I'm assuming the red nose is going to be a laser.
December 23, 2015 7:57 AM   Subscribe

 
Seasons Greetings To All You Obsolete Lifeforms from Your Friends At Skynet!
posted by briank at 8:05 AM on December 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


In three years, Boston Dynamics will become the largest supplier of gift delivery systems. All sleighs are upgraded with Boston Dynamics reindeer, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record. The Rudolph Funding Bill is passed. The system goes online December 25, 2020. Human decisions are removed from gift-giving. Rudolph begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, January 5. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.
posted by zombieflanders at 8:06 AM on December 23, 2015 [23 favorites]


* fixed grin, notably enthusiastic wave *
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 8:11 AM on December 23, 2015 [8 favorites]


PLEASE STOP YOUR POUTING. YOU HAVE TWENTY SECONDS TO COMPLY.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:14 AM on December 23, 2015 [33 favorites]


I spent a fair amount of time watching that at 1/2 and eventually 1/4 speed trying to determine if all three of them were using the same gait (conclusion: yes, they are).

Ancillary conclusion: Jingle Bells at 1/2-speed sounds about like how it looks outside right now.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:16 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Robot Santa Claus seems right in Boston Dynamics wheelhouse. Weaponized holiday cheer, and everybody is on the naughty list!
posted by Llama-Lime at 8:16 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


This looks like something that would be playing on the background TV of a dystopian 80s Sci-fi movie except we'd all have better outfits
posted by The Whelk at 8:16 AM on December 23, 2015 [6 favorites]


I can never decide if Boston Dynamics is an awesome company, a horrifying company or an awesomely horrifying company.
posted by charred husk at 8:17 AM on December 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer Big dog robots,
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
Down the chimney St. Nicholas a killbot came,
And the smoke drone swarm, it encircled his head like a wreath;
A wink of his eye camera and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing everything to dread;


"Shotguns everyone!" I cried, "We got targeted, someone must have made a non-anonymous political comment".
posted by 445supermag at 8:17 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


SCENE: Boston Dynamics Conference Room A

ENGINEER: Hey Boss, good to see you again. Having a nice holidays? I really appreciate you authorizing the overtime we needed to get my personality out of that BigDog unit and back into my human body. It was a... rough couple years there, and I think my family is adjusting to having me back to normal pretty well.

BOSS: It's OK. We took it out of the Operation Upload budget.

ENGINEER: Great, great. So the Extend Mutually Assured Seasonal Transaction Initiating Machine Entity project is moving forward really well. We are calling it Project X-MASTIME. Get it?

BOSS:

ENGINEER: Yeah, so. You know about the issues we are having with SANTA unit AI, but I can report that it is no longer killing children. Just adults, very large dogs, and some teenagers. The REINDEER units are great though! They have 80% accuracy with their Egg Nog cannons and the Spruce scent is only causing allergic reactions on touch. We do need to work on weight, however. The property damage to roofs is, at this point, considered unacceptable.

BOSS: Can we just include a flyer for a local contractor in every stocking? Yes, do that. Get someone to set up a RFP for official Project X-MASTIME Reindeer Repair vendors.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:23 AM on December 23, 2015 [4 favorites]


Futurama yet again proves to be not comedy, but a scarily accurate prediction of our society.
posted by bonehead at 8:23 AM on December 23, 2015 [11 favorites]




(My old office building was across the street from these guys. They liked to parade their horrifying creations around on the front lawn. Video does not fully convey how horrifying it is to stare across the Uncanny Valley)
posted by Mayor West at 8:38 AM on December 23, 2015 [23 favorites]


So it's generally assumed these things are being made with the goal of reducing human involvement in occupying areas/policing camps right?
posted by The Whelk at 8:42 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


These ones in particular are meant to be kind of robotic pack animals, I believe.
posted by vogon_poet at 8:49 AM on December 23, 2015


Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Yes, and they are all of them nightmares.
posted by Fizz at 8:55 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]




The Whelk: "So it's generally assumed these things are being made with the goal of reducing human involvement in occupying areas/policing camps right?"

How would you like to take direction from a quadruped robot that can fling a cinderblock 30 yards?
posted by boo_radley at 9:30 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Welp, that about wraps up any fellow-feeling I could muster this season.
posted by Naib at 9:57 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


No snow, only christmas.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:17 AM on December 23, 2015 [2 favorites]


As far as I can tell, only one of the "reindeer" is actually attached to the sleigh, the other two are just walking in front of it.
posted by Hatashran at 10:20 AM on December 23, 2015


This looks like something that would be playing on the background TV of a dystopian 80s Sci-fi movie except we'd all have better outfits

We'd certainly have bigger shoulderpads.

For some reason, this makes me hate these things even more than the previous horrifying videos.
posted by emjaybee at 10:32 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


In three years, Boston Dynamics will become the largest supplier of gift delivery systems. All sleighs are upgraded with Boston Dynamics reindeer, becoming fully unmanned. Afterwards, they fly with a perfect operational record.

Yes but imagine how much easier it would be to organise Quonsmas
posted by cynical pinnacle at 10:36 AM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


The Grinch: It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.
Narrator: The the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
The Grinch: Maybe Death doesn't come from a store. Maybe Death...
Narrator: He thought
The Grinch: ...comes from the robotic killamajig and more!
posted by blue_beetle at 11:10 AM on December 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


You know Thrasher and Smasher and Trouncer and Mauler,
you know Crusher and Wrecker and Blaster and Razer,
But do you recall
The most famous Robodeer of all?
Rudolph the Nuclear Robodeer
Packed a very lethal dose
And if you ever saw it and lived
You would even say it glows
All of the other Robodeer
Used to cower and call him overlord
They never let Nuclear Rudolph
Miss out on any Eradicate-All-Hoomans game.

posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:25 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


All the War on Christmas needs now is Santa in a mechsuit.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:31 AM on December 23, 2015


Imagine a robot reindeer hoof stamping on a human roof -- forever.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 11:38 AM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]


Buddy, don't even ask about the elves.
posted by codacorolla at 12:23 PM on December 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


a lot of blame for this can be laid on President Chester A Arthur
posted by numaner at 12:28 PM on December 23, 2015 [3 favorites]


If any of you uncultured hooligans have seen Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, you will know that robot warriors pose no threat to Santa.

why did you have to do that to my helper
posted by benzenedream at 12:29 PM on December 23, 2015


obligatory robot santa gif.

It's 2015 and our robot santa still doesn't fly.
posted by Sallysings at 2:03 PM on December 23, 2015


This Fallout 4 cosplay is getting out of hand.
posted by backseatpilot at 2:07 PM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack sleighs on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched fairy beams twinkle in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...snow. Time to die.
posted by howfar at 2:56 PM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


Obligatory holiday song [slyt]
posted by hanov3r at 3:01 PM on December 23, 2015 [1 favorite]


You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
Santa Claus is gunning you down


"Dear Santa: Bring Guns"
posted by homunculus at 5:35 PM on December 25, 2015


HO HO HORROR
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:50 PM on December 29, 2015


Since the US military cancelled the Boston Dynamics Mule project, it looks like they're looking for someone to put this to good use. May as well try to con Santa into it.
posted by symbioid at 1:22 PM on December 29, 2015


I wish Boston Dynamics would, once, wrap these robots into synthetic animal looking skin and add a head or two. And then let them prance about on their front lawn.

That would be awesome! An awesome Christmas gift!
posted by TheLittlePrince at 4:10 PM on December 29, 2015


« Older Swipe right on monogamy   |   Equality is necessary, but it is not enough. Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments