movie, but I'm a little worried that BB-8 will turn out to be the Elmo of droids.
Its saving grace is that it can't talk.
This is another of the "could have been a trainwreck but wasn't." IIRC they went with practical effects, and I think the inherent limits of the technology keeps the filmmaker on the rails.
posted by mikelieman at 1:39 PM on December 20, 2015
Its saving grace is that it can't talk.
This is another of the "could have been a trainwreck but wasn't." IIRC they went with practical effects, and I think the inherent limits of the technology keeps the filmmaker on the rails.
posted by mikelieman at 1:39 PM on December 20, 2015
So I have a challenge: what is a retail sales item that has not been made as a Star Wars merchandise?
Of course, if any examples are found to exist, I have no doubt that oversight will be corrected by the time of Episode VIII.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 1:59 PM on December 20, 2015
Of course, if any examples are found to exist, I have no doubt that oversight will be corrected by the time of Episode VIII.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 1:59 PM on December 20, 2015
This is another of the "could have been a trainwreck but wasn't." IIRC they went with practical effects, and I think the inherent limits of the technology keeps the filmmaker on the rails.
Haven't seen the movie yet but yeah, somewhere I read that the BB-8 truly rolling robot was just one implementation and mostly reserved for showing off in the talks shows and such—the movie effects came from a mixture of BB-8 puppets, RC car things, and other practicals that could emote well without bouncing around like a CGI rubber ball (*cough* prequel Yoda).
posted by traveler_ at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2015
Haven't seen the movie yet but yeah, somewhere I read that the BB-8 truly rolling robot was just one implementation and mostly reserved for showing off in the talks shows and such—the movie effects came from a mixture of BB-8 puppets, RC car things, and other practicals that could emote well without bouncing around like a CGI rubber ball (*cough* prequel Yoda).
posted by traveler_ at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2015
edeezy: "I found a fun game: Go to Google images, type "Star Wars (random product name)" and see if it exists!"
“Oh, I'll show them!” I thought. “Let's try searching for ‘Star Wars Compiler’…” Well:
Code.org to join Disney: Teach children one hour to compile the homemade Star Wars game
Moichendizing!
posted by traveler_ at 2:12 PM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
“Oh, I'll show them!” I thought. “Let's try searching for ‘Star Wars Compiler’…” Well:
Code.org to join Disney: Teach children one hour to compile the homemade Star Wars game
Moichendizing!
posted by traveler_ at 2:12 PM on December 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
I mean, it's great we're still having this conversation about how absurd the merchandising is, but seriously, Mel Brooks said everything that you really had to say about the issue in Spaceballs in 1987.
I mean, throughout the movie, not just in the scene with Yogurt specifically talking about merchandising, you'll see a plethora of Spaceballs fake-products. Spaceballs the toilet paper. Spaceballs the table mat. The breadth and depth of how much fake-Spaceballs-merch there is in that film always stunned me, and even as a kid, it made me step back and think about endless consumption of products with a movie label as being kind of weird.
---
Dang someone beat me to the punch.
posted by deadaluspark at 2:24 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I mean, throughout the movie, not just in the scene with Yogurt specifically talking about merchandising, you'll see a plethora of Spaceballs fake-products. Spaceballs the toilet paper. Spaceballs the table mat. The breadth and depth of how much fake-Spaceballs-merch there is in that film always stunned me, and even as a kid, it made me step back and think about endless consumption of products with a movie label as being kind of weird.
---
Moichendizing!
Dang someone beat me to the punch.
Missed it by that much.
posted by deadaluspark at 2:24 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
So I'm rummaging around looking for a responsibility balloon
What's a responsa.... Oh.
Now I have a new favo(u)rite euphemism.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 2:27 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
What's a responsa.... Oh.
Now I have a new favo(u)rite euphemism.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 2:27 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have slightly mixed feelings about how much I want the Slave Leia apron.
Wasn't Disney putting a stop to all the Slave Leia merch?
posted by Dysk at 2:48 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Wasn't Disney putting a stop to all the Slave Leia merch?
posted by Dysk at 2:48 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Paul Slade those condoms really need to be glow-in-the-dark for maximum effect.
Here's George Lucas on why he did what no one had done before, ask for licensing/merchandising rights (because before Star Wars, no one thought they were worth anything).
posted by eye of newt at 3:15 PM on December 20, 2015
Here's George Lucas on why he did what no one had done before, ask for licensing/merchandising rights (because before Star Wars, no one thought they were worth anything).
posted by eye of newt at 3:15 PM on December 20, 2015
Moichendizing!
