Brian the spider
March 10, 2016 11:09 AM Subscribe
Say hello to the newly discovered Australian spider named Brian*, that can - obviously - surf, swim and eat toads up to three times its size. But it's not harmful to humans (unlike these fellas). Plus the recent warm weather down under has been a bit of a boom to our eight legged friends there. Warning: Spiders.
*Named after physicist World Science Festival co-founder Brian Greene.
*Named after physicist World Science Festival co-founder Brian Greene.
"I've been bitten by this spider and it’s not particularly dangerous," Raven said, "It just stung for a little while."
you have the worst fucking job
posted by Kitteh at 11:14 AM on March 10, 2016 [14 favorites]
you have the worst fucking job
posted by Kitteh at 11:14 AM on March 10, 2016 [14 favorites]
Yeah, like the one guy who finally ate the correct part of the fugu
posted by smidgen at 11:14 AM on March 10, 2016
posted by smidgen at 11:14 AM on March 10, 2016
We should give up on the fake-Latin scientific names and just assign given names to new species. This one can be Brian. Next week we'll discover a new kind of snake that we can call Marcia. Then the end-of-year new species roundup from the zoological community can be modeled after a high school yearbook.
posted by beerperson at 11:17 AM on March 10, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by beerperson at 11:17 AM on March 10, 2016 [12 favorites]
Showing my age when I thought the spider was named after this Brian.
posted by bibliogrrl at 11:19 AM on March 10, 2016
posted by bibliogrrl at 11:19 AM on March 10, 2016
We should give up on the fake-Latin scientific names and just assign given names to new species. This one can be Brian. Next week we'll discover a new kind of snake that we can call Marcia. Then the end-of-year new species roundup from the zoological community can be modeled after a high school yearbook.
Nomenclature for bacteria and viruses too?
"You o.k.?"
"Tests came back. Doctor says I've got Larry. Fortunately it's not antibiotic-resistant Larry."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:19 AM on March 10, 2016 [34 favorites]
Nomenclature for bacteria and viruses too?
"You o.k.?"
"Tests came back. Doctor says I've got Larry. Fortunately it's not antibiotic-resistant Larry."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:19 AM on March 10, 2016 [34 favorites]
If he surfs and swims, who's to say that he not actually native to Australia and didn't just go on a great Vacation there and decide to stay? I mean, sure - he was discovered there, but maybe - just maybe Dr. Greene just happened on the spider, who was you know, just checkin' out the waves that he had heard so much about...
I mean, its not like you don't ever run into someone you knew or would like to know better when you go on vacation.... I'm pretty sure there's a whole industry on singles cruises...
posted by Nanukthedog at 11:22 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]
I mean, its not like you don't ever run into someone you knew or would like to know better when you go on vacation.... I'm pretty sure there's a whole industry on singles cruises...
posted by Nanukthedog at 11:22 AM on March 10, 2016 [3 favorites]
If he surfs and swims, who's to say that he not actually native to Australia and didn't just go on a great Vacation there and decide to stay?
He's chasing the 50-year storm.
posted by beerperson at 11:33 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
He's chasing the 50-year storm.
posted by beerperson at 11:33 AM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
The only possible explanation I can think of for naming this spider "Brian" is that they've already got one named "Bruce".
EDIT: D'oh! I've been feckless'd!
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:41 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
EDIT: D'oh! I've been feckless'd!
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:41 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
Should have called him Bruce
Or Boris
posted by cottoncandybeard at 11:58 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
Or Boris
posted by cottoncandybeard at 11:58 AM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
In truth, the spider's Brian, and so's his wife!
posted by Kabanos at 12:00 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 12:00 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
> please please please can we dispense with the usual "nopes!" for this spider thread? Please?
I hereby propose that all metafilter threads about Trump consist primarily of people saying "nope!", and that all metafilter threads about spiders consist of faux-earnest discussions of what spiders really mean for America that ultimately devolve into passive-aggressive sniping between Clinton and Sanders supporters.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:01 PM on March 10, 2016 [29 favorites]
I hereby propose that all metafilter threads about Trump consist primarily of people saying "nope!", and that all metafilter threads about spiders consist of faux-earnest discussions of what spiders really mean for America that ultimately devolve into passive-aggressive sniping between Clinton and Sanders supporters.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:01 PM on March 10, 2016 [29 favorites]
Warning: Spiders. [more inside]
There often are.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:04 PM on March 10, 2016 [18 favorites]
There often are.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:04 PM on March 10, 2016 [18 favorites]
BRAIN SPIDERS DISCOVERED IN AUTRALIA
posted by rodlymight at 12:22 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by rodlymight at 12:22 PM on March 10, 2016 [7 favorites]
"Not harmful" my ass. Did you not see that this is fucking Australia? It's just biding it's time until everybody has one in their aquarium and wave pool, then the carnage will begin.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:44 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:44 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
I, for one, welcome our new Brian Spider Overlords!
posted by briank at 1:17 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by briank at 1:17 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
"Not harmful" my ass. Did you not see that this is fucking Australia? It's just biding it's time until everybody has one in their aquarium and wave pool, then the carnage will begin.
