Deal from strength or get crushed every time
January 14, 2016 1:30 PM   Subscribe

 
"Ameritude"??
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 1:36 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


My partner is extremely susceptible to Rick Santorum's Game On as an earworm so hopefully this #1 January Jam will work as a cure!
posted by majuju at 1:37 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


It's a portmanteau of America and turpitude
posted by aubilenon at 1:38 PM on January 14, 2016 [28 favorites]


I was gonna make some comparison to Hitlerjugend but honestly this is far too bland.
posted by Nelson at 1:39 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Oh, those poor, poor girls.
posted by gurple at 1:41 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Oh, those poor, poor girls.

Honestly, they're the only ones there who actually look like they're having fun.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 1:42 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


I feel bad for passing this around this morning, because laughing about Trump is PART OF THE PROBLEM at this point, and we are all clearly falling into a trap. A very effective trap. Still - this is legimitately one of the most bizarre and astonishing things that has come out of this campaign, and that's saying a lot. I can barely wrap my head around it.
posted by naju at 1:45 PM on January 14, 2016 [15 favorites]


o.O
my head just exploded
posted by djeo at 1:47 PM on January 14, 2016


(for any mod thinking about removing my last comment, that is a sincere reaction and a commentary in its own right)
posted by djeo at 1:50 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Oh, those poor, poor girls.


Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:55 PM on January 14, 2016 [74 favorites]


The republican party is beyond parody.
posted by octothorpe at 1:57 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


Maybe this is a good thread to drop the NerdWriter's video on how Donald Trump answers a question.
posted by pharm at 1:57 PM on January 14, 2016 [28 favorites]


Honestly, they're the only ones there who actually look like they're having fun.

Sure, they're having fun NOW, but in 20 years they're going to be on one of those "Whatever Happened To...." web sites and the fun won't last, I tell you.
posted by Floydd at 1:57 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Sure, they're having fun NOW, but in 20 years they're going to be on one of those "Whatever Happened To...." web sites and the fun won't last, I tell you.

If memory serves, many Republican wunderkinds wind up recanting everything they say and come out as liberals in their college newspapers.
posted by Think_Long at 2:00 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


♫ Trump eats the sun and drinks the sky and they both go with him when he diiiiiieeees.......
posted by mrjohnmuller at 2:00 PM on January 14, 2016 [22 favorites]


Only three of the five Freedom Kids are present, and if you’re looking for info about them, the group’s website explains:

September 11th is a day America faced a setback. But as General George S. Patton said … All real Americans love a winner. With that, the USA Freedom Kids are born …
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:02 PM on January 14, 2016


George M. Cohan is writhing in his grave.
posted by kinnakeet at 2:05 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


A key change would have been nice.

Oops, forgot ... spoiler alert.
posted by vverse23 at 2:05 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I hope this signals a more general transition to musical campaigning, particularly for Trump:

The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it
If you think this country's bad off now,
Just wait 'til I get through with it

The country's taxes must be fixed
And I know what to do with it
If you think you're paying too much now
Just wait till I get through with it

*Whistle*

I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair
I'm strictly on the up-and-up, so everyone beware
If any man's caught taking graft, and I don't get my share
We stand him up against the wall and pop! Goes the weasel

posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:07 PM on January 14, 2016 [17 favorites]


Oh my god. That was real?
posted by procrastination at 2:07 PM on January 14, 2016 [10 favorites]


Can someone please explain if this is real or not? I am honestly confused. It sounds like it was lipsynced but there are definitely real humans dancing. It looks like it was greenscreened but it appears to be from a real news channel. It sounds like it was written as a satire but so does every other creative effort done by conservatives.

I don't... what... help. I'm trapped in an episode of Black Mirror.
posted by 0xFCAF at 2:08 PM on January 14, 2016 [54 favorites]


You can't fool me. This is the upcoming cold open skit on SNL. I mean that guy dead center is just Lorne in a t shirt.
posted by cmfletcher at 2:08 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


That every person sitting in view behind that stage did not have their mouths hanging open in horror is terrifying to me.
posted by zzazazz at 2:11 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


At long last, the final verse to "We Didn't Start the Fire" has been written.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:13 PM on January 14, 2016 [28 favorites]


This reminds me of how old timey music is used by the politician in O Brother Where Are Thou, except the music isn't old timey or, in fact, music.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:14 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


Trump Jam is rancid.
posted by davebush at 2:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Worst "Lazytown" episode ever.
posted by drezdn at 2:17 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


That's cute and all but this is still the official trump jam
posted by theodolite at 2:18 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Ah, if the GOP types get stopped over and over for using music from rock groups, then turn to the past and use a song, suggestive of sending, again, troops to fight. Hell, no. I won't go. Nor did Trump
posted by Postroad at 2:18 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


This offends me . . . as a musician. The music so clearly ripping off Blondie's Heart of Glass; the incredibly awkward phrasing! bah. now I hate him more than ever.
posted by gorbichov at 2:21 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Pepsi, er, Prussian Blue?
posted by AJaffe at 2:21 PM on January 14, 2016 [21 favorites]


I got as far as "EN-UH-MEEES....OF FREEE-DOOOOOM" and noped out so hard that my mouse actually went back in time and gave Douglas Engelbart ideas.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:23 PM on January 14, 2016 [27 favorites]


It should go without saying, but the girls themselves are not to blame. No need to dig up anything on them, please be kind, etc.
posted by naju at 2:24 PM on January 14, 2016 [10 favorites]


Trump needs to get himself a Leni Riefenstahl. The cinematography on that was hardly inspirational.
posted by tommasz at 2:25 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


This is the greatness which Trump would like to return to America.
posted by rhizome at 2:26 PM on January 14, 2016 [18 favorites]


I was gonna make some comparison to Hitlerjugend but honestly this is far too bland.

