"How did my father die?"
January 19, 2016 9:53 PM Subscribe
This was edited better than any of the prequels.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:09 PM on January 19, 2016 [23 favorites]
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:09 PM on January 19, 2016 [23 favorites]
Luke, do you know anything about trade disputes?
posted by wabbittwax at 10:09 PM on January 19, 2016 [57 favorites]
posted by wabbittwax at 10:09 PM on January 19, 2016 [57 favorites]
"How did my father die?"
"Metaphorically."
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:23 PM on January 19, 2016 [48 favorites]
"Metaphorically."
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:23 PM on January 19, 2016 [48 favorites]
This was good. The only other recut you need to see is It's Always Sunny on Tatooine
I laughed really hard. And it's short.
posted by blahblahblah at 10:36 PM on January 19, 2016 [23 favorites]
I laughed really hard. And it's short.
posted by blahblahblah at 10:36 PM on January 19, 2016 [23 favorites]
"Would you believe...I am your father?"
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:03 PM on January 19, 2016
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:03 PM on January 19, 2016
"Now that's a name I've not heard since…"
posted by Potsy at 12:25 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Potsy at 12:25 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
I haven't watched the video, but is this about how Obi-wan's father dies? Obi-zero Kenobi? Who was the son of Obi-minus wan Kenobi? Just mathematizin'.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:51 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:51 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
Speaking of Star Wars recut things, I can't believe it's almost 10 years since this was posted.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 1:08 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 1:08 AM on January 20, 2016
I thought this series was an interesting longer take on how the prequels could have been good and Obi-Wan wouldn't quite have been lying:
WHAT IF "STAR WARS: EPISODE I" WAS GOOD?
WHAT IF STAR WARS EPISODE II WERE GOOD?
WHAT IF STAR WARS EPISODE III WERE GOOD?
posted by graymouser at 1:55 AM on January 20, 2016 [9 favorites]
WHAT IF "STAR WARS: EPISODE I" WAS GOOD?
WHAT IF STAR WARS EPISODE II WERE GOOD?
WHAT IF STAR WARS EPISODE III WERE GOOD?
posted by graymouser at 1:55 AM on January 20, 2016 [9 favorites]
I haven't watched the video, but is this about how Obi-wan's father dies? Obi-zero Kenobi? Who was the son of Obi-minus wan Kenobi? Just mathematizin'.
To find Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi you have to enter Docking Bay 94 by blasting through the wall instead of going through the door. Then you can enter the Millenium Falcon without triggering Han Solo to say it made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs which is what the game uses to set the destination of the Falcon to Alderaan. Instead of going to Alderaan, the Falcon will take you to Ho#!Alderoth-36, a jungle planet that's completely covered by snow. Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi's cave can be found floating on a cloud that's almost impossible to reach even with a Force Jump but if you time it just right you can grab onto the small platform in front of it. Upon entering the cave the game will randomly spawn between one and fifteen green pallet swapped Darth Vaders. Provided you can get past them, Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi is in the same location you find Obi Wan Kenobi, but only the upper part of his sprite is visible. When you speak to him, he will give you a lightsabre that shoots the same bolts as Chewie's crossbow.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:14 AM on January 20, 2016 [20 favorites]
To find Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi you have to enter Docking Bay 94 by blasting through the wall instead of going through the door. Then you can enter the Millenium Falcon without triggering Han Solo to say it made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs which is what the game uses to set the destination of the Falcon to Alderaan. Instead of going to Alderaan, the Falcon will take you to Ho#!Alderoth-36, a jungle planet that's completely covered by snow. Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi's cave can be found floating on a cloud that's almost impossible to reach even with a Force Jump but if you time it just right you can grab onto the small platform in front of it. Upon entering the cave the game will randomly spawn between one and fifteen green pallet swapped Darth Vaders. Provided you can get past them, Obi Minus-Wan Kenobi is in the same location you find Obi Wan Kenobi, but only the upper part of his sprite is visible. When you speak to him, he will give you a lightsabre that shoots the same bolts as Chewie's crossbow.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:14 AM on January 20, 2016 [20 favorites]
I haven't watched the video, but is this about how Obi-wan's father dies? Obi-zero Kenobi? Who was the son of Obi-minus wan Kenobi? Just mathematizin'.
What about Feeble-Wan Anemic, his consumptive cousin? Or Kenobi's stage name during his porn-star years, Obi-Wanken Obi?
(Hey, the puns could be worse. When I was drawing Star Wars parody comics as a kid in the '70s I called him Oldie-Man Mouldy.)
posted by rory at 3:24 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
What about Feeble-Wan Anemic, his consumptive cousin? Or Kenobi's stage name during his porn-star years, Obi-Wanken Obi?