Australia is a land where Things That Don't Want To Die are in constant battle with Things That Want To Kill Things That Don't Want To Die. I think we know which side Brian is on.
posted by tommasz at 1:24 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]
Australia is a land where Things That Don't Want To Die are in constant battle with Things That Want To Kill Things That Don't Want To Die. I think we know which side Brian is on.
posted by tommasz at 1:24 PM on March 10, 2016 [5 favorites]
Spider Named After Scientist, But No Offense Taken -- my preferred headline. Seriously, his speech is so gracious considering someone named a toad-eating, swimming spider after him.
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:43 PM on March 10, 2016
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:43 PM on March 10, 2016
This little dude just sailed right up to #2 on my list of Notably Awesome Brians.
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:47 PM on March 10, 2016
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:47 PM on March 10, 2016
Like, I hate spiders and their creepy crawliness and especially their giantness, and this one is in my state so I feel a certain amount of heebie-jeebies right now, but... cane toads suck, y'all. It is great sport trying to run them over when driving down my street at night* but there's definitely a certain horror to the fact that if I run over one on my driveway, when I get out of the car its guts are on the pavement in front of its face, and by the time I get my daughter out of the car it has sucked its guts back into its face to go on living. I mean really, fuck cane toads. Yeah yeah invasive species and all, but also, what the HELL, it's not fair to be able to suck your guts back in. So I will grudgingly approve of Brian's existance if it can actually eat those little bastards.
Like huntsmans. I hate huntsmans. But now that I've given up dominion over my garden shed to the giant one that greeted me on the door one day, I can at least know it's eating roaches, which I arguably hate more than spiders. It's cool, I don't need my wheelbarrow ever. Just eat the roaches, dude.
* Yeah yeah catch them freeze them whatevs
posted by olinerd at 2:35 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]
Like huntsmans. I hate huntsmans. But now that I've given up dominion over my garden shed to the giant one that greeted me on the door one day, I can at least know it's eating roaches, which I arguably hate more than spiders. It's cool, I don't need my wheelbarrow ever. Just eat the roaches, dude.
* Yeah yeah catch them freeze them whatevs
posted by olinerd at 2:35 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]
Here I was expecting a spider that was friendly and riding a surfboard and drinking a beer and 'Brian thinks he's a person' kind of a thing.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:13 PM on March 10, 2016
posted by jimmythefish at 3:13 PM on March 10, 2016
My new supervisor's name is Brian so... unionize against all Brians!
posted by lineofsight at 3:22 PM on March 10, 2016
posted by lineofsight at 3:22 PM on March 10, 2016
When I lived in Canberra and had like, three huntsmen per room, I hated spiders. Now that I live in Sydney and haven't yet seen any huntsmen at all, I have a cockroach problem. I have changed my mind.
The article said that Brian will duck under the water and then "swim". I would I like to know more about this. I can see how he walks on the water, but I have trouble visualising the locomotion of swimming with eight spindly legs.
posted by lollusc at 3:50 PM on March 10, 2016
The article said that Brian will duck under the water and then "swim". I would I like to know more about this. I can see how he walks on the water, but I have trouble visualising the locomotion of swimming with eight spindly legs.
posted by lollusc at 3:50 PM on March 10, 2016
All dolomedes spiders can 'swim'. Here's a great video showing the movement etc.
posted by dhruva at 4:27 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by dhruva at 4:27 PM on March 10, 2016 [2 favorites]
These spiders can even dive beneath the surface of the water and scan the bottom of the pond or stream. The air trapped around their hydrophobic bristles allows them to breath and thus not undergo any suffocation.
OK, THAT'S SO COOL!
posted by droplet at 4:44 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
OK, THAT'S SO COOL!
posted by droplet at 4:44 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
I was fine with Brian. Then I googled 'Huntsman".
posted by acrasis at 5:26 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 5:26 PM on March 10, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'm Brian and so is my ... ARGH!
posted by prismatic7 at 9:37 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by prismatic7 at 9:37 PM on March 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm glad the spiders are enjoying this hot spell because I am so not. Where the fuck is Autumn!!?!
Oh dear, I'm forgetting my manners: Hi Brian of Brisbane, pleased to meet you, you clever fella. I can appreciate spiders, even Huntsmen, as long as they don't crawl on me. There were all kinds of spiders and other insects in jars and pinned in display boxes in our house when I was a kid, while my dad was studying entymology.
posted by valetta at 3:36 AM on March 11, 2016 [2 favorites]
Oh dear, I'm forgetting my manners: Hi Brian of Brisbane, pleased to meet you, you clever fella. I can appreciate spiders, even Huntsmen, as long as they don't crawl on me. There were all kinds of spiders and other insects in jars and pinned in display boxes in our house when I was a kid, while my dad was studying entymology.
posted by valetta at 3:36 AM on March 11, 2016 [2 favorites]
I love goddamned spiders. Pet ALL the spiders! All your spiders are belong to me!
posted by holborne at 8:16 AM on March 11, 2016
posted by holborne at 8:16 AM on March 11, 2016
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please please please can we dispense with the usual "nopes!" for this spider thread? Please?
posted by rtha at 11:12 AM on March 10, 2016 [26 favorites]