writes Laura Secord erotic fan-fiction
February 17, 2016 2:44 PM Subscribe
Do you long to be the next big thing in CanLit but suffer from writer's block? Or maybe your ideas are insufficiently Canadian. Never fear, the CanLit premise generator is here to help you, but only after multiple scenes of ice skating.
A man falls in love with a wild animal and... I don't know, something about the sins of the father.
Too real.
posted by figurant at 2:54 PM on February 17, 2016 [6 favorites]
Too real.
posted by figurant at 2:54 PM on February 17, 2016 [6 favorites]
At first I was only getting ones that started with "A troop of French-Canadian clowns..." and I was starting to think I've been completely ignorant of that clearly significant facet of Canadian literature. I mean, I haven't yet encountered a single troop of clowns in Alice Munro's work!
But also: "An orphan visits a dilapidated farmhouse on the Prairies only to lose it all at sea."
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:01 PM on February 17, 2016
But also: "An orphan visits a dilapidated farmhouse on the Prairies only to lose it all at sea."
posted by mixedmetaphors at 3:01 PM on February 17, 2016
A sea captain eats poutine at a fictionalized version of a diner in your town you totally recognize and for some reason feel that you knowing that place is somehow a flaw of the story, to reconnect with the false, nostalgic simplicity of their youth.
By Alice Munro. (The sea captain is a woman, obviously.)
posted by sadmadglad at 3:03 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
By Alice Munro. (The sea captain is a woman, obviously.)
posted by sadmadglad at 3:03 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
"Two dogs contemplate the meaning of Tim Horton's coffee only to return with a broken soul." I would read this.
posted by thetortoise at 3:09 PM on February 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by thetortoise at 3:09 PM on February 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
"A woman and her dog try to live with surprisingly few negative results." Yep, that's Canadian, all right.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 3:27 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 3:27 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
"Rick the Temp tersely eats poutine at a fictionalized version of a diner in your town you totally recognize and for some reason feel that you knowing that place is somehow a flaw of the story, with sexy results."
posted by sapagan at 3:32 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by sapagan at 3:32 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
A Port Dover fish farmer plans a white-collar crime during the War and maybe has sex with a bear— unless that was a dream, I never can tell.
AHEM
[this is hilarious by the way, and uncannily accurate--I eagerly await the next GG awards or Giller shortlist]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:46 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
AHEM
[this is hilarious by the way, and uncannily accurate--I eagerly await the next GG awards or Giller shortlist]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 3:46 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
"A man and his dog tersely have to leave Frobisher Bay in the Great Depression to reconnect with the false, nostalgic simplicity of their youth."
No doubt short-listed for the Man Booker prize but won't win.
"Drake attempts to make it to a Drake concert and falls in love with a neighbor."
Based on a true story.
"Three generations of an East Coast family build the 2nd tallest lighthouse in Atlantic Canada despite a poor father."
Pretty sure the CBC already has a casting call out for the TV series based on this one.
posted by mhum at 4:30 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
No doubt short-listed for the Man Booker prize but won't win.
"Drake attempts to make it to a Drake concert and falls in love with a neighbor."
Based on a true story.
"Three generations of an East Coast family build the 2nd tallest lighthouse in Atlantic Canada despite a poor father."
Pretty sure the CBC already has a casting call out for the TV series based on this one.
posted by mhum at 4:30 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
An immigrant drives across the country that he will come to adopt as his own
How is this not a CBC series yet?
posted by nubs at 4:49 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
How is this not a CBC series yet?
posted by nubs at 4:49 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
Drake battles a Wendigo under a pall of heavily implied incest
I don't think it will sell, but the critics might go for it.
posted by nubs at 4:59 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
I don't think it will sell, but the critics might go for it.
posted by nubs at 4:59 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
"Two dogs go hunting on a dog sled, haunted by the spectre of their grandfather's mistakes."
posted by oulipian at 5:05 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by oulipian at 5:05 PM on February 17, 2016 [1 favorite]
Let's just skip to designing the marketing posters for Indigo.
posted by GuyZero at 5:18 PM on February 17, 2016
posted by GuyZero at 5:18 PM on February 17, 2016
Seriously, I can't stop clicking. "One of the Eatons goes to an abandoned Yukon Gold Rush town with sexy results." I'd read that!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:39 PM on February 17, 2016
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:39 PM on February 17, 2016
A writer has to leave Frobisher Bay in an RV and plans a divorce.
I'm sure I read this in a university course.
A group of writers tersely survive a historical tragedy to make it to a funeral.
But which tragedy do we pick? The Halifax Explosion? The Cup drought of the Maple Leafs? The Hillcrest Mine disaster? Watching all of the Canadian Heritage Minutes?
A prairie nun drives drunk, disillusioned with the pace and emptiness of urban living.
