A Victorian booty call: Come see our new Lamp. You can turn it down low.
January 7, 2016 2:03 AM   Subscribe

 
These are absolutely delightfully childish. It's like if PG Wodehouse had written 'dirty' jokes.
posted by Dysk at 2:36 AM on January 7, 2016 [10 favorites]


I really like James' L Gallas (Kissing Rogue)'s card.

I may get a variation of these printed up for myself.
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 2:43 AM on January 7, 2016 [4 favorites]


Damn, I love the language on these things.
posted by kinnakeet at 2:53 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


I still want to know what the one about paying the laundrywoman is about.
posted by Samizdata at 2:59 AM on January 7, 2016 [6 favorites]


Urg. I suppose these are supposed to be cute, but they just seem like the Victorian version of catcalls or "clever" pickup line t-shirts.
posted by Bugbread at 3:02 AM on January 7, 2016 [4 favorites]


Absurd?
posted by fairmettle at 3:14 AM on January 7, 2016


Bugbread: "Urg. I suppose these are supposed to be cute, but they just seem like the Victorian version of catcalls or "clever" pickup line t-shirts."

Like the one that says HRMBI?

You know, Her Royal Majesty's Body Inspector?

Or the tunic marked "Yon bald pate actuates an engine of love, fed by Phoebus himself"?
posted by Samizdata at 3:16 AM on January 7, 2016 [37 favorites]


Apparently, there was a hanky system that (it seems like) gave women (or I guess, girls) a fair bit of control. Perfect for awkward types, too. I think we should bring this back.
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:28 AM on January 7, 2016 [3 favorites]


While I register a complaint about the merger of Gizmodo and io9....

Urg. I suppose these are supposed to be cute, but they just seem like the Victorian version of catcalls or "clever" pickup line t-shirts.

Victorian England doesn't give a fuck about your fanciful notions of equality or respect.

Apparently, there was a hanky system

Oh wow. I thought that was ur-Internet lore that explained how The Gays picked up in the 'Dark Ages'. I had no idea there was an actual hankey codex.
posted by Mezentian at 3:30 AM on January 7, 2016


It's not a common expression anymore, but getting the mitten means you do not get the hand.
posted by ikalliom at 3:42 AM on January 7, 2016 [32 favorites]


Love 'em, though bugbread's comment reminds of all the things people treat as funny or playful that are neither, from guns to pirates.
posted by cupcakeninja at 3:52 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


I believe I heard something a while back about some guy trying to bring these back not too long ago, and the universal opinion on being the recipient of such a card was negative.
posted by peppermind at 3:57 AM on January 7, 2016


I saw something on these a year or so ago and I wish I could remember where. I spent like two hours just looking through dozens and dozens of them. They are so funny.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:01 AM on January 7, 2016


"Licence to Knock and Butt-In" ftw
posted by chavenet at 4:12 AM on January 7, 2016 [6 favorites]


Aha, it was probably this post, which was worth it if only for the card I found for "James L. Gallas, Kissing Rogue. Kissing our main specialty, hugging a sideline" on Hugtite Lane, Squeezemburg (also in this FPP link).
posted by triggerfinger at 4:13 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Seems to me like these could make a resurgence at the right parties with the right group of folk. Maybe some kind of Ripper Street convention mixer.

It's always fun to look back at our past through the lens of hindsight... but then it's nearly always cringe-inducing, too.
posted by gmb at 4:24 AM on January 7, 2016


I had no idea there was an actual hankey codex.

Oh ok, I'm no expert on Victorian dating norms (or on dating norms of gay culture in the 80s or whenever - though I've heard that as well, from people who claim to have been there.). The NPR piece linked from the article describes a flirting norm involving the mere dangling of a hanky, no further detail. I think that's probably as far as any system went. But who knows, those Victorians were pretty crafty.
posted by cotton dress sock at 4:24 AM on January 7, 2016 [4 favorites]


Calling cards are not absurd in the least. In fact they are wonderful, amusing, clever and fun.

I hope they make a come back.
posted by rmmcclay at 4:27 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


The kissing rogue card and the sheik card are not Victorian. They are from well into the 20th century, based on the design and typefaces.
posted by litlnemo at 4:39 AM on January 7, 2016 [12 favorites]


"Handlebar Moustache Rides, 1s/6d"

I can just picture Richard Francis Burton having a stack of those to hand out. There was a man who was very much unafraid of fucking.
posted by longbaugh at 4:40 AM on January 7, 2016 [7 favorites]


The kissing rogue card and the sheik card are not Victorian.

I never watched WWF, but my brain.... went there.
posted by Mezentian at 4:42 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


Someone from the age of Tindr thinks pick up line calling cards are absurd?

Also, I reposted this on Facebook and was told that I "find the best stuff". Thank you colfax!
posted by Omnomnom at 4:48 AM on January 7, 2016 [3 favorites]


The kissing rogue card and the sheik card are not Victorian. They are from well into the 20th century, based on the design and typefaces.

