“Would he have a Twitter account bragging about his accomplishments?”
March 11, 2016 3:26 PM   Subscribe

Where Patrick Bateman Would Be Today by Bret Easton Ellis [Town & Country] Twenty-five years after American Psycho was published as a Bloody Lampoon of the Go-Go '80s, the novel has been turned into a musical. The author considers his protagonist's enduring legacy in an age of even crazier money. ​
“After 25 years I'm occasionally and increasingly asked by readers of a book I published in 1991 called American Psycho (later made into a movie in 2000) about where its narrator, Patrick Bateman, would be now. This question has become even more prevalent lately, on the book's 25th anniversary, either at appearances and signings or on social media, usually while fans share this year's Halloween costume pic—almost always the blood-splattered sheer slicker that Christian Bale's Bateman wears in the film as he kills supposed Pierce & Pierce rival Paul Allen (Jared Leto) with an ax to the head. In particular they wonder where the Wall Street yuppie and serial killer, haunting the late '80s streets and nightclubs and restaurants of Manhattan, would be residing if he were recreated and resituated in 2016.”
posted by Fizz (30 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
 
tl;dr "Why are you asking me? He's everywhere. Not my fault, but I'll happily take your money to write about it."
posted by infinitewindow at 3:57 PM on March 11, 2016 [6 favorites]


Where Patrick Bateman Would Be Today ...

Dead by the hand of Phil Collins. And not a jury in the land would convict him.
posted by octobersurprise at 3:58 PM on March 11, 2016 [13 favorites]


What would a wealthy, narcissistic sociopath be up to today? I just can't think.
posted by howfar at 3:58 PM on March 11, 2016 [23 favorites]


What would a wealthy, narcissistic sociopath be up to today? I just can't think.

*cough* "Trump." *cough*
posted by Fizz at 4:08 PM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


Number 5. With a bullet... or axe, as the case may be.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 4:15 PM on March 11, 2016


Given Bateman's absolute hero worship of Donald Trump (its in the book, numerous times), I imagine he would be considering an appointment to a cabinet position. Perhaps as Secretary of murders and executions. Otherwise, I imagine he'd be trying to find a place where he can return videotapes.
posted by Jernau at 4:24 PM on March 11, 2016 [12 favorites]


I had completely forgotten that Christian Bale played Bateman. Might have to watch it again.
posted by Splunge at 4:27 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


I wonder if Ellis has ever been asked by anyone at a book signing or something to check their dubs.
posted by Sangermaine at 4:28 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


Given Bateman's absolute hero worship of Donald Trump (its in the book, numerous times)

“McDermott, this is ridiculous,” I whisper. “You can’t stay angry at me because I think
the pizza at Pastels is… crusty.”
“Brittle,” he says, shooting me a glance. “The word you used was brittle.”
“I apologize,” I say. “But I’m right. It is. You read the review in the Times, right?”
“Here.” He reaches into his pocket and hands me a Xeroxed article. “I just wanted to
prove you wrong. Read this.”
“What is it?” I ask, opening the folded page.
“It’s an article on your hero, Donald Trump.” McDermott grins.
“It sure is,” I say apprehensively. “Why didn’t I ever see this, I wonder.”
“And...” McDermott scans the article and points an accusatory finger at the bottom
paragraph, which he’s highlighted in red ink. “Where does Donald Trump think the best
pizza in Manhattan is served?”
“Let me read this,” I sigh, waving him away. “You might be wrong. What a lousy
photo.”
“Bateman. Look. I circled it,” he says.
I pretend to read the fucking article but I’m getting very angry and I have to hand the
article back to McDermott and ask, thoroughly annoyed, “So what? What does it mean?
What are you, McDermott, trying to tell me?”
“What do you think of the pizza at Pastels now, Bateman?” he asks smugly.
“Well,” I say, choosing my words carefully. “I think I have to go back and re taste the
pizza….” I’m saying this through gritted teeth. “I’m just suggesting that the last time I
was there the pizza was…”
“Brittle?” McDermott offers.
“Yeah.” I shrug. “Brittle.”
“Uh-huh.” McDermott smiles, triumphant.
“Listen, if the pizza at Pastels is okay with Donny,” I start, hating to admit this to
McDermott, then sighing, almost unintelligibly, “it’s okay with me.”
McDermott cackles gleefully, a victor.
posted by Sangermaine at 4:33 PM on March 11, 2016 [15 favorites]