The Nazis had far, far better costumes, choreography, and staging. This is just penny-ante bland terribleness, without even the smallest of aesthetic redeeming qualities.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:27 PM on January 14, 2016 [9 favorites]


If this is real, then it's staggeringly shitty and inept, even for Donald Trump, and it's hard to imagine how the basic concept even got green-lighted, let alone how it made it all the way to a live stage.

If it's satire, then it's pretty limp satire. Which makes me suspect that it's not satire. But that's exactly what the creators would want me to think if it were satire, so...

I'm so confused. I do know that I loathe and fear it, whatever it is.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 2:27 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


Well, what else are you going to do when you can't touch Mellencamp, Heart, The Talking Heads, Springsteen, or the Pretenders? (I'm just waiting for the day a Republican Wonk tries to reframe DEVO.)
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 2:28 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


Paging Rufus T. Firefly. . .
posted by rdone at 2:29 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Trump is going to win the Republican nomination, no doubt about it. If you listen closely, people are starting to refer to him as "President Trump" already (in the linked song, it's at 0:30). And actually, the only person that would make a better Republican nominee would be Vladimir Putin. I'm serious. Here's why:

The trend in Republican candidates clearly goes to cartoonishly evil super-villains. McCain - Romney - Trump, you see the pattern there? Now, who is the only person in the world that is even more cartoonishly super-evil than Donald Trump? Vladimir Putin, that's who. OK, there's Darth Vader and Lord Voldemort, but focus groups have shown that they are considered to be "not tough enough on immigration" by the Republican base. Some also find their lack of faith disturbing.

Also, Putin is a leader with results. Putin got Russia the Crimean peninsula. That's like the Florida of Russia, except with much fewer rapists. What has Obama ever done for America? I mean, except for bringing affordable health care to those who really need it.

And don't give me any of that "Putin's not a natural born citizen." That didn't stop Obama from becoming president now, did it?
posted by sour cream at 2:31 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


If this is real, then it's staggeringly shitty and inept, even for Donald Trump, and it's hard to imagine how the basic concept even got green-lighted, let alone how it made it all the way to a live stage.

If it's satire, then it's pretty limp satire. Which makes me suspect that it's not satire. But that's exactly what the creators would want me to think if it were satire, so...

I'm so confused. I do know that I loathe and fear it, whatever it is.


I can't help but feel that we're moving past Poe's Law to the Poe Singularity, where reality becomes a satire of itself.
posted by nubs at 2:31 PM on January 14, 2016 [23 favorites]


Fiction is over. Why would I read a "book" when this is our reality?
posted by incomple at 2:33 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


Desperately needs to be covered by Laibach.
posted by vverse23 at 2:34 PM on January 14, 2016 [20 favorites]


Fourth stage, precession of simulacra.
posted by Rat Spatula at 2:34 PM on January 14, 2016 [15 favorites]


I just showed this to a couple friends, and their immediate comment was how... north korean it is.

which, yea.
posted by emptythought at 2:36 PM on January 14, 2016 [17 favorites]


The North Koreans are much more coordinated.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:37 PM on January 14, 2016 [33 favorites]


This guy literally runs beauty pageants and this is the most pageantry his campaign can muster?
posted by Rock Steady at 2:38 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


I feel bad for passing this around this morning, because laughing about Trump is PART OF THE PROBLEM at this point, and we are all clearly falling into a trap.

Why is laughing about Trump part of the problem, and what is the trap we are falling into?
posted by layceepee at 2:38 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Fourth stage, precession of simulacra.

This is so good it's worth quoting in-thread:
The fourth stage is pure simulation, in which the simulacrum has no relationship to any reality whatsoever. Here, signs merely reflect other signs and any claim to reality on the part of images or signs is only of the order of other such claims. This is a regime of total equivalency, where cultural products need no longer even pretend to be real in a naïve sense, because the experiences of consumers' lives are so predominantly artificial that even claims to reality are expected to be phrased in artificial, "hyperreal" terms. Any naïve pretension to reality as such is perceived as bereft of critical self-awareness, and thus as oversentimental.
posted by naju at 2:40 PM on January 14, 2016 [41 favorites]


What's next, a Bob Hope hologram?
posted by davebush at 2:43 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Why is laughing about Trump part of the problem, and what is the trap we are falling into?

The more we dismissively mock, the more strength his campaign gathers, and the more firm his followers become that he's in the right. "The liberals hate it" is as good a rallying cry as any, now. The trap is that viral videos like this are designed to be passed around by people exactly like us. It's the instant creation of dischord and tension, instant breathless watercooler talk. It's playing right into the hands of the campaign. This is, probably, the most impressive American media campaign in years.