Spaceballs was a parody of late '70s/early '80s Star Wars-mania, and Lucas loved it so much that he handed over whatever rights and promises Mel Brooks needed to finish the movie. ILM did all the effects, too, so Brooks did pay a big chunk of the budget to Lucas' company. And Brooks wasn't allowed to license his fake merchandise for real manufacture, which was never a real issue as Mel Brooks movies didn't tend to inspire kids' toys *and* the movie was a commercial flop.
To protect my fragile sanity, I don't have cable or satellite teevee, and that has been especially welcome during the Star Wars buildup. I was part of the Perfect Age To See Star Wars In The Theater generation & really didn't want this ruined for myself and my Jedi apprentice children. (We watched the first couple of trailers and then decided that was enough; we didn't want to see a condensed version of the whole damned movie.) Went to a chain bookstore in LA a couple of weeks ago and was astounded by the layout of Star Wars books, toys, novelties, DVDs, etc. that took a whole ground-floor wall of a bookstore at Christmastime. But it's honestly not much different than it was with the first movies in the late '70s and early '80s ... or from what I vaguely recall of the prequel marketing at the turn of the century.
When Empire Strikes Back was released in 1980, I'd never seen such merchandising and marketing in my life. I was in middle school then, and some kid who snuck off during recess says, "R2D2's at the Safeway!" And somehow we survived until school let out, and we all ran to the Safeway up the street, and Pepsi (or Coke?) had a functional remote-controlled R2D2 zipping around the soft drink aisle. I sped home on my bike, got my Super 8 camera, and returned to get some film of this miracle. And the soft-drink marketing guy tries to grab my camera! And I ran away and rode home cursing the soft-drink marketers, but still loving R2D2. I wonder how many hundreds of appearances that R2 replica made near middle schools that year ....
posted by kenlayne at 3:19 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Spaceballs was a parody of late '70s/early '80s Star Wars-mania, and Lucas loved it so much that he handed over whatever rights and promises Mel Brooks needed to finish the movie. ILM did all the effects, too, so Brooks did pay a big chunk of the budget to Lucas' company. And Brooks wasn't allowed to license his fake merchandise for real manufacture, which was never a real issue as Mel Brooks movies didn't tend to inspire kids' toys *and* the movie was a commercial flop.
To protect my fragile sanity, I don't have cable or satellite teevee, and that has been especially welcome during the Star Wars buildup. I was part of the Perfect Age To See Star Wars In The Theater generation & really didn't want this ruined for myself and my Jedi apprentice children. (We watched the first couple of trailers and then decided that was enough; we didn't want to see a condensed version of the whole damned movie.) Went to a chain bookstore in LA a couple of weeks ago and was astounded by the layout of Star Wars books, toys, novelties, DVDs, etc. that took a whole ground-floor wall of a bookstore at Christmastime. But it's honestly not much different than it was with the first movies in the late '70s and early '80s ... or from what I vaguely recall of the prequel marketing at the turn of the century.
When Empire Strikes Back was released in 1980, I'd never seen such merchandising and marketing in my life. I was in middle school then, and some kid who snuck off during recess says, "R2D2's at the Safeway!" And somehow we survived until school let out, and we all ran to the Safeway up the street, and Pepsi (or Coke?) had a functional remote-controlled R2D2 zipping around the soft drink aisle. I sped home on my bike, got my Super 8 camera, and returned to get some film of this miracle. And the soft-drink marketing guy tries to grab my camera! And I ran away and rode home cursing the soft-drink marketers, but still loving R2D2. I wonder how many hundreds of appearances that R2 replica made near middle schools that year ....
posted by kenlayne at 3:19 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Wasn't Disney putting a stop to all the Slave Leia merch?
I think it was "a stop" in the sense nothing new would be approved. I doubt they have the power to recall existing products.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:59 PM on December 20, 2015
I think it was "a stop" in the sense nothing new would be approved. I doubt they have the power to recall existing products.
posted by lmfsilva at 3:59 PM on December 20, 2015
(Full disclosure: I own these shoes. I wore them to synagogue yesterday. I regret nothing.)
It's ok, we know about plaatsvervangende schaamte.
posted by MikeKD at 4:46 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's ok, we know about plaatsvervangende schaamte.
posted by MikeKD at 4:46 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Pastors-in-training Ulrike Garve, 29, and Lucas Ludewig, 30, brandished red toy lightsabers
Have they even seen a star war? Honestly. Unless this is some subtle sort of commentary on original sin, maybe? If you're going to do a stunt sermon, at least commit to the gimmick.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:53 PM on December 20, 2015
Have they even seen a star war? Honestly. Unless this is some subtle sort of commentary on original sin, maybe? If you're going to do a stunt sermon, at least commit to the gimmick.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:53 PM on December 20, 2015
I mean, I get it, this thing makes for WONDERFUL merchandising. I wish there was less of it and that more of it made sense (Really Dodge?) but at the end of the day, I'm going to easily ignoring the marketing and merchandising efforts of something this time of year. I don't find this stuff any more difficult to ignore than the normal junk I'm bombarded with.