I'm no design expert, but that was my first thought as well.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:52 AM on January 7, 2016


I think some of these were more for showing to your pals down the bar than presenting to an actual woman.
posted by Segundus at 5:03 AM on January 7, 2016 [8 favorites]


“I choo choo chose you...”
posted by Fizz at 5:04 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


Most of these are sort of grubby but there's something about the new lamp one - maybe the odd capitalisation? - that makes it seem quite earnest and charming. Less false modesty than the rest.
posted by ocular shenanigans at 5:18 AM on January 7, 2016


Stereoscope and chill?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:24 AM on January 7, 2016 [22 favorites]


The Sheikh cards are from the 1920s, when hip lads called themselves that and they gave them to Shebas, their female counterparts.
posted by headspace at 5:29 AM on January 7, 2016 [5 favorites]


Before we dismiss the Victorians' habits as absurd, perhaps we should consider how our own ways might be viewed in 150 years time.
posted by Paul Slade at 5:36 AM on January 7, 2016 [6 favorites]


Similar cards are still around; I have seen a number of variations on this one, for example. And as Segundus mentioned above, they seem used for amusing your drinking buddies as much as anything else.
posted by TedW at 5:59 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


...Back in my day the ladies had to make a semaphore "L" with their arms to inform their friends about the gentleman trying to pick them up at a bar. There was no texting or swiping left. Also, the Dating Game was good to watch couples say dumb things to each other and almost safe to watch with your parents, but Singled Out was swiping left en masse, and the true joy in disgust was watching the dating shows where they pitted couples who would hate each other right after Jerry Springer.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:06 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


I think some of these were more for showing to your pals down the bar than presenting to an actual woman.

I wondered about this too. Or as viral advertising for the print shop that made them?
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:29 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Let's get acquainted, for fun and results.

Results!
posted by ignignokt at 6:30 AM on January 7, 2016 [9 favorites]


Before we dismiss the Victorians' habits as absurd, perhaps we should consider how our own ways might be viewed in 150 years time.


Buzz feed 2055:
Check out these adorable "mixtapes" teenagers used to gain attention of the partner they fancied in Reaganite America. Songs symbolizing the giver's affection would be transferred to cassettes of magnetic tape and left, sometimes anonymously, near the object's school locker.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:34 AM on January 7, 2016 [24 favorites]


OFFICE HOURS 1 TO WON
posted by angrycat at 6:45 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


I am now imagining, 100 years from now, people cooing over our quaint "Big Johnson" t-shirts.
posted by GameDesignerBen at 6:48 AM on January 7, 2016 [5 favorites]


RESULTS {nsfw}
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:55 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Remember pick up lines? With the bad puns and so forth? So cute. Now 9/11ers just scream LETS FUCK at each other across silent discos and commence copulating right there in the Soylent foam.

posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:55 AM on January 7, 2028

posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:00 AM on January 7, 2016 [25 favorites]


Etchings and chill
posted by duffell at 7:02 AM on January 7, 2016 [5 favorites]


GameDesignerBen: "I am now imagining, 100 years from now, people cooing over our quaint "Big Johnson" t-shirts."

Also "Coed Naked" t-shirts. That is a thing that happened.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:14 AM on January 7, 2016 [4 favorites]


I am now imagining, 100 years from now, people cooing over our quaint "Big Johnson" t-shirts.

Why would anyone disparage a sartorial appreciation for Samuel Johnson?
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:15 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


Buzzfeed 2055? I think there are a couple dozen "LOL mixtapes" articles on there already. Zappa's prediction of death-by-nostalgia is still medium odds.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:21 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Paul Slade: "Before we dismiss the Victorians' habits as absurd, perhaps we should consider how our own ways might be viewed in 150 years time."

No need for that. I think our own ways absurd already!
posted by chavenet at 7:24 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


lol old-timey people amirite?

wait, hang on... i'm having a vision.... it'a blip-listicle-vert from 2116 being beamed directly into my frontal lobe:

Young People Used These Absurd Little Cards Apps to Get Laid in the 19th 21st Century.
posted by entropicamericana at 7:50 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


"There was just as much fucking going then as now"

-Henry Miller
posted by clavdivs at 7:53 AM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


SQUEEZEMBURG
posted by JHarris at 8:05 AM on January 7, 2016 [3 favorites]


I am now imagining, 100 years from now, people cooing over our quaint "Big Johnson" t-shirts.

The first time I saw one of those "Fire Extinguisher" with a down arrow T-shirts was in 1988, which is already over 25 years ago. Not quite long enough to be an antique, but definitely old enough for a Buzzfeed listicle retrospective.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:07 AM on January 7, 2016




Though not as well known as others, and ultimately resulting in stalemate, Squeezemburg was one of the most bloody and calamitous battles of the Civil War.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:39 AM on January 7, 2016 [5 favorites]


RobotVoodooPower: " Zappa's prediction of death-by-nostalgia is still medium odds."