It's a trap. No question.
posted by naju at 2:44 PM on January 14, 2016 [11 favorites]


I'm seeing more North Korea Socialist Youth League than Hitlerjugend. It's just so dull and bland ... and yet it's so fucking real and equally dangerous.
posted by kanewai at 2:46 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


"Enemies of freedom face the music, c'mon boys, take them down"

We have young girls and red, white and blue..ya know... /open arms gesture/..it's gonna be yuuuugh!
posted by pipoquinha at 2:46 PM on January 14, 2016


Given how Trump is increasingly branding himself as Putin Jr. and the love affair between the militias and Russia Today, someone should re-re-make Red Dawn.
posted by octobersurprise at 2:47 PM on January 14, 2016


How can you have to answer freedom's call?

No, put your hand down, Slavoj, we've already heard from you
posted by RogerB at 2:48 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


The trap is that viral videos like this are designed to be passed around by people exactly like us.

I think Trump followers are passing this video around just as much. "Look at the cute kids, isn't Trump great ? "
posted by Pendragon at 2:48 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


> Honestly, they're the only ones there who actually look like they're having fun.

The lady in the red sweater and scarf just to the right of the middle of the screen looks like she is experiencing the best thing that has ever happened to her. Actually, scanning the crowd and their reactions - which run the gamut from "this looks like a good time to check my email" to "I am politely but grudgingly enduring this" to "ecstatic glee" - is the best part of this.
posted by The Card Cheat at 2:48 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


The more we dismissively mock, the more strength his campaign gathers, and the more firm his followers become that he's in the right.

His campaign is primarily strong because everyone in the Republican race is too scared of a third party / independent run to run attack ads on him. Once they become more scared of him winning than of him running against them, the whole tone will change. Which isn't to say that Trump can't win the nomination, just that the dynamics have nothing to do with liberal America and everything to do with the GOP's own internal fuckedness.
posted by howfar at 2:51 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Given how Trump is increasingly branding himself as Putin Jr. and the love affair between the militias and Russia Today, someone should re-re-make Red Dawn.

Red Don: Putin on the Ritz
posted by Dip Flash at 2:52 PM on January 14, 2016 [31 favorites]


dammit I got beat out to the Prussian Blue joke...
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 2:53 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Is this a cut from an upcoming Starship Troopers movie or something?
posted by Room 101 at 2:54 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


It's no Horst Wessel Song.
posted by logicpunk at 2:54 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


(My 'no attack ads yet' is a bit of an oversimplification, but the assumption in the GOP that Trump surely can't really win the nomination is the fundamental determinant of the character of what is going on right now. I think they're probably right, but I keep praying they're wrong. It would destroy the party.)
posted by howfar at 2:54 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I didn't realize the word "freedom" could be used so many times and in so many non-rhyming or -rhythmic contexts
posted by mynameisluka at 2:55 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Little known fact: They used to be called "The French Kids" but Congress changed their name after 9/11.
posted by WordCannon at 2:56 PM on January 14, 2016 [8 favorites]


the GOP's own internal fuckedness

On the subject: The Anti-Trump Cavalry that Never Came, an informative article today from, of all places, Buzzfeed
posted by RogerB at 2:58 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


Once they become more scared of him winning than of him running against them, the whole tone will change.

When will that happen? "Surely this..."
posted by naju at 2:58 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I didn't realize the word "freedom" could be used so many times and in so many non-rhyming or -rhythmic contexts

Or, indeed, non-freedom contexts.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:02 PM on January 14, 2016 [11 favorites]


> “The Republican Party’s strategy with regard to dealing with Trump is basically prayer — and that’s it,”

That's the Republican Party's strategy for everything. *rimshot* Thanks very much, you've been a great audience! I'll be here all year, sobbing quietly in the corner.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:03 PM on January 14, 2016 [9 favorites]


The Donald reads poetry to explain his feeling about Syrian refuges. Spoiler: they're all vicious, reptilian snakes who want to bite us, and shame on us for believing Syrians, I mean snakes, are trustworthy or helpful.

Except, it's not just a poem - it's a song by Al Wilson (live northern soul).

Bigger question: who feeds honey and milk to a snake?
posted by filthy light thief at 3:05 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


I didn't realize the word "freedom" could be used so many times and in so many non-rhyming or -rhythmic contexts

Freedom's just another word for no dignity left to lose.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [12 favorites]


America, we need to talk.

I am ever so slightly hung over from a late night wine and Galaxy Quest watch, and I went into this video expecting a parody of Trump not, as it turns out, "Real Black Mirror" (h/t 0xFCAF).

This joke isn't funny any more, America. You're starting to scare us.
posted by Mezentian at 3:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


Bigger question: who feeds honey and milk to a snake?

ooh, I know this one, it's the murderer in Conan Doyle's "The Adventure of the Speckled Band"

posted by RogerB at 3:16 PM on January 14, 2016 [18 favorites]


When will that happen? "Surely this..."

If Cruz fails to win the Iowa caucus, I'd guess.

Just because it's easier to imagine a terrible Trump presidency than a terrible Cruz presidency doesn't mean that the former would actually be worse. Trump would do less harm by winning than by losing and thereby allowing Cruz to win, which still seems the most likely outcome to me.
posted by howfar at 3:17 PM on January 14, 2016


So wrong in so many ways....
posted by HuronBob at 3:17 PM on January 14, 2016


Views right now: 18,811
Thumbs up 1316
Thumbs down 4891 4892 (I just downvoted my first ever YT video).

I am now wading into the comments.
Protect me.
posted by Mezentian at 3:18 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Stand With Hillary
posted by phoque at 3:19 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Little known fact: They used to be called "The French Kids" but Congress changed their name after 9/11.