He'd be @BAEtman on twitter and would pick up girls to torture on Tinder, would claim to support Hillary so that would women would like him but would actually be fascinated by the idea of Ben Carson performing all those surgeries, and he'd really like Maroon 5. The more things change.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:02 PM on March 11, 2016 [6 favorites]


All of his murders would be done to the tune of Smooth by Carlos Santana, but they'd be mercy killings because the dead people would need never have that song stuck in their head again.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:05 PM on March 11, 2016 [3 favorites]


I also love the fact that Town & Country has an article by Bret Easton Ellis. I'm wondering about the cross-over demographic of American Psycho fans and Town & Country magazine subscribers.
posted by Fizz at 5:08 PM on March 11, 2016 [8 favorites]


Great article, even if he dodges the question a bit.

I can't imagine Bateman working as a coder in Silicon Valley... but maybe he could, he's not a dummy or anything. He could probably get away with murder there if he was good enough.

(I have known narcissistic, sociopathic computer scientists, come to think of it.)
posted by subdee at 5:23 PM on March 11, 2016


When I was 19 and studying abroad in Düsseldorf, Germany, other than some children's books, the only English language novel at the local bookseller was American Psycho. I'm pretty sure it was intentionally the only English language novel for sale.

Little did they know that I was already convinced that the USA was a towering edifice of sadism masquerading as greed, desperately trying to convince itself and everyone else that it has a soul. . .

Thanks Brett for confirming my bias!
posted by nikoniko at 5:31 PM on March 11, 2016 [2 favorites]


What would a wealthy, narcissistic sociopath be up to today? I just can't think.

Bateman saw himself as too sophisticated to be a Trump the Candidate fan. Surely no one who cares about their business card typeface and has an extensive skin regimen would be on this reality tv clown car?

Seems obvious he would be Silicon Valley to me, but maybe that's because I live in the bay. Silicon Valley is awash in so much capital it has created it's own surreal gravity that sucks in every greedy, cultureless yuppie in the US. Much like Wall Street in the 80s I imagine. The often editorialized "techie" is this generation's privileged white bro archetype.

I can't imagine Bateman working as a coder in Silicon Valley..

Not a coder for sure, a "founder".
posted by bradbane at 5:40 PM on March 11, 2016 [11 favorites]


Dead by the hand of Phil Collins. And not a jury in the land would convict him.

Huey Lewis actually. Phil just helped bury the body.
posted by jonmc at 5:46 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


Where Patrick Bateman Would Be Today

Bragging on Facebook about getting tickets to Hamilton
posted by panama joe at 6:08 PM on March 11, 2016 [5 favorites]


He'd be a YouTube kid, his video feed alternately showing thousands of sit-ups, videos of picking up Lamborghinis from the dealership, and murdering his Tinder and Grindr dates. He has 3,567 subscribers. Nobody flags the increasingly horrifying videos, which are occasionally interrupted by Nissan Murano ads. After killing a whole room of people at Dorsia in super-high definition with his 4K RED camera after being unable to secure a reservation at short notice, his account is suspended and he's hired by an Italian pharmaceutical company as a lifestyle model/escort for client retreats in near-earth orbit spacecraft. No charges come of the murder, because all the victims were the sons and daughters of Russian billionaires with expired green cards. He wins a YouTube award for best Live Action Avant Garde Horror Short in the Entitled Youth/Car Dealership category.
posted by jimmythefish at 6:32 PM on March 11, 2016 [13 favorites]


... increasingly horrifying videos, which are occasionally interrupted by Nissan Murano ads.

Yep, definitely a Nissan driver.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:21 PM on March 11, 2016 [4 favorites]


I'm wondering about the cross-over demographic of American Psycho fans and Town & Country magazine subscribers.