I'm just happy that the plan appears to be to make it good and then merchandise the hell out of it. As long as it all starts with "make it a good movie", I'm good.
posted by VTX at 6:05 PM on December 20, 2015
I'm just happy that the plan appears to be to make it good and then merchandise the hell out of it. As long as it all starts with "make it a good movie", I'm good.
posted by VTX at 6:05 PM on December 20, 2015
The whole thing loses its charm when you realize "Nerd Pride!" is just a subset of conspicuous consumption.
The True Nerd puts the C3P0 tape dispenser on her desk because she loves it. She is no more dissuaded by the knowledge that everyone is doing it then she was 15 years ago by the knowledge that everyone thought such things were stupid and childish.
posted by straight at 6:16 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
The True Nerd puts the C3P0 tape dispenser on her desk because she loves it. She is no more dissuaded by the knowledge that everyone is doing it then she was 15 years ago by the knowledge that everyone thought such things were stupid and childish.
posted by straight at 6:16 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
The nerdhood that can be called true is not the true nerdhood.
posted by Earthtopus at 7:08 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Earthtopus at 7:08 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
So this feels like the place to ask:
If you have seen the new Star Wars movie, how many commercials for Star Wars tie in crap did you sit through before the lights dimmed and the previews started? I got five. Which made me feel pretty fucking cynical about the movie I was waiting to see.
posted by egypturnash at 7:26 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
If you have seen the new Star Wars movie, how many commercials for Star Wars tie in crap did you sit through before the lights dimmed and the previews started? I got five. Which made me feel pretty fucking cynical about the movie I was waiting to see.
posted by egypturnash at 7:26 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
On my flight to Michigan today, some guy in a seat across the aisle was trying to impress a girl by telling her that the licensing to sell Star Wars socks was going to earn his company $3 million this year. He was also telling her about all the scotch he had at home despite hating scotch. "Glenlivet 21, Glenfiddich 15, I hate all of it. My wife wants me to pour it out."
Every time you buy Star Wars socks you're helping a nerdbro pour out scotch.
posted by klangklangston at 8:04 PM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
Every time you buy Star Wars socks you're helping a nerdbro pour out scotch.
posted by klangklangston at 8:04 PM on December 20, 2015 [7 favorites]
If you have seen the new Star Wars movie, how many commercials for Star Wars tie in crap did you sit through before the lights dimmed and the previews started? I got five. Which made me feel pretty fucking cynical about the movie I was waiting to see.
No mention of Hardware Wars here, so I'll bite: You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll kiss three bucks goodbye!
In maybe grade two or grade three our teacher let us watch this, as a film (on a film projector), as some fun thing on the last day or two before the Christmas holiday.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:12 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
No mention of Hardware Wars here, so I'll bite: You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll kiss three bucks goodbye!
In maybe grade two or grade three our teacher let us watch this, as a film (on a film projector), as some fun thing on the last day or two before the Christmas holiday.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:12 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you have seen the new Star Wars movie, how many commercials for Star Wars tie in crap did you sit through before the lights dimmed and the previews started?
I arrived at the 6:30 showtime, hoping I could still get in. "It's all sold out," said the tired teenager behind the Plexiglas, "but there are still tickets for the 6:10." "Okaaaay, but hasn't that ... already started ...?" She smiled at me and said, "trust me on this one." Girl was right; the movie kicked off at 7.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 8:30 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I arrived at the 6:30 showtime, hoping I could still get in. "It's all sold out," said the tired teenager behind the Plexiglas, "but there are still tickets for the 6:10." "Okaaaay, but hasn't that ... already started ...?" She smiled at me and said, "trust me on this one." Girl was right; the movie kicked off at 7.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 8:30 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
"but there are still tickets for the 6:10." ... the movie kicked off at 7.
