Michael Jackson's Pet Chimp Bubbles Is Retired in Florida
February 12, 2016 12:01 PM   Subscribe

The 4.5-foot-tall, 185-pound chimpanzee is built like a high school wrestling coach with a gray beard and a small bald spot just above his brow. Keepers have called him ugly, but he doesn't care. He's come a long way since hanging on Michael Jackson's hip. Bubbles' moonwalking days are over.

A chimp named Oopsie looks down from a high platform. In the 1970s, she starred in the TV show B.J. and the Bear but now spends her days as the group's matriarch, grooming her babies and keeping the others well-behaved. Bubbles' best friend, Ripley, trails right behind him, egging him on. Ripley once spat water on Kramer in an episode of Seinfeld. Now he paints for charity and follows his buddy around like a brother. Forty other chimpanzees and orangutans have retired here. In their past lives, they've acted alongside Clint Eastwood, Jim Carrey, and Kevin Smith.
posted by narancia (19 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
Bubbles' aversion to cameras is perhaps the most interesting vestige of his captivity. On his best behavior, the big chimp may turn his back or move out of the shot. At his worst, he's liable to spit water or chuck sand at the camera in protest.


I am quite sure he has his reasons.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:22 PM on February 12, 2016 [8 favorites]


Apes being apes with other apes is the best part of this.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:24 PM on February 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Jesus, this sounds like something out of McSweeney's - Bubbles and the chimp from Ace Ventura kicking it in the retirement home - and yet I'm having all the feels (even though I hate that phrase). I'm glad they're getting to live with a bit of dignity.

How could the keepers call him ugly? Look at that face!
posted by sunset in snow country at 12:27 PM on February 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


What fool would call that face ugly?
posted by echocollate at 12:27 PM on February 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I owe sunset in snow country a Coke.
posted by echocollate at 12:28 PM on February 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


"After starring in Ace Ventura and appearing in Seinfeld, Ripley was shipped to a small zoo in Nebraska with his brother and two other chimps. One day, he and his buddies escaped. When they were finally tracked down, Ripley's three companions were shot and killed. A frantic Ripley evaded his captors, ran back to his cage, and closed himself in."

Dusty in here, is all.
posted by anastasiav at 12:33 PM on February 12, 2016 [12 favorites]


The National Enquirer ran a story once claiming the singer Prince used ESP to drive the ape insane.

Not that Prince couldn't do this, but I think "Let's Go Crazy" is like, you know, a metaphor.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:33 PM on February 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


At his worst, he's liable to spit water or chuck sand at the camera in protest.

No, at his worst, he rips your face off and eats your fingers. To a wild animal, there's no such thing as "retirement."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:35 PM on February 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


That is such a happy and sad story all at the same time. The best line of the whole piece, though:

Then Jackson died suddenly in 2009, and the media wanted to know how Bubbles took the news. "We didn't tell him," Ragan says.
posted by yhbc at 12:38 PM on February 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


I'm sure there's a lot they were hiding from Bubbles.
posted by Drab_Parts at 12:40 PM on February 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


I'm sure there's a lot they were hiding from Bubbles.

That's a Harvey Birdman episode right there.
posted by lmfsilva at 12:53 PM on February 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


"This was not called execution. It was called retirement."
posted by My Dad at 1:06 PM on February 12, 2016


In their past lives, they've acted alongside Clint Eastwood...

They're talking about Clyde, right? I need to know if Clyde is still alive!
posted by Atom Eyes at 1:11 PM on February 12, 2016


"They're talking about Clyde, right? I need to know if Clyde is still alive!"

Atom Eyes, I hope it's Clyde, too.
posted by narancia at 2:13 PM on February 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


You know, I never wondered what happened to Bubbles. I've heard the question asked theoretically, probably even in a Simpsons episode or two, but I've never really thought about it. I guess I assumed he died or belonged to a zoo or something. This was really nice news, I'm glad he's doing fine, I'm really happy that there's a retirement reserve for celebrity chimps.

He looks good too.
posted by Neronomius at 2:35 PM on February 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


At $20,000 a year per ape, and 42 (?) residents, this facility costs at least $840,000 a year to run. I'm sure there are other costs. Maybe about a million? Shouldn't the entertainment industry be picking up that tab? It's not as if they'd even notice a sum like that.
posted by Grangousier at 3:49 PM on February 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


One of the center's caretakers did eventually show Bubbles a video of the memorial. Did Bubbles seem sad? "No," Ragan says
Adding a sotto voce, "I cannot believe you just asked me that. What the fuck? I mean, how do you get out of bed everyday and look in the mirror and tell yourself you're a journalist? Thank god I work with chimpanzees and not fucking idiots like you. Neither of you have a concept of shame, but at least the the chimps don't have a web presence. Jesus."
posted by howfar at 4:20 PM on February 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


How could the keepers call him ugly? Look at that face!

I'm glad he's doing well, but let's be honest. He's no Shabani.
posted by billyfleetwood at 5:14 PM on February 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


The National Enquirer ran a story once claiming the singer Prince used ESP to drive the ape insane.

Maybe Prince used the free jazz on ESP-Disk Records to drive Bubbles insane. Prince's dad was a jazz guy, and that ESP jazz can fry your brain if you're not in the right frame of mind for it.
posted by jonp72 at 5:41 PM on February 12, 2016


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