Hey, it'll be something to read when I visit my grandmother.
posted by thivaia at 7:53 PM on March 11, 2016 [1 favorite]


He'd be at Burning Man in one of those prefab luxury camps for rich jerkoffs, extolling the tedious virtues of Yeezus or somesuch.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:11 PM on March 11, 2016 [8 favorites]


That reminds me: when the police arrested Martin Shkreli, did they send a CSI team into his house?
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:18 AM on March 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


He'd be on the west coast. I've long wondered how a Silicon Valley adaptation of American Psycho would go.
posted by Apocryphon at 12:17 PM on March 12, 2016


Silicon Valley adaptation of American Psycho keyword search:

Soylent
Tesla Roadster
Crossfit
MRA
GamerGate
posted by valkane at 1:40 PM on March 12, 2016


He'd be on the west coast. I've long wondered how a Silicon Valley adaptation of American Psycho would go.

Bret Easton Ellis already wrote this story, it was called: Less Than Zero.
posted by Fizz at 1:50 PM on March 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Soylent
Tesla Roadster
Crossfit
MRA
GamerGate


Nah MRA and GamerGate draw their support from frustrated disenfranchised people, mainly. I think tech millionaire Patrick Bateman would be obsessed with IQ and eugenics and buy mail-order nootropics.
posted by vogon_poet at 4:08 PM on March 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


I could see the appeal to someone like Bateman of not ever having to stop for gas, but I don't think he would have any illusions of caring about ethics or the environment. I also think range anxiety and a desire to blend in might lead him to choose a car other than a Tesla, even in whatever circles he might run in. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe he would have a Tesla to show off but a standard crossover SUV in the garage for an escape plan.
posted by limeonaire at 6:09 PM on March 12, 2016


I can't put my finger on why this thread seems so strange. I don't enjoy the 'What if this fictional character were real?' game but with Bateman it's oddly compelling.

When the movie came out in 2000 I wrote a paper for my undergrad Literary Theory seminar that was all about how Bateman is in some sense Batman. (Forgive me, I was filling my waking hours with Derrida and Deleuze/Guattari; it seemed like a good idea then. Everything did.) They're both impossibly rich impossibly handsome guys who act out, in their secret identities, violent revenge fantasies with this ugly affectless/erotic undercurrent -- but the secret identities are the real guys. Bateman and Wayne are costumes that the Psycho and Batman put on, was the gist.

The paper turned on the moment when the realtor lady tells Bateman to just disappear, 'I don't want to see you again' or something. And he goes back to his rogues' gallery of friends, who enable his lunacy. There's no way Bruce/Patrick can possibly be a convincing costume, but they work because (sigh) Bateman/Batman are release valves for the repressed in the reader/viewer, and their actual costume is a kind of mass hallucination. Everyone would just rather not know the truth about them. The implausibility of the fiction is half the point.

I got an A and deserved it, but it's hard for me to get excited about these ideas now.

I wrote the paper in LaTeX because that was what a man did, I thought. Thinking back this morning it all seems not only silly but worse -- undistinguished; at the time it felt like such thinking and writing was an adult prerogative. I think I made the whole seminar go out and watch the film at Coolidge Corner or something; they were not all grateful. The movie's still excellent in its way. That summer, a handful of students and the professor and I spent what felt like half our nights at the Left Bank series at Harvard Film Archive, falling in love with Chris Marker and Agnes Varda. I hope this reminiscence isn't tiresome.

When Christian Bale played Batman many people were pleased, but I was probably the only person in the world pleased for this specific reason.
posted by waxbanks at 4:49 AM on March 13, 2016 [8 favorites]


Bret Easton Ellis already wrote this story, it was called: Less Than Zero.

That's set in LA, though. A crunchy hippie-hipster technolibertarian VC-obsessed tour of SF and the Bay Area would fit this zeitgeist better.
posted by Apocryphon at 2:43 PM on March 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


I keep confusing Patrick Bateman with Jason Bateman. I LOVE PA..... shit, never mind.
posted by bendy at 7:58 PM on March 13, 2016


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