(Hey, the puns could be worse. When I was drawing Star Wars parody comics as a kid in the '70s I called him Oldie-Man Mouldy.)
posted by rory at 3:24 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
This may be my current favourite Star Wars edit: The Techno Union.
posted by Auz at 6:01 AM on January 20, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Auz at 6:01 AM on January 20, 2016 [8 favorites]
What about Feeble-Wan Anemic, his consumptive cousin? Or Kenobi's stage name during his porn-star years, Obi-Wanken Obi?
They're out in the pet cemetery in the back garden, burying Obi-Wanna Cracker.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:14 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
They're out in the pet cemetery in the back garden, burying Obi-Wanna Cracker.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:14 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Don't bother with Obi Win Kenobi. He's makes it sound like he's with you all the way but he's really just a motivational speaker and life coach and will eventually have to tell you that he won't get involved with any of the hard work.
posted by ardgedee at 6:17 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by ardgedee at 6:17 AM on January 20, 2016
He wanted you to have it when you were old enough
posted by Mchelly at 6:26 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Mchelly at 6:26 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
Drowned in all that prequel hatred, I think Ewan McGregor's acting wasn't half bad in the end. Not Alec Guiness, but not bad at all.
posted by cacofonie at 6:30 AM on January 20, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by cacofonie at 6:30 AM on January 20, 2016 [8 favorites]
Drowned in all that prequel hatred, I think Ewan McGregor's acting wasn't half bad in the end
Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid are the only two in the prequels who seem to really be trying, especially by the third movie. Well, Hayden might be trying too, but the role is a thankless one as written.
Anyways, I always like to imagine the dialogue as Anakin burns to death as being something like:
"I hate you!"
"You were my brother Anakin, I loved you."
"Give my son my lightsaber you bastard! Don't fuck that up like you did me!"
Anguished screams.
posted by nubs at 6:42 AM on January 20, 2016
Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid are the only two in the prequels who seem to really be trying, especially by the third movie. Well, Hayden might be trying too, but the role is a thankless one as written.
Anyways, I always like to imagine the dialogue as Anakin burns to death as being something like:
"I hate you!"
"You were my brother Anakin, I loved you."
"Give my son my lightsaber you bastard! Don't fuck that up like you did me!"
Anguished screams.
posted by nubs at 6:42 AM on January 20, 2016
That wizard is just a crazy old man.
posted by rlk at 6:44 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by rlk at 6:44 AM on January 20, 2016 [4 favorites]
I haven't watched the video, but is this about how Obi-wan's father dies? Obi-zero Kenobi? Who was the son of Obi-minus wan Kenobi? Just mathematizin'.
Ewan McGregor's brother Colin is an RAF pilot. His call sign is "Obi Two".
posted by Catseye at 7:05 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
Ewan McGregor's brother Colin is an RAF pilot. His call sign is "Obi Two".
posted by Catseye at 7:05 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
I'm curious what cut of Episode 4 this came from. I just last night watch this scene from both a a BR rip and the despecialized version, and none of the cuts from the prequels were there. I guess it makes sense; when 4 was filmed this scene was just the that interior scene with the two of them (and CP30). Then after the prequels are filmed there's footage of the backstory that gets cut into the original. IMHO, the scene without all the edits was more moving, for this observer that already "knew" the whole story.
posted by achrise at 8:02 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by achrise at 8:02 AM on January 20, 2016
The line about "you were the chosen one" and the anguish with which its delivered was pretty much the one moment in the prequels that rose to the level of the originals. Not that this ground hasn't been trodden before, but the three films are a masterclass in how to make bad movies and squander the immense talent on hand. Instead of a trilogy focusing on friendship, misguided attempts at mentoring by an unprepared teacher, betrayal, and darkness, we got a smarmy brat who became a petulant teenager. And the worst part about Obi-wan's line is that it just feels like it came from somewhere else, some better film. Damn shame.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:21 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Ghidorah at 8:21 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
achrise, I'm not sure I follow? This is a fan cut that someone has made. there is no official version of this.
apologies if my sarcasm meter isn't working.
posted by trif at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2016
apologies if my sarcasm meter isn't working.
posted by trif at 8:48 AM on January 20, 2016
Lucas doing some version of this is oddly believable.
posted by Artw at 8:49 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 8:49 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]
Gotcha trif. The existence of Despecialized shows that there are at least a few different "official" versions of the release. I thought that maybe Lucas actually edited footage from the prequels into a released version of Ep4.
posted by achrise at 8:52 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by achrise at 8:52 AM on January 20, 2016
And, as Artw has suggested, you wouldn't be silly in thinking it was the case!
posted by trif at 8:58 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by trif at 8:58 AM on January 20, 2016
He died as he lived, like a stupid whiny bitch.
posted by entropicamericana at 9:22 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 9:22 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm still waiting for the prequel special editions where they make a bunch of small edits to key scenes that completely change the movies. Throw in a scene of Chewie and R2 conferring in secret. Cut Shmi's speech right and Anakin's father is no longer the Force but some deadbeat. Throw in Jar Jar using a discreet force lightning or two during the battle with the droid army. All sorts of fun stuff.
posted by ckape at 9:51 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ckape at 9:51 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]
"How did my father die?"
