Jesus-With you Always

March 21, 2002 7:56 AM

Jesus-With you Always... except that 'Web Developer' is missing. I guess Jesus is not with me...
posted by slater (76 comments total)

Umm, the link is either broken or the site has already succumbed to the MeFi effect.
posted by insomnyuk at 8:01 AM on March 21, 2002

Works for me... apart from not loading some smaller images tho
posted by slater at 8:04 AM on March 21, 2002

Oh, my.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:08 AM on March 21, 2002

aparently, jesus would be with me if i were a french horn...
posted by hob at 8:09 AM on March 21, 2002

Why didn't jesus follow this guy to the barber and help him out?
posted by mathowie at 8:10 AM on March 21, 2002

Best. Link. Ever. Today.

Unintentionally funny, in sort of a uber realistic Jack Chick sort of way (and without all the crazy rhetoric!).
posted by almostcool at 8:15 AM on March 21, 2002

We planted a Jesus seed on the fourth hole and look what grew this year!

Jesus also believes in strict gender lines in the workplace.
posted by jennyb at 8:17 AM on March 21, 2002

I love the look on Jesus' face as he's watching the executive.

Also note that the artist lives in Niceville, FL.

I had never drawn anything before, had no training in drawing, and had never really been interested in drawing.
posted by straight at 8:25 AM on March 21, 2002

The remixes on the Pile are great.
posted by adampsyche at 8:35 AM on March 21, 2002

Thanks for the good ole' fashioned religious intolerance.

"Yee-haw, let's make funna them x-ians again. Waa-hoo!"
posted by internal at 8:40 AM on March 21, 2002

Nice catch, jennyb. I noticed that he watches over only white people, too.

Adam, I tried to access the remixes, but I apparently have to be a member of filepile to do so, and they aren't taking any new members. Anyone know of a backdoor?
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:40 AM on March 21, 2002

adam, stop breaking the 3rd rule.
posted by remlapm at 8:41 AM on March 21, 2002

his story is actually very interesting to me. he woke up in the middle of the night 'knowing' that his was what he was supposed to do. he then devoted his time to learning the craft, and then he started drawing. admirable.
posted by o2b at 8:47 AM on March 21, 2002

Thanks for the good ole' fashioned religious intolerance.

"Yee-haw, let's make funna them x-ians again. Waa-hoo!"

Oh, declench. It could just as easily have been a Taoist site, a Winnie-the-Pooh site, or an Undead Morgan Freeman site. It's the weird job categories and blink-twice art that are funny.
posted by Skot at 8:49 AM on March 21, 2002

"Stop at Stuckey's...pecan log...peeecaaannnn loooooog..."
posted by ColdChef at 8:51 AM on March 21, 2002

Hey, look! Jesus followed the insurance agent all the way to the dentist!
posted by ColdChef at 8:53 AM on March 21, 2002

oh, internal, I think these would have the same effect on me whether it was buddha or krishna in the illustrations, too. They bring a chuckle but are also kind of sweet.

But I note that Jesus only hangs out with UCLA students. This will annoy many of the students I work with at UT.
posted by whatnot at 8:53 AM on March 21, 2002

Here is one of the funnier Filepile images for those that are curious.
"Yee-haw, let's make funna them x-ians again. Waa-hoo!" - Maybe if they weren't so easy to make fun of people would leave them alone...
posted by TiggleTaggleTiger at 8:55 AM on March 21, 2002

adam, stop breaking the 3rd rule.

*hangs head in shame*
posted by adampsyche at 8:57 AM on March 21, 2002

And you all doubted the omniscience, if not the ubiquitousness, of Kevin Smith
posted by liam at 9:02 AM on March 21, 2002

"Jeez, Larry...Could you make my chin a little thinner or at least give me a six-pack or something?"
posted by ColdChef at 9:06 AM on March 21, 2002

Even as a christian, I have to admit that I find these images vaguely creepy. However, I agree with internal; there seems to be a double-standard at work here. I can't imagine somebody being able to get away with this type of post if it were about Islam or Buddhism. Scientology...maybe.
posted by MrBaliHai at 9:10 AM on March 21, 2002

AAAAAAAGH! It's jesus with peter brady!
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:22 AM on March 21, 2002

I always had a feeling that Jesus looked like Dan Folgleberg. . . .Now I have the proof!
posted by Danf at 9:24 AM on March 21, 2002

Is it just me or does this guy look a little like ColdChef's Police Sketch Artist self portrait?
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:26 AM on March 21, 2002

A search for a suitable model to represent Jesus resulted in the selection of a young man... and, most importantly, was a devoted Christian.