I liked them better when they were The Aristocrats.
posted by The Bellman at 3:20 PM on January 14, 2016 [8 favorites]


#feelthebern - Dave Moore
posted by phoque at 3:21 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I am now wading into the comments.
Protect me.


Stay alive, Mezentian!
No matter what occurs...
We will find you!
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:23 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


This joke isn't funny any more, America. You're starting to scare us.

Any saneish countries out there offering political asylum?
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:24 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


That snake poem video is like something out of an email forward debunked on Snopes
posted by theodolite at 3:24 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Speaking of Cruz, I'm in Spain right now and noticed how he resembles the guy who reestablished absolute monarchy and basically ruled a police state.
posted by The Whelk at 3:24 PM on January 14, 2016


I just posted this to my facebook feed without comment. Now we will see how many flies I catch with my web.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:26 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


It took a while scrolling, (there seem to be a lot of people suggesting Trump is a pedo - what's up with that?) but I had to stop when I read this:

I SEE ALL THE SODOMITES, DYKES, THE LIBERALS AND PATHETIC SOCIALISTS POSTING THEIR ENVIOUS FILTH HERE. IT IS YOU, AND THE FILTH, ALL OF YOU VILE EXCUSES FOR HUMAN BEINGS, THAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA. DESPITE ALL YOUR COMBINED EFFORTS, T R U M P - W I L L - R U L E !!! THE ELECTIONS OF 2016.

Honestly, I can't tell if it's real or just parody. The fun has gone.
(I expect parody since it's too well typed).
posted by Mezentian at 3:27 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Don't worry, I fixed it.
posted by skymt at 3:28 PM on January 14, 2016 [9 favorites]


The more we dismissively mock, the more strength his campaign gathers, and the more firm his followers become that he's in the right.

The fact that Trump is leading in the polls and we are mocking him by no means demonstrates that Trump is leading in the polls because we are mocking him.
posted by straight at 3:28 PM on January 14, 2016 [13 favorites]


The music so clearly ripping off Blondie's Heart of Glass;

Dude it's "Over There
posted by Max Power at 3:31 PM on January 14, 2016 [8 favorites]


Guys what if our polling system is really bad?
posted by The Whelk at 3:32 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


Trump needs to get himself a Leni Riefenstahl. The cinematography on that was hardly inspirational.

I think that Michael Bay is auditioning for that with 13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI.

By the way, I have a sick feeling this is going to be another American Sniper.
posted by codacorolla at 3:32 PM on January 14, 2016


Goddamn it; I just gave them $0.0001 by watching this, didn't I?
posted by queensissy at 3:33 PM on January 14, 2016


The music so clearly ripping off Blondie's Heart of Glass;

Dude it's "Over There




That may be, but wait until next week, when Trump releases his cover of "Rapture."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:34 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


RogerB: "How can you have to answer freedom's call?

No, put your hand down, Slavoj, we've already heard from you
"

Heh... I actually made This image macro the other day ;)
posted by symbioid at 3:38 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Gross.
posted by inconsequentialist at 3:39 PM on January 14, 2016


This is Trump's jam.
posted by Splunge at 3:42 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Because Alan Rickman dying wasn't terrible enough, today?
posted by symbioid at 3:44 PM on January 14, 2016


The Donald reads poetry

Trumpthos the Flatulent.
posted by octobersurprise at 3:50 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


The more we dismissively mock, the more strength his campaign gathers, and the more firm his followers become that he's in the right.

The mocking is not necessarily dismissive. I watched Barbara Walters, and I think another national media figure as well, allow Trump to claim that he'd received phone calls from Muslims thanking him for his proposal to bar Muslims from entering the country.

It took Jimmy Kimmelto ask him, "Those might have been crank calls--did you check the caller ID?" which I thought was a pitch-perfect response that even Trump's supporters might chuckle at.

And I don't think increasing the faith of Trump's current followers has much to do with the election. The people who support Trump support him, but I think his negative ratings still outnumber those favorable to him.
posted by layceepee at 3:51 PM on January 14, 2016


I am not going to search youtube for trump dixie because I am too chicken with regard to it really being there.
posted by bukvich at 3:53 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Blatant child exploitation, for these kids are too young to have informed political opinions. Sickening.
posted by carmicha at 4:00 PM on January 14, 2016


Searched for 'Trump Dixie', found nothing.

But this was the sixth result.
posted by Mezentian at 4:04 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Seems their choreography didn't account for the presence of a lectern.
posted by achrise at 4:12 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Desmond Orphus licked his lips and hit play again on the video. He watched the girls dance, jerking around the stage like robots, singing the words he had written 40 years ago. To the best of Desmond's knowledge, he had only sold 103 copies of 2016: America On Fire. After the publisher had remaindered the rest, Desmond had purchased the books at a discounted rate, not wanting to see his work burned, or recycled, or whatever they did with books that you couldn't even give away. The initial disappointment of 2016's failure found Desmond drifting out of the role of novelist (really, only technically true in that he'd written a novel, and not any sort of mark of talent) and into a respectable life as a dental hygienist. Newsweek had placed 2016 on its shortlist of worst novels of 1975, and that was about as much publicity as the regrettable work had gotten. Sometimes Desmond laughed with Melissa, his wife, that the Internet hadn't existed back then, and that 2016 was able to die with some respect, alongside his youthful ambitions to be a science fiction writer.