Boy, I remember that. We really had people making predictions back in those days.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:58 AM on January 7, 2016 [7 favorites]


Almost every one of these cards could be a Decemberists album or song title.
posted by Joey Michaels at 9:04 AM on January 7, 2016 [10 favorites]


For fun and results. Surprisingly modern that one.
posted by tommasz at 9:14 AM on January 7, 2016


Reminds me a bit of ham radio QSL cards, which often run toward the funny or risque.
posted by me3dia at 9:15 AM on January 7, 2016


Back in the late 90s it was somewhat common at least in the gay community for people to print up their own cards with name and contact info as an easy way to give your phone number & email to potential hookups in bars. Usually called "trick cards." I don't think people do that so much now because of smartphones.
posted by dnash at 9:57 AM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Though not as well known as others, and ultimately resulting in stalemate, Squeezemburg was one of the most bloody and calamitous battles of the Civil War.

This is a common error. While quite calamitous, the Battle of Squeezemburg was decided by the definitely curious (and quickly abandoned) military doctrine of the "Martial Hug," where soldiers tried to affectionately hug their opposite numbers into submission (rather than the more popular shooting, clubbing, and stabbing that characterized the war otherwise). While the soldiers seemed to enjoy this form of contest much more than the more common sort of battle, it did lead to some activities which the generals felt were "inconducive to good morale" (and indeed, to good morals), and the doctrine was rejected as a failure. Walt Whitman noted in his diary the deep disappointment in the abandonment of this doctrine, and wrote a poem about his experience carrying water to the spent champions on the field.

Imagine how much better WWI would have been if the lessons of Squeezemburg had not been ignored!
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:05 AM on January 7, 2016 [8 favorites]


This is a common error. While quite calamitous, the Battle of Squeezemburg was decided by the definitely curious (and quickly abandoned) military doctrine of the "Martial Hug," where soldiers tried to affectionately hug their opposite numbers into submission (rather than the more popular shooting, clubbing, and stabbing that characterized the war otherwise). While the soldiers seemed to enjoy this form of contest much more than the more common sort of battle, it did lead to some activities which the generals felt were "inconducive to good morale" (and indeed, to good morals), and the doctrine was rejected as a failure. Walt Whitman noted in his diary the deep disappointment in the abandonment of this doctrine, and wrote a poem about his experience carrying water to the spent champions on the field.

Imagine how much better WWI would have been if the lessons of Squeezemburg had not been ignored!


It was also at Squeezemburg where battalions equipped with the Pickelhaube would prove to be a liability in the field, as the initial deployment of a Martial Hug would often be accompanied by an unintended impalement of an adversary, thereby defeating the purpose.

Battalions equipped with the Stahlhelm would prove much more effective (and their adversaries less tentative) in the deployment of the Martial Hug.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:45 PM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


Wait, the German army was involved in the US Civil War? Mind=blown
posted by clorox at 1:43 PM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]


Mind=blown

Everyone needs a hug.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:06 PM on January 7, 2016 [2 favorites]


Chrysostom: "Also "Coed Naked" t-shirts. That is a thing that happened."

I have googled this. I have found multiple sites discussing. Yet I still can't shake the feeling that it's just some sort of concerted practical joke, like the Internet has gathered together to say, "Hey, Bugbread, did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?"
posted by Bugbread at 3:09 PM on January 7, 2016


Yet I still can't shake the feeling that it's just some sort of concerted practical joke, like the Internet has gathered together to say, "Hey, Bugbread, did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?"

Surprisingly, you can still buy them. I don't think I've seen someone wearing one in about five years, though back in the day I saw both men and women wearing them.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:33 PM on January 7, 2016


Wait, the German army was involved in the US Civil War? Mind=blown

It's not that. It's that a whole lot of south and central Texas (and what is now northern Mexico) saw a huge influx of German settlers in the mid-19th century. Many settlements were named by homesick Germans nostalgic for the trappings of home -- like sausage, and oompah music. It's for this reason you see southern towns named Squeezemburg, for example. See also, Tubaville, Dudelsackdorf, and Glockenspielhausen.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:30 PM on January 7, 2016 [4 favorites]


Wait, the German army was involved in the US Civil War? Mind=blown

Well, like Berlin, Ontario (now Kitchener), Squeezemburg was so named because it was initially settled by German immigrants in the early 19th century.

As it was located Florida, it would see no major Civil War battles. Luckily, it was ideally named for what would later become a major orange juice processing operation. This remains the town's primary industry today.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:35 PM on January 7, 2016


Bugbread: "Yet I still can't shake the feeling that it's just some sort of concerted practical joke"

I can attest that my roommate had one ("Coed Naked Volleyball", as I recall) freshman year of college. So '91-'92.

He had Big Johnson shirts, too. Not actually a bad guy, but we had pretty different senses of what was humorous.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:23 PM on January 7, 2016


I can attest that my roommate had one ("Coed Naked Volleyball", as I recall) freshman year of college. So '91-'92.

Also the era of wearables boasting the phrase "Freelance Gynecologist."

Yep.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:51 PM on January 7, 2016


Reminds me a bit of ham radio QSL cards...

Annotation: Those were all citizens band cards, not amateur radio cards. I'm not saying there haven't been risque ham radio QSL cards, but they are awfully few and far between. CB'ers were by far more inclined to this sort of thing.
posted by bryon at 10:42 PM on January 7, 2016


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