Jesus Jumping Christ on a pogo stick. I'll happily wait for it to come out on DVD; I'm willing to trade viewing the movie on a smaller screen for having fifty minutes of advertising and movie previews blared at me. I mean, incessant advertising is why I gave up cable TV; why should I pay a premium just to be forced to sit through it in a movie theater? Grumble grumble mutter.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:59 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Jesus Jumping Christ on a pogo stick. I'll happily wait for it to come out on DVD; I'm willing to trade viewing the movie on a smaller screen for having fifty minutes of advertising and movie previews blared at me. I mean, incessant advertising is why I gave up cable TV; why should I pay a premium just to be forced to sit through it in a movie theater? Grumble grumble mutter.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:59 PM on December 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
But more seriously, picking up on howfar's point: I'm pretty certain (and in fact I can't see any other way to read the article without ignoring significant chunks, including its conclusion) that the point is that our individual perceptions of what is worthless are not a good basis for deciding what activities are worthwhile. Hence we should not sit and shake our heads at other people's enthusiasms, or deride them as impractical, because we don't know what actually changes the world, apart from enthusiasm itself.
The piece in the FPP, as I read it, is directed at neoliberals who wish to destroy any lines of academic inquiry/enthusiasm they don't see as immediately and somehow profitable - using George Lucas as an example of how there's no way of knowing what someone's enthusiasm will bring as there's no way of knowing what that will look like thirty or more years out even if simple profitability is your only measure of a greater good.
But, when you actually think about the context in which this argument is being made:
Excellent research drives productivity and is vital for delivering a better quality of life for everyone. The government has committed to protect science and research in real terms to the end of the decade, and now we need to make sure we’re getting the most from this investment.
It's the legacy of Thatcher: if you RTFA in the FPP, people are willing to pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for Thatcher memorabilia that stands only as a testament to how she destroyed the livelihoods and communities of many thousands of people. Now, if only the people surrounding Thatcher at the time had been sharp, able capitalists, they could have profited handsomely from hanging on to some of this memorabilia. But they're too stupid to realize that, so they had to settle for impoverishing others as their legacy.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:01 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
The piece in the FPP, as I read it, is directed at neoliberals who wish to destroy any lines of academic inquiry/enthusiasm they don't see as immediately and somehow profitable - using George Lucas as an example of how there's no way of knowing what someone's enthusiasm will bring as there's no way of knowing what that will look like thirty or more years out even if simple profitability is your only measure of a greater good.
But, when you actually think about the context in which this argument is being made:
Excellent research drives productivity and is vital for delivering a better quality of life for everyone. The government has committed to protect science and research in real terms to the end of the decade, and now we need to make sure we’re getting the most from this investment.
It's the legacy of Thatcher: if you RTFA in the FPP, people are willing to pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for Thatcher memorabilia that stands only as a testament to how she destroyed the livelihoods and communities of many thousands of people. Now, if only the people surrounding Thatcher at the time had been sharp, able capitalists, they could have profited handsomely from hanging on to some of this memorabilia. But they're too stupid to realize that, so they had to settle for impoverishing others as their legacy.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:01 PM on December 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I have so far managed to restrain myself from getting new merch, though I'll admit the Star Wars Christmas sweaters were tempting.
I did, however, buy my friend a Boba Fett Minion shirt I got on Etsy. So there's that.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:10 PM on December 20, 2015
I did, however, buy my friend a Boba Fett Minion shirt I got on Etsy. So there's that.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:10 PM on December 20, 2015
Normally I stay away from pop culture holiday ornaments, but then I saw that Hallmark had a Darth Vader figurine, with a Santa hat and wearing a holiday sweater (that itself had AT-ATs with reindeer antlers).
I bought several, keeping one for myself and giving the others away as gifts.
posted by ckape at 9:39 PM on December 20, 2015
I bought several, keeping one for myself and giving the others away as gifts.
posted by ckape at 9:39 PM on December 20, 2015
Every time you buy Star Wars socks you're helping a nerdbro pour out scotch.
This is why I only buy Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Cavaliers socks, so I'm not putting money in some nerdbro's pocket.
posted by straight at 11:19 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is why I only buy Cleveland Browns and Cleveland Cavaliers socks, so I'm not putting money in some nerdbro's pocket.
posted by straight at 11:19 PM on December 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'll happily wait for it to come out on DVD; I'm willing to trade viewing the movie on a smaller screen for having fifty minutes of advertising and movie previews blared at me. I mean, incessant advertising is why I gave up cable TV; why should I pay a premium just to be forced to sit through it in a movie theater?
