Finger-lickin' 8-bit
February 28, 2016 6:30 PM   Subscribe

Play ColonelQuest, the 8-bit, "historically accurate" video game based on Colonel Harlan Sanders' mythological life, that is part of its hipster makeover to improve flagging sales.
posted by MoonOrb (25 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Play ColonelQuest

No.
posted by flabdablet at 7:22 PM on February 28, 2016 [9 favorites]


Sanders began to serve chicken dishes and other meals such as country ham and steaks. Initially he served the customers in his adjacent living quarters before opening a restaurant. It was during this period that Sanders was involved in a shootout with a Matt Stewart, a local competitor, over the repainting of a sign directing traffic to his station. Stewart killed a Shell official who was with Sanders and was convicted of murder, eliminating Sanders' competition

He retained much influence over executives and franchisees, who respected his culinary expertise and feared what The New Yorker described as "the force and variety of his swearing" when a restaurant or the company varied from what executives described as "the Colonel's chicken". ... As late as 1979 Sanders made surprise visits to KFC restaurants, and if the food disappointed him denounced it to the franchisee as "God-damned slop" or pushed it onto the floor.

Basically my question is, why do you need to invent a mythological life?
posted by kafziel at 7:23 PM on February 28, 2016 [19 favorites]


You are standing in an open parking lot west of a white brick house with a candy-striped roof.
There is a chicken on the grass to the north.
>_
posted by AndrewInDC at 8:00 PM on February 28, 2016 [20 favorites]


Before the Quest, there was the Bequest.
posted by ethansr at 8:14 PM on February 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Why don't they just try selling better food?
posted by johnnydummkopf at 9:16 PM on February 28, 2016 [5 favorites]


The Eleven Herbs & 8-Bits Experience?
posted by BungaDunga at 9:19 PM on February 28, 2016 [3 favorites]


Colonel Blue
posted by thecjm at 9:21 PM on February 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


I always feel like I need to order $15 worth of food to actually get a meal at KFC; that and the history; too greasy.
posted by buzzman at 9:32 PM on February 28, 2016


Shitsi-blows.
posted by lkc at 9:35 PM on February 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


"Escape school so you can cook chicken to support your family"

WTF!
posted by boilermonster at 10:50 PM on February 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


Obligatory Patton Oswalt
posted by flabdablet at 11:31 PM on February 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


I have no idea how to find it, but in browsing a reddit thread about deplorable workplaces, I ran across someone recounting how Sanders, after he was no longer the head honcho of the business, would travel to stores, taste the chicken and sexually harass the female employees (in this case, he grabbed the poster's mother's ass).

So sure, please, remind me that the brand was founded by a sexist asshole. Please do so. I need more excuses to eat at Popeyes.
posted by Hactar at 11:34 PM on February 28, 2016


oh hey I remember this episode of Community
posted by DoctorFedora at 11:40 PM on February 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


ATTENTION INTERNET

Go and Google image search some actual 8-bit games. Commodore 64, Atari 800, MSX, that sort of thing. Take note of what they looked and sounded like. Specifically the colours and resolutions available. Then stop using '8-bit' as clueless lazy shorthand for 'uh sorta looks like one of those old games'. While you're at it, stop using 'surreal' for 'uh sorta looks kinda weird'.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 12:45 AM on February 29, 2016 [9 favorites]


Who in the fresh hell decided that z and m were going to be the controls? WE HAVE ASDW FOR A REASON PEOPLE!
posted by Jilder at 3:28 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


More like ColonQuest, amirite?

Because, you know, all that grease...
posted by littlesq at 3:35 AM on February 29, 2016


GallonofAlan, you mean most people shouldn't use "classical" to refer to all instrumental music?!
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:36 AM on February 29, 2016 [2 favorites]


Go and Google image search some actual 8-bit games. Commodore 64, Atari 800, MSX, that sort of thing.

Also the NES, right?
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 3:57 AM on February 29, 2016


Right.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 4:55 AM on February 29, 2016


I briefly worked in advertising (sorry), and what became clear to me, and what is maybe immediately obvious to many, is that the majority of advertising is an attempt to have consumers think differently about a product without changing the product at all. And that's the worst. If your product sucks, change your product. (Something that major corporations, for the most part, aren't interested in.)
posted by tummy_rub at 5:32 AM on February 29, 2016 [1 favorite]


If your product sucks, change your product

Because it's less expensive to change perception than it is to redo the whole thing in most instances. And there is no guarantee after you've spent all that time and money to change things that people will like it
posted by josher71 at 6:35 AM on February 29, 2016


Snowy Suit Sanders in the Ghetto of the Greased Gizzards
posted by Kabanos at 7:56 AM on February 29, 2016


  WE HAVE ASDW FOR A REASON PEOPLE!

… the reason being you're some kind quadra-lobster? QAOP 4 lyfe.
posted by scruss at 8:14 AM on February 29, 2016


this is pepsi blue as fuck.
posted by shmegegge at 10:03 AM on February 29, 2016


Then stop using '8-bit' as clueless lazy shorthand for 'uh sorta looks like one of those old games'.

Eh, this is a bit like complaining that people use "decimate" to mean something other than "punishing a Roman legion by killing 10% of the soldiers in it". I'm more upset about the eye-searing fake chromatic aberration they've added.
posted by Pyry at 12:28 PM on February 29, 2016


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