Cause, you know... you can tell. It's, like, in their pores, or something.
posted by starvingartist at 9:31 AM on March 21, 2002

Is it just me or does this guy look a little like ColdChef's Police Sketch Artist self portrait?

I think I was a little more "jowl"-y. Nice tie/short sleeve combo, though. I bet he's wearing white loafers, too.
posted by ColdChef at 9:36 AM on March 21, 2002

You know, you look familiar...
posted by Markb at 9:40 AM on March 21, 2002

Even as a christian, I have to admit that I find these images vaguely creepy.

As a non-Christian, I find these hilarious and I still have respect for friends of the Christian faith and hope that they are not offended by this thread.
posted by Danf at 9:46 AM on March 21, 2002

"Blah, blah, blah. Look at me! I act like I know God personally...Hey! Jerry...Jerry!...Why don't you tell them about the kittens. Tell 'em about the kittens, Jerry..."
posted by ColdChef at 9:49 AM on March 21, 2002

except that 'Web Developer' is missing. I guess Jesus is not with me...

It's just that Jesus knows what's on your hard drive, slater, and, well, there are some things that just cannot be forgiven.
posted by Danf at 9:52 AM on March 21, 2002

I dunno, I think these are pretty funny, but in response to MrBaliHai's comment, I'd *love* to see a series of these drawings where, instead of Jesus, you get seventy-two virgins "with you always."

Also: it appears as if Jesus spends more time with the barber than with anyone else, because of His stunning variety of hairdos.
posted by Sapphireblue at 9:52 AM on March 21, 2002

I want to see some pictures where Jesus is "with you always", but inadvertently doing something wrong. Like, in a clean room with an electrical engineer, but not wearing a clean suit, and all the other co-workers are freaking out 'cause he's contaminating everything. Or on stage with an actor, and the rest of the actors are looking at him wondering where he came from.
posted by starvingartist at 9:56 AM on March 21, 2002

"Yee-haw, let's make funna them x-ians again. Waa-hoo!"

Right on, that's what I'm saying.
posted by SweetJesus at 10:06 AM on March 21, 2002

But wait, there's more!

Jesus playing Little League baseball - and football, and soccer, and other youth sports. All in inspirational hand-painted resin statuettes.
posted by agaffin at 10:07 AM on March 21, 2002

I really wish they had a picture of the martial arts one, agaffin. nice link.
posted by Ufez Jones at 10:25 AM on March 21, 2002

Damn you agaffin. I was just going to post that.
...Too frightening for words.
posted by KnitWit at 10:35 AM on March 21, 2002

I thought it was "The Force" that was with you always... what a frightening concept this one is. I'm gonna start standing a lot closer to the urinal from now on.
posted by Perigee at 10:59 AM on March 21, 2002

Did Jesus really look like that? If so, he's been teaching Film Studies at my uni for the past four years! I better smile when I see him next!
posted by RokkitNite at 10:59 AM on March 21, 2002

I still have respect for friends of the Christian faith and hope that they are not offended by this thread.

I thought the image from Filepile was pretty much over the line, but I've seen worse. Basically, this guy's drawings are totally harmless and undeserving of derision. If people want to imagine Jesus watching them while they work, I see no harm in that. It's not my cup of tea perhaps, but it's not hurting anyone. The image of Christ being portrayed here has it's roots in the Jesus People movement of the 70s when he was often visualized as kind of a groovy, vaguely hippie-ish dude.
posted by MrBaliHai at 11:07 AM on March 21, 2002

(A) This guy has, at times, real talent. Some of his pictures are a little bizarre (the midget Jesus looking at the executive), but most of them have a stunning realism.

(B) Jesus is a white-boy. Amazing, that. I coulda sworn he'd have to be a swarthy Arab-Jewish type, not some albino from Scandinavia.