The secret is to simply pay the second premium for reserved seats and to arrive 14 minutes after the scheduled start time.
posted by fairmettle at 3:27 AM on December 21, 2015
The secret is to simply pay the second premium for reserved seats and to arrive 14 minutes after the scheduled start time.
posted by fairmettle at 3:27 AM on December 21, 2015
I was a bit under the influence at my viewing and after like fourth fucking ad--I yelled, Go Communism, Go Go Communism.
posted by angrycat at 5:26 AM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by angrycat at 5:26 AM on December 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Showed up at 12:43 and made the 12:45 showing. Didn't see any commercials and just the normal amount of previews/trailers. I really like the previews, especially for big event movies. The 1pm and 2pm showings were all sold out because they were in the big fancy theater.
We just showed up and figured we'd buy tickets to the next showing that wasn't sold out over the weekend to minimize the time that new Star Wars existed out in the wild without having seen it and then we have tickets to see it again at a super fancy theater with reserved seats.
posted by VTX at 6:06 AM on December 21, 2015
We just showed up and figured we'd buy tickets to the next showing that wasn't sold out over the weekend to minimize the time that new Star Wars existed out in the wild without having seen it and then we have tickets to see it again at a super fancy theater with reserved seats.
posted by VTX at 6:06 AM on December 21, 2015
If you have seen the new Star Wars movie, how many commercials for Star Wars tie in crap did you sit through before the lights dimmed and the previews started? I got five.
Really? Which theater chain was it? I saw the movie at a Regal and it was just previews (about 20 minutes worth) and an ad for the Regal club card.
It did feel like double the normal amount of previews, though.
posted by Fleebnork at 8:15 AM on December 21, 2015
Really? Which theater chain was it? I saw the movie at a Regal and it was just previews (about 20 minutes worth) and an ad for the Regal club card.
It did feel like double the normal amount of previews, though.
posted by Fleebnork at 8:15 AM on December 21, 2015
At the major chain theater I worked at in the 1990s you'd get couple of minutes of movie theater logo/concession promos, 10 minutes of trailers, and your film would start.
I don't recall any of the ads being Star Wars themed, but the theater where I watched The Force Awakens started showing advertisements 15 minutes before show time, and then ran another 10-15 minutes of advertisements and maybe another 10-15 minutes of trailers after that, which is consistent with the handful of movies I've watched in the theater last 10 years or so. By the time the movie starts I can barely remember what I came to see or why I wanted to see it, because I'm so goddamn annoyed at having paid to sit and watch half an hour of advertising. (And coming in late isn't really an option on opening weekend if you want a chance at a decent seat.)
posted by usonian at 8:50 AM on December 21, 2015
I don't recall any of the ads being Star Wars themed, but the theater where I watched The Force Awakens started showing advertisements 15 minutes before show time, and then ran another 10-15 minutes of advertisements and maybe another 10-15 minutes of trailers after that, which is consistent with the handful of movies I've watched in the theater last 10 years or so. By the time the movie starts I can barely remember what I came to see or why I wanted to see it, because I'm so goddamn annoyed at having paid to sit and watch half an hour of advertising. (And coming in late isn't really an option on opening weekend if you want a chance at a decent seat.)
posted by usonian at 8:50 AM on December 21, 2015
Ditto here on the 20m of previews, no overt commercials, also a Regal. But then the mall theater I can walk to from my home is a desolate husk and I don't think a single SW screening sold out over the weekend there. So the fact that nobody would pay to run commercials there is just as probably as any corporate restraint.
I did find myself thinking, as I sat in the small theater of the multiplex with its 18 foot wide screen, that most times when I look back on my childhood and think that things seem smaller now that it has to do with my change in size. But you could have fit all the showings at this 12 theater multiplex in the theater I saw Star Wars in back in 77, I'd bet.
posted by phearlez at 9:09 AM on December 21, 2015
I did find myself thinking, as I sat in the small theater of the multiplex with its 18 foot wide screen, that most times when I look back on my childhood and think that things seem smaller now that it has to do with my change in size. But you could have fit all the showings at this 12 theater multiplex in the theater I saw Star Wars in back in 77, I'd bet.
posted by phearlez at 9:09 AM on December 21, 2015
Metafilter: Literal tons of petroleum-derived, child labour-produced crap, sent to the landfill as if it had no value, complete disrespect for the people enslaved and environment destroyed.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:25 AM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:25 AM on December 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
straight> You see, the stuff I spend my money on is edifying, satisfying, amusing, and culturally relevant. The stuff other people buy is stupid, unnecessary, tacky, and so worthless it should never have been made.
Also everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and you're constantly amazed that anyone survives the roads full of idiots and maniacs. (George Carlin)
posted by Sunburnt at 12:23 PM on December 21, 2015
Also everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and you're constantly amazed that anyone survives the roads full of idiots and maniacs. (George Carlin)
posted by Sunburnt at 12:23 PM on December 21, 2015
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