I thought these were supposed to be fiction.
Three undergraduates from diverse backgrounds struggle with what it means to be Canadian without realizing that Drake references aren't inherently hip or funny.
No more needs to be said.
posted by nubs at 7:01 PM on February 17, 2016 [5 favorites]
I'm sure I read this in a university course.
A group of writers tersely survive a historical tragedy to make it to a funeral.
But which tragedy do we pick? The Halifax Explosion? The Cup drought of the Maple Leafs? The Hillcrest Mine disaster? Watching all of the Canadian Heritage Minutes?
A prairie nun drives drunk, disillusioned with the pace and emptiness of urban living.
I thought these were supposed to be fiction.
Three undergraduates from diverse backgrounds struggle with what it means to be Canadian without realizing that Drake references aren't inherently hip or funny.
No more needs to be said.
posted by nubs at 7:01 PM on February 17, 2016 [5 favorites]
"A group of writers struggle with what it means to be Canadian but also, one of them is a robot."
HOLY SHIT WHERE IS MY TYPEWRITER
posted by ZaphodB at 7:26 PM on February 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
HOLY SHIT WHERE IS MY TYPEWRITER
posted by ZaphodB at 7:26 PM on February 17, 2016 [4 favorites]
A family and their dog eat poutine at a fictionalized version of a diner in your town you totally recognize and for some reason feel that you knowing that place is somehow a flaw of the story on a stolen houseboat to better know their withdrawn, uncommunicative father.
'honey, it was a lovely idea to drive our houseboat into this diner'
'wow mom look at that quaint shop, can I buy that toy'
'oh Justin Trudeau, you know a carved, wooden airplane would never last on our beached houseboat what with the humidity and all. right, honey'
Papa grunts and looks at the gravy cooling in his bowl, watching as it forms a hard shell even as it's squished under the weight of so many curds.
posted by runt at 7:48 PM on February 17, 2016
'honey, it was a lovely idea to drive our houseboat into this diner'
'wow mom look at that quaint shop, can I buy that toy'
'oh Justin Trudeau, you know a carved, wooden airplane would never last on our beached houseboat what with the humidity and all. right, honey'
Papa grunts and looks at the gravy cooling in his bowl, watching as it forms a hard shell even as it's squished under the weight of so many curds.
posted by runt at 7:48 PM on February 17, 2016
I don't need the generator.
A woman, perhaps related to me by blood or marriage, home from university and out with friends, was approached in the only bar in her small and remote northern Ontario hometown by two people.
One was Jian Ghomeshi. In tow was has-been white rapper Snow, apparently staging a comeback of sorts. They were on some cross-Canada journey and wanted to know where they could score weed.
She earnestly told them no, she had no idea.
Ghomeshi and Snow were unaware that this bar was run by the town's primary drug dealer.
True story.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:23 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
A woman, perhaps related to me by blood or marriage, home from university and out with friends, was approached in the only bar in her small and remote northern Ontario hometown by two people.
One was Jian Ghomeshi. In tow was has-been white rapper Snow, apparently staging a comeback of sorts. They were on some cross-Canada journey and wanted to know where they could score weed.
She earnestly told them no, she had no idea.
Ghomeshi and Snow were unaware that this bar was run by the town's primary drug dealer.
True story.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:23 PM on February 17, 2016 [2 favorites]
Folks I think we have an... informer.
posted by GuyZero at 8:34 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 8:34 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
"A man and his dog get government funding with surprisingly few negative results."
I'm fairly certain that is the story behind at least one NFB animated short.
posted by Alterscape at 10:40 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm fairly certain that is the story behind at least one NFB animated short.
posted by Alterscape at 10:40 PM on February 17, 2016 [3 favorites]
"An intramural soccer team meet a BC woman who never takes off her MEC hiking gear. To each other, they say nothing."
There are three kinds of clothing in Vancouver. Lulu, MEC and whatever was on sale at Costco last weekend.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 11:14 PM on February 17, 2016
There are three kinds of clothing in Vancouver. Lulu, MEC and whatever was on sale at Costco last weekend.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 11:14 PM on February 17, 2016
"A prairie nun battles with a Wendigo on a skidoo only to have to kill a whale."
I'm waiting until James Cameron does the movie.
posted by Kabanos at 9:14 AM on February 18, 2016
I'm waiting until James Cameron does the movie.
posted by Kabanos at 9:14 AM on February 18, 2016
"A young couple get lost in the wilds of northern Quebec in excruciatingly detailed Toronto with sexy results."
Not totally sure how that one works tbh.
posted by jeather at 4:08 PM on February 18, 2016
Not totally sure how that one works tbh.
posted by jeather at 4:08 PM on February 18, 2016
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posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:47 PM on February 17, 2016