(C) Religion is just goofy. If it empowers you as an individual, I honestly think that's really great. But I find it absurdly funny.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:22 AM on March 21, 2002

Yee-haw, let's make funna them x-ians again. Waa-hoo!

Aw, poor Christians, always gettin' picked on... you guys have got it really rough. The plight of the Christian in America touches my heart, I swear it does.
posted by RylandDotNet at 11:45 AM on March 21, 2002

Christ, err.. i mean... wow... my first ever post (after an eternity of lurking) and then this... :)

five fresh fish: i think he copies from photos he's taken. some look a bit too realistic.. i dunno.. *shrug*
posted by slater at 12:03 PM on March 21, 2002

i fear that i may have inadvertently modeled for this guy my freshman year of high school. unfortunately, this is exactly what i looked like — right down to the bad hair and strap-on bow tie. i even had the faux-leather handguard on my french horn, as pictured.
posted by mlang at 12:20 PM on March 21, 2002

(i was only in band to meet girls, though. i wasn't a nerd or anything.)
posted by mlang at 12:24 PM on March 21, 2002

(just so we're all clear on that.)
posted by mlang at 12:25 PM on March 21, 2002

What do you know about the kittens?
posted by stx23 at 12:33 PM on March 21, 2002

Now you're just trolling, skallas.
posted by MrBaliHai at 1:21 PM on March 21, 2002

Darn, where's that photo of Karl Marx in drag I had lying around? You know, because it would be funny to see a photo of Karl Marx sucking at the teat of Friedrich Engel's capitalist father.
posted by insomnyuk at 1:43 PM on March 21, 2002

If that Jesus guy was looking over my shoulder like that all the time, I'd sue the bastard for invasion of privacy. Or something.

Question: If Jesus is always with you, and you commit a criminal act like burglary or murder[didn't see a photoshop-produced drawing on this one], and Jesus doesn't report it, isn't he an accessory?
posted by yesster at 1:46 PM on March 21, 2002

(i was only in band to meet girls, though. i wasn't a nerd or anything.)
(just so we're all clear on that.)

You played French horn to meet girls? How'd that work out for ya?

... yeahh, we're all clear.
posted by KnitWit at 2:03 PM on March 21, 2002

So Jesus was a Great White Fan?

Shudder. Yikes.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:21 PM on March 21, 2002

Jesus is with the guy from Office Space?
Also, Jesus is with gigantic Neanderthal jugglers?
posted by Danelope at 2:48 PM on March 21, 2002

Sorry, but I won't go for your oversensitized PC bait.

Yup, making fun of other people's beliefs is comedy gold, pal. Have a nice day.
posted by MrBaliHai at 3:06 PM on March 21, 2002

I think we need to fix the absence of the web developer: With you always.
posted by evanizer at 3:58 PM on March 21, 2002

Lance made this.
posted by heather at 4:16 PM on March 21, 2002

I laughed. Does that make me a Bad Person?
posted by five fresh fish at 4:50 PM on March 21, 2002

After zooming in on his work, I've concluded that he didn't draw them at all. For instance, in the 'Jesus/Dentist/poor bastard in the chair' picture, there are very unlikely details on the watch.

I think perhaps he's manipulating photographs, occasionally pencilling-in bits (and the pencilled-in bits are obvious; the books behind the accountant, the pederaststal in the preacher scene, stuff like that).
posted by five fresh fish at 4:56 PM on March 21, 2002

Yup, making fun of other people's beliefs is comedy gold, pal. Have a nice day.

Insane beliefs (that a two thousand year dead guy watching your every move, for instance) are always fun to mock. I mean, do you read the timecube guys site with quiet respect?
posted by Doug at 5:00 PM on March 21, 2002

I *heart* evanizer.

If this whole "marriage" thing doesn't work out for me, want to go to Holland together?
posted by ColdChef at 5:24 PM on March 21, 2002

You know, if this was a thread about making fun of blacks or fat people or any other sector of society, it would have been shot down long ago in bad taste, but bashing Christian's beliefs? Bring it on! It's the last acceptable topic to make fun of and if you object, you're just a prude. And those filepile pics? Really bad taste. (Although that was my fault for looking.) Does this make me a killjoy? Oh well.
posted by Jubey at 5:52 PM on March 21, 2002

"You know, if this was a thread about making fun of blacks or fat people or any other sector of society, it would have been shot down long ago in bad taste..."