But here it was. A video that someone had made of one of the climactic scenes, a rally for the main villain. A man named Trump. As a young man, barely out of Ohio State's creative writing program, Desmond had conceived of Trump as a perfect symbol for avarice, greed, and ignorance. A man that had had his life handed to him, and by the sheer inertia of inherited wealth made a name as a successful businessman despite driving several companies into the ground. Trump, growing tired to with his status as a television star, decided to take a cynical jab at the presidency, using his salesman's talent to tell an increasingly scared and angry section of the country exactly what they had wanted to hear. The novel concluded with Trump being elected in a landslide, and an excruciating ten page inauguration speech that outlined the man's desire to turn America into a police state. Newsweek had singled this out particularly in their review, writing, "If Orphus was any more on the nose with the novel's unfortunate denouement, then I'd recommend the author take up a career in Rhinoplasty. "

Desmond clicked play again, and watched the girls dance. He went to the attic, moving one arthritic hip after another, and got a copy of 2016 out of the crate where he kept them. He blew dust off its top and took it back downstairs to his study. He played the video, perhaps for the 100th time of the day, as he read along in the book. Word-for-word, the lyrics matched. Who would do such a thing? More to the point, who would bother? There were at least a hundred people simply on camera... and it had none of the look of being staged. Indeed, if it was, then it was a virtuoso effort of directing to make it appear so natural. Desmond searched for his name and 'prank' online, finding nothing. Even in the 70s his career as an author had been forgotten. He couldn't imagine that, in a world with so much entertainment, mocking the early ambitions of an old man would be worth so much effort.

And then a vestigial part of his writer's mind clicked. What if the video wasn't staged at all? Orphus remembered an author he had read now and again, back when he still craved Sci-Fi, who wrote about parallel universes. Altogether rather shoddy novels, with paper thin characters, and plots derived more from drug induced psychosis than reality. But... what if this video had somehow gotten through to him. Where the events of his books had played out as he'd written them, but instead of pulpy ink on paper, through flesh and blood instead?

Desmond licked his lips, and laughed shrilly, causing the cat basking in the window to glance his way and then return to its nap. The sender was supposedly one tom.lafner@mail.princeton.edu. When he'd received it earlier this morning, after the initial watch, his first action was to call the school. With a bit of finagling, he found that Mr. Lafner was neither student, faculty, or staff. By all rights it seemed as though he didn't exist. He'd fallen for email scams before (in fact, he reflected, his daughter would likely chastise him for opening an attachment from a stranger, as he'd done with the video), and he knew that there were ways to mask one's address. Desmond contemplated the world that he had created in 2016: a xenophobic America, increasingly unable to make meaningful political movements in geopolitical climate that was marked by dwindling resources, a baking atmosphere, unpredictable weather, and an angry swelling among the lower classes. It was a nightmare. A product of a young man's ill considered pessimism for the world. It being real wasn't worth imagining.

Desmond was about to call for Melissa. To get her typically more rational and even headed opinion. But he stopped himself as her name was on his lips. What did it matter where the video came from? If it was a prank, then it was a cruel and idiotic one - Desmond recognized the novel was terrible, and even agreed that its preposterous conceits deserved to be mocked. If it was... something else, then why even bother? He was happy with his life and his reality. The frayed and imperiled fantasy that he'd cooked up all that time ago, even if it was real in some sense, bore no influence on the life that he actually lived. Desmond rubbed his eyes, took a sip of his now quite cooled morning coffee, and hit delete. His grandchildren were due to visit, and he wanted to get everything ready for them.
posted by codacorolla at 4:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [71 favorites]


Seems their choreography didn't account for the presence of a podium

I dunno I think the wooden podium adds some personality to the troupe
posted by item at 4:19 PM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]


this video is am american republican paedophiles dream.
posted by marienbad at 4:19 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


It's been said, but this felt very much like something that Putin's cult of personality would put out. If Trump were to become president, I think he and Putin would get along famously for a while (probably partying at Silvios). But two egos like that can never truly coexist, so...apocalypse.
posted by Edgewise at 4:22 PM on January 14, 2016


A Trump presidency proves that we are living in a simulation, and that whoever is running it has finished their dissertation and is now just fucking around.
posted by um at 4:26 PM on January 14, 2016 [29 favorites]


Operation Saving Private Mezenian is a go. That said, didja' have to choose the comments section of YouTube? It's all sticky in there. Ew.
posted by pipoquinha at 4:27 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm starting to wonder if even Trump is starting to think "Oh shit, Trump might actually win."
posted by 4ster at 4:28 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Also I love that it uses the low-pass filter effect, beloved of ecstacy users worldwide.
posted by marienbad at 4:32 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


DETONATE THE REALITY BOMB
posted by Damienmce at 4:35 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Twitter-verified Fox 10 Phoenix account/tweet, so I'm leaning towards real here.
posted by CrystalDave at 4:37 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I clicked on this, hoping to pass it on to my husband as an example of the crazy shit on the Internet he takes such glee in watching . . . but after viewing it, I feel deeply uncomfortable and will probably just keep this to myself. Note that I am speaking of a man who has introduced me to Chuck Tingle, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich, and Oregon militia erotica, as well as Bueno Excellente, and THIS is the video that I feel uncomfortable sending to him.
posted by chainsofreedom at 4:44 PM on January 14, 2016 [10 favorites]


"What's been dubbed..." is pretty slippery. I'm guessing we're going to see some walkback soon.
posted by rhizome at 4:45 PM on January 14, 2016




We Deserve Better Than Donald Trump

Three Theories Of Donald Trump’s Rise
I still like the the MARs resurgence idea.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:52 PM on January 14, 2016


A fine example of Fascist Anthem form: Terrifying, unmusical, and utterly lacking in anything resembling human presence or feeling.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 4:54 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


I picture the state mom behind this at the back of the room doing the motions with them. Like Mama Rose or Tom Hanks in that old video where he puts his kid into a beauty pageant.