"He's only MOSTLY dead."
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:07 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
"He's only MOSTLY dead."
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:07 AM on January 20, 2016 [5 favorites]
I expect that Disney will reboot the prequels in about 10 years. Then all our force-ghosts will rest easier.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:27 AM on January 20, 2016
posted by blue_beetle at 10:27 AM on January 20, 2016
"How did my father die?"
Have you ever smelt pork crackling?
posted by biffa at 11:03 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Have you ever smelt pork crackling?
posted by biffa at 11:03 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
-"How did my father die?"
--"He's only MOSTLY dead."
"He's feeling much better. He's only pining for the fjords."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:31 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
--"He's only MOSTLY dead."
"He's feeling much better. He's only pining for the fjords."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:31 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
"I was there when both your parents died. You see, your Dad Force choked your pregnant Mom and left her for dead shortly after he helped the Emperor rise to power and kill all the Jedi. Then I dismembered him and left him to burn to death, even though he was my friend and brother Jedi. Your Mom lived long enough to give birth to you, but was so sick of the lousy writing in those movies that she couldn't go on, so she gave up living."
.....
"Oh, that was too much? Sorry. We're just getting to know each other and here I am laying out your crappy family history! Oversharin' Kenobi, that's what Windu used to call me. Come on, take this lightsaber and let's go hit the bars in Mos Eisley - see if we can't have some fun! Been a long time since I lopped anyone's arm off - guess it was your Dad, the last time...Ha! There I go again!"
posted by nubs at 11:35 AM on January 20, 2016 [11 favorites]
.....
"Oh, that was too much? Sorry. We're just getting to know each other and here I am laying out your crappy family history! Oversharin' Kenobi, that's what Windu used to call me. Come on, take this lightsaber and let's go hit the bars in Mos Eisley - see if we can't have some fun! Been a long time since I lopped anyone's arm off - guess it was your Dad, the last time...Ha! There I go again!"
posted by nubs at 11:35 AM on January 20, 2016 [11 favorites]
"Speaking of Mos Eisley, Luke, did I ever tell you about this one girl I met there? Man, she was something else. I was so drunk I can't remember if I used protection. Could you imagine running into a grandkid of mine in, say, 36 years? What? No, I could still be around; even though I look like I'm well into in my 60s, I'm actually only about 50 years old. Anyway, Mos Eisley girls, man..."
posted by entropicamericana at 11:58 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by entropicamericana at 11:58 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
even though I look like I'm well into in my 60s, I'm actually only about 50 years old
"Look as good you will not after 20 years in the desert you live."
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:04 PM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
"Look as good you will not after 20 years in the desert you live."
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:04 PM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Anyway, Mos Eisley girls, man..."
Cut to "Mos Eisley Girls" rock video, featuring David Lee Roth.
posted by nubs at 12:22 PM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Cut to "Mos Eisley Girls" rock video, featuring David Lee Roth.
posted by nubs at 12:22 PM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]
Speaking of Mos Eisley, Luke, ...
I hear it's not so great.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:07 PM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
I hear it's not so great.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:07 PM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]
It's a well done juxtaposition that reminds me of how poorly the prequels actually fit with 4-6. /sigh
posted by Archelaus at 2:04 PM on January 20, 2016
posted by Archelaus at 2:04 PM on January 20, 2016
Ewan McGregor's brother Colin is an RAF pilot. His call sign is "Obi Two".
Yes. Perfect. A pilot's callsign should always mean something like "haha your brother is more famous than you are."
posted by straight at 2:05 PM on January 20, 2016
Yes. Perfect. A pilot's callsign should always mean something like "haha your brother is more famous than you are."
posted by straight at 2:05 PM on January 20, 2016
It's a well done juxtaposition that reminds me of how poorly the prequels actually fit with 4-6. /sigh
Or you can just consider the prequels to be a story told to us by a droid with a faulty memory unit.
posted by nubs at 2:21 PM on January 20, 2016
Or you can just consider the prequels to be a story told to us by a droid with a faulty memory unit.
posted by nubs at 2:21 PM on January 20, 2016
What is this place? It seems oddly familiar. What do you mean we've been here nineteen years?
The Auralnauts' version of the prequels is surprisingly good, and nearly redeems them. Jedi Dance Battles, Anakin stuck in the friend zone, and the Jedi Council's unending search for better drugs.
posted by BungaDunga at 5:20 PM on January 20, 2016
The Auralnauts' version of the prequels is surprisingly good, and nearly redeems them. Jedi Dance Battles, Anakin stuck in the friend zone, and the Jedi Council's unending search for better drugs.
posted by BungaDunga at 5:20 PM on January 20, 2016
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This has been another episode of short answers to dumb questions.
Tune again next week!
posted by eriko at 10:00 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]