Wanna bet?

I don't think these are actually photographs, five fresh fish. They have the signs of drawings copied from photographs, either by projecting the photo onto the paper and tracing outlines, or by copying the photo by eye. The wonky perspective is in keeping with the wonky perspective in photographs. It also seems like he is working from several different photos to make each image, as Jesus often has different perspectival problems than the person he's watching over.

Gee, if you take that last part out of context, it sounds really profound and metaphysical.

Seriously, appreciating these strange devotionals does not necessarily constitute making fun. Some people seem to think it does, but not me.

Doug: I quite agree. But if you approve of actually mocking this fellow's beliefs, then you have to do the denouncing across the board, like making fun of those dumb Muslims and those silly Jews and those idiotic Buddhists too. It seems x-tianity gets singled out by the net bashers quite a lot more than any other belief system.

ColdChef: You're the only one here that appreciates me. You name the date and chapel in Holland and I'm there, you big stud you. Perhaps your wife would agree to a three-way marriage. I'm sure I'd like her too.
posted by evanizer at 6:52 PM on March 21, 2002

Yes, Jesus with Milton of Office Space. He is helping Milton get back his red Boston stapler.

"D-d-they said...I could l-l-listen to..to my r-r-radio at an app-appropriate volume..."
posted by adampsyche at 6:59 PM on March 21, 2002

Evanizer: she says she really, really likes your snowman stuff.
posted by ColdChef at 7:02 PM on March 21, 2002

evanizer: Mockery is due across the board. I think the reason the net seems disproportunately anti-christian is that the sites we visit are populated by people from mostly "christian" countries. If I were in the middle east, I'm sure I'd be mocking the wacky muslims a lot more often. Until they stoned me to death, of course.
posted by Doug at 7:06 PM on March 21, 2002

True, Doug, most people in predominately Muslim/Arab countries can't afford the internet or aren't allowed to use it, though its prohibition can't be religiously based, or Ol' Osama bin Fuckwit wouldn't have made it his communication tool of choice; after all, he's a perfect Muslim, right? Heh.

ColdChef: Now I not only *heart* you, but I *heart* her as well. Is she a Metafilterarian as well?
posted by evanizer at 7:58 PM on March 21, 2002

Nope. She's a classic "MeFi Widow."
posted by ColdChef at 8:20 PM on March 21, 2002

while we are on the subject:
me and mlang would like to extend an offer of threesome love coldchef's wife-to-be
posted by goneill at 7:12 AM on March 22, 2002

She's becoming a very popular woman.
posted by ColdChef at 7:15 AM on March 22, 2002

that would make it a foursome, pet. unless you want to exclude the chef himself.

anyway, if i'm going to be involved in any sort of metafilter group sex thing, i insist that dong_resin be present. and when i say 'dong_resin', i'm talking about the PERSON, not the NOUN...though i suppose that the latter would be somewhat unavoidable under the circumstances.
posted by mlang at 7:36 AM on March 22, 2002

"Check, please! I'm all done here."
posted by ColdChef at 7:49 AM on March 22, 2002

knitwit: think you're hard? you want an ass-whupping, prettyboy? you live in port chester? i'll meet you outside texas hot lunch tonight at midnight. rumble, motherfucker, rumble.
posted by mlang at 7:52 AM on March 22, 2002

i didn't mention the chef, that's why i said threesome - i can count; i swear i can.

darling, the knitwit probably doesn't know that Hubba Bubba's, in it's glory days was called Texas Hot Lunch. Stop making him/her look so silly...
posted by goneill at 8:23 AM on March 22, 2002

Let's not lose sight of what's important here:

Jesus is fucking creepy.
posted by dong_resin at 8:48 AM on March 22, 2002

It's the cheeks, isn't it?
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:50 AM on March 22, 2002

I mean creepy in the way that he's always just sort of hanging around behind you, more like a Thai food fart than a majestic deity, but them cheeks don't help, Miguel.

They're awfully Rob Reinerish.
posted by dong_resin at 9:07 AM on March 22, 2002