I feel bad for the girl on the left, who is old enough to know how excruciating what she's doing is.
posted by not that girl at 4:56 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


How to Stream Fox Business' Republican Debate Tonight, No Cable Required just in case you want more fun and excitement.

Sadly, you have to watch Fox.
posted by Mezentian at 5:03 PM on January 14, 2016


This video is painful to watch, and I had to stop before the one minute mark.

As a non-USian with many US ties, I'm really worried about this election. What can we do to keep Trump from getting elected?
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 5:06 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


What can we do to keep Trump from getting elected?

Talk about how awesome Rand Paul is.
posted by rhizome at 5:09 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I just want to point out that due to the miracle of Word Replacer II, the link in this thread reads "The Official Racist Shitweasel Jam." Carry on.
posted by trunk muffins at 5:13 PM on January 14, 2016 [7 favorites]


I'm really happy to report that Mike Huckabee, at least, will never be a nominee for president. That gives me some solace at least.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


"Desperately needs to be covered by Laibach"
"Don't worry, I fixed it."

Waitaminnit. I got an idea...
HERE YOU GO.
posted by Trinity-Gehenna at 5:16 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


Trump is going to win the Republican nomination, no doubt about it.

See, I'm still envisioning (read: praying for) a Bull Moose Party kind of situation, where the GOP gets split up between two factions.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:18 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Trump doesn't want to win the nomination - he just wants to think he could have. At some point, he'll say or do something just inappropriate enough to sabotage his campaign.

If I'm wrong, good luck.
posted by davebush at 5:26 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Do we really want to send this election to the House?
posted by schmod at 5:27 PM on January 14, 2016


I think I've seen this same group of girls performing on Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:37 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


Are we doing the debate here or here?
posted by homunculus at 5:43 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


At some point, he'll say or do something just inappropriate enough to sabotage his campaign.

I'm curious, what exactly could he say that would be worse than what he has said, and would not contradict what he has said?
posted by Mezentian at 5:48 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I begged twitter to describe it to me because I don't want to give Adolf OrangeHair's YT channel any more hits.

But reading MeFi comments is just as good.

I mean that guy dead center is just Lorne in a t shirt.
Nah, no wine glass.
posted by NorthernLite at 5:51 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


That is so creepy and disturbing that he had to use little girls singing fascist nonsense to promote himself.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the eyeballs scarred by the two minutes. I know how y'all feel.
posted by thebotanyofsouls at 5:58 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


davebush is right. Trump will drop out after a 2nd place showing in any number of pre-Florida primaries. Cruz is wise to hit him on his NY values, that shit will not fly in bible country. Someone should ask him how to start a lawnmower.
posted by vrakatar at 6:07 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


Cruz is wise to hit him on his NY values, that shit will not fly in bible country.

My worry is that that is the exact kind of shit that does fly in bible country. Think of all the disgraced preachers, the Tammy Fayes and the Duck Dynasties and that pathological son of Huckabee.

The Bible Belt will forgive anything if you praise Jesus and America loud enough.
posted by kanewai at 6:18 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


It's hard to believe this thread is already 135 comments long without anyone linking to this gem:

Prepare for the future of patriotism! (Yankee Doodle Dandy from season 7 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, for those who can't be bothered watching)
posted by Soulfather at 6:23 PM on January 14, 2016 [5 favorites]


September 11th is a day America faced a setback. But as General George S. Patton said ... All real Americans love a winner. With that, the USA Freedom Kids are born ...

This must be mentioned, but none of these young ladies look old enough to have been alive during September 11th, 2001.
posted by alex_skazat at 6:30 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


It was ideologically impossible for this music to be good. An angry message needs a backing tune that can be sung while angry. In the 21st century, the second best option would have been metal, but that's the devil's music. By far the best choice would have been hip hop, not an option for a white racist and his white racist supporters.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:31 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


so i made a thing
posted by emptythought at 6:32 PM on January 14, 2016 [4 favorites]


I almost got a job in Pensacola, once. SO HAPPY THAT DIDN'T PAN OUT!
posted by oddman at 6:39 PM on January 14, 2016


Sam Wang (of the Princeton Election Consortium) crunches the numbers and thinks that Trump can win the nomination even with a fairly low ceiling of support.
posted by octothorpe at 6:43 PM on January 14, 2016


For the first thirty seconds I honestly thought this was a bag lip reading or something. Something.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 6:47 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


sour cream: “Trump is going to win the Republican nomination, no doubt about it. If you listen closely, people are starting to refer to him as 'President Trump' already (in the linked song, it's at 0:30).”

Uh – not that I don't dislike Trump, but that there is almost literally the oldest trick in the book as far as campaign politics are concerned. I know that boosters and supporters (the sort of people who get up at campaign stops and sing songs) were talking about a "President Hillary Clinton" by early 2007. And that's been true for every single campaign I've ever known, in my lifetime or previous. Heck, I'll bet people were mumbling aloud about "President Thomas Jefferson" before President Washington's ink was dry on the Whisky Act. When somebody says "President Trump" or "President Cruz" or "President Sanders," they're generally just engaging in the time-honored tradition of presumption that has reigned in American politics since the very beginning.
posted by koeselitz at 6:49 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


it's no "Ma Ma Where's My Pa" that's fer sure
posted by angrycat at 7:15 PM on January 14, 2016 [8 favorites]


Ok people. Sorry, you're all wrong. I found the source material.

Canada is responsible for all of this, and you have our profound apologies, and our smug "WTF?" about Trump is all for nought.

It's Tammy. They just didn't know they were channeling her.

What?

This.

Dance.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:25 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I walked past the George M. Cohan statue in Times Square late last night and it was inexplicably not rolling over despite the existence of this video. I don't want to brave the Elmos again, but would be willing to endure it if it's necessary to check again.
posted by zachlipton at 7:51 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


Canada is responsible for all of this


Hey, now- Tammy's message was always one of positivity, inclusion, acceptance, respect for yourself, and dance.

Not any of this weird crypto-fascist jingoistic bullshit.


She ain't gonna spread for no roses.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:10 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I think I've seen this same group of girls performing on Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job yt .

..and when he mentions "horse-meat", the one little girl has a moment of doubt..
posted by ovvl at 8:18 PM on January 14, 2016


Slash all arts funding forever.
posted by Going To Maine at 8:25 PM on January 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


I don't scare easily. I'm generally a zero-fucks kinda guy. But I found this incredibly disturbing.
posted by iffthen at 8:44 PM on January 14, 2016


codacorolla: I think that Michael Bay is auditioning for that with 13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI. By the way, I have a sick feeling this is going to be another American Sniper.

Based on a few reviews I've read, 13 Hours is shockingly not gross and racist. "For a Michael Bay film this is Noam Chomsky-level progressive."
posted by brundlefly at 8:50 PM on January 14, 2016


Where shall our nation turn its eye,
What help remains beneath the sky?
Our friend, protector, strength and trust,
Lies low and mould’ring in the dust.

Washington rolls in his grave.
posted by The White Hat at 10:03 PM on January 14, 2016


Based on a few reviews I've read, 13 Hours is shockingly not gross and racist. "For a Michael Bay film this is Noam Chomsky-level progressive."

Huh, that's interesting. I guess it's maybe not surprising, given Bay's treatment of Pain and Gain. It seems like it still dips its toes into Benghazi trutherism, but not in the way that I expected.
posted by codacorolla at 10:20 PM on January 14, 2016


Tomorrow belongs to them.

(Actually, I feel sorry for these kids 10 or 15 years from now. They are so going to end up covered with piercings and tattoos and identifying as radical socialist genderqueer vegans, and they're gonna have to live with this damn clip for the rest of their lives.)
posted by Ursula Hitler at 11:47 PM on January 14, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm curious, what exactly could he say that would be worse than what he has said, and would not contradict what he has said?

Y'know, something... liberal.

People forget, the sort of socialism they had back during, you know, quote-unquote National Socialism was actually TREMENDOUSLY good for small business, Wolf!
posted by Rat Spatula at 1:12 AM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


To clarify, I feel bad for them that they're going to have to live with this clip for the rest of their lives, not that they're going to end up covered with piercings and tattoos and identifying as radical socialist genderqueer vegans.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 2:04 AM on January 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


Slash al, arts funding forever.

Nonono, you don't get it -this is what you get when there isn't any arts funding, and egocentric millionaires are the only ones who are hiring artists.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:20 AM on January 15, 2016 [5 favorites]


Nonono, you don't get it -this is what you get when there isn't any arts funding, and egocentric millionaires are the only ones who are hiring artists.

I’m just saying that we need to revisit the ideas of the Dadaists. If this is what modern culture creates, it’s time to burn it down and start again.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:05 AM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I showed this to my wife and after 10 seconds she said "what the f***"? After 30 seconds she said, deadpan, "It's clear that neither homosexuals nor people of color were involved in the making of this tragedy."
posted by freecellwizard at 4:41 AM on January 15, 2016 [9 favorites]


Yeah, that's pretty much the whitest thing I've ever seen.
posted by octothorpe at 6:06 AM on January 15, 2016


Trump Supporters Appear To Be Misinformed, Not Uninformed

Functionally, what is the difference?
posted by qcubed at 6:33 AM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I’m just saying that we need to revisit the ideas of the Dadaists. If this is what modern culture creates, it’s time to burn it down and start again.

If you think that this is indicative of the entire output of modern culture, then I think we need to increase arts funding.

No, this is more of the "cautionary tale" that should be driving everyone towards voting for increased funding to the NEA and to memberships in their local symphonies and theater companies and indie movie clubs and such. In fact, I bet there are some grantwriters for small arts companies that are screenshoting this as part of their pitches - "THIS is what would pass for art in Trump's America. Vote with your wallets and help us provide an alternative!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:44 AM on January 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Is this a trailer for the new David Lynch movie?
posted by sockermom at 6:48 AM on January 15, 2016 [9 favorites]


Trump Supporters Appear To Be Misinformed, Not Uninformed

Functionally, what is the difference?


I mean, it's a very interesting article man, you should read it! It explains all of these surface-level questions that arise from just reading the title.
In 2000, James Kuklinski and other political scientists at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign established an important distinction: American citizens with incorrect information can be divided into two groups, the misinformed and the uninformed. The difference between the two is stark. Uninformed citizens don’t have any information at all, while those who are misinformed have information that conflicts with the best evidence and expert opinion. As Kuklinski and his colleagues established, in the U.S., the most misinformed citizens tend to be the most confident in their views and are also the strongest partisans. These folks fill the gaps in their knowledge base by using their existing belief systems. Once these inferences are stored into memory, they become “indistinguishable from hard data,” Kuklinski and his colleagues found.

posted by carsonb at 7:16 AM on January 15, 2016 [12 favorites]


If you're going to say stupid things on TV, fine. If you're going to make bullshit assertions with no basis in fact, your call. If you're going to convince other adults to buy your nonsense, go for it.

Fucking up the minds of children with mindless propaganda garbage makes you a despicable human being.
posted by prepmonkey at 7:46 AM on January 15, 2016


I mean, it's a very interesting article man, you should read it! It explains all of these surface-level questions that arise from just reading the title.

Just to keep going with quotes from it:
Furthermore, in 2010, political scientists Brendan Nyhan(1) and Jason Reifler(2) found that when misinformed citizens are told that their facts are wrong, they often cling to their opinions even more strongly with what is known as defensive processing, or the “backfire effect.”

Strong partisans are more likely to participate in the primary process, making it also likely that at least some highly engaged primary voters are also confidently misinformed and unwilling to accept contradictory evidence.
I read it last night and it's been sticking with me as Canada appears set to have it's own version of Donald Trump.
posted by nubs at 8:09 AM on January 15, 2016


Wasn't Cohan a Democrat?
posted by GhostintheMachine at 8:15 AM on January 15, 2016


I read it last night and it's been sticking with me as Canada appears set to have it's own version of Donald Trump.

Well, he certainly has the trumped-up claims about his track record as a businessman down.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:15 AM on January 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Well, he certainly has the trumped-up claims about his track record as a businessman down.

Oh yeah, the man is a complete jackass but I can see why he is inspired by Trump. Both are bullshit artists.
posted by nubs at 8:23 AM on January 15, 2016


If that's Sparkle Motion then the candidate is The Donald Darko?
posted by Mr.Pointy at 9:02 AM on January 15, 2016


Based on a few reviews I've read, 13 Hours is shockingly not gross and racist.

Well, I"ve seen it and it's shockingly gross and racist. It's also a 2 1/2 anti-Hillary campaign commercial.
posted by vibrotronica at 9:14 AM on January 15, 2016 [4 favorites]


Slowed to 75%.
posted by Cash4Lead at 9:22 AM on January 15, 2016 [3 favorites]


I've got two words that will finally topple Trump:

Milli Vanilli

Lipsync Scandal
posted by a lungful of dragon at 9:42 AM on January 15, 2016


If that's Sparkle Motion then the candidate is The Donald Darko?

Nobody should be committed to this.
posted by sparklemotion at 11:53 AM on January 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


Committed because of it, however...
posted by oedipuss at 12:22 PM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm calling it right now that Nathan Fielder was involved in this somehow.
posted by lauranesson at 12:26 PM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Slowed to 75%

Well it's not worse…
posted by mazola at 1:40 PM on January 15, 2016 [2 favorites]


So apparently the creator of the song is Jeff Popick, who manages the USA Freedom Kids and is the father of the little brunette girl who was front and center.

And that line about dealing from strength or getting crushed?
"That line was originally going to be about General George Patton," Popick says. "But when Donald Trump announced his candidacy, I was inspired to change it to something more contemporary."
Also, I just noticed the song instructs us no less than four times in 2:15 to stand up tall(!), twice in the chorus (which, fine) but also twice in random places within the, uh, verses.
posted by mochapickle at 2:00 PM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Utter garbage, head to tail. That interview makes me think the "took a year to write" means he wrote it a year ago, then changed one line recently.
posted by rhizome at 2:46 PM on January 15, 2016


i just don't know what to say. oh my.

(Canadians of Metafilter: if this all turns out as badly as I fear it might, may I come live by you?)
posted by cool breeze at 3:01 PM on January 15, 2016


Also, I just noticed the song instructs us no less than four times in 2:15 to stand up tall(!), twice in the chorus (which, fine) but also twice in random places within the, uh, verses.

Don't worry about it. Oh Canada used to have shit ton more "stand on guard"s in it. It'll just take about 50 years of common usage to get Ameritude perfect.
posted by bonobothegreat at 4:15 PM on January 15, 2016


They have a YouTube channel, but the content is sparse, but I imagine y'all want an anthem you can dance to:
BEST DANCE REMIX: NATIONAL ANTHEM, PART 2 .

No free, full content, of course.
Because that would be socialism.
posted by Mezentian at 5:25 PM on January 15, 2016 [1 favorite]


Sickening. Donald Trump must not lead America.
posted by chance at 8:40 PM on January 15, 2016


This VICE special features interviews with the USA Freedom Kids and the dad/manager guy.

Also exclusive practice videos.
posted by sparklemotion at 12:34 PM on February 11, 2016


"Oh God, this tastes terrible! Want some?"
posted by rhizome at 4:41 